Alenee Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 WOW...just, WOW! I think, by the time my sister has actually walked down the aisle, I will have spent close to $5,000. :blink: :eek: :blink: Between my dress, the girls' dresses and shoes and hair doo-dads, my hair and make-up, the trip itself, bridal shower food and travel expenses, hotels, bachelorette party, ackkkkk! OHMYGOODNESS!!! My wedding and my mom's weddings cost less than that, COMBINED! Why is there such an expectation of grandeur??? It's going to be beautiful and a lot of fun. But....WOW. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Just say no? Our family doesn't have that kind of money. We would only be participating in the actual event, and then only if we had at least a year to save to afford it. If we had less time than that, or if it weren't close by, I would probably be the only one in my immediate family to attend. If they want grandeur, they can have it. They can also expect to pay for it; it wouldn't be coming out of my family's meager budget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Carli, I understand! :grouphug: :grouphug: The part that irritates me the most? Spending for the shoes! If it is a long dress, wear black shoes or if it summer, white shoes.* Any ones that are comfy and all that. I mean, unless you have identical triplet, quadruplet etc. attendants, the women will not be carbon copies of each other anyways, even in the same outfit. The whole concept of matchy matchy is :confused: to me. Esp. for the feet! *But I wore red strappy sandals with my ivory gown, in a nod to the Chinese marriage color. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiveOaksAcademy Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 WOW...just, WOW! I think, by the time my sister has actually walked down the aisle, I will have spent close to $5,000. :blink: :eek: :blink: Between my dress, the girls' dresses and shoes and hair doo-dads, my hair and make-up, the trip itself, bridal shower food and travel expenses, hotels, bachelorette party, ackkkkk! OHMYGOODNESS!!! My wedding and my mom's weddings cost less than that, COMBINED! Why is there such an expectation of grandeur??? It's going to be beautiful and a lot of fun. But....WOW. I would have to find a way to respectfully decline. Dh would put his foot down, for one thing. I just went to a wedding recently that was $5,000 for the entire thing! You probably need to tell her what you are willing to spend and then let her know that if it goes over that you will either not be there or she will have to pay for the rest. Easier said than done, I know. There just needs to be respect for the actual people IN the wedding!! If she wants it that grand, then she likely needs to make the purchases herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 My wedding was $5,000 total including a buffet lunch. Do what you can, if you can't do it all, speak up. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Carli, I understand! :grouphug: :grouphug: The part that irritates me the most? Spending for the shoes! If it is a long dress, wear black shoes or if it summer, white shoes.* Any ones that are comfy and all that. I mean, unless you have identical triplet, quadruplet etc. attendants, the women will not be carbon copies of each other anyways, even in the same outfit. The whole concept of matchy matchy is :confused: to me. Esp. for the feet! *But I wore red strappy sandals with my ivory gown, in a nod to the Chinese marriage color. Fancy flipflops and simple black ballet slippers (not actual ballet slippers, but the actual slippers that are "ballet" style) have become popular the past ten years. I remember the first time I saw flipflops in a wedding (even the bride!). I also remember shopping for the slippers with other bridesmaids. I nearly passed out in the three in heals I was wearing for the wedding and was glad to put those on afterwards (and wished I had just worn them from the start...you really don't want to pass out at in the middle of your friends' wedding). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Other than my own, I haven't been in a wedding since my college days. We were all poor and it was a small Southwestern town, so I remember saving for the dresses, but it wasn't bad. In that town, the "thing" was to take the bride out for Chinese food for the bachelorette party, so even that was affordable. Even for our wedding in a major city, we paid for the tux and bridesmaid dress rentals because most of our wedding party was struggling financially and we knew that the whole thing was a stretch for them. They were responsible for white shoes and undergarments ;). I said no to a bachelorette party. DH's friends had one for him, but it was at a friend's house and they all brought snacks to share and gave him silly gifts. Our wedding was quite a bit more expensive than the college ones that I had been in, but we just didn't want to burden people more than necessary. That just wasn't our style. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 This beats many other stories. It's going to be fun! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Fancy flipflops and simple black ballet slippers (not actual ballet slippers, but the actual slippers that are "ballet" style) have become popular the past ten years. I wore actual ballet slippers (in March in NY.) They were $15, and mom insisted I buy a spare in case it snowed and they got wet walking from the church to the car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 My wedding was $5,000 total including a buffet lunch. Mine was even less. And I still have assorted distant neices come up to me at family gatherings and ask, "Aren't you the one who got married on top of a mountain in bike shorts?" They ask questions about how I did it, and how all the relatives felt about it. Many have planned their own low-budget, fun wedding in their own quirky style. To people who spend more than they can afford on a wedding, and expect their brides maids to do the same- I always want to tell them- It's about the MARRIAGE, not the wedding! Disclaimer- I have no problem with a fancy wedding and all the trappings if the family and bridesmaids can afford it. I know a young lady who is going all-out right now- had one of her bachelorette parties in Las Vegas. She paid the way for one of her bridesmaids that wouldn't have been able to go otherwise, she's very concious of other people's budgets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zamis Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 yes, weddings can be sooo expensive..hope you have fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I have to attend three family weddings this year . . . August, October and November. Each trip is 1500 km's away. Not going is not optional (well everything is optional I guess but we're a very close family and the bonus is I get to see my 83 year old mom each time). When the first nephew announced his wedding we were so happy and excited. When number two announced his i was a little worried about making two big trips back to back. When the third niece announced her wedding in August I actually cried. The good thing is we have family to stay with so no hotels and mostly home cooked meals. But we're not going crazy on wedding gifts. Oh and because these weddings aren't going to be ultra-formal I am choosing clothing that can multi-task . . . The other challenge is I have to drive all these trips on my own (with my kids). My dh has work right now so he isn't able to join us. All to say, I feel your pain when it comes to wedding expenses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alenee Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 Okay, to be fair, a large part of that expense is travelling back home for the wedding. We live 700 miles away but we've saved for the trip and all the extras that we want to do with the girls. Another good portion of that has been spent in chunks so it's been doable; not easy, but doable. What hit me last night though was the bachelorette party. Here's the line-up for the night: 6-8:30pm dinner in SFO (cha ching!) 8:30pm-2:00am, hopping bars in SFO while being driven around by a limo on a bachelorette scavenger hunt (cha cha ching!!) Every bar I've ever been to in SFO charges anywhere from $12-$20 cover charge that doesn't include the drinks. The limo is about $100/hr and only 7 women have rsvp'd. Including a driver tip, that's over $100/person. 2:00am---wake-up, hotel in SFO (CHA CHA CHA CHING!!!) Add all that up and I'm going to be broke. :glare: This is the one thing I'm probably going to escape. I'm not a big drinker and I don't have a good $300 just for one night of "fun". I was looking at the list of people who've rsvp'd and I don't think they can really afford it either. I may make a comment about this. We'll see. I still can't get over how ridiculous it is though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alenee Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 Oh, and the shoes, Nono, will be cheap I think. I hope. Black, sandal-like, low heel. I can wear them with other things. I need to find them still. Ohhh, and the dress! I have to have it altered. Shoooot! Ughh. More and more expenses!!!!! AHHHHHHH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Okay, to be fair, a large part of that expense is travelling back home for the wedding. We live 700 miles away but we've saved for the trip and all the extras that we want to do with the girls. Another good portion of that has been spent in chunks so it's been doable; not easy, but doable. My sister's wedding was around $3000 for us. Like you, a large chunk was for travel. Fortunately, we had about a year's notice, and some things were spread out. Like my dress. She did the bridesmaids dresses in a way I really liked. She basically said "any shade of pink, other than "hot" pink", and floor length. So all the dresses were different but they were all floor length. Made is so you could spend what you wanted, or not, if you already had a pink bridesmaid dress from another wedding, as some of her friends did. She's my sister so there was no way we weren't going to be there. And although it's not popular on this board, I'd have used the cc and paid it off over a year if I had to; thankfully, that wasn't necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Yikes! I'm not sure I could spend that much on a wedding that wasn't even my own! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I was looking at the list of people who've rsvp'd and I don't think they can really afford it either. I may make a comment about this. We'll see. I would. Something like "I'm concerned that not everyone is going to be able to come to this. I know it would be fun, but I'm thinking it would be more fun if we could include more people. Would it be possible to brainstorm something similar that would come in a little cheaper? Maybe we could get a friend of the groom to drive us around? Or maybe stay in one bar for most of the evening? I want us to have a good time, but I don't want to exclude anyone. They are all paying for other parts of the wedding too; this might be the part they have to say no to..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I would. Something like "I'm concerned that not everyone is going to be able to come to this. I know it would be fun, but I'm thinking it would be more fun if we could include more people. Would it be possible to brainstorm something similar that would come in a little cheaper? Maybe we could get a friend of the groom to drive us around? Or maybe stay in one bar for most of the evening? I want us to have a good time, but I don't want to exclude anyone. They are all paying for other parts of the wedding too; this might be the part they have to say no to..." Totally agree. Things are tight for most people right now. Friends might "find the money" somewhere so they aren't left out, but quietly resent it. I think it's a little selfish to assume everyone can do such an extravagant evening in your honor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I started declining to be in bridal parties about 10 years ago. They are so expensive and honestly, I don't enjoy it. The last one I was in, the attire was paid for in full, by my niece-the bride, otherwise I wouldn't have done that one either. She did flip flops and ballet slippers for the little girls. I can't stand flip-flops so I wore regular heals but no one knew because the gowns were floor length. One thing my niece did (she paid for the wedding party dresses herself) was to ask everyone to leave the dresses and she sold them herself after the wedding. LOL It was family and everyone was happy to have her do it. They were beautiful gold colored, floor length dresses that were obviously bridal party. NO ONE would be wearing them again. She has six or seven adult attendants and many, many flower girls/ring bearers. Because she had so many in various sizes, I don't think she had trouble selling them. If each of us tried to sell them individually, it may have been hard to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoPlaceLikeHome Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) My wedding was $5,000 total including a buffet lunch. Do what you can, if you can't do it all, speak up. :grouphug: :iagree: My wedding was about that much as well. I find large, expensive weddings with all of the trappings that many desire in our country distasteful, wasteful, foolish, and unnecessary. I also think it goes against many spiritual/religious beliefs IMHO. Oh and I would have spent even less if it were not for my mother insisting on several things for the caterer at our house. Edited July 26, 2011 by priscilla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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