HELP! How to accomodate one vegetarian in a family of meat eaters?

[*********]

Oh goodness...

 

Ok, my dsd was just dropped off here at dad's house by a very annoyed mother. Apparently, they had it out in the middle of the grocery store. :001_huh:

 

Dsd decided when she turned 16 to become a vegetarian. This did not go over well with her mother, to say the least. Mom does things like 'eat what I fix or go hungry' and 'buy your own veggie burgers'. Here at dad's, while we don't *agree* with dsd's decision, I have taken a 'you can't starve, you need to eat a good diet, so even though I don't agree with your decision, I will support you' attitude. I make sure she has veggie burgers, beans, etc. available.

 

Anyway, I think the REAL issue is that dsd's mom doesn't like that dsd has made a decision that she disagrees with. Dsd's mom cannot control what dsd eats, and it makes her mad. But, I figure if I can come up with some ways/ideas to pass along to dsd's mom, maybe it will help smooth things over.

 

I do things like, if I make pasta, I take out some of the sauce before adding meat to it. If I make tacos, I make sure to make both beans and meat. And if I make something like hamburgers or roast, there there's always veggieburger patties in the fridge.

 

Any other ideas you ladies can pass along? Easy ways to adapt a meat eater's meal to vegetarian? Any easy vegetarian meal ideas? (dsd's mom is worried she's not getting enough protien, and that she's eating too may eggs, apparently). Any advice on how to help dsd and her mother get along? Ugh. I feel bad for both of them.

[RahRah]

Encourage eggs, whole milk yogurt (she needs not just the protein, but the fat since she's not eating meat, poultry, etc.), whole milk cheese (real cheese, not processed) and, if she is open to it, fish - fatty fish like salmon. I know vegetarian doesn't include fish - but some folks who have ethical issues with factory farming will consume wild caught fish, so you might want to ask.

 

You could also ask her what she'd like to be eating in the framework of what you'll be making.

 

Two things are important for her health at this age - and both impact her long-term fertility.....getting enough protein and maintaining an adequate level of body fat stores. She can do that and be healthy eating vegetarian if she's paying attention to include the limited animal sources of protein in her diet that vegetarians often do consume. Eggs and dairy are both good sources of essential amino acids (protein) and essentail fatty acids (fat).

[mytwomonkeys]

i am a vegetarian (mostly eat vegan - i like cheese though:D) in a family of carnivores. i do eat morningstar burgers & smartground now & again, but my favorite supplement is beans, mushrooms, etc in place of meat. i am a creature of habit, so i often eat the same things. i always have a green smoothie for breakfast. i like salads for lunch, and for dinner i eat a cooked meal. i think 16 is definitely old enough to make an informed decision about being a vegetarian & i'm sorry her mother doesn't support that. she can help with her own cooking, meal planning etc. does she drink milk? eat eggs? cheese? that obviously makes it much simpler as well. it is very easy to accommodate a vegetarian in my opinion. i eat chili, pasta, veggie burgers, burritos, salads, chinese food, sushi, pizza, etc. pretty much any meal requires small changes to be vegetarian friendly. i would definitely include her in the process though, as it is her choice.

Edited April 8, 2011 by mytwomonkeys

[tuckabella]

DS and I make an awesome veggie lasagna, if we do say so ourselves! I know it is only one meal, but everyone enjoys it (carnivores and vegetarians). I could share if you would like. You don't even have to cook the noodles ahead of time (the part I hated most about lasagna's for a while since I always ripped the heck out of them!). PM me if you want me to come back and post it.

:)

[*********]

She won't eat fish.

 

She does eat eggs, loves beans, eats dairy. She's at a healthy weight. I mean, if she lost 10 pounds, I'd worry. But right now, she's good. 5'4", 130 pounds.

 

I really think the real issue with her mother is that she has made this decision that her mother does not agree with, and her mother is fighting it all the way, instead of letting her grow up a little. While dad and I don't agree with it either, it's not a hill we're willing to die on. Plus, she eats healthy when she's here.

[Sherry in OH]

Teach her to cook. If she can cook 2-3 nutritious meals per week that should (1) lessen the perceived burden on mom, (2) show mom that she is serious about being a vegetarian and is eating a nutritionally sound diet, (3) provide plenty of left-overs for nights when mom makes a non-adaptable meal, (4) possibly convince mom that some vegetarian meals taste good to non-vegetarians.

 

Other ideas - If dsd likes eggs, one or two or even three per day won't hurt her. Encourage her to eat beans. Nut butters are good and inexpensive sources of protein. Cheese is good as long as eaten in moderation. Encourage her to eat healthy foods. It is easy for young vegetarians to fall into the trap of eating excessive amounts of junk food in order to get sufficient calories. (Actually if she is getting enough calories from healthy food, she will be getting plenty of protein.) Pre-fab veggie burgers are expensive. Homemade are better for you.

 

Common vegetarian-friendly foods:

Macaroni and cheese

Baked potato topped with cheese, sour cream, veggie chili, broccoli, etc.

Peanut butter and jelly sandwich

Hummus and pita

Spinach lasagne

other pasta dishes with pesto, cheese sauce, or marinara

Cheese quesadilla and many other Mexican foods

Vegetarian chili (many varieties)

Indian dishes

Avocado rolls and some other sushi

Salad plate

Falafel

Salads

Oatmeal

Any meal where the meat is prepared separately.

 

Edited to add - make finding reasonable alternative meals your dsd's responsibility. There are plenty of recipes online and at the library.

Edited April 8, 2011 by Sherry in OH

[LinRTX]

I always have nuts here for my daughter to put on salad. Nuts do have protein. My 17yo just did this to me so I'm still very much trying to figure it out. It has made my cooking plans so much harder!!

 

Linda

[*********]

Pre-fab veggie burgers are expensive. Homemade are better for you.

 

I never even thought of this! How does one make homemade veggie burgers?

[Sherry in OH]

I never even thought of this! How does one make homemade veggie burgers?

 

Google "veggie burger recipe" select the ones that appeal. :)

 

My not so well written method.

Take one can of chickpeas. Drain. Dump into food processor or blender. Add garlic, parsley and a small amount of cayenne pepper. Chop. Form results into small patties. If necessary add chickpea flour (besan). Place on greased baking tray. Bake 350? oven until browned. Serve in pita with hummus and feta cheese.

 

Veggie dumplings -

Take leftover potatoes and other cooked vegetables.* Mash together. Add cumin, coriander, and any other desired spices. Form into small balls. Bake as above. Then add to a sauce. Good in Indian dishes and as meatball substitutes.

 

You can substitute grated zucchini (raw, well drained) or steamed chopped spinach.

[*********]

Just went to my favorite recipe site, allrecipes.com, and there's a great recipe for veggie burgers. Now I'm excited! Boy I hope I can help her and her mom figure this out...

[kchara]

I agree with teaching her to cook for herself. When I was her age, there were things that my mom cooked that I was opposed to eating. I cooked for myself, our bought my own take out. My mom is SUPER controlling, but if I was doing it on my own, she didn't care. Or at least she knew there was nothing she could say about it.

[*********]

Ladies, I knew you'd help!

 

So, this weekend, I'm going to take her shopping for what we need to make homemade veggie burgers, then I'm gonna make them with her so she knows how to do it at her mom's. I'm also gonna show her how I make refried beans in my slow cooker. Then I'll send her back with some frozen veggie burgers, recipies, and the knowledge of how to cook it herself. Hopefully, that will help.

[Brindee]

As much as people say vegetarians are lacking in protein, it's really not so. There are all sorts of sources for protein, and many people get too much! Here are some thoughts on it: http://vegetarian.about.com/od/healthnutrition/tp/protein.htm

 

Also there are many fat sources as well: http://www.soystache.com/sources_of_fat.htm

 

 

I am just curious as to why everyone is so against her being vegetarian? It's a healthy choice!

 

I've been a vegetarian my whole life. I have eaten meat, but we never had it at home. I've always been healthy and not deprived of vitamins, minerals, protein, fat, etc.! :001_smile:

 

It really isn't that hard to make meals veggie once you get the hang of it. There are soy and tofu that can be used. Quinoa can be used in many different ways. If she eats eggs and cheese, then she is getting plenty of fats and proteins from them, as well as other things, and makes it easier to change things up a bit at mealtimes. When we're at someone's house that has meat as a main dish, we just have the salad and bread and other things. We tell people NOT to change up things for us, we'll get plenty with whatever else is there.

 

If you'd like some ideas, there are some great ones here:http://www.savvyvegetarian.com/

 

Best wishes!

[mommymilkies]

My 10 yo is vegetarian/pescatarian, and I have been on and off my whole life. We try not to eat meat every night, anyway. And my dd will eat fish now, because she had really terrible vitamin deficiencies, so it was a compromise. It is actually really common in vegetarians to be low on iron and protein. Omnivores, too. My dd ended up with angular chelitis that had half her cheek breaking down. So my ultimatum was eat these vitamins, expand your diet, or you're going to get really sick and I might have to start making you eat meat! I was a vegan for awhile, so this killed me to say it, but her health takes precedence to me over her diet choice. I would not do that if it weren't for a health reason.

 

I have found it helps our food budget, really. Not eating as much meat and making vegetable stock pays off. So we already eat things like veggie lasagna, but I make black bean or Boca burgers for her, or eggs, usually, if what we have is not ok. She does like the Quorn products. They are pricey, but we try to avoid soy, so it's worth stocking up once a year when we go to a big city.

 

Also, she does usually make a lot of her veggie choices. She's a really incredible cook, so she enjoys it.

Edited April 8, 2011 by mommymilkies

[Brindee]

Ladies, I knew you'd help!

 

So, this weekend, I'm going to take her shopping for what we need to make homemade veggie burgers, then I'm gonna make them with her so she knows how to do it at her mom's. I'm also gonna show her how I make refried beans in my slow cooker. Then I'll send her back with some frozen veggie burgers, recipies, and the knowledge of how to cook it herself. Hopefully, that will help.

:thumbup: :hurray:

 

Ummmmm, would you mind sharing how you make your refried beans? I have no clue! My mom was not a cook, so we used a lot of canned and boxed stuff. I've moved away from that, but never learned the beans. Either making good beans, OR making refried beans.:blush:

[Brindee]

DS and I make an awesome veggie lasagna, if we do say so ourselves! I know it is only one meal, but everyone enjoys it (carnivores and vegetarians). I could share if you would like. You don't even have to cook the noodles ahead of time (the part I hated most about lasagna's for a while since I always ripped the heck out of them!). PM me if you want me to come back and post it.

:)

I would love this recipe, can you share it here?

[*********]

I know that she's getting enough protien; I just finished a college nutrition class. But her mom is 'worried'. (So she says; I think she just doesn't like that dsd isn't eating what she says to eat).

 

 

And the reason we disagree with her deciding to become a vegetarian has nothing to do with diet/health reasons. We see nothing morally wrong with eating meat, and she does. That's where we differ. But again, I'm not gonna try to force her to change her mind; I just want her to be healthy.

[*********]

:thumbup: :hurray:

 

Ummmmm, would you mind sharing how you make your refried beans? I have no clue! My mom was not a cook, so we used a lot of canned and boxed stuff. I've moved away from that, but never learned the beans. Either making good beans, OR making refried beans.:blush:

 

 

My mom wasn't a cook either, so anything I know I've had to teach myself. Then when dsd threw this vegetarian thing at me, well, I had to learn some more, LOL. Here's a link to the bean recipe.

[dsmama]

I was a vegetarian for a while in college, and my parents weren't thrilled but tried to be supportive. Mom, however, wasn't going to go out of her way to make special things just for me (though she would do as you are doing and hold back noodles/sauce, etc. before adding meat).

 

As I was 20 at the time, mom decided I should be helping more out at home anyway. We bought some veggie cookbooks and she encouraged me to research, participate in home cooking, and take responsibility for cooking for myself since this was my decision, not the whole family's.

 

I appreciate the way she handled it (and the way you seem to be handling it is similar). She was not a short order cook, I became more responsible, and no one starved.

 

Good luck!

[ocelotmom]

I also agree about her learning to cook!

 

Maybe she can do some once a month cooking type activities. Prepare large batches of something, then save most of it frozen as single servings which she can reheat on nights when the dinner isn't something she's willing to eat. She's more likely to eat healthily and diversely if she doesn't have to prepare a separate, single-serving meal every night.

[fairytalemama]

We just converted to vegetarianism in our house. I suggest going to the library and checking out some vegetarian and vegan cookbooks with her to try out some recipes as a family. I found a keeper for vegetarian loaf (it's like meatloaf but without meat) in one of Linda McCartney's cookbooks. The best thing we've tried so far were meatballs (for spaghetti and meatballs) that were made with eggplant from the cookbook Totally Vegetarian. They even got the thumbs up from our 3 year old (and he's super picky!). Another cookbook that's good is The Occasional Vegetarian which has both vegetarian and meat dishes in it.

Vegan Lunchbox is good for lunch menus.

 

In the meantime to get more protein, encourage her to try eating hummus with pita and veggies as a snack. Nuts and nut butter also have protein so she could spread that on a rice cake or a bagel.

[Jayson]

tough situation. Personally I am a vegan in a family of omnivores. It's not impossible.

 

I'm a little concerned about what was said about eating a lot of eggs, though. Probably the girl is responding out fear of "lacking protein". That is by far, the biggest mental hurdle and myth to get over when becoming vegan. I realize she's vegetarian, but one way or the other, whatever her reasons.... I suggest getting the book Eat to Live by Joel Fuhrman. It provides guidelines on how to eat (with or without meat), getting all the protein and B12 one needs from non-animal sources, and dispelling myths.

 

Oh, and if her mind is set about being vegetarian, then I'll offer one other big piece of advice: CAREFUL with carb intake!! bread and crackers are technically "vegetarian", but they also can lead to weight gain. I know some overweight vegetarians, both male and female, who love eating carbs. careful.

 

EDIT: one more thing: it could be fun to use this as an educational opportunity - see how deep the child's interest is - perhaps this decision of hers can lead to interesting studies of agriculture and farming, sustainable living, or at least, a deep dive into nutrition and learning how to quantify things such as caloric and vitamin intake. Maybe this girl has found something that interests her.

Edited April 8, 2011 by Jayson

[Joyofsixreboot]

DD has been a vegetarian since 12 and she just turned 19 yesterday. She mostly eats away now but when she's here and when she was in school she ate what we did minus the meat. I made sure we had peanut and almond butter, eggs and encouraged her to drink milk a couple times/day. I also keep cans of vegetarian soups. It doesn't take any time to microwave a baked potato either. In my dd's case she doesn't like milk, cheese or yogurt or beans, or nuts.....you get the idea. As long as we were having a veggie and a 'starch' with dinner and a pice of fruit she'd just eat that. It really isn't hard to do.

[mytwomonkeys]

my favorite website (vegan but excellent!) is http://www.chooseveg.com

 

i'm a visual learner, so the videos are especially helpful to me!:D (under recipes).

[Ellie]

I think you're doing a fine job. And I think you need to let the dsd work things out in her other family.

[Denisemomof4]

since she eats dairy, there are so many choices for her! Pizza, tortellini, ravioli, veggie burgers, quiche, if she eats eggs. My only suggestion would be that you not make this a hill to die on, you show support for her, but you don't make extra work for yourself. She's more than old enough to make herself her meals if she doesn't want what you're making. I think you're accommodating her very well right now, btw.

 

Maybe have some frozen tortellini/ravioli in the freezer for her, frozen pizza crusts so she can make a pizza anytime, a wealth of veggies on hand for her to make salads, hummus with veggies or crackers for dipping, etc. A favorite of mine is creamy pesto sauce tossed with pasta, chicken and veggies (I use carrots, broccoli and cauliflower) If she likes pesto, have jars of that on hand.

[Brindee]

my favorite website (vegan but excellent!) is www.chooseveg.com

 

i'm a visual learner, so the videos are especially helpful to me!:D (under recipes).

Thank you! My dh and I are heading toward vegan eating*, so I'll be perusing this site.

 

 

 

*(We've been vegetarian, and are now cutting out dairy and things to become vegan)

[Zuzu822]

Just went to my favorite recipe site, allrecipes.com, and there's a great recipe for veggie burgers. Now I'm excited! Boy I hope I can help her and her mom figure this out...

 

Would you share which one you like? I'm always looking for more veggie recipes. Thanks!

 

I'd love the lasagna recipe mentioned too. :)

[Teachin'Mine]

Teach her to cook. If she can cook 2-3 nutritious meals per week that should (1) lessen the perceived burden on mom, (2) show mom that she is serious about being a vegetarian and is eating a nutritionally sound diet, (3) provide plenty of left-overs for nights when mom makes a non-adaptable meal, (4) possibly convince mom that some vegetarian meals taste good to non-vegetarians.

 

Other ideas - If dsd likes eggs, one or two or even three per day won't hurt her. Encourage her to eat beans. Nut butters are good and inexpensive sources of protein. Cheese is good as long as eaten in moderation. Encourage her to eat healthy foods. It is easy for young vegetarians to fall into the trap of eating excessive amounts of junk food in order to get sufficient calories. (Actually if she is getting enough calories from healthy food, she will be getting plenty of protein.) Pre-fab veggie burgers are expensive. Homemade are better for you.

 

Common vegetarian-friendly foods:

Macaroni and cheese

Baked potato topped with cheese, sour cream, veggie chili, broccoli, etc.

Peanut butter and jelly sandwich

Hummus and pita

Spinach lasagne

other pasta dishes with pesto, cheese sauce, or marinara

Cheese quesadilla and many other Mexican foods

Vegetarian chili (many varieties)

Indian dishes

Avocado rolls and some other sushi

Salad plate

Falafel

Salads

Oatmeal

Any meal where the meat is prepared separately.

 

Edited to add - make finding reasonable alternative meals your dsd's responsibility. There are plenty of recipes online and at the library.

 

:iagree: At 16 she can handle the extra cooking herself mostly.

 

What it sounds like they need is information. The mother is ignorant about vegetarianism - a little information about how it's healthier rather than harmful goes a long way. And her dd needs to learn about nutrition so she can show her mother how she's getting adequate protein and other essentials.

 

If her mother can tell her what she'll be making for dinner, then dd can prepare what she needs to supplement what's available. Might also help if she offers to make dinner for everyone sometimes too. :)

[OrganicAnn]

Also instead of assuming that she isn't getting enough protein, because she is not eating meat. Get the information about how much protein she really needs. My DD decided she didn't want to eat meat. We are vegetarian about 5 days a week anyway. I was surprised how little it took to get enough protein. I found some website that had it listed by weight. You need some many grams per pound of weight.

 

Also find out differences like swiss cheese is supposed to have more protein than other types of cheeses.

[ondreeuh]

Well, I just switched to cooking mostly vegetarian. I have several dishes with beans and lentils as the main protein that I got off allrecipes. It's healthier for all of us. Lentil Quiche, Black Beans with Quinoa, Vegetable Chili, "Taco Pie" made with beans, Veggie/Cheese Stuffed Pasta, Spinach Enchiladas, Veggie Fajitas ...

 

When I cook meat with dinner, dd either just eats the sides or cooks up something quick for herself. I don't make two dinners.

[Peela]

ANd just a gentle suggestion- you might find it interesting and creative to try some vegetarian recipes yourself and eat a meatless meal once in a while. Vegetarian meals can be tasty and satisfying.

[Tammyla]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Check out some vegetarian cookbooks and try some new recipes.

 

ANd just a gentle suggestion- you might find it interesting and creative to try some vegetarian recipes yourself and eat a meatless meal once in a while. Vegetarian meals can be tasty and satisfying.

[Linda1951]

It is not all Salads., It can be but better to have some dairy also.

breakfast, omelet with veggies

a smoothie

 

Snack fruit or fruit bars that are real fruit.

yogurt.

 

lunch and dinner

my DD loves burritos, salads with different ingredients.

beans and rice

baked potatoes and salad

soups veggie

 

there are books out there on amazon for kids that are vegeterian so that they can make it themselves.

[susankenny]

As much as people say vegetarians are lacking in protein, it's really not so. There are all sorts of sources for protein, and many people get too much!

 

Absolutely.:iagree:

[ocelotmom]

ANd just a gentle suggestion- you might find it interesting and creative to try some vegetarian recipes yourself and eat a meatless meal once in a while. Vegetarian meals can be tasty and satisfying.

:iagree:

 

Not in the vegetarian camp myself, but I think it's still very beneficial to learn to appreciate vegetarian cooking and not be stuck in the "must have meat" mindset.

[NatYoung17]

i am a vegetarian (mostly eat vegan - i like cheese though:D) in a family of carnivores. i do eat morningstar burgers & smartground now & again, but my favorite supplement is beans, mushrooms, etc in place of meat. i am a creature of habit, so i often eat the same things. i always have a green smoothie for breakfast. i like salads for lunch, and for dinner i eat a cooked meal. i think 16 is definitely old enough to make an informed decision about being a vegetarian & i'm sorry her mother doesn't support that. she can help with her own cooking, meal planning etc. does she drink milk? eat eggs? cheese? that obviously makes it much simpler as well. it is very easy to accommodate a vegetarian in my opinion. i eat chili, pasta, veggie burgers, burritos, salads, chinese food, sushi, pizza, etc. pretty much any meal requires small changes to be vegetarian friendly. i would definitely include her in the process though, as it is her choice.

:iagree: I became vegetarian when i was 16 and haven't looked back (I'm 37 now). My husband and ds (3) both eat meat, my dd (6) decided 2 years ago to be like mom and she is also vegetarian. I mostly make meals were the meat part is separate from the other foods ( like a starch, plus veggies plus burger/steak/chicken for the boys and do a lot of "soymeat" for us girls...) makes it easier to combine vegetarians & non in one meal . It all depends on what kind of food she likes. Also, I wouldn't be too concerned about the protein, because the American diet is way too protein rich & most people consume 2-3 times more than their bodies need. As long as she eats a lot of different fruits & veggies, whole grains (bread, pasta, brown rice) she will get all the protein she needs. I would not go with whole milk (if she even drinks cow milk, since that's not part of a true vegetarian diet), since all it has is extra saturated fat & nobody really needs that! Most soymilks have added calcium, if that's a concern. Or even calcium fortified OJ, etc...

I wish her all the best ! It seems to me her Mom has mostly a problem with her doing something different than she is doing & maybe feels like your dsd is indirectly telling her (mom) that she is doing it all wrong (= eating meat). Some people get very offended when their children choose a path that's different from how they raised them... hope it all works out for them!

Cudos to you for caring so much & trying to make their lives together better!