Am I just cheap? (long)

[TN Mama]

Ok, so I realize I'm opening myself up for criticism with my title, but I'm having a struggle and it is too early to start phoning my irl friends to find out what they think. So, I'm coming to you for feedback.

 

Back story:

 

My dd5 has been taking dance (tap/ballet) for 2 years and our recital is this weekend. I have paid a monthly fee, recital fee, costume fees, etc. A few weeks ago we were given a list of things we need to have for the recital. Pink blush, red lipstick, specific black tights, specific pink tights, oh and if you don't already have a specific brand of ballet shoes, must purchase those too. I was ok with the makeup and the tights but the shoes? Fortunately, our hand-me-down shoes were the "right" brand so I didn't have to purchase another pair and quite frankly, if we didn't have the "right pair" I was going to have a chat with someone. At picture day we discover that the owner/teacher does not like the black tights she had us purchase with the costumes and has decided that we all need different tights. I just received an e-mail from the assistant at the dance school saying that we all owe $8 for the tights and in order to receive our arm bands for tonight's dress rehearsal we need to have our balances paid in full. I realize it is just $8, but I already purchased black tights that cannot be returned as they were opened to be worn at picture day. I've shelled out $100s of dollars already and if we were asked to purchase the $8 tights before going out to purchase the other tights, it wouldn't be a big deal. I guess I'm miffed that we are being told this is what we have to do, and if you don't pay you don't come to the show.

 

OK, vent officially over (for now). :)

[OnTheBrink]

And therein lies the reason my dd doesn't take dance! I'm cheap, too!

 

It think a lot of times things like this have gotten so that the focus is on how cute little Suzy can look for her Mommy and Daddy and has been taken off things like discipline, sportsmanship, and the dance itself. Irritating! Children can show their dance skills in Walmart tights, FCOL!

[Diane]

I'm with the above poster as well...this is why my little girl isn't in dance yet, and i'm hoping maybe she'll want to play the violin like her brother. I don't understand why parents are so burdened by all these costumes for recitals. They are dance recitals- show parents what they've learned...it's not a costume party. I would be fine with the monthly dues, and tights, leotards, etc...but the costumes are what irritate me. My friend paid 320.00 for her 5 year old's costumes for 3 numbers! I'm not cheap, I just like to spend my money wisely.

 

So...no, you aren't cheap...you are just spending money needlessly.

[Kim in Appalachia]

My oldest did dance for 2 years. I think she learned very little in the way of dance, but I sure spent a lot for the recitals.

 

I did ballet for almost 8 years (my poor folks!) yet I can not dance, I have poor rhythm and no "grace". :tongue_smilie:

 

The kids all swim now, which is expensive, but at least they can swim!

 

of course, the recital costumes make great play costumes.

[TN Mama]

I only have my dd in one class, I can't imagine how much parents who have their children in multiple classes are forking out for costumes. I think we paid $135 for two costumes. Last year dd used one of her dance outfits as her Halloween costume, so we're trying to get good use out of them. I realize we didn't pick the least expensive sport, but it is the only one she does. She is unsure if she wants to take again in the fall.

 

So, would you silently hand over the $8 or would you pay but say something about it? Curious...

[chiguirre]

Honestly, I'd complain to the owner. Both the dance schools we've attended have been very careful to provide a detailed list of required class and recital attire and then stick to it. You know going in what recital and costume fees will be, when they're due and there's no surprises. IMHO, that's the standard for a professionally run studio.

 

You have every right to be annoyed and every right to express that annoyance to the studio owner. I'd also start asking around about other schools in your area to find one that has a more professional administration.

[Sophia]

My dd's don't take ballet anymore because I just couldn't take that craziness anymore.

The final straw was when the dance instructor stopped a dress rehearsal to scold my now 9 y.o. (5 at the time) for wearing tights with a run. I had deliberately saved the new ones for the performance so they would not get a run and these were not cheap, imo.

Anyway, why talk to a 5 y.o. about it in front of everyone when obviously I am the one responsible for dressing her?

 

I'm sad for my youngest dd, because of all my girls, she is the one who seems to have a talent for dance, but from talking to other moms all the studios are pretty much the same around here.

[abbeyej]

That would frustrate and annoy me too. Are there other dance schools in your area? My kids both take ballet through a small RAD-affiliated classical ballet school. The school purposely keeps costumes simple and inexpensive -- the dancing is the focus, not the costumes. (For perspective, our costume fee is $35/class and I pay an additional $20 per child toward renting the recital facility, lights, sounds, etc...)

 

I think you should bring up your concerns with the school. Being capricious about the type of tights used and charging families an additional $8-20 here, there and everywhere is just unprofessional. Yes, dance (as with just about any sport or activity) can be expensive -- children grow, they need new shoes, and it's reasonable that the studio have standards for the tights, leotards, and shoes used -- but adding to that expense with sheer caprice is just ridiculous.

 

I would be annoyed too.

 

ETA: When I said "bring up your concerns with the school", I meant to specify *after* the recital. Before the next year begins.

[Laura R (FL)]

To be honest, here's what I would do: I would pay the money and get my dd the tights that they want her to wear. I would suggest to the owner that next year she make a list in advance of the preferred brand name of the tights and shoes, well before picture day so that parents aren't wasting money.

 

 

My dd has been dancing for about 9 years, and she is training in classical ballet at a pre-professional school affiliated with a company. They aren't as picky about brands as I have seen smaller studios can be. I think there is a realization that not all girls can wear the same brand. For instance, my dd cannot wear Capezio tights because they don't fit her proportions well, and will wear only Bodywrappers convertibles. She is also extremely picky about her slippers and again, not all brands are the same. Pointe shoes are a whole 'nother story! The school is very particular about brands of shoes, and when we have to buy $90 shoes, that gets the checkbook going!

 

Such is the nature of dance. It's not just about showing off to mommy and daddy. Dance is an art form, and the corps is supposed to look alike. If someone looks different, it distracts from the group as a whole. That doesn't mean that you have to use the most expensive stuff out there, but it should match closely enough not to be a distraction. Our school just specifies pink tights for recital, but different brands have a slightly different color to them, KWIM? It doesn't seem to make a difference for us. Plus, our costumes are only $80 per class, which is less than some stories I hear. Basically, she would only have two costumes (ballet and jazz/modern), but she did take a tap class and had three. I'm only mentioning that to show that different studios have different options. Ultimately, you have the choice to seek out another studio if their policies make you unhappy.

[Kanga]

The problem is not the 8.00, the problem is that the teacher has set herself up as a dictator! I would silently hand over the 8.00 for now, because from my experience anger with a parent who does not walk lock step is usually taken out on the poor child. However, after the recital I would write a letter explaining your frustration. I would also encourage your dd to explore other sports, especially if she is not sure she wants to continue.

[Laura R (FL)]

I would silently hand over the 8.00 for now, because from my experience anger with a parent who does not walk lock step is usually taken out on the poor child.

 

:iagree:

 

Also, recital time is soooo stressful for teachers and studio owners. There is definitely the chance that someone could take it out on a child, even if only on a subconscious level. That's why I would wait until next year to say something, when everyone is more receptive.

[Kelli in TN]

I would go along with the requirement for this year and then spend the summer looking for a new dance studio. Look high and low!

 

Our perfect "studio" started out in someone's living room and eventually became part of an afterschool program at a private school.

 

This year my daughter had 2 costume changes for recital and my total recital fees for costumes and everything came to $15.00. Plus my contribution to the yearly teacher gift (everyone gives what they can, no set amount) and an extra $50 in hairspray.:tongue_smilie: Gotta keep that bun up somehow, ya know!

 

There are teachers out there who focus on teaching the fundamentals of dance with strong discipline, and yet are sympathetic to the budget constraints of families.

 

 

Now I feel sad. My daughter is quitting ballet and I am relieved. But I am going to miss that teacher and I am going to miss the ballet moms. The more I read about other people's dance experiences, the more grateful I am for our Mrs. Mary.

[starlashine]

I am with the posters that say such behavior is unprofessional. That would be my problem with it. I would research other dance schools, or other activities your daughter would enjoy, and then write a letter when you remove your child from the program, explaining why you are going to another dance school/activity and why. I have fond memories of the dance program associated with the recreation and parks council when I was growing up, maybe there is a similar program in your area? They could not have been that expensive, my parents did not have a lot of money for outside activities, and the instructors were all very knowledgeable and nice.

[GailV]

That would frustrate and annoy me too. Are there other dance schools in your area? My kids both take ballet through a small RAD-affiliated classical ballet school. The school purposely keeps costumes simple and inexpensive -- the dancing is the focus, not the costumes. (For perspective, our costume fee is $35/class and I pay an additional $20 per child toward renting the recital facility, lights, sounds, etc...)

 

 

Dd used to take through an independent school that had the same philosophy. It offered ballet, tap, and jazz. The head of the school said she thought it was awful how much was spent on recitals. She okayed whatever shoes FIT and were appropriate to the dance, regardless of the color (tap shoes in particular seemed to run the gamut). The recital outfit for tap and jazz was a babydoll T-shirt with the school logo, along with black jazz pants (capri or full length -- whatever the student had). Ballet student wore a leotard, and one of the moms who worked in costuming sewed simple skirts.

 

This was in a small town. Schools like that are out there.

 

Now we are in Irish Dance, and you don't want to know what it costs. The shoes (always 2 pair -- soft and hard), the wigs, the dresses, even the socks. Our TC tries to keep costs down -- encourages re-selling used items, has given us wigs and shoes as loaners. But a lot of the expense a function of the weirdness of the Irish Dance world, which the TC doesn't have that much control over.

[mcconnellboys]

Well, I think I'd finish out this show, but perhaps look for another studio. Or at least have a stern talk with someone about getting their act together. Wasting money and resources and time is never a good thing....

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

How long have these people been giving recitals? It sounds like inexperience to me.

 

Like a pp said, most of this is so the group can look cohesive. On the shoes, we have some moms of young kids at our studio try to send girls in the bedroom slipper type shoes, not real ballet shoes, and that may be the reason for the specific shoe suggestion. Does this studio have a boutique also where they sell shoes and dancewear? If so, I bet this particular brand of shoe is the one they carry.

 

If such a thing had happened at our studio, the director would have done all she could to make things right. But, our director has been doing this for 30 years, and probably would have tired the actual costume on one child before requiring all the parents to buy a specific color hose. Actually, at our studio, most of the girls wear suntan hose at recital, which goes with just about any costume.

 

There is another studio in our town that makes the parents spend all kinds of extra $$$ and even take special parent classes on silly things like how to do a bun. The quality of dance over there is not as good as at our studio IMO, where the studio tries to save us money on the extras so our kids can take an extra class or twenty.

[Laura R (FL)]

Off topic, but I love your "I'm almost SWB title". When I first saw it, I thought...well, that's sort putting yourself on a pedestal...then I saw your # of posts and laughed!!! :lol:

[abbeyej]

I definitely agree with others who point out the importance of uniformity among the corps de ballet -- and yes, some parents of very small dancers try to send them in those "slippers" that Target sells that aren't real ballet shoes... But there's a difference between wanting all the girls (and boys, lol) to look uniform and well-groomed and have a simple and appropriate costume -- and focusing significantly more time and energy on expensive costumes and last-minute changes of mind...

 

Yes, there will be times when it's important to have the right kind of shoes or even the right kind of tights, etc. And schools do have to spend money on costumes...

 

But what the OP described is excessive.

[TraceyS/FL]

And therein lies the reason my dd doesn't take dance! I'm cheap, too!

 

Same here. My youngest would probably LOVE IT and excell - but i'm not interested in support the remodel of the theater downtown and buying a crystal chandelier for the lobby.... and 3 year olds don't need $50+ shoes that you can ONLY buy from them.

 

SO, she will not be doing that unless i can find a class like i had the middle one in for awhile. Low key, no stress, and all about fun.....

 

I'd be irked too.......

[Geo]

Yeah, done all that before...more than once. Still, that's cheaper than some of my friends spend on gymnastics. If their kids are really good, they get on "team". That means traveling expenses, hotels and entry fees for competitions. One friend confided that "meet season" alone ran her $10,000. That does not include the $400 a month fee for basic instruction. After 4 years of that, her daughter quit. Rediculous. Let that be a lesson to all of us.

 

best intentions,

Geo

[Brigitte]

You are perfectly justified in being upset. We are not talking about girls in the preprofessional program, we are talking about 5 y.o. girls. Our ballet school (recital was today) only requires pink tights, black leotard, pink ballet slippers, black skirt. We paid a $25 recital fee for the theater and $7 for the teacher to make silk flower garlands to go around their waist and silk flowers for their hair. The little kids just don't need more than that.

 

For your school to decide at the last minute that the shade of pink that they had everyone buy was not quite right and that everyone needed to buy another pair of tights is totally outrageous.

 

Since I see you are in East TN and we are moving to SW Va......is this school in Bristol? I need to find a ballet school, but think I might avoid that one (unless this is an unusual event).

[mom2abcd]

I'm cheap, too, and this would make me frustrted. What I would do is buy the $8 tights and dump on dh. What I should do is express my concerns with the teacher. It might save someone in the future from this headache. However, I'm very non-confrontational and I choose my battles. This would not be worth confrontation to me unless it came up easily in a conversation with the teacher.

 

But I would sure be keeping my eyes and ears open for a less "status quo" teacher.

 

Unfortunately, I see this sort of thing "all the time" in America today. Gotta have everything "just right" no matter what the cost.

 

And most everyone else has more money than we do:o(

[Storm Bay]

It IS aggravating! This is why I like the dance studio dd has now, because when they're little, they wear the same tights to the rehearsal that are required for those classes, same with the shoes. You have all year to get the right shoes if you already have some the wrong brand/colour. If you need new tights because the others are dirty or stained, you can wear them the following year to class. The costumes are good quality, washable, and cost the same as at other studios (it's standard practice for studios to mark up so that all the kids pay the same at the same sizes and it's how they make some of their money). Also, our studio doesn't sell the tights themselves, and you can buy the correct tights and shoes anywhere you like. Plus, all the recital stuff you need is listed several months in advance if it's any different (that comes as they get older and you're warned ahead in the information they give you).

 

otoh, I've been in other studios where it wasn't always this easy. However, it's hard to find a studio where everyone's happy all the time.

[Only me]

Yes, that would bother me too. I'm not sure what you can do about it now though. If you decide to have dd in another recital I would be sure upfront what you will need and use this year as an example.

 

We're pretty upset here because a few days ago I brought home my dd's beautiful ballet costumes. She is almost 16 and has been taking ballet since she was 3 or 4. She was going to be in the recital in June but in February she decided that she needed a break (at the time she was going through a lot of medical tests, physical therapy and doctor's appointments in addition to having a ton of schoolwork). We had already paid for the costumes and recital fee and it was too late to get our money back. Now we have two beautiful costumes (they are the most detailed that she has ever had) and now they will just sit in her closet. It is such a waste because they cost so much.

 

It's fun for the kids to get all dressed up and I'll admit that these costumes are beautiful but I wish they would just concentrate more on the dancing.

[*anj*]

And therein lies the reason my dd doesn't take dance! I'm cheap, too!

 

It think a lot of times things like this have gotten so that the focus is on how cute little Suzy can look for her Mommy and Daddy and has been taken off things like discipline, sportsmanship, and the dance itself. Irritating! Children can show their dance skills in Walmart tights, FCOL!

 

Amen! And this is the reason that our girls stopped taking dance at a studio. It seemed that everything they were learning was in preparation for the recital, and then we had to pay for all kinds of extras, which greatly increased the cost per child. I just wanted my girls to learn the basics of dance and to have fun doing it. Yikes!

[Melanie]

It's really a shame that this is an issue for so many. We've definitely been feeling the pinch at our daughter's studio but it's because of all the extra lessons and classes she wants to take, not because the studio is bleeding us dry with trivial costume changes.

[Parrothead]

Oh, recital is a dirty word in our house right now. I'm looking at a new studio because of recital this year. A few other concerns, but recital was the straw that broke the camel.

 

As for the tights, I'd have a talk with the director. She may not know it is a problem. If no one complains this time she will think nothing of doing it again.

[Storm Bay]

And therein lies the reason my dd doesn't take dance! I'm cheap, too!

 

Children can show their dance skills in Walmart tights, FCOL!

 

This is correct. However, we spent more money on tights per year when we bought the cheap tights! This is because the type required by our school are very hard to run or put holes in (although it's been done). So, while I just about choked the first time I spent $8 on tights (but good ones), they lasted an entire year. I used to go through 3-4 pair per year of the others because my dd's would trash them so easily.

[ChristyB in AL]

Honestly, I'd complain to the owner. Both the dance schools we've attended have been very careful to provide a detailed list of required class and recital attire and then stick to it. You know going in what recital and costume fees will be, when they're due and there's no surprises. IMHO, that's the standard for a professionally run studio.

 

You have every right to be annoyed and every right to express that annoyance to the studio owner. I'd also start asking around about other schools in your area to find one that has a more professional administration.

 

 

Yep, what she said.