When something has to give, what do you choose to let go?

[J'etudie]

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[MamaT]

I remember when my three little ones were babies, sitting down and thinking about that question. I knew caring for my little ones and giving them the attention they needed and schooling my older children were the two highest priorities for my life right then. I cut housework to an absolute minimum. We had very simple dinners. I let go of baking/cooking from scratch for a few years. Outside activities were limited to one day a week (other than baseball season!). It still took every bit of energy I had.

 

Thankfully, my dh saw my need and hired someone to come in and do the housework. It does get easier. They become more independent and, if you teach them to do it, helpful with the housework.

[Janie Grace]

I let housework go, when I get overwhelmed. I figure my family needs to learn, to eat and to be clothed. But no one is going to die (or be limited in their future careers) because of a sticky kitchen floor or a yucky shower. I get to things when I can.

[MissKNG]

I've been reading several threads about moms feeling overwhelmed, etc., and most days I'm right there with them. My 5dc are ages 9 and under and I'm going from 5:30am to 9:30pm most days just trying to manage it all. Getting to my k'er this year has been harder than I expected, and that's only 30-45 minutes a day. When I look at the future, I just feel :willy_nilly:.

 

I know priorities must be chosen, sacrifices must be made. I'm just wondering if you reached a point where you had to let something go, what was it and why. Was it different things at different stages of life? Were you glad you chose to let "X" go or not?

 

I need ideas to ponder. I need to think about what can "give" around here now and in the future.

 

First, I love your '"hours" - they are pretty much the same here and I only have two girls!! Our day is non-stop and with dh's work schedule, I'm pretty much a single parent with two highly active, intense and demanding girls. I feel :willy_nilly: too!

 

One thing we do is quiet time! Every day (unless we are out or have guests). This is at least 45 minutes for me to re-group and breath!

 

Another thing I try to let go is: THE COMPUTER! I get so much more done!

 

I guess I really don't have a lot I "let go", I just am on the move all day. I am a "Monk" when it comes to the house but I keep things in check by picking up and cleaning up (ie. I always clean up after a meal). I am always picking up and straightening up as I move around the house. This also eliminates my need to formally exercise ---> constant movement = calories burned. A clean house makes me feel good and accomplished.

 

As for homeschooling and life, I keep us on a schedule. My girls function well on a schedule and so do I.

 

Also, when I'm very overwhelmed and need to get stuff done, I'm not afraid to turn on the TV and have "mandatory TV time" where they need to actually sit as long as possible and settle down. I know many folks think TV is "taboo" but my girls don't just sit and watch. They are just too busy so "TV time" isn't a problem here. But I do actually ask them to please sit and watch TV so I can do this or that.

 

I don't know if I answered your question but I hope I gave you a few ideas to think about!!

Edited October 8, 2011 by MissKNG

[silliness7]

I've been reading several threads about moms feeling overwhelmed, etc., and most days I'm right there with them. My 5dc are ages 9 and under and I'm going from 5:30am to 9:30pm most days just trying to manage it all. Getting to my k'er this year has been harder than I expected, and that's only 30-45 minutes a day. When I look at the future, I just feel :willy_nilly:.

 

I know priorities must be chosen, sacrifices must be made. I'm just wondering if you reached a point where you had to let something go, what was it and why. Was it different things at different stages of life? Were you glad you chose to let "X" go or not?

 

I need ideas to ponder. I need to think about what can "give" around here now and in the future.

 

I gave up my schedule allergy. Now my schedule is the most wonderful thing to happen to me. Now if the schedule gets too full I keep the 3 R's and Bible. Latin is a keeper. History gets more time here than science. I would rather pull back on science. But that is personal preference. Logic gets pushed to the side or scaled back. Geography doesn't get as much coverage as it could but oh well.

 

I do remember when I gave up play-dates and outside activities. Then I gave up doctor's appts. and other errands during school time. That is crucial to fitting everyone in.

 

Is it a given that I gave up on housework waaaay back? :D

[AK_Mom4]

It DOES get less physically exhausting as the kiddos get older. My big break was when the oldest was capable of making breakfast for himself and the baby. Yes, it was cold cereal, but it meant I could get a shower in the morning without a hungry toddler crying in the bathroom.....

 

They actually do get to the age where they are mostly self-sufficient in terms of feeding and dressing themselves and you can really enjoy them.

 

ETA - I gave up housecleaning, too. We picked up once a day, but actually cleaning things fell to once a week.

[ChristusG]

I let outside activities go first. It's a pain to get everyone ready and out the door at a certain time multiple times a week.

[Ginevra]

One thing that is quick to go is dealing with OPP (Other People's Problems). Seriously - there are some people I stay far away from, because they just want to load me with their trivial garbage.

 

Baking stops. I have a lot of homemade breads and desserts that I enjoy making but at this time in my life, it just has to go. I can't focus four hours on checking the Cranberry Swirl Bread for rising. (Though I would really like to.) Dinners get more simple and dh pitches in a lot more, grilling stuff or (like tonight) making Stuffed Peppers.

 

One thing I know I'm not good at is realizing that other people can do things and can help. It's like it doesn't even enter my mind that someone else could pick a kid up from wherever, swing by Walmart and get a birthday present or whatever it is. I usually think I must do everything. A few nights ago, it struck me because I was rushing to get dinner ready, mindful that dd would need pickup from Volleyball soon. Then I actually said out loud, "Although (dh) could pick her up." It just doesn't occur to me. Overdeveloped sense of duty. :glare:

[Jen in PA]

When the dc were younger, school was the thing I let slide. Now, my sleep is the thing that goes first. Not ideal, but I can't afford to let school slide at this point in their educations, and I have personal issues that keep me from being able to sleep if I feel that the house is a mess.... so I get up earlier and go to bed later and take naps when I can.

[6packofun]

School is first, period. I tend to my marriage, too, of course, but dh and I are on the same page about homeschooling.

 

For the past year I have been working on Saturday mornings. It doesn't bring in a lot (about $165/month) and I just put in my 2 weeks notice because something has to give and I'd rather sacrifice a little bit of money for TIME. I need my Saturdays for school planning and church stuff. We're scraping by financially, but I am willing to continue scraping so that we can have this lifestyle.

[kathymuggle]

I let things slide in the following order:

 

1. housework. Dishes are a regular issues around here - so I move to paper plates, bake less, etc. I have also literally put away half the dishes - if they do not accumulate, I can keep on top of them easier!

 

2. Shopping. We actually like to buy food every few days, but if we get too busy, we make a list and buy once a week. It saves money, too.

 

3. Outside the house activities. I try to keep these to a sane amount. usually 2 max per child, and I will lump things together if possible.

 

4. Phone calls. Screen them and deal with them when you have the energy. let people know at the beginning of the call that you have to get off in 5 minutes.

[texasmama]

Although a messy house bothers me, I've not ever had regrets about letting housework slide in order to attend to other things when not enough time existed to "do it all".

[lauracolumbus]

1. cooking: I never liked to cook, so we have as simple meals as possible. Soup and salad. Subs and salad. On paper plates w/paper cups. They're biodegradeable and save on water (I tend to justify things).

 

2. a clean upstairs. I hate when ppl stop by my house and it's messy. So, when it's crunch time, I just clean in the areas that people will see. Sometimes it's only our front hallway.

 

3. Science, esp. messy labs. I'm picking it up this year, but I justified this by sticking to the nature studies in LCC. They'll get a lot in high school.

 

4. books on cds during breakfast. good literature while I get other chores done.

 

5. science/history dvds when I'm feeling the time crunch. I can educate all 3 at once, they prefer it, and they're still learning.

 

6. schooling during the summer. We don't school year round, but I continue w/certain subjects during the summer so I'm not feeling so much pressure during the school year.

 

7. double duty events, e.g., going with friends on educational field trips. The kids get to see their friends, learn things, and I get to hang out w/my friends.

 

8. share schooling w/another parent. a lot of subjects do better w/more than one kid. If you can teach a friend's kids one subject for a couple of hours, you can get a two hour break the following week.

 

I only have 3 kids, but we do a lot of outside activities so I'm always trying manage my time. And I'm not a scheduling kind of person, but I find when I do, I get so much more accomplished and my kids learn independence.

 

Laura

[Heatherwith4]

I can't stand clutter, so I have to try and take care of that. However, my house is rarely clean right now. I hate it, too, but there are just so many hours in the day, you know?

[Jane Elliot]

When I look at the future, I just feel :willy_nilly:.

 

 

 

Give this up first. I wish I hadn't spent so much time and lost so much sleep worrying. Don't think about the future too much when all your dc are 9 and under. Do your best everyday with the time and energy you have, pray a lot, and let God take care of the rest. He works it out. Really He does.

 

As Elisabeth Elliot says: Do the next thing. Do that repeatedly everyday, all day. But, sometimes it's hard to know what the next thing is. If there's a dirty diaper, that's the next thing. If everyone's hungry, that's the next thing.

 

After those two basic needs, reading lessons are the next thing. The best thing a Mom of a large family can do for her future is to get her kids reading well as early as possible. Reading is foundational to everything. (I am including phonics, spelling, vocabulary, reading comprehension, grammar, etc. at appropriate levels when I say "reading".) A child who cannot read well is totally dependent on you for almost all learning. If you get just reading done with the crew you have (i.e. all 9yo and under), you can call that a good day. (I'm going to get fried for saying this. I just know it. :tongue_smilie:)

 

That said, I give things up in this order:

 

1. Outside activities (including co-ops). Too much cost for too little benefit.

 

2. Housework.

 

3. Arts, crafts, science experiments.

 

4. History and science for everyone under 10 yo.

 

Things I don't give up:

 

1. My husband. (He's sitting here telling me to tell you not to give up your dh. He's so cute.:D)

 

2. Exercise.

 

3. Reading aloud to the kids.

 

4. Personal reading.

 

What I should give up, but don't:

 

1. This board. ;)

 

2. Dh is sitting here telling me to put: chocolate, coffee, etc. I will stop now before I incriminate myself.;)

[J'etudie]

Thanks, everyone, for all the ideas. I'm making lists. I'm pondering.

 

Actually, I'm going to sleep. I'll ponder tomorrow. :D

[claire up north]

When my kids were little, I found I couldn't do a lot! Most of my days were spent sitting on the floor, holding whichever little one needed me. I would spend HOURS there. My dh would come home, and, thank God, never criticized. He would cook if I hadn't cooked. He would hold babies, change diapers, give baths, or whatever.

 

That said, when my kids were younger I found I couldn't do all the school I thought I was supposed to do. We did almost no science. Almost no history. Science I did finally sneak in by devoting a few weeks to it (and only it) each summer. History I snuck in by checking out some juvenile-section historical books. You know the kind. Twelve pages, max. Ten words per page. Just the facts, ma'am.

 

I also gave up all hopes of music lessons, foreign language, and "enrichment activities."

 

When the kids were 11 and 9, I was able to start adding some of that stuff back in. They were absolutely no worse for the wear. My kids all do very well academically, will learn to play an instrument and fumble through another language and even develop some meaningful hobbies. If I had to do it all over again, I'd make the exact same decisions.

 

Hang in there! It DOES get easier!

[Beth in OH]

ETA - I gave up housecleaning, too. We picked up once a day, but actually cleaning things fell to once a week.

 

:lol: In my world, this would be amping up housecleaning! :lol:

[brendag]

1. TV - we don't even have cable anymore. If dh and I want to watch something, we use Netflix.

 

2. Everyday cooking - I do my own version of OAMC (once a month cooking). I split the recipes and cook for 2 half days a month instead of 1 full day. It has helped me significantly with having home cooked meals and saving time (during the week) and money.

 

3. My house is not as clean as what I would like, but that's ok. :001_smile:

 

Brenda

[Sahamamama]

I remember when my three little ones were babies, sitting down and thinking about that question. I knew caring for my little ones and giving them the attention they needed and schooling my older children were the two highest priorities for my life right then. I cut housework to an absolute minimum. We had very simple dinners. I let go of baking/cooking from scratch for a few years. Outside activities were limited to one day a week (other than baseball season!). It still took every bit of energy I had.

 

:iagree: This is what I've ended up doing -- prioritized nurture and essential schooling; minimized cleaning, cooking, and outside activities.

 

Thankfully, my dh saw my need and hired someone to come in and do the housework. It does get easier. They become more independent and, if you teach them to do it, helpful with the housework.

 

I'm still waiting for husband to notice and hire someone. :lol: But our true needs are simple, so I'm learning to keep it as simple as our true needs. Also, my three girls do help quite a bit with chores, young as they are. Teach and expect your children to help you run the household.

 

I also think it's easy to become obsessed with homeschooling. The younger our children, the harder we obsess. ;) They are little for such a short time, and we are their mothers more than their teachers (IMO). Relax, and they will still do well and learn. HTH.

Edited October 8, 2011 by Sahamamama

[jelbe5]

I had a very hard season of life after the birth of #3. My son had just been diagnosed with autism. I let go of the outside activities, even though I felt sad about that. It was only for a season; we do outside things now; but at that time it was the right decision.

[MSNative]

I'm still waiting for husband to notice and hire someone. :lol: But our true needs are simple, so I'm learning to keep it as simple as our true needs. Also, my three girls do help quite a bit with chores, young as they are. Teach and expect your children to help you run the household.

 

I also think it's easy to become obsessed with homeschooling. The younger our children, the harder we obsess. ;) They are little for such a short time, and we are their mothers more than their teachers (IMO). Relax, and they will still do well and learn. HTH.

 

My older boys (11 and 9) are in charge of the kitchen. They do the dishes, counters and floors 3 times a day. I read to them while they are doing it. That alone has freed up so much more time for me. They also clean the bathrooms. They don't do either of these tasks up to my standards yet, but it helps me out a ton.

 

I have chosen to let go of outside activities for me. I used to spend 10 hours a week volunteering. I have had to let that go now. I still donate to them and help out when I can.

 

We have started assigning weekend homework. I don't know why I had it in my head that my kids shouldn't have to work on the weekend. Now they do. Only a few hours, but it makes a big difference in our week.

 

Good luck and thanks for starting this thread. I am enjoying it.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

housework is usually the first-I mean if it's bad and has to be done and I can't get to it I'll get hubby to pitch in.....if he doesn't it can wait till I can get to it............

[Pretty in Pink]

Five years ago I gave up going to school because I was stretched too thin at that time. I was homeschooling my eldest with a toddler and a newborn to look after, we had just moved to a new state, and my dh was working 80+ hours per week. It was just too much. Nobody was pressuring me to homeschool and it was my decision to continue with it.

 

I did make it back to school two years later, when the time was right.

 

Day to day, if I'm feeling overwhelmed the housework is the first thing to go. It used to really bother me. It still sort of does. I grew up in a *spotless* home and my type A personality likes things...tidy. Ahem. It has taken me a long time to come to a place where I can accept less than perfection with regards to housework, but I still go on a weekly cleaning spree to get it all back in order.

 

ETA: Oh yeah, I gave up on cloth diapers and baking my own bread and all of that jazz a few years ago. I realized that those things are priorities for some people but they aren't my priorities. They just stressed me out.

Edited October 8, 2011 by Pretty in Pink

[LibraryLover]

Perfection. It only exists in Pottry Barn catalogues and Martha Stewart books, and even then it's an illusion. Good Enough is plenty.

 

Confession: I can't stand clutter, so that's probably the thing I tackle most often. It I don't need it, out it goes. I usually have a Goodwill bag in my car, and I sort and recylce the mail daily. I avert my eyes to the kids' rooms. I don't see any point in getting upset over their space or over things that matter to them. If my nose suspects nothing, I look the other way as I pass, or just close the doors.

Edited October 9, 2011 by LibraryLover

[tricia]

We have been homeschooling our 12 children from the beginning. So let me tell you that I have been there where you are. Our first 5 children came in 8 years. Over the years of birthing children, homeschooling and running our home there are 3 things I have found to be an absolute in 'getting it done.'

 

1. Decluttered house-living as simply and with as little as possible.

2. Staying home and NOT thinking I need to run children, or myself all over town.

3. NO TV

 

These 3 things are what I have found to keep me, and my children in order.

 

Good luck

[J'etudie]

We have been homeschooling our 12 children from the beginning. So let me tell you that I have been there where you are. Our first 5 children came in 8 years. Over the years of birthing children, homeschooling and running our home there are 3 things I have found to be an absolute in 'getting it done.'

 

1. Decluttered house-living as simply and with as little as possible.

2. Staying home and NOT thinking I need to run children, or myself all over town.

3. NO TV

 

These 3 things are what I have found to keep me, and my children in order.

 

Good luck

 

Well, I do those three things...so I think what you're saying is this is as sane as it gets. :lol:

 

Seriously, though, it helps just to know others have been in this place and survived.

[mom4him]

I've been reading several threads about moms feeling overwhelmed, etc., and most days I'm right there with them. My 5dc are ages 9 and under and I'm going from 5:30am to 9:30pm most days just trying to manage it all. Getting to my k'er this year has been harder than I expected, and that's only 30-45 minutes a day. When I look at the future, I just feel :willy_nilly:.

 

I know priorities must be chosen, sacrifices must be made. I'm just wondering if you reached a point where you had to let something go, what was it and why. Was it different things at different stages of life? Were you glad you chose to let "X" go or not?

 

I need ideas to ponder. I need to think about what can "give" around here now and in the future.

I have a heavy schedule also. I only have 2 and they are soon to be 11 and 12 so no littles. I do also do my oldest son's(43 yrs old) morning and evening care. He is in a wheel chair and works full time so it is about 2 hrs in the morning and 1 at night. My get up time is from 5:30 to about 10:30/11 at night.

I do cook EVERYthing from scratch but our meals are very simple, meat, veggie, salad, potatoe/rice. I bake something once a week or mix something to be baked once a week. Cookies I make a big batch, bake an oven full and then when the oven is one during the week I put in a batch of cookies. My kid are old enough that they 'get' to help with some of the housecleaning and that helps but my house looks nothing like it did before we adopted them. That is ok with me most days though as the time I spend teaching them is far more important than having a spotless house. I do a 4 day school week. That gives me 2 days to do laundry and get a bit of catch up in the house. I do also do school year around to allow for the 4 day week.

 

I heard someone say once that they had never heard someone on their death bed wish they had kept a neater house but many wished they had spent more time with their kids. Kind of puts it in perspective for me.:001_smile: