What would you do with this boy?

[Twinmom]

I've already got a pretty good idea of what I intend to do with the offender this week, but since this is likely to be an ongoing theme I thought I'd ask how you all would handle this. Looking for some creative solutions/consequences/sanity- savers here! :D

 

Here's the scenario: DS9, a bright, accelerated fourth grader with no LDs (but who schools with younger twin brothers with LDs) is not getting his work done until darn near bedtime...almost every night for two weeks! :glare: To answer a few questions I know are coming: no, his work is not too hard for him, no, he is not hard up for attention due to the littles (yes, I'm sure! He gets more 1 on 1 time ;)), no, the work volume is not too high for him and yes, I am sure of no LDs and I'm sure he isn't sick! :D DS is a just a generally great kid with a high IQ but who is SLOW about everything he does unless he thinks there is a high-value benefit to speeding up (such as computer time!)...and whose incessant whining about any actual hard work is chipping away at my peace of mind! I usually start school by giving him the morning time to work with me individually on his core subjects. Then, I set out to work with the twins while he does his independent work. Today, I had to switch that around because his dawdling had put the twins so far behind in their work that I had to put them first for a day! So, at 6:30, DS is grounded to his room with four major assignments left to complete.

 

What would you do with my sweet, slow as molasses kiddo? I'd like to end this school year with my nerves and sanity intact. :tongue_smilie:

Edited September 30, 2010 by Twinmom

[Snickerdoodle]

Welcome to my life with a 9yo boy.

 

No answers, just :grouphug:

[Mom0012]

Well, have you tried letting him have some computer time if he gets his work done by 1:00? Or whatever time you think is reasonable?

 

Lisa

[Twinmom]

My boys are pretty addicted to the computer, so DH has laid down the law: no computer/Wii during the week. DS9 isn't motivated enough to worry about the weekend during the week, so threatening loss of weekend time rarely works (unless it is Friday!!!) :glare:.

 

I was afraid that all boys might be that way...oh, well! He did finish by 9:30 tonight, though! :D

[SnowWhite]

Can you create another high value motivator? Our family has high cholesterol, so I am in the midst of re-creating our schedule to include fun active time- ie the local park with fitness walk and duck pond. We've also been doing bike rides together. It helps perk up out of the doldrums mentally as well.

[Dandelion]

One approach that works with my 7yo DS is to tell him that if he can get XYZ assignment done in 10 min. (or whatever time is appropriate), he can do less than I would otherwise assign him.

 

For example, I'll give him a page of copywork (which is his least favorite type of assignment) and tell him that if he can get it done in 10 min., he doesn't have to do the additional page of copywork that I was planning to assign to him.

 

The extra work that he is able to "avoid" in this case is not really factored in to my lesson plan - it is "above and beyond" work (that I am absolutely willing to make him do if he doesn't get his initial assignment done in the allotted time).

 

By using this approach, he generally gets his work done in time (because he's motivated to avoid the extra work) - and if he doesn't get it done in time, he benefits from the "extra practice". ;)

[Pamela H in Texas]

I guess my question is what he's getting out of doing things his way. Is he getting attention? Is he doing what he pleases before getting it done?

 

I would do together what you need to do first and then let him work out finishing up. However, that means he does NOTHING outside of meals and bathroom until it's done. And that is even if the family is doing something else, meaning you may need a babysitter (who won't feel sorry for him and give him attention or let him off the hook) for some things.

 

Note: By this, I don't mean to forsake breaks. If you would normally put a break after math, still do THAT. However, break wouldn't be at 10am no matter what, but AFTER math. The reason I say this is because physical activity will help him learn so you don't want him going 8am to 9pm without any.

 

However, you might look into some other options because sometimes this is a matter of a bad habit.

 

a) For example, I might talk to hubby about 30 minutes of game/computer after his work is complete as long as it's done by X o'clock (something VERY reasonable).

 

b) Additionally, you may try breaking up the work a little so he can feel accomplished.

 

c) My ds needed a visual (he put a sticker on each box of the "lesson plan" as he finished so he could see exactly what he'd accomplished and what he had left.

 

d) you might try using a timer such as, "This work should take you 12-15 minutes. We'll set the timer for 20 minutes just in case. Get it done before the timer goes off."

 

Of course, he's NINE. You might talk to him and see what HE is thinking and what ideas HE has. In fact, I'd do that first, but hopefully a couple of these ideas will help if he doesn't have much to add.

 

BTW, another option: physical work in place of work (or if he needs a "break"). He could be going through a growth spurt and need more physical activity in order to "think straight." Getting a couple hours may help him do his work more efficiently. OR he may just do well to have a few weeks of physical labor instead of school. Of course, not everyone would be comfy with the latter. More people would probably be better with, "you may do X (physical work) OR get your math done in a timely fashion."

 

ETA: Like the poster above, with my friend's ds, I added work when he dawdled. The only concern with that is if he'll "get something" from the attention of adding the work.

Edited October 1, 2010 by 2J5M9K

[KJsMom]

This might not be the best plan for everyone, but with my dd I had to set a timer. I tried rewards for getting finished in time, but for her it worked better if she earned extra chores equal to the amount of time she went over.

15 minutes past the timer = 15 minutes of pulling weeds, picking up sticks in the yard, raking, etc. Physical chores made the difference.

Edited October 1, 2010 by KJsMom

[ChristusG]

I have found that DD6 does well with visually seeing how much work she has left before a break. So I start with sitting three piles on the school table. Today I set out a pile for Bible, a pile for speech, and a pile for handwriting. When those are completed, she gets a break to go and play with her little sister in the playroom. She can see the workload getting smaller because when we are finished with a subject, I put the books/papers back on the shelf.

 

When break time is over, I call her back into the school room and have more piles sitting on the table.

[Dobela]

Welcome to my life with a 9yo boy.

 

No answers, just :grouphug:

:iagree:

[Dawn in OH]

Welcome to my life with a 9yo boy.

 

No answers, just :grouphug:

 

Same here.

[Supertechmom]

I'm sorry I think my son sneaked over to your house today.

 

We are just winning the war on this and I don't think it is anything we did in particular (tried everything listed above). I think he just outgrew it. He still dawdles but now it's 2 or 3:00 instead of 7;30 , 10:00 or later.

 

I know No help but as he gets closer to age 10, the dawdling is decreasing. We stayed consistent with making him get done on time but I'm really not sure that did much but enforce we do mean what we say. (not a bad outcome at all) As to actually getting him to finish faster, I really think he just matured.

[naturegirl7]

I remember when I was that age - I would take HOURS to do my homework - usually ending in my mom yelling and me crying. No fun. It was not for attention, or cuz it was too hard. It was cuz it was too EASY. I was bored to tears. I was soooo bored that I simply could not focus to complete it. It did not motivate or challenge, so I had no incentive to complete it.

i bring this up cuz you stated that he was bright - perhaps he is just bored?

 

Also I am a firm believer in positive reinforcement/rewards instead of punishment. my DS is only 5, but a wiggle worm to the extreme and like his mama gets bored VERY easily. I found myself getting really frustrated when he balked and dawdled...and thenI caught myself and changed *my* approach. Lots more hands on stuff for lessons, and I don't hestitate to use a whatever "hook" I need to get him interested in a lesson. It may be a book, a game, a movie on netflix, or an edcuational computer game. Whatever works to spark his curiosity and make him want to learn more. We do take frequent breaks between activities - or whenever I see he is getting frustrated. A break is amazing - it blows of some steam and some energy and really helps to re-focus BOTH of us. Also I do lots of rewards/positive reinforcement. Not just praise, but actually rewards. DS loves being able to pick a discovery channel documentary to watch or play a special (educational) computer game. Finish your school work and it is "free time" Sometimes he picks computer, other netflix, and other times art. I know you said it was off limits during the week - but do you think you can revisit that issue? We have a no media rule in our house for during school time (unless I plan something) and it gets limited after school time. So far it is working really well for us....

[myfunnybunch]

Welcome to my life with a 9yo boy.

 

Yup, yup, yup.

 

I'd try to get him some good hard exercise before starting schoolwork, even if it means starting a little later. My dawdling dreamer focuses way better when he's gotten a good workout (swimming, brisk walk/jog, bike ride, playing soccer in the yard, raking leaves) for at least 15-20 minutes. I started working this in our schedule once I noticed that on the days my ds has morning karate class he gets his work done more quickly. I also make sure he gets physical activity between tasks, and sometimes in the middle of a long subject...running up and down the stairs three times, jumping jacks, how long will it take to run outside and touch the tree and make it back to the chair, race to the corner and back....

 

I agree with a couple others about the screen time too. Would your husband be willing to reconsider? Even if it's just 20 minutes to play, that more immediate high-preference incentive might help him stay on task.

 

Cat

[Pamela H in Texas]

I wanted to also say that it was about 10 yrs old that we had an experiment. I started watching a VERY active 2yr old. Between my kids wanting to play with him and him needing so much attention, we tried doing schoolwork SUPER early. We were AMAZED to find out that schoolwork started SO early takes considerably less time so where we thought we were just starting earlier and going to do what we could through the morning and then during nap time, we found that we could finish almost all of it before kiddo got to the house! What takes 5 hours when you start at 9, takes 3 hours if you start at 5!

 

I really wondered about this. But when my ds used the k12 program through the state, he got up early so he could take regular breaks and such, but not be doing schoolwork into the evening (usually). He also saw that starting earlier meant finishing earlier and not just by how much earlier you start, but that there is some super speed available in the wee hours of the morning.

 

Anyway, there have been other threads and we're not the only ones who have found this to work. So that may be another option either as a method in and of itself OR as "well, *I* don't want to deal with you doing schoolwork at 9pm, so we're going to get up early to help you finish at a reasonable time. We can adjust it as your work starts getting done in a timely fashion if you'd like." Of course, you have to be willing to continue it if he decides he'd like to go this direction.

[RoughCollie]

This worked for a long time after I tried everything else known to mankind short of doing anything physical to DS1.

 

I gave each child a written schedule of exactly what he was to be doing for each hour of the day. If math was scheduled from 11-12:30, that's all that child would be doing, and he would do math at no other time unless he wanted to use his ample free time to do it.

 

I scheduled getting dressed, making the bed, brushing teeth 3x a day, showering, karate lessons, boy scout meetings, library visits, chores, eating 3 meals and 2 snacks, schoolwork, travel time, getting ready to travel time, bedtime, waking up time, and FREE TIME (in all caps on the schedule, in bright blue). If the kid had an appointment that was not recurring, it showed up on the schedule on the appropriate day.

 

I tried to schedule everything that recurred at the exact same time every day. This wasn't always possible because every day didn't look the same due to non-recurring appointments or karate only 3 days a week. But the karate days all looked alike, unless one of them was also a boy scout day.

 

I put in meals and personal grooming first, then school time, then fit everything else around those.

 

My own schedule was compiled after the kids, so I could tweak everyone's schedule to fit in the time they needed to spend with me. For instance, if DS2 needed help with math every day, then I had to be available for him during his math time -- which could not occur when I had to do something else, like cook dinner or take DD somewhere or help someone else with something else.

 

The kids loved it to my complete surprise! (I was the only one who hated being tied down to a detailed schedule.) Everything went more smoothly for a long time because of those schedules. I also scheduled in running (weather permitting, usually races) or physical exercise every two hours of school so the boys would have a way to get the wiggles out. I scheduled in 5 minutes between subjects for putting things away, going to bathroom, getting a drink.

 

I gave demerits for non-compliance (talking, joking, daydreaming, dawdling). Every 2 demerits = 1 chore, starting with cleaning a toilet, done immediately up receipt of the 2nd demerit.

Edited October 1, 2010 by RoughCollie

[choirfarm]

Where does he do his work and what is he doing instead of his work: sitting and daydreaming, reading a book, playing in his room? I guess I would sit him at the kitchen table with his work and he could move until he had completed x, y, z. I have to do this with my daugher. She has to do 4 or 5 things and then can have a break, otherwise she sits at the table until it is done. It works quite well. And she has discovered on days she wishes, that she can finish really early if she really wants to.

Here's the scenario: DS9, a bright, accelerated fourth grader with no LDs (but who schools with younger twin brothers with LDs) is not getting his work done until darn near bedtime...almost every night for two weeks! :glare: To answer a few questions I know are coming: no, his work is not too hard for him, no, he is not hard up for attention due to the littles (yes, I'm sure! He gets more 1 on 1 time ;)), no, the work volume is not too high for him and yes, I am sure of no LDs and I'm sure he isn't sick! :D DS is a just a generally great kid with a high IQ but who is SLOW about everything he does unless he thinks there is a high-value benefit to speeding up (such as computer time!)...and whose incessant whining about any actual hard work is chipping away at my peace of mind! I usually start school by giving him the morning time to work with me individually on his core subjects. Then, I set out to work with the twins while he does his independent work. Today, I had to switch that around because his dawdling had put the twins so far behind in their work that I had to put them first for a day! So, at 6:30, DS is grounded to his room with four major assignments left to complete.

 

What would you do with my sweet, slow as molasses kiddo? I'd like to end this school year with my nerves and sanity intact. :tongue_smilie:

[Tidbits of Learning]

I have 4 kiddos and my dd9 is the exact same way. If we go on her timetable, I have no idea how I can teach all of the kids. This year instead of having rotten days, stressed and frazzled Mommy, and siblings waiting for me to get to them....I have set times for each class and lesson. So she has 30 min. to do whatever assignment in Language Arts or 45 for math...at the end of those 30 min. she has to put that assignment up and it becomes *gasp* homework!

So now if I am working on LLATL with ds7 and dd9 is dawdling through her Wordly Wise (independent work), when I go to start LLATL with dd9 and she isn't through...she has to put her Wordly Wise to the side. I do this for all her subjects. If she isn't through when it is time for me to be back to her for another subject, then it becomes homework.

She is working faster. She does not always finish before her time is up. I don't think a bit of homework is killing her though. Her speed is improving and she is definitely making more effort. It puts her responsible for how much free time she loses.

I make homework alone time. It is after all of our other school work is finished. That way she realizes that she needs to be finishing in the amount of time given. She has a lap desk and goes to the hallway alone if I have things going on in the kitchen (we school at the kitchen table). There is nothing to look at in the hallway besides the wall. There is nothing to do besides your work. She can still see and hear the other kids playing, watching tv, and having fun. She is more inclined to work than to sit there listening to them have a good time b/c they are through with their work.

Homework seems to be a reality check to her that she isn't causing anything to change in "our" homeschool day by dawdling. She is the only one who is put out by having to finish homework during free time. I do not get stressed, mad, or upset and lecture about the dawdling any more. I just merely move her books to the side and we move on through our day. She, however, has a stack of books waiting for her during play time.

[Snickerdoodle]

we found that we could finish almost all of it before kiddo got to the house! What takes 5 hours when you start at 9, takes 3 hours if you start at 5!

 

Unbelievably, we've had the same experience.

[bookfiend]

Is he stalled by perfectionism perhaps?

[EKS]

Around here there is no screen time until school work is done.

[Alyce]

I've found that if I pick curriculum I think will work it sometimes backfires and then they take long to finish because it just isn't interesting and it makes them blah and they take forever to do schoolwork. I had this happen to both my students. We sat down and talked about what they didn't like about the curriculum and what they thought would be good for them. I began letting them see descriptions of what I liked or thought he might like and we discussed it. They didn't always get their way but since he has a high IQ my first question is it challenging enough and he's acting out and taking so long because it's too boring for him. If that's not it, I would set a reward system for him.

[elfgivas]

:grouphug:

 

it could be a ton of things, and trial and error may be what it takes. you've had lots of good suggestions.

 

for a long time, i folded laundry, sorted mail, etc, etc near one of our dds while she did her individual work so that i could redirect her attention back to what she was doing. now, at age 10, i just pass through wherever she is working carrying laundry or whatever, about every 10 minutes. just seeing me helps her refocus if she has wandered in her mind.

 

she also has trouble focusing if she is in the same place for long. i recognize this. so we do language arts in one room, math in another room, sometimes even outside, etc, etc.

 

we have used smarties (m and m's) as a reward. do five math problems, get a smartie. do another 5, get another one. she can zip through math that way. i also use the "here are 10 problems. if you do them all in 10 minutes, showing your work and they are correct, you can stop there. if not, you will need to do more."

 

hth,

ann

[WTMCassandra]

I have a boy like this. He has two speeds: slow and stop. And his slow is nowhere near the speed of the rest of the world. He is slow at EVERYTHING, not just schoolwork.

 

The only thing that works is a timer. For each little milestone. And me pushing him forward. It's exhausting.

[simka2]

I have one twin just like this. I know many will not agree with this, but here is 1 of the things I do.

 

With growing boys our schedule revolves around food. Snacks, meals...think hobbits!!!

 

So, if he has math, spelling, reading and handwriting in the am...it has to be done before snack. If you push to far towards lunch...no snack :( Same in the afternoon and before bed) Yes we do a lot of snacks and treats, but my kids are tooth pics :) Now, meals are a given...but snacks are total extras and it really stinks when everyone else gets the bagle bites, and you don't!

 

Maybe he doesn't have enough chores...? If my kids need me to sit on them to do their work, that means there is other things I could be doing. Those things then fall to them. Yes, I explain that to them. "If mommy needs to sit here with you, then I am not going to get the laundry folded. So, you will now be folding the laundry when you are done with school. Or, you can buckle down and get this done, while I am folding laundry."