How? **just a vent**

[happypamama]

I was just looking into WIC last week. I was on it 10+yr ago when DD was a baby, but haven't since. I talked to DH about it this weekend and I think we're going to give it a shot. Only 2 of my kids qualify, but it would be better than nothing I think.

 

I was going to suggest WIC as well. Two of your kids qualifying for it will mean quite a bit of food. Around here, it would be well over $100 of food every month, including some money that can be used for produce (and farmer's market checks in the summer). Please do look into it.

 

Also, I'd go ahead and fill out the application for food stamps. In my state, they take a deduction off of your income, so you have to show them proof of your total income, but then they don't count the entire income. Fill out the paperwork, and let them do the figuring and tell you if you don't qualify.

 

I also vote for food pantry assistance. It's really hard being un/underemployed -- that's what food pantries and such are for, to give the extra help. Also, there is a local coffee shop around here that donates its leftover bread products to people who need it -- maybe there are places around you that do similar? As well, you might talk to local farmers to see if they offer any kind of gleaning; we have friends who just did that at the end of their crop's season -- they invited anyone who wanted to come and pick, for free (if you could donate a small amount, great, and they sent it to a local mission, rather than keep it for themselves, but there was no obligation to give anything if you couldn't afford it; it was a gift ministry for them).

 

I'm sorry you're in such a situation. Does it help to know that you're not alone? We are in similar, and it's hard. My DH works so hard and is gone so many hours, and we're still struggling and trying to make ends meet. :grouphug:

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Thank you for such wonderful and thoughtful responses. Too many to respond to individually, but a few thoughts.

 

1. I think staying in our home is probably our best bet, because we have had our payments reduced by $350 or so. We couldn't rent a 3 bedroom apartment for what we pay and we certainly couldn't buy a house for less.

 

2. I think I know which church I will be contacting, but I do feel so embarrassed and humbled. Not a fun thing to be doing.

 

3. As far as working power, I feel like we're about at our max, mostly due to time. I have to be with the kids pretty much 24/7 with DH gone so much. This new job SHOULD pull in $500-$1000/month if I can make sure to commit the 10-20hr/week to it. That would make a DRASTIC difference in our monthly income. I won't see those kind of numbers until at least September though, as we're paid monthly and my Aug check will only be for the last week and a half of June (when I was hired).

 

4. It ABSOLUTELY helps to know we're not the only ones. We're trying so hard.....

[Mommy22alyns]

I'm sorry. I completely understand. :grouphug:

[Truscifi]

Thank you for such wonderful and thoughtful responses. Too many to respond to individually, but a few thoughts.

 

1. I think staying in our home is probably our best bet, because we have had our payments reduced by $350 or so. We couldn't rent a 3 bedroom apartment for what we pay and we certainly couldn't buy a house for less.

 

2. I think I know which church I will be contacting, but I do feel so embarrassed and humbled. Not a fun thing to be doing.

 

3. As far as working power, I feel like we're about at our max, mostly due to time. I have to be with the kids pretty much 24/7 with DH gone so much. This new job SHOULD pull in $500-$1000/month if I can make sure to commit the 10-20hr/week to it. That would make a DRASTIC difference in our monthly income. I won't see those kind of numbers until at least September though, as we're paid monthly and my Aug check will only be for the last week and a half of June (when I was hired).

 

4. It ABSOLUTELY helps to know we're not the only ones. We're trying so hard.....

 

:grouphug: Been there. I went from donating to the food pantry to getting food there. It was hard. We are now in a position where we can buy groceries and still pay our bills, but I hope to get back to being able to donate to help others someday.

[justamouse]

I don't even know how to go about finding a food bank around here. I know we have them because I've made donations in the past, but.....I don't really know where they are. I'd feel more comfortable going to one at a church though.

 

Call the local churches. We have a few within an area and many times people use all of them. We give Thanksgiving baskets with ALL of the traditional food you'd want, Christmas baskets, and we give Christmas presents.

 

Don't be embarrassed, that's what they're there for. And, everyone I work with in the ministry LOVES to be able to help and serve. There's no judgment. :grouphug:

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Call the local churches. We have a few within an area and many times people use all of them. We give Thanksgiving baskets with ALL of the traditional food you'd want, Christmas baskets, and we give Christmas presents.

 

Don't be embarrassed, that's what they're there for. And, everyone I work with in the ministry LOVES to be able to help and serve. There's no judgment. :grouphug:

 

I've contacted the big mega-church close to my house. I know of a few others in the area that would likely have things to help. Depending on the response I get from church #1, I will try others if need be.

 

Thanks for the encouragement.

[FO4UR]

:grouphug: I understand, all too well.

[Amy in NH]

A friend just got rid of cable, road runner and was able to get out of part of her cell agreement. She has $200something more a month. I don't know if those are the table for you, but she's started a savings account with it.

 

We don't have cable, road runner, or cell phones, and we are in the same place OP is. It feels like the new "normal", like it will never end. So depressing.

 

You know when you're just starting out in your 20s, you know things will get better in the future. Our parents started out this way, and by working hard we will be in a better position someday. By your 30s you start to think you should see returns soon. Now, in your 40s, you lose hope and start to believe things will never change. We will never experience the financial security our parents have attained. And it's not because we don't work hard and live frugally.

[Shelly in IL]

You have inspired me to donate a big batch of groceries to my local food pantry.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

You have inspired me to donate a big batch of groceries to my local food pantry.

 

Glad at least some good can come out of my situation!!

[Shelly in IL]

Local St. Vincent dePaul society, and there are so many cheerful givers there, givers of time as well as treasure. Please don't feel badly about going, i know it is humbling, but it also gives those of us who help an opportunity to gift you with service. You are helping us to demonstrate our love for our fellow community members. I wish you lived nearby!

 

Please don't take this as demeaning, I am hoping to be encouraging and not condescending. Title also should say that our family distributeS not distributed - we do this regularly as a family.

Edited July 25, 2011 by Shelly in IL
Clarity

[Sukale]

With the new school year almost beginning could you watch a child after school for a couple of hours? If you had siblings you could easily make $150 a week for just a few hours after school. You could help with homework and advertise yourself as a homeschool mom.

[justamouse]

We don't have cable, road runner, or cell phones, and we are in the same place OP is. It feels like the new "normal", like it will never end. So depressing.

 

You know when you're just starting out in your 20s, you know things will get better in the future. Our parents started out this way, and by working hard we will be in a better position someday. By your 30s you start to think you should see returns soon. Now, in your 40s, you lose hope and start to believe things will never change. We will never experience the financial security our parents have attained. And it's not because we don't work hard and live frugally.

 

It's not you. Really. It's not.

 

I was watching CNN yesterday on the housing crisis and our parents had it a lot better than we do. So you can't use what they achieved as a measuring stick. We seem to have the cards stacked against us. The inflation of food and housing against incomes is such that our parents wouldn't have been able to do it, either.

 

You can't see your inability to get ahead as a lack of wanting to/work, inability to save, or any of that. It's just not the same.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

With the new school year almost beginning could you watch a child after school for a couple of hours? If you had siblings you could easily make $150 a week for just a few hours after school. You could help with homework and advertise yourself as a homeschool mom.

 

I used to do in-home daycare. With my children's schedules and the public school schedule (every other Wednesday is a 1/2 day) I couldn't commit to it. Snow days and inservice days I couldn't do - again due to schedules (gymnastics, dance, and softball). I tried to do before and after school care when I was doing daycare, but because I couldn't commit to the off days, I never got any kids.

 

ETA: In case people are wondering - family and friends are helping with the kids extras :)

[*lifeoftheparty*]

.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Thank you! It's nice to know that there are others like me utilizing these resources. I have contacted a local church (via email because I was more comfortable that way) and hopefully the will have contact info for some of the lesser known resources in our area!

[k2bdeutmeyer]

When would I expect to hear from this church? Maybe email wasn't the best way....?!? sigh

[rocketgirl]

I know, I mean I have felt those feelings just this week.... like we're making a major move to a smaller house (ours is small already - 4 kids sharing 2 rooms) because our rent will be less, etc etc; but then my husband's job is suddenly changing too, less income but a better change for his soul... so we'll make this major change to save money and possibly still 'just get by', but this is what he needs right now.....and I know it'll be better for our family in ways we can't imagine right now. Hang in there.....it is hard...I try to make a big deal of free stuff, like going to the park together

[Natalieclare]

Several churches in my rural/suburban area are offering free meals to the community. At least 3 nights of the week are covered by the various churches. I think they started out hoping to reach homeless folks, but many others started coming, too--there is a good mix of all kinds of people showing up. Times are tough for everyone.

 

Often, there is enough leftover food (both cooked and still packaged) to really give a boost to many people. There have been times when the freezers at the churches were all full and my dad wanted to fill up mine as well!

 

We have gone to the meals a couple of times, since the church where my dad cooks is only a mile or two down the road. My kids think it's like going to a restaurant. They have a blast and I don't have to clean up. ;) I wonder if anyone is doing something similar in your area?

[Lily_Grace]

:grouphug:

 

We've been there. I used AngelFood ministries (not the best food, but it was food!) and nearly wore out the library copies of the Tightwad Gazette. We ate some pretty creative meals made up of the loss leaders at the discount grocery store! Powdered milk became a staple in our house - not to drink (we drank only water or tea) but for cooking and baking.

 

 

I hope things get better soon.

[Joyofsixreboot]

We've been there so long I don't know how else to live. (((Hugs)))

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Thanks everyone!

[Desert Rat]

I completely understand. Dh was laid off for 16 months and it was terrible. We are starting back at square one. We did learn a lot of valuable lessons in that time, most of which we've managed to hang on to now that he's working again.

I would also recommend food pantries. I work for one and there is no real criteria other than need. At ours, you can visit 3 times in one year and get 9 meals for each family member. (Be prepared: many pantries have requirements so just in case, bring SSN cards for everyone, your driver's license, and a utility bill to prove residency). This may not seem like a lot of food but if there are several in your area, they can definitely help.

The type of food my pantry gives out: frozen hamburger, pasta and sauce, rice and beans, canned fruit, cereal or pancake mix/syrup, tuna, canned vegetables, shelf stable milk. We also sometimes have diapers and baby food, but not on a regular basis. Sometimes, people won't go to pantries because they think they will get yucky food that has been cast off. So, I thought you'd like to know what you could expect to get.

Times are hard. I'm sad you have been hit so hard. Sometimes it felt like I'd just buckle under the strain. But, we made it through and we continue to survive. I helped during this time (and still do) by cleaning houses. Is this maybe something you can do? It takes me 3-4 hours to clean a house and I clean 3 a week. Just an idea. PM me if you'd like more details.

[dtsmamtj]

We've been there so long I don't know how else to live. (((Hugs)))

 

 

:iagree::grouphug:

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Good information Kalah, thank you!

 

ETA: We too have gone through 2, roughly year long, unemployment periods in the last 4 years. It's what started our downward spiral, but with food stamps and our reduced mortgage we were probably better off when DH wasn't working than we are now that he is. Pretty sad to tell the truth!

[Jzsnow]

Have you actually applied for food stamps or just gone through the online calculators? I know then the calculator said we didn't qualify, but we actually did!

 

We have wic in Alabama, and this is what we get for each kid:

1. fresh fruit of veggies not to exceed $6

2. (2) 16oz wheat bread or brown rice

3. 4 gallons of milk

4. 2 jugs of juice

5. 2 peanut butters

6. 36oz cereal

7. dozen eggs.

 

So, if you had 2 kids on it, you would get a decent amount of food!! My kids are tired of the wic cereal, but its free and ever bit helps!!

 

My husband has a masters degree and makes $14 am hour. We, all 6 of us, live in a single wide trailer because we only paid $15k for it a few years ago. We don't have a mortgage or any debt, but still are struggling! I know that God always provides, he just might not do it on our preferances :)

 

Praying for you!! :grouphug:

 

jessica

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Well, we got kicked off food stamps when DH got his job a year ago and nothing has changed, so I'm sure we don't qualify. I've looked at the gross and net maximum income amounts. My understanding is that you have to meet the gross amount first, and if you pass that, then they start taking deductions and you have to meet the net amount. We don't meet the gross, so....we are stopped right there :(

 

I so wish we could qualify. I tried convincing DH to have another baby so we would (family of 6 instead of 5), lol! Totally kidding, but....

[heartosunshine]

Our local food bank reports that MOST families utilizing their services have at least (sometimes more than) 1 full-time employed adult in the family. We donate when we can. It could have been our family; it may be our family in the future. These are very uncertain times and few can say with certainty that it won't happen to them.

 

You are not alone. :grouphug:

[SailorMom]

:grouphug:

 

You're absolutely not alone. Almost everyone I know is really struggling.

 

I just wanted to add, about talking to the church and getting help:

 

Someday - you and your DH will be in a position to help others. This may not be until the kids are grown and gone - but time isn't important. When you are able, you'll remember this, and you'll have the opportunity to pay it all back. Someday - your help will be what is keeping another family from going under. So - don't feel bad, guilty, embarrassed. Just remember this in about 15 years :)

[TXMomof4]

I just wanted to add - if you aren't getting a response to email, call them. We went to a largish church and the number of emails they got was absolutely astounding. It's very hard for them to sort through the real needs to be able to serve anyone. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed, just know they (at least the people I knew) were much more able to help a person quickly if they could just have a conversation with them. Shoot - give me phone numbers and I'll call for you!

[k2bdeutmeyer]

I haven't gotten an email response....me and my shy/non confrontational self will have to muster up all my courage to make a phone call I guess. Sigh.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Okay, for real. I have sat here all afternoon and found every excuse in the book to not make this phone call. Pathetic. Why can't they just respond to my email?? (said in a pleading manner out of desperation, not frustration)

[melissel]

Okay, for real. I have sat here all afternoon and found every excuse in the book to not make this phone call. Pathetic. Why can't they just respond to my email?? (said in a pleading manner out of desperation, not frustration)

 

:grouphug: I totally hear you. I hate to make calls in the best of situations. It would be even harder to make myself do it for something like this.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Who said they'd enable me and do it for me? :D

[ktgrok]

We don't. Even without my income. DH makes $12 over the gross limit and with child support, we're too far over. Sigh.

 

I keep checking, hoping that somehow we'll magically qualify. That the numbers will have changed or that I missed something.

 

When I applied for WIC they didn't include the child support I get for my son. I asked, and she said they don't ask about that, so don't offer the information. They really wanted to help however they could. Go to the office to apply, you may be suprised.

[leeannpal]

It's not you. Really. It's not.

 

I was watching CNN yesterday on the housing crisis and our parents had it a lot better than we do. So you can't use what they achieved as a measuring stick. We seem to have the cards stacked against us. The inflation of food and housing against incomes is such that our parents wouldn't have been able to do it, either.

 

You can't see your inability to get ahead as a lack of wanting to/work, inability to save, or any of that. It's just not the same.

 

I so agree. Dh and I are in our 40's, and earlier in my adult life, I just assumed we would be better off than we are now by our forties. We have a house to sell and rising medical bills. Oh, and my salary was cut 4% last year. I do think it is the new norm to be struggling, and not because of a lack of willingness to work and cut costs.

Edited July 28, 2011 by leeannpal