mcconnellboys Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder, Like a continental soldier? Tell me, do your booKs hang low? All you under 40's may hit eject now, as I need commisseration from those who can relate..... Please allow me to preface this request for help by saying that I possess a pair of the smallest volumes currently in print, so never expected to have any problems of the sort I'm experiencing. In fact, it has only been in the last few years that gravity has required that I keep them shelved at all times, so I am mystified by the current state of affairs. I really don't wish to discuss this with those I know in real life, but I'm apparently willing to share with the world, on the hope that we'll never meet, or that if we do, you'll pretend you never read this - or at least learn to approach me from the left, as a protective measure. So, to the problem. Isn't it true that a feather and a lead ball thrown from a tall building will land at the same time? Then wouldn't it seem that two objects that have always appeared to be of the same circumference and mass would be equally affected by the toll of gravity? Why, then, does one of my volumes remain shelved, while one is attempting to topple into the basement? I know that the human body is not perfectly symmetrical, but still.... Even when you gain weight in a particular area, pairs of appendages don't generally grow completely out of sync with each other, so WHAT the heck is happening to me? Is there a surgery that can correct such an anomoly, or am I destined to have to have all mirrors removed from my bathroom and shore up one strap of my foundational garment as far as it will go? (I already feel like I'm wearing an elevator shoe.) Did I make some grave error in nursing my children lop-sidedly? Should I have set a timer and adherred to it fastidiously? Having never had to consider these volumes over the course of my entire life, I'm currently becoming more and more exasperated with the one we shall call The Saggy, Baggy Elephant..... Is there any hope of repair short of surgery? Help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CookieMonster Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Girl, you are funny. :lol::laugh: Even though I'm nowhere near 40, I can commisserate. Mine have always been saggy - from the age of 17. Niiiice, let me tell ya. If I ever wear a regular bra, people think I've gone braless for the day. My solution is foam cup bras. Wonderful, them things are. They lift like nothing else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 The cheer "We must! We must! We must increase our bust!" comes to mind. I'm no help. I've been a 36 long since I was in my early twenties. When he was about 3, my son walked in on me when I was drying off after a shower. He asked me, "Mom? I'm a boy because I have a penis and you're a girl because you have long boobies?" :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in WA Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 So, to the problem. Isn't it true that a feather and a lead ball thrown from a tall building will land at the same time? That's only true in a vacuum. That's all the help I'm able to give. Sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 The cheer "We must! We must! We must increase our bust!" comes to mind. I'm no help. I've been a 36 long since I was in my early twenties. When he was about 3, my son walked in on me when I was drying off after a shower. He asked me, "Mom? I'm a boy because I have a penis and you're a girl because you have long boobies?" :confused: My apologies to Volty and Plaid Dad. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Mine? Not anymore! I went the surgery route, last October. I did it because I gained weight over the years and the majority of those pounds went to my booKs. :scared: I'm now the same size booK-wise as I was before I gained lots of weight and am much happier. It's nice to be able to buy a bra in a regular store and not have to special order them anymore. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Copswife Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Is there a surgery that can correct such an anomoly, or am I destined to have to have all mirrors removed from my bathroom and shore up one strap of my foundational garment as far as it will go? (I already feel like I'm wearing an elevator shoe.) Yep, its called breast augmentation. And if you don't go very big, it lifts you up. My dr. said I do not need a list because I'm on the small size. A lift is more evasive. Small implants would do the same thing if you go under the muscle. You can read up at http://www.implantinfo.com and get all kinds of information and they have a board on there you just read or post and ask questions. It's quite the thing here in Fl. Everyone has 'em done, I tell you. Not I. Not yet. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antonia Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Try vacuuming with that arm. :) Seriously though, I don't know of anything short of surgery that will help with that particular literary problem. If it's any comfort, one of my volumes is also on a lower shelf than the other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2legomaniacs Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 ROFL so hard tears are coming out of my eyes. Sorry, but this is just hilarious!:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in Jax Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 This is a true story: Dd (now 14, then 3), was in the car with ds on the way home. She said, "Daddy, when I'm grown up, how big will my bre@sts be?" Dh, slightly flabbergasted, replied, "They'll be about like Mommy's." After about a microsecond, dd asked, "Okay, so how LONG will they be?" My poor booKs! Lisa whose booKs nestle warmly in my armpits when I'm on my back... :banghead: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 This is a true story: Dd (now 14, then 3), was in the car with ds on the way home. She said, "Daddy, when I'm grown up, how big will my bre@sts be?" Dh, slightly flabbergasted, replied, "They'll be about like Mommy's." After about a microsecond, dd asked, "Okay, so how LONG will they be?" My poor booKs! Lisa whose booKs nestle warmly in my armpits when I'm on my back... :banghead: Or, without the proper support... in my waist band when I'm standing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristineIN Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 The I'm a 34e and the best bra that I have ever found is the Essential Body Wear Bra. It took me a week to get used to it, but wow, it's was worth the $70.00 that I paid for it. I would not pay that again though when you can get them on e-bay. You really need to be fitted for one though to know what size to get. Kristine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Copswife Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Why is it that there are the 34 e's and the 32 a's. Is ANyone a natural 34 C? No fair, no fair, no fair!!:rant: The I'm a 34e and the best bra that I have ever found is the Essential Body Wear Bra. It took me a week to get used to it, but wow, it's was worth the $70.00 that I paid for it. I would not pay that again though when you can get them on e-bay. You really need to be fitted for one though to know what size to get. Kristine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diana in OR Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Is there any hope of repair short of surgery? Help! Ummm--as an academic, my booKs were larger than normal for a long time. I had surgery to make them smaller. For a short time, they didn't "hang low". The dr. told me, however, that many women get the sagging back a few years later. This was certainly true for me. I have no plans on going under the knife again for this. So to answer your question, surgery is only a temporary fix. Sorry!:( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Atl Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 All I will say is yup, my girls sucked the life right out of them. If I had the $$ I would have a lift. And while they were in there, they could remove other unwanted stuff. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 I can commiserate with you ladies. I will be 34 in July and am currently a 38g. My mom and grandma swore to me that since I had a boy first if I had a girl next they'd get smaller. Well I had a girl and they didn't, I then had another boy and they're nowhere near smaller, maybe flatter because they droop so badly. I so badly want to have them reduced but that's not going to happen until I loose a bit more weight. For now I just have to special orders my "bookshelves" from the Just my size catalog and try not to run unless I have to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Do they wobble to and fro?Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder, Like a continental soldier? Tell me, do your booKs hang low? All you under 40's may hit eject now, as I need commisseration from those who can relate..... Please allow me to preface this request for help by saying that I possess a pair of the smallest volumes currently in print, so never expected to have any problems of the sort I'm experiencing. In fact, it has only been in the last few years that gravity has required that I keep them shelved at all times, so I am mystified by the current state of affairs. I really don't wish to discuss this with those I know in real life, but I'm apparently willing to share with the world, on the hope that we'll never meet, or that if we do, you'll pretend you never read this - or at least learn to approach me from the left, as a protective measure. So, to the problem. Isn't it true that a feather and a lead ball thrown from a tall building will land at the same time? Then wouldn't it seem that two objects that have always appeared to be of the same circumference and mass would be equally affected by the toll of gravity? Why, then, does one of my volumes remain shelved, while one is attempting to topple into the basement? I know that the human body is not perfectly symmetrical, but still.... Even when you gain weight in a particular area, pairs of appendages don't generally grow completely out of sync with each other, so WHAT the heck is happening to me? Is there a surgery that can correct such an anomoly, or am I destined to have to have all mirrors removed from my bathroom and shore up one strap of my foundational garment as far as it will go? (I already feel like I'm wearing an elevator shoe.) Did I make some grave error in nursing my children lop-sidedly? Should I have set a timer and adherred to it fastidiously? Having never had to consider these volumes over the course of my entire life, I'm currently becoming more and more exasperated with the one we shall call The Saggy, Baggy Elephant..... Is there any hope of repair short of surgery? Help! :lol: You know I heard this song the first time when I was in College and thought it hysterical but now......since I turned 40....not so funny any more. I am considering surgery a little but for now a few good bras help the girls get back to where they should be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie in AR Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 :lol::lol::lol: Oh my goodness, that is one of the funniest things I've read in a while. You definitely have a way with words. Unfortunately, I'm no help. Both of my volumes need to be reshelved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 This is a true story: Dd (now 14, then 3), was in the car with ds on the way home. She said, "Daddy, when I'm grown up, how big will my bre@sts be?" Dh, slightly flabbergasted, replied, "They'll be about like Mommy's." After about a microsecond, dd asked, "Okay, so how LONG will they be?" My poor booKs! Lisa whose booKs nestle warmly in my armpits when I'm on my back... :banghead: :smilielol5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Air!!!! I need AIR!!!!!! :-D I'm sorry I have no words of wisdom for you. The apparent lack of oxygen to my brain has left me laughing hysterically with no ability for rational thought. I can only say you're not alone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Well, I am a AA. Less than an A. I got demoted.:001_huh: If I were to have anymore children, I would go from flat to indented.:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in Orlando Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 :lol: I'm howling here. I don't have any advice, but that was one of the funniest threads I've ever read here. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 The books are the least of the problems. A good shelf and some support can prop them right back up. It is the foundation that is drooping a bit around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 The books are the least of the problems. A good shelf and some support can prop them right back up. It is the foundation that is drooping a bit around here. One word: Spanx! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Well, I am a AA. Less than an A. I got demoted.:001_huh: If I were to have anymore children, I would go from flat to indented.:lol: ...I hereby nominate you as V.P.:thumbup: Every single time I was preggers and had some semblance of a chest I realized what a ding-dang inconvenience those things were.:D And yikes! to run with a full set of booKs?! So glad I don't have to go there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 ...I hereby nominate you as V.P.:thumbup: Every single time I was preggers and had some semblance of a chest I realized what a ding-dang inconvenience those things were.:D And yikes! to run with a full set of booKs?! So glad I don't have to go there! I accept this nomination.:D Yes, running with with big books would not be pleasant. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Call Me Cordelia Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Oh ladies...Thanks for the laugh this a.m. when I'm sitting home from church with major back issues! I needed it!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted April 6, 2008 Author Share Posted April 6, 2008 I did switch to a "Wonderbra" a few years ago, complete with underwire for the first time in my life. But one volume is so determined to tumble that I'm having trouble keeping it shelved.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted April 6, 2008 Author Share Posted April 6, 2008 Yes, I considered that years ago, when I was younger and thought I might actually *want* a heftier set of volumes. Thank goodness I came to my senses. I have a lot of autoimmune issues so I'm sort of afraid to have any sort of implants whatsoever. But I do wonder if they'd give a discount for a single? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted April 6, 2008 Author Share Posted April 6, 2008 Thank you for sharing so kindly. I feel so much better knowing that I'm not the only human being in the world who has this, ummm, difficulty. I was beginning to think I should just call the circus. Now that I think of it, I *do* vacuum right-handed. Lefties really do a lot of things right-handed. I guess that's why they call us "non-right dominant" now, instead of actually "left-handed"..... Now I'm wondering if the stretching of vacuuming might be stretching it out....hmmm..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted April 6, 2008 Author Share Posted April 6, 2008 Yes, we try to laugh to keep from crying..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted April 6, 2008 Author Share Posted April 6, 2008 Ah, thank you, ladies. Misery truly does love company. And I will check out your suggestion for new shelving, Kristine. I'm just wondering if they offer models with shelves of different sizes..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted April 6, 2008 Author Share Posted April 6, 2008 After my sister and I both had our children and nursed them, she told me that she firmly believes that small-breasted women rule the world and could feed the world, if necessary. Where *does* all that sustenance come from, anyway? It was pretty amazing to me..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted April 6, 2008 Author Share Posted April 6, 2008 Wow, I didn't realize others had already co-opted that song for this purpose. I guess it really does fit. My kids have loved that song for years and it just came to mind yesterday when I was, well, noticing my problem - again..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted April 6, 2008 Author Share Posted April 6, 2008 Then we shall quest together! (I'm just not sure I can find a good bookcase that offers different size shelves.....) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 I read an article once where the woman described her post nursing, older books as "empty tube socks" which she had to roll up and put in her bra! I can so totally relate. I don't have a matching set either, and I do think that uneven nursing could have something to do with it. Trying to age gracefully, Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 I've always said I lose 8 inches off my waist every morning... when I put my bra on. No help here. But I can commiserate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doran Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Welcome to "Lake Imasaggin" Where the butt cheeks spread widely The triceps flap freely And the booKs all drag the pavement I've become a 36D. Once upon a time, I went braless. It was at that time that my husband, while nuzzling up to me one day, offered these words of...um...support. "It's okay that they're sagging, honey. I figure, by the time I'm a shorter, old man, they'll hit me right about here [points to his very big grin]!" :D While I still have a selection of wireless shelves, for days when I don't have to be seen in public -- I have, in the past year, gone back to hard wiring. I'll turn 46 this year. By the time I'm 60, I figure I'll need trusses and flying buttresses. But, surgery is not for me. Doran Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuckabella Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Thank you for this! I have never heard someone give them the literary reference and all. But I can commiserate. Since BFing my second, my volumes have *shrunk* (and I am still feeding her!) and had gravity vastly affect them. Geez. I am also going to route of padded bras with better lift. One of the many thankless parts of motherhood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 I've always said I lose 8 inches off my waist every morning...when I put my bra on. No help here. But I can commiserate. I literally LOL! This is hilarious, Chris!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 After my sister and I both had our children and nursed them, she told me that she firmly believes that small-breasted women rule the world and could feed the world, if necessary. Where *does* all that sustenance come from, anyway? It was pretty amazing to me..... It is amazing. I remember before my first son was born thinking there was no way I'd be able to nurse the child. Lo and behold, I could've fed an army of babies. Same was true with each one of my boys. I seriously considered donating extra milk because I was such a high producer. Go figure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 I read a theory somewhere that wearing a bra all the time lets the connective tissue atrophy faster, leading to more sag than without. Age and pregnancy have the biggest effects long-term. Consider, if you would, that they're SUPPOSED to do that. Why do we, as grown women, have this ideal that our books will remain in like-new condition when they have gotten so much use? To quote my favorite sci fi author (Robert A. Heinlein): "Nursing does not diminish the beauty of a woman's breasts; it enhances their charm by making them look lived in and happy." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in IL Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 When I went through puberty, in the space of about 4 months, I went from being flat to the saggy baggy elephant. My books and belly are the only thing I inherited from my Itailan side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted April 6, 2008 Author Share Posted April 6, 2008 Baby, I'm not thinkin' that the "lived in" look makes 'em look exactly "happy", LOL. I was able to live sans foundational support for many, many years. But into my 40's, they began to sag enough that it was uncomfortable for me - first time of skin on skin contact in my life, ya know. I found that acceptable and understandable. I'm willing to try to age gracefully, with *that* being the operative word. But that's not happening for some reason. What I can't figure out is *why* one of my volumes is making drastic changes without its mate, savvy??? What's *that* all about? Elves? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted April 6, 2008 Author Share Posted April 6, 2008 Bless you, my child..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted April 6, 2008 Author Share Posted April 6, 2008 Now *I'm* LOL! Oh, the pictures in my mind..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted April 6, 2008 Author Share Posted April 6, 2008 I really am beginning to think it was the nursing, as I can't think of another plausible reason for it. Shouldn't we be warned about this when we give birth? Does La Leche preach the gospel of even feedings? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 This is the funniest thing I've read in so long. . . . . All I have to add is - I never understood National Geographic pictures. Now I am one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.