Dd says she was "desperately bored" when we homeschooled.

[Chris in VA]

She is having a good year at public school, for the most part.

 

I felt sad when she told me how she felt about homeschooling. She's mentioned positive things before, so it's not all negative, but I know she's worried I'll pull her next year, and she doesn't want to come home right now. We've had so much go on at home with ds when we did homeschool that I couldn't do as good a job as I wanted, and she was often bored, tho she did plenty to keep her busy. She's basically an only at home b/c her brothers are so much older.

 

How do I separate my desire to homeschool her because it's fun for ME (I'm a teacher--always will be) from my desire to homeschool her for HER?

 

I don't want her to be unhappy with homeschooling--but part of the reason I want to do it (besides the me part) is that I think I can do a pretty good job academically, AND spare her the social hurt/bullying/neg peer group interaction that comes with public school--esp in middle school.

 

Part of me wants to protect her from what I went thru--and I guess, part of THAT is about not wanting to see her get hurt--so again, that's a mix of "about her" and "about me." The neg peer influence of jr hi and even hi school really got her brother--she's not me, and she's not him, I know, I know...

 

Feeling a little angsty this am. Input appreciated.

[Michelle in AL]

:grouphug:

I can relate!! My dd told me I got on her nerves being with her all day and that she was considering going to school. I cried all night (not really because of what she said, but because some other events had happened and this pushed me over the edge). It took me a day to calm down. I did give dd the choice to go to school or stay home, because I work 2 days/week and I'm going to be going to school full time and 2 semesters will require 240hrs of clinicals. She chose to stay home and go to cc in a yr.

 

You are in a really tough spot because of what your son went through. I think that is a legit consideration, but like you said, she's not him.

 

I would consider my dd's input, especially as they get older. If you do decide to let her stay in, you can always take her out if trouble begins.

 

:grouphug:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I think it is still ultimately up to you. Perhaps you could ask her if there any activities she would like to do...Does she have friends she sees? Perhaps accentuate the positive...

 

I am sure you have done these things. I guess what I am saying is that it is ok to make this choice for her even of she is not quite on board with it. My parents forced me to go to a prep school and in retrospect I am glad they did although I would have loved homeschooling even more.

 

We are moving to the area in the next couple of months so if you ever want to do a field trip let me know:D

:grouphug:

[Chris in VA]

I think it is still ultimately up to you. Perhaps you could ask her if there any activities she would like to do...Does she have friends she sees? Perhaps accentuate the positive...

 

I am sure you have done these things. I guess what I am saying is that it is ok to make this choice for her even of she is not quite on board with it. My parents forced me to go to a prep school and in retrospect I am glad they did although I would have loved homeschooling even more.

 

We are moving to the area in the next couple of months so if you ever want to do a field trip let me know:D

:grouphug:

 

Oh yes, I'd love to do field trips with someone who would handle the driving! :D I'm pretty bad about driving into DC--I've actually never done it alone. Definitely finding support will be important if we go back to hsing.

 

I know it's a parental decision. I still struggle with wanting to please my children--not wanting to feel the discomfort of their disappointment/neg emotions, even when what I decide to give or withhold is best for them. It's a character flaw in me, and one I've really struggled with--almost an overattachment thing. I can see the difference in the relationship with the little girl I babysit--because I'm not overattached, but appropriately attached, I can easily and calmly say no to her or do what's best for her, without internal angst. It's teaching me to apply that to my closer familial relationships.

 

I'm still such a work in progress. :tongue_smilie:

[elegantlion]

Feeling a little angsty this am. Input appreciated.

:grouphug:

 

If you homeschool her based upon her brother's experience will she be resentful?

 

Examining why you want to homeschool this individual child is a good thing. My gut instinct would be to say "fool me once shame on you (the school system), fool me twice shame on me", and yank her out for middle school.

 

My heart would tell me to sit and talk with her. Listen to her side. She has a right to be treated as an individual aside from what happened to her brother. Does that make sense? I'm still working on coffee.

 

I think the academics and atmosphere at the school would weigh my decision. Ultimately I believe the decision should be up to you and dh. However, I would make sure I was making the choice for her, and hopefully not from fear. I don't equate fear with being protective either.

 

If you decide to homeschool I would also revisit the conversation for high school.

[JessieC]

That's tough, but I would really listen to what she is saying and make sure she is on board with decisions about her education. (I don't know your back story.) As long as ps is going OK for her and she wants to go, I would be fine with that and only pull her if there were a lot of negatives piling up. I'd be concerned she'd resent me in the long term for homeschooling against her wishes.

[Starr]

"desperately bored" :lol: Oh Chris the beginnings of raising a growing dd ! You know the drill of bringing a child home this age, the deschooling, fun stuff with Mom and others, and the academics. Pray about it , make your decision and then be positive about it. School now is her only reality. She really can't compare what a home school life will be in the future. There is a lot of stimulation going on at school but is it the best for her? :grouphug:

[JudoMom]

I would talk with her and brainstorm how to homeschool her without her being desperately bored, but I would most likely pull her and homeschool her, at least for middle school. I remember my 5th grade year ending and school was still mostly a pleasant experience. Then 6th grade started (at the Middle School) and I remember sitting in a bathroom stall trying not to cry because I was so confused--I couldn't figure out why many of the other girls had changed over the summer and had become so mean. Middle school can be brutal--protecting her from that isn't a bad thing. :grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

I keep wanting to post and then deleting what I say. I was up sick all night but I'm still torn about what to say!

 

Anyway, my sons entered school half way through 5th grade and in 9th grade. The younger one transitioned easily because he was younger. It was harder on my older son to start out at the high school level. I have huge regrets. Putting them in school changed them, changed our family dynamics, changed our relationships. I want to say PULL HER. But then there's the part where my boys blame so many things on homeschooling. I tried so hard to keep them socially connected but there weren't many groups around at the time and their friends kept moving away! It was HORRIBLE!!! So I do think they resent homeschooling and I think part of them wishes their sisters were in school. The other part of them is glad they are home with me.

 

So I'm torn. I definitely think you need to consider your dd's feelings, but ultimately you are the parent and need to do what's best for her. It looks like she'd be the only one home? If so I'd make sure you keep her very active with friends to avoid the boredom, setting aside at least a day or two each week to have special time with her.

[ChristusG]

It all boils down to *why* you homeschool. We homeschool primarily for reasons based on our faith. Therefore, I do not wan my children exposed to a lot of things in the public school system. Therefore, I would not consider public school, even if my children claimed to be bored. Because frankly, sitting in classroom all day at public school is boring in itself. I'd try to find more "fun" things to do at home.

 

If you are homeschooling because YOU enjoy it and for no other reasons, then you may want to consider allowing your daughter to remain in public school if she likes it.

[Aubrey]

It sounds like you both need a taste of what hs'ing would be like w/out interference. Can you hs a little bit this summer--tell her it's a "dry run" & you *both* need to see what it would really look like?

 

She's getting to an age where I think it's invaluable for her to feel listened to & taken seriously. Whether that means letting her stay in ps, though, or letting her help make the decision to hs, I don't know.

:grouphug:

[Hoggirl]

My ds started at a charter school in January. It has been so hard on ME! *I* miss home schooling him, *I* miss having the camaraderie of other home schooling moms, *I* miss having a flexible schedule, etc. He is thriving. Could I do better academically at home? In some areas, yes; in some areas, no. I am currently feeling very lost and purposeless, and it is HARD. But, overall, this was probably the best decision for our family as a whole. I think ds was more unhappy than he let on while we were home schooling. When asked if he misses anything about home schooling he answered, "The dogs." Now THERE'S a blow to a mama ego! I have still not recovered from being "fired." Dh doesn't like my characterizing it this way, but that's how I feel.

 

Your daughter is younger. Perhaps she hasn't really hit the drama thing at school yet? Though, my understanding is it starts younger and younger. Dh fully supported the decision for ds NOT to go back into school for junior high/middle school. Ds made noises about this before grade 7, but we absolutely said, "No." Maybe she will change her mind if she sees once all the drama/silliness of middle school kicks in.

 

I really have no advice. I just wanted to commiserate with you.

[Chris in VA]

It all boils down to *why* you homeschool. We homeschool primarily for reasons based on our faith. Therefore, I do not wan my children exposed to a lot of things in the public school system. Therefore, I would not consider public school, even if my children claimed to be bored. Because frankly, sitting in classroom all day at public school is boring in itself. I'd try to find more "fun" things to do at home.

 

If you are homeschooling because YOU enjoy it and for no other reasons, then you may want to consider allowing your daughter to remain in public school if she likes it.

 

Thanks so much for your input!

I do hs because of our faith, and for other reasons--originally, it was because she was already reading, I didn't want her in K all day, and I had read Pocketful of Pinecones and thought about her innocence and not wanting it to be "damaged." Some reasons, huh? LOL

 

I bolded the above, because school really isn't boring at all. She is not in the classroom all day,or even at her desk for much of it--She has varied learning experiences--uses a laptop, goes to music/gym/lunch/pe/art/gifted program/viola lesson/recess, has several interesting teachers (and a couple duds! LOL), and has good peer experiences. There's a LOT of variety. She's told me she likes group learning, and I have to say, the projects they've done in her class have been really quite good (and balanced--seems remarkably "fair," not one or two kids doing all the work, which has been MY experience in group work). In short, while not ideal, there's a lot of good stuff going on.

 

And there are negatives, to be sure!! I could list them, but we all know them--

 

Thanks for your response--I have so much to think over.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Oh yes, I'd love to do field trips with someone who would handle the driving! :D I'm pretty bad about driving into DC--I've actually never done it alone. Definitely finding support will be important if we go back to hsing.

 

I know it's a parental decision. I still struggle with wanting to please my children--not wanting to feel the discomfort of their disappointment/neg emotions, even when what I decide to give or withhold is best for them. It's a character flaw in me, and one I've really struggled with--almost an overattachment thing. I can see the difference in the relationship with the little girl I babysit--because I'm not overattached, but appropriately attached, I can easily and calmly say no to her or do what's best for her, without internal angst. It's teaching me to apply that to my closer familial relationships.

 

I'm still such a work in progress. :tongue_smilie:

Unfortunately I can't handle the driving either:tongue_smilie: But we will be 2 blocks from metro station and I can do the metro:D Occasionally dh will be able to handle the driving though. If you can get to a metro we might be good to go:DPM if you like:)

[Chris in VA]

It sounds like you both need a taste of what hs'ing would be like w/out interference. Can you hs a little bit this summer--tell her it's a "dry run" & you *both* need to see what it would really look like?

 

She's getting to an age where I think it's invaluable for her to feel listened to & taken seriously. Whether that means letting her stay in ps, though, or letting her help make the decision to hs, I don't know.

:grouphug:

 

Yes, drama free would be lovely.

I don't want to homeschool this summer, only because she needs the break. She comes home from her day around 3:30 (leaves the house ~ *8:10am), and usually has math and language arts hw that takes roughly 45 min to an hour (sometimes more), plus reading for 20 min (which isn't a chore/homework/unpleasant in any way! :D), plus 30 minutes of piano practice, plus 10 min of viola. Weds nights, there's liturgical dance and dinner at church/Lenten program (but that won't be for long). She will need a summer off.

 

I do need to listen to her. Your prayers are coveted.

 

(How are YOU, btw? Been on my heart.:001_smile:)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Chris, my own 9 1/2 year old daughter tells me that she is desperately bored. She is a high energy high stimulus girl. Dh tells me that is exactly why we need to homeschool her because she will go after stimulating things with no regard for what it is. (Not saying this is what your dd is like). But I have started to change my homeschooling to meet her needs. I use games more, and the computer (again for games and a different way of looking at things) and do more field trips (even nature walks in the neighborhood make her happier). I'm also trying to do more crafts and hands on things. It is hard because my bad health and extreme fatigue right now is my distraction but I can see how she NEEDS these kinds of things in her life. She is at an age where I can get her started on a project sometimes and let her do it but I can't do that all the time. She needs the company as much as the interesting things to do.

[Tabrett]

Thanks so much for your input!

I do hs because of our faith, and for other reasons--originally, it was because she was already reading, I didn't want her in K all day, and I had read Pocketful of Pinecones and thought about her innocence and not wanting it to be "damaged." Some reasons, huh? LOL

 

I bolded the above, because school really isn't boring at all. She is not in the classroom all day,or even at her desk for much of it--She has varied learning experiences--uses a laptop, goes to music/gym/lunch/pe/art/gifted program/viola lesson/recess, has several interesting teachers (and a couple duds! LOL), and has good peer experiences. There's a LOT of variety. She's told me she likes group learning, and I have to say, the projects they've done in her class have been really quite good (and balanced--seems remarkably "fair," not one or two kids doing all the work, which has been MY experience in group work). In short, while not ideal, there's a lot of good stuff going on.

 

And there are negatives, to be sure!! I could list them, but we all know them--

 

Thanks for your response--I have so much to think over.

This sounds like a very good school! I wouldn't pull her out of it if she is thriving.

 

Will she be changing schools next year? If so, she may hate it! Many dc do well in elementary but end up miserable in middle school. I have taught at public elementary, middle and high schools. If I could only choose one level to homeschool, I would choose middle. Dc are so wide in the "mental" age range. You have girls who are interesting in dating and have finished with "puberty", girls who have not reach puberty who still play with dolls, boy that are very young mentally who don't know how to handle girls that are wanting to "date" them, ect...

 

If she is off to middle school next year, you could let her try it but have your hs curriculum in the basket ready to hit the order button if she comes home miserable! She may want to go back to hs'ing after a few days of middle school!

 

My oldest had to go to public school from half of 2nd-5th so I could work. I was blessed to be able to have her home for middle school. She reentered public school in 9th grade. I think having her home the middle school years let her own personality develop with out all the "drama". She was very confident about her walk with God and who she was when she went to public high school! I don't think she would have had good self esteem if she had gone to public middle school.

[Chris in VA]

She'd be at the same school--6th grade is the top of the food chain, I mean, the top of the elementary school, here.

She knows we are definitely bypassing 7th and 8th grade--Dh may be taking a sabbatical then, so we would homeschool that year (not sure when yet). Plus, the whole yucky middle school stuff is not something we want her exposed to--although...Now I just don't know.

 

I do think it'd be easier to pull her at the beginning of 6th so she wouldn't hear so much about the transition (read EXCITEMENT) of Middle School. It's amazing how they talk it up around here.

 

Thanks everyone. Still thinking--I think I need to give it to the Lord now. As usual....<G>

[LibraryLover]

Some kids really are high energy and thrive on the good energy of others. My oldest is this sort of person. He wasn't hs'd, and thankfully he was able to challenge his energy in productive and meaningful ways. His interests are government, religion, writing, theater, music and more. He double majored from the beginning, and has a high GPA. He's graduating soon, and in addition to working on his thesis, he's produced, written, and participated in theater productions this semester, plus applied to multiple graduate schools. He has a part time job during the school years (full in summer), and has been in two college music ensembles. He plays several instruments. I am not sure when he sleeps. He's very much like his father, so I don't worry (too much).

 

High energy doesn't always mean they find trouble. :) Sometimes it means they are positive leaders, movers, and shakers. It's hard to keep these kids away from the action. The challenge is always going to be about guiding them, helping them to understand who they are, and how they can find the action that enriches their lives and does not harm. We've passed the 22 year mark with our oldest, and we've been delighted by his interests and motivation.

 

It's not easy when a child has 50 times the energy we do. :D:tongue_smilie:

Edited April 12, 2011 by LibraryLover

[In The Great White North]

"Desperately bored" at 9 years old? Really?

 

My usual response to "I'm bored" was to assign a task. Haven't heard "I'm bored" in years. :D

 

uses a laptop, goes to music/gym/lunch/pe/art/gifted program/viola lesson/recess,

 

The awesomely accommodating array of activities she has now will probably be severely limited when she hits middle school and has to limit herself to the usual 5-6 classes per day. Middle schools don't usually have "pull out" activities like elementary schools do. She'll be lucky if she gets to keep one of music/gym/PE/art/viola/computers, while being stuck with math, English, social studies, science, and health, and little outside time to persue other activities. Homeschooling is what has allowed dc to follow their interests.

 

Maybe a planning ahead session of her middle school course schedule would be illuminating?

[Jean in Newcastle]

"Desperately bored" at 9 years old? Really?

 

My usual response to "I'm bored" was to assign a task. Haven't heard "I'm bored" in years. :D

 

 

 

The awesomely accommodating array of activities she has now will probably be severely limited when she hits middle school and has to limit herself to the usual 5-6 classes per day. Middle schools don't usually have "pull out" activities like elementary schools do. She'll be lucky if she gets to keep one of music/gym/PE/art/viola/computers, while being stuck with math, English, social studies, science, and health, and little outside time to persue other activities. Homeschooling is what has allowed dc to follow their interests.

 

Maybe a planning ahead session of her middle school course schedule would be illuminating?

 

Bored doesn't mean not having something to do. It means not having something stimulating.

[LibraryLover]

Unless she attends a school that offers music, art, PE, journalism, and other extras. Then you're in trouble. :D So do check first.

 

"Desperately bored" at 9 years old? Really?

 

My usual response to "I'm bored" was to assign a task. Haven't heard "I'm bored" in years. :D

 

 

 

The awesomely accommodating array of activities she has now will probably be severely limited when she hits middle school and has to limit herself to the usual 5-6 classes per day. Middle schools don't usually have "pull out" activities like elementary schools do. She'll be lucky if she gets to keep one of music/gym/PE/art/viola/computers, while being stuck with math, English, social studies, science, and health, and little outside time to persue other activities. Homeschooling is what has allowed dc to follow their interests.

 

Maybe a planning ahead session of her middle school course schedule would be illuminating?

[Brindee]

:grouphug:

 

If you homeschool her based upon her brother's experience will she be resentful?

 

Examining why you want to homeschool this individual child is a good thing. My gut instinct would be to say "fool me once shame on you (the school system), fool me twice shame on me", and yank her out for middle school.

 

My heart would tell me to sit and talk with her. Listen to her side. She has a right to be treated as an individual aside from what happened to her brother. Does that make sense? I'm still working on coffee.

 

I think the academics and atmosphere at the school would weigh my decision. Ultimately I believe the decision should be up to you and dh. However, I would make sure I was making the choice for her, and hopefully not from fear. I don't equate fear with being protective either.

 

If you decide to homeschool I would also revisit the conversation for high school.

 

"desperately bored" :lol: Oh Chris the beginnings of raising a growing dd ! You know the drill of bringing a child home this age, the deschooling, fun stuff with Mom and others, and the academics. Pray about it , make your decision and then be positive about it. School now is her only reality. She really can't compare what a home school life will be in the future. There is a lot of stimulation going on at school but is it the best for her? :grouphug:

 

I would talk with her and brainstorm how to homeschool her without her being desperately bored, but I would most likely pull her and homeschool her, at least for middle school. I remember my 5th grade year ending and school was still mostly a pleasant experience. Then 6th grade started (at the Middle School) and I remember sitting in a bathroom stall trying not to cry because I was so confused--I couldn't figure out why many of the other girls had changed over the summer and had become so mean. Middle school can be brutal--protecting her from that isn't a bad thing. :grouphug:

:iagree: with these ladies!

 

--Middle school can be brutal!

--A good discussion would be great for both of you to see where the other one is coming from!

--The ultimate decision is yours

--My dh is from MD, and when we go visit family there, if we go to DC we take the train! I would NEVER want to drive in DC, based on what we've seen while there!

--The parts I bolded are what I would've said, had they not said them. :001_smile: Good points!

[LibraryLover]

Middle school can be the worst. That seem pretty universal. Even if she is home, she may be more moody, more restless, more quirky. It's such a time of tremendous physical and cognitive growth. Making sure energy needs are met is going to be a challenge no matter if she's at home or at school.

 

I'm coming into this time with my youngest. She has energy levels similar to her Dad and oldest brother. I just am thankful for ballet. :tongue_smilie: It's hours and hours a week, espeically during performance season. I am so glad she found it and loves it. She is also spending a lot of time practicing her music. We need more recital opportunities. :D

 

I am reminded that a tired puppy is a good puppy.

Edited April 12, 2011 by LibraryLover

[katilac]

Do I understand correctly - - the plan is for her to stay home for 7th and 8th? If so, I would probably let *this particular child* make the decision to either stay home or go to school for 6th, for two main reasons.

 

One, she has had a negative homeschooling experience, and her schooling experience sounds quite positive. Because of the drama and the attention focused on her sibling, going to school may well be a happy relief for her at this time. Please note that I am not saying that anything could have or should have been done differently, just that it can be very, very hard on the sibling who isn't a problem, who doesn't need special attention, and so on. When everyone is worried about something at home, that can make for a very oppressive atmosphere. Even if things would be different this time, she may well *need* (psychologically) a longer break in order to come home with a good attitude. And she would not only be missing a school she wants to attend, but she will be missing the "top" year.

 

Two, she will essentially be an only, and it doesn't sound like you have a full frontal assualt planned to avoid the pitfalls of that. Having the extra year to plan could really be valuable.

 

yes, she will be in school to hear the 'hype' about middle school, but knowing that she is to return home can minimize that.

 

If the plan is for her to stay home 7th/8th, I would tell her that right now, and let her know that 6th will be her choice. And let her in on the planning for 7th and 8th! She can scope out groups, activities, and potential curriculum.

[talexand]

Have you thought about part time school? It may be an option even if it isn't advertised as such. This is what we do and we will continue this way during middle school and beyond as long as it keeps working. The kids get time with their friends. They get to learn in a group. Then they get to come home where I can challenge them and fix any holes from school. In elementary school they have not been exposed to bullying (luckily). Its a great school. I have heard that middle school is a rude awakening in many ways for the kids from our school so if its bad then I'll switch to full time homeschool.

[Mary in VA]

I don't remember and haven't read all the posts. Was your dd involved in any outside classes when you were homeschooling or were they all at home? Or a mix?

 

I PMd you.

 

Mary

[Guest sandy_school]

You mentioned "keeping her busy," if she perceived it as busy work, that would be a problem. Have you discussed what "boring" means to her? What may be "fun" at school may have nothing to do with learning.

[Rosie_0801]

If the school can spend a year talking up the joys of middle school, and your dd already knows she isn't going, then you can spend a year of talking up the joys of homeschooled middle school. Once you figure out what they are going to be!

 

What sort of craft groups, volunteer work, short courses etc could you two be joining? She's about the age where being involved in grown up women's things becomes attractive.

 

Rosie