specialmama Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Scenario: I responded to a local hs ad about someone wanting a cat-sitter for 2 weeks. My dd loves animals and I try to find opportunities for her. Although we have a blind cat, 2 dogs and 2 birds, my dh surprisingly agreed. The lady is really nice, and although we don't "know" her, we have talked a bit enough for me to know that she would want to know that her cat killed my dd's bird. My dd is devastated, and trying to overcome the guilt she feels because she forgot to close her bedroom door. She forgave the cat, and we've chatted a lot about accidents, and how it's not the cat's fault, etc. So the lady is coming to pick up her cat and pay my dd, and she even is going to write a letter for my dd's "resume" or "pet sitting portfolio". She asked on the phone how things went and I said great. The first few days the cat hid and hissed, but that's pretty much expected for a cat in a different environment. I did not tell her about the bird. It's not her fault, why make her feel guilty? What can she possibly DO about it? I guess part of me wants to tell her so she can apologize to my dd, and I'd probably want to know if my kitty did that. So... what would you do? Tell her? Not tell her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I wouldn't tell her. She doesn't have anything to apologize for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I wouldn't tell her. It's a cat's instinct to kill birds. It would only make her feel bad about something she shouldn't feel bad about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I wouldn't tell her. She doesn't have anything to apologize for. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I wouldn't tell her. She doesn't have anything to apologize for. I wouldn't either. If this happened because of some fault of the lady's, then, yes, I would tell her. But since it happened because of a fault of your daughter's, (and because of a cat's very natural instincts and not just like 'bad cat behavior' or some such), you need to do the best you can to comfort your daughter but NOT guilt trip this woman who isn't at fault and can't do anything about it and shouldn't be made to feel guilty about something like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5KidzRUs Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I wouldn't tell her. She doesn't have anything to apologize for. :iagree: With a caveat - That so many people do not hear about it and it makes its rounds back to her via 3rd, 4th ... 8th person ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avila Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I wouldn't tell her. It's a cat's instinct to kill birds. It would only make her feel bad about something she shouldn't feel bad about. :iagree: But :grouphug: to your DD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 No, I know it's not the lady's fault, and it's not the cat's fault. I would not tell her to guilt trip her. I would assure her that we do not blame her or the cat: accidents happen. I just think because she sounds super nice that she might have some comforting words for my dd, or that she would want to know, kwim? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 :iagree:With a caveat - That so many people do not hear about it and it makes its rounds back to her via 3rd, 4th ... 8th person ... I agree. I'm not really understanding why you would want her to apologize to your dd.:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 But :grouphug: to your DD. Thank you, it has been very hard on her. She has shown great understanding in this, and was found petting the cat half an hour after finding her bird, tears still in her eyes, whispering "I forgive you, I'm so sorry for my part in this, I forgive you." :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 No, I know it's not the lady's fault, and it's not the cat's fault. I would not tell her to guilt trip her. I would assure her that we do not blame her or the cat: accidents happen. I just think because she sounds super nice that she might have some comforting words for my dd, or that she would want to know, kwim? I honestly think it would just end up making her feel bad about something she shouldn't have to feel bad about. My neighbor used to take her cat to a local place called Kitty Island or something. Talk about a place of kitty pampering! But, they have to funds to handle damaged items, etc. Honestly, having birds would make me rethink the whole cat-sitting thing -- or, the birds stay in the cage the entire time the cat is being sat. I know your daughter is sad -- my son would be too. These things do serve as good reminders that animals are animals. I don't mean this in a heartless way, but sometimes when we care for animals like they are people, we forget this. I know I am guilty of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
susankenny Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 No. I wouldn't tell her either for reasons stated already. Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 I agree. I'm not really understanding why you would want her to apologize to your dd.:confused: Not as an actual apology per se, because I know it's not her fault or the cat's fault, but she seems like the kind of woman who would just sit down with her arm on my dd's shoulder and share in her sadness. I bet she'd say something like "I'm so sorry that happened, that is just awful. You did a great job taking care of my cat and this is what happened. How awful." I'm not an evil person, folks :lol:, she just seems like a sweet soul who could be a soothing balm for my dd. Of course, I did post this because I'm more on the side of the fence of not telling her and needed some fresh resolve... or not... :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I'm not an evil person, folks :lol: You know, I had my suspicions about you, and they are now confirmed. :toetap05: (just kidding) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Not as an actual apology per se, because I know it's not her fault or the cat's fault, but she seems like the kind of woman who would just sit down with her arm on my dd's shoulder and share in her sadness. I bet she'd say something like "I'm so sorry that happened, that is just awful. You did a great job taking care of my cat and this is what happened. How awful." I'm not an evil person, folks :lol:, she just seems like a sweet soul who could be a soothing balm for my dd. Of course, I did post this because I'm more on the side of the fence of not telling her and needed some fresh resolve... or not... :confused: I understand what you are saying, and of course I do feel bad for your daughter that this happened, but I still have to say no- you shouldn't tell the woman. YOU can tell your daughter those things- about how she did a great job and you're so sorry this awful thing happened... but to put the lady in the position of feeling the need to tell her that is just going to make her feel bad/guilty/apologetic over something she shouldn't have to feel bad/guilty/apologetic about. This may also, in turn, cause her to not want to ask your daughter to pet set in the future (over feeling awkward about it), or feeling the need to go buy your daughter a new bird or something, or (best case scenario) it's just going to cause someone to feel bad about something unnecessarily etc. I don't think it's fair to put her in that position. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I would tell her, but not to receive an apology. If it might get back to her through the hs group, it is better if she hears it from you. :grouphug: to your dd. I know pet loss can be devastating to children. It must be doubly tough for her since she knows her actions contributed to the death. That is a lot for a kid to shoulder. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraciebytheBay Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 No, I wouldn't tell her. She would feel the need to apologize, and she doesn't have anything to apologize for. Honestly, I would also be afraid she'd tell other potential customers who would not hire my daughter because she didn't take care of her bird. kwim? I'm sorry this happened. Your daughter must be so sad. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helena Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I wouldn't tell her. I'd tell my daughter that based off the little we know about this woman, she would probably say something like "Oh, honey I'm so sorry that happened. What an awful thing to experience". Your daughter can know in her heart the lady would be saddened by what happened, and have that be enough. I remember one time my mom told me that there was a dead bird on my headlight. I remember thinking "Why did she feel the need to tell me? Why not be discreet, deal with it and save me the sting?" Sometimes we can spare people the details and carry the burden ourselves. I think it's the loving and mature thing to do sometimes. :grouphug: to your daughter. I grew up with birds, and I've lost a bird too. It's not something you forget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Agree with the others. What purpose would it serve except to make your friend feel terrible? It really won't make your daughter feel better to "share the grief." Sorry about your pet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 You know, I had my suspicions about you, and they are now confirmed. :toetap05: (just kidding) hee hee! Oh good, I'm glad I verified that for you! If you have any other suspicions, just fire away. Don't be shy ~ I aim to please! :D :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 I understand what you are saying, and of course I do feel bad for your daughter that this happened, but I still have to say no- you shouldn't tell the woman. YOU can tell your daughter those things- about how she did a great job and you're so sorry this awful thing happened... but to put the lady in the position of feeling the need to tell her that is just going to make her feel bad/guilty/apologetic over something she shouldn't have to feel bad/guilty/apologetic about. This may also, in turn, cause her to not want to ask your daughter to pet set in the future (over feeling awkward about it), or feeling the need to go buy your daughter a new bird or something, or (best case scenario) it's just going to cause someone to feel bad about something unnecessarily etc. I don't think it's fair to put her in that position. Thank you, Nance. This spoke to me, esp. the bold. :grouphug: I'm sorry this happened. Your daughter must be so sad. :( Thank you. I wouldn't tell her. I'd tell my daughter that based off the little we know about this woman, she would probably say something like "Oh, honey I'm so sorry that happened. What an awful thing to experience". Your daughter can know in her heart the lady would be saddened by what happened, and have that be enough. I remember one time my mom told me that there was a dead bird on my headlight. I remember thinking "Why did she feel the need to tell me? Why not be discreet, deal with it and save me the sting?" Sometimes we can spare people the details and carry the burden ourselves. I think it's the loving and mature thing to do sometimes. :grouphug: to your daughter. I grew up with birds, and I've lost a bird too. It's not something you forget. Good point. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickelfritz Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I agree with the others. If she ever did happen to hear through the grapevine, you can honestly tell her why you didn't tell her. You didn't want her to feel bad about something that wasn't her or her cats' fault. I don't think you're bad for asking. Some people would handle it in the spirit you intended. Most would just feel really bad and guilty about the situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I'm sorry for what happened, but you do know that cats are drawn to birds as much as any small critter and that if such are in the house, particularly with an animal unaccustomed to them, then they must be kept from that animal for their safety. It really was not the cat's fault to do what is within it's nature given the opportunity. I know that the opportunity was an accident, and everyone is sorry about the results, but it's not the lady's fault nor her cats, really.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 No, I absolutely would not tell her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I don't know, I lean towards telling her. Maybe it's just my own internal issues about having information withheld from me, but she has a right to know. Perhaps this woman has thought of getting a bird (they can co-exist in the right habitat), perhaps she may find another pet sitter with a bird...I can think of several reasons why the information might be useful to her. If I were in her shoes and found out about it down the road I would be very upset that something like that was withheld from me. I'm not saying you're handling it wrong, but just to look at it from all sides. Right now you are not giving her an option on how to respond. How she choses to responds is not really up to you. When I board an animal I always question the staff on how my pet behaves, I expect to be told the truth, not their edited version (my own dog is a booger in the kennel, quite different than at home). I am sorry about your dd's bird, she seems to be handling it with great maturity. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I'd tell her. But not for an apology (a cat? a bird? Come on - been there, done that - it wasn't pretty. Add in a ceiling fan and...). I would tell her out of pure honesty, not because I wanted her to feel bad or to "make up for it", but because it happened. Just be sure the delivery isn't accusatory. I'd be pretty upset if I left my cat with someone, it killed their bird, and they didn't bother to tell me. Really. I'd be devastated. My vote is to go for the honesty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 The cat was acting like a cat. It's not this lady's fault that your DD left her door open and gave the cat access to the bird, so I don't think she owes your DD an apology. It's sad that it happened, and I do feel sorry for your daughter, but making this lady feel bad about it (and that's all telling her is going to do) isn't going to accomplish anything -- it's just going to spread the misery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josie Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 :iagree:With a caveat - That so many people do not hear about it and it makes its rounds back to her via 3rd, 4th ... 8th person ... :iagree: If she does find out through another person and mentions it to you I would just own the mistake and tell her it was an accident and not to worry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeneralMom Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I, personally, would want to know that my cat had killed your DD's bird. I agree with a PP that I hate having information withheld and I would be really upset about finding out about it from someone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnitaMcC Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I wouldn't tell her. There is nothing she should feel guilty about nor anything to apologize for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mammaruss Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I know your daughter is sad -- my son would be too. These things do serve as good reminders that animals are animals. I don't mean this in a heartless way, but sometimes when we care for animals like they are people, we forget this. I know I am guilty of it. :iagree: I would be thankful that the bird did not belong to a client!! This is what can happen when one takes care of animals....and it is a lesson learned--the extremely hard way. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 :iagree: I would be thankful that the bird did not belong to a client!! This is what can happen when one takes care of animals....and it is a lesson learned--the extremely hard way. :grouphug: :iagree: It wouldn't serve any purpose to tell the woman about the accident. It wasn't her fault and completely out of her control. I have cats and they can turn into jungle hunters in a minute if they see a bird, a feather or anything that is small and moves fast. And they are fully indoor cats too! Kitty was just doing what comes naturally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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