Parents of multiples (or anyone else)- travel dilemna

[jenn-]

Back story- Way back when (think January) MIL and SFIL asked if they could take DD on a DVC members cruise this fall. We warned them then that it would depend on her gymnastics competition schedule, but they couldn't wait to make their reservations (this thing sells out in hours) so they booked the trip with her on it understanding that changes might have to be made. Based off of the previous 2 years of competitions she had attended we thought it would fall in between 2 competitions during the period they usually have 4 weekends free. Well, they decided to do a couple of different competitions and she would be getting off the boat on Thursday, driving home 10+ hours and then possibly competing at 8am on Friday 2hours north of us, can you say, I don't think so. There is no way she can do this.

 

So we were going to plan B, and switch the reservation from 3 people to 4 and send the twins in her place. This has been the fall back plan from the beginning. When it started to look like this plan was going to have to be the case MIL supposedly called Disney cruise and were told it would not be a problem, but she didn't do it then because we weren't 100% sure. Now we are sure and I asked her to make the changes BEFORE we went through the passport application process. SFIL wouldn't do it until we got the passports going though (in his defense we are known procrasinators). So Thursday I worked my hiney off getting everything together to get to the post office on Friday to spend the $210 (between the 2) for their passports. Once they found out we had sent in the paperwork they called Disney cruise to make the change. They were told "no go," their room is a 3 person room and the boat is sold out. :glare:

 

To say the least, I'm pissed off, but MIL has offered to reimburse the cost of the passports which I plan to accept without appropriate declines first (you know where you politely say no one or two times before agreeing). The thing is, DD's ticket is non refundable and if they don't find someone to go with them it will just be lost money/vacation points. MIL brought up bringing just 1 of the twins or my youngest son (who of course we didn't get the passport for :glare: ). How the heck do you decide which twin to send? They only go on this cruise every couple of years so it isn't like we can just say "you get to go alone next year" to the other one. I also don't know how they would do apart from each other that long, or if they would enjoy it as much apart.

 

So in our case, what would you do? Send one, if so which one? Make MIL eat the cruise cost because she knew the risk going into it?

[Mandy in TN]

Send your dd with her grandparents! In another year or two she probably won't be interested in a Disney cruise and may not even be interested in spending time with them. Personal relationships are more important than sports.

 

She may do lousy in the competition, but in the long run her memories of a cruise with her grandparents will be more important. Also, some kids actually surprise you and do better after a week off.

 

(FWIW- This past week I watched a video of Mary Lou Retton talking about how she exercises now... with her 2 hip replacements and 14 orthopedic surgeries. She is only 43. At this point she'll be lucky if she can stand up to hold her grandkids.)

 

Mandy

[Julie in CA]

So in our case, what would you do? Send one, if so which one? Make MIL eat the cruise cost because she knew the risk going into it?

Umm...you won't like my answer. I'm only giving it because you asked...

MIL sounds extremely generous, and I was reading quickly, so I missed the part about why you're annoyed with *her*.

I would absolutely send dd for a special time with grandparents, *even if* it meant missing an entire competition. :001_huh: Shocking, I know, but my priorities place family and lifetime memories ahead of a sporting event. If she were so very ill that she couldn't stand, she'd miss the competition. I think of one-time opportunities with grandparents to be equally as important.

 

Again, I'm only telling you what I think because you asked. ;)

[TXBeth]

I agree. I would send your DD as originally planned. Yes, she'll be coming off vacation, but there's no reason she couldn't do a little stretching or something while on the cruise and still compete. And it's not like she's the one driving for 10 hours, so she can sleep, read, whatever, and be ready to go the next day.

[plain jane]

This is probably not what you want to hear but I'd send dd for the week with her grandparents. Now, I say this as someone who is not a "gym mom" so I don't necessarily understand all that goes with that territory but if my parents or ILS offered to take my dd on a cruise like that, I don't think my kids would miss it for anything.

 

A million other reasons could come up that could cause her to miss the competition (unforeseen injury, sickness, whatever) and then she'll have missed out on both. I would either skip the competition altogether or send her anyways.

 

Instead of the 10 hour drive home, could you spend a bit extra and have her fly home to save on traveling time?

 

I'm sorry this all didn't go as planned. :grouphug: I do think in years to come that your dd will have fond memories of this cruise with her grandparents, more so than one gymnastics competition.

[Jennifer in MI]

Send your dd with her grandparents! In another year or two she probably won't be interested in a Disney cruise and may not even be interested in spending time with them. Personal relationships are more important than sports.

 

Mandy

:iagree:

 

She'll LOVE the cruise!!! And, you don't have to make a choice between your other kids.

 

ETA - I'm not a gym mom either, but I am the mom of athletes. As long as you let your coaches know way ahead of time, I bet they'd be okay with it. I know on my son's baseball team there have been kids who have had to miss games due to family trips.

[Melinda in VT]

Umm...you won't like my answer. I'm only giving it because you asked...

MIL sounds extremely generous, and I was reading quickly, so I missed the part about why you're annoyed with *her*.

I would absolutely send dd for a special time with grandparents, *even if* it meant missing an entire competition. :001_huh: Shocking, I know, but my priorities place family and lifetime memories ahead of a sporting event. If she were so very ill that she couldn't stand, she'd miss the competition. I think of one-time opportunities with grandparents to be equally as important.

 

Again, I'm only telling you what I think because you asked. ;)

 

:iagree:

 

I would send your DD. I would not send one twin without the other. (For context, my b/g twins are 11 now, and I am a big proponent of letting others treat the twins as individuals. Separate play dates? Sure. Only one invited to a birthday party? Absolutely. Only one going on a cruise with grandparents? Nope. That is past my line.)

[ayden]

I am a gym mom--and I think I'd go forward with the cruise. I know those competition schedules aren't really set until a couple of weeks (if that) before the actual event and your daughter may compete on a Sunday morning. Plus, I'm not sure when your state meet is, but ours isn't until mid-late March so that's still a lot of time before state.

[JaniceO]

I am going to have to agree with the others. Send your daughter.

[jenn-]

Oh, I guess I missed a couple important to mention facts. DD attended this cruise with them 2 years ago. MIL lives nearby (20 minutes) and takes my DD to various short trips with her as she is the eldest, the only granddaughter, and to take the boys it means a package deal. DD herself has already decided to put her gymnastics first and does not want to perform poorly this year. She had a hard season last year only making the podium once or twice. This is as much her decision as it is ours.

 

I am mainly annoyed with MIL because if she would have just called on Thursday to make the changes offical, we would have known to not worry about getting the passports. Legally you do not have to have a passport to cruise into and out of the same port in the US, so getting them is really only adding safety to the trip.

[WiseOwlKnits]

I would send DD without hesitation. She might do bad in that one competition, but the memories of this vacation with her grandparents will last a lifetime.

[TXBeth]

Oh, I guess I missed a couple important to mention facts. DD attended this cruise with them 2 years ago. MIL lives nearby (20 minutes) and takes my DD to various short trips with her as she is the eldest, the only granddaughter, and to take the boys it means a package deal. DD herself has already decided to put her gymnastics first and does not want to perform poorly this year. She had a hard season last year only making the podium once or twice. This is as much her decision as it is ours.

 

I am mainly annoyed with MIL because if she would have just called on Thursday to make the changes offical, we would have known to not worry about getting the passports. Legally you do not have to have a passport to cruise into and out of the same port in the US, so getting them is really only adding safety to the trip.

 

In that case, I would let the twins draw straws for who gets to go, and let the other go next time. If they don't want to split up, send your YDD and see if grandparents want to take both twins next time. Of course, this is assuming grandparents are OK with all the above options.

[Julie in CA]

I am mainly annoyed with MIL because if she would have just called on Thursday to make the changes offical, we would have known to not worry about getting the passports.

But...:001_huh:

You've already mentioned that you're *known* as a procrastinator!:D

We're talking about roughly 24 hrs. of procrastination on her part, she's graciously offered to reimburse, and you're still annoyed? :001_smile:

[jenn-]

I am a gym mom--and I think I'd go forward with the cruise. I know those competition schedules aren't really set until a couple of weeks (if that) before the actual event and your daughter may compete on a Sunday morning. Plus, I'm not sure when your state meet is, but ours isn't until mid-late March so that's still a lot of time before state.

 

You are right about not knowing her exact competition time until closer to the meet, but this is only a Friday & Saturday meet, so at latest it would be Saturday afternoon. DD is still in compulsory levels so her state meet is in early December. They are only going to 5 meets this season which includes the state, so missing 1 entirely or doing poorly at 1 could really hurt her chances at advancing yet once again (she is already repeating last season's level). Again, this is as much her decision to forgo the cruise.

[jenn-]

But...:001_huh:

You've already mentioned that you're *known* as a procrastinator!:D

We're talking about roughly 24 hrs. of procrastination on her part, she's graciously offered to reimburse, and you're still annoyed? :001_smile:

 

It wasn't procrastination on their part, they flat out weren't going to call until the passports were submitted for. I am grateful for her offer to reimburse, but I am still annoyed at the whole situation, not just directed at her, but also Disney who had told her earlier that they had a 4 person room and that they would be able to switch without a problem. It just stinks that I am now in a position that I might have to chose between my twins or no one gets to go with Grandma.

[eternalknot]

It wasn't procrastination on their part, they flat out weren't going to call until the passports were submitted for. I am grateful for her offer to reimburse, but I am still annoyed at the whole situation, not just directed at her, but also Disney who had told her earlier that they had a 4 person room and that they would be able to switch without a problem. It just stinks that I am now in a position that I might have to chose between my twins or no one gets to go with Grandma.

 

I'm the sibling of twins. So many well-meaning friends and adult used to lump them together, assuming they always wanted (or had/needed) to do things together. Most of the time they did, and heck - today, still do. But they still did treasure those times when they were individuals, and not a unit.

 

The eldest grandchild went two years ago, and isn't available this year. Send the older twin this year; send the younger twin in two years; two years later yet, send your youngest. Fun, fun, fun, each one in turn.

 

It's not about choosing between twins, it's about going in order of age - whether that order is a matter of years, or minutes!

[Matryoshka]

It wasn't procrastination on their part, they flat out weren't going to call until the passports were submitted for. I am grateful for her offer to reimburse, but I am still annoyed at the whole situation, not just directed at her, but also Disney who had told her earlier that they had a 4 person room and that they would be able to switch without a problem. It just stinks that I am now in a position that I might have to chose between my twins or no one gets to go with Grandma.

 

If you really don't want to send dd, send one of the twins. I sent one of my twins to Germany alone, and the understanding was that the other one would get to go a couple of years later. Now, my twins are as different as night and day, so it was easy to pick the more "mature" one to go first. But even so, twins are not always a package deal. You may say it's not fair to send one before the other, but isn't it equally "unfair" that your dd got a trip by herself with the grandparents and the twins would be expected to share the attention? Wouldn't it be equally "unfair" that this would be dd's second trip before either one of them got a chance? Life isn't always perfectly fair, and that's just fine. :) Send one now, and one next time. They're still individuals, even if they happen to be the same age. :)

[RoughCollie]

I would not send one of my triplets if the other two wanted to go somewhere as well. Even if the others said they understood, be it one person or two, that would not be true. The one or two left out would feel slighted, for sure.

 

The only time two of them went on a trip to visit my mother and brother for 6 weeks, DS3 did not want to go because it was during Red Sox season and he would miss the games. In that case, he did not feel slighted. If we had forced him to go (never an issue during Red Sox season), DS3 would have never forgiven us.

Edited July 2, 2011 by RoughCollie

[sbgrace]

Do the grandparents do these cruises alone anyway or they are meant to experience with grandkids?

 

I was thinking let the daughter go as well. But you wrote that she doesn't want to go? She is given the choice--go on the cruise knowing it may impact your performance the next day or don't go and she picked don't go? She sounds dedicated to her sport! If that is really her choice then it should be honored.

 

I can't imagine sending one of my twins and making the other wait. If she really doesn't want to go given the timing of her competition I don't see one twin as an option personally. It's not at all the same as sending a different age sibling. I guess if that seems like the best option draw straws. I certainly wouldn't act like 10 minutes earlier on birth means priority on the trip and I can't imagine telling boy x his brother is more mature or whatever and actually picking one over the other. I don't think the five year old will remember much if anything but I guess if grandparents want to take someone he's an option. There are no other grandkids I take it?

Edited July 2, 2011 by sbgrace

[AK_Mom4]

I would ask the twins - maybe one of them would rather not go. If they both want to go (and I will guess that they probably do!), I would draw straws, with the understanding that the twin who doesn't go has dibs on the next super cool thing that comes along.

 

I'm of the "kids don't have to have everything equal" school - not even for twins. The other twin can go with the grandparents next time.

[jenn-]

Do the grandparents do these cruises alone anyway or they are meant to experience with grandkids?

 

I was thinking let the daughter go as well. But you wrote that she doesn't want to go? She is given the choice--go on the cruise knowing it may impact your performance the next day or don't go and she picked don't go? She sounds dedicated to her sport! If that is really her choice then it should be honored.

 

I can't imagine sending one of my twins and making the other wait. If she really doesn't want to go given the timing of her competition I don't see one twin as an option personally. It's not at all the same as sending a different age sibling. I guess if that seems like the best option draw straws. I certainly wouldn't act like 10 minutes earlier on birth means priority on the trip and I can't imagine telling boy x his brother is more mature or whatever and actually picking one over the other. I don't think the five year old will remember much if anything but I guess if grandparents want to take someone he's an option. There are no other grandkids I take it?

 

Honestly, I think MIL is bored of traveling with SFIL so she likes to bring a kid with her on occasion. There are other grandchildren of appropriate ages (his grandkids), but they don't have the benefit of being homeschoolers and missing a week of school would be a big deal for them.

[Jennifer in MI]

It wasn't procrastination on their part, they flat out weren't going to call until the passports were submitted for. I am grateful for her offer to reimburse, but I am still annoyed at the whole situation, not just directed at her, but also Disney who had told her earlier that they had a 4 person room and that they would be able to switch without a problem. It just stinks that I am now in a position that I might have to chose between my twins or no one gets to go with Grandma.

 

I'm sure when she called Disney, they had a 4 person room available at that time. When she called again, those 4 person rooms had sold out. This is a very popular cruise - rooms sell out.

 

I'd talk with your MIL. Ask when they are thinking they'll go again. Can they take the other twin? Is there another comparable trip they'd be able to do at another time with the other twin? One of my friends' mothers takes her grandkids on a trip each year. One year it was dinosaur bone hunting in CO. this year it's an action/adventure trip in AZ with ziplines, and white water rafting. Anyway, maybe one of your twins would like that kind of trip - even if it meant waiting a year?

 

Your kids are lucky to have grandparents who are so involved!

[black_midori]

I don't have twins, but I always figured that dressing them the same and having them do exactly the same thing was just trite - they are NOT the same person. So, the only reason I see it as any different than allowing your daughter to go instead of one of them is because she is a little older and they are the same age. If you are terribly opposed to not just using some fair split (straws, coins, whatever), why don't you just send the 5yo? Mine is playing in the next room, and he'd LOVE to go on a Disney cruise!! I think he'd remember enough to know it was awesome fun - and Disney cruises are MADE for younger kids to have fun! I think it would be fairly rude to make MIL eat the ticket when she is apparently bending over backwards to try and make this easy and pleasurable for you and your kids. In fact, I think it is rude of your daughter to prefer doing some happens-all-the-time competition instead of a once-in-a-while just-for-your-enjoyment cruise with the grandparents (but then, I am not a big fan of any overly-organized, overly-involved sport, period).

[LaxMom]

There is absolutely NO WAY I would send one of my boys (6 3/4) on a Disney cruise and not the other.

 

Yes, when they're older they will choose which activities they want to do and I realize they may differ in their tastes. At almost seven, though, they are most definitely a unit and I can't imagine telling one of them that he'll have his turn in two years! They have a hard time coming to terms with two weeks. In 7yo terms, two years is "never".

[jenn-]

Thank you for all your replies. This is a decision we will not make lightly. Right now I am leaning towards sending my more mature and independent twin even though he is the younger one, I just don't know how to explain it to them.

[QueenCat]

Send your dd with her grandparents! In another year or two she probably won't be interested in a Disney cruise and may not even be interested in spending time with them. Personal relationships are more important than sports.

 

She may do lousy in the competition, but in the long run her memories of a cruise with her grandparents will be more important. Also, some kids actually surprise you and do better after a week off.

 

 

 

:iagree:100% Time spent with grandparents more valuable than being at 100% peak for Friday morning's competition. In our home, the original child would be going on the cruise, and would likely be tired on Friday morning. I would be ecstatic that they want to spend the time with her.

 

Edit: I didn't read your updates before posting. I'd see if they can call Disney and ask again, see if a different customer service agent can help.

Edited July 4, 2011 by CathieC

[mom4him]

Send your dd with her grandparents! In another year or two she probably won't be interested in a Disney cruise and may not even be interested in spending time with them. Personal relationships are more important than sports.

 

She may do lousy in the competition, but in the long run her memories of a cruise with her grandparents will be more important. Also, some kids actually surprise you and do better after a week off.

 

(FWIW- This past week I watched a video of Mary Lou Retton talking about how she exercises now... with her 2 hip replacements and 14 orthopedic surgeries. She is only 43. At this point she'll be lucky if she can stand up to hold her grandkids.)

 

Mandy

:iagree:

[Jan in SC]

I would have your MIL call Disney several times each day. People cancel all the time, and ask for a supervisor, too. He/ she might have the ability to help. Let Disney know that MIL was offered a four person room. Disney has always been very accommodating!

[jenn-]

I would have your MIL call Disney several times each day. People cancel all the time, and ask for a supervisor, too. He/ she might have the ability to help. Let Disney know that MIL was offered a four person room. Disney has always been very accommodating!

 

I did make this suggestion. Usually with Disney, if you keep calling eventually you will get the answer you want. :lol:

[lmrich]

I have the perfect solution...

 

 

Send me!

 

:lol:

[RahRah]

I did make this suggestion. Usually with Disney, if you keep calling eventually you will get the answer you want. :lol:

 

That's what I'd suggest - we have DVC points, so I've had to do the multiple call thing to get the answer I want with making reservations...perseverance pays with DVC! That said, if she still can't get the reservation, you may want to reimburse her for the points for the third person who can't go - just ask her how many points the third person was and her maintenance fees and offer to reimburse her that if none of your dc go!

[anotherbrother]

I don't know a lot about DVC points, but I do know that they often have a waiting list option. It sounds like you still have quite awhile. Would it be possible to not discuss it with the kids, while getting on the waiting list and still continuing to call regularly?

[Farrar]

I would send your oldest dd, like others said.

 

However, as a mother of twins, I actually think it's a good thing to give them separate experiences earlier rather than later. Life is not the same for my boys - they each have different interests and strengths and weaknesses. Dh and I took them on separate vacations this year for the first time and I feel like it was incredibly positive. This is a big deal vacation, so I wouldn't do it if I didn't feel like it couldn't be "made up" eventually on some level to the other one. Life isn't the same, but it should shake out fairly equally somehow in the end. But if you feel like your mil (or another family member or you or whatever) could take the other twin somewhere big within the next 1-2 years, then I would say do it. It surprises me how many times I see people say that they have to keep their twins together for all things. From all the reading I've done about twinship, I can't imagine that is a net positive.

[LibraryLover]

Grandparents. She's 11. Don't lose sight of what is important. If she were 14, my answer would be different.

[Sushi's Mom]

Can the boys not sleep in the bed together, so they can both go? If it is a single bed, they could sleep head to foot for a few nights. I bet they would not mind. Or they could take turns sleeping on the floor. Sorry, I'm just concerned that there will be problems at this age by sending one and not the other. Kids that age would feel like there is something wrong with them, or they are a bad kid and that's why they didn't get to go. Or grandma doesn't love them as much, etc.

[jenn-]

Grandparents. She's 11. Don't lose sight of what is important. If she were 14, my answer would be different.

 

Why would 3 years make any difference? When we signed her gymnastics contract back in January she committed to us to do her best and dedicate herself to her sport this season. This isn't a cheap sport to just waste a competition to go on a trip with grandparents she sees regularly. We are trying to teach our preteen daughter that sometimes we have to miss something fun to keep up with prior commitments. We are actually very proud that she has come to the decision to skip the cruise on her own.

 

Can the boys not sleep in the bed together' date=' so they can both go? If it is a single bed, they could sleep head to foot for a few nights. I bet they would not mind. Or they could take turns sleeping on the floor. Sorry, I'm just concerned that there will be problems at this age by sending one and not the other. Kids that age would feel like there is something wrong with them, or they are a bad kid and that's why they didn't get to go. Or grandma doesn't love them as much, etc.[/quote']

 

If this was a trip to a hotel, we would totally do the 2 kids in a small bed. They typically sleep together when we travel. Unfortunately in cruise world, if a room is a 3 person room it will only have 3 life preservers in it and when they calculate safety measures only 3 people are in it. I understand from the cruise line standpoint that they cannot add another person if the room is as they say it is. SFIL swears the initial room was supposed to be a 4 person room though. Somewhere, someone got their wires crossed.