Anyone care to share their family get together 'discussions'?

[ma23peas]

I really think Franklin had it wrong, 3 days is way too long to have guests or be one!!

 

We put off going to my parents so we could have a longer weekend...so we went this past weekend. 24 hours...we're pretty good, but then there's that one conversation that seems to catapult things...and I know I should just smile and nod, smile and nod. But, I didn't.

 

Dn (niece) was telling us about her first semester at college. She's on my facebook and I knew she had struggled or complained about her english professor...she said she made 3 A's and 2 B's...(which is awesome for her!!) I made the comment that her English class must not have been so bad afterall..well she confessed that she failed that class but her failing grade does not go against her GPA, it goes on as an 'N' (when did they start this???)...then ensued a whole conversation on her part of how unfair her teacher was, everyone hated her and everyone failed (except two)...the problem is maybe I am too sensitive b/c I've been teaching writing classes for two years and strive hard to make sure all the kids have a fair shake and just want to grow their love of writing and started out telling her that I would be glad to read her essays prior to turning them in to help in any way, even printed out some helpful handouts...the problem I remember with her class is that she did not start on an assignment until 2am and it was due 7am...She kept going on about how she just needed a new teacher and she won't have a problem, that this lady just told her there was nothing she could do for her, I asked her to what did the teacher respond...and kept getting the mean teacher excuse and I made the stupid point of saying that it helps to spend more time on an assignment and that started world war 3....

 

It only lasted about 5 minutes, but it was just me being the stupid one who was trying to defend her English teacher and teach this child something about accepting some responsibility for the lack of responsibility...

 

The next day, somehow the topic of ACTs comes up, then an argument starts with my sister and me on the side that they are fair predictors of future college success..and my mom and niece's father saying only grades should count, they should do away with ACT/SATs....really? Is there a reason to argue about such things?

 

I remember one Christmas the big argument was that Mountain time was 2 hours behind Central..I had lived in Colorado (the state in question) and knew it was only one hour behind, but my mother took it to the nth degree that it's always been 2 hours, I conceded that some cities like Phoenix or others do not do the time change so sometimes they may be but mountain time is always 1 hour behind central...but the only way to let an argument drop is to let my mother win....my personality can not let anyone 'win' a wrong argument!! I am trying so hard to just smile and nod, smile and nod, smile and nod....

 

Sigh, sigh, sigh....

[Prairie~Phlox]

We are not of the same denomination as my dh's family, they are WELS and we are just straight Christians and their conversations always revolve around their church. I love his family, we only see them about 4x/year, but we r the blacksheep where religion is concerned. Dh's dad even asked me if dd was getting confirmed and when I said no he asked about communion and I told him all who believe take communion. He kind of cringed and I was thinking why aren't you having this discussion with my dh.

[eternalknot]

My in-laws still like to debate on why inter-racial marriage isn't preferrable. Um, their son and I have one. 14 years of one. It used to be a sin and a crime, so at least in time it's become less offensive (to them). Silver linings, and all of that.

 

Their other biggie is politics. My husband and his dad are ridiculously conservative; my SIL married a super liberal guy and jumped ship to his side when they fell in love. It was fun from where I sit in the peanut gallery, but man did that ever cause fireworks between them all! Now every gathering turns into my SIL/BIL fighting against my DH/FIL - as if either side is going to convince the other to change?? They live in a border state, which can make for some colorful conversations based on the politics du jour and daily news articles! You know that smiley with the popcorn? Yeah, that's me and my kids for real, though. We always sit back and watch the show, placing bets on who is going to yell first, stand up first, get out the first expletive, what the first expletive will be, etc. It's like Bingo. We keep a big bag of M&Ms nearby for the winner of each category.

 

Yum ... popcorn and M&Ms ... I need to make a pantry run real quickly :blush:

[GoVanGogh]

MIL was in town last month for five days. Yup. Company and fish stink after the first day.

At one point, DH had to pull MIL out of our master bathroom, because she had followed me into the master bedroom, then on into the master bathroom - all the while telling me how wrong we were for homeschooling.

No matter how much I tried to 'pass the bean dip' or tell her we needed to agree to disagree, she would.not.let.it.go!

All of her reasons against homeschooling were so comical -

1.) Moms can't force their children to learn (and teachers can? I actually think moms have more leverage than teachers...)

2.) Only super-wealthy people are financially able to homeschool. :001_huh: I'm thrilled she thinks we are super-wealthy. :lol:

3.) It's not fair to everyone else that isn't rich enough or smart enough to homeschool. And her example? MIL knows a lady that I went to school with 25 years ago. This lady just found out that both of her young adult, unwed daughters are pregnant. And it isn't fair to those children that they will never amount to anything... :001_huh: Don't even get me started on that one! She has them doomed before they are even born.

4.) She thinks it is terrible that we make our child do chores. She sees children doing chores as lazy parenting. :glare:

I could go on... Suffice it to say, our 'discussions' were not pleasant.

[LibraryLover]

LOL We've talked music, books, politics (we're all over the map lol), 'olden times', recipes, travel experiences, birth experiences, sports and whether football players are modern Roman gladiators, who liked The Help and who hated it, Harry Potter and religion, breastfeeding (all my immediate female relatives did/do), crazy old aunts and uncles, the price of oil, the price of gas, the price of grass fed beef, how the US needs to clean up it's argicultural mess (seems politics doesn't factor in-- most folks recogize it's a mess), whether 30 Rock or John Stewart is funny, whether Noah brought 'juvenile' dinos on the ark, which charities are more worthy, where the kids are going to college, the best places to park in NYC, where we will go on our next vacation, is Boca better than Orlando, why libraries charge for over- dues-- and whether one can get arrested for excessive fines etc.

 

You name it, we have talked about it. But above all, we make music. Music is our best communication 'tool'.

 

If someone wanted to argue the time in CO, I would say nothing. I really do not care. lol I so do not. Care. lol

Edited January 6, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Tarreymere]

MIL was in town last month for five days. Yup. Company and fish stink after the first day.

At one point, DH had to pull MIL out of our master bathroom, because she had followed me into the master bedroom, then on into the master bathroom - all the while telling me how wrong we were for homeschooling.

No matter how much I tried to 'pass the bean dip' or tell her we needed to agree to disagree, she would.not.let.it.go!

All of her reasons against homeschooling were so comical -

1.) Moms can't force their children to learn (and teachers can? I actually think moms have more leverage than teachers...)

2.) Only super-wealthy people are financially able to homeschool. :001_huh: I'm thrilled she thinks we are super-wealthy. :lol:

3.) It's not fair to everyone else that isn't rich enough or smart enough to homeschool. And her example? MIL knows a lady that I went to school with 25 years ago. This lady just found out that both of her young adult, unwed daughters are pregnant. And it isn't fair to those children that they will never amount to anything... :001_huh: Don't even get me started on that one! She has them doomed before they are even born.

4.) She thinks it is terrible that we make our child do chores. She sees children doing chores as lazy parenting. :glare:

I could go on... Suffice it to say, our 'discussions' were not pleasant.

 

 

:grouphug: YIKES!

[T'smom]

Most of the time, discussions with my in-laws are very pleasant. No one ever says anything that has actual substance. We talk about things that are so superficial.

But, sometimes dh picks arguments with me that sound like those. Stupid arguments. As soon as I realize the argument has started (how is it we can get so sucked in so fast?!?!??) I simply state "This is a stupid argument and I am not going to discuss it further." When he tries to continue, I say "Honey, I love you to much to fight with you over something like this." If he STILL tries- I say "I will not have this discussion." Sometimes several times. Maybe he just likes to argue?!?!? Anyway, it works at diffusing the situation without agreeing with them. I can't stomach the smiling and nodding sometimes because it can be taken as agreement and I do NOT want to appear to agree with some of the ridiculous things he's said.

[kalanamak]

 

I remember one Christmas the big argument was that Mountain time was 2 hours behind Central..I had lived in Colorado (the state in question) and knew it was only one hour behind, but my mother took it to the nth degree that it's always been 2 hours,

 

:lol: I am reminded of that Woody Allen movie where the parents were arguing: Whaddya mean the Atlantic is a better ocean than the Pacific!

 

 

And, isn't it obvious to the world that grades can vary a lot from place to place and could even be, cough, bought? Shouldn't there be something so you know the kid hasn't good ole boy'd into the 4.0?

[LibraryLover]

:lol: I am reminded of that Woody Allen movie where the parents were arguing: Whaddya mean the Atlantic is a better ocean than the Pacific!

 

QUOTE]

 

 

 

lol

Edited January 6, 2012 by LibraryLover

[GoVanGogh]

:grouphug: YIKES!

Thanks. It has been three weeks and I'm still rattled.

Ironically... She is judging all of homeschooling on one family she knows. Yet she raised four children and sent them to public school. Two dropped out of school and the third is basically illiterate. Only one did well in public school and went on to college. So her 'success rate' from public school is 25%, not so great. Yet I could never tell her that because it would be rude! :glare: But she could tell me that all of homeschoolers are failing because of this one family she knows.

[Jane in NC]

:lol: I am reminded of that Woody Allen movie where the parents were arguing: Whaddya mean the Atlantic is a better ocean than the Pacific!

 

 

Snort! I need to remember this one the next time my family gets into argue-for-the-sake-of-arguing mode!

[MamaT]

My mil cannot be around us very long without saying something totally offensive. It is usually something racist - and I have two adopted AA daughters who are well aware that their grandmother is racist.

 

We used to spend equal time between my family and dh's when we visited, usually 3 days at each. We had a family meeting this summer and decided to limit the time at his mother's house to 1 day. That is all any of us can stand. It is a shame, as she is their last living grandparent.

[BarbecueMom]

My uncle is one of those "all technology is bad" kinds of people and it really irritates DH because he works in information security. Last time my uncle started ranting about technology at a family dinner, it was about how ATMs and online banking were putting tellers out of work (so those IT guys who code and secure internet banking are just chopped liver?). I told him our bank was only online, but we use the drive-up at another local bank if we need to. Apparently, the drive-up is no better, because he wants to be able to "reach out and touch the teller". We all started cracking up laughing, and I tried to convince him that online banking, ATMs, and drive-up banking exist to keep old guys from groping the tellers all day.

 

He still goes on and on about the people being put out of work by technology or whatever. :glare:

[ma23peas]

LOL We've had some doozies. We've talked music, books, politics (we're all over the map lol), 'olden times', recipes, travel experiences, birth experiences, sports and whether football players are modern Roman gladiators, who liked The Help and who hated it, Harry Potter and religion, breastfeeding (all my immediate female relatives did/do), crazy old aunts and uncles, the price of oil, the price of gas, the price of grass fed beef, how the US needs to clean up it's argicultural mess (seems politics doesn't factor in-- most folks recogize it's a mess), whether 30 Rock or John Stewart is funny, whether Noah brought 'juvenile' dinos on the ark, which charities are more worthy, where the kids are going to college, the best places to park in NYC, where we will go on our next vacation, is Boca better than Orlando, why libraries charge for over- dues-- and whether one can get arrested for excessive fines etc.

 

You name it, we have talked about it. But above all, we make music. Music is our best communication 'tool'.

 

If someone wanted to argue the time in CO, I would say nothing. I really do not care. lol I so do not. Care. lol

 

That is hilarious and encouraging that these things go on in other homes!!! I am sure it's not about the time in Colorado...it's soooo much deeper than that, I chose to homeschool so she looks at that as a slam on her choice to send us to public school (huh?), I have horses..so she looks at that as a slam against her for not ever providing horse riding lessons (huh?), I love my grandmother (my dad's mom) very much...she can't stand her so she looks at that as me choosing grandmother over her (huh?)....it's sooo deep seeded...that there has always been this air of contention...if my brother said the mountain time zone was 3 hours behind, she would agree with him in a second....she just must challenge so many of my statements all the time....it started out with "I need to call my friend xyz, but she's an hour behind so I need to wait a bit to make sure she's up"....My mom dug in and would not let go that it was 2 hours behind....it's as if whoever 'won' that argument would put our contentions to rest for good....I am going to smile and nod smile and nod!

[LibraryLover]

Oh also,"Did Lee Harvey Oswald act alone?"

 

I'll admit, I actually don't argue at all with anyone at family parties. There are times and places for certain discussions, but Christmas Eve isn't one of those times. Im not that invested in getting any person to come over to my way of thinking. I more ask questions and say "hmmm, interesting, how big was this ark ?" And, " Robert Kennedy sure did harass the mob", and " Truly, it doesnt matter to me how many kids The Duggars have. Her body, her choice" (this last part I save for certain people.) Or, " Kim was only married 24 hours? Huh. Mmmm. Well, that wasn't very long." (Which is just a set up to allow some particular tipsy relative to say, "Thats what she said." I can be very generous that way. ;))

 

I'll let pretty much anything blow by me but racism and gay bashing. And that has rarely happened. It takes a lot to get me riled. Sometimes people have asked, "How come you didn't say anything to so and so when they were fussing that hsing is keeping your kids out of the real world?" I have to honestly reply I didn't even hear it. Sersiouly, it's a gift. I have a very finely- tuned "Don't Care" filter.

Edited January 3, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Jennifer3141]

We've pretty much stopped arguing with my parents. We leave now. Yes, we just get up and LEAVE. They like to argue about medicine with DH (who is a doctor but they read the Mayo website!). They love to argue politics with me (all those poor people shouldn't have kids but now please pass my social security check...) etc. etc.

 

ONE time we made the mistake of getting our car repaired in their city. That will NEVER happen again. We need to be able to flee at a moment's notice. The kids have even gotten used to it. "Get everything, guys! We're outta here!" :lol:

[LibraryLover]

We've pretty much stopped arguing with my parents. We leave now. Yes, we just get up and LEAVE. They like to argue about medicine with DH (who is a doctor but they read the Mayo website!). They love to argue politics with me (all those poor people shouldn't have kids but now please pass my social security check...) etc. etc.

 

ONE time we made the mistake of getting our car repaired in their city. That will NEVER happen again. We need to be able to flee at a moment's notice. The kids have even gotten used to it. "Get everything, guys! We're outta here!" :lol:

 

 

LOL I would absolutely do that if people were obnoxious. I don't want to be around true crazy. Eccentric is fine, however.

[Jennifer3141]

LOL I would absolutely do that if people were obnoxious. I don't want to be around true crazy. Eccentric is fine, however.

 

I can handle them when they are eccentric but something snaps in my mom and she goes from eccentric to obnoxious for no apparent reason. I am a Democrat (actually I'm a Green Party but let's face, they need to stop toking to be taken seriously ) and my mother is a HUGE fan of Sarah Palin.

 

Now when they come over, I put my Sarah doll away. I don't have any Goddess stuff hanging out. I keep my crystals around but they are just big, pretty rocks.

 

I once took the kids to my parents, walked through the door and had my mother thrust "proof" that President Obama is a Muslim in a printed web article from Fox News. Drove for 3 hours there. Spent 3 minutes. Drove 3 hours home. :lol:

[angela in ohio]

My mil brought the topic round to death at Christmas dinner as usual. She was ranting about how she will give any of her dc POA (not sure where that came from :D) and she'd rather just burn herself up in her home as an old lady. Dd asked us on the way home why grandma only talks about death. :lol:

 

Sil and bil got after dh for seeing his father a few years ago, even though his mom didn't want him to. At the point where you leave a man for his best friend and hide his dc from him for years, you have to expect that your ds (6 at the time) is going to want to see his father some day. :glare: They claim that is the reason for all the family tension, and not mil's mental issues. They also claim we'd all be closer if dh would patch things up with his mom (though he's done a million things for her and she treats him like garbage,) never mind that they don't follow through when we make efforts to see them, her family always comes first, and she usually leaves the room when we visit until we feel uncomfortable and leave.

 

Ahhh, family. Thank goodness we're free until Easter. :D

[angela in ohio]

Apparently, the drive-up is no better, because he wants to be able to "reach out and touch the teller". We all started cracking up laughing, and I tried to convince him that online banking, ATMs, and drive-up banking exist to keep old guys from groping the tellers all day.

 

That will get him arrested. :lol:

[Onceuponatime]

We are boring. Most talk is of the weather and how everyone is doing. Strong opinions are avoided.

 

If I disagree with my mother, say on the subject of getting $20,000 in debt to remodel my kitchen and bathroom, which I wont do, I just smile. She lives 5 hours away and I see her once a year. So what if she hates my house. She has enough sense to stop bringing up the subject when I don't respond.

 

Thankfully noone is unavoidably obnoxious.

[LibraryLover]

LOL That would be tough stuff. My mother (born -again later in life) voted for Obama. My mother has always been a rebel. Sarah Palin. Thankfully there isn't much I can't fend off with a giggle, "I can see Russia from my house." I even ignore liberal bashing with, "Well, they did invent the internet." I can see ridiculous where it exists. "I did not have sex with that woman."

 

 

 

 

I can handle them when they are eccentric but something snaps in my mom and she goes from eccentric to obnoxious for no apparent reason. I am a Democrat (actually I'm a Green Party but let's face, they need to stop toking to be taken seriously ) and my mother is a HUGE fan of Sarah Palin.

 

Now when they come over, I put my Sarah doll away. I don't have any Goddess stuff hanging out. I keep my crystals around but they are just big, pretty rocks.

 

I once took the kids to my parents, walked through the door and had my mother thrust "proof" that President Obama is a Muslim in a printed web article from Fox News. Drove for 3 hours there. Spent 3 minutes. Drove 3 hours home. :lol:

Edited January 6, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Daisy]

The only discussions I get into tend to be with my Dad and about...

 

Illegal aliens (As in he pretty much believes every Hispanic is one.)

Aliens (He believes they exist. I don't. And of course the theological implications of those beliefs.)

Theology (We both have theology degrees. He is an Pentecostal Armininan and I'm a Reformed Calvinist. Interesting to say the least).

 

I'm only around my family once every 3-5 years or so, but these are reoccurring themes. I have no idea what the rest of the family argues about (or discusses). LOL.

[LibraryLover]

The only discussions I get into tend to be with my Dad and about...

 

Illegal aliens (As in he pretty much believes every Hispanic is one.)

Aliens (He believes they exist. I don't. And of course the theological implications of those beliefs.)

Theology (We both have theology degrees. He is an Pentecostal Armininan and I'm a Reformed Calvinist. Interesting to say the least).

 

I'm only around my family once every 3-5 years or so, but these are reoccurring themes. I have no idea what the rest of the family argues about (or discusses). LOL.

 

 

If they landed, would he consider space aliens illegal? ;)

[Daisy]

If they landed, would he consider space aliens illegal? ;)

 

LOL. That just might change his opinion of them. :lol:

[Belacqua]

The men in our family tend to get wound up about science. Usually astronomy. A few glasses of wine over dinner and soon enough they're shouting about dark matter and exoplanets. Now, not one of these guys has a science degree or a science-related job. Most of their knowledge comes from PBS specials. But they have passion. I'll give them that. It can get ugly, though. We all still remember The Year Stephen Hawking Ruined Christmas.

[Jennifer3141]

If they landed, would he consider space aliens illegal? ;)

 

We're huge Star Trek fans in this household (I believe we have to be to earn our Geek Trifecta card) and DD asked this question after a day of NPR and learning people can be "illegal."

 

"But what about the Vulcans, Mom!?! Would THEY be illegal???"

[Jennifer3141]

The men in our family tend to get wound up about science. Usually astronomy. A few glasses of wine over dinner and soon enough they're shouting about dark matter and exoplanets. Now, not one of these guys has a science degree or a science-related job. Most of their knowledge comes from PBS specials. But they have passion. I'll give them that. It can get ugly, though. We all still remember The Year Stephen Hawking Ruined Christmas.

 

I'm going to your next Christmas party!!!! :lol::lol:

[LibraryLover]

The men in our family tend to get wound up about science. Usually astronomy. A few glasses of wine over dinner and soon enough they're shouting about dark matter and exoplanets. Now, not one of these guys has a science degree or a science-related job. Most of their knowledge comes from PBS specials. But they have passion. I'll give them that. It can get ugly, though. We all still remember The Year Stephen Hawking Ruined Christmas.

 

 

:lol: A few years ago we (not at Christmas...a birthday, i think) we had a heady discussion about the PBS series on God and Evolution with some folks from my mother's church. I love that series, that young geologist... but apparently, there is a website set up simply to explain how that series will be the downfall of America...or something. I did bow out, as I am not really interested in athiest conspiracy theories, and for me, there is really no way to have an easy conversation with folks who truly believe this to be so. Others at the party did contine the discussion. It wasn't very pretty, and it wasn't my house. Although, all in all, I think the folks participating did enjoy themselves. :lurk5:

Edited January 3, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Virg]

My huge extended family are all right-wing conservatives and Armenian Christians. Yet they still argue loudly and very passionately with each other, who agree with them mind you. They yell and make points like they are going to persuade the other side, WHO AGREES! Then the other side yells back about even worse/better statistics/facts/opinions. They get more and more worked up. It is nuts to watch. Everyone is on the same freaking side! They just love to argue so much that if no one disagrees they will argue with people who agree. Really it isn't arguing I guess, it is just loud, passionate agreeing :lol: (I've seen them with people who do disagree and it looks the same just there is actually another side!)

[Rivka]

The men in our family tend to get wound up about science. Usually astronomy. A few glasses of wine over dinner and soon enough they're shouting about dark matter and exoplanets. Now, not one of these guys has a science degree or a science-related job. Most of their knowledge comes from PBS specials. But they have passion. I'll give them that. It can get ugly, though. We all still remember The Year Stephen Hawking Ruined Christmas.

 

I love this!

 

Our Christmas with my family of origin was so... harmonious. Hot topics:

 

- Should brother and SIL settle down where they are, or move somewhere with mountains? (Subtopic: Is Portland OR still as nice as we remember it being in our immediately post-college youth?)

 

- What needs fixing or replacing in everyone's house? Also, what is everyone's house worth compared to when they bought it?

 

- Recent dramatic illnesses and injuries.

 

- Rivka's new iPad is awesome!!!

 

Also, my brother and SIL are looking to afterschool math, my sister the public school teacher really wishes she had a science program like RSO Chemistry, and my mother wants to know if my kids are sick less often because of homeschooling (answer: no).