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last update on ds and gf

Denisemomof4
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Denisemomof4

Denisemomof4

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I just want to let everyone know how things worked out because you all were such a tremendous help before.

 

Ds's gf ended up coming to our home last night! And surprisingly, everything went SO smoothly and there was no discomfort. Before she came, I told ds that I had done some reading about shy people (here! All of you!) and that I feel so bad because I was trying too hard and I thought that made it uncomfortable. This is ds's first relationship and I did try really hard because I wanted to be liked. But I didn't realize that trying so hard was making this shy person uncomfortable. I think things would have been fine if she weren't here for a sit down dinner for Thanksgiving. Honestly, I'm NOT a shy person myself, but everyone gathered around the table can be VERY uncomfortable at times. So I told ds that we wouldn't do that again, and he agreed it would be best.

 

We talked some last night and watched a movie. It was wonderful! She thanked me for inviting her and I said she's welcome any time.

 

She came back this morning for apple pancakes and we all ate in the living room and watched tv. And really, it was just so comfortable for EVERYONE. We heated water for tea, made coffee, had the pancakes ready, and then let ds and gf get their own, to make the decision to eat at the table by themselves, fireside, or to come out in the family room and eat with the rest of us. They ate with us and I watched some tv and scanned my new vegan cook books (DROOL!) and it was just perfect.

 

I thought she would come over and be very uncomfortable because of what happened. She was actually MORE comfortable. We all were at ease and we went about our lives being polite and inviting, but not acting as though we had a visitor. We want her to feel like family here. I couldn't have asked for a better outcome. They are at her house now (ds didn't see her mom yesterday but for a few minutes) and I thanked her for coming and she thanked me for inviting her.

 

She's a DOLL!!! I do hope she can work through her issues because knowing how this sweet kid suffers with anxiety, etc. makes me sad. But she really is an absolute doll. I'm SO thankful we are able to put the past behind and move forward.

 

Thanks again everyone!!!

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parias1126

parias1126

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That is wonderful! I know exactly how you have felt! My DD is dating someone who is not shy, but just doesn't have a lot of words. I have just learned that this is his personality and have dealt with it. He does talk more now that it has been almost a year, but he is still very quiet and he needs to be talked to before he speaks most of the time. I have met his mother and she is the same exact way so I now know where it comes from. :D

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Denisemomof4

Denisemomof4

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thank you everyone! You're ALL so awesome! Reading everyone's responses moved me to tears!

 

When they left today I was so thankful she came over. I am so LUCKY she came over. It's ALL good. I'm so proud of how ds takes care of her. He's such a WONDERFUL boyfriend and will be a WONDERFUL husband. I reminded ds again today that I think she's an absolute doll and that I absolutely adore her.

:thumbup:

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Nakia

Nakia

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Your post brought tears to my eyes. I didn't respond to your other post about this because I didn't know how, but I thought a lot about my little Emma and how shy and quiet and tender she is. I hope one day, when she is old enough for a relationship, the man she chooses will have a sweet and kind mother like you who just embraces her and lets her be her. :grouphug:

 

Blessings, Denise. I'm so glad things worked out!

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Denisemomof4

Denisemomof4

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I'm so glad this worked out! Good job, Denise! :001_smile:

 

Good job, H. :001_smile:

 

Oh, Nakia, you must make ONE requirement of all future boyfriend/husbands for your daughters. The moms MUST frequent WTM. I never would have learned what I did had I not written here. I had NO idea she was being anything other than rude. Shy, yes, but I thought she was being rude. Now I *KNOW* she wasn't! If all your dd's suitor's moms came here, we could set them all straight. ;):D

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Nakia

Nakia

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Good job, H. :001_smile:

 

Oh, Nakia, you must make ONE requirement of all future boyfriend/husbands for your daughters. The moms MUST frequent WTM. I never would have learned what I did had I not written here. I had NO idea she was being anything other than rude. Shy, yes, but I thought she was being rude. Now I *KNOW* she wasn't! If all your dd's suitor's moms came here, we could set them all straight. ;):D

 

:lol:

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Denisemomof4

Denisemomof4

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I'm one of the "shy" ones that posted on your first thread.

 

WONDERFUL update! I have to give you major kudos for swallowing your pride and for being willing to step into someone else's shoes. That's not always easy. I'm so glad it turned out well for everyone. :D

 

actually, it wasn't swallowing of pride that turned things around, it was ds and gf being ok with it all and sharing the holiday with us. How blessed we are!!!

 

And, btw, it was dh who had to apologize, and he did, and I couldn't be happier. Today when ds was out with gf he even texted AND called me. I nearly:svengo:

 

Thank you for your help. It was the shy people and the moms of shy kids who REALLY helped me to understand H. a little better. I couldn't be more thankful to all of you, and everyone else who posted!!!

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