Met an old boyfriend.

[Garga]

I had my first boyfriend when I was 16 years old. Even though I was only 16, I loved him with everything I had. Yes, it might have been an immature love, but I was very serious about it.

 

Unfortunately, he had a crazy mother and she wasn't ready for her son to date, so as soon as the prom was over (she wanted him to have a date to the prom), she wouldn't let him see me or call me. He was only 17, so it ended.

 

I was heartbroken. I had never felt grief like that before and I have not felt it since. It's been 21 years.

 

He just showed up with his wife and kids at my church a few weeks ago. He didn't recognize me and I didn't recognize him until I found out his name. So I introduced myself to him on Sunday.

 

Ever since then, I've been feeling very sad, and I don't really know why. I was only 16, for goodness sake, and it's been 21 years. Looking back, I realize that it was for the best that it ended, because we weren't a very good match. At 16 I wasn't wise enough to know that. I dearly love my husband now and have no desire to have a friendship with this old boyfriend.

 

Why do I feel so sad? Is it normal? The first lost love is probably the hardest, so is it that I've just been reminded of those sad feelings? Am I weird? Can anyone relate to this? I was only a kid when I knew him. I'm a grown 37 year old woman. This is ridiculous, right? Am I being melodramatic? Or is it a normal reaction to suddenly seeing the person who had caused me so much grief when I was still practically a child?

[jld]

Probably anything that takes us back to our childhood will be a tender spot.

 

I'm sorry you're sad, but I'm glad you're with the right guy. :)

[lionfamily1999]

I'm guessing it's that 'could have been' and perhaps some mourning for lost youth.

 

I see my first boyfriend every once in awhile and I usually end up with this... it's not nostalgia and he hasn't turned out to be "all that and a bag of chips"... it's a hankering for being young and silly again I guess. That innocence.

[lmrich]

I think it just you remembering how nice love was before you knew the heartache and reality. Your first love is the only time it can be all roses and butterfly kind of love. Oh young love!

[Hedgehog]

I had my first boyfriend when I was 16 years old. Even though I was only 16, I loved him with everything I had. Yes, it might have been an immature love, but I was very serious about it.

 

Unfortunately, he had a crazy mother and she wasn't ready for her son to date, so as soon as the prom was over (she wanted him to have a date to the prom), she wouldn't let him see me or call me. He was only 17, so it ended.

 

I was heartbroken. I had never felt grief like that before and I have not felt it since. It's been 21 years.

 

He just showed up with his wife and kids at my church a few weeks ago. He didn't recognize me and I didn't recognize him until I found out his name. So I introduced myself to him on Sunday.

 

Ever since then, I've been feeling very sad, and I don't really know why. I was only 16, for goodness sake, and it's been 21 years. Looking back, I realize that it was for the best that it ended, because we weren't a very good match. At 16 I wasn't wise enough to know that. I dearly love my husband now and have no desire to have a friendship with this old boyfriend.

 

Why do I feel so sad? Is it normal? The first lost love is probably the hardest, so is it that I've just been reminded of those sad feelings? Am I weird? Can anyone relate to this? I was only a kid when I knew him. I'm a grown 37 year old woman. This is ridiculous, right? Am I being melodramatic? Or is it a normal reaction to suddenly seeing the person who had caused me so much grief when I was still practically a child?

 

I understand. I think it's quite normal. First foray into a serious relationship - and it was broken without your consent, without closure. Perhaps you're just reliving the hurt you felt at the time - it's probably a good opportunity to think over it, from your more mature perspective, and then move on.

 

I'm glad you're happy with your DH, and it seems that this ex-boyfriend is also happy with a family. All of which will make it much easier to work through - I'm sure you'll soon be on greeting terms with them and life will go on pretty much as before.

 

Hedgehog x

[kwickimom]

Dont want to get into my story, but I had the same feelings and sort of the same situation and its been 10 years. I am happily married with 3 kids.

 

I think young love is so much more passionate and new. With me, "he" was attached to major events in my life (graduating high school, starting college, the death of my grandma...) so my feelings on all those things are tied to him. I still dont feel fully over him and I will always love him somewhat.

 

The love and realtionship with my husband is different. I love him, obvioulsy, but it is nowhere near the excitement I felt when I was 17. Different times, different horomones.....

 

I dont think there is anything wrong with your feelings. They are what you feel.

[RanchGirl]

:grouphug:

 

There is something incredibly powerful about first love emotions!!!

[Michelle My Bell]

I think it is a combination of two things. First it is that you had an intense love with someone and second, it ended with that love still intact. I have this same situation and I am also 37 years old. Those feelings are/were real and that is why I am guarding my daughters hearts fiercely. It is a heartbreaking feeling isn't it. I wish I had a magic something that could make the feelings disappear. Just hope you don't have to see him again and focus on your family/God is all I can offer.

[hana]

I've been in the place you are now. I agree with the other posters about the power of the first love, and with its connection to so many important times of our youth.

 

You can read much more about the phenomenon you are feeling by googling "Nancy Kalish" and "lost love."

 

My re-connection experience was definitely a positive experience in the long run, but it temporarily put two otherwise-solid marriages in jeopardy.

[elegantlion]

Yup, I can relate. In my situation, sounds similar to yours, there was the air of the love being interrupted by circumstances beyond your control. It helps perpetuate the romantic portion and a shard of hope still lives. But in my memory we're all teens, not in our 40s with tons of life experience.

[jplain]

Totally normal. I'm head over heels for DH, but I have one of those too. It would never have worked out, but I never got closure. Contact with him makes me a little wistful, but the feeling always fades after a couple of days.

[Impish]

Another 'totally normal' vote.

 

I found out that the man I almost married *20 mins late for our city hall appt* died. Wolf came home to me in tears. He completely understood. :grouphug:

[Tree House Academy]

Sometimes I still feel sad when I think about my ex from high school. We were together for 3 years and it ended BADLY (as in, he was in the Marines and I got married to someone else while he was at boot camp because I got pregnant!) I wasn't sleeping around. I had a boyfriend and we were seperated, but we had been trying hard to reconnect. We had drifted apart when we went to college.

 

Anyway, he called me that Thanksgiving and asked if I wanted to come have dinner with his family, to which I replied..."I can't.......I am married....and expecting a baby." I had just seen him 6 weeks before that and I was NOT married and NOT pregnant. :(

 

A few years ago, a friend of mine saw this ex and talked with him. It was the first time anyone had seen or talked with him since the breakup and it had been about 11 years at the time. He showed her pictures of his wife and kids and asked about me - how I was doing, etc. She told him I had divorced and remarried and he told her to wish me well for him. It was closure, but I do remember feeling kind of sad.

[Garga]

Thanks guys. I am in no way interested in this guy, which is what made me confused about the sadness.

 

I think you're all right that it's just the memories of being young and first love where you don't know that it can end in heartbreak, so you fly into it without the brakes on.

 

I'm thinking that in a few days I'll be feeling pretty much back to normal. It just felt surreal to speak to this person after so long. It was like being in a dream or something. It didn't feel "real", and then afterward, there was suddenly this sadness.

[katemary63]

I don't know if it's normal or not. I had a very special boyfriend when I was age 13 -15. He was really sweet and just a nice, nice guy. He simply adored me. It ended badly, but it wasn't his fault. (long story - weird family stuff ). Then I moved away and I never saw him again.

 

I have been married for 27 years to the love of my life. I have no interest in ever talking to this guy. But every once in a while, I find myself googling his name. Why? I have no idea. After I do it, I feel like an idiot. It's been 32 years. I think it's really weird of me. But... who knows.

 

I'm sorry you're sad. I hope the feelings fade quickly.

[Denisemomof4]

Probably anything that takes us back to our childhood will be a tender spot.

 

I'm sorry you're sad, but I'm glad you're with the right guy. :)

 

:iagree:

[Liz CA]

Perhaps it's just grieving because there was no resolution to it. You two did not choose to end it, his parents did - not saying that is right or wrong.

 

Often there is a measure of grief attached to situations where you may feel

there are still loose ends.

[Nestof3]

I can get melancholy like you -- just hearing Same Auld Lang Syne takes me there. I feel that way about my old best friend (who I was also totally in love with). No, I wouldn't want to be married to him, but I miss the friendship.

[elegantlion]

Maybe it's that not so subliminal message from the Subaru commercial. :lol:

[caitlinsmom]

I totally understand. Everytime I am in touch with the ex it puts me in a funk for a while. I have no interest in him as an adult but it gives my young girl heart a tug every time. I agree with whoever said it, young love and innocence are powerful emotions to be reminded of.

[jujsky]

I think your feelings are totally and completely normal. I have sad feelings about my first love too. I love my husband with everything I have. He is my best friend and soul-mate. I know now looking back that it would never have worked with my first love. Still, when I think about him I grow nostalgic. I think part of it is looking back at the girl I was and the feelings I had. They were true feelings. I really was in love and it really hurt when things ended -- to the point where I was on a self-destructive path for a few years after. Just because you don't love him now and don't wish to be with him doesn't mean that you didn't love him once. I think there is a certain amount of sadness and nostalgia that goes along with that. :grouphug:

[ondreeuh]

I can't even imagine what it was like to see him suddenly, unprepared. No wonder you're full of emotions!

 

I too had the typical head-over-heels first love, but mine ended very very badly and there was no closure - I wanted some resolution but he refused. It was even worse because I am still close with his family. I did start googling his name a few years ago and found out that he has been successful in some ways, but he is also one of those people who writes inflammatory comments to news articles, railing against this and that. THAT finally brought me closure because I now longer see him as someone I have any common ground with. Maybe getting back in touch with your ex will help you put the past fully behind you. Hopefully he's a little bit of a jerk so that's even easier. (Kidding! Kind of ...)

[sparrow]

Maybe it's that not so subliminal message from the Subaru commercial. :lol:

 

I just saw that commercial for the first time last night and sat there for a second, did I just see that?! It's well done :lol:.

 

I think your feelings are completely normal. I know the feelings I've had can only be explained as wistful. It has nothing to do with the man he is today. It's about the feelings from so many years ago. I moved back to our hometown and he has several brothers who still live here, so we ran into each other last summer at the grocery store. I have to say, it WAS weird. I was in the checkout with my daughter and he was walked in with his SIL. We *immediately* saw each other from across the store, walked toward each other, and hugged. I couldn't believe how quickly we recognized each other. It's been 20 years! He sent me an e-mail the next day saying how great it was to see me and the next time he's in town we should get coffee and catch up. I hope we get a chance to do that some day.

 

He married the woman he broke up with me over. I was in high school and he met her at college. I'm not quite sure what I thought was going to happen with our relationship with him away at college, but somehow I didn't think of that :rolleyes:. In any event, we're both happily married with two kids. He's a high school principal, of all things! We're all grown up now. Seeing him just took me back to, for lack of a better term, carefree days.

[Nestof3]

Oh, I forgot to mention that I encountered one of my old boyfriends at the counseling place my dh and I were at. I had seen his name in the papers a couple of years prior. He is on the state s*x offender's list.

 

So, seing him there was a little weird. :001_huh:

[Sophia]

Another 'totally normal' vote.

 

I found out that the man I almost married *20 mins late for our city hall appt* died. Wolf came home to me in tears. He completely understood. :grouphug:

:grouphug:

[sparrow]

I had seen his name in the papers a couple of years prior. He is on the state s*x offender's list.

 

So, seing him there was a little weird. :001_huh:

 

Ew.

[Sophia]

...Those feelings are/were real and that is why I am guarding my daughters hearts fiercely. It is a heartbreaking feeling...

 

This is so true.

I want all my dc to guard their hearts for this reason, and I also pray they will meet others who have been diligent in this area as well, because while I understand these feelings, it's not what I wish for my dc and their future spouse(s.)

[sparrow]

The Subaru commercial mentioned previously. I think it's done so well, with nary a word of dialogue.

[Sophia]

The Subaru commercial mentioned previously. I think it's done so well, with nary a word of dialogue.

 

:svengo:

[lionfamily1999]

Thanks guys. I am in no way interested in this guy, which is what made me confused about the sadness.

 

I think you're all right that it's just the memories of being young and first love where you don't know that it can end in heartbreak, so you fly into it without the brakes on.

 

I'm thinking that in a few days I'll be feeling pretty much back to normal. It just felt surreal to speak to this person after so long. It was like being in a dream or something. It didn't feel "real", and then afterward, there was suddenly this sadness.

:grouphug: I know the feeling.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I encountered one of my old boyfriends at the counseling place my dh and I were at. I had seen his name in the papers a couple of years prior. He is on the state s*x offender's list.

 

So, seing him there was a little weird. :001_huh:

That'll make your skin crawl. Geesh!

The Subaru commercial mentioned previously. I think it's done so well, with nary a word of dialogue.

Thank you! That was funny.

[Nakia]

The Subaru commercial mentioned previously. I think it's done so well, with nary a word of dialogue.

 

Wow.

 

As to the op, my first love found me on facebook in January. We chatted on fb for about 3 days until I realized he was going through a messy divorce, was getting ready to come home for his 2 week R&R from Afghanistan, and he was trying to "hook up" with me. My marriage was in a bad bad place at the time, and it scared the crap out of me. So I broke off all contact. That could have been a disaster.

 

But I really understand the feelings of nostalgia and wistfulness. I remember so many beautiful and sweet moments from our relationship, and I treasure those memories. Sometimes I get stuck for a few minutes back in 1992/93, and my heart aches for that time and innocence. But I know we were not meant to be. My husband is the wonderful and kind man in the world, and he is perfect for me. I thank God every day for him. :001_wub: