Wondering what you think of this.

[BakersDozen]

I'd throw her a "room of the house" shower where everyone is assigned a gift for a particular room of the house. Then follow their registry for the wedding.

 

 

I have never understood having both shower gifts and wedding gifts. :confused: That's a bit overkill and greedy, isn't it? My sil did this - a "basics" shower then a registry where people could contribute $ to their 6-week honeymoon in Australia. We sent a basic gift but figured their honeymoon was their responsibility. Edited May 3, 2011 by LuvnMySvn

[LidiyaDawn]

Does it really matter what *anyone else* thinks? I mean - this young couple is going to live their own lives, doing their own thing. Maybe they ARE going to live with family after - so what? If their family CHOOSES to do that, it's their choice. [Didn't we just have a thread here not so long ago about multi-generational homes?]

 

Maybe they don't *want* a bunch of "stuff", maybe they've got a pile of hand-me-downs out in the shed, maybe they'll hit up some yard sales when they get back, maybe they'll go off and rent a furnished place, maybe _______.

 

I hope they have a fabulous time on their cruise ~ I'd say "wish it was us!" but I'm not really a fan of cruise ships. I'd rather do a cross country train trip or something… :D

[SproutMamaK]

:iagree: My brother and his wife went into 20K of debt over their had to be fancy wedding and Hawaii honeymoon. Not to mention, they made a poor decision buying a house. It is haunting them to this day while they raise 3 kids. Both MUST work full time and they struggle with any emergency. It's easy to say you should throw caution to the wind, but unless you can do it with cash out of pocket (or your registry if that works for them), I think it shows poor judgment.

 

I'm not saying they should go 20K into debt, not at all. As I said, I think if they're generally reckless and irresponsible (and it sounds like they may be well be), this just just another symptom of that. But if they're otherwise doing their best, I see no harm in asking for an luxurious experience rather than something practical as a wedding gift.

[Audrey]

I do think it is poor judgement, but I also think it is poor judgement to marry at such a very young age. That is my personal opinion. Obviously, for others, YMMV.

 

Their choice to request frivolous items when they have nothing on their own shows a true immaturity that doesn't bode well for a marriage no matter what physical age they are. The likelihood is that they will learn some tough lessons at the School of Hard Knocks and they will grow up.

 

FWIW, I, too would still get them something they requested. That's family.

[Janie Grace]

I don't think it is any worse than people who register for a $300 toaster or dishes that are $200 per place setting.

 

This is what it reminded me of, and this bugs me as well. I have actually been thinking about it all day! Trying to figure out... why does this bother me? Is it *right* for me to feel this way? I don't know. When someone registers only at expensive stores for items like a $300 toaster or even a $25 spatula, it really bothers me. I guess I am concerned that if I don't buy off their registry, my gift will be something extra/unwanted/unneeded. At the same time, I resent having to spend over my budget, or give a gift that seems very small due to the astronomical price tags of the chosen store.

 

It's their prerogative to register where they want to, I know. I guess I have just thought of registries as a courtesy to the guests, a "helpful hints" kind of thing. But more and more, it feels like there is an air of entitlement... like it's a chance to get stuff they wouldn't spend their own hard-earned cash on. But maybe that's what wedding gifts are supposed to be. I'm sure it's just my practical nature coming out and not a moral issue.

 

When I registered, I would have been embarrassed to ask for something that did not seem like a good value. Maybe this couple is just less inhibited than I was!

[sleepymommy]

I'm going to go the polar opposite direction. I so wish I had done this. We were responsible with our money. We scrimped and saved and bought our home and bought pots and pans and budget furniture and made it all work a in a mature, responsible way. We took a local honeymoon to a place that wasn't particularly romantic, but nice enough.

 

I can't tell you how much I wish that, just for our honeymoon,we'd said to heck with it, thrown caution to the wind and been a little reckless. I will never get that time of my life again, and darnit I want it back. If being reckless and careless is a general way of life that's one thing, but as an isolated incident I'd grin for them and wish them the best. You're only love-drunk newlyweds once. Revel in it a little.

 

:iagree:

 

:iagree:

 

DH and I were pretty broke when we got married and for the first few years of our marriage (okay, we're still pretty broke)...but I often wish we'd made doing some pre-kid traveling more of a priority and scraped the money together somehow. It only gets harder to justify a splurge on non-essentials every now and then as you get older, add kids and a mortgage, etc.

 

:iagree: We were broke and never had a honeymoon. We had kids quickly and still to this day have never had any sort of "just us" vacation.

 

 

I do think it is poor judgement, but I also think it is poor judgement to marry at such a very young age. That is my personal opinion. Obviously, for others, YMMV.

 

Their choice to request frivolous items when they have nothing on their own shows a true immaturity that doesn't bode well for a marriage no matter what physical age they are. The likelihood is that they will learn some tough lessons at the School of Hard Knocks and they will grow up.

 

FWIW, I, too would still get them something they requested. That's family.

 

:iagree: I agree with the bolded part. I think that if you choose to marry at a young age like that and your not already financially well off (or have helpful financially well off parents), then you must be very mature and ready for making important financial decisions.

[Gratia271]

I do think it is poor judgement, but I also think it is poor judgement to marry at such a very young age. That is my personal opinion. Obviously, for others, YMMV.

 

Their choice to request frivolous items when they have nothing on their own shows a true immaturity that doesn't bode well for a marriage no matter what physical age they are. The likelihood is that they will learn some tough lessons at the School of Hard Knocks and they will grow up.

 

FWIW, I, too would still get them something they requested. That's family.

This.

[Mejane]

Thanks for all the replies. I do think they are young to marry, but I think this shows their immaturity. Anyhow, it's good to know I'm not totally nuts. ;)

 

I understand wanting to have a memorable honeymoon and all that, but this just feels... I don't know, squicky to me. $50 for a 60-minute massage on the beach - does anyone really need that? Especially an 18yo? :001_huh: I could buy them a really nice set of dishes with that money.

 

To answer some questions: no, they do not have a bunch of money saved or things purchased, and as far as where they will live, I'm not sure. As I said, neither set of parents is well-off or has a large home, but of course they could be planning to stay with one of them.

 

I think I will just write them a check and let them decide how they want to squander it... I mean spend it. :D

[Murphy101]

I think that if you choose to marry at a young age like that and your not already financially well off (or have helpful financially well off parents), then you must be very mature and ready for making important financial decisions.

 

:lol: oh good grief, I only now about 3 people in their 30s that mature and ready!

 

I don't care what the couple does. I'd get them whatever gift I felt useful in my budget. If they like it - great. If not, well they can return it for cash or something more their style/need.

 

Getting an apartment and buying some dishes is not a high level thinking skill nor does it take some high level of maturity to manage it.

 

Maturity and budgeting ability is not based on living location or who else lives at the same location.

 

The young couple could be complete immature idiots. I don't know them, so I don't know. But even if they are, idiots prove Darwin wrong every day by somehow managing to survive, some even thrive. *shrugs*

[tex-mex]

Sounds like poor planning and judgment on many levels. I'd keep my mouth shut too, but yikes.

:iagree: What can you do, honestly? It is like the old saying, "Youth -- it is wasted on the young." ;)

[5kidsforME]

They registered for stuff that most wouldn't. We are all seeing it differently. We all have our own opinion, that we are entitled to. I personally could not purposefully pay for their massages etc. for their honeymoon. I would either buy something for them within my budget that I felt would be useful or give them money. They can then turn around and use said money however they want, ie: massages on honeymoon. :D

 

I don't care. We were all young and dumb once. Give the gift that you would normally give and don't worry about how they use it or don't. It's not your problem.

[Brilliant]

Am I the only one thinking of April & Andy? :D

[kalanamak]

 

What say you? I will, of course, buy them what they ask for and keep my big mouth shut. Just wondering if I'm totally off-base for thinking this shows really poor judgment on their part.

 

Hmmm. I'd get them some decent pots and pan and a personal finance book. Their problem is that they believe the lives they see on TV.

[Murphy101]

I don't think their registry is all that weird. Not MY inclination, but I'm a penny pinching practical kind of gal.;)

 

I have received iwedding invitations from couple closer to my age like that.

 

If they have both lived on their own the last 15 years before getting married - it's unlikely they need another crock pot or toaster or any of the other more practical starting out items.

 

I don't think anyone needs a massage or cruise, regardless of age.

 

The point of a wedding gift is the same as any other gift - to give. If you want to, then do. If you don't, then don't. But buying a toaster they don't need or want is just as useless. There isn't some morally higher ground embedded in the toaster.:confused:

[Parrothead]

I think the purpose of the wedding registry has been lost. The registry is for suggestions, not demanded gifts.

 

A gift giver is perfectly within his right to give whatever he sees fit. There is no rule that says one must give from within the registry choices. Wedding etiquette says if one receives a wedding invitation one should send a gift - not that one should send a gift from the registry.

 

This young couple can suggest all the on-cruise massages and facials they want, no one has to purchase these as a wedding gift.

[cathmom]

It's their honeymoon! Can't they massage each other for free?!?!?!

[Nakia]

It's their honeymoon! Can't they massage each other for free?!?!?!

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

[Murphy101]

I think the purpose of the wedding registry has been lost. The registry is for suggestions, not demanded gifts.

 

A gift giver is perfectly within his right to give whatever he sees fit. There is no rule that says one must give from within the registry choices. Wedding etiquette says if one receives a wedding invitation one should send a gift - not that one should send a gift from the registry.

 

This young couple can suggest all the on-cruise massages and facials they want, no one has to purchase these as a wedding gift.

 

 

I agree. My previous post was directed more to what appears to be a vibe of being morally superior by giving a more practical gift. I cooed be entirely wrong about that under current.

 

It's their honeymoon! Can't they massage each other for free?!?!?!

 

Well I don't know...

They have lived with their parents all this time and are low income, so maybe they have not matured enough to figure out how to do that on their own yet?;):tongue_smilie::D

[Mejane]

I agree. My previous post was directed more to what appears to be a vibe of being morally superior by giving a more practical gift. I cooed be entirely wrong about that under current.

 

 

 

 

No moral superiority here. Just 'auntly' concern for two young whipper-snappers who don't seem to have a clue. ;)

[Amy Jo]

I also wish DH and I had taken a real honeymoon. We married right after I had started a new job and could not take time off. I wanted to splurge on a weekend in Vegas for us for our 10th anniversary, but I now have a 7 days/week paper route to make ends meet.

 

I'd probably split the difference - perhaps a little for the honeymoon and a little for something practical?

 

And I wouldn't assume they asked for / heeded their parents' advice on where to register. At least they both have jobs!

[meggie]

I haven't read all the replies, but here's what we do: We have been known to buy The Total Money Makeover for people and write in them with our "We love you" message, that way they can't be returned. It's not like we necessarily have cause to think they'll be foolish with their money, but it's the best non-religious book for helping a marriage that we've ever seen. Honestly, once DH and I got on the same page about money, it was much easier to work through any problems. We figure it can only help any marriage, it won't ever hurt one.

[KidsHappen]

I just want to say that I didn't have a wedding or a honeymoon and I currently have very few dishes. I probably will not live long enough for any kind of trip but I certainly hope to live long enough to get a new set of dishes. Memories last a lifetime while material things never last. I would be thrilled to contribute to something someone could remember fondly 50 years from now as opposed to dishes that may be broken and gone in just a few years. JMHO. YMMV.