Help me think through this (PS vs HS)

[k2bdeutmeyer]

I know, I know.....we're all a little biased on this, but I'm really struggling.

 

DD will be 4 in 2 weeks, meaning we should be registering her for kindergarten next year around this time. This has gotten me thinking about what we will do.

 

A little history. We came to homeschool not as a lifestyle choice for our family, but out of necessity from a bad situation at the local elementary school. We pulled DD#1 out of 4th grade in March of last year, and while DH was not real keen on the idea, he now agrees that it was the best decision & we are all very happy it's what we're doing. And, just FTR (because I do think it matters to some extent in his willingness to try it), DD#1 is his step child.

 

DD#2 is a VERY different child in personality & academics (she is much more compliant & sensitive, but not even close to as academically ahead as DD#1 was). DH knows I absolutely refuse to send another child to the same elementary school. I simply will NOT do it. I don't care if it's within walking distance & ranked as one of the top 5 elementaries in the district. There is no way I'm willing to risk another child's self esteem & emotional well being at the hands of their staff. He has not pressed that issue at all.

 

However, I also know that he is not supportive of HSing as a lifestyle for our family. He would like DD#2 to go to "regular" school. FWIW she goes to a church based pre-school right now & does very well. I want to take his feelings into account & recognize that he is just as much her parent as I am, and therefore has equal say in how she is raised. I simply cannot get over my fears. The 4.5 years DD spent in public school were some of the most stressful times in my life & ultimately came to a point where my 9yr old wanted to die, because she thought our lives would be better without her (she was always in trouble with the school, who in turn hounded me, so I got on her, but the school was unwilling to budge on their end & make accomodations to help her). I do not ever want to be in that position again. I also have exposure fears. DD was exposed to a lot of behaviors, language, attitudes, and information I really did not like.

 

So, with that being said, we have several options.

 

1. Send DD to our assigned elementary (not really an option)

2. Open enroll DD to another elementary in the district (the top 5 are all full & not taking any open enrollments)

3. Private school (we can't afford it, even with scholarships)

4. Open enroll to another district in the area (with a good reputation, but our assigned school has one as well)

5. Homeschool (DH not really on board, but hasn't outright said no, probably in an effort to not upset me)

 

I don't do very well with rushed decisions or things that are not well thought out/researched, so I want to start thinking through this NOW. That way, come this time next year I'm not forced to make a quick decision that I'll regret.

 

So, WWYD?

Edited December 28, 2010 by k2bdeutmeyer

[Leav97]

So, with that being said, we have several options.

 

1. Send DD to our assigned elementary (not really an option)

2. Open enroll DD to another elementary in the district (the top 5 are all full & not taking any open enrollments)

3. Private school (we can't afford it, even with scholarships)

4. Open enroll to another district in the area (with a good reputation, but our assigned school has one as well)

5. Home school (DH not really on board, but hasn't outright said no, probably in an effort to not upset me)

 

 

 

This probably won't be helpful but, it sounds like you are left with option 2, 4, and 5. This is a decision you and DH will need to make toghether.

[Mom-ninja.]

You listed 5 options but they are not all really options. In truth you have 2 options from what you wrote. Enroll her in another district or home school.

 

 

You asked what I would do. I would home school. However, I have chosen home school as a way of life. I decided I didn't want to have some of my kids at home and others at school.

 

Good luck.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

You're both very right....I guess I'm just looking for more of a reality check. Am I being unreasonably fearful? Should I stand my ground & be more firm? Do I consider the risks & take into account that she is a very different child a give it a try for the sake of DH?

[Guest CarolineUK]

She's very little, would your DH accept a one year trial? If after a year it doesn't seem to be working out, then you can reassess (this is the basis I work on with all of mine, every year). She's so young I wouldn't think a year of homeschooling could do any harm, and may go brilliantly. In many European countries children don't start school until 6 yo.

[Caitilin]

It's my opinion that you can and should try to convince your dh that hsing is the best option for your dd2, especially given the fact that she is a more sensitive soul. You have a whole year to do this, and you can point to your success with dd1; also, you can allow him to stipulate some of the terms on which you undertake hsing her, whether that's testing, or a trial year, or whatever is the important thing to him. But, if you as a mother and the primary caregiver to your dd feel that this is the best thing for her, I would strongly counsel you to try to bring dh around to seeing things your way.:grouphug::grouphug: to you as you work through this together.

[snipsnsnailsx5]

My DH was very hard to convince for a long time. Until finally I wrote out a letter to my DH to read. It seemed to be easier for him to read my thoughts then us discussing them. I was never able to completely get my point across during a discussion.

 

VERY long...but here's the letter I gave my DH and he was totally on board to homeschool after reading this:

 

Reasons to home school and strategy/plan for home schooling

 

Issues/Concerns Addressed

 

Social:

*Socially is one of the main reasons FOR homeschooling. Socialization in schools is not real life, not positive, not educational, not character building, etc. Many home schooled kids are very social, adaptable to any environment, can play equally with kids their age, younger, older, can interact comfortably with babies and the elderly. That's real life, not being in a classroom all day with people whose birthdays are within a 12 month span of your own. Friendships are based upon common interests and common characteristics, not age or grade.

* Will be able to avoid worrying about the boys “falling into the wrong crowd†at school or forming friendships with kids we don’t approve of

* How much socializing really goes on at school anyway? The majority of the social life the boys have is from their extracurricular activities

* We would not be staying at home all day everyday, but rather planning short day trips - like library, park, museums, etc. And perhaps a monthly field trip to places within driving distance.

 

Sports:

* Plenty of sports available in the community - wrestling, soccer, swimming, football, basketball

 

Academic

* The boys will be able to learn more from home schooling then they do at school where everything is taught to the WASL’s.

* Homeschooled kids often have higher test scores and are more advanced then public schooled kids that have to learn together as a class and not allowed to advance ahead

* Whether we do virtual schooling or traditional schooling (buy our own books) - there are resources set in place to make sure that we stay on the right track and that the children aren’t falling behind.

 

Consistency

This is not something that I would just keep one child home and let the others choose or come and go in home school/public school as they please. I agree that once the decision is made, we need to stick to it and apply it to ALL children.

 

Reasons why we should home school/benefits

* We get to see more of the children, have more time with them. Currently out of the 14 hrs of awake time a day (7am-9pm) we only see them half of the time and that half of the time is mostly in the evening when things are chaotic and busy. How much quality time do we get with them?

* Education customizable to the needs of each child

* Will have time to visit local museums and other places

* More time for extracurricular activities

* We can be in control of what our children learn

* We don’t have to worry about that bad influences at school or the boys falling into the wrong crowd

* We can have more control over their discipline, more consistency. The school’s policies are opposite and against what we believe.

* The boys will bond more and learn how to get along better if they are schooled together and always together.

* NO MORE VISITS WITH THE PRINCIPAL and stress of behavior problems at school

* We can tailor our school schedule as needed (if doing traditional home schooling) - if that means school in the summer with a break every couple weeks, then we can do that. Or a vacation at a different time of the year when Billy takes his vacation..

* School will no longer be the main influence in the boys life…and currently it’s a negative influence with all the issues we’re battling.

* Character development

* Socialization, able to interact equally with all ages

* Work at their own pace, advance or slow down as needed

* Structure learning to their unique abilities

* Family is the focus, not school

* Family makes the schedule, not school

* Conversely, able to spend as much time as wanted on passions and problems

* Freedom!

* Spiritual development is part of schooling

* Avoid negative peer pressure (particularly important as they approach middle school...5th-12th grade)

* Avoid rushed growth in areas like dating, allow normal progression, child does not feel the need to be something they are not, or do things they are not ready for.

* Time to develop REAL in depth friendships...not 10 minutes between classes…. and to make REAL friends who invest time and effort

* Time for clubs, sports, interests, passions…NO HOMEWORK

* Child allowed to be who they are, not who they think they should be

* A love of learning

* You do not have to fit in, you can stand out and be different without attacks by the groups

* If you have disabilities it is no one else’s business, no teachers, no special people to be around or feel upset they have to "deal with you" when they don't get paid for it

* Tailor fit education is cheaper at home than public or private

* Your family is you protective group, your soft place to fall

* Teachers and school districts do not control your life, social or educational

* You can take sick days when needed, holidays when wanted and nothing is counted "against you" for simply having a life on your on schedule and terms

* You will appreciate the "real world" you live in more, the community at large and all the education it can provide just taking your children out in the world to learn

* Your life is the example, your classroom is your home and community ....it is not artificial it is the real thing

*Grades are not based on social age or teacher opinion in fact you can have no grades at all if you choose

* Closer kin ship bonds teach more self-respect and self love than peer level bonding

* More likely to attend college

* Education includes real life , real world that can’t be learned from a classroom. In the real world academics are important, but just as important are real life skills and common sense

* Less likely to learn bad coping skills

* More able to survive in a reality based life

* Learn the benefits of home and good study skills

* The fluctuations of the economy and budget do not have to effect the quality of education as much as in a school setting

* Teachers are there for love and concern not the money

* Teachers always want to go the extra miles for you

* Teachers do not judge you or your family falsely due to misconceptions, prejudice or rumor

* You value your life more because those around you value your life more

 

In closing…my personal thoughts and opinion….

 

This is something we’ve been thinking about for five years when *A* first started having problems in kindergarten. All of the countless meetings and plans we’ve made with the teachers have never worked, nothing has changed. It may seem changed for a few months and then its back to the way it used to be and it starts all over the next year. This is a public school problem - policies have changed and teachers have changed. There is no getting around that no matter how many meetings and plans we have with them.

 

I feel anxious when thinking about the boys and school. I feel like we’re not doing something we should be doing. I feel like we’re not giving them all they need with it comes to their academic needs.

I really feel that home schooling addresses ALL of my concerns…everything from academic, to behavior, to even the bad groups or peer pressure that happens in older grades. My concerns for the boys’ future and if they will make good choices in the older grades vanishes. No longer will it even be an issue. Sure they have to eventually make those choices when they leave the house, but at least we gave them plenty of time at home to learn good values from us and to form good friendships that hopefully make lasting impressions on them when they are out in the world on their own.

I know that it’s not going to be easy, and I may complain, and I may doubt myself some days - but none of that will compare to the anxiety I feel when thinking about the boys in the situation they are in now and will continue to be in if they stay in the public school system. Its going to be something I know I *have* to do, and slacking off won’t be an option. I will be held accountable, and this will be a way of life, a family combined effort. I think it’s something we should Not continue to wait on and see how things turn out, because we already know how they’ll turn out. I think its time to act now.

[Tarreymere]

Maybe a compromise would be a public cyber charter? I have been 'discussing' this same thing with my ex-husband. He isn't comfortable with ME choosing curriculum, ect. but he has stated that he is willing to consider the possibility of homeschooling our 11 year old through a public cyber charter school. I am getting a bit frantic at this point because DD11 has confided in me that she has friends who claim they have had s-e-x AND she mentioned to me once that some incense I was burning smelled like 'pot' :willy_nilly: I am trying to sell him on the point that our DD would be able to move ahead at her own pace instead of being bored in class.....he apparently doesn't think the negative socialization is worth worrying about.

[Chris in VA]

What are his main concerns, and how does he define the "homeschool lifestyle?" Before you try to convince him of anything, listen to him. Make sure you are defining words the same way--"lifestyle" for example.

 

I would homeschool.

[Pretty in Pink]

I would let my dh know that this is very important to me. I would begin homeschooling that child now and ask him, for the next year, to please keep an open mind.

 

And honestly, I would be a bit hurt that he was willing to "let it ride" with his stepchild but not his biological child. Perhaps that is more a reflection of the dynamic in my own marriage than on the situation you describe, but I would be hurt nonetheless.

 

It's difficult to say, beyond that, without knowing his particular objections. It sort of sounds like he just wants her to have traditional social experiences. It might be helpful to point out the ways in which her social needs will be met. Is he worried about curriculum? Accountability?

[Aubrey]

It sounds like your dh agrees about not sending #2 to the local ps--what does *he* want to do w/ her for K? What would *you* choose? I think making those 2 points clear will help us see what you've really got to choose from. :001_smile:

[Anne in CA]

In sympathy with your dh I have to say that the desire to be normal is overpowering to most people. Teaching your children at home is just plain weird to most people and media like Wife Swap make it weirder than it needs to be.

 

I also will say that not sending your kids to school does mean that they do not have the same experiences as the majority of our society. That is a big deal to some people.

 

I would flat out find out if dh's problem is

 

1) He doesn't want his family to be weirdos.

 

2) He wants his kids to enjoy the good part of school and it makes him sad for his kids not to take part in them.

 

I do think those would be legitimate reasons to avoid home schooling, but they are not realistic. For example, where I live more weird people go to ps than home school, and the bad parts of some schools far outweigh things like school carnivals and basketball games, ect.

 

My preferred compomise in your situation would be to try for the open enrollment and see if you can get it and do your best to make it happen, but homeschool as a fall back plan. He really shouldn't be able to argue about that. If your own school has issues that hurt your older child it would be crazy to even consider it on paper. Putting your family in debt for private school is not wise in my opinion. Especially since you should enroll both children in private school, not just his baby. Your child only has a few years of childhood.

[K&Rs Mom]

There's a HUGE difference between buildings even in the same district - I learned this as a substitute teacher before dc. So open enrollment might not be as bad as you think. But I agree with the pp that if you can find out what dh doesn't like about homeschooling, and address that, he might become more open to the idea. For my dh, it was reading the first few chapters of WTM - both the damage that ps can do, and the ways that hs can make up for what people are concerned are its shortcomings. Would your dh be willing to do any research on this? That can be very convincing, especially if he finds it himself!

[kalanamak]

Can you get hubby to understand you can't "screw up" kindergarten? You won't "fall behind". Can you get into a co-op for some, or art classes, or gym classes to reassure him? Can you show him some blogs of homeschoolers here, with all the cool things they do? You could ask people to post links to blog entries that highlight the great points of the early years at home.

 

:grouphug:

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Thank you so much for all your input!! I really appreciate it!!

 

I think DH's #1 objection is the fact that he does want the "normal" experiences for his kids (DD#1 included - he's pushing for a return to PS at some point for her too, I just think he doesn't feel like he has as much say, so doesn't push as hard). That, and the above mentioned desire to be "normal".

 

His #2 reason (and truthfully he hasn't brought this up since before we pulled DD#1) is that he's afraid my kids will be too dependent on me.

[kalanamak]

Thank you so much for all your input!! I really appreciate it!!

 

I think DH's #1 objection is the fact that he does want the "normal" experiences for his kids

 

What's his concern about being non-normal, or, perhaps a better word, in the minority? He had such a great time in school they will miss out? They will be friendless freaks? The neighbors will whisper? Other?

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Ummm.....that's a good question. I think a lot of it is the experiences - mostly social. He wants them to have the same good friend experiences he had. The hanging out at recess or between classes. He feels its different being with the same people all day every day vs sports & extra curriculars.

 

In a way, I want the same thing, but I'm not convinced the kids in the PS setting are the kids I want her with.

[LibraryLover]

I have a child in PS (my 17 yr old) and he is a wonderful kid. It works for him. But at 5 No. No. No. Since you asked. :) I would not send a 5 yr old to school unless I had to and it was a lovely, wonderful, fantastic school.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

I also want to clarify that I'm basing my opinion of "the public school kids" on my experience with DD#1 in PS for 4.5yr. These girls had a self created "club" for girls that were watching what they ate (aka didn't eat lunch - DD joined in this for a month or two before I figured it out) in 3rd grade. They also had kids "dating" and kissing in 3rd & 4th grade. There was a LOT of bullying - even by the "good kids". It was rampant. Was this isolated to that elementary school? I don't know, or even how to find out until it's too late.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

I talked to DH for a little more understanding last night. He is also very, very concerned about "coddling" our kids too much. He wants them to face the situations that arise in PS so they can learn to deal with them. He is not even supportive of DD#1 remaining at home through high school even though she is very ADD and will likely not thrive in that environment. He feels like if she can't handle that, then how will she handle college?

 

He also commented that he thinks DD#2 deserves the opportunity to at least try PS. Which implies I could pull her if it wasn't going well, but then later said that "he knows me" and as soon as some little hiccup happens I'll want to pull her (I don't necessarily agree with that statement) - implying he's just delaying fighting HSing until he has no choice for the sake of not fighting about it. I said that I thought that's what was going on, and he agreed.

[Mom-ninja.]

I talked to DH for a little more understanding last night. He is also very, very concerned about "coddling" our kids too much. He wants them to face the situations that arise in PS so they can learn to deal with them. He is not even supportive of DD#1 remaining at home through high school even though she is very ADD and will likely not thrive in that environment. He feels like if she can't handle that, then how will she handle college?

 

 

 

 

They are children. Their brains are growing and developing. When they are older and have completely developed brains they will be able to handle their environment better. Children are immature.....their brains are not mature as in not done developing. I do not buy into the argument that children need to learn to deal with situations. There are many things children are not ready for both physically and cognitively, yet the majority of our society push children into such situations for "their own good".

 

I don't agree. An 18 or 19 yr old going into college and facing unpleasant people is better equipped to handle it than a 5 yr old or 10 yr old or 15 yr old.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Interesting perspective Heigh Ho. If I'm honest, I don't trust the public school to be honest with me anymore. I had so many meetings with adminstrators & teachers and was told so many things that simply never happened. It was all just a game of pacification.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Interesting perspective Heigh Ho. If I'm honest, I don't trust the public school to be honest with me anymore. I had so many meetings with adminstrators & teachers and was told so many things that simply never happened. It was all just a game of pacification.

 

What I'm hearing from you is that nothing is really going to satisfy you outside of homeschooling (that you can afford anyway).

 

So - how to address your dh's concerns?

 

Coddling - If you are under the umbrella of an online program or a DVD program, where their work is assigned and graded by a professional teacher would he accept that?

 

Normal experience - If you did a co-op would that help to see that they are getting some normal experiences and are not tied tightly to your apron strings (see coddling above!) would that help him?

 

Bullying - many of us have discovered that kids are exposed to bullying in the neighborhood and even homeschool co-ops. They probably will be exposed.

 

College - Colleges do not have the trouble with bullying that schools up to high school have. Probably because assault charges would be filed? There is hazing if you are in a dorm or the Greek system but colleges are coming down hard on that.

[JudoMom]

I might be getting you confused with someone else, but doesn't your dd have some health concerns? My middle son has arthritis, chronic headaches, and migraines, and I'm so thankful we haven't had to deal with a school's timeline on top of his issues.

 

Last year my dh thought about putting our oldest in a rigorous charter school this year (it starts in 6th grade). He had some "socialization" concerns about the boys, and they were valid. The older 4 now attend an enrichment program 1 day a week (they get art, science, PE, etc) and this has helped with the "socialization" issues we were seeing, along with me taking the time to "socialize" them. Maybe you can find out his specific concerns, and then find specific ways to address them.

 

I don't think you are being overprotective.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

What I'm hearing from you is that nothing is really going to satisfy you outside of homeschooling (that you can afford anyway).

 

So - how to address your dh's concerns?

 

Coddling - If you are under the umbrella of an online program or a DVD program, where their work is assigned and graded by a professional teacher would he accept that? Interesting question, I'm not sure. I think his concern is more that I would always be there to guide them & they wouldn't learn the skills to take on a college workload independently. He also worries that we would be protecting them too much.

 

Normal experience - If you did a co-op would that help to see that they are getting some normal experiences and are not tied tightly to your apron strings (see coddling above!) would that help him? I asked him about this. He said no. "It's not the same."

 

Bullying - many of us have discovered that kids are exposed to bullying in the neighborhood and even homeschool co-ops. They probably will be exposed. I 100% believe it......but he probably won't. He really is quite unreasonable about this all, which was really the reason for starting this thread. I keep trying to tell myself that I AM being too overprotective & need to give it another shot, but I just don't trust them (the public schools).

 

College - Colleges do not have the trouble with bullying that schools up to high school have. Probably because assault charges would be filed? There is hazing if you are in a dorm or the Greek system but colleges are coming down hard on that. I think his concern here goes back to your first question more. They won't be independent enough, or won't have learned the right skill set to be successful in a college environment. It seems that nothing I say will convince him otherwise.

 

Thank you!

[k2bdeutmeyer]

I might be getting you confused with someone else, but doesn't your dd have some health concerns?

 

Yes, she has a metabolic condition that does require frequent hospitalizations if we have a particularly sick year. Last year she was in the hospital once a month from October until March. This year we have only had one, in September :)

[Ottakee]

Do you have any good homeschool groups in your area? That would give you kids some outside activities. Co-ops would give them a chance to do some learning without you but still in a more controlled environment.

 

How about church activities, scouts, sports, etc? There are lots of good outlets for homeschooled kids.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

My kids are all involved in church & multiple sports, however DH does not feel like this is "the same" as being with the same group of kids all day everyday for years.

[kalanamak]

Ummm.....that's a good question. I think a lot of it is the experiences - mostly social. He wants them to have the same good friend experiences he had. The hanging out at recess or between classes. He feels its different being with the same people all day every day vs sports & extra curriculars.

 

 

Some of us don't fit in the "hanging out". Some of us were studious or non-materialistic and were belittled. Sports and extra currics are not hard unless you live in a very isolated place.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Oh....and FWIW (I don't think I've mentioned this previously) DH went to catholic school from K to graduation - in a small town. I do think that has affected his perception of the school environment.

[Ginevra]

I understand the unwilling dh, as mine was unwilling, too. My options were not even as bleak as yours sound, but to me the only sensible choice was to homeschool. At least you can point to the success of the older child; for my dh, homeschooling was uncharted waters and that is what caused him anxiety. I had to sit down with dh and say, "We have to make an actual decision. I either have to enroll her in school or send in my notification to the state. I am asking that we give homeschooling a try, but I will respect what you want to do." He was grudging, but he agreed. I would absolutely do it this way in your case as well.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Around here most elementary schools have 2-4 classes of about 25-29 kids per class. While you won't have the same kids in your class every year, you will be with the same group of kids all the way through (assuming people don't move, etc.).

[Farrar]

May I may a suggestion that might be way off? Sounds like your dd will be on the young end for grade when she starts next year - the sort of age where LOTS of people (normal, not "homeschool lifestyle" - lol - people) hold their kids back to give them an extra boost. And most places have a very simple way to do that - in many states children aren't even required to go to school until they're 6 or even 7. What if you just held her back a year? And in that time you could try homeschooling and see how it goes and maybe work on your dh a little.

[Ginevra]

My husbands objections were almost identical to your husband's and his replies when I tried to explain things to him were almost identical as well. We are in a co-op, but he called that "not the same." (Well, no, it's not the same as school - that's why I like it! :D) He was concerned that they will not learn to adapt to the negatives of school and the social world and they won't know how to manage it in college. He was worried they would be weird and worried that dd would become socially backward (because she was a quiet child already). He thought they would have no friends. He questioned how they would learn things I'm not an expert in. He was sorry they would miss the great social experiences he had in school (nevermind my horrible social experiences). Ultimately, there were some things he just was not going to have through "proof" in advance.

 

It's not a great spot to be in, I agree. In your case, I would strive for homeschooling and I would use the example I already had in the older child to support my belief that homeschooling would be best. Also, you don't have to convince him to homeschool forever. Your child may need support now that will not be so critical at a later point.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

May I may a suggestion that might be way off? Sounds like your dd will be on the young end for grade when she starts next year - the sort of age where LOTS of people (normal, not "homeschool lifestyle" - lol - people) hold their kids back to give them an extra boost. And most places have a very simple way to do that - in many states children aren't even required to go to school until they're 6 or even 7. What if you just held her back a year? And in that time you could try homeschooling and see how it goes and maybe work on your dh a little.

 

I actually wouldn't be putting her in school until Aug 2012, but they do require you to start the registration process in Jan/Feb the year before (so around this time next year). She would be a little over 5.5yr (average) when she started.

[Pretty in Pink]

My kids are all involved in church & multiple sports, however DH does not feel like this is "the same" as being with the same group of kids all day everyday for years.

 

Well, he's right of course. It's not the same. There is no way that you are going to perfectly replicate all of the traditional brick-and-mortar school experiences in your homeschool. You just can't.

 

It sounds like you both have your minds made up. Someone has to give. Is he willing to do a pros/cons list with you? Is he willing to do any research or reading on the topic?

[Garga]

Well, I'm just the voice of a stranger on the internet, but my husband teaches at the local community college and the students have been horrid this year. All of the professors are wondering what's going on. The students are woefully unprepared. They are simply unable to keep up with the rigors of college. My dh will bend over backwards to help them, and they just can't get the work done.

 

For example: dh gives them (they don't have to find one on their own), gives them a 3x5 index card. He tells them that they call write ANYTHING at all on the card. They can bring the card in on test day and use whatever info they've put on the card. Front and back. AND, if they bring the card, they automatically get 10 extra points on the test--even if they just write their name on the card.

 

Three students didn't bother to bring the card at all.

 

Stuff like that happens all the time. Just because a kid goes to public school does NOT mean that they can handle college. The professors don't really understand why it's been worse this year, but are wondering if some changes in the testing or whatever they've been doing at the primary education level are finally showing up in this years' crop of students. They are fumbling and cannot seem to get work done on time, or at all, or follow basic instructions, or be able to help themselves in any way.

 

 

I'm sure your dh won't really believe me, because who am I anyway...but in a homeschool situation you can force a child to become more independent than in ps. When I ask my 3rd grader a question, he is the ONLY 3rd grader in the room. There isn't some other kid raising his hand and saying, "Ooo! Ooo!" and giving out the answers. My son has FULL responsibility to know the materials. There is no getting "saved by the bell" for him. We sit there until he knows his materials. I grade his papers and if he doesn't get a 90% or better, then we re-do the lessons. I am teaching my son more about personal responsibility towards his own education than many kids who can hide in a crowd will learn.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

...but in a homeschool situation you can force a child to become more independent than in ps. When I ask my 3rd grader a question, he is the ONLY 3rd grader in the room. There isn't some other kid raising his hand and saying, "Ooo! Ooo!" and giving out the answers. My son has FULL responsibility to know the materials. There is no getting "saved by the bell" for him. We sit there until he knows his materials. I grade his papers and if he doesn't get a 90% or better, then we re-do the lessons. I am teaching my son more about personal responsibility towards his own education than many kids who can hide in a crowd will learn.

 

THAT was brilliant.....not that I think he'll listen or believe it.

[ChandlerMom]

Thank you so much for all your input!! I really appreciate it!!

 

I think DH's #1 objection is the fact that he does want the "normal" experiences for his kids (DD#1 included - he's pushing for a return to PS at some point for her too, I just think he doesn't feel like he has as much say, so doesn't push as hard). That, and the above mentioned desire to be "normal".

 

His #2 reason (and truthfully he hasn't brought this up since before we pulled DD#1) is that he's afraid my kids will be too dependent on me.

 

Three things you might discuss with dh:

 

1) times are different than when he went to school

2) boys and girls have extremely different social experiences and needs, especially as kids. He needs to respect that and understand the impact on a sensitive girl is different than on a more rugged boy, like he presumably was, and

3) where's his PROOF that any of his concerns have an ounce of reality??? He needs to get off his arse and start putting effort into making an INFORMED opinion instead of pontificating.

 

You have to do what is best for your kids.

[Farrar]

I actually wouldn't be putting her in school until Aug 2012, but they do require you to start the registration process in Jan/Feb the year before (so around this time next year). She would be a little over 5.5yr (average) when she started.

 

Wow. That seems really early to have to register. But I've never put a kid in school, so... what do I know?

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Wow. That seems really early to have to register. But I've never put a kid in school, so... what do I know?

 

You send in all your paperwork in Jan/Feb when they send out packets, then in March or so they have a parent meeting. Finally, in April they have the kids come for few hours one day to meet the teachers & see what it's like. At least that's the way they did it when DD#1 started.

 

There is also the issue of open enrollment deadlines (usually around the same time - Jan/Feb).

[k2bdeutmeyer]

He needs to get off his arse and start putting effort into making an INFORMED opinion instead of pontificating.

 

You have to do what is best for your kids.

 

This made me smile. I agree.

[meggie]

Maybe start a collection of all the horror stories of the happenings in public school? I guess it seems a little over dramatic, but bad things are happening in schools these days. I am from Littleton, Colorado. I was a freshman when Columbine happened. To this day, I've never been more scared in my life. And there was another school shooting in Littleton middle school earlier this year. I know it always seems like, "It could never happen here. It could never happen to us." But it did. Twice.

[Guest CarolineUK]

... but in a homeschool situation you can force a child to become more independent than in ps.

 

This has proved very true in our situation - we pulled DS9 from school sixteen months ago because of wild, irresponsible behaviour that his teachers couldn't control, while his elder brother, Mr Sensible stayed at school (and did well academically, I do concede). Fast forward to today, Mr Sensible is fairly chaotic and needs reminding to do just about everything, from picking up his pyjamas in the morning to remembering to take important homework into school. DS9 gets himself up, does his chores, makes himself breakfast and then gets on with whatever he needs to do next. It has been a long, sometimes painful process, getting him to this point (we've also had tons of fun along the way :D), but I do believe that homeschooling has helped him develop a sense of self-responsibility and independence in a way that the institutionalised setting of school has not allowed DS11.

 

FWIW DS9 will be going back to school sometime over the next six months, for lots of positive reasons, so we're not at all passionate anti-school homeschoolers.

[chiguirre]

Yes, she has a metabolic condition that does require frequent hospitalizations if we have a particularly sick year. Last year she was in the hospital once a month from October until March. This year we have only had one, in September :)

 

I'd check your school district's absence policy very carefully. Here in TX, missing more than a certain number of days (I think 11, but I'm not positive) even for a hospitalization means that your child will be held back unless you appeal to the school board. I knew someone whose son had a tonsillectomy and had to go through this process. That possibility would certainly make ps very unattractive as a parent.

 

In this same vein, could you convince your dh to be the "ps parent" and do all the paperwork/meeting/fielding phone calls from the school. DH was firmly opposed to hsing until I made him go to an IEP meeting in my place. It only took about an hour for him to opt out. :D

[Mallory]

So much of your story sounds like ours. (2) Older children who I homeschool (dh's step children), a current 4yo, and arguments about homeschooling.

 

My husband also thinks they will be missing out on fun things at school. One argument that helps here is that dh's graduating class was 36. 36!!!! Mine was over 600. So even to begin with we have such different ideas of what school was like (well except for the first 3 1/2 years when we went to the same school ;)- then I moved to a much bigger town).

 

In our current town, even in K there are around 150 kids/grade. That is a lot of little kids in one building :001_huh:.

 

We also have that whole step/bio issue. It isn't that dh isn't a great step dad, it is just that he is fine stating his opinion about the big boys and not getting as emotionally upset about when it comes time for the little ones.

 

I am not sure what we are going to do either. Quite frankly at this point we are almost at an agree to disagree. He will help with homeschooling and be positive and I'll help with his dogs (another huge issue we are having about dog breeding :glare:. I happen to think there are plenty of dogs and all pets should be fixed, and dog breeders are irresponsible, he has grand aspirations of founding an amazing line of Tree Walkers.)

[k2bdeutmeyer]

We have the same thing with class sizes. I graduated with over 500 kids, DH with 50.

[Tammyla]

Compulsory attendance in Iowa isn't required until the age of 6.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

In sympathy with your dh I have to say that the desire to be normal is overpowering to most people. Teaching your children at home is just plain weird to most people and media like Wife Swap make it weirder than it needs to be.

 

I also will say that not sending your kids to school does mean that they do not have the same experiences as the majority of our society. That is a big deal to some people.

 

I would flat out find out if dh's problem is

 

1) He doesn't want his family to be weirdos.

 

2) He wants his kids to enjoy the good part of school and it makes him sad for his kids not to take part in them.

 

I do think those would be legitimate reasons to avoid home schooling, but they are not realistic. For example, where I live more weird people go to ps than home school, and the bad parts of some schools far outweigh things like school carnivals and basketball games, ect.

 

My preferred compomise in your situation would be to try for the open enrollment and see if you can get it and do your best to make it happen, but homeschool as a fall back plan. He really shouldn't be able to argue about that. If your own school has issues that hurt your older child it would be crazy to even consider it on paper. Putting your family in debt for private school is not wise in my opinion. Especially since you should enroll both children in private school, not just his baby. Your child only has a few years of childhood.

 

:iagree: with a lot of this. My dh's main concerns were that the kids would not be normal, and would miss out on having a group of friends their own ages. He was also concerned that I would be burnt out and not happy "just" staying home and teaching the kids. After many talks, arguments, and forcing him to do some reading, and many bad incidents at the school, dh agreed to let me try homeschooling this year. So far, I think he sees that my stress level is so much less. I don't have to worry about all the problems ds1 was having at school. The kids are happy with homeschooling. I'm happy with homeschooling. The reactions he thought people would have about homeschooling have not been as horrible as he anticipated. Keep talking and see if he's willing to reevaluate after a year.