Birthdays, for adults do you celebrate?

[Guest KaciMI]

Curious about how folks deal with birthdays. We celebrated the children's, but it would wind down as the children became adults.I have friends that plan major parties for spouses, adult children, etc. and I have friends that don't even bother with cards for each other.

 

Also, I send my two married daughters a birthday card with a check inside, but only send my two sons-in-law a card. Just curious if this is ok.

Both live out of state.

[Melinda in VT]

As an in-law and a spouse, I appreciate that my parents and my husband's parents treat their kids and their kids-by-marriage the same. We live across the country from our relatives, and usually each get a card and a modest present or check from both my parents and DH's parents.

 

DH and I have close birthdays--three days apart--so we usually go out to eat on one of our birthdays and have cake on the other birthday. We buy each other gifts and sing "Happy Birthday." We don't do a big party.

[TN Mama]

We celebrate birthdays for all ages. I haven't planned big parties for my spouse, but we have gotten together with friends. In my circle of girlfriends we give cards or gifts and try to meet out for lunch or dinner.

 

My parents always send cards for mine and my husband's birthday. If we see them close to the birthday they give a gift, if we don't, they write a check.

[unsinkable]

Curious about how folks deal with birthdays. We celebrated the children's, but it would wind down as the children became adults.I have friends that plan major parties for spouses, adult children, etc. and I have friends that don't even bother with cards for each other.

 

Also, I send my two married daughters a birthday card with a check inside, but only send my two sons-in-law a card. Just curious if this is ok.

Both live out of state.

 

For adults, we have big parties on the years that end in zeros with extended family and friends. Other birthdays, it is just whomever is around. If DH has a bro or sis who is available, we might have them over for a small shindig. He has a huge family so it wouldn't be feasible for everyone to get together for every birthday.

 

For my brother, we call each other b/c we live 1,000 miles apart. :( No presents anymore.

 

ETA: My parents died when I was a teenager. DH's parents died in the last few years. I must say it hurt my heart a bit to see him get presents/checks from his parents and then get nothing from them on my birthday. My head understood, but my heart felt badly.

Edited December 11, 2010 by unsinkable

[Renthead Mommy]

Sure we celebrate. Any excuse to party!

 

It may be a bunch of people - we had a houseful over for my birthday this year. Other years we go to dinner/out with people, sometimes just us. One year we rented the movie theatre at the USO and invited a bunch of people and watched an old favorite movie. Depends on who's around, where we are living, what's available to do, what the weather is like (BBQable out). But yes, we celebrate.

 

We even celebrate other people's birthdays. Papa's in SC, we in NY. We won't see him on his birthday, but my son has made it tradition to go out for ice cream (a favorite of both he and Papa) on his birthday. It comes up for other's birthday's as well.

 

Card only to the inlaws is fine. Your kid is your kid, inlaw is inlaw.

[cathmom]

I think you should send checks to both your children and their spouses. They obviously know that the spouse is getting a check, and it may make them feel like you don't really like them.

[Guest KaciMI]

Guess I better step up. And send checks.

 

We did give both of them a car, one each. But checks once a year would definately be cheaper!

[AuntPol]

My husband and I don't have parties with the exception that I surprised him with a cake and balloons at his office one year and he threw me a surprise dinner party with just a few close friends for my 40th. We rarely buy cards, occasionally buy gifts (usually though we do some house project for the present lol). Occasionally the kids make a cake. We always go out to eat, either as a family or a couple.

 

My parents and sister always buy me a gift. My aunts usually send a check/gift card ($10-$20) or at least a card depending on their financial situation at the time. I buy gifts for my parents, sister, and usually my aunts. THe cousins don't exchange as a rule.

 

My parents and sister buy a gift for my husband. The rest of the family does not. I am not sure if they even know his birthday LOL.

 

My husband's father and stepmother send me a present in the mail, often things that are of sentimental value to her that she wants to hand down. Of course, his stepmom sends me coupons, writes me letters, etc. throughout the year. She is just wonderful. His mother and stepdad do not send me anything. They sent a card the first couple of years but then got mad at me and stopped. They usually send my husband a card w/ a check but sometimes just a card and sometimes nothing, depending on their mood. They also often forget the kids quite often (and my son shares a birthday with my MIL).

 

Right now, DH's sisters are not talking to us because DH "ruined" MIL's birthday because her present that they bought as a group arrived late (not due to him though). It's a crazy story that could make a thread of it's own LOL.

[JoyfulMama]

We do dinner, dessert, a couple gifts. My parents have made it a point to be here on my birthday the last few years. That has been really nice, as my mom and kids will make dinner and dessert.

[NanceXToo]

As an in-law and a spouse, I appreciate that my parents and my husband's parents treat their kids and their kids-by-marriage the same. We live across the country from our relatives, and usually each get a card and a modest present or check from both my parents and DH's parents.

 

Yes. My mother in law (who does not live local) always sends her son (my husband) AND me a card with a small check (like $20 or $25 tops) in it for our birthdays. My mother (who does live local) usually gets me AND my husband a small gift for each of our birthdays.

 

When it is one of our birthdays, we usually make a nice dinner, invite over my brother and sister-in-law and nephews (who live on our street) to come over with no gifts expected but just to enjoy dinner and a cake with us. Our birthdays are about 5 weeks apart so sometimes in between there we'll line up a sitter and go out and do something fun.

 

Once in a while I do throw a bigger party for my husband though- I had surprise parties for him when he turned 25 and when he turned 35, inviting family and friends and just having fun but it wasn't the kind of party where they were all expected to bring presence or anything, we just wanted their presence and food and drink and conversation and so on.

[eternalknot]

We celebrate on a very small scale - usually dinner out, dessert, and maybe a few small token gifts. I have a large extended family so it's always just whomever is around. Occasionally my birthday falls during the first week of Lent, and sometimes even on Ash Wednesday, so those years we move up my birthday dinner. My kids always abstain from eating out during Lent. My kids bake me a cake. My parents live around the corner from me, and always call ... plus mail a card ... plus pay for dinner ... plus give me a few small token gifts. My brother's birthday is a few days after mine, so we usually plan a night out - just us two (dancing, movies, whatever). My other siblings always call, send cards, and some send gift cards - usually my sisters LOL. My kids' dad always sends a generous cash gift, and will take our small family to dinner the next time he's in town.

 

For my husband's birthday, we do dinner ... kids bake him a cake ... we give him gifts. Nothing major, but definitely an acknowledgment of the day! My parents send him a card, and sometimes a small token gift. Really, though, we all know that their biggest gift is helping me raise his kids in his absence so he would never feel slighted if they stopped sending him a small token gift!

 

My inlaws still send me a birthday card, and they call, and I get gift cards (even though my husband and I have been separated for many years). They actually are more generous with me than they are with their own son - he usually gets a card and maybe $50 cash. They always send me a gift card to a restaurant, a gift card to Target, and a few hundred dollars. Mine isn't a typical situation, though, and I think they just feel guilty for their son and are trying to overcompensate. To their credit, they spent the first six years of our marriage really hating me and yet they still always acknowledged my birthday with a card and enough cash for dinner out with my husband and to do a small bit of shopping. Their other child-in-law gets $50 cash and a card, plus dinner out (they live local to each other).

[mom4him]

In our home we have just who lives here celebrating the individual bd. With the kids and grand kid I have one big party for all of them. There are 9 with grand kids and my two youngest and the birthdays are all within 4 months. I used to have a big thing for each of them but it just got to much.

For my older three and the two in laws I give them a present or a check but not very big, $25-50, depending on the year and where we are. We don't get together and celebrate those though.

I wouldn't dream of not getting my dil and sil the same as my other adult kids. They are my kids, call me mom, etc. I treat them all the same. If the year is slack for one then it is slack for all.:001_smile:

[daffodil]

Tomorrow is my DH's birthday. We're going to see Tangled with our daughter and having cake afterward. :)

 

I think it would be nice to send checks for your daughters' spouses. My MIL always acknowledges my birthday and makes a point of including me in everything, but my family doesn't do anything for DH.

[Ginevra]

Curious about how folks deal with birthdays. We celebrated the children's, but it would wind down as the children became adults.I have friends that plan major parties for spouses, adult children, etc. and I have friends that don't even bother with cards for each other.

 

Also, I send my two married daughters a birthday card with a check inside, but only send my two sons-in-law a card. Just curious if this is ok.

Both live out of state.

 

In my in-law extended family, we each hold a birthday dinner twice a year (works out that way for once a month). The birthday dinner is meant to acknowledge all birthdays in that month kids and adults. The under-18 kids get a gift from one aunt/uncle by name draw (the same aunt/uncle who had them for Christmas). Some of us send birthday cards to the other brothers/sisters in-law; most don't, or not routinely. Most will have a big party for adult "decade" birthdays; all the women go out to dinner when any of us turns 40. (I get mine next year! Yay! Sparkly 40 tiara for me!)

 

My MIL sends an equal cash gift to all her kids and sons/daughters in law. I have a lot of regard for her in doing it like that; makes me feel very accepted by her. :001_wub:

 

I do expect from my husband a little bit of special treatment for my birthday. He usually does gives me a gift and a few little gifts that the kids pick out, but I wouldn't particularly mind if he didn't give me a gift. As long as I get my special treatment!

 

I send cards to many friends for their birthdays. It really makes my day when I get a card from a friend.

[Ravin]

DH and his best friend have close birthdays, and they like to go out to dinner and get drunk. (DH gets drunk maybe 2-3 times a year, and this is one of them.) Sometimes I go along for the dinner (in years past there have been a variety of friends with similarly close birthdays who joined in), but not to the bar afterward.

 

I like to go have a nice dinner. DD thinks I have to have cake, so this year she made me one. I find by the time her birthday is over a month later, I've had it with cake until the next year.

 

DW#2 tries to spend it with her sons; they're older and not hung up on cake. Sometimes she goes over to her mom's.

[Snickerdoodle]

Also, I send my two married daughters a birthday card with a check inside, but only send my two sons-in-law a card. Just curious if this is ok.

Both live out of state.

 

Perfectly fine.

[In the Rain]

We celebrate with a nice dinner and a cake. I make dh carrot cake from scratch and he buys me something I like. We generally exchange token gifts and he writes me a sweet card. :001_wub:

 

Our parents and grandparents acknowledge our birthdays equally. One sends cards, two send checks, and one gives gifts. I know it means a lot to me that my inlaws include me, and not just my kids and dh. My dh probably wouldn't care as much, but I don't know for sure. He's not one to keep tabs or hold grudges, KWIM?

 

If you can afford to include your sons in law in the gift giving, they'd probably appreciate the gesture.

[dsmith]

We do immediate family with the occasional big party. Tomorrow is my bday, so dh is making prime rib.:D It will be us, mil, fil, and my mom. Dh and ds get me far too many presents! My inlaws treat me the same as their own kids as far as presents, as does my mom with dh. My inlaws will give me much more than my mom will. Mom just can't afford it. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and I don't want her to feel bad and spend more than she should. I wish the inlaws would do less - they really can't afford it either. I've asked for no presents to be given to me at dinner tomorrow. I just want everyone to enjoy the food.

[snickelfritz]

I must say it hurt my heart a bit to see him get presents/checks from his parents and then get nothing from them on my birthday. My head understood, but my heart felt badly.

 

This is my experience. After going through it, I will remember birthdays of my son-in-laws.

Edited December 12, 2010 by snickelfritz

[Murphy101]

My family doesn't do birthdays much for kids or adults.

 

Dh's family usually gets a gift, but no big deal is made over it for adults.

My mil usually gets us both a gift for our birthdays.

 

I think it's nice, but I wouldn't feel slighted if I didn't even get a card.

 

But I'm not big on my birthday anyways. Honestly I'm likely to not notice it's my birthdays unless someone says something. I truly just don't care about my birthday.

[QueenCat]

We don't have family living near us so adult birthdays are dinner out, and dessert at home. Except that I gave dh surprise parties for 30 and 40. When we lived in GA, friends usually went out with us. My parents and sister/bil send both of us gifts, of about equal value. So did my grandparents when they were still alive. My husband's parents don't send gifts to anyone over the age of 18, which I find bizzare, but to each his own, I guess (it's not a money issue). Sometimes they send cards or call. His one living grandparent sends cards to all but really can't afford to do gifts. We send gifts to my parents, sister and bil. We don't send them to dh's family because they've told us not to, that it's not done in their family, and made it clear it would not be appreciated.

 

When we have dils, we will give them gifts just like our sons, as they will become our daughters.

[LaissezFaire]

Amazingly one of my sons was born two days after my birthday and the other was born 5 days before my husbands so we always just piggyback on their parties. (sing and presents or whatever). We never have big parties for adults. Sometimes we might do a dinner out.

[Joyofsixreboot]

No

[katemary63]

We celebrate birthdays within our immediate family with a nice dinner, usually out but sometimes home made, cake and gifts - adult or kid. Of course little kids get little kid's parties, but older kids don't get parties unless they ask for one! (14 and up?) They've usually not wanted one. We would celebrate all birthdays with extended family if we lived close to some and/ or were close emotionally to others, but it turns out there's no one close by that we are close with. LOL. But, I certainly hope and plan that one day, when my kids all have kids, we will celebrate together everyone's birthday.

 

Also, my DS is the only one with a significant other, but once she was with him more then a year, we started giving her gifts identical to our own kids. My in-law kids will be considered my own and treated the same. However, if others don't do that, I don't think it's aweful. My mom doesn't give her kids' spouses the same gifts monetarily as her own kids because she can't afford it. It's doesn't bother any of us.

[Guest KaciMI]

I will definately include the sons-in-laws from now on, sending a check or present with their card.

[Night Elf]

DH sends his mom a check on her birthday. (Dad is deceased)

I send my mom flowers or Edibles Arrangements. (Dad is deceased and stepdad is .. well, nevermind, but he doesn't count.)

 

MIL sends a check to each of us on our birthdays.

My mom gets a little present for each of us on our birthdays.

 

We've never done big parties for our children, but then again we don't do big parties of any kind. For my kids, DH and myself, the birthday person gets to choose a restaurant for a birthday dinner and gets a few presents. My oldest is 18 but I imagine that when she's married, I'll be sending a check to both her and her husband on their birthdays.

Edited December 13, 2010 by Night Elf

[unsinkable]

This is my experience. After going through it, I will remember birthdays of my son-in-laws.

 

:grouphug:

[AnitaMcC]

Yes we do.

 

Dh and I always have a special dinner that the bday celebrant picks (kids and adults), we have cake and ice cream for desert and sing Happy Birthday song then the birthday celebrant opens presents.

 

On my side of family only my mom sends me a card and a small gift and my aunt (mom's SIL) sends me a card. No one else in my family do bdays for other family members. I send my parents and stepmom a card or I call them.

 

Dh's parents send cards and a monetary gift to each of their children/children-in-laws and grandchildren for Birthdays, Easter, Christmas, and Anniversaries, and for other special occassions (graduations, Baptism, 1st Communion, etc). They always send the same amount for every one for bdays and holidays. Dh's family also calls on bdays.

Edited December 14, 2010 by AnitaMcC