I need christian help for my son....

[ktgrok]

He's 11. He says he believes in God/Jesus. But it's all on an intellectual level. He doesn't see how it impacts his life (his words). This is totally my fault. I've not been serious enough about his christian education, and I know it. I'm trying to make up for that now. We are using TOG and I'm hoping that will help. But what other resources are there? Any movies that would work? I think that would work better than a book, although i'm open to a book if it is interesting.

[happi duck]

We really like the movie Flywheel. The main character sees that his life doesn't match his beliefs. I don't know if this fits exactly but you could preview and see if it would help your situation.

http://www.flywheelthemovie.com/story.php

[Terabith]

As someone who has had this same struggle for all of my life, I have to say, I don't think there IS a book or a movie that will help. His issue is not intellectual. It's not the fault of a lack of Christian education. I think sometimes we confuse faith with emotion, and we think if we don't have this emotional thing, that we don't have faith.

 

Prayer helps, both from you and from him. And, maybe if there is a pastor, a good pastor who talks a lot about grace, that would be good, to have an ongoing mentoring type relationship.

[simka2]

I'm gonna suggest a book for you. It's called Families Where Grace is in Place. I really like this book, and dh and I use it alot for family counseling :D. Hope that helps!!!

[FO4UR]

You can't "teach" this one.

 

The #1 influence is a clear vision of God's impact in the lives of his parents. My nice and neat answer is "be more transparent." (easier said than done, I know)

 

It's his faith or lack thereof. As much as you love him and teach him and train him, you (as in all parents) can't really push a child into having their own faith. Your faith does, however, greatly influence their perspective.

 

 

If you were to require anything, I would pick a book of the Bible to study together and discuss...and then another book, etc... It *has* to be an open discussion though, b/c the fastest way to turn a kid off forever is to demand he believe as you believe or accept your interpretation as truth. Let him question, and don't be intimidated that he might leave you without an answer. If he comes up with something you disagree with, ask him how he came to that conclusion...never *tell* him he's wrong. Let him find that himself. Require him to show you the same respect.

 

Don't panic! It's a *good* thing to go through this in the safety of home. My dh has served as YP for several years, and that's the experience from which I speak...my own dc are very young. So, take with a grain of salt.;)

[Starr]

When you have a pretty good childhood it's harder to see the emotional side. He'll get there. And the fact that he really factually believes is really important. I also think we should be doing more outreach with middle schoolers and teens. This is something I'm trying to sort out myself. Teens need action. Keep praying. Your guy will be fine.

[Sophia]

Kate, if he believes in God on an intellectual level, then I don't think you are lacking in education, but in application.

How does God impact his life? Your life? Your husband's?

 

We let our dc know how God impacts our lives on a daily basis.

Dh is self-employed, and when the phone starts ringing after a slow period he makes sure the kids know God provides what we need when we need it.

 

I pray with the little ones daily and give thanks for specific things that happened in their day; the older ones are asked to pray aloud (and model for the younger ones) giving thanks for what God has done for them.

We ask for wisdom and say "I wonder what God's doing now?" when we don't understand something.

 

I grew up in a home where God was for Sundays only, and so didn't see His relevance in my life for decades. I wanted to make sure this didn't happen with my own dc.

 

If you are looking for books though, Family Driven Faith by Voddie Baucham is excellent.

[Rosie_0801]

How does he want his life impacted? It could be that he hasn't stopped to think about all those things that "just are" as being due to God's intervention. Maybe he just needs a little training in the Christianese dialect.

 

Rosie

Edited September 1, 2010 by Rosie_0801

[ktgrok]

Thanks, wow, so much to think about. I think I need to be alot better about showing him how God impacts my life. I did tell him today about how we were NOT supposed to be able to get a mortage, but God provided and we got one on a technicality that was nothing short of a miracle. I need to talk to him more about praying. He also thinks the whole God thing is boring!!! I'm hoping that reading through the Bible in TOG is going to open his mind a bit more in that regard. We read part of Exodus yesterday and discussed it and I think he is finally realizing that these were real people with real lives.

 

He feels church/God is for adults. I asked around and found a youth group put on by another church of the same denomination and I'm going to take him to that. He would be one of the youngest and I think that is really good, he can have some role models in this. (I know the youth pastor's wife it turns out, and will be there to keep an eye on things just in case). I think I've made church something we HAVE to do, and harped so much on behavior in church I've ruined it. And our church has very few kids his age, although that is changing. They just announced they will now have a 5th-7th grade sunday school group, so that should help. I am going to look for some of these books!

[Laurie4b]

The biggest impact you can have on him is your own life (Same with your dh). If he sees you both living out your faith, loving God & loving people in ways that make you different, that will have the biggest impact of all.

 

I don't think TOG or any curriculum will make much difference one way or the other--and I like TOG--just that curriculum can't do what you're wanting. I would be more concerned with whether your son sees you and dh pray fervently, whether he sees you read the Bible and you've taken time to teach him the Bible, and whether he sees you sacrificially loving people, including the poor. If you're doing all that, it's probably just a maturity issue. He's getting to the age in which he'll have to make the faith his at a new level.

[Dobela]

The biggest impact you can have on him is your own life (Same with your dh). If he sees you both living out your faith, loving God & loving people in ways that make you different, that will have the biggest impact of all.

 

QUOTE]

I agree with this and what so many others have said.

 

You can also encourage him to start a prayer journal. Or maybe you can keep one together. Periodically go back and look at your/his prayer requests and see how God is answering them. That for me was one of the biggest encouragers.

[Carol in Cal.]

Faith is more than belief; it is belief and trust.

 

If you are calmer because you trust God, show him that.

 

I don't think that trust or belief in God requires or even necessarily produces miracles--those are more like dessert than like solid food.

 

But the fruit of the Spirit is key. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control--these are what the Spirit is producing in us, like fruit on a tree.

[Alphabetika]

When you have a pretty good childhood it's harder to see the emotional side. He'll get there. And the fact that he really factually believes is really important. I also think we should be doing more outreach with middle schoolers and teens. This is something I'm trying to sort out myself. Teens need action. Keep praying. Your guy will be fine.

 

:iagree: I absolutely agree with this, and I would add, don't beat yourself up. He's young. Faith is a very abstract concept and many kids don't fully "get it" until they're in their later teens, which is, of course, only the beginning of a lifelong Christian journey. (That is, "getting it" for the first time doesn't mean you've "got it" completely - there is always more to learn.) Pray for him and continue to teach him, plus, as the poster above said, make it real for him by action and service.

[Brenda in FL]

Not a book or a movie - but like the others said - He needs to see the difference Christ makes in your life. He probably does see it - he just doesn't know to attribute it to God, that's where you come in - involving him in the discussion of how your faith plays out in both the good and the bad.

 

There is one book you can read! The Bible! I see on your blog that you are studying Ancient History. I think TOG does much in reading about the Old Testament stories of God's faithfulness to his people. Let your son know that He is still the same God today and still faithful to His people, not just the Israelites of OT times - but to those who still confess him today!

 

I suggest that you have a separate Bible/Devotion time from your history studies where you can focus on some NT readings from Paul's letters that you all can apply to your lives today - that might help him to see the relevance of a faith in God in his own life.

 

At age 11, kids often have a hard time comprehending and communicating about the Christian faith. They know all the Sunday School answers but don't understand how that's supposed to play out in real life - they know that they sin everyday, and that they want to sin and that's completely opposite of what they've learned in Sunday School/church. Christians are supposed to love God and not want to sin! (yeah - right!) Pray that God would open his eyes, mind and help him to understand. Explain that the struggles with sin he goes through are the same you go through. Explain how God's grace helps you to overcome those temptations and helps you to want to overcome those temptations.

 

Don't worry about emotion or feelings - this can be a great deceiver. Instead, worry if he does not understand the character of God, worry if he has no desire whatsoever to please God. Worry if he has an unrepentant and rebellious attitude. It sounds like he wants to understand and go deeper than just knowing the facts. That's a great start!

 

I think it's great that your church will be providing a class for his age group. Make sure to follow up on the topics each week. And as for the youth group at the neighboring church, that can be good or bad - just be wary and be sure its the right situation for your son. (Youth groups have been discussed at length in other threads!!) But I would not rely on the youth group to do what's best done in your own home.

 

Here's some encouragement for you: Deuteronomy chapter 11, especially verse 19!

[Guest]

Hmm..I come from a different religion than you but perhaps what I say may help.

 

First, I agree with all everyone else has had to say. Make prayer a bigger part of your personal and family life. Daily devotions to start the day are a ritual here. We read from our scripture story book (I have littles and olders but they all enjoy it.) sing a song and pray for God's blessing on our day. We pray when we eat, when we see accidents on the road, homeless people, stray animals..you name it, we pray for it.

 

The other thing I would suggest is pointing out when you or he feels God's love. In our Church, we call this feeling the influence of the Holy Ghost. It is important for him to notice how God is there impacting his life when he feels that peace or a warning. Pray to know what is right, if the Bible is true. These things bring that peace and love from God to your son. Then point it out. "That feeling of peace you feel now is God's love for you." Encourge him to pray about choices he needs to make. I am sure you have already taught him he is important to Him and about Christ's Atonement for him personally.

 

11 is young and it is a good thing he is questioning his beliefs now in the safety of your home where you can still influence him for good. It shows what a wonderful relationship you have with your son that he can share his feelings with you about this.

 

May God bless you as you work with your son to help him be more like His Son.

[Guest janainaz]

He needs to live life and find the truth of God through his life experience, not someone elses. God is love, love is meant to be experienced, not just read about. Before I became a mother, I could not explain the real love of a mother until I experienced it. I could intellectually understand, but I could not know firsthand until I felt it.

 

I think society has been trying to do things backwards and therein lies the frustration. I tell my kids that I feel and experience God every time I hug them - that is just one way. There are many ways to experience God. Kids are capable of experiencing Him and God does not need our help in explaining him away with books and words. He's God for crying out loud - why is this big God so belittled? Parents and people make themselves all too powerful in trying to communicate something that is supposed to be free. Yes, good comes out of bad, and it appears God allows certain things to take place and there is a divine reason for everything, but we tell kids all kinds of things that I believe are not true about God at all. So, the best way to experience God is to love someone else. You can not go wrong by just starting with that simple truth.

 

I'm careful with what I say about what God is involved in, because I think we have that all screwed up too. For example, is it God that provides our needs? I don't know. Children suffer and mothers watch them die, so is God NOT providing for their needs, while we stock our pantry with more than enough food? Is he loving me and taking care of me while turning a blind eye to another human being? Or when something bad happens do I blame God and say he caused it in the same way I give him credit for the good things? If I do a good deed, and then a good deed comes back to me, do I say God paid me back? When you start thinking that way, it changes the motive to do good. But people have become very quick to tell their kids things that make no logical sense -even to a child.

 

So when it comes to learning about God, I think the less you tell kids that you know, and the more you show them love and point out love when it's taking place, the better able they are to experience God as he is, not what we decide Him to be because of someone else's perception. God is big enough to communicate with the heart that he created to begin with.

 

Maybe all this 'educating' that we do is what causes many children to question everything they have been told when they become a young adult.

[KellyGirl]

"These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads." Duet. 6:6-8

 

I totally get what your ds is saying and agree that it's not so much an intellectual issue. We have to be purposeful in passing on an authentic faith to our children. So, primarily he needs to SEE how his faith affects him. And...I want to say this as gently as possible - but it is possible that his faith doesn't affect him as much as it should. So many people in America today are what a previous poster called "Sunday Christians". Perhaps he senses this and knows it isn't quite right.

 

There is a book sitting on my shelf waiting to be read called The Core Issues, Authentic Living that Impacts the World by Christine Caine. I'm thinking that if you were to dive into something like that, or some basic apoligetics (like Apologia's Who is God) it could help him to see how his faith should affect his life.

 

I pray that you will have wisdom as you guide your son down the path that God has laid for him.

[dallas12]

I like what renowned Christian Philosopher and Theologian Dr. William Lane Craig said about this issue in one of his weekly Q&A's. You can sign up to receive these at his website below. They are always very deep and profound. The question is below, but you have to go to the link below for the response, since it was too long to post.

 

http://www.reasonablefaith.org/site/News2?page=NewsArticle&id=8018

 

 

 

Subject: What Does It Mean to Have Relationship with God?

 

 

 

Question:

 

Dr. Craig,

 

I am a philosophy student and an ex-Christian. I lost my faith during my undergraduate education upon realizing that I had accepted my faith without reflection. Like many others my age, I abandoned my worldview and embarked upon a search for answers. The search quickly took on an intellectual character that eventually led me to the joys of philosophy (which, I am happy to say, I have chosen as my career path). And having had a taste of good philosophy and good apologetics, my doubts about Christianity have been intellectually satisfied.

 

Yet despite my admission that God exists and that Christ was resurrected, I have absolutely no idea what it means to have a relationship with God; the concept is completely mysterious to me. What does it mean to trust God? And for what? Why talk to God? What would one say? What would one hear? What is expected of me and what should I expect of God? Is there a unique experience to such conversations or should one pray despite the feeling that no one is listening?

 

What's worse, however, is the feeling that I am motivated not by love but by expectation. That is, I grew up in the Church and had it impressed upon me that a relationship just comes with the territory of belief. I now believe, so I am expected to begin a relationship; I don't otherwise feel led to cultivate a relationship to God.

 

The things the bible says about the matter seem mysterious or rely too heavily on a human relationship analogy (e.g. surely the Father-son analogy only goes so far given God's hiddenness and permission of suffering). And as for Christ's death, I must admit that I have difficulty feeling grateful for His sacrifice since many parts of the justification story are in tension with my intuitions on justice (e.g. substitutionary atonement).

 

I understand that these aren't very well formulated questions but that simply indicates my confusion on the matter. Any reply will be greatly appreciated.

 

Thank you,

Mark

 

p.s. "Philosophical Foundations for a Christian Worldview" got me into philosophy. So thanks for that as well.

[mhg]

He's at the perfect age to start reading some good missionary biographies.

They'd be interesting to him and he'd get to see what a soul surrendered to Christ looks like. Let's see.....there's David Livingstone, Adoniram Judson, Hudson Taylor, William Carey, John Paton, Jim Elliott, and so on. It'd be hard to read about these men and not be moved. Another great book would be Fair Sunshine or Fox's Book of Martyrs. I'd assign him a missionary biography per month for several YEARS and see how this affects his thoughts. Chariots of Fire (Eric Liddell) story may be good too (there's also good books on Liddell). I'd surround him with great men of the faith. Age 11 is the PRIME time for this.

 

Also, tune him into www.rzim.org (Ravi Zaccharias' radio broadcasts and others such as David Jeremiah, Michael Useff, etc.).

 

Also, I'd begin studying WITH HIM the book "THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO JESUS" by John MacArthur. IMO it's a must-read for all believers.

Edited September 1, 2010 by mhg

[Teachin'Mine]

Here's an absolutely beautiful book which may help.

 

http://www.amazon.com/He-I-Gabrielle-Bossis/dp/2890398072

 

Family prayer would be great too if you're not already doing that. :) A good youth group would also help him to see how others view their faith and are excited about their relationship with Jesus. Kids learn well from their peers. :)

[Remudamom]

Ditto Sophia.

[bethben]

Have him go on a mission trip and experience God for himself. Have him serve others as a Christian. Make his faith a real experience where God has to come through on something or it just doesn't work. Have him pray for people. Our 9 year old son has similar questions and it is not a bad thing to have them, but we know that he needs to experience God and His power otherwise, it will be harder to know beyond doubt in his head and heart that God exists and cares for him. This is why TOG has so many hands on projects - because the doing not just the reading solidifies the learning. So, have him be God in the flesh for others and solidify what he has learned through reading. (spoken by a former missionary)

 

Beth

[milovany]

Katie,

 

I logged myself out of WTM for a time (to focus on things needing to get done here), but your post has been on my mind and heart for a couple of days. You've gotten some good advice, but I wanted to add another aspect if no one has mentioned it yet (if I missed it and this is repeat info., please forgive me).

 

Is the church you are a part of sacramental in nature? I'm not thinking of symbolic baptisms or communion, but a church where meeting God through his creation is literal and real? For us baptism is a literal washing in water and the Eucharist is the real presence of Christ. These are capital-S Sacraments, but there's also the sacramental life -- which is more what I'm thinking of with this post. Things like candles, incense, priestly vestments, anointing with oil, icons, chanting/singing, etc. all bring the Godly into the senses of touch, taste, sight, smell and hearing so that worship becomes an all-encompassing, holistic practice and not just something we "get" with our minds or a role we fill or a group we're a part of. I hope that makes sense. Here's a short paragraph from this article on the Sacramental Life:

 

The Holy Mysteries are no mere signs or symbols; they are not just external indications of the presence of some invisible reality. A Sacrament is the Divine presence, just as the man Jesus Who walked among men 2,000 years ago was God Himself incarnate. When some portion of this created world (a cup of wine, a piece of bread, a vial of oil, a touch upon the head, etc.) becomes a Mystery, it becomes thereby “of God”; it is divinized; it becomes the real and present location of that continuing presence — of Christ, and in some sense it is Him.

Our family converted to the Orthodox Church, which is sacramental, this year, and it's been *amazing* how viewing and living life this way begun changing us and our relationship with God. Our kids (seven of them ages 16 down to 2) absolutely LOVE it and we're so glad that they are experiencing a real, living faith with deeply historical roots. They are excited, daily, about faith and church and worshiping the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

 

So I thought that perhaps this might be something you want to check out for your son (and you, if you're interested). Maybe a faith that is hugely "hands-on" would be good for this situation.

 

Thank you for reading my post.

Edited September 2, 2010 by milovaný