MorganClassicalPrep Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 Just because I'm wondering, and I'm not really sure how I feel about it. If you send a child to bed for misbehavior, do you still read to said child? DD was just being a handful all evening. She wanted to turn on music and I told her no. She asked again, I said no. She asked again, I ignored her. Again, I told her to stop asking. Again, I told her if she asked once more she was going to bed. And... dontcha know it, she asked again. I sent her to bed. She's more upset about missing our reading time than she is about going to bed. I guess there's the punishment... but I feel like I've punished myself also. :tongue_smilie:I love our reading time!! Now that I've typed all that out... I guess it would be silly to punish a child with bed, but reward them by reading to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 DH and I sent our two boys their rooms, in their jammies, at about 6:30 tonight, after a "last straw" sort of event, to spend quiet evenings separately. It wasn't a punishment...it was a practical solution. They needed a break from each other and we both needed a break from them. And we all needed a few hours of quiet time this evening. Around 7:30, I read to them, separately, in their own rooms. And I brought each a snack that they liked very much. DS1 actually thanked me for the quiet evening. They were allowed to play or read alone in their rooms, but both chose to tuck in early. I don't think I negated any sort of punishment with the reading and the snacks, because really it wasn't a punishment at all..it was just what we needed to have them do tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kchara Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 If I have to send them to bed early for misbehavior, no, they do not get a story or (in our house) a lullaby. They get to go, put on their pj's, brush their teeth, and get in bed, and that's it, mostly because if I'm sending them to bed early, it's been one of "those" days, and I've had it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 I've sent my kids to bed early because they couldn't behave. I basically told them that they must be tired and so they needed more rest. I don't read to my children any more at night but that would mean they were not allowed to read. If my kiddos were younger, I'd probably stick to our regular bedtime routine because I wouldn't see it as punishment so much as preventative medicine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 I've sent my kids to bed early because they couldn't behave. I basically told them that they must be tired and so they needed more rest. I don't read to my children any more at night but that would mean they were not allowed to read. If my kiddos were younger, I'd probably stick to our regular bedtime routine because I wouldn't see it as punishment so much as preventative medicine. :iagree: I was going to say the same. Ideally punishment doesn't feel like retribution, although I'm sure my kids would fall over if they heard me say that :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 On the rare occasions that we've used going to bed as a punishment, there have been NO stories. But we don't do it often, because I don't want them to associate "bedtime" with "punishment." But there are those times when we've said "you must be really tired if you're acting like that." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorganClassicalPrep Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 Hm. Something to think about. I hated sending her to bed like that, and really *love* our evenings together, but I had had enough. And she wasn't necessarily so worn out she was misbehaving, just flat out being a... well, brat! The trouble here is that she doesn't really HAVE a bedtime. Depending on the day we've had, what the next day will be like, and how tired she is, bedtime can be anywhere between 8 and midnight. When I see that she's getting tired, I tell her to start preparing for bed. So... I send her to bed every night. It's not a punishment. Of course, tonight she understood that it was a punishment (and kept apologizing, and asking me to forgive her. She's so sensitive!) But I really think it was the loss of the next chapters in Matilda and Little Prince and snuggling with Mommy that was felt most acutely. It really was just one of those days. My, um, womanly friend came to visit today. Wouldn't be too bad, except for the fact that she was here for 45 days straight, left for a week, and is now back again. Plus today is my long day of classes, and in between I was making phone calls to doctors and dealing with all sorts of craziness. I had asked DD to *please* give me just a couple minutes of relative quiet to relax... (after we had already been home for awhile and spent some time together.) and of course.... she chooses tonight to act out! :glare: (I did go in the bedroom before she fell asleep and told her that *of course* I loved her, and I did forgive her, but that she was still going to bed because she had disobeyed me after I expressly warned her.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 It sounds like you handled it well. No guilt, no remorse :) Nice job! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samiam Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 Yep, I made my children go to bed early every night for ONE WEEK, immediately after dinner every night. It was after a long week of them squabbling, bickering, fighting, and repeated warnings from me to STOP it, treat each other kinder, etc etc etc. They just kept at it. Then the last straw broke. Along with no TV, no video games, they had to go directly to bed every night after dinner, so about 6:30 p.m for one week. They could not read, or play with toys, nothing. I believe my exact words were "You will go to bed and the only thing you can do is stare at the ceiling and figure out how you can choose to behave better the next day!!" Sad for them, sad for me, but sometimes tough love is what it takes to learn a tough lesson. I have to say, their behaviour did change for the better after that week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarfoot Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 It sounds like you handled it well. No guilt, no remorse :) Nice job! :iagree: I sent DD4 to bed 5 min. early tonight. It killed her to see DS3 still playing when she was headed to her room!;) She still got her stories, though. That wouldn't work for you, since it's just her. I've also cut story time short---2 books instead of three, or a lesser number of pages. She doesn't like that, either, but it's been a good consequence around here at times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 I sent her to bed. She's more upset about missing our reading time than she is about going to bed. I guess there's the punishment... but I feel like I've punished myself also. :tongue_smilie:I love our reading time!! Let me say that I think you handled it well. I just wanted to share the wisdom my mother gave me about parenting and punishment: "Most good punishments are as hard on you [parent] as they are on them [child]." :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 Yes but not so much as punishment but as a way to save them :lol: My rule of thumb is if you are so darned miserable that you can not stop screaming and tantrumming and picking fights and just generally being a bear then obviously you need more sleep, so good night. Usually by then I am ready to tie them to the ceiling fan out of frustration so sending them to bed actually saves them :tongue_smilie: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 Nope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 I don't, in general, believe in unrelated punishment. I have, however, put kids to bed when their continued misbehavior was related to being over-tired. I have also, when they were younger and night time routines were needed, told them that delay, fighting, etc. meant I'd have less time for the reading, back rubs, etc. That seemed related at the time; and it didnt happen often. Nonetheless, now that they are teens, I wish I could have a do-over and never remove bonding/connection as discipline. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 I realize this is 9 months old, but I'll add anyway. :) I read to ds always. Since he goes to bed at a time considered early by most (6:30-7:00) I rarely send him earlier. I never use bed as a punishment, rather as a solution. No matter what time he goes down, he's read to. I don't see it as a reward for bad behavior. I see it as part of our family life. Dd likes to read to herself, but I still kiss her good night, and I view reading as the same thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 We have only sent one of our kids to bed as punishment, but it usually was less of a punishment and more of a need. He always falls asleep within a few minutes of lying down, so he really was tired and acting out. Stories were not an issue, but I guess I would skip stories if asked just to prove my point that bed was the punishment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 If I ever sent a child to bed it was because the misbehavior was probably directly associated with being tired. And the boys always went to sleep right away...which indicated that it was the right course of action. So...it was a punishment in a sense, but in another way it was just recognizing *why* a child might be misbehaving. And sometimes discipline hurts us as much as it hurts the child :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Just because I'm wondering, and I'm not really sure how I feel about it. If you send a child to bed for misbehavior, do you still read to said child? No. It's in bed with lights out. And it *is* sometimes hard on ME... especially if we're reading a book I'm really enjoying... (I've noticed that consequences that must be given out are often hard for me. I'm a softy. I HATE being strict and consistent. Sigh.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Usually by then I am ready to tie them to the ceiling fan out of frustration so sending them to bed actually saves them :tongue_smilie: :lol::lol::lol: This is SO my house! :lol::lol::lol: (We don't have ceiling fans, though, so for me it's "I'm ready to tape you to the wall. What kind of duct tape would you prefer?") Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 We skip reading-both reading aloud and DD having time to read to herself-which about KILLS her. And it's hard on us, too-especially DH, since he gets much less interaction with DD during the day than I do, so really loves reading with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 My children regularly get sent to bed early as a punishment (and preservation from my frayed nerves). ;) When they get sent to bed early, they lose all privileges they would have gotten had they stayed up till bed time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 If one is hysterical from being over-tired, I do send them to bed. I make sure they are fed, clean, and settled. I will read to them even if their behavior was less than ideal during their hysteria. It helps them unwind and go to sleep. Either before or after the reading, depending if they are still awake, I explain why they shouldn't misbehave and do what they did. If they are that tired they need to try to express it better. The going to bed is the punishment, and they know. The "talk" is also the punishment, and they know that too. The reading is the "but I still love you" part, which is also for me. No need to punish myself. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spaceman Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 I sent my oldest to bed an hour early tonight. And yes, I still do the regular bedtime routine. Albeit, sometimes I rush through it, or sometimes I even drag it out (I might drag it out if the child was overtired but not particularly rude). If I send a kid to bed, I don't emphasize it as a punishment, just in a "wow, you can't handle today anymore, let's go to bed and try again tomorrow". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lexi Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 We've done that when our kids were clearly overly tired and cranky. We just calmly told them that they were exhausted and bedtime was early that night. They had to play quietly in their rooms and go to bed. The next day we were glad we did that because they were so much better! Doesn't happen often but sometimes bed tie is the only thing that can solve the horrible grouchy disobedience. It has saved my sanity once or twice too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 No, we don't read to them. It would kind of defeat the purpose as a punishment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velvet Posted February 18, 2023 Share Posted February 18, 2023 Sending your child to "bed" as punishment can backfire, because later on to them "bedtime" feels like a punishment when they've done nothing wrong which will give them mixed signals and trouble sleeping. Kids are not "naughty" because they've decided to be naughty or to spite you - there is usually something else wrong - it could be they are tired, bored, under or over stimulated, something has happened at school, excessive energy, angry, sad or uncomfortable in some way. It would do your relationship a lot better to ask why they are doing something you disagree with, explain you disagree with it and why, tell them how you feel and learn about their behaviour - have they been cooped up indoors all day? What activity could you give them to replace something less annoying/dangerous/destructive which will teach them how to understand and manage their own feelings later on? The great thing about kids is they will copy what you do too, if you know they are tired, but reluctant to sleep, nap or rest, treat it like a game - lie down with them and wait for them to realise they are sleepy. A soothing lavender bath, warm milk, and a story with a soothing voice can help a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 18, 2023 Share Posted February 18, 2023 11 year old zombie thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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