Janice in NJ Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 Hi, I'm interested on how parents of teens divide up the parenting and life responsibilities. I'm not talking about the homeschooling part of it. I'm curious about how others divide up the parenting. (NOT the homeschooling - the parenting. Think about the things you would be doing to parent kids if they were in public school...) Who handles oversight of kid's chores? Who has the final say on what extra curricular activities each child will have? And then who gets them there and helps the child learn to manage those activities so the kid can be a part of them? Who teaches the kids about money management? Time management? Who handles bad attitudes? Who sits down with the kids to discuss life goals and careers? And then who sits with the child to remind them about those discussions and have healthy discussions about how much effort they are putting forth to MEET those goals. (Again a fine line here...... but imagine your kids were in public school and they said they want to do well and go to college. Which of you would have regular discussion with them about that and then follow up to make sure the child is making progress toward those goals? "You say you want to do ______, but you are earning a C+ average in school. What are you going to change so you can accomplish what you want to accomplish?" That kind of thing.) Which parent works with the child to brainstorm meaningful ways to spend summers in order to present a well-rounded student to selective colleges? How do you divide up the household stuff: Home Maintenance? Shopping? Major purchases and weekly errands? Cooking? Cleaning? Laundry? Yard Work? Car Care? Appliance Maintenance: Furnace filters, drier vent, defrost freezer, vac. coils on the fridge so it can breathe.... Financial Stuff: Who handles the budgeting and writes the checks? Who does the banking? Who handles household paperwork? Who handles long-term financial planning? Anything more you can think of? I'm curious about how couples with teens divide up these kinds of things. I'm the MOST interested in the teen-interaction stuff, but figured insight into how couple handle the house stuff might offer up a more balanced picture of the division of duties in your home and marriage. Thanks for your inout, Janice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 (edited) Hi, I'm interested on how parents of teens divide up the parenting and life responsibilities. I'm not talking about the homeschooling part of it. I'm curious about how others divide up the parenting. (NOT the homeschooling - the parenting. Think about the things you would be doing to parent kids if they were in public school...) Who handles oversight of kid's chores? Who has the final say on what extra curricular activities each child will have? And then who gets them there and helps the child learn to manage those activities so the kid can be a part of them? Who teaches the kids about money management? Time management? Who handles bad attitudes? Who sits down with the kids to discuss life goals and careers? And then who sits with the child to remind them about those discussions and have healthy discussions about how much effort they are putting forth to MEET those goals. (Again a fine line here...... but imagine your kids were in public school and they said they want to do well and go to college. Which of you would have regular discussion with them about that and then follow up to make sure the child is making progress toward those goals? "You say you want to do ______, but you are earning a C+ average in school. What are you going to change so you can accomplish what you want to accomplish?" That kind of thing.) Which parent works with the child to brainstorm meaningful ways to spend summers in order to present a well-rounded student to selective colleges? Whichever parent is around does these things. I'm around more, so I do more. There's nothing here that husband wouldn't do, however, if it came up when he was around. We often discuss things too before coming to a joint decision. How do you divide up the household stuff: Home Maintenance? Both Shopping? Major purchases and weekly errands? I do Cooking? Mostly I Cleaning? I Laundry? Mostly I Yard Work? Both Car Care? Both Appliance Maintenance: Furnace filters, drier vent, defrost freezer, vac. coils on the fridge so it can breathe.... I Financial Stuff: Who handles the budgeting and writes the checks? Both Who does the banking? Husband Who handles household paperwork? I Who handles long-term financial planning? Husband does the spreadsheet; we discuss the plans. Anything more you can think of? I'm curious about how couples with teens divide up these kinds of things. I'm the MOST interested in the teen-interaction stuff, but figured insight into how couple handle the house stuff might offer up a more balanced picture of the division of duties in your home and marriage. Thanks for your inout, Janice Laura Edited April 28, 2011 by Laura Corin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janice in NJ Posted April 28, 2011 Author Share Posted April 28, 2011 Laura, Thanks. Regarding this: Who handles oversight of kid's chores? Who has the final say on what extra curricular activities each child will have? And then who gets them there and helps the child learn to manage those activities so the kid can be a part of them? Who teaches the kids about money management? Time management? Who handles bad attitudes? Who sits down with the kids to discuss life goals and careers? And then who sits with the child to remind them about those discussions and have healthy discussions about how much effort they are putting forth to MEET those goals. (Again a fine line here...... but imagine your kids were in public school and they said they want to do well and go to college. Which of you would have regular discussion with them about that and then follow up to make sure the child is making progress toward those goals? "You say you want to do ______, but you are earning a C+ average in school. What are you going to change so you can accomplish what you want to accomplish?" That kind of thing.) Which parent works with the child to brainstorm meaningful ways to spend summers in order to present a well-rounded student to selective colleges? You said: Whichever parent is around does these things. I'm around more, so I do more. There's nothing here that husband wouldn't do, however, if it came up when he was around. We often discuss things too before coming to a joint decision. Maybe I should have been clearer in what I was asking. I too would probably give this answer at first. I guess what I'm asking is a bit deeper. Which of you - you or you dh - holds the primary responsibility here? Who starts the discussion when things aren't going well? Who follows up with the joint decisions most often? If it is shared, can you estimate percentages on who shares most of the responsibility or who spends more time handling the day-to-day/week-to-week with these responsibilities. I'm really curious about where the buck stops with most couples. Who is in charge and who helps? (And what does that help look like?) For example, I generally cook. Dh immediately jumps up to clean up. I would say that I cook 95% of the time and he handles to bulk of the clean up 95% of the time. That doesn't mean I don't help with the dishes. I do. And he makes an unbelievable plate o' Mexican food. KWIM? Thanks, Janice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloridaLisa Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 (edited) Hi,Who handles oversight of kid's chores? I do. Who has the final say on what extra curricular activities each child will have? We negotiate. I usually go for more, hubs adds reality. And then who gets them there and helps the child learn to manage those activities so the kid can be a part of them? I do. Who teaches the kids about money management? both Time management? Who handles bad attitudes? I do. Who sits down with the kids to discuss life goals and careers? definitely both. I and my kids need dh in on these discussions. And then who sits with the child to remind them about those discussions and have healthy discussions about how much effort they are putting forth to MEET those goals. [snip] I do the day-to-day. If there is an ongoing problem, dh steps in with oversight and accountability.Which parent works with the child to brainstorm meaningful ways to spend summers in order to present a well-rounded student to selective colleges? I do. How do you divide up the household stuff: Home Maintenance? Cleaning - me 100% with dc helping); fixing - dh nearly 100% unless needs repairman Shopping? Major purchases and weekly errands? I do. Cooking? Cleaning? Laundry? I do; dd helps with laundry. Yard Work? dh and boys primarily Car Care? both Appliance Maintenance: Furnace filters, drier vent, defrost freezer, vac. coils on the fridge so it can breathe.... We have to do this stuff? :tongue_smilie: Dh and I. Financial Stuff: Who handles the budgeting and writes the checks? Who does the banking? Dh Who handles household paperwork? I do. Who handles long-term financial planning? Both; we have financial dates every so often. :001_smile: Dh is type A. He does the banking, monthly bill pay, takes care of two rental houses and his elderly mother's finances. He has A LOT on his plate right now. His job is very demanding and he travels extensively throughout the week. I handle finances for our household/family spending within our pre-determined budget (which I asked for). I handle the day to day decisions, child training, household. I probably make 95% of the decisions regarding our kids. But dh is essential to setting the vision for and with our teens. When really big issues come up (courting/dating, choice of college, friend issues, major calendar conflicts) dh and I discuss and come to an agreement. Then either I or dh or both will coach that child through the situation. I'm the daily enforcer; dh is pulled in (usually with my boys) when the little roosters need a bigger rooster. While dh is busy setting goals and working them out for his career, I'm doing the same for our family. So I *see* the need for extracurricular, summer opportunities, outside classes, etc. This isn't on dh's radar. But he's happy to oblige or discuss when I bring it up. Dh takes very seriously his role in shaping our boys to become men. He does a lot of fishing, hunting, camping, hiking, archery stuff with them. And the girls get to come along as well. ;) HTH, Lisa Edited April 28, 2011 by FloridaLisa in light of your update post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 (edited) Who handles oversight of kid's chores? dh mostly, unless he is out of town. I'm allergic to dust and sensitive to most cleaners. Who has the final say on what extra curricular activities each child will have? And then who gets them there and helps the child learn to manage those activities so the kid can be a part of them? Depends on the activity. We work together (as in all 3 of us) to plan. If it's in the evening dh will take him. Who teaches the kids about money management?both, we started this when he was very young. We had no money management skills taught to us. Ds is very good with his money. Time management?That would mostly be me. He's not in a lot of activities and at 13 doesn't drive, so I'm usually the one reminding him about stuff. Who handles bad attitudes? Both of us. At times dh has intervened when ds and I are ready for a break from each other. Who sits down with the kids to discuss life goals and careers? And then who sits with the child to remind them about those discussions and have healthy discussions about how much effort they are putting forth to MEET those goals. (Again a fine line here...... but imagine your kids were in public school and they said they want to do well and go to college. Which of you would have regular discussion with them about that and then follow up to make sure the child is making progress toward those goals? Both of us. Dh does just as much as me. Right now it's more setting expectation of those goals. We had several issues to discuss with ds this year and it was an ongoing conversation between all three of us. Dh is more hard nosed about certain things, so often I'll talk to him about something that I need him to discuss with ds. Which parent works with the child to brainstorm meaningful ways to spend summers in order to present a well-rounded student to selective colleges? We're not quite there yet when looking at college stuff, but we both talk about the summer activities. Mainly now it's so he doesn't park himself in his room all summer. :glare: How do you divide up the household stuff: Home Maintenance? ]mostly dh, he's a carpenter. Shopping? ]mostly me. Major purchases and weekly errands? major purchases done together, errands, it depends. Cooking?Mostly me, but dh is the better cook. Cleaning? Mostly the boys. I do pet duty and straightening. Laundry? Mostly me, but dh is not afraid to do his own. Yard Work? dh and ds. I've mowed a yard twice in my life. I play with flower beds, but I also have allergies Car Care?I like to wash my own car, but dh does maintenance. Appliance Maintenance: Furnace filters, drier vent, defrost freezer, vac. coils on the fridge so it can breathe..dh, but ds did change a lightbulb the other day. :D Financial Stuff: Who handles the budgeting and writes the checks?We budget together, but he pays the bills. Who does the banking? Dh does the banking. Who handles household paperwork? Dh will pay the bills and I file them after they're paid. Who handles long-term financial planning?Decisions made together. Anything more you can think of? I'm curious about how couples with teens divide up these kinds of things. I'm the MOST interested in the teen-interaction stuff, but figured insight into how couple handle the house stuff might offer up a more balanced picture of the division of duties in your home and marriage. Thanks for your inout, Janice ]After writing all of this out, I'm fortunate that dh does so much. I get easily stressed and he has allowed me to focus solely on ds's education. We discuss a lot of things together and he will take care of it. We've always been very transparent with ds. Our son knows more about our behind the scenes parenting and life than I ever did about my parents. We've never felt the need to hide our struggles or disagreements from him. By virtue of homeschooling he's around when most of the discussion happens anyway. Dh is also very actively involved with ds because his own father passed away when he was nine. That tragedy has made him a more involved parent. Edited April 28, 2011 by elegantlion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane in NC Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 Given that I do not work for pay, I have taken on more of the domestic tasks as my share of the relationship. That said, going back to the early days of our marriage (before child), it was evident that I was much better at managing not only the day to day finances but our investments. I actually enjoy this stuff. On the money thing though, I keep my husband posted on big picture items. He never bothers to look at the checking registry. Since I decided where my son's money was going to be invested back when we first purchased a mutual fund and some stock for him when he was a preschooler, I have taken it upon myself to educate him on financial matters. Of course, his eyes glaze over in about five seconds whenever I bring the issue to the table. Going back to the day to day stuff, I think that my presence as the homeschool parent led to my dealing with bad attitudes first. One of the tools that we used as a family was the dinner table conversation. This was the place for real world education. We discussed work place dynamics, management decisions, current events, and stink pot attitudes. After eating, of course. This was probably easier to do for us because we only have one child. Parents of several who have extra-curriculars hither and yon may not have this luxury. I love to cook (usually) and given my husband's long hours and stressful job, I often shove him out the door with his camera after dinner. (Back when my son was home, he and Dad would walk together.) But I have given Sunday to my husband as his cooking day. He enjoys cooking but it seems to take more thought and more pots and pans than I use unless he is grilling. When our son was home for spring break, I had him help me with window washing and I put him to work in the yard. He will do things but he needs encouragement to take the first step. About yard work: that used to be more my chore, but my husband has developed a passion for it in recent years. No protests from me! General errands: that is usually me. I tend to dedicate a day for a library run, groceries, assorted stuff. But my husband also will stop by the grocery or drug store to pick something up on his way home from work. He usually calls to ask if we need anything. Jane P.S. I hate cleaning toilets and folding laundry. My husband knows this and does these things to keep me happy. What a nice guy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelaNYC Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 Who handles oversight of kid's chores? Who has the final say on what extra curricular activities each child will have? BOTH And then who gets them there and helps the child learn to manage those activities so the kid can be a part of them? Who teaches the kids about money management? Time management? Who handles bad attitudes? Who sits down with the kids to discuss life goals and careers? And then who sits with the child to remind them about those discussions and have healthy discussions about how much effort they are putting forth to MEET those goals. (Again a fine line here...... but imagine your kids were in public school and they said they want to do well and go to college. Which of you would have regular discussion with them about that and then follow up to make sure the child is making progress toward those goals? "You say you want to do ______, but you are earning a C+ average in school. What are you going to change so you can accomplish what you want to accomplish?" That kind of thing.) Which parent works with the child to brainstorm meaningful ways to spend summers in order to present a well-rounded student to selective colleges? ALL OF THE ABOVE IS SHARED EQUALLY BETWEEN DH AND ME. How do you divide up the household stuff: Home Maintenance? BOTH Shopping? Major purchases and weekly errands? BOTH Cooking? DH Cleaning? ME Laundry? BOTH Yard Work? BOTH Car Care? BOTH Appliance Maintenance: Furnace filters, drier vent, defrost freezer, vac. coils on the fridge so it can breathe.... BOTH Financial Stuff: Who handles the budgeting and writes the checks? ME Who does the banking? ME Who handles household paperwork? ME Who handles long-term financial planning? ME Anything more you can think of? I'm curious about how couples with teens divide up these kinds of things. I'm the MOST interested in the teen-interaction stuff, but figured insight into how couple handle the house stuff might offer up a more balanced picture of the division of duties in your home and marriage. We just fell into a nice balance of who generally does what. I don't see any kind of set division of duties. Just about everything is shared between us, always discussed, and we tend to agree on almost everything (which probably sounds weird, lol). I do the cleaning and handle finances because I'm just better at it. Dh cooks because he's better at it. As far as the kids, not much has changed from when the girls were younger. They go out a lot more, but most things are still the same. We do expect a little more from them though, as far as keeping their things in order, being responsible with school & work, and making smart decisions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 I work part time, DH works full time, so I am around more and deal with more of the day-to-day stuff: getting kids to activities, dealing with meals, reminding them of household chores. We have a rather traditional division of household labor: I do the daily stuff (shopping, cooking, cleaning), he does the maintenance stuff. He does our long time financial planning, discusses it with me. Most bills are set up to be paid electronically; I write checks for kid related activities. We both do yard work. Big stuff, we divide: we BOTH teach them about money (we discuss family finances with the kids; even though DH deals with most of our money issues, I am aware of what he does and could take over). We both teach them about time management, responsibility etc. We have the "big" discussions about careers and life goals etc while we are out hiking together as a family. Walking for a few hours without distractions is the perfect place to have all kinds of discussions. Dealing with attitude- the parent who is encountering the attitude. If the kids are rude to DH, HE deals - if they are rude to me, I do. We have rules for DD and back each other up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 (edited) When our first child was born and I stopped working, my husband said that I was responsible for the children, he was responsible for supporting us, and we would both deal with the chores. Chores: The house chores generally fall into traditional lines. We never really talked about it. We just did them that way because it was more comfortable. Laundry and dishes are easier to manage when you have a toddler than mowing the lawn. I'm fluff-headed, so he manages the money. Besides, he makes it so we both figured he should deal with it. I have a say in any big decisions. When I began homeschooling, he started having to help me more with the inside chores. When it was at its most time-consuming, I would say that he handled the outside chores and about half the inside ones. I dealt with the laundry, bathrooms, the weekday lunches and suppers, and picking up. He dealt with breakfast, his own lunch, the weekend meals, and the vacuuming. He has always washed a batch or two of dishes a day. We do the shopping together. When the youngest started to go to community college, I began being able to pick up more of the house chores again, which is good because he is working extra hours to help with the three college tuitions. Children: My husband always lent a hand with the babies and children and teens, but I was responsible for them and I did most of the work, except when I was pregnant and bedridden. He has been awsome about backing me up. He has say in any major decisions and has been awsome about actually giving input : ), not just saying, "Whatever you think is best, dear!" like some of my friends' husbands. When the children became older teenagers, we discovered that he needed to be more involved in the daily decisions, those awful, blind, possibly life-threatening ones like whether they can go here with this person or do that with that person. Those take so much energy, and the constant battle to reinforce the practical manifestations of one's family values and enforce them takes even more. Teenagers are exhausting and I found I had to share the load a bit. I found that I badly needed not to always be the bad guy. It had been fine when I was little and there were so many opportunities to be the good guy that the occasional bad guy appearences weren't a problem, but two out of my three older teenagers went through a period when there wasn't much pleasant that I could do for them and we were left with them only needing me to do the negative things. At that point, my husband rearranged his job so that he was home more and could do his share. I was extremely grateful. He was never one of those remote fathers, so he could step in and help without it being noticable. The rules our teenagers have are the ones we grew up with (we knew each other as teenagers), and we don't really have consequences or anything like that, so that makes it all very easy. The one place that I have found him to be less than helpful is in homeschooling. He doesn't know what "a good job on blank" looks like so he isn't very effective. He could learn, but he doesn't really have the energy. I know I didn't answer any of your specific questions, but maybe I told you what you want to know anyway? If not, I 'll try to explain further. -Nan ETA: I just read your response to Laura. In case it wasn't clear: My husband teaches them about finances. We both talk to them about the consequences of their actions, although often it is I who instigate it by telling him what is up and asking him to talk to them as well. We seldom both sit down to talk to them both at once, I think because we are a family who usually does whatever will most save face. Even if we both are present, like in the car (our usual conversation spot), one usually pretends he isn't there if it is a personal and not general discussion. I decide what extra-curricular activities the boys are going to do, and I drive them, even if it is in the evening, although occasionally my husband will volunteer to go pick them up. If it involves a long drive (>1hr) in the dark, we both usually go because it is a nice chance to spend time together. Nobody has assigned chores. We each just ask them to do things to help us and they do them. If they procrastinate endlessly, one of us will ask the other one to ask them to do it. We each back the other one up. Because we come from almost identical backgrounds, we don't really talk all that much about how we are going to do the ordinary things. We only talk about the unusual things that crop up - hurricanes, car crashes, etc.. We all spend massive amounts of time together in small places, so we are a pretty well-coordinated family when it comes to daily life. Edited April 28, 2011 by Nan in Mass Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 Who handles oversight of kid's chores? Depends. Often there is no "oversight" involved at all, we trust them they did it and do not ask about it unless we notice it is not done. In periods when we have a maid she is supposed to check they did their part too and NOT do it instead of them. I am aware of the fact she "helps" them sometimes, but I am silent about it, being that in those periods I do very little myself too. Who has the final say on what extra curricular activities each child will have? And then who gets them there and helps the child learn to manage those activities so the kid can be a part of them? All combinations possible: kids themselves (if possible), I or DH if around, they go with somebody else (sometimes) or if somebody is working for us at the moment, I can ask them to drop / pick kids somewhere as a part of their errands. Who teaches the kids about money management? Mostly DH, though they sometimes sit with both of us when we do family budgeting. Time management? We do not "teach" that, that is learned simply by living. Who handles bad attitudes? Whoever is around. From time to time each one of us "potspones" the reaction and later asks the other one to discuss a particular issue with the kid, but mostly, who they interact with, they address it. Who sits down with the kids to discuss life goals and careers? And then who sits with the child to remind them about those discussions and have healthy discussions about how much effort they are putting forth to MEET those goals. Both of us. Middle DD "clicks" better with dad, while the eldest DD "clicks" better with me, so they mostly get more attention from the parent they "click" with regarding those issues, but we both want to be involved in both of their lives. Sometimes even both of us sit with one kid. Which parent works with the child to brainstorm meaningful ways to spend summers in order to present a well-rounded student to selective colleges? We do not do that. Our children are expected to come to US with their ideas, not we to THEM, if they have non-standard ideas. We often travel together, but they also travel without us too. Home Maintenance? DH is in charge, either by doing it himself or organizing whatever needs to be done by other people. Shopping? Major purchases and weekly errands? Major purchases and big stuff, mostly together, but sometimes DH goes out to get it himself (or with DC). Daily stuff and small errands, either maid or we bribe DC into doing it, as I usually cannot be bothered. Cooking? All possibilities: me, DC, maid, DH, going out to eat. Most of the time I and the kids do it, while DH helps in the weekends or when he is more free. Cleaning? I / DC / maid. DH minimally, at least during the week. I organize who does what and have the last word about that. Laundry? I / DC / maid. Yard Work? No yard. Car Care? DH. Appliance Maintenance: Furnace filters, drier vent, defrost freezer, vac. coils on the fridge so it can breathe.... DH / maid / DH organizing it to be done by somebody else. Who handles the budgeting and writes the checks? Together / depends. Often DH. Who does the banking? DH most of the time. Who handles household paperwork? DH. Who handles long-term financial planning? DH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in MN Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 (edited) I think over the last 28 years of marriage, we have basically sorted out who is "better" at each job and distributed them accordingly. My dh knows more about cars, is more physically able to do yardwork & pull out the appliances to clean them, easily lugs around a vacuum, fixes the roof, and -- yes -- is a better cook :) So he fell into those roles. I think shopping is also best done by the person who is most experienced about what things should cost, what things are out there, etc. That used to be my job when dh was working full-time, but now that he's disabled, he's become the expert (at the groceries anyways) & I don't consider myself good at that job any more -- though I will take a list and do my best. Another factor, though, is probably who's more "interested." Dh thinks buying expensive appliances or vehicles is cool, and he's interested in our retirement accounts, so he's ended up dong those sorts of things. I'm more interested in getting stains out of clothes, organizing, budgeting, contacting folks if there is an error on a bill (tho sometimes they work better with men & dh is good at dealing with the people if I tell him the issues), and smaller things like that. I think men in general tend to like big picture & women are more detail-oriented? Men see the room is vacuumed; women notice various things still out of place. Although I know that varies widely. As for child-rearing, I think because my dh was working more than I, I had more time at home and child-rearing became sort-of my "work." And I was all for that. I had spent more of my childhood and college years thinking and preparing for parenthood than he had. So I guess it was a combo of who's better at it and who's more interested. Dh has always stepped in when he saw a more "big picture" issue that he wanted dealt with in a certain way, or wanted to share a certain skill or experience, and he's stepped in when I was about to go insane :tongue_smilie: I probably would have liked him to take on more, but I'm not sure that he felt it was his best area? I like how we've had separate jobs. Interestingly, when dh became disabled and was home all day, it really annoyed me that he thought he could just step in & do some of the jobs I'd been doing. It wasn't that I didn't want help -- I did! But it was more like me stepping into his workplace and thinking that I could just do everything he was doing, without training. I don't think he'd appreciate that, either :) So assigned jobs are also a sort-of respect for the other person's skill, I think? Julie Edited April 28, 2011 by Julie in MN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 Me for all except yard work and job. I get occasional help cleaning, and dh picks up things at the store on the way home from work since I let ds use my car to go to local college (so I am without a car a lot). My dh is type b, and would be a c if that existed.... I am the force behind getting anything accomplished, although I am not a strong type a. It is a lot. Am I happy with it..... depends. I would like more help, insight offered, etc. but it isn't there, so I deal with it. I do like things done correctly, although I could handle a different approach if it worked. I don't like to discuss it with dh, it just ends up in a fight, and then I get less done. Just a fact of life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8filltheheart Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 Laura, Thanks. Regarding this: Who handles oversight of kid's chores? Who has the final say on what extra curricular activities each child will have? And then who gets them there and helps the child learn to manage those activities so the kid can be a part of them? Who teaches the kids about money management? Time management? Who handles bad attitudes? Who sits down with the kids to discuss life goals and careers? And then who sits with the child to remind them about those discussions and have healthy discussions about how much effort they are putting forth to MEET those goals. (Again a fine line here...... but imagine your kids were in public school and they said they want to do well and go to college. Which of you would have regular discussion with them about that and then follow up to make sure the child is making progress toward those goals? "You say you want to do ______, but you are earning a C+ average in school. What are you going to change so you can accomplish what you want to accomplish?" That kind of thing.) Which parent works with the child to brainstorm meaningful ways to spend summers in order to present a well-rounded student to selective colleges? You said: Whichever parent is around does these things. I'm around more, so I do more. There's nothing here that husband wouldn't do, however, if it came up when he was around. We often discuss things too before coming to a joint decision. Maybe I should have been clearer in what I was asking. I too would probably give this answer at first. I guess what I'm asking is a bit deeper. Which of you - you or you dh - holds the primary responsibility here? Who starts the discussion when things aren't going well? Who follows up with the joint decisions most often? If it is shared, can you estimate percentages on who shares most of the responsibility or who spends more time handling the day-to-day/week-to-week with these responsibilities. I'm really curious about where the buck stops with most couples. Who is in charge and who helps? (And what does that help look like?) For example, I generally cook. Dh immediately jumps up to clean up. I would say that I cook 95% of the time and he handles to bulk of the clean up 95% of the time. That doesn't mean I don't help with the dishes. I do. And he makes an unbelievable plate o' Mexican food. KWIM? Thanks, Janice I can't answer your question the way it is actually asked. I have to admit that my older kids step up to the plate a lot w/being asked or expected to. We sort of automatically function as a family unit......not mom and dad dictating who is going to do what when in regards to household stuff. The exception would be with our Aspie and the 9 and 5 yr olds. They never "just do." They are asked. The other exception would be with yard work. That is dh's territory (that and the garage.) He does orchestrate those jobs. Financially, I pay all the bills and create the budget. Long term investments in stocks, etc are his area. As far as parenting itself.....whoever deals with it, deals with it. If they need reinforcements, the other one steps in to help.;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 Laura, Thanks. You said: Whichever parent is around does these things. I'm around more, so I do more. There's nothing here that husband wouldn't do, however, if it came up when he was around. We often discuss things too before coming to a joint decision. Maybe I should have been clearer in what I was asking. I too would probably give this answer at first. I guess what I'm asking is a bit deeper. Which of you - you or you dh - holds the primary responsibility here? Who starts the discussion when things aren't going well? Who follows up with the joint decisions most often? If it is shared, can you estimate percentages on who shares most of the responsibility or who spends more time handling the day-to-day/week-to-week with these responsibilities. I'm really curious about where the buck stops with most couples. Who is in charge and who helps? (And what does that help look like?) I make most of the decisions, but we both follow up, depending on whether we are there. So, for example, I might decide that Calvin needed to tidy his room on Sunday. If I wasn't around, husband would follow through. As I am around more, I am also more likely to notice an issue, but I think all of this is directly proportional to the amount of child contact we have. There's not much more to it than that. Big decisions we work out together. For example, after a parent teacher meeting recently, we realised that Calvin needed to be doing more work to fulfil his own goals. On the way home we discussed this, agreed to talk to him the next day, and talked through how to approach it in order that Calvin would see that issue in the desired light. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
distancia Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 (edited) Me for all except yard work and job... My dh is type b, and would be a c if that existed.... I am the force behind getting anything accomplished, although I am not a strong type a. It is a lot. Am I happy with it..... depends. I would like more help, insight offered, etc. but it isn't there, so I deal with it. I do like things done correctly, although I could handle a different approach if it worked. I don't like to discuss it with dh, it just ends up in a fight, and then I get less done. Just a fact of life. Geez, same here. Can we share a hug? :grouphug: I do everything except: banking, cleaning the household appliances (a/c, pool filter, under the refrigerator, etc). Husband does all that. BTW, he's retired, 64 years old. It makes me very, very sad that hubby has no rapport with our daughter, 18, and doesn't really do anything more than say "hello" to her. It's as if she's just a guest in our house--and this is his natural daughter! He has another, older dd, 30, from a previous marriage (she's now on her own) and he treats her the same way. Stilted conversations with both children, since they were born. He's like that with all women: polite and very stiff. We've been to countless therapy sessions about it and husband listens and nods, chimes in every now and then, but nothing changes. Yet I count my blessings, because we are extremely fortunate in that neither of us has to work a real job, haven't had to in ten years. But there are tradeoffs, and as you can see, nothing is perfect. Edited April 28, 2011 by distancia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 In our case, I carry the majority of the day-to-day load because DH is disabled and has limited stamina and mobility. So I'm the driver, social secretary, financial planner, errand-runner, houshold manager, mower, etc. etc. and delegate where I can. Someone has to take the vehicles in for service, call the bank, pick up the mulch, take the kids to practice, buy the birthday gifts, listen to the emotional teenager, etc. etc., and 95% of the time it is me. It just isn't possible for me to be gone a lot in the evening and weekends either. People can ask, but I say "no" a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 Hi, I'm interested on how parents of teens divide up the parenting and life responsibilities. I'm not talking about the homeschooling part of it. I'm curious about how others divide up the parenting. (NOT the homeschooling - the parenting. Think about the things you would be doing to parent kids if they were in public school...) Who handles oversight of kid's chores? I do. Who has the final say on what extra curricular activities each child will have? And then who gets them there and helps the child learn to manage those activities so the kid can be a part of them? Mostly me, but dh does pick-up a couple of times a week. Who teaches the kids about money management? Both of us. Time management? Both of us. Who handles bad attitudes? I do unless it continues, then dh gets involved. Who sits down with the kids to discuss life goals and careers? And then who sits with the child to remind them about those discussions and have healthy discussions about how much effort they are putting forth to MEET those goals. (Again a fine line here...... but imagine your kids were in public school and they said they want to do well and go to college. Which of you would have regular discussion with them about that and then follow up to make sure the child is making progress toward those goals? "You say you want to do ______, but you are earning a C+ average in school. What are you going to change so you can accomplish what you want to accomplish?" That kind of thing.) Mostly me, but dh some as well. Which parent works with the child to brainstorm meaningful ways to spend summers in order to present a well-rounded student to selective colleges? I do. How do you divide up the household stuff: Home Maintenance? Dh Shopping? Major purchases and weekly errands? Major purchases together, weekly errands are all me. Cooking? Me Cleaning? Me Laundry? Me Yard Work? Dh and ds Car Care? Dh Appliance Maintenance: Furnace filters, drier vent, defrost freezer, vac. coils on the fridge so it can breathe.... Dh Financial Stuff: Who handles the budgeting and writes the checks? Budget together, he writes the checks. Who does the banking? Dh Who handles household paperwork? Dh Who handles long-term financial planning? We do it together. Anything more you can think of? I'm curious about how couples with teens divide up these kinds of things. I'm the MOST interested in the teen-interaction stuff, but figured insight into how couple handle the house stuff might offer up a more balanced picture of the division of duties in your home and marriage. Thanks for your inout, Janice The day-to-day issues with the kids mostly falls on me. Dh helps me hold them accountable for follow-through and gets involved when issues do not resolve. He's the heavy. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Hi, I'm interested on how parents of teens divide up the parenting and life responsibilities. I'm not talking about the homeschooling part of it. I'm curious about how others divide up the parenting. (NOT the homeschooling - the parenting. Think about the things you would be doing to parent kids if they were in public school...) Who handles oversight of kid's chores? This really varies depending on who is home and is not busy. Chores are checked in the evening and dh pays on Sunday. Thursday nights are heavy chore nights so I just reminded the kids to get started. Who has the final say on what extra curricular activities each child will have? This is a joint decision, but it has to get past budget approval with dh. And then who gets them there and helps the child learn to manage those activities so the kid can be a part of them? I am typically in charge of getting them there during the weekdays. Dh drove Saturday morning practice and when they all swam at different times, he did the later evening pick-ups because I had already been there probably at least twice. He usually handles the longer drives on the weekends. Who teaches the kids about money management? Neither one of us is doing this as well as we would like to. We have workbooks and accounts and are supposed to meet on Sunday evenings when allowances get paid, but Mom does not like this plan because the last thing I feel like doing on Sunday evening is teaching.:tongue_smilie: Time management? Thanks, Janice. Just point out all our weak spots. Dh handles school time management with older kids in ps. I get very crabby explaining for the 100th time that school comes before TV and that geometry packets should be done earlier than the night before the final. Who handles bad attitudes? Whoever has the most patience and cool at that moment in time and it truly varies. Who sits down with the kids to discuss life goals and careers? And then who sits with the child to remind them about those discussions and have healthy discussions about how much effort they are putting forth to MEET those goals. (Again a fine line here...... but imagine your kids were in public school and they said they want to do well and go to college. Which of you would have regular discussion with them about that and then follow up to make sure the child is making progress toward those goals? "You say you want to do ______, but you are earning a C+ average in school. What are you going to change so you can accomplish what you want to accomplish?" That kind of thing.) Dh discusses; I nag. Which parent works with the child to brainstorm meaningful ways to spend summers in order to present a well-rounded student to selective colleges? We are just now getting to this point. Will you work? If not, where will you volunteer? Who needs driver's training and life guarding class? Summer is a time for life skills training that gets neglected in the school year. Summer is primarily my department How do you divide up the household stuff: Home Maintenance? Dh primarily, but I am in charge of interior painting and I have hung sheetrock. Shopping? Major purchases and weekly errands? Major purchases are made together; errands depend on who needs the item. Dh takes his suits to the cleaners. I take kids to the swim shop for gear. Dh actually takes kids clothes shopping as my patience wears thin. Cooking? I am responsible, but hate cooking. Dh is a better chef and I will happily clean up. Actually, I don't hate cooking so much as having to think of something for dinner. Dh now shops on Monday night and gives me a basic plan. It is better that way and never, never, never ask me what is for dinner. Cleaning? Weekly cleaning is done in bits on a daily basis by all members of the family. I am in charge of the deep cleaning. Laundry? DD does her own. Staff Sargent will be trained this summer. Otherwise, I do a load a day. Dh is perfectly competent with laundry and could do it if need be. Yard Work? This has really shifted. We primarily have a flower garden in the front yard and I used to do most of the work. Now, dh even plants my pots on the deck. A lot changed with the advent of home schooling. Car Care? Dh washes the cars and takes them to a friend for brake work. Garage appointments are done by whoever happens to be going that way. Appliance Maintenance: Furnace filters, drier vent, defrost freezer, vac. coils on the fridge so it can breathe....Dh does most of these. Some of you are probably wondering what I do. Financial Stuff: Who handles the budgeting and writes the checks? Dh does all of this now. I turned it over after 15 years when we started homeschooling. Who does the banking? Dh, but it's minimal because everything is automated. Who handles household paperwork? I handle the rest of the dog and pony show for the most part. Who handles long-term financial planning? Both of us. Anything more you can think of? I'm curious about how couples with teens divide up these kinds of things. I'm the MOST interested in the teen-interaction stuff, but figured insight into how couple handle the house stuff might offer up a more balanced picture of the division of duties in your home and marriage. Thanks for your inout, Janice I don't know if you really got a picture of the teen interaction in our house. Dh travels in odd spurts where he will travel intensely and then be home. When he travels, it is usually for at least a week and the kingdom is all mine. One of the most difficult parts of parenting at this age for me is needing to remind dh that I have been on duty for 24/7 after he has been traveling and that I need a break. When dd was at her most critically ill point, the worst crises would occur while dh was traveling and dd would need to be with me at all times except when I was in the bathroom. We have a pretty good give and take dance going on here and for the most part it works. I married a good man and it is time like this with teens that I am glad I had the brilliant foresight to do so.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 I like how we've had separate jobs. Interestingly, when dh became disabled and was home all day, it really annoyed me that he thought he could just step in & do some of the jobs I'd been doing. It wasn't that I didn't want help -- I did! But it was more like me stepping into his workplace and thinking that I could just do everything he was doing, without training. I don't think he'd appreciate that, either :) So assigned jobs are also a sort-of respect for the other person's skill, I think? Julie Julie, I thought this was a really interesting comment. When my parents and their friends reached retirement age, this was one of the biggest complaints the women had. My dad, who had only ever handled the yardwork was suddenly an expert on the most efficient way to organize the house, even though my mother had forty years' experience on him.:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Who handles oversight of kid's chores? I assign. We both oversee. Who has the final say on what extra curricular activities each child will have? The budget And then who gets them there and helps the child learn to manage those activities so the kid can be a part of them? Mostly me if it is during dh's work hours. Otherwise whoever feels most like taking them. Not sure what you mean by 'manage'. We take them. Remind them to practice. That's about it. We are very hands off of extracurriculars. Who teaches the kids about money management? Time management? Who handles bad attitudes? Who sits down with the kids to discuss life goals and careers? And then who sits with the child to remind them about those discussions and have healthy discussions about how much effort they are putting forth to MEET those goals? Both of us. Which parent works with the child to brainstorm meaningful ways to spend summers in order to present a well-rounded student to selective colleges? Err.. Neither of us. If it is worth doing, it is worth doing regardless of college opinions. Besides, we tend to school/live year round. How do you divide up the household stuff: Home Maintenance? Both of us. Depends what it is. Shopping? Major purchases and weekly errands? I make the list. Dh does most of the shopping. I HATE shopping. Cooking? Kids, tho if it is a new recipe dh or I might supervise. Cleaning? Laundry? Yard Work? Kids. Dh and I clean up after ourselves and baby. Kids have chores. Car Care? Appliance Maintenance: Furnace filters, drier vent, defrost freezer, vac. coils on the fridge so it can breathe.... We have a service that comes out spring and fall to service a/c and furnaces/fireplace. The rest we will spend a weekend once a year doing together. Financial Stuff: Who handles the budgeting and writes the checks? Who does the banking? Who handles household paperwork? Who handles long-term financial planning? Both of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Julie, I thought this was a really interesting comment. When my parents and their friends reached retirement age, this was one of the biggest complaints the women had. My dad, who had only ever handled the yardwork was suddenly an expert on the most efficient way to organize the house, even though my mother had forty years' experience on him.:001_huh: :lol: Several years ago dh started working from home. Then again he was home a lot more when he was unemployed. Yeahhhhh. He learned a whole new perspective for what I do and got a reality check on his own opinion of how it should be done.:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Geez, same here. Can we share a hug? :grouphug: Sure!! :grouphug: Maybe your dh can give mine banking lessons. And taxes, I can't stand the taxes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Hi, Who handles oversight of kid's chores?-Both Who has the final say on what extra curricular activities each child will have? And then who gets them there and helps the child learn to manage those activities so the kid can be a part of them? Both Who teaches the kids about money management?Both Time management?Both Who handles bad attitudes?Both Who sits down with the kids to discuss life goals and careers? And then who sits with the child to remind them about those discussions and have healthy discussions about how much effort they are putting forth to MEET those goals. (Again a fine line here...... but imagine your kids were in public school and they said they want to do well and go to college. Which of you would have regular discussion with them about that and then follow up to make sure the child is making progress toward those goals? "You say you want to do ______, but you are earning a C+ average in school. What are you going to change so you can accomplish what you want to accomplish?" That kind of thing.)Both Which parent works with the child to brainstorm meaningful ways to spend summers in order to present a well-rounded student to selective colleges?Both How do you divide up the household stuff: Home Maintenance?Both Shopping? Major purchases and weekly errands?Both-dh does more grocery shopping than I do./COLOR] Cooking? Both, but mostly me Cleaning?Mostly the kids and I, but dh helps Laundry?Me Yard Work?Both, but mostly the kids and dh Car Care?Dh Appliance Maintenance: Furnace filters, drier vent, defrost freezer, vac. coils on the fridge so it can breathe....Dh Financial Stuff: Who handles the budgeting and writes the checks?Dh Who does the banking?Dh Who handles household paperwork?Mostly me Who handles long-term financial planning?Dh, but discusses it all with me Anything more you can think of? I'm curious about how couples with teens divide up these kinds of things. I'm the MOST interested in the teen-interaction stuff, but figured insight into how couple handle the house stuff might offer up a more balanced picture of the division of duties in your home and marriage. We have the kids do as much of the cleaning/participating/yard work/etc. as possible. Thanks for your inout, Janice Here is ours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Interestingly, when dh became disabled and was home all day, it really annoyed me that he thought he could just step in & do some of the jobs I'd been doing. It wasn't that I didn't want help -- I did! But it was more like me stepping into his workplace and thinking that I could just do everything he was doing, without training. I don't think he'd appreciate that, either :) Julie Yes, we've had this off and on, and it is indeed a routine-breaker and the level of distraction is always much higher. I never can get as much school done as I'd like, and many normal chores go by the wayside. I finally learned to require certain hours for school and let the rest just happen. Thankfully the last period when we had this was mostly in the summer, so the academic impact was minimal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MicheleinMN Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Hi, I'm interested on how parents of teens divide up the parenting and life responsibilities. I'm not talking about the homeschooling part of it.* I'm curious about how others divide up the parenting. (NOT the homeschooling - the parenting. Think about the things you would be doing to parent kids if they were in public school...) Who handles oversight of kid's chores? Usually me, but only because I am home more. I have asked dh to police the childrens'/teens' rooms, but it never lasts long. Who has the final say on what extra curricular activities each child will have? And then who gets them there and helps the child learn to manage those activities so the kid can be a part of them? We usually decide this together, but the parent who has to commit more time has more say. Who teaches the kids about money management? Probably me. I am the one who requires a certain amount of money be saved, and I am the one to teach them how to run a checkbook, but dh definitely teaches money management by example. Time management? Again I do, but usually feel like I am failing on a daily basis. Who handles bad attitudes? Depends. If the bad attitude involves our 14 yo son, I try to have dh deal with him. I now also try to have dh make most of the decisions regarding this particular teen, as I do not deal well with handling ds in most regards these days. Who sits down with the kids to discuss life goals and careers? And then who sits with the child to remind them about those discussions and have healthy discussions about how much effort they are putting forth to MEET those goals. (Again a fine line here...... but imagine your kids were in public school and they said they want to do well and go to college. Which of you would have regular discussion with them about that and then follow up to make sure the child is making progress toward those goals? "You say you want to do ______, but you are earning a C+ average in school. What are you going to change so you can accomplish what you want to accomplish?" That kind of thing.) Which parent works with the child to brainstorm meaningful ways to spend summers in order to present a well-rounded student to selective colleges? School stuff/grades would fall to me. Life goals is another area where I think dh and I have not done a good job in preparing our children for life after school. I know how to prepare and help an academic child, but I didn't and don't know what to do for a teen with a less academic nature. Though, I do think there have been many conversations between my dh and eldest son while they work on ds's car together. How do you divide up the household stuff: Home Maintenance? Outside or vehicle related - dh Shopping? Major purchases and weekly errands? Usually I do these. Cooking? Me. Cleaning? Depends Laundry? Usually I do it. Yard Work? Dh, but I do mow the yards now. Car Care? Dh - he's a mechanic Appliance Maintenance: Furnace filters, drier vent, defrost freezer, vac. coils on the fridge so it can breathe.... Dh - again, mechanic Financial Stuff: Who handles the budgeting and writes the checks? I do. Who does the banking? Usually I do. Who handles household paperwork? I do. Who handles long-term financial planning? Neither one of us have been very good at this. Anything more you can think of? I've often said that dh is GREAT with babies and small children, but NOT so great with older children and teens. I may not agree with how he parents older children, but I try to remember that they have 2 parents for a reason. Perhaps I've mentioned that parenting our 14 yo son causes me no end of stress, so I am very thankful these days to hand off all those constant and required decisions about what and where to allow him to go to his father. I'm curious about how couples with teens divide up these kinds of things. I'm the MOST interested in the teen-interaction stuff, but figured insight into how couple handle the house stuff might offer up a more balanced picture of the division of duties in your home and marriage. Thanks for your inout, Janice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 (edited) ... Edited December 19, 2012 by ksva Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellers Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 (edited) Who handles oversight of kid's chores? My kids don't have set chores, they help out as needed. I let them keep their bedrooms how they see fit. If their rooms get too messy I will make him or her clean up their room. My oldests (20) has flown the coop. At home, I have one neat freak, one potential hoarder, and my poor son who's room is so tiny he doesn't have any room (or a closet) for his stuff. My red head feeds the horse and mini donkeys as well as her goat and chickens. When we have hogs, my DD #2 is in charge of feeding them. My son is in charge of the household garbage. Who has the final say on what extra curricular activities each child will have? And then who gets them there and helps the child learn to manage those activities so the kid can be a part of them? Me.Who teaches the kids about money management? Me.Time management? N/A I really don't regulate on my kids.Who handles bad attitudes? Me. Who sits down with the kids to discuss life goals and careers? And then who sits with the child to remind them about those discussions and have healthy discussions about how much effort they are putting forth to MEET those goals. (Again a fine line here...... but imagine your kids were in public school and they said they want to do well and go to college. Me. Which of you would have regular discussion with them about that and then follow up to make sure the child is making progress toward those goals? "You say you want to do ______, but you are earning a C+ average in school. What are you going to change so you can accomplish what you want to accomplish?" That kind of thing.) I really don't have these types of conversations with my kids. I keep things positive. If they aren't trying hard enough, I'll tell them so but I won't bring up their grades. I have four kids, only one is homeschooled. I know my kids try their hardest and that is good enough for me. If they had a D or F, I would say something. Which parent works with the child to brainstorm meaningful ways to spend summers in order to present a well-rounded student to selective colleges? If anyone did this it would be me. My kids know CC is the way to go to save money. They have a half sister who will be $100,000 in debt when she graduates and I don't want my children going that route. Ideally, I want all my kids to graduate with ZERO debt. How do you divide up the household stuff:Home Maintenance? Shopping? Major purchases and weekly errands? I plan out a weekly menu and we do shopping as a family on Sundays. My DH is in charge of all repairs but i do small stuff, such as repairing the chicken pens, painting, etc. As long as power tools aren't involved I will fix the problem. Cooking? Me. I cook all meals. Occasionally my husband will BBQ. Cleaning? Me and my housekeeper who comes every other week.Laundry? Me. My DH has never done a load of laundry. Car Care? My husbandAppliance Maintenance: Furnace filters, drier vent, defrost freezer, vac. coils on the fridge so it can breathe.... I defrost freezers. My DH does the rest. Financial Stuff:Who handles the budgeting and writes the checks? Who does the banking? Who handles household paperwork? Who handles long-term financial planning? Me. I just started to involve the kids. Cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and raising the kids are my job. My husband brings home the bacon. The past two years I have built up a full time income from my little websites (the same sites he thought I was crazy to make). My DH loves that I am able to earn money while staying home. Edited May 1, 2011 by Shellers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 The past two years I have built up a full time income from my little websites (the same sites he thought I was crazy to make). My DH loves that I am able to earn money while staying home. Good for you, Shellers! Would you mind sharing more information about your websites? Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in MN Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Julie, I thought this was a really interesting comment. When my parents and their friends reached retirement age, this was one of the biggest complaints the women had. My dad, who had only ever handled the yardwork was suddenly an expert on the most efficient way to organize the house, even though my mother had forty years' experience on him.:001_huh: 'Zactly! Yes, we've had this off and on, and it is indeed a routine-breaker and the level of distraction is always much higher. I never can get as much school done as I'd like, and many normal chores go by the wayside. I finally learned to require certain hours for school and let the rest just happen. Thankfully the last period when we had this was mostly in the summer, so the academic impact was minimal. Nice to know others are sharing the journey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 'Zactly! Nice to know others are sharing the journey. Sometimes I think I'd rather be on a different road, but at this point I really don't know any better.;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Hi, I'm interested on how parents of teens divide up the parenting and life responsibilities. I'm not talking about the homeschooling part of it. I'm curious about how others divide up the parenting. (NOT the homeschooling - the parenting. Think about the things you would be doing to parent kids if they were in public school...) Who handles oversight of kid's chores? me Who has the final say on what extra curricular activities each child will have? And then who gets them there and helps the child learn to manage those activities so the kid can be a part of them? we both do. Dh does no driving to and from, but he will talk to them to find out if it is something they are very interested in and lets them know what family sacrifice may have to occur. Who teaches the kids about money management? both. From the time they get an envelope as a present and know what it is. Time management? me or both of us when he's here Who handles bad attitudes? whoever is here and if I need him to back me up then a phone call is made Who sits down with the kids to discuss life goals and careers? And then who sits with the child to remind them about those discussions and have healthy discussions about how much effort they are putting forth to MEET those goals. (Again a fine line here...... but imagine your kids were in public school and they said they want to do well and go to college. Which of you would have regular discussion with them about that and then follow up to make sure the child is making progress toward those goals? "You say you want to do ______, but you are earning a C+ average in school. What are you going to change so you can accomplish what you want to accomplish?" That kind of thing.) This is not a single conversation in our house-it's constantly going on. Both of us talk about it. is anyone is slacking and my speaking to them has not pulled them back in line, he is then asked to give the pep talk. Which parent works with the child to brainstorm meaningful ways to spend summers in order to present a well-rounded student to selective colleges?both, but as an ongoing conversation. How do you divide up the household stuff: Home Maintenance? I take care of it on a daily basis, he calls the guys he knows for major repairs. Shopping? Major purchases and weekly errands? me, both when something big has to be purchased Cooking? him, cook? :lol: Cleaning? children and me-though he cleans up after himself Laundry? me and children Yard Work? all Car Care? him Appliance Maintenance: Furnace filters, drier vent, defrost freezer, vac. coils on the fridge so it can breathe.... both Financial Stuff: Who handles the budgeting and writes the checks? him with my input Who does the banking? him Who handles household paperwork? him Who handles long-term financial planning? both of us Again, financials are talked about all the time at our house, we choose stocks, we talk about investments, our house as an investment, our children are not excluded. Anything more you can think of? I'm curious about how couples with teens divide up these kinds of things. I'm the MOST interested in the teen-interaction stuff, but figured insight into how couple handle the house stuff might offer up a more balanced picture of the division of duties in your home and marriage. Thanks for your inout, Janice :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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