Dmmetler Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Do you find yourself regretting it now? We've gradually given up exchanging gifts with basically all people over the age of about 12 in my family-this was already a custom on my side of the family, and it's something that after quite a few years, DH and his sister accepted, and this year DH and I decided that it was silly to try to find something the other person wanted and didn't already have or wouldn't be better off buying for themselves. So, except for sending out pictures and things drawn by DD, we only bought for DD and the people she exchanges gifts with, plus angel tree gifts. And financially it makes sense. But now, a few days after Christmas, I'm finding myself feeling...left out, I guess. Somehow, opening "Angry Birds, Knock on Wood" from DD as my only gift(which I suspect she'll end up adopting) isn't quite the same. I know I COULD go online and order an iPad or Kindle (I'm still debating which I want)-but why bother? It's just not the same. Same with everything else-if I couldn't justify buying it for me in November, I can't justify it in December or January. I know it's a childish way to act-but I can't seem to get past it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 It doesn't have to be an Ipad or nothing. We exchange gifts, and always will. But, we have a set spending limit. What the limit is depends on our finances that year. We discuss the limit in advance, and stay true to it. The past few years the limit is $100. We can buy a big gift or several little gifts. It works out great. We have such fun! Even if the limit was $25 each we would still have fun figuring out what to get the other person. And you are NOT allowed to buy yourself anything between thanksgiving and Christmas, so that there is still something to give, if that makes sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 No. But I do get presents from my mom. I really dislike shopping, she likes it. So she always has a want list from me. Usually if she gets me stuff throughout the year she asks me to write her a check for X amount. At Christmas I just don't have to write the check. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 We've never really exchanged gifts. Prior to kids we used to celebrate occasions by going somewhere to experience something together. That's much more my style than gifts. However, if you look at "love languages" both of us have gifts low (dead last for me and 2nd to last for hubby) in our hierarchy. If a person felt loved by receiving gifts I think it would be a bad idea to stop exchanging. If you felt left out this year I would exchange again next year. It would indicate it's important to you at some level. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 We only did it one year. Now we just try to exchange a small, meaningful gift. This year dh did go over our agreed budget but he bought me the Anne of Green Gables DVD set so I'm not complaining. Next year I will reciprocate. :D Just don't think of it as something that must be big. It can inexpensive and still be nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I'm too old for presents. I get hubby our wall calender with a theme he loves (boats), and he usually "does" something for me (this year he installed a new kitchen sink), but we only do it for kiddo to see. We would have had those things anyway. If presents still meant something to me, I'd reverse the ruling. Could you, for money sake, make something necessary somehow festive? That is what we have done, but not for our own feelings, but for kiddo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danybug Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 The last couple of years I have made dh agree to not exchange presents. I just feel like we truly buy whatever we want when we want (me especially :glare:) So, we agreed we would just make it about the kids for now. I would rather get them more and forgo exchanging something just because. And the kids each bought us something, which made it something for Christmas morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 We don't exchange presents and never have. We share finances and I make the budget. If we can afford it, I'll buy things for myself and say, "look honey, you got me this for my birthday/christmas/other." We both laugh. I buy him things he needs/wants just because I do the shopping. We don't exchange cards either. I guess for me, him remembering our special days by giving me a hug and his time is more than enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AStableBeginning Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 And you are NOT allowed to buy yourself anything between thanksgiving and Christmas, so that there is still something to give, if that makes sense. We do the same thing in our family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I never was into exchanging gifts with dh. I always felt we were short on money, yadda, yadda. I'm also not accustomed to people making fusses about birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I always thought it was kind of silly and self centered for adults. I've changed my mind.:) Not because I want the gifts. Really, my dh is not good at gifting or romance or any of that. I changed my mind because I see these occasions as opportunities for relationship building. After 15 years of not celebrating/exchanging gifts I realized it wasn't good for our relationship. I now see letting those occasions slide by was missing opportunities to connect. I realize it isn't really what you are asking and not what you were getting at but I have decided dh and I should do something just because it is an opportunity to connect. We have been much too child centered in our family. Cash was short this year but we did say we would have an exchange in March..lol. So, we started out not exchanging but are moving in the opposite direction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 This would not fly at our home. Dh HAS to buy gifts and wants to open gifts. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Do you find yourself regretting it now? No, I don't regret it. I think giving and receiving gifts that aren't needed is just a waste of money. And we'd always rather see the mortgage go down. That said, this year I did wrap silly things for dh and I (yes, I bought all the gifts). This is what they were - an aluminium water bottle each (only because I was buying for the kids, anyway, and we do need them), cute post-it notes (which my mother had actually given to dd about 6 years ago, but were still unopened), a mini diary ($4), an Itunes card (because the ones I got the kids came in a pack of 3). Dh also bought himself a dive torch which he wanted, and I bought an iPad stylus. So, basically, the alternative to "no gifts" is - delay a couple of things you want until Christmas and then wrap them, or give consumable things. That still meets my criteria for adult gift-giving, i.e. no waste of money or space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 No, I don't regret it. I think giving and receiving gifts that aren't needed is just a waste of money. And we'd always rather see the mortgage go down. That said, this year I did wrap silly things for dh and I (yes, I bought all the gifts). This is what they were - an aluminium water bottle each (only because I was buying for the kids, anyway, and we do need them), cute post-it notes (which my mother had actually given to dd about 6 years ago, but were still unopened), a mini diary ($4), an Itunes card (because the ones I got the kids came in a pack of 3). Dh also bought himself a dive torch which he wanted, and I bought an iPad stylus. So, basically, the alternative to "no gifts" is - delay a couple of things you want until Christmas and then wrap them, or give consumable things. That still meets my criteria for adult gift-giving, i.e. no waste of money or space. Ok, but how is buying these things for yourself (a stylus for instance) better than having him buy you something you need and would enjoy? My gifts from my hubby are all practical, but it is nice getting them from him, and knowing he pays a attention. I got a roaster oven, a giant measuring cup I'd been wanting for a while but never remember to buy when I am at the store, and some books I'd been wanting. I got him a virtual adoption of an owl at a local avian rehab center, coffee from his favorite diner, and some tools he will need to an upcoming remodeling job, oh, and a book on cool projects to do with your kids. NOthing wasted, all things we should buy anyway, but more fun as gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Do you find yourself regretting it now? We've gradually given up exchanging gifts with basically all people over the age of about 12 in my family-this was already a custom on my side of the family, and it's something that after quite a few years, DH and his sister accepted, and this year DH and I decided that it was silly to try to find something the other person wanted and didn't already have or wouldn't be better off buying for themselves. So, except for sending out pictures and things drawn by DD, we only bought for DD and the people she exchanges gifts with, plus angel tree gifts. And financially it makes sense. But now, a few days after Christmas, I'm finding myself feeling...left out, I guess. Somehow, opening "Angry Birds, Knock on Wood" from DD as my only gift(which I suspect she'll end up adopting) isn't quite the same. I know I COULD go online and order an iPad or Kindle (I'm still debating which I want)-but why bother? It's just not the same. Same with everything else-if I couldn't justify buying it for me in November, I can't justify it in December or January. I know it's a childish way to act-but I can't seem to get past it. We never exchange gifts -- not at Christmas, not at Valentine's, not at birthdays, not at anniversaries. We both agree that having a holiday force you to buy a gift for someone is not really much of a thoughtful gift. I am grateful that neither of us have the Love Language of Receiving Gifts. In fact, neither of us understands that concept at all. We are just not that way. We might get each other gifts at any time, but it is never an expectations, and it need not be that he got me something so now I have to get him something. It isn't like that at all. We will just pick up something when we are thinking of doing it and think the other would like that. No obligations. No expectations. No regrets. I did give him a Playbook for Christmas, but I won a pair of Playbooks in a local raffle. I gave them to dh and ds. It was a fun thing to be able to do. I wouldn't have been able to afford something like that right now, so it was a gift from the Cosmos as well. I have been just as pleased by the fact that dh bought me a pack of my favourite gum as when he has bought me more pricey things. Letting go of "gift expectations" makes it much more enjoyable to give and much more enjoyable to receive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 We don't exchange presents and never have. We share finances and I make the budget. If we can afford it, I'll buy things for myself and say, "look honey, you got me this for my birthday/christmas/other." We both laugh. I buy him things he needs/wants just because I do the shopping. We don't exchange cards either. I guess for me, him remembering our special days by giving me a hug and his time is more than enough. :iagree: I could have written this. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
By Grace Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I never was into exchanging gifts with dh. I always felt we were short on money, yadda, yadda. I'm also not accustomed to people making fusses about birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I always thought it was kind of silly and self centered for adults. I've changed my mind.:) Not because I want the gifts. Really, my dh is not good at gifting or romance or any of that. I changed my mind because I see these occasions as opportunities for relationship building. After 15 years of not celebrating/exchanging gifts I realized it wasn't good for our relationship. I now see letting those occasions slide by was missing opportunities to connect. I realize it isn't really what you are asking and not what you were getting at but I have decided dh and I should do something just because it is an opportunity to connect. We have been much too child centered in our family. Cash was short this year but we did say we would have an exchange in March..lol. So, we started out not exchanging but are moving in the opposite direction. This is the first year we haven't exchanged gifts with each other at all. We got a new washer/dryer earlier in the month (the dryer was dying, and the set was on clearance), so we didn't want to put any money into our own stuff. That said, this post makes a good point. I feel like we're missing something from our experience of the holiday. We're both pretty frugal, and it annoys both of us when we buy a gift for the other that wasn't a great fit. I think DH was relieved to not have to try and figure it all out this year. But I think we both felt a little deprived. Last May, we celebrated our 15th anniversary and didn't go anywhere bc we had a 3-month-old nursing baby and I couldn't leave him for long. We decided we would do something special for this coming year instead to make up for it. We both really enjoy spending time together. So we thought maybe we'd do a weekend away together. But recently, I had a revelation--why not spread it out a bit? So I suggested that DH and I take guitar lessons together for a few months instead of a one-weekend trip. He loved the idea, and I'm getting excited about it! So maybe in the future, you could try to find things you DO together, instead of things to GIVE each other? It doesn't have to cost money, either. A few years ago, we took dance lessons together that were offered at the local civic center--it was $5 for the evening, and we absolutely had a blast. I agree with the pp, to find your "love language" and capitalize on that. You can give *something* without it being in the form of traditional gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 We do not exchange gifts on designated holidays. However, if you regret your decision, wouldn't it be a simple matter of notifying husband that you have rethought the matter and do indeed wish to exchange gifts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 If a person felt loved by receiving gifts I think it would be a bad idea to stop exchanging. If you felt left out this year I would exchange again next year. It would indicate it's important to you at some level. :iagree: This exactly. Not getting a gift from DH doesn't bother me in the slightest. We do not get gifts for each other on birthdays or our anniversary. Gift-giving is not a way that either of us shows our love I guess. However, we sort of exchange gifts at Christmas because the kids are opening gifts and it does feel odd to be left out. We rarely try to surprise the other though. If we aren't sure about a gift, we ask. There's no reason to waste money really. Then again, we do tend to buy things we want throughout the year so it's not like we're having to save up or wait for a special gift giving day to justify an expense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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