Do these feelings ever go away?

[keyjoh62080]

I just finished my first year of homeschool and I am still often times wondering if I am doing the right thing by homeschooling my kids, dd7 & ds5 and a 2yr oold. I have heard so many stories of homeschooling gone wrong and the children struggling if having to enter back into PS.

 

People ask me how long I plan to homeschool and I can only say that I am going to just take it one year at a time. Honestly, I couldn't imagine ever putting them back in PS (if up to me). I feel like I would be horrified if I had to do that and I'm not sure why. Maybe because i'll feel like a total failure.

 

I am just getting tired of the self-doubt. Does it ever end or do you deal with this throughout the whole time your homeschooling?

 

I know part of it is because I feel like we wasted our first year. Most of it was us just adjusting to being home. It was a big adjustment for my dd7 but she is doing great now. The other part was trying SO many curriculums that were just SO wrong and not really finding what worked for us until the end of the year almost. Although, I am excited about this coming school year and I pray that way I have works for us.

 

When I start to feel these crazy emotions I just remind myself of how PROUD I am of teaching my ds5 to read. Who would've ever thought. My daughter although still a little behind in math, she enjoys it now because it is starting to click since Mommy took the time to find what works for her. Every time I see her smile when she gets her math problems right or when my son picks up a book to read to me or Daddy I am just so filled with joy....and then here comes doubt creeping back in.

 

Sorry this is so long!

[MamaSheep]

We just finished our 5th year with ds and 2nd year with dd. Dd will be going back to school in the fall for complicated reasons that have nothing to do with failure on my part, it's just that we think it will be a better fit for her (now that her reading and math skills have been somewhat remediated by being at home where we could really focus, and finding an appropriate medical intervention to help with a problem she was having).

 

I would say that I go through ups and downs. Sometimes I am absolutely convinced that homeschooling was THE right decision for our family. Other days I feel like I have probably doomed our children and ruined their lives. Fortunately the "good" days outweigh the "bad" ones.

 

Knowing me, I suspect I'll be having occasional self-doubts when my kids are 50. But I also know if I hadn't tried it, I would have always wondered "what if" I had. I think it's good to make a list of your reasons for homeschooling so that when you have those days you can sit down and remind yourself.

[Boxing Hare]

I would say that I go through ups and downs. Sometimes I am absolutely convinced that homeschooling was THE right decision for our family. Other days I feel like I have probably doomed our children and ruined their lives. Fortunately the "good" days outweigh the "bad" ones.

 

Knowing me, I suspect I'll be having occasional self-doubts when my kids are 50. But I also know if I hadn't tried it, I would have always wondered "what if" I had. I think it's good to make a list of your reasons for homeschooling so that when you have those days you can sit down and remind yourself.

 

:iagree:

[tammyw]

I 100% believe that homeschooling is the only way for us, and yet I go through my periods of self doubt - mostly "am I good enough to teach them? will they learn what they need to learn?". These feelings are more strong on days when I miss a 2nd grade math problem (see my other post on Challenging Word Problems for Singapore 2, hehe).

 

It's very normal to doubt yourself sometimes, I think. The important thing is knowing what is truly right for your family, and continuing to follow on the path, knowing that it all works out, somehow.

 

I do think it is probably easier for Type A personalities to doubt themselves and worry they are missing something (me). We are a bit eclectic in that we do a little of everything, but we do follow some curriculum.

[Sahamamama]

Mine are only 6.5 and 4.5 (twins), and I go through this from time to time. Am I teaching them enough? Am I teaching them too much? Do they have enough play time? Do they have enough school work? Will they grow up to resent that we "did this" to them? Will they grow up to be thankful they were taught from home? Am I able to teach them ____________ concept (fill in the blank with the doubt of the day)?

 

And if you knew me in person, you would never think that I lack confidence. ;) I don't wear my doubts "out there" for the world to see, but I come here and find -- whatever else our differences may be -- that homeschoolers seem to have these questions as their common ground. I think we all (with a few exceptions?) go round and round with the questioning. Maybe that is a good thing? If we don't let it paralyze us. HTH.

[5LittleMonkeys]

We just started our new year a few weeks ago. Toward the end of our last year I had a lot of the same feelings you are talking about. I did a lot of thinking over our break and came to the realization that I was going to use that doubt to my advantage. The doubts that I'm going to have (becuase I know they will creep in despite my best intentions) are going to be my reminder to always strive to do the absolute best I can for my dc. To push on, to continue educating myself, to always make the most of each day and to remember that as hard as I work to educate my dc I couldn't possibly be ruining them. Even if they graduate with gaps in their knowledge they aren't "ruined".

 

Also, if its any consolation, we didn't make much progress our first year either regarding academics but we grew so much closer as a family. I wouldn't go back and change a thing!

[giftof6]

The short answer...no, I don't think so.

BUT...

1) Your kids are still very young. Even if you didn't have the best year ever, you've got plenty of time to recover.

2) It takes everyone awhile to find their groove. If you've accomplished that in your first year, you're 6 years ahead of me. Congrats.;)

3) You've gotten your daughter straightened out in math (presumably something the PS couldn't accomplish) and taught your son to read. That's great! You should be proud!! :D

4) Remember the PS could never tailor the education to your child's needs. They would be tailoring (sp?) your child to their needs.

 

Keep your chin up. It's a long, hard road--for all of us! But this is a place where you can find help, advice and share a good vent once in awhile. Keep on truckin'...you'll get there. :)

[Critterfixer]

I believe that some fear comes from trying to "keep up" with where you think your kids "should be if they were in REAL school." I struggled with that some this year. This is my second year of homeschooling my boys, ds7, one with hFA. I've not had to deal with anyone questioning our choice however. I've not had reason to question my choice yet.

 

These are my first and only children. I'd love to have seen both of them reading at five. Didn't turn out that way. They both read, but my special needs child took much, much longer than I estimated. It's hard to get hold of the person inside me that wants to push him up to where he "should be" instead of actually holding him at one place until he is confident before moving on. There is the urge to keep moving to "get done" that has to be dealt with, sometimes daily!

 

But what I have found is that if I take the time to build a strong foundation, whether it is in reading or math, or history, art, anything; I see the building coming together and standing firm. When one feels behind it's hard to remember that.

 

Another place where it is easy to fall prey to self-doubt is when a child struggles with material that "should" be easy. Sometimes it is easier to blame the curriculum, and then to blame yourself; and sometimes one or both could be at fault. But sometimes, wrestling with a new approach, or a new rule is part of learning. It's also an opportunity for a teacher to pinpoint where the problem in the understanding is happening. It helps you learn to be a better teacher. I'm finding out all sorts of things that I somehow missed in elementary school! I try to make sure that I pass some of that excitement on when I'm teaching.

[redsquirrel]

Cheer up, little buckaroo! :001_smile: It is going to be fine. It takes a while to get your groove on but you will.

 

Heck, even SWB admits, in one of her lectures, that she has those moments. She goes to her mom and asks if she is doing 'enough' and is doing a good job.

 

She is, of course, and you are too!

[Karen in CO]

When my ds got his first acceptance letter for college, I let out a huge breath that I had been holding since I pulled him out of school. I felt myself relax. I hadn't even known that I had been so anxious. Somewhere in the back of my head, I had this terrible fear that I had ruined his life.

 

I still have annual doubts when it is time to register for our district "choice" programs. I wonder if the girls would be better off in "real" school. i look at the super expensive private school that is amazing and wonder if I am depriving them of something terrific (ignoring the fact that there is no way I could afford it).

 

Most of the time I am very confidant of my decision, but even after many years there is still some of that worry. Setting goals every year helps. Taking time after the year is over to reflect on what we have accomplished and then honestly evaluate if I met my goals is important for me. It helps me to be less critical of myself.

 

It sounds like you're doing a great job.

[TwoToSchool]

I'm struggling with this as well. I really, truly loved the school my kids attended. I loved their teachers and actually cried the day I last picked them up, knowing they'd never be going back. However, the curriculum was just so far behind. My kids have just not learned much...and even with stellar grades, my kids (I've discovered) are really really not up to par on very basic skills. To be honest, this discovery has been a slap in the face. I feel terrible it's gone on this long (to 4th grade with my oldest)I know that, with as much spent on gas, driving them to and from school, and with a new baby on the way...their public school just wasn't in the cards for next year. I really hope everything works out and I can' continue HSing past this next year, but only time will tell.

[....]

I think those feelings go away (and then come back and then go away again).

 

I watch what the public schools are covering and that's usually comforting. :tongue_smilie:

 

Last year, I gave my daughter the TAKS (you can get the previous year online) and she only missed a couple of questions...:glare: Seriously...our reading is pretty informal in our homeschool. If you only knew...:lol:

 

You know those "What Your Whatever Grader Needs to Know" books? I buy those for every grade level and we work thru those on the side during the year. If your student can do the math and language arts stuff in there, I think you're probably on the right track. I sometimes find stuff in the math section that Singapore (that's the math we use) doesn't cover.

 

In reality, we'll never be able to teach them every single thing they need to know.

[keyjoh62080]

 

In reality, we'll never be able to teach them every single thing they need to know.

 

This was good!! Thanks!! Just what I needed to read this morning :001_smile:

[NanceXToo]

When I first pulled my daughter out of public school toward the end of her third grade year I worried about it some but I really haven't much in the more than two years since.

 

1. I can see that my kids are learnIng, happy and thriving.

 

2. My daughter has scored right where she should (and better than average) on standardized testing.

 

3. My local school districts are below state average pretty much across the board on THEIR standardized testing.

 

4. My evaluator, who has been evaluating for many years and who has evaluated for us at the end of the past three school years in a row (and who also runs a small private school) always makes very favorable comments about our portfolios.

 

5. I've read plenty of homeschooler success stories.

 

6. I've heard, seen, and experienced how horrid public schools can be.

 

7. Public schools care about nothing but standardized testing and therefore no longer provide a well rounded education.

 

8. I have a vested interest in my kids, care about what happens to them, give them individual attention and allow them to be individuals.

 

9. My family is together, and we are having fun.

 

Try to relax. Try to think positive. Try to read positive things about it. You aren't screwing your kids up (public school would do a much better job than that).

[plansrme]

I never have those thoughts, and I am going to suggest that those of us whose children were in "real" school first are less likely to have those doubts.

 

I gather from the ages of your children that they probably did not attend first or any other grade at a regular school. If they had, you would have seen what is behind the curtain. There is good and bad behind the curtain, but it wouldn't have been a mystery to you. In my own case, I have had zero doubts since I realized how unintelligent the ladies running the school were. Like that old song says, "Anything you can do, I can do better." Plus, I don't care what they say, no one cares more about your child's education than you do. Teachers and school administrators will tell you all day long that they care passionately about your child's education, it is their first priority. That is never true. Their first priority is their school. Your first priority is your child, and if you are willing to put in the time and effort, that trumps any amount of experience those teachers and administrators can bring to the table.

 

Putting down my broad (but accurate) brush now,

Terri

[keyjoh62080]

 

I gather from the ages of your children that they probably did not attend first or any other grade at a regular school. If they had, you would have seen what is behind the curtain.

Terri

 

Hi, my ds5 went to the pre-k program :glare: and my dd7 did attend K & 1st grade. Last year was our first year at home doing K & 2nd grade.

 

I did see all the behind the scenes stuff and that was what helped me make the decision to pull them out. I felt so awful once I got my son home and I realized how much he 'didn't' know after spending a whole year in the pre-k program (all the running to and from and the other nonsense that came along with it). I was sending him off to school and that was it because it was all I knew to do. Once we started homeschooling I realized that he didn't know all of his letters nor all of the sounds...I know...shame on me :confused: It was an awful thing. I was able to work with him one on one and get him up to speed rather quickly. He is doing great and his reading fluency is getting better by the day :D

 

The whole sight reading thing with my daughter is a whole different story. I quickly realized that we needed to work on phonics and she is doing so much better at not 'guessing' at words or even worse 'skipping over them'. I had no idea she was doing this :confused:. Sorry, I know that was a rabbit trail.

 

All that to say yes, they did attend public school and that is why I have these feelings. I guess?

 

I know I am doing the right thing. I just wish my brain would agree with me :D

[Crimson Wife]

I always tell new HS that the first year is the hardest and it reallly *DOES* get easier.

 

My own personal self-doubts are not about my kids being "behind" what they'd be in a traditional PS. I can see from the homework assignments I witness other kids doing at the library or in waiting rooms that they aren't in any area I consider important. My self-doubts are more about whether I'm going to be able from where they are now to where I want them to be by the time they start high school. I have this vision in my head and struggle with the getting from point A to point B part.

[robsiew]

I just finished my first year of homeschool and I am still often times wondering if I am doing the right thing by homeschooling my kids, dd7 & ds5 and a 2yr oold. I have heard so many stories of homeschooling gone wrong and the children struggling if having to enter back into PS.

 

People ask me how long I plan to homeschool and I can only say that I am going to just take it one year at a time. Honestly, I couldn't imagine ever putting them back in PS (if up to me). I feel like I would be horrified if I had to do that and I'm not sure why. Maybe because i'll feel like a total failure.

 

I am just getting tired of the self-doubt. Does it ever end or do you deal with this throughout the whole time your homeschooling?

 

I know part of it is because I feel like we wasted our first year. Most of it was us just adjusting to being home. It was a big adjustment for my dd7 but she is doing great now. The other part was trying SO many curriculums that were just SO wrong and not really finding what worked for us until the end of the year almost. Although, I am excited about this coming school year and I pray that way I have works for us.

 

When I start to feel these crazy emotions I just remind myself of how PROUD I am of teaching my ds5 to read. Who would've ever thought. My daughter although still a little behind in math, she enjoys it now because it is starting to click since Mommy took the time to find what works for her. Every time I see her smile when she gets her math problems right or when my son picks up a book to read to me or Daddy I am just so filled with joy....and then here comes doubt creeping back in.

 

Sorry this is so long!

 

It will go away, or mostly! Every year so far (we are starting our 4th year) I've had periods where I've questioned our decision. But, this last year I still questioned, but knew deep down I will not even consider school of any kind outside our home until HS. Even at that I don't want them in HS, my dh needs time to come around! ;-)

 

I think at some point (probably a few years in) you realize you CAN do this and it really is the best thing for your children. (I say this to only those who deep down feel hsing is right for their family.. not trying to say hsing is right for everyone).

 

Part of it is confidence and part is experience. You'll get there! :001_smile:

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[Paintedlady]

I felt that way our first year but now at year 5, it's a distant memory. I felt somehow I was robbing them of all of these great experiences, but have come to realize I'm also giving them great experiences, just different ones.

 

Personally, I can't operate on the idea that every year I'm going to reevaluate our decision to homeschool. The idea of wrestling with it over and over again every year just saps my energy. We've made the decision to homeschool and we're in it for the long run, barring some catastrophic unforseen changes in our future. hth! :grouphug:

[buram]

OP, that you so much for posting this and thank you to all the responses. I have been going through a similar crisis lately and reading this thread really helps. :001_smile:

[KrissiK]

I think that a lot of those doubts come because nothing in life is absolutely 100% completely the right and best thing. I'm not sure if that came out right. I guess what I"m trying to say is, that in everything there are drawbacks and I think that doubt comes when we focus on those drawbacks and then they overshadow the other things. For me, right now, it's been the socialization factor. DS1 is 8 and he's starting to get to that age where they choose special friends. They don't just run out to the playground and play with whoever is there. We have kids in our neighborhood to play with, but for some reason, they aren't all coming out and playing right now. We've put our kids in sports, but after that sport is over there haven't been really any connections. There aren't any kids in our church, either. It's been really hard and I feel like if I put my kids in school they'd make some friends. I was just thinking the other day, if I gave my kid a birthday party who would we invite? There will always be doubts and there were always be things that our kids will miss out on because they are homeschooled. But, I always come back to what is so right about homeschooling, and they do have kids in our homeschool group they can play with from time to time when we get together.

[Sherri in MI]

...I know I am doing the right thing. I just wish my brain would agree with me :D

 

Your brain knows you're doing the right thing - it's just those pesky feelings get in the way sometimes. Someone once said to me - your feelings don't get to be in charge. I really liked that. Feelings are normal, part of being human, they can be glorious and they can be distressing. One thing guaranteed - they change...a lot. Depending on how much sleep I got, diet, exercise, other relationships, who I talked to last & what we talked about, life circumstances, etc.

 

All of this to say, do your feelings sometimes bother you about other things? I know mine do. So, I think we need to expect that sometimes our feelings are going to fluctuate about homeschooling, based on any number of factors related & unrelated to homeschooling.

 

One factor I believe is that many of us are forging new territory. This may be a new path for our families. Anything new or different is sometimes difficult & fraught with self-doubt. Am I doing the right thing? Did I make the right choice? Although homeschooling is much more acceptable, we are still pioneers in a sense. Pioneers always face difficulty, lonlieness...doubt.

 

I've been homeschooling our son for 8 years now. We have been through many ups and downs both in terms of getting schooling done, his progress, and my feelings about whether I was doing the right thing & our family's trials.

 

The early years were actually the easiest and more mellow for me - the decisions were easier and he loved school & I felt schooling was easier. I loved teaching phonics & teaching him to read & reading to him! He loved it all then.

 

As he got older and school got harder he started complaining that he didn't like school - that definitely affects my outlook. And his needs are getting more complex as we are moving into jr. high & I am thinking about high school & preparing him for college. I keep having my doubts.

 

The last four years have been very difficult as we have been through many trials including a move and unemployment and other crises as well. That has definitely affected my feelings about homeschooling and taken some of the joy out of it for me at times.

 

But my dh & I continue to believe that homeschooling is the best option for our son. (We can't afford private & public is just scary around here).

 

I'm just saying I think it's normal for our feelings to flucuate at times.

 

It really hopes to record & remember those joyous moments you mentioned & to know your reasons for homeschooling & remind yourself of them regularly.

 

At least you know from experience they aren't missing anything in public school.

[MeganW]

I am definitely having those feelings, and I don't even have any other choice! I have two kids who are in time-intensive therapy to correct double-vision, and we either can do therapy or full-time public school. So clearly I *have* to homeschool. I was thinking about homeschooling anyway, but ended up having the decision taken out of my hands due to therapy needs.

 

We live in a GREAT school district. 97% of high school graduates go on to further education (most 4 yr colleges, but some 2 yr). Highest test scores in the state. The area is very middle-class - no really rich kids, and no really poor kids, which eliminates some of the problems associated with those demographics. Small town, so not much crime, and small school district, so administrators are in touch with the schools. Smaller class sizes than the norm, kindergarten teachers have an assistant teacher, and many of the other teachers have a future teacher shadowing them, so more adults around than most. Schools teach lots of extras - Spanish, computers, etc. I honestly haven't heard anything of consequence that people disliked about our local school system.

 

My son is starved for friends. We don't get invited to a lot of things, and people tell me openly "adding your 4 just adds a lot of kids". They always comment about how good my kids are, but they are nervous about whether or not is OK to invite one and not the others. (It is, by the way!)

 

And my son is more calm & gentle than most boys, and so he struggles some anyway. His CC class next year only has one other boy in it, and the other child is wild. So he will be lonely again. He has one foot that turns in that makes him trip a lot, so he is not very athletic, and sports are what all the other boys are involved in. So that situation really worries me.

Edited July 13, 2011 by MeganW

[Lori D.]

We just finished year 11 of homeschooling -- and just graduated older DS! And I have to be honest -- I probably wrestled with questions of self-doubt for the first 6 years at least. Part of that was due to younger DS being not only very strong-willed and anti-school (of ANY type!) in attitude, but also figuring out that he had learning disabilities in multiple areas -- and then trying to figure out how to address those issues.

 

Also, it took me realizing at about that same time that our state's public school systems had slipped into the bottom 5 in the nation to realize -- there is NO way I could do WORSE than that! :tongue_smilie:

 

The only advice I can offer is:

- do your research (but not so much you overwhelm yourself!)

- pick programs which YOU can teach and which you believe will best match up with your students' learning style and need

- proceed with confidence, and just DO it

 

Try to look on homeschooling like hiking a trail to a mountain top -- the trail has ups and downs, but mostly it is progressing upward toward a good goal; and while you are on the trail, it is often hard to see what progress you are making -- but as you reach those occasional great lookout spots along the way, and especially once you reach the summit, you'll be able to look back and see it was all WAY worthwhile.

 

 

I would also like to add that, there is no way DH and I would have the *wonderful*, loving, and very close relationship that we enjoy with our 17yo and 19yo DSs if we had not homeschooled -- and persevered through those learning issue difficulties, attitude issues, etc. :) I am convinced that younger DS with learning issues would have fallen through the cracks in a conventional school system. And both DSs would never have had the opportunities to explore interests, be involved in fantastic extracurriculars, and have had the unique learning experiences we've been able to give them if they had been in a conventional school.

 

I am SO thankful for this wonderful homeschooling journey we have been blessed and privileged to be a part in all together. :) BEST of luck in your own family's homeschooling journey! Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited July 13, 2011 by Lori D.

[kalliemorgan]

I am going on my third year of homeschooling, and I think the self-doubt has gotten easier. The "I wonder if this is the right choice" voice is gone out of my head, also the "I hope that they socialize well." HOWEVER the "I hope that I am covering everything thoroghly and appropriately" has quieted, but is definitely still there. But I think there are bigger problems if you don't always question it. I think good moms always question themselves, not just with education in mind. There are instances of caring too little...which is worse than caring too much! Hang in there! It does get better.;)

[cuckoomamma]

For me, there is very, very little doubt, if any, that we're doing the right thing by hs. There are times, however, when I really question if I'm doing as good a job as I should be :-(

 

Part of that confidence is that I was a ps teacher. I've been in two different school systems and have many friends/acquaintances that teach. There's never been a school that beats what my children get here at home. Part of that is the ratio, part of that is that I love my children so much - as do you and no teacher can beat that, and part of it is the freedom to play. I look at these beautiful children who are friends of ours who have lost so much of their spirit, are exhausted, have less creativity because it's being squashed in school, and are "in trouble". The most mild-mannered wonderfully-behaved children are in trouble and losing recess time because they talked in line or played with their hairband.

 

On my worst day, it beats what they'd get in school - even a great school. I know many people have long term repercussions because a teacher didn't like them. That won't be happening to your children. A happy child can learn anything. An unhappy child or one who is worried about social issues with other children can't focus on academics.

 

The social dynamics of balancing between who likes you today/who doesn't, what's cool or not to do, how to stay in the good graces of the teacher, etc. are counterproductive to learning.

 

Your children are very, very young. As they grow, your confidence will grow as well. Read up on child development and what is/isn't appropriate to expect in terms of academics. Let them play and nourish their souls. Provide them with opportunities to experience different things (foods, environments, music) and lots of books to look at.

 

My oldest is turning 10, and for me, the most difficult year was when she would have been in K. I felt it was the first year I was officially claiming responsibility for her education and it was daunting. Every so often I have a momentary heart attack and then calm down. Nothing was as tough for me emotionally as that first year.

 

Try to relax and enjoy it.

[chepyl]

We just started our new year a few weeks ago. Toward the end of our last year I had a lot of the same feelings you are talking about. I did a lot of thinking over our break and came to the realization that I was going to use that doubt to my advantage. The doubts that I'm going to have (becuase I know they will creep in despite my best intentions) are going to be my reminder to always strive to do the absolute best I can for my dc. To push on, to continue educating myself, to always make the most of each day and to remember that as hard as I work to educate my dc I couldn't possibly be ruining them. Even if they graduate with gaps in their knowledge they aren't "ruined".

:iagree:

[Alicia64]

Cheer up, little buckaroo! :001_smile: It is going to be fine. It takes a while to get your groove on but you will.

 

Heck, even SWB admits, in one of her lectures, that she has those moments. She goes to her mom and asks if she is doing 'enough' and is doing a good job.

 

She is, of course, and you are too!

 

Wow, I hadn't heard this before. Nice to hear that even she has those days.

 

Alley

[Birdwinglips]

It's been really hard and I feel like if I put my kids in school they'd make some friends. I was just thinking the other day, if I gave my kid a birthday party who would we invite? There will always be doubts and there were always be things that our kids will miss out on because they are homeschooled. But, I always come back to what is so right about homeschooling, and they do have kids in our homeschool group they can play with from time to time when we get together.

:iagree:

 

We too have a lot of 'friends' through co-op, church, sports, but even though they live only a few blocks away, we rarely see them to 'play'. We do have some kids on our block who homeschool fortunately, but DS 10 (who happens to have a disability) has one friend his age (a girl) who he hangs out with regularly. If she's not home, he stays inside. Part of me wonders if he were in school would he have more friends. BUT THEN I look around and see a lot of the boys his age looking rather 'shady' when I see them in groups, their clothes are ridiculous, I hear their foul/coarse language, hear rumors about what is going on at the middle school (which starts at 4th grade here), etc. and feel better. :-)

 

I once read an article about how it's not how many friends a child has, but that they have at least one GOOD friend. If your child really connects with a child, maybe work hard to be sure he gets a day a week for a play date with them.

[Mama2Many4]

I will never, NEVER put my children whom I love into public school, or private for that matter. Read this story. It's local to me, but I believe the same all over.

 

http://www.projo.com/news/content/providence_school_board_07-12-11_1AP4PR1_v13.37989.html

[mamamoon]

What a wonderful thread!

[carlamom2ansnm]

I have a friend who has homeschooled all but 1 of her children k-12 (she calls her oldest dd her test case in ps and the reason she hs the rest lol). She once told me that the way she finally knew for sure that she'd done a good job was when her kids started hs'ing their kids. It makes sense is you think about it! So far, all of her grandkids are being hs (including the kids from the ps child) :)

[Guest Antalya]

I'm new to hs'ing and hardly feel qualified to post here, but I did teach in public schools for a bit and now I teach freshman composition at one of the largest universities in the country. Kids don't get things in public school, too, but nobody knows this until it's time for assessment. Even my students now, who are in general very bright, don't tell me when they don't understand things, and I don't discover this until papers are turned in. I thought of this as a failure of mine until I talked to my colleagues and discovered this is a common experience.

 

Anyway, students often don't understand things the first time around, and this is not always the fault of the teacher. Sometimes they just need time to process what you're presenting. I don't think you can take this personally, or expect that it would be different in a different setting, or even think that your children (and mine!) aren't ready for whatever it is that you're trying to teach them.

[KrissiK]

I will never, NEVER put my children whom I love into public school, or private for that matter. Read this story. It's local to me, but I believe the same all over.

 

http://www.projo.com/news/content/providence_school_board_07-12-11_1AP4PR1_v13.37989.html

 

Interesting article. I tend to agree that PS are full of politics, etc. California schools are a mess, too (although around here the taxpayers elect school board members), and the more I hear of the idiotic policies, the personal anecdotes of friends pulling their kids out because of bullying, etc. the more I am glad I homeschool, no matter how difficult it is. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for my children.

[fruitofthewomb]

I will be starting K this year with oldest dd and have spent all summer pondering "is this really the right thing?"

 

I too have been wondering if this doubt will ever go away. It was so nice to read all these responses. I am trying to surround myself with positive thoughts so I don't get discouraged.

[AHASRADA]

Sorry to tell you, but I don't think the feelings of self-doubt and what-ifs ever go away. The good news is, even if we weren't homeschooling, we would still have these feelings, just about some aspect of our dc's lives other than schooling. It's part of parenting.

 

Where they go to school, what activities they participate in, who they hang out with, every act of discipline, admonishment, encouragement, every time we permit or forbid something, we have that doubt. Did we do the right thing? Will they hate me forever/be a failure because I let them/did not let them do A, B or C?

 

Since education is such a foundational aspect of a person's life, and we are acting so far outside the norm in this critical area, we experience more of this self-doubt than other parents, and likely always will. We would have these feelings if we were taking a great leap of faith in raising our dc differently than is typical in any aspect of their lives.

 

I am hoping the feelings go away when our dc grow up into decent, honest, satisfied, successful adults. And if they don't, we will have the task of coming to peace with the fact that we are not entirely at fault for their shortcomings, as any parent must.

 

Don't worry, this is not the curse of homeschooling parents. It is the burden of all parents.

[WTMCassandra]

Heck, even SWB admits, in one of her lectures, that she has those moments. She goes to her mom and asks if she is doing 'enough' and is doing a good job.

 

 

Yes, I have heard this too. I think it is the If I Could Do It All Over Again talk. This gives me GREAT comfort.

[WTMCassandra]

Sorry to tell you, but I don't think the feelings of self-doubt and what-ifs ever go away. The good news is, even if we weren't homeschooling, we would still have these feelings, just about some aspect of our dc's lives other than schooling. It's part of parenting.

 

Where they go to school, what activities they participate in, who they hang out with, every act of discipline, admonishment, encouragement, every time we permit or forbid something, we have that doubt. Did we do the right thing? Will they hate me forever/be a failure because I let them/did not let them do A, B or C?

 

Since education is such a foundational aspect of a person's life, and we are acting so far outside the norm in this critical area, we experience more of this self-doubt than other parents, and likely always will. We would have these feelings if we were taking a great leap of faith in raising our dc differently than is typical in any aspect of their lives.

 

I am hoping the feelings go away when our dc grow up into decent, honest, satisfied, successful adults. And if they don't, we will have the task of coming to peace with the fact that we are not entirely at fault for their shortcomings, as any parent must.

 

Don't worry, this is not the curse of homeschooling parents. It is the burden of all parents.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:, especially with the bolded. And overall it's a great post to print out and reread when doubts plague you.