Co-sleeping?

[WishboneDawn]

I just wanted to add that I also think having our babes in our bed from day one increased the bonding between them and dh.

 

I just read many of the other replies, and I do agree that it can result in sleep-deprivation, but I was bfing anyway, and found it MUCH easier to just roll over and stick my b**b in their mouths, change a diaper, etc..All without getting out of bed. I feel it also resulted in happier dc during the day hours-which helped to balance the difficulty of 24/7 mothering.:)

 

I think we an exception to the rule. I LOVED co-sleeping but it drove my husband out of our bed and I felt it was easier in one respect for breastfeeding - I didn't have to get up - but I think my son also woke up to feed more often and was much longer learning to sleep through the night because he came to depend on nursing to get him back to sleep when he woke.

 

I'm a firm supporter of co-sleeping but this time...I think I'll give the crib a really good try.

[Firestar Academy]

we co-sleep here. my daughter is almost 12. she can sleep by herself and goes to week-long summer camp every summer.

 

I can only have 1 in the bed at a time. so the girls trade nights. when my 11 year old is in the bed, the 8 year old sleeps on the floor. when the 8 year old is in the bed, the 11 year old sleeps in her own room.

 

when i can't handle anyone in the bed, they sometimes both sleep in the 11 year olds room.

 

robin

[Peela]

Dh and I have never slept well together and have always had separate rooms to retreat to. So it was easy to co-sleep with my kids.

My firstborn however, although she slept either in bed with me or next to me in a cot from birth, was pretty ok when I moved her to a nearby room when I was heavily pregnant with ds. I felt I needed the space, and it allowed dh to attend to her during the night more. I often feel bad that I did that though. When ds was born he was a demanding baby, cried a lot, hated to be put down- so he slept with me till he was 2, and dd was in her own room from about a year old. Then when ds was 2 I moved him in with dd and they slept together in a double mattress on the floor for years. SO dd, the easygoing one, didnt get as much co-sleeping time as ds.

 

But when they were 7 and 8, dh and I separated for 18 months. I put the 3 of us in a room together for that 18 months and we loved it. They had bunk beds right next to my bed.

 

I think co-sleeping is very natural and I believe we are built, primally, to co sleep. Our society values independence in young kids too early and it leads to a lot of insecurity- it backfires. But that is what attachment parenting is all about. My 2 kids became very independent adventurers who have never been homesick, love to go on camps away from mum, from a young age etc- wheras I remember that sickening homesick feeling very acutely from my childhood.

[SonshineLearner]

I put my son in his crib at one, and it was great... it lasted a while... and back in our bed he came. Honestly, I sleep better with husband and little one in bed together, and me in another room:) I think that it's perfectly natural; I remember when I did Cultural Anthropology, baby was in between till the next baby came... then baby one moved to one of the parent's sides... Then it started all over again :) Babies in cribs are like "babies in cages". I slept with my hand on my baby's chest when he was little. (When he was 6 wks, I actually let him cry himself to sleep for about 3 nights.... I was at my MIL's house all by myself with not one minute of a break for 3 wks.... and as soon as he'd go to sleep, I'd try to put him down... that was a no go... the last night... before I left... I let him cry a LONG time and finally went... picked him up... and put him in bed with me.) Amazing persistance! From then on... he was a "with mama" baby. It did help to get back and have a few minutes to myself each day :)

[littlebug42]

As an infant, in desperation for sleep, on a few nights I tried to get Sweet-pea to sleep in between us. She would scream until I put her down. At first, it was in a cradle in our room but I didn't sleep at all. I woke up everytime she made even the tiniest grunt. We moved her into her own room then and everyone has slept better. Both daughters are very well adjusted and close to us and I have been able to enjoy them more because we all get the sleep we need. Every family is different. If co-sleeping works for you, I wouldn't worry about it.

[twoforjoy]

We do what works (or, really, what is necessary) for the individual child.

 

We do plan on keeping infants in the bed for the first few months, to make nursing easier. After that, it depends. DS coslept out of necessity. He would not fall asleep otherwise. DD went into a crib out of necessity. She wouldn't, after about 3 months, fall asleep otherwise. We're hoping that DS2 will go into a crib like DD did, but we're willing to do what works for him, too.

[Joanne]

This came up 2 semesters ago in my "marriage and family dynamics" class. The professor was trying to give an example of poor boundaries. He used a baby sleeping with the parents.

 

Of course, I have 3 teens, all of whom co-slept for years. I jumped in and said, Dr. ________, that is not a good example of boundaries. First, it's a parenting choice. Second, it tramples on multi-cultural respect. (Honoring traditions/cultural expectations of a variety of cultures is HUGE in the counseling/psychology field right now).

 

Now, mind you, Dr. _________ and myself didn't click very well for a long time. He then asked me "Joanne, what about the parent's needs for intimacy?"

 

Which, frankly, I have always thought to be a silly question. So, I asked him, "Dr. _______, is the bed the only place you have sex with your wife". :lol:

 

He was flabbergasted. :tongue_smilie: He stammered, and told me it was inappropriate. I told him it was a rhetorical question designed to make a point.

 

He tried to give me an opportunity to apologize. I ignored it.

 

This is the same Prof. that once stated "yes, we should be aware of cultural differences, but in the end, we are all human." I told him that was the second time I've heard that during that week; both times from white, middle aged men. It's easy to be universal minded when you ARE the dominant culture.

[Jennifer3141]

We're still happily co-sleeping. I'm actually worried about DH and the day DD will look at him and tell him she doesn't want to sleep in his armpit anymore.

 

We have a king bed. DD sleeps between DH and I and Ds sleeps on the other side of me in the bottom bunk of the bunk beds. DD isn't ready for that big a move yet. :D

[Heather in Neverland]

We are happy co-sleepers!!! It feels absolutely right and natural to us. With our first child many people tried to tell us all the ways in which co-sleeping was not right and as stupid new parents we started to listen.

 

So we had a talk with our 4 yo ds and told him he needed to start sleeping in his own bed. His response?

 

I don't understand. You and daddy are grown-ups and you get to have someone to sleep with at night. I am just a kid! How come I have to be all alone?

 

Dh and I looked at each other and said "hop in". :D Hard to argue with that logic.

[Jennifer3141]

So, your child reached the logic stage early, Heather! :D

 

My DD to this day does not believe she has ever had a bad dream or has ever worried about monsters. She was so worried about a friend of hers who had a series of nightmares for awhile and DD just could not comprehend waking up scared and alone. She kept asking me what kind of mama would do that to a little girl and in reality, they are a very nice family. The kids sleep alone though and DD just thinks that is weird.

[Gailmegan]

I can't imagine NOT cosleeping. It makes nursing so much easier. And I so love the cuddles. I sleep very soundly knowing that I'm right there if needed.

 

It certainly helped last week when 2 yo had a virus with fever and vomiting. I heard him making sounds and either got him to the bathroom or grabbed a big basin for him just in the nick of time. If I had been sleeping in another room I would have been washing bed linens and bathing a toddler three times in the middle of the night.

[JeneralMom]

We have a family bed, not a marital bed. DH's nephew was a SIDS death so sleep was a major issue when I was pregnant with DS7. DH was a heavy sleeper and used to build "pillow forts" in his sleep - he would flip around and throw pillows, stack them, etc. so we were worried about having baby in bed. We got a little bedside sleeper but DS7 hated it and from day one would cry if he wasn't touching someone so I would sleep with my hand on him in the sleeper. DH was so paranoid about the SIDS that he would wake up, trample me to get to the sleeper and wake the baby to make sure he was breathin. Eventually I told him to sleep next to the sleeper, but that was awkward for nursing so we just put the baby between us and all slept well. DS6 liked to be with us but have some room, so he enjoyed going between the sleeper and the bed. Both girls only wanted to be in the bed, snuggled next to DH. The boys have a kings size bed in their room, we have one in our room, and the girls have a single and a toddler bed in their room. DD2 is always in our bed, DD4 starts out either in her bed then transitions to the boys' bed or ours. DD6 starts in his and usually stays in it until early morning. DS7 starts in his bed but always comes into ours. Add to that a Great Dane and a Great Pyr, and 4 cats it can get crowded but we wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Right now, DD2 is spooning with the Pyr (DD2 is in the middle, Pyr is sleeping on DH's pillow), DD4 is lying across the bottom of the bed, using the Dane as a pillow, 1 cat is curled into the Dane, another is on the headboard in my room. DH put the boys to bed in their room and fell asleep with them and 1 cat....not sure where the kitten is but she is probably somewhere in the mix. If it gets too crowded, either DH or I usually go and sleep in the girls' room.

 

When DH goes away for business it takes him at least 2 nights to be able to sleep because it is too quiet and too empty.

Edited July 5, 2011 by jenr

[Heather in OK]

Co-slept with three of my four children.

 

Fully support co-sleeping when done safely. Especially for breastfeeding mamas.

[Recovering Sociopath]

I was terrified of cosleeping with my first, but then realized how much easier it is to nurse when nobody has to get up. We started cosleeping when he was about 3mo and never looked back. Everybody got SO much more rest!

 

Then I read up on it and realized a) how much safer it is when done properly and b0 how specific it is to western industrialized cultures that we push our kids away when they are so, so little and still need us so much.

 

DC2 and DC3 went straight to our bed as soon as they were born. I even thumbed my nose at the nurses and slept next to them in my bed at the hospitals where they were delivered.

 

It's never been an issue with DH; he actively prefers having his LOs near. :)

[weddell]

 

DC2 and DC3 went straight to our bed as soon as they were born. I even thumbed my nose at the nurses and slept next to them in my bed at the hospitals where they were delivered.

 

 

When I had ds (he's our 2nd and youngest) I slept with him in my hospital bed and the nurse thought it was great. I think I had the nicest nurse ever. She kept saying how she liked how she didn't have to worry about me and the baby because every time she came in to check on us I was always either holding or feeding the baby. I think she only came in one time where I wasn't holding him and she was quite surprised (I think I was trying to use the bathroom).

[Anne]

I cosleep by default when they're infants. IOW, I bring them into bed to nurse, and fall asleep for a bit.

 

I can't maintain that. I do not sleep well at all with babies beside me, and rapidly become sleep deprived, leading to migraines, flu like symptoms, and general losing of my mind.

 

When kids get bigger, I'm still not cut out for it. My kids kick, squirm, talk in their sleep...They can crash on my floor, but not in my bed.

 

I honestly don't have feelings one way or the other about cosleeping or family beds. I know *I* can't hack it, but it never occurred to me to care about what other families choose :lol:

 

This. Exactly. Even if they're not moving or talking, they *breathe* - and I hear them - and I lie awake listening to them....

 

I do not care what sleeping arrangements anyone else practices, but my dc slept in their own beds in their own rooms except when they (and I) fell asleep nursing.

 

Anne

[Soror]

We co-slept from day 1, never owned a crib. Ds was until 5 and dd1 until 2, then they moved out together(I was hugely pregnant). DD2 is still co-sleeping at 19 mo and my tenative plan is to try to move her with dd1 around 2 yrs. We will see. I cannot sleep without them when babies. I lay there waiting for them to wake up, we naturally wake up together when co-sleeping and I am hardly roused if I had to get all the way out of bed oh, vey. On diapers past the newborn stage I don't change them at night and then I keep them right close by the bed.

 

Oh, and someone mentioned how their relatives(Catholic) were against it. That has nothing to do with Catholicism we actually learned about co-sleeping in our NFP class at church, it is heavily promoted actually as a component of ecological bf'ing.

 

To us it would be unnatural not to co-sleep, I really cannot imagine why it is seen as abnormal, really I cannot. It seems insane to me but yet we are often ignorant here of the vast majorities of other cultures and do assume that how things are done are as they are always done(as pp's mentioned). It also baffles me about every kid having to have a separate bedroom as well, I don't get that one either. I do wonder all these that say they cannot sleep with babies, why is that? Certainly it was and isn't an option for most of the world, why is it an issue here? Is it just that so many Americans have sleep issues anyway? Deep cultural conditioning? Part of the set-up in America or that the act itself is not learned- as it has taken me a while to get in a groove with it myself.

 

It is, I do not believe, something that comes automatic for us in cultures were it is not practiced. I am set up now with pillows strategically placed and have a certain sleeping position I use. it would be impossible for me to roll over on my baby the way we sleep together. I have also learned that I have to somewhat hold her when I sleep- I don't just lay separate from her or I wouldn't/cannot sleep. I cannot fall asleep without holding her. I also almost always go to sleep at the same time or then I have trouble falling asleep. Personally, I sleep great co-sleeping. I do not feel deprived(unless I have unrelated insomnia or a teething/sick kid). I do also alot extra time in the beginning for sleeping and would lay with her in the afternoon until I didn't feel I needed it. Sleep is a big priority.

 

With #1 I did have horrible issues. At first he wouldn't sleep unless on top of me. Then there was the issue of figuring out how to nurse. I didn't know anything about babies period. It was a lot to learn and he was a high needs baby. I think now that was also to do with food in intolerances and now I am very aware of sleep patterns and watching them as they can really mess up their sleep.

 

OH, and I used to always have insomnia but on a gf/df grainfree low carb diet I do not. I would be awake for hrs every night. That was a big key in helping me to finally sleep. I ate some gf oats the other evening, why I don't know and I was awake from 3 am on. Now, I have noticed that I am not always as sensitive to rice now but I still feel better without it.

[Jenny in Atl]

Co-slept with both of mine, from day 1. We had a family bed for years, till both were ready to move into their own beds (around the age of four), which both did. Never had sleep issues. It was the most normal natural thing for our family.

[cjbeach]

We co-slept by taking off the rail of the crib and attaching it to the side of or bed (a DIY co-sleeper). But with #3 my husband started bringing him in our bed to snuggle. My hubby is a snuggler, I'm Shirley (from Laverne & Shirley - sleeps without messing the covers in one position all night).Hubby kept saying "I feel so bad, he's our last little one." Uh huh. Don't get me wrong, when nursing I will only co-sleep but we stopped nursing at 16 months. Now my little guy is a true blue snuggler. He's 5 and even if he starts out in his bed, most night he winds up in our bed. ((Oh my aching back!))

[Amy in NH]

I cosleep by default when they're infants. IOW, I bring them into bed to nurse, and fall asleep for a bit.

 

I can't maintain that. I do not sleep well at all with babies beside me, and rapidly become sleep deprived, leading to migraines, flu like symptoms, and general losing of my mind.

 

When kids get bigger, I'm still not cut out for it. My kids kick, squirm, talk in their sleep...They can crash on my floor, but not in my bed.

 

I honestly don't have feelings one way or the other about cosleeping or family beds. I know *I* can't hack it, but it never occurred to me to care about what other families choose :lol:

 

Yes! This has been us as well.

[HS Mom in NC]

I co-slept with my kids from the beginning because I planned to. Adult intimacy happened in rooms other than the master bedroom while the kids co-slept with us.

 

Co-sleeping is the norm historically and biologically. My youngest is adopted from S. Korea where it's the norm also.

[sagesavannah]

We have always done this. I didn't know anything about co-sleeping or that it had a name, when my dd was younger, she just wouldn't sleep on her own.

 

It kind of stuck and now we really like it, although she wants to sleep alone more now.

[Alphabetika]

And that controversy is fairly recent. Like, mid-20th century recent.

 

It's interesting to me how adamant people can be about every hold needing their own room, even. My kids all sleep in the same room, though the 10yo is ready for a space without her brothers in it (they lobbied to share a room with bunk beds). My parents both shared beds with siblings...

 

It's just funny how relatively new ways become the ONLY way.

 

And I wonder how much of the newer attitudes come about because the larger houses get and the smaller families get, it's often possible for each child to have a separate room. I suspect that in some other societies and also in the earlier days of our country, co-sleeping is/was simply the practical thing to do for space concerns, even if for no other reason.

[Lovemyblessings]

Wow! I'm glad to hear so many families feel the way I do. Granted, my children may be older than some. We get a good nights sleep in my King size bed and even though we are sleeping, I feel a special bond sharing a bed :)

[Mom-ninja.]

A lot more people co-sleep than will admit. That's what I've found. :001_smile:

 

 

As for adult intimacy.....well, I managed to have two more children after the first so apparently, dh and I found a way. ;)

 

My mom used to give me a hard time about co-sleeping. She would go on and on to me (and my family members) about how dh and I were putting our marriage at risk because how could we possibly have s*x with children in our bed. After years of her "concern" for my s*x life, I decided to put an end to it. I told her straight to her face that if she thinks the only place to have s*x is in a bed, then I am saddened by her lack of imagination and her sorry boring s*x life. She has never again mentioned it to me.

[fairfarmhand]

I cosleep by default when they're infants. IOW, I bring them into bed to nurse, and fall asleep for a bit.

 

I can't maintain that. I do not sleep well at all with babies beside me, and rapidly become sleep deprived, leading to migraines, flu like symptoms, and general losing of my mind.

 

When kids get bigger, I'm still not cut out for it. My kids kick, squirm, talk in their sleep...They can crash on my floor, but not in my bed.

 

I honestly don't have feelings one way or the other about cosleeping or family beds. I know *I* can't hack it, but it never occurred to me to care about what other families choose :lol:

this is me.

 

Can't sleep with a kid.

[fairfarmhand]

I never did. By bedtime I wanted space from my kids. I love them with all my heart, but I spend my whole day with them, serving them, and when they were babies I had someone physically attached to me most of the day. So I personally needed to be able to put them to bed in a different room and spend some time with DH or by myself being a grown-up.

 

No judgment for anyone who feels differently, I certainly don't think it's wrong to allow your kids access to you all day, every day. I just have my limits, personally.

:iagree: me too.

[idnib]

We're very pro-cosleeping. It may be cultural for me; my background is from a country in which families of 8 may only have a couple of bedrooms, or one bedroom and the others sleep on bedrolls in the living area.

 

We still cosleep with our 3 yo every night and sometimes our 7 yo if he doesn't want to sleep on his own (where "on his own"=mattress on the floor of our room.) The 7 yo is becoming interested in moving into his own room and he'll probably be there by the end of the summer. We were making better progress with this before last night, when some idiots set of the loudest fireworks ever in the middle of the night and it scared the heck out of him. :banghead:

 

We do love cosleeping, though, and we'll miss having the kids around during the night when they've moved on.