At what age did your night time battles end?

[lionfamily1999]

I said never, but please understand, my 14yo and 10yo don't scream and cry. They whine. They have things they still want to do. They have to get water. They can't sleep (no need to lie down before that one problem is identified).

[ChristusG]

I thought that DD7 would NEVER go to sleep without crying. Seriously, it lasted for years. She's a night owl, the energizer bunny, and just doesn't need as much sleep at night. But I need my "me time"! She used to cry and scream. Just within the last few months has she started going to bed more easily. However, she does talk, talk, talk as I'm heading out the door and will get angry if I walk out the door in the middle of what she's saying (but if I didn't, she'd have me standing there talking forever). Her bedtime is still very frustrating to me.

[Aubrey]

I have one who never put up a fuss & 3 who did. One didn't get better until about 3--not that he was *always* fine then, but generally.

 

For the other 2--2 & 4yo--I'd say the 4yo is fine & has been for about a year. She still cries & complains about bed sometimes--maybe as much as 1/2 the time--but it doesn't *last.* 5 min maybe, & not all of that crying & none of that screaming.

 

2yo still throws himself in the floor & screams, but then we tell him to take a deep breath & use his words. He does. He says he doesn't want to go to bed. We say we understand, etc, but he has to go, etc, & sometimes he then cries some more. Still, less than 5 min.

 

He does, however, have trouble staying in bed & going to sleep. We've got all 4 in one room, & right now they're all on mattresses on the floor, so he loves to jump on everybody, etc. Sun he made a pallet for himself in the living room & we decided to let him stay--he was asleep in 5 min. (He hadn't had a nap, so he was tired.) But my point is the staying up playing could be partly circumstantial--it's hard to go to sleep, I guess, when every night is like a slumber party. :lol:

[calandalsmom]

We do not fight about bedtime here. its just not an issue. When the kids were small we always laid or layed... hmmmm....down with them when they were ready (and often we fell asleep too). Now we all go to bed around 10. if they aren't tired they can read or listen to iPod. Its just never ever been at all an issue.

[sassenach]

My oldest slept with us till she was just shy of 3. She never threw tantrums, she just didn't want to sleep by herself. Getting her back in her room was a 1 week process. I can't blame her, we moved a lot when she was young and I think it was just the instability. The last 2 co-slept as babies, and then transitioned into their own beds before they were 1. No bedtime battles with them. Ds11 still sleeps in our room, in his own bed, for medical/safety reasons, but he's a good sleeper. He slept through the night earlier than the rest.

[swellmomma]

It depended on the kid. DD3 has never given me trouble. Currently she goes to bed with a few books, or the portable dvd player. After 10-15 minutes she puts them down and announces she is going to sleep and she does(I am usually 1 room over on the computer, or cleaning or reading etc). THe oldest 2 were my hardest, I had to use melatonin for year just to get them tired at all, they used to be up until 1-2am and would not stay in bed. We haven't not used Melatonin in nearly 18 months and both now go to bed without arguement when told. They usually read for 10-15 minutes before I announce lights out, but if I have let them stay up later they know not to even ask for reading time. DS7 was somewhere between those ends. He had a hard time falling asleep but would stay in his bed. I used the Melatonin with him too until nearly 18 months ago and now I say bedtime, he gets into bed and is fast asleep within minutes of his head hitting the pillow.

 

So that would put their ages at 10-11 for the oldest 2, 6 for the 3rd and birth for the last

 

ETA: I co-slept with DS12 until he was 3, dd12 until 8 weeks, and ds7 until 3, dd3 still co-sleeps. For us it never made a difference if they were in my bed or their own, they either went to bed and stayed or they didn't kwim.

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

Oldest dd learned to go to sleep by herself a little before age 2. No fuss from her. There have been more troubles with my middle two. They are more intense and once we had them sleeping the correct number of hours they have been fine. Neither of them take naps, and they both need to sleep 6:30pm to 6:30am to feel rested, more when they are sick. Most of the problems were related to sleepiness and some other problem, like them getting in trouble and missing a bedtime story, and being very upset about it, rather than actually being upset about going to bed. Toddler ds is still learning to fall asleep by himself, but he doesn't put up a fuss about going upstairs to sleep. In fact, he's happy to say good night and go upstairs, knowing that he'll be going to bed. He just still needs some help with the process.

[KungFuPanda]

NANNY 911 is on Netflix streaming now. My 10-year-old son likes to watch it. Go figure. Anyway, it seems like half of any given show is dedicated to bedtime battles. The nanny tells the parents how to get the kids to bed, the parents never believe it will work on their children, the parents eventually try it, and the kids eventually go to sleep.

 

I figure if it works on the crazed maniac families they find for the show it should work for anyone. Might be worth watching.

 

KFP

[Princess Peach]

I voted before age 2. I was going to vote never, but I couldn't say that unequivocally. I remember oldest ds pulling some stuff when we switched him from the crib to the toddler bed.

 

Anyway, my kids have always been very good about bedtime. Although, we do allow them to have their lights on and they can read or play quietly before they fall asleep. I'm not tired at the same time every night and I don't expect my kids to fall asleep on cue, either. This has worked very well for us.

[Sputterduck]

Our only big problems were with our first & we just needed to establish more of a routine & limits. After all the getting ready for bed, dinner, play, bath, etc we let her watch one episode of blue's clues, then put her to "sleep". I remember being very frustrated at the time but she got it, after a few nights...that we'd watch blue's clues then go to sleep. Then a year later when we didn't need blues clues anymore, she kept getting back up so we tried the magic words, "after we say these magic words, we won't say any more until the morning....(and the magic words were...) "good night". That seemed to work too when we needed something.

 

This post just reminded me that we had a kid's bible song video that we played at the same time every night just before bed when my son was very little. We would lay him down on the couch and turn all the lights off. I think it really helped to have a solid 10 minute trigger every night, with the lights off, to get his body into the proper sleep mode.

 

Also, his bedtime was exactly the same every night for years. Very important.

[ChandlerMom]

Ah, see that may be part of our problem. We're an AP co-sleeping family but only co-sleep until a new baby is born. Then the next in line must be in their own bed (it's a nicer transition that just bringing home baby and kicking older child out) and I think my problematic duo were not really ready to move out yet. For me it was a safety and space issue. I worried too much about a NB in a bed with a sibling and I need a bit of personal space every now and then. :tongue_smilie:

 

I feel your pain and beyond the early months needed a little space, so what we did with our first was move the baby into her own bed (Q sized), but in our room (actually, pushed a K and Q bed together on the floor which was exactly the width of our room). Dh and I were on the K and she was on the Q and I ferried in between for feeding, wakings. Then just shy of 2yo we moved her into her own room (when I was 8mo pg with her sis). Then repeated the process with her sis, moved her sister BACK for nighttime PT -- made it soooo easy since I would wake up when she was lightly asleep and could usher her to the PT). Same trick with our 3rd, except had ds on the Q bed on the other side of the room (different house). When we moved into our new house (he was just shy of 2yo), he wanted to sleep in his sisters' room (and they him), and there they all are. :D

 

Maybe you can remediate the older one -- what if you set up a bed or mat on the floor in your bedroom and he could come in *quietly* and sleep on it if he needed? I guess I'd try to figure out what the issue is and work from there. If it is just reluctance, have him get ready for bed 30min before bedtime and play a special game downstairs afterwards, so the quicker he gets ready, the more playtime he gets?

 

GOod luck!

[SonshineLearner]

Mine listens to cds for probably an hr, even if he goes to bed at 10:30. He just can't settle; I think it may be because by then he's watched tv, etc, but my husband has a totally different philosophy on life... and bedtime, and since he reads every night for a 1/2 hr or more... I can't complain. Just different! I'm more like the 8pm, you're in bed, type. He waits... late... every night... but with no rhythm. Sometimes it's 8 and he wants to go to bed, sometimes 10...or 11... and he doesn't get the "schedule" thing. This coming year, he has to get better; we're meeting friends or co-op by 9am most school days. Hope it works!!

[FriedClams]

:iagree: Especially with the bolded. I nearly voted 'never', but I couldn't due to the last word: 'Ever'. Both of our children tried, VERY briefly, to start stirring things up before, or after, they were in bed before they were 2 years. It simply was not tolerated, as Sputterduck said. My husband and I guarded *our* time (night) FIERCELY!

 

:iagree:

[AHASRADA]

I've never had any issue with my dc crying or throwing a fit over bedtime. However, I always either read to them or stayed beside them until they slept, or they cuddled with me in bed and I transferred them to their own beds once they were asleep.

 

Many parents would insists dc need to learn to go to bed on their own, and it was a bit frustrating when they were little, since I would often fall asleep in their bed and have a hard time waking up, leaving dh and I no alone time in the evening.

 

However, it was easier than making a battle of it, and as they got a bit older, I truly enjoyed snuggling in our big king sized bed, reading stories and watching movies until they slept.

 

Growing up, my mom would often lie down and chat with me before I slept, even in high school, and I really cherished those moments. Mom and Dad get to share a bed, so why do dc have to sleep in a dark, empty room all alone?

 

Once they hit about age 10, they realized when they were getting sleepy and wandered off to their own beds after story time in my room. That's also about the point that we could tell them to go to bed and they would just go, if it was too late to do a read-aloud, etc.

 

I always said they won't want to cuddle with mom and dad forever, so indulge them and enjoy it while it lasts. Dc mostly go to bed on their own now, but sometimes still want to have quiet time in mom and dad's room for a while first. It has been a great, natural progression.

 

Just my $0.02.

[Pixjen]

With my DD all I had to do was sing a few songs and pat her on the back for 15-20 mins and she was out for the night. With my DS? Not so much. :(

 

He is 7yo, and going to bed is a struggle ever. single. freaking. night. He doesn't throw tantrums, he just comes down the hallway every 3-5 minutes no matter what.

 

I co-slept with him until he was 5yrs, and finally moved him out into his own bed in a desperate attempt to hold on to my sanity. This child can NOT be alone in a room by himself. And he talks to me non-stop, 24 hrs a day....even in his sleep! Every night he ends up crawling into bed with us.

 

DS doesn't fall asleep early or easily. We've tried everything...soothing music, reading in bed, Supper Nanny techniques...ad infinitum. My DH goes to sleep early, around 10p, and I'm usually up to 12p. Mostly because I'm so desperate for ALONE TIME that I'll forgo sleep to get it. DS usually doesn't fall asleep until 11p, even when he is desperately tired. Hubby and I rarely ever have time alone together. :banghead:

 

My goal is to have peace and quite for DH and I around 9p most night. I've gotten to the point that as long as he is IN BED, DS can have his light on, play in his room, listen to books on tape, etc. as long as he's not coming down the hallway. Usually by the time he finally falls asleep, my DD is demanding attention. (She's 21 and still living at home while going to college. The only time I ever see her is in the middle of the night. If I don't talk to her then, I'll never know what's going on. *sigh*)

[6packofun]

I guess it depends on the subjective terms here. lol I assume that anyone choosing the option that they've never had issues at bedtime are referring to anything from throwing a fit about going to bed, to simply getting up (on purpose) to do something to delay going to sleep. One is obnoxious, one is more subtle. ;)

 

Is it an issue if kids express their desire to stay up respectfully each night or if we have a child who just doesn't get tired as early as the other kids did at that age?

 

I dunno. I don't think any of our kids have given us a *battle* over bedtime, but there are grey areas in there. lol

 

Our just turned 5yo was scared to go to bed in our new house until recently--his bedroom is upstairs and for the first time in his life dh and I are downstairs. Is it a battle? *shrug* We're pretty adaptable here so I don't know...

[Pretty in Pink]

We've never had bedtime issues with an of our boys. They've always turned in promptly at 8 p.m. The only exception is those first few nights when one graduates from the crib to a bed that does not physically contain them -- of course, they get up a few times the first few nights they are in there, but it's never required any more than scooting them back to bed a few times before they got over it. We have never co-slept.

[tricia]

Does it ever end? Or is it because I have so many children it seems it won't!

[melissad2]

Does it ever end? Or is it because I have so many children it seems it won't!

 

:iagree: except I only have 2 kiddos!

[Ginevra]

I didn't realize I could click multiple answers, so I just answered about my...err, most challenging child. The "hard" child was 4 before things were a non-issue most nights. the other two were no big deal before they were 1 year old. I chalk it mostly up to personality and probably using the wrong approach for that child. Give him and inch, he'll take a mile. :glare: I hope all that tenacity comes in handy some day.

[Ginevra]

Not all folks snuggle -down with, or read children to sleep, but that is exactly what we did. Maybe it took 30 minutes? Maybe 60 on the worst nights? Is there something better we could have been doing?

Most parenting books and articles advise against meeting this need, and I got no creds (beyond 4 emotionally healthy children who sleep through the night and are not axe murderers) to tell that advice bites. ;) I am the one who didn't follow the rules. My kids are all fine sleepers and don't need us now. They haven't needed night company since they were 5? 6? Seems like a fine investment to me.

 

If there is a down side, I don't know it.

 

Interesting. There was a down side for me, with the aforementioned "hard" child. He took advantage of it. I couldn't figure out if he had an autism spectrum disorder, truly had some "need" that I should spend an hour on or was just pulling my leg.

 

He was pretty much pulling my leg. :glare:

 

He was incredibly rigid and had an ever-expanding set of "requirments" for bedtime. The fan has to be on. I have to have this particular set of stuffed animals. We have to read for this long. You have to lay here for this long. The music has to be on repeat. The nightlight has to be on. And onandonandon. I can relate to the OP because I did not know what to do. I felt like an idiot for going through these dozens of rituals, but I was also afraid I was going to be damaging him if I just cut all the bull and said, "It's bedtime." Ultimately, that's pretty close to what I ended up doing. I started removing all the "needs" until we got down to something reasonable. (Read a story, nightlight on, music on, hug, kiss, see you in the morning.)

 

He will still try about once a month or so to rope me in to the drama again. It's not a "battle," but he will come out and say something like, "I'm not sleepy," or "I just want you to lay in here for a little while." I don't capitulate to those requests anymore, though they seem so innocent at the time. I'm pretty curt with him. "I'm sorry you're not sleepy. Stare at the ceiling and you'll fall asleep eventually." Or, "Your doggy can lay with you. I'm staying in my own bed." These things never turn into drama anymore, but I think they would if I went softy about it.

 

If I had another baby, I would aim from the beginning to keep going-to-sleep-time as simple as it can possibly be.

[AFwife Claire]

Hmmm . . . we've never had any problems with any of ours, and we are most definitely NOT co-sleepers. Our babies are in a pack-n-play in our room until they stop waking up to nurse in the middle of the night (usually by 8 weeks), and then sometime in the next few weeks they transition to their own crib (and whoever has been in that crib moves into another room with other siblings). I do not sleep well at. all. with little bodies in my bed, so everyone sleeps in their own place, whenever we tell them it's time. But we have a lot of expectations about their behavior in other areas, so maybe the kids just don't think it is worth it to battle the sleeping thing? I don't really know. And by this time we have so many kids, that the younger ones just do what the older ones are doing, LOL. Positive peer pressure!

[T'smom]

Hmmm . . . we've never had any problems with any of ours, and we are most definitely NOT co-sleepers. Our babies are in a pack-n-play in our room until they stop waking up to nurse in the middle of the night (usually by 8 weeks), and then sometime in the next few weeks they transition to their own crib (and whoever has been in that crib moves into another room with other siblings). I do not sleep well at. all. with little bodies in my bed, so everyone sleeps in their own place, whenever we tell them it's time. But we have a lot of expectations about their behavior in other areas, so maybe the kids just don't think it is worth it to battle the sleeping thing? I don't really know. And by this time we have so many kids, that the younger ones just do what the older ones are doing, LOL. Positive peer pressure!

 

Your babies stop nursing in the middle of the night by 8 WEEKS?!?!? I have a dd turning 1 next week and she's still up at least twice a night to nurse!!!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Your babies stop nursing in the middle of the night by 8 WEEKS?!?!? I have a dd turning 1 next week and she's still up at least twice a night to nurse!!!

 

My perfectly healthy babies did not nurse that often for that long. Both of them stopped nursing in the middle of the night by 8 weeks but did have their last feeding fairly late before I went to bed and then fairly early in the morning. But of course that doesn't mean that your experience is wrong either.

[Lightly Salted]

well, we don't have bedtime drama ...

 

we coslept until they were ready to move on to their own rooms. At times, that meant sleeping with two little ones in the bed, but since both were nursing, it was all good. It especially helped in the transition of our international move.

 

DD chose her own room/bed at age 4. DS was closer to 6, but he's such a heavy sleeper we could move him once asleep with no problem. Now at ages 7 and 9, we have a great bedtime routine. If anyone gets scared, they can come to our bed for comfort. DD prefers to sleep alone, DS likes to snuggle either before bed or just upon waking. She's early to bed while he's a night owl. She falls asleep immediately; he likes to read a book or two before bed. It works well; he gets a lot of reading in during the evenings, when during the day he's often too busy to read.

 

We parented both the same but they're different kids with different needs, which is ok. No drama.

[justamouse]

I've had some that never complained at all, and I've had some that were total drama queens. But, for the poll I voted 3 since you're on the needing help aspect.

 

What happened? Well, I had three infants and I couldn't take the time to coddle anyone. It wasn't that I didn't want to, it's that I physically couldn't. Baths, dressed, teeth for four small kids (and I had the two olders, too) -I'm not an octopus.

 

the ages were 1, 2 at 2, and 5. (caboose hadn't come along yet)

 

The 5 was always good, the twins HATED sleeping together and they loved to sleep so they weren't the problem, it was the one year old. I let him cry. Not hour long sobbing. Much more like Nanny Jo does it. Set up a routine, put the bugger in bed, give copious kisses, tuck them in, say prayers and lights out. Remain strong. If they start to cry, after a time you go back in, pat a back, tuck them in and leave again. After a few nights they get the fact that they cannot manipulate you anymore and they stop.

 

From then on they've all been sound sleepers and the obedience problems went way down.

 

We didn't co sleep. With all those kids I was touched out at night and I needed time with Dh and to myself. I would have been a mental wreck had I given them any more of me.

Edited July 28, 2011 by justamouse