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Just a vent ignore if you want


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I just need to get this off my chest. My husband hasn't worked in 5 years. This leaves me to be the sole provider but I also can't leave him home alone so I am the self employed freelancer sole provider and teacher. I am behind on rent which means I need to write 25 articles a day for the next 10 days and pray they are approved by my client and payed by the 9th of September. I also need money for you know basics like food and printer paper so that is an extra one or two articles every day. I hate being jealous but I am so jealous of the women whose husbands have jobs even if they aren't great jobs. I would love for him to be able to work part time to lift a little of the responsibility off me. I know he is going to therapy and hoping to get to that point but that just started two weeks ago. I don't see anything changing anytime soon. Blah.....Ok done now. Thank you for letting me vent. Back to my normal self and back to work.

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I am so sorry. I try hard not to ever take my husband and his working and supporting our family for granted. I know he is our saving grace and I am so thankful for him. Thank you for the reminder tonight that I need to tell him as much!

 

My prayers are with you and your family. My your burden be lifted and your dh get the help he needs to begin working again. He is blessed to have you in his life!

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Thank you all for the kind words and prayers. It is tiring and overwhelming and it has gotten the best of me tonight. Sitting in front of my work screen crying. Never take your dh's ability to work for granted. I did in the beginning of our marriage and would honestly give anything to go back to that time and tell him how much I appreciated what he was doing.

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So after wallowing in my own self pity I have a plan. Going to do articles in batches of 5. We are still on a light schedule here because curriculum is still coming in (thank goodness for charters that allow me to pick curriculum) so we will stick with what we have been doing and only adding in history next week as promised but dh can help at least with the reading portion of that during the day. So if I am up at 6 am each day I can start my first set of 5 before everyone is awake. If I stay focused I can get 5 done in under 2 hours. Once those are done I will continue with the second set until the kids are awake. Break to get breakfast served and finish the second set. Spend an hour teaching before starting set 3. Break for lunch and to pick up new articles. By 2 pm start on set 4. Break to check over individual work and have ds correct any issues. Get dinner cooked and served and complete set 5 after. Complete 1 or 2 extra articles then go to bed. It will take a lot of work but I honestly think I can do it. Pray that I can get this done and off my chest so I can go back to a somewhat more relaxed work schedule so I can deal with everything else.

 

sorry about the wall of text

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He is getting ready to reapply. He had to get into therapy/with a doc to get an official diagnosis to a problem we have seen for a few years now. He is agoraphobic and cannot leave the house on his own. The two times he has left the house without me in the past 4 months his uncle was taking him to the therapist/docs office and stayed with him until it was time to come home. He will leave depending on his anxiety level IF I am with him and those trips are very short. For someone who loves alone time and quiet it gets unsettling. I am hoping that at his therapy appointment next week we can get an idea of what they need him to do for the disability application. He also has degenerative disc disease but was denied disability on that condition alone a couple years ago. His agoraphobia is bad enough that he should qualify which would at least help while he is attending therapy and working through this. His therapist did say that he may never get over it completely but her goal is for him to not get worse and bring his daily anxiety and depression levels down. We will see how this all goes. Maybe SS will agree with his therapist and doctors assessment and we can get back on our feet.

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I am so sorry. I try hard not to ever take my husband and his working and supporting our family for granted. I know he is our saving grace and I am so thankful for him. Thank you for the reminder tonight that I need to tell him as much!

 

My prayers are with you and your family. My your burden be lifted and your dh get the help he needs to begin working again. He is blessed to have you in his life!

 

:iagree: Well said.

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