plain jane Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 My 7yo made a new friend in one of her classes. She's been regularly playing with and talking to this girl since Sept and it's not the first time I've heard of her. This week I watched part of their class (normally we are not allowed) and saw how much this little girl likes my dd too. Anyways, little girl asks my dd if she can have a playdate sometime. So, when dd asks me, I go over to the mom and mention that our kids would like to get together. She seems friendly enough and suggests after Christmas but before the kids go back to school. She doesn't know we homeschool and I'm not sure if she'll run for the hills when she finds out. :lol::lol: It turns out the family lives quite close to me but I don't know them at all. While the mom seems nice enough, she doesn't seem like someone I'd be friends with. Weirdly, this is the first time I've encountered such a situation so I'm not sure what people do. :blush: I'm not entirely comfortable just dropping my dd off at their house, although, I'm not entirely uncomfortable with the idea either. I don't know how the mom normally does things and if she would expect to just drop her dd off or have me drop mine off. Would we do a playdate for the kids while the mom and I sit and have a visit? I don't feel like I'm the kind of person she'd hang out with and am a bit shy to have her over & I don't want to have her feel like she has to have us over since I have a whole lot of littles (she only has the 7yo and an older sib). I suggested we exchange phone numbers and it sounds like we'll do something in early January. But what? :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Invite them over for tea. The first visit doesn't have to be all day. You need to get to know the mom even if she's not going to be your best friend. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasharowan Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 We usually start with a date to the park or something similar, where the kids can play, but the mom's aren't forced to chat if it's uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyWifeandMommy Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 i am recently gone homeschooling to public schooling but my rules will stay the same. before any of my children go to a friends house we must first meet both parents and have two playdates/visits while I stay there or vis versa. this way we get more of a feel of the family. if the family isn't willing to meet the requirement then my children may only play with them at school or at the playground or other common areas. most parents in my are are not into visiting with other parents. most never go past the hi stage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 We usually meet a few times for a public play date-park, indoor playground, go to lunch, go do an activity together, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stayseeliz Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 We do supervised play only. You never know what people have in their homes. Guns, porn, etc. I was exposed to dirty magazines at a young age at a fellow church members home. I'd suggest a park date or indoor play area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I would absolutely invite the girl over to your house. I'd expect the mom to stay. If my dc were going over to this person's house (virtually unknown family), I'd expect to stay the whole time, chatting with mom and getting to know more about them. Although you have your littles to keep you busy, at the very, very least, the mom should stay for a good amount of time before leaving while the girls continue to play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeeBeaks Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 We also do a park or "public" space and stay for a time or two. Once both moms feel comfortable, we then do alternating homes if we like. Are you both at this venue/class? Can you try and chat with her there more? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celia Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I always invite to my house first, presuming the mom will stay. If she doesn't, then I keep a very close ear on the kids. You can learn a lot about how a child is raised by just listening to the kids! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 At that age, I've always stayed for coffee the first time, to get to know the family. I've always been invited in... Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 (edited) I would invite the girl over and invite the mom (and other sibs) to stay for the play date. I would try to make their first meetings at a neutral place or at my house until I felt more comfortable with the family. I wouldn't be comfortable with them hosting a play date because I can't really haul my entire clan to someone else's house without being rude. The other family would think we were planning a take over. :lol: Edited December 9, 2011 by 2squared Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 We usually meet a few times for a public play date-park, indoor playground, go to lunch, go do an activity together, etc. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I really need to get better about this myself. My little girl is such a social little thing. And we have THREE of her classmates within five houses of us (and another kindergartener within that range and another just outside of it!). I did talk to the one mom one morning. But mostly I'm so shy it isn't funny. And it is weird. The other kids don't play outside nearly as much as we do, but when they do, they have A LOT more freedom than I'd allow a 5yr old (not to mention foster care limitations). Anyway, I do think I need to force myself to be a little bit friendly. Even if we didn't do playdates much, our kids are with each other all day (and there are only 13 kids in the class!) so I should know the family....I think. I so was not meant to be a public school mom. Even still, I'll always be the mom of three very social children so probably need to learn to at least be kinda friendly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 This is good to hear, since the public school kid mentality around here is just to invite someone over without any parent involvement, except to act as chauffeur. Just a curious-type question, Jane--why don't you think you'd not pick the mom as a friend? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 This is good to hear, since the public school kid mentality around here is just to invite someone over without any parent involvement, except to act as chauffeur. I do this with my 9yo if she is having a short after school play date, but we usually at least know of the other family. I don't do this with my 7yo yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 We didn't do "playdates." We usually got together as a family (or just mothers and children), often at the park. If our dc hit it off, and if we mothers liked each other, we might have allowed the children to visit each other on a weekend. If it happened that they lived close by, then they'd just play with each other in the afternoon when they were finished with their school work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momma aimee Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 My 7yo made a new friend in one of her classes. She's been regularly playing with and talking to this girl since Sept and it's not the first time I've heard of her. This week I watched part of their class (normally we are not allowed) and saw how much this little girl likes my dd too. Anyways, little girl asks my dd if she can have a playdate sometime. So, when dd asks me, I go over to the mom and mention that our kids would like to get together. She seems friendly enough and suggests after Christmas but before the kids go back to school. She doesn't know we homeschool and I'm not sure if she'll run for the hills when she finds out. :lol::lol: It turns out the family lives quite close to me but I don't know them at all. While the mom seems nice enough, she doesn't seem like someone I'd be friends with. Weirdly, this is the first time I've encountered such a situation so I'm not sure what people do. :blush: I'm not entirely comfortable just dropping my dd off at their house, although, I'm not entirely uncomfortable with the idea either. I don't know how the mom normally does things and if she would expect to just drop her dd off or have me drop mine off. Would we do a playdate for the kids while the mom and I sit and have a visit? I don't feel like I'm the kind of person she'd hang out with and am a bit shy to have her over & I don't want to have her feel like she has to have us over since I have a whole lot of littles (she only has the 7yo and an older sib). I suggested we exchange phone numbers and it sounds like we'll do something in early January. But what? :001_huh: 1. invite the mom and DD over so the girls can play and you and the mom can get to know each other 2. suggest a meeting for you and your DD and her and her DD in a public place -- Mickey D's play land, a indoor place place, etc ... so the kids can play and you and the mom can get to know each other since you live close and the girls like each other -- it could be a great thing for both families. long term though, my kids do not have play dates or any contact with families were i am not on freindly terms with the parents. If I can not count the mom as my freind -- there are no playdates etc... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AHASRADA Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I have always accompanied my dc for playdates and/or invited the child to my house (along with mom, if she'd like). I only do drop offs with people we know very well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I would say, "I was thinking that maybe we could get together for coffee and let the girls play sometime. What do you think?" Or, I would ask her if she'd like to meet up at the playground or something. Not a big deal. Why do you think that she doesn't want to hang out with you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Just curious...what if you and the mom don't really hit it off, at least well enough to want to hang out together? I mean, there are lots of people that I think are OK, but I don't really have a lot to say to. If you're not kindred spirits with the mom -- but she's perfectly nice, with a clean house and well-mannered children -- would you refuse to let your children spend time with her children? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 long term though, my kids do not have play dates or any contact with families were i am not on freindly terms with the parents. If I can not count the mom as my freind -- there are no playdates etc... "On friendly terms" and "friends" are two very different relationships. I can't imagine my dc being friends with kids if the parents & I weren't able to be on friendly terms, but I also can't imagine limiting their friendships to kids of my friends. My kids have friends who are great kids and their parents are great people, but I'm not necessarily friends with the parents. My family is larger like the OP's, and the rules of friends, play dates, etc have had to change as our family grew. The rules also have had to change as the kids got older, so what I am comfortable with now is not what I was comfortable with when my oldest was K age or younger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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