POLL: Money saved for college by family and student...

[Mom22ns]

 

Well, we started saving for each child when they were just a couple of months old. We set up an automatic draft on our account into at first an investment account and then a 529 when those became available. We started out just putting a piddly amount aside each month as dh was in still in school. We gradually increased it as his pay went up. <snip> Anyway, that is how we did it. College is VERY important to our family.

 

:iagree:

That is what we did too. We use education IRAs not 529 plans, but each of our kids has enough saved to pay for a couple of years of college already. If they go to a state school, we should be able to cover all 4 years. This was important to us too. When we got married right after college, we paid of dh's student loans as fast as we could. Since then, we have always lived debt free (except for mortgage) and want our kids to start their adult lives debt free.

[Nan in Mass]

Hugs. I'm sorry. I know this poll is rubbing salt in the wound for some of you. Hopefully, it will help some people by helping them to make realistic plans. A BIG thank you to all those who have come and voted "no savings".

-Nan

[Julie in MN]

I said 5% or less. The 5% part is towards first child. Youngest will have zero saved.

 

We used to save through savings bonds (I was a gov. employee). But when my brother-in-law died at age 30, we gave them to his family.

 

We started up the bonds again, but frankly it didn't really help. If your income is low enough to have a "needs based grant," then anything you have saved just takes away from your "need," penny-for-penny. And in our case, sometimes *more* dollars were taken away -- when ds received scholarships.

 

For oldest, we got a parent student loan the first year, to the tune of $7,000+, then paid some of that off with the savings bonds we had left (you don't have to pay taxes on the interest earned from savings bonds if you use them for school). The costs were way over that loan and we helped out that year but couldn't do any more.

 

After that, ds paid for his own schooling through scholarships, working, Army Reserves, student loans (which he is now paying off -- and he's also contributed some to help pay off our original student loan), and increased offers from the school due to his high standing.

 

I imagine it will be similar for youngest -- we can take out one loan and help with unexpecteds that first year.

 

P.S. I accidentally voted for 5% in the $25,000 per year category, but I think I should have voted for 5% in the under $25,000 per year category. Even as an out-of-state student, I don't think CSM was over $25,000 per year?

Edited March 7, 2011 by Julie in MN

[choirfarm]

But your husband is a surgeon, right, Christine? So even at the beginning of his career he was making more than many husbands will ever make.

 

It's great to save, but if a family is just getting by, they just can't.

 

Believe me, I do understand. We are blessed. However, that said, we had money automatically saved when he was in med school and living on my first year teacher salary. ( didn't have kids then.) We kept track of every single penny and had very little debt. In residency, he didn't make much at all, we saved and lived off of his salary and put all of my teachers salary into saving.. it was part time at first because I had to get certified my first year there. There have been several times we had to live off of savings because my husband had NO salary for several months: first when he started his practice and then when we changed practice. So, I do understand.

 

Also, my grandparents sent all 3 boys to college on 2 teacher's salaries. They had no extras and just believed it was important. To be honest, I don't know how they did it. Now my dad got a full ride to Yale on merit scholarships, but my other two uncles went to TCU. I don't know how.. One is now dean of a business school at a university and the other a University Provost at a university

 

Anyway, they were very, very frugal. This same grandparent helped me finish Baylor when my parents divorced and dad lost his job. He used the money he was going to leave me as an inheritance that was in a cd to pay for my last few semesters that weren't covered by my scholarship At this point he was a retired teacher. He didn't have investments. He just had CD's. He just saved and saved and saved. He was one of 8 children and went to Southwestern university when it was still a conservative Christian university. He payed his own way, worked as a Chemistry assistant ( wrote some lab books when he was there), had a campus job, played football, and worked at Oshmans. I don't know how he slept. I don't know how he saved either as he was just a teacher ( high school algebra and chemistry) and my grandmother was a 3rd grade teacher. Their families were dirt poor in El Campo Texas, so they didn't have family money either. In fact, I think they were the first in their family to go to college. They thought college was very important and passed it on to me I suppose. More of that family culture.

 

Christine

[jld]

Believe me, I do understand. We are blessed. However, that said, we had money automatically saved when he was in med school and living on my first year teacher salary. ( didn't have kids then.) We kept track of every single penny and had very little debt. In residency, he didn't make much at all, we saved and lived off of his salary and put all of my teachers salary into saving.. it was part time at first because I had to get certified my first year there. There have been several times we had to live off of savings because my husband had NO salary for several months: first when he started his practice and then when we changed practice. So, I do understand.

 

Also, my grandparents sent all 3 boys to college on 2 teacher's salaries. They had no extras and just believed it was important. To be honest, I don't know how they did it. Now my dad got a full ride to Yale on merit scholarships, but my other two uncles went to TCU. I don't know how.. One is now dean of a business school at a university and the other a University Provost at a university

 

Anyway, they were very, very frugal. This same grandparent helped me finish Baylor when my parents divorced and dad lost his job. He used the money he was going to leave me as an inheritance that was in a cd to pay for my last few semesters that weren't covered by my scholarship At this point he was a retired teacher. He didn't have investments. He just had CD's. He just saved and saved and saved. He was one of 8 children and went to Southwestern university when it was still a conservative Christian university. He payed his own way, worked as a Chemistry assistant ( wrote some lab books when he was there), had a campus job, played football, and worked at Oshmans. I don't know how he slept. I don't know how he saved either as he was just a teacher ( high school algebra and chemistry) and my grandmother was a 3rd grade teacher. Their families were dirt poor in El Campo Texas, so they didn't have family money either. In fact, I think they were the first in their family to go to college. They thought college was very important and passed it on to me I suppose. More of that family culture.

 

Christine

 

But your dh's parents paid your dh's studies from undergrad through med school, right? So it's not like you started out in the hole and had to work your way out of it, and then pay the regular bills. You could just go right to the regular bills. While it's great that you and your dh are savers, and are from a long line of savers, it may not be possible for everyone.

 

Nevertheless, your commitment to saving is commendable. Saving is truly the way to go!

[CanaryMelody]

But your dh's parents paid your dh's studies from undergrad through med school, right? So it's not like you started out in the hole and had to work your way out of it, and then pay the regular bills. You could just go right to the regular bills. While it's great that you and your dh are savers, and are from a long line of savers, it may not be possible for everyone.

 

Nevertheless, your commitment to saving is commendable. Saving is truly the way to go!

 

 

Thank you for voicing my thoughts. College is VERY important for us as well. My MIL has her PhD. She gained it by working her tail off and paying for it herself. My dad has his Masters. Again, he did it working and paying for it himself. My DH has his Bachelors and is working on his Masters. He did it by working long hours and student loans. I have some college thanks to active duty military service. Everyone in my family has some college education except for my mom. We have that family culture as well... just not the means. If I had the extra money, I'd save. But I feel blessed when we can make it to the next payday with food in our pantry. :001_smile:

[choirfarm]

But your dh's parents paid your dh's studies from undergrad through med school, right? So it's not like you started out in the hole and had to work your way out of it, and then pay the regular bills. You could just go right to the regular bills. While it's great that you and your dh are savers, and are from a long line of savers, it may not be possible for everyone.

 

Nevertheless, your commitment to saving is commendable. Saving is truly the way to go!

 

Oh, I agree. And if you have done everything you can, then prayer does wonders. God can definitely make a way when there is no way. My matron of honor went to Baylor. Her parents had 3 children and had absolutely no way to go. Someone from her church paid her entire way. She still doesn't know who it was!!! My grandfather worked his way through and made it work. If you are supposed to go to college, then God can make a way!!!

 

Christine

[TravelingChris]

I out down 5% or less of more expensive but it was hard to decide how to count. We have GI bill that one or the other will get. That is close to 100% of Total cost of 4 years of college. I didn't count that. Our other savings aren't separated but our children get merit pay and we were able to pay first child's costs other than merit pay and small loan out of income. Next one we will do the same if she goes where she gets enough merit pay or we will use the GI bill. If second goes to a school she uses GI bill, we will take what we would have spent on her and save it to use either for her for graduate school or for her younger sister's school. By that time, dh will be retired from first job, making enough with second job plus retirement to be able to pay whatever we need to. Doesn't mean we will pay 50K but we still expect younger to get merit pay same as her siblings.

[JohannaM]

I also marked the over 50% (but I'm not sure which price category), although our kids are still young (2 & 4), so the money isn't there yet. Like some of the other posters, college is very important to both dh and myself as well as our extended family. We were fortunate enough that our families paid for our undergrad degrees (we contributed what we earned working over the summer) and we want to give our kids that same start in life. When our first was born and we wanted to start saving, our financial planner told us that if inflation for tuition continued at a similar rate, it would be $150k (total) for a state college by 2024! :confused: Yikes! So, I'm not sure we'll get there, but we're trying by saving a little at a time and letting it grow over time. We also will expect our dc to work during the summers/part-time to help.

 

We did not do a 529 for a couple reasons: 1) terrible investment choices & returns 2) if the kid wins a scholarship or doesn't goto college, all that money is locked up in the 529. We just put our money in a Vanguard Stock Market Index Fund to let it grow over the years.

 

My dh and I also have several graduate degrees between us that were paid for in other ways. We cash flowed the first from my salary, while living in government subsidized housing to make ends meet. We also used the continuing education programs at our employers and the GI Bill. If one of my dc had the interest I would encourage them to check out the ROTC program to pay for school.

 

Johanna

[creekland]

(Creekland, thank you for being so open about your story.)

 

-Nan

 

All I can say is if I think about it too much I can cry... but it's only money. Many people go through a lot worse.

 

In hindsight I'd have stuffed the money into a mattress though! (But who's to say the house wouldn't have burned down...)

 

Don't look to us for investing assistance. But I've become reasonably knowledgeable about looking for great colleges with nice merit possibilities. That chapter's not finished yet though. Middle son still has to get in WITH nice aid. Time will tell.

 

And I'm hoping our investments and/or the economy improves by the time youngest applies.

 

Meanwhile, I might go full time at work next year. There might be a long-term math sub position available - so full time without a super long commitment (one year isn't super long, right? I just wish it weren't the year junior will be applying to colleges as I want to see these places with him).

[April in CA]

Thanks for the poll, Nan! My husband and I have been saving $400 a month for each of our guys for several years now (was $500 for a while, but had to cut back a bit a few years ago). With all the economic ups and downs, we are never quite sure what they are going to have! Our original goal was to save enough to cover 75% of a state school education. Given the cost of CA schools (cost of living as well as tuition), we missed that goal. However, we should have enough to cover room and board and travel for our older son who received a 4-year full tuition scholarship from LeTourneau (just down the road from Christine!). I cannot express how profoundly grateful I am for that scholarship! We have stopped contributing to his fund this year because we paid for his first semester room and board out of our own savings. Rather than taking money form his account to repay that money, we are trying (not terribly successfully) to pay ourselves back by paying down our mortgage. Younger son's accounts should have enough to cover 4 years of room and board as well. We are very hopeful that he will follow in older brother's footsteps with merit scholarships. Otherwise, even with years of saving, I really don't see how we could pull off college without debt.

 

Like tithing, saving for college was a decision we made early on, when we didn't have much. There have been many times when I have seen friends with big "toys" or seen the stock market consume substantial portions of our savings (retirement included!) that I have been discouraged; keeping that long-term perspective has been vital. Sometimes being part of the much-squeezed middle class is hard! Several of you have mentioned family culture. I am only one generation away from abject poverty in rural Arkansas, where both my parents grew up. My father dropped out of school and ran away to join the Navy at age 16 (lied about his age). Later, as fireman, he completed high school, got his AA, got his BA in political science, then got his masters in public administration. He and my mother were determined that I would go to college right after high school. College was a when, not an if. Sadly, my parents divorced when I was in college. My mother, now back in AR returned to college in her 40's for her BS and then her MS in social work. I am grateful that my parents valued may and their own education so highly. That is one of the reasons that we chose to homeschool. It is music to my ears when my son tells me he is able to handle the workload in his college courses and looks forward to English Comp 2 as a nice break from math and science because he went to college knowing how to write well.

 

My prayers are with all of us as we seek to meet the need of our families now and plan for future needs at the same time.

Blessings,

April

[Punks in Ontario]

I haven't read all the replies, but how much is saved depends on how old your children are as well. We have two that will be ready to go in about 5 years while the other two will likely be 10 years. We have much more saved for the olders.

[Lori D.]

Nan, since we don't know exactly what DSs are doing for college, other than starting at the local CC for their gen. ed. classes, I can't answer based on a percentage, since we don't know what the final amount will be.

 

HOWEVER, when each DS was born, we started a college IRA for each, and each will have about $15,000 to work with upon high school graduation. After that, it is up to them -- and after watching the Dave Ramsey Foundations in Personal Finance, neither is willing to go into debt for college and run the risk of ending up in a low-paying job due to the current bad economy and not be able to pay it off. So both should easily be able to get a 2-year degree of some sort at the CC with that amount, and then see what they want to do from there...

 

My folks never paid a dime for my college -- I used money I worked for and paid for 1 year of it; the other 4 years were scholarship money. Of course, the local state university at that time when I went only cost $300/semester ($600/semester by the time I graduated) -- now it is almost $5000/semester for the same local state university!!! Sigh...

 

Warmest regards, Lori D.

[Melinda in VT]

My kids have small (around $5K each) accounts set up by the grandparents. These took a beating when the market crashed.

 

DH and I have been putting money in our Roth IRAs, with the idea that we would use them to help the kids with college. We have not yet figured out how we will divide the money among the kids. (Our oldest is a freshman in high school. Then we have twins four years younger and another child six years younger than them.)

 

DH and I have differing opinions on the value of a bachelor's degree at a top-notch school. :tongue_smilie: This has impacted the amount we have saved. I'm guessing he will win this one, and our kids will end up at the state university for their bachelor's degrees. If they don't qualify for scholarships, they might need to live at home. (We're about an hour away.)

 

We will not borrow money to fund their college expenses.

 

I have mixed feelings about this, since my oldest is showing signs of being a candidate for a top-notch school and I'd love to provide the funds for that.

[mamajudy]

I've graduated 3 so far, and they have all gotten full ride scholarships. They have to keep their grades up to keep the scholarships, and this motivates them to do well in their studies. Any incidental expenses, we just pay for.

[Jane in NC]

I've graduated 3 so far, and they have all gotten full ride scholarships. They have to keep their grades up to keep the scholarships, and this motivates them to do well in their studies. Any incidental expenses, we just pay for.

 

Hi Judy,

 

I see that you are new here. Many posters are interested in schools which provide full ride scholarships since not all do. Perhaps you could contribute to this thread.

 

Thanks.

[littlebug42]

I voted greater than 50 percent because my dh works for a public university and for our kids to go there, we only have to pay 25% of the instate tuition. We have a good bit saved now and bu the time they are ready, we will have enough to pay all tuition/fees/books. If they decide not to live at home while attending school, they will have to seek loans etc for that. If they were to get tuition scholarships, we would apply their money to room and board.

[Reya]

We will pay/save for 100% of the first two years. I also expect the kids to have enough credits to be able to graduate easily in 2 years through AP tests, distance courses, community college, etc. And they will live at home during college, as they'll be too young for me to be happy with them in the dorms.

 

When your 8-y-o boy already has a 12-y-o girlfriend, there's no WAY he's staying in the dorms at 14!

 

This is for the kids we currently have. If we get more, then that's subject to their abilities, of course. :-) You never know what you're going to get until you have it!

[bettyandbob]

My dc have known they would get significant help to pay for in state tuition for a university education. We will have 4 years of tuition for ds paid for by buying into state college savings plan. dd will have 2 years from state plan (mistake on our part that we did not buy in earlier). They both have a small inheritance from my grandma to pay for dorm, etc. There is a good university 30-60 minutes away (depending on traffic) so they can also live at home. We will struggle when it comes to the second half of dd's college. We won't mortgage our home though. She is already saving (she's 13) her own pet sitting earnings. She's also a better student and more likely to find, go after, and be awarded scholarships. Ds wants to do ROTC, but due to medical needs I don't think he can do that.

 

If they go over 4 years, they are on their own. And while we encourage looking at graduate degrees (ds 16 already has ideas on this), they are totally on their own. Not a big deal for ds since he's interested PhD work in physics. He knows it's only worth doing if he gets grants from the school. It's a bigger problem for dd as her goal is Vet school.

 

I'm hoping things turn around a bit for dh and I financially before dd gets in college. I doubt it though.

 

Our youngest son has developmental disabilities, we are spending on him now, through therapies, etc.

[Reya]

I am glad this poll was started. I have always wondered how in the world people can afford to send their kids to a 4 year school costing over $30,000 a year.

QUOTE]

 

Many of those schools don't cost nearly so much for most people. I was in the awkward years when I went to college when they would have, so I had to scratch those schools off my list.

 

13 years ago, I got $32k in scholarships, $16k I earned and paid for, and $16k my parents paid for, plus another $1k or so in books. So I made it out debt-free.

[skueppers]

I don't actually know how much we have saved for college at the moment. Somewhere in the neighborhood of $10,000 for each child. We have 12 years until the oldest goes to college, and 7 years until our house is paid for.

 

My husband works at a decent university that will provide free tuition, but we hope to offer our children more choices.

[foxbridgeacademy]

DS has had his college plan figured out for at least a year now (he's 9). He wants to go ROTC, study engineering or Astrophysics, serve in the military and get his Doctorate. After putting in his 20 years he'll go into the private sector and make a "bunch of money". All of this came from him asking questions, he decided on his own. I tell him it's not necessary, but he insists. Of course he's only nine, but is a determined child. If I can convince him to forego the Air Force, we will do 2 years CC then finish at a State college for both DC. We will take out loans either from the gov. (if they're still avail.) or borrow from 401k. Plus they will live at home or pay for their own boarding from summer jobs and such. The rest I hope will come from savings put aside for this purpose.... last years layoff sapped that possability for now. I also expect to be working again when the kids are older and at least 50% of that will go toward educational expenses.

[happyhappyjoyjoy]

Less than five....I paid for my own college education (with no loans) as did my father before me. I don't understand why it is a given attitude that parents pay for college or force kids into debt.

[kalanamak]

Less than five....I paid for my own college education (with no loans) as did my father before me. I don't understand why it is a given attitude that parents pay for college or force kids into debt.

 

 

I don't believe it is given, but after reading your post, I googled minimum wage in 1979 vs. now and my college tuition then and now. I would have worked 103 hours to make a quarter's tuition then, and 240 now. As it was, it took me 5 years to put myself through a rather lowly state college.

 

I don't see any harm in the barely heated places I lived, nor the walking to school, but I was too proud to ask my parents, and lived on brown rice, kidney beans, onions, and "bland cheese" ( a very cheap multicolored mix the food co-op sold) and brewer's yeast. For years. When I finally told my mother she was horrified I'd not had a piece of fruit for 3 years, and sent me fruit money. Personally and professionally, I don't want my son to eat that way when he is still growing. Hence the putting aside.

Edited March 9, 2011 by kalanamak
grammar

[creekland]

Less than five....I paid for my own college education (with no loans) as did my father before me. I don't understand why it is a given attitude that parents pay for college or force kids into debt.

 

I think we've (this group) essentially decided it's a family culture thing. In many families it's just an assumption that the kids will go to college and in others it isn't. I've noticed that many, many people believe "the" answer is what they grew up with.

 

I include myself with that because in my family my boys ARE going to college. Where and for what will be determined for each individual. Two generations ago none of my family went to college, but my grandparents (both sides) are the ones who started the change by insisting that my parents go to college. I expect the "will go to college" attitude will be carried on by my boys for my grandkids. Time will tell. ;)

 

I know we live in an area where not all kids are expected to go to college, esp not a 4 year college. Again, it still seems to depend on family culture for the most part (occasional differences due to ability or lack thereof going both ways).

[Nan in Mass]

We also (the group) figured out that not only are there family cultures where college is expected, family cultures where college is considered a nice extra, and family cultures where college is considered a waste of money; but there are also family cultures where the parents expect to pay for college and are willing to make great sacrifices from the birth of their child onward to do so, family cultures where the parents gladly help out if they have money to spare, and family cultures where it is the responsibility of the student to pay for education. We also determined that college-expected doesn't always go hand in hand with parents-pay; in some families, college-expected goes with student-pays. It took many threads of people questioning people from a different family culture to figure this out. : )

 

It rather makes sense that if your college was paid for by your parents, you will assume that you are responsible for paying for your children's college, and that if you had to pay for your own college, you would assume that this was the student's responsibility, but family culture isn't cast in stone. Family cultures can change. On a homeschooling board, many if not most parents are trying to change their family's educational culture. Only people like SWB, who was homeschooled herself and is now homeschooling her children, are not. That adds confusion to the whole thing. : )

 

-Nan

[Jane in NC]

Less than five....I paid for my own college education (with no loans) as did my father before me. I don't understand why it is a given attitude that parents pay for college or force kids into debt.

 

I grew up in a family that did not have a lot of money. Hence when I attended college, in addition to my academic scholarships, I received financial aid.

 

My husband and I have been quite successful financially (in large part due to our educations). Thus my son does not qualify for financial aid (but has received generous merit aid from a private college).

 

Given that happyhappyjoyjoy has a first grader and younger child, she may not be aware that a parent's income is considered before financial aid is granted with few (and dire) exceptions. Thus I feel it is onerous for financially successful parents to ask their student to pay the entire bill for college. Most high school students that I know are not able to save enough from their minimum wage jobs to pay for college (unless they are attending a community college or less expensive state university and commuting from home). Neither our CC nor the regional university in sort-of commutation distance would help my son achieve his goal. This would not be a solution for him.

 

I am not forcing my child into debt. Nor am I taking on debt. We saved for college and asked our son to help fund his education by earning merit aid.

 

You can disagree with our approach, but as Nan pointed out, there are so many different family cultures. One is not better than another. They are just different.

Edited March 9, 2011 by Jane in NC
clarity

[Nan in Mass]

Happyhappyjoyjoy - I think you will find that most parents here who have children who have taken on debt haven't done any forcing. The prevailing attitude here seems to be that if there is a debt-free way of achieving the student's goals, that way will be taken. The dangers of debt are discussed frequently here and debt isn't taken on lightly. Some of our students do, indeed, have debt, but usually it is because there is no other way for the student to achieve his or her goals (med school, for instance, don't accept CC classes for crucial prereqs) or because the student is going into a field where enough money will be made that it won't be difficult to pay off that debt.

 

It might be a good idea to try to avoid emotionally loaded words like "force". Many people here are still getting used to the idea that there are family cultures that differ from their own. We've had a number of rather acrimonious discussions about methods for paying for college recently and words like that tend to spark them off. : )

 

-Nan

[Jane in NC]

Happyhappyjoyjoy - I think you will find that most parents here who have children who have taken on debt haven't done any forcing. The prevailing attitude here seems to be that if there is a debt-free way of achieving the student's goals, that way will be taken. The dangers of debt are discussed frequently here and debt isn't taken on lightly. Some of our students do, indeed, have debt, but usually it is because there is no other way for the student to achieve his or her goals (med school, for instance, don't accept CC classes for crucial prereqs) or because the student is going into a field where enough money will be made that it won't be difficult to pay off that debt.

 

It might be a good idea to try to avoid emotionally loaded words like "force". Many people here are still getting used to the idea that there are family cultures that differ from their own. We've had a number of rather acrimonious discussions about methods for paying for college recently and words like that tend to spark them off. : )

 

-Nan

 

Thanks for saying this Nan.

 

After I posted, it occurred to me that I should have written that we hope not to take on debt. In the current economy, one never knows. So the goal is for my son to graduate without debt, but Life Happens. I believe that my son's future degree will be his meal ticket--so some debt toward the end goal may not be problematic.

 

This is something we have heard related repeatedly on these boards. A family plans for their child to attend a state university which they can afford--but the student has higher goals that are realized at MIT or Cal Tech. Or a family loses their college fund when the market collapses. Or a parent loses his job or faces health issues. One never knows... Sometimes that bit of debt is an investment in a better future.

 

None of us are advocating large debt, but the amount of debt that a student or family may be comfortable with certainly varies.

[Nan in Mass]

Things happen. I think many people here are not following their original plan for paying for college.

 

As far as debt goes, there are also independent-minded students, ones who don't want to be beholden to their parents or ones who don't want to be a burden to their beloved families or who want to help with their younger siblings.

 

-Nan

[Dmmetler]

Our financial adviser strongly encourages saving for retirement, paying off the house, and other forms of saving/investment, before saving for college, so right now, DD's only college fund is some small amounts put in as baby gifts and by her grandparents/great grandparents. We fully expect to pull from our savings to help her pay for college-but that's not reflected in how our savings are divided right now.

 

My parents wanted me to come up with at least half, which I did via merit aid, and I hope DD can do the same.

[happyhappyjoyjoy]

First of all I never take anything online personally; I can't help it if someone else doesn't like my word 'force'. I see people do it all the time. I see many good Catholic families send their kids to the good 'Catholic' colleges, and they come out with 80,000 in loans. That is not what I want for my children. I also am not taking offense:tongue_smilie: that someone assumed I don't know how aid works. I do. I also come from a family with a lawyer and a Ph.D. My family is very educated and values education.

 

However, my lawyer father gave up his high-paying career to serve the Lord and be with his family more. I would never give up all the jobs I worked to pay for my own private college education for what he did. I obviously think highly of this, because my engineer husband is in the process of leaving behind his high paying career to become a college professor. I am so excited to have him in a career he loves and that will allow more family time I am about to burst. And, we've been using our money to pay down our mortgage, so when we make this transition to much less money we will have no mortgage. My DH just emailed me an article last week on should people pay off their mortgage or save for college. It was interesting.

 

There are so many ways to go through college low cost. Attend CC first. Get loads of AP credit from high school. Don't live in dorms (I never did.) I had a job as a live-in nanny. Work.

 

Most of my friends whose parents footed the bill flunked out and took a long time to finish. I was on the dean's list every semester, because I was shelling out 80% of the tuition.

 

It doesn't bother me that others feel differently, and I don't know why my opinion should bother anyone else. It is just my opinion.:001_smile:

[Jane in NC]

 

It doesn't bother me that others feel differently, and I don't know why my opinion should bother anyone else. It is just my opinion.:001_smile:

 

Your opinion does not bother me at all. I am sorry if I offended you. Clearly you know how financial aid works but not all of the readers do. We regularly see posters ask about students declaring financial independence for the sake of financial aid, unaware that the feds and colleges are more rigid now than formerly. Hence my response which is intended to be educational.

 

I believe that what both Nan and I were reacting to was your comment:

 

I don't understand why it is a given attitude that parents pay for college or force kids into debt.

 

We tried to the best of our ability to explain why some parents might have the attitude that they want to pay or contribute to the cost of their child's education. We are not asking you to pay for your child's education if that is not part of your family culture.

 

 

You wrote:

I also am not taking offense:tongue_smilie:..

 

The emoticon suggests you are taking offense hence I apologize again.

 

Be well,

Jane

[happyhappyjoyjoy]

Your opinion does not bother me at all. I am sorry if I offended you.You didn't. I stated that I never take anything personally online. Clearly you know how financial aid works but not all of the readers do. Yes, I do. I received very little. We regularly see posters ask about students declaring financial independence for the sake of financial aid, unaware that the feds and colleges are more rigid now than formerly. Hence my response which is intended to be educational.

 

I believe that what both Nan and I were reacting to was your comment:

 

 

 

We tried to the best of our ability to explain why some parents might have the attitude that they want to pay or contribute to the cost of their child's education. We are not asking you to pay for your child's education if that is not part of your family culture. I am not 100% opposed to helping with tuition, but I learned so many important lessons in life from paying for my own degree in the mid to late 90's. I want my children to learn those as well. My DH and I have no debt other than a mortgage. I value that, because of my experience.

 

 

You wrote:

 

The emoticon suggests you are taking offense hence I apologize again. I put the emoticon in to do the opposite. I guess I should have used :001_smile: or ;).

 

Be well,

Jane

Thanks!

[Jen500]

Most of my friends whose parents footed the bill flunked out and took a long time to finish. I was on the dean's list every semester, because I was shelling out 80% of the tuition.

 

It doesn't bother me that others feel differently, and I don't know why my opinion should bother anyone else. It is just my opinion.:001_smile:

 

Sometimes it seems that some posters who paid their own way through college are acutely aware of those students whose parents helped pay for college but did not appreciate it/flunked out/partied too much/fill in the negativityblank here. And said posters don't seem aware of all the students with financial help who appreciated it/succeeded/studied and worked hard.

 

Anyways, Jane and Nan (and others), I really appreciate these types of threads. I don't post much but I always read them and find them helpful.

[happyhappyjoyjoy]

Sometimes it seems that some posters who paid their own way through college are acutely aware of those students whose parents helped pay for college but did not appreciate it/flunked out/partied too much/fill in the negativityblank here. And said posters don't seem aware of all the students with financial help who appreciated it/succeeded/studied and worked hard.

 

Anyways, Jane and Nan (and others), I really appreciate these types of threads. I don't post much but I always read them and find them helpful.

 

Jen that is a good point.

[Nan in Mass]

Happyhappyjoyjoy -

You are probably wise not to take offense at anything anybody says online. Some people here, though, feel among friends and do take comments personally. Many of us have been sharing the trails and tribulations of homeschooling, through thick and thin, for ten years. Perhaps that makes this board a little different than many boards? I don't know, since this is the only one to which I belong. I just know that generally people here are very careful how they word things. Since you aren't usually on the college board, I was just trying to explain to you something that you might not know - that we have all had to work extra hard recently to keep brangles from accidentally happening, since we aren't a board where things are not taken personally. We like discussions very much, since we all learn from them, but brangles are uncomfortable. I was assuming that you, too, wish to avoid accidentally starting a brangle, and I was trying to warn you that you were approaching a hot topic, one that has caused brangles in the past, so you could avoid doing so. It is hard to tell which topics are going to be a problem and have to be treated with extra care and which one can get away with being less careful about. I didn't mean to insult you. I and other posters have gone to some effort to try not to insult you by explaining that we understand now (due to past discussions and a few brangles) that there are as many family cultures as there are families and that it is fine if yours is its own unique sort, and that we are trying NOT to make assumptions about how much you value or do not value education and how much higher education you and your ancesters have, based on the decisions you are making about your own children's higher education.

 

As Jane said, many people here are unfamiliar with the application process, so we try to provide lots of information. A post that follows another post isn't necessarily addressed to the original poster. It is often addressed to everyone in general, and we are all aware that we wouldn't be here if we didn't have our own questions. We are surviving the whole uncomfortable, scary process by each providing pieces of the puzzle so that we can all see the picture better. Sometimes pieces get provided when you already know that particular piece. We are sorry.

 

Thank you SO much for coming and voting in the poll! I appreciate it. I am sorry if it has involved you in any uncomfortableness.

 

-Nan

[choirfarm]

Sometimes it seems that some posters who paid their own way through college are acutely aware of those students whose parents helped pay for college but did not appreciate it/flunked out/partied too much/fill in the negativityblank here. And said posters don't seem aware of all the students with financial help who appreciated it/succeeded/studied and worked hard.

 

Anyways, Jane and Nan (and others), I really appreciate these types of threads. I don't post much but I always read them and find them helpful.

 

Yes, I've noticed that on this board also. All of my friends had at least some help from parents if not all paid and one friend had her entire school paid by an anonymous donor. Not one I know flunked out. We all graduated and got good jobs. None of us floundered. But it feels like all of those who paid their own way know tons of people who had it paid for and flunked out. I don't know anyone like that personally. But then again, I didn't know anyone who partied or drank either. ( I know it happened, but not to any of my friends or people I hung around.) Again, I guess it is background.

 

Christine

[happyhappyjoyjoy]

Happyhappyjoyjoy -

You are probably wise not to take offense at anything anybody says online. Some people here, though, feel among friends and do take comments personally. Many of us have been sharing the trails and tribulations of homeschooling, through thick and thin, for ten years. Perhaps that makes this board a little different than many boards? I don't know, since this is the only one to which I belong. I just know that generally people here are very careful how they word things. Since you aren't usually on the college board, I was just trying to explain to you something that you might not know - that we have all had to work extra hard recently to keep brangles from accidentally happening, since we aren't a board where things are not taken personally. We like discussions very much, since we all learn from them, but brangles are uncomfortable. I was assuming that you, too, wish to avoid accidentally starting a brangle, and I was trying to warn you that you were approaching a hot topic, one that has caused brangles in the past, so you could avoid doing so. It is hard to tell which topics are going to be a problem and have to be treated with extra care and which one can get away with being less careful about. I didn't mean to insult you. I and other posters have gone to some effort to try not to insult you by explaining that we understand now (due to past discussions and a few brangles) that there are as many family cultures as there are families and that it is fine if yours is its own unique sort, and that we are trying NOT to make assumptions about how much you value or do not value education and how much higher education you and your ancesters have, based on the decisions you are making about your own children's higher education.

 

As Jane said, many people here are unfamiliar with the application process, so we try to provide lots of information. A post that follows another post isn't necessarily addressed to the original poster. It is often addressed to everyone in general, and we are all aware that we wouldn't be here if we didn't have our own questions. We are surviving the whole uncomfortable, scary process by each providing pieces of the puzzle so that we can all see the picture better. Sometimes pieces get provided when you already know that particular piece. We are sorry.

 

Thank you SO much for coming and voting in the poll! I appreciate it. I am sorry if it has involved you in any uncomfortableness.

 

-Nan

 

 

Nan,

I really had no idea that I was entering a hot topic. I also had no intention of starting one. When I saw your post on the K-8 board to come and vote I did that, and included my reply. Your explanation of family cultures makes the previous posts much clearer now:).

 

My DH does tell me that there is no way he could have studied nuclear engineering while working. Obviously every situation is not for every family. I really was just trying to contribute to the poll:)

 

Meanwhile I've found this college forum to be very interesting. I wouldn't have even thought to look at it before. Good can come from every misunderstanding.

[Nan in Mass]

Happyhappyjoyjoy -

 

Phew! The more I thought about it, the more awful it seemed that you had come over at my request and then perhaps had it seem like people were jumping on you. I should have explained better in my first reply. It took me awhile to realize that you hadn't read any of the previous threads. I'm sure the whole thing seemed weird. Thank you SO much for hanging around long enough for us to get it straightened out.

 

There is lots of great information here and it is much less overwhelming than someplace like college confidential. I wish I had been able to browse this when my children were younger.

 

And thank you for posting as well as voting. The poll function is pretty limited. The explanations in the posts give us a much clearer picture. I'm glad so many people have added posts to the poll.

 

-Nan

[happyhappyjoyjoy]

Yes, and I just now noticed that you included student in the title. I didn't even catch that before. We do plan on having our children save for college. Blessings Nan for taking the time to explain everything.