modesty questions/help

[jillian]

So we try to keep a fairly modest household when going outside of our home/off our property. We aren't overly immodest at home but we think nothing of me/dd nudity if we are getting in the shower/changing/etc. Dh is more covered than us usually, occasionally he walks around in no shirt when dd is awake. Heck, dd still showers/bathes with me.

 

Despite the lack of conservative modesty at home and our property (like dd runs around in just a pull up when it's warm outside and i will go braless to get the trash cans at the end of the driveway), we try to be much more modest but still nice when we go out and about. I have standards for dd like the following:

1. no spaghetti straps or tank tops with straps less than an inch

2. no dresses/skirts without shorts underneath (even if she's wearing tights)

3. no bikinis (modest tankinis are okay but they must come at least halfway to the tops of the bottoms). we aren't doing one pieces simply because we are still potty training and two pieces are much easier right now. we will go to one pieces once potty training is much more established

4. if we have a sleeveless top or tank tops (meeting criteria 2) there is almost always a tee shirt under it

 

 

For me I try to follow similar guidelines:

1. no spaghetti straps or thin strapped tank tops unless being used as a layering piece

2. rarely do i wear dresses/skirts but if i do i go knee length only or if it's a thin tee shirt style dress i wear it over jeans.

3. no bikinis anymore for me but i do wear one pieces (my one swimsuit is a little more "s*xy than I would wear to a public swimming pool or public beach but i only swim at our family's pool).

4. i don't wear sleeveless tops/tank tops except under things.

5. not obscenely tight jeans

 

Dh is very modest already:

1. minimal sagging--he only has minimal because he doesn't wear tight jeans and he's built funny...has to get looser jeans to fit over his legs (they are massively built *drool*)

2. he always has an undershirt on so his stomach doesn't show if he's working in the yard or out at the gym.

 

 

So basically I am asking: How do you keep the modesty as your kiddo gets older, especially if it's a girl (the only gender we have right now)? Also I don't want her to think modest is frumpy (nor do I want myself to look frumpy). I would like to wear more skirts, like knee length/tea length, but dh doesn't like me in skirts all the time so I do wear slacks and some jeans. I have a hard time with shirts because I have a large chest (34/36 DD/DDD) so v-necks show off a bit more skin than is sometimes modest, but I don't want to wear only crew-necks kwim?

[Daisy]

It hasn't been an issue yet. My daughter is almost 11yo and because we've had specific standards in place all of her life, she thinks it is *weird* (her word) to wear anything less.

 

Hubby's opinion has always been if you wouldn't want your 12 year old wearing it, then don't let your 2 year old wear it.

 

So some of our standards include...

 

1. No spaghetti straps or thin tank tops (we don't mind sleeveless but daughter doesn't like them). No low-cut shirts or cropped tops. No halter tops.

2. The only shorts allowed are Bermuda shorts (no skorts).

3. No two-piece bathing suits. (Actually my daughter prefers to wear board shorts and a UV shirt so this is really not an issue).

4. Shorts and/or slip under dresses. (It was shorts when she was younger but now slips are fine).

5. Wear clothing that is appropriate for the occasion (pants when climbing trees, skirts to church).

6. No hip-huggers, tight jeans, or writing across the bum.

7. No over-sexualized slogans or styles.

 

It has never been a fight. She has never worn those things and does not even remotely find them appealing. We have never an argument. I don't have to tell her no. I can't say what the future holds but if her attitude now is any indication (she is well into puberty) she is simply uninterested in that kind of clothing.

 

I'll say also that we've never turned into a huge value judgment. My usual response was something like, "Ooh, what a cute shirt but wow, I'd be totally embarrassed to wear that. Look, there is nothing holding it up but a string!" To which daughter usually replies, "I'd never wear that!" I've said, "Sweetie, mom wants to make sure those shorts are modest so why don't you try them on and see if they hit you pretty close to your knee." We've never turned it into the horrible rules that one longs to break, kwim?

Edited May 30, 2010 by Daisy

[elizabeth]

Buy from Hanna Andersson link here

http://www.hannaandersson.com/home.asp?cm_guid=1-_-100000000000000032354-_-5794099023&RS=1&cm_mmc=Google+AdWords-_-NEW_Brand+-+Brand_General_Exact-_-Exact+5794099023-_-hanna-anderson%7C-%7C100000000000000032354&cm_sem=1-_-623-_-32676093-_-1156171653&gclid=CJ_8xL38-qECFQO7sgodWwb5Fg&cchkrd=y

Avoid dept stores as they tend to carry the less traditional clothing like mini skirts, pleather pants and leopard prints for 5 year olds. If you have not read it yet I strongly suggest this excellent book by Neil Postman about this very topic but in an academic fashion not based on religion.

http://books.google.com/books?id=wLOk8-BfZV0C&dq=the+disappearance+of+childhood&source=bl&ots=3Qx054jaYQ&sig=ckoDe0xK_4d2WP8KDuc8e0a3N9A&hl=en&ei=0O8CTLj7H4GB8gbVs8nyCw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=5&ved=0CDAQ6AEwBA

The more the lines between child and adult are blurred the more sexualized our youngsters have become and the less mature and leadership worthy adults have become. Not a good thing.

Absolutely being discreet, classic and elegant does not mean apple pan dowdy. I love Hanna as the colors are bright, cheerful and definitely for a young girl as they should be.

[Rosie_0801]

I have a hard time with shirts because I have a large chest (34/36 DD/DDD) so v-necks show off a bit more skin than is sometimes modest, but I don't want to wear only crew-necks kwim?

 

Have you tried some lacy shawls or partlets? These same articles look frumpy when they are bulky, but when thinner, like knitted lace, they look great! I picked up a nice pink lacy poncho at an op shop a few months ago.

 

Rosie

[jillian]

It hasn't been an issue yet. My daughter is almost 11yo and because we've had specific standards in place all of her life, she thinks it is *weird* (her word) to wear anything less.

 

Hubby's opinion has always been if you wouldn't want your 12 year old wearing it, then don't let your 2 year old wear it.

 

So some of our standards include...

 

1. No spaghetti straps or thin tank tops (we don't mind sleeveless but daughter doesn't like them). No low-cut shirts or cropped tops. No halter tops.

2. The only shorts allowed are Bermuda shorts (no skorts).

3. No two-piece bathing suits. (Actually my daughter prefers to wear board shorts and a UV shirt so this is really not an issue).

4. Shorts and/or slip under dresses. (It was shorts when she was younger but now slips are fine).

5. Wear clothing that is appropriate for the occasion (pants when climbing trees, skirts to church).

6. No hip-huggers, tight jeans, or writing across the bum.

7. No over-sexualized slogans or styles.

 

It has never been a fight. She has never worn those things and does not even remotely find them appealing. We have never an argument. I don't have to tell her no. I can't say what the future holds but if her attitude now is any indication (she is well into puberty) she is simply uninterested in that kind of clothing.

 

I'll say also that we've never turned into a huge value judgment. My usual response was something like, "Ooh, what a cute shirt but wow, I'd be totally embarrassed to wear that. Look, there is nothing holding it up but a string!" To which daughter usually replies, "I'd never wear that!" I've said, "Sweetie, mom wants to make sure those shorts are modest so why don't you try them on and see if they hit you pretty close to your knee." We've never turned it into the horrible rules that one longs to break, kwim?

that's ideal as a rule (the 12 year old thing). i hope to instill dd in that kind of respect for herself and to be content not following the oversexualized trends for her size

 

Buy from Hanna Andersson link here

http://www.hannaandersson.com/home.asp?cm_guid=1-_-100000000000000032354-_-5794099023&RS=1&cm_mmc=Google+AdWords-_-NEW_Brand+-+Brand_General_Exact-_-Exact+5794099023-_-hanna-anderson%7C-%7C100000000000000032354&cm_sem=1-_-623-_-32676093-_-1156171653&gclid=CJ_8xL38-qECFQO7sgodWwb5Fg&cchkrd=y

Avoid dept stores as they tend to carry the less traditional clothing like mini skirts, pleather pants and leopard prints for 5 year olds. If you have not read it yet I strongly suggest this excellent book by Neil Postman about this very topic but in an academic fashion not based on religion.

http://books.google.com/books?id=wLOk8-BfZV0C&dq=the+disappearance+of+childhood&source=bl&ots=3Qx054jaYQ&sig=ckoDe0xK_4d2WP8KDuc8e0a3N9A&hl=en&ei=0O8CTLj7H4GB8gbVs8nyCw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=5&ved=0CDAQ6AEwBA

The more the lines between child and adult are blurred the more sexualized our youngsters have become and the less mature and leadership worthy adults have become. Not a good thing.

Absolutely being discreet, classic and elegant does not mean apple pan dowdy. I love Hanna as the colors are bright, cheerful and definitely for a young girl as they should be.

i so wish we could afford Hanna Anderson but I just can't afford it. I will try to follow resale and/or ebay for it though. I am appalled at the amount of "sexy" sized down clothing...there is stuff for toddlers now that I didn't wear as a teenager and I definitely wasn't hte most modest person. I have been thinking of sewing our own clothes (especially since dd is so skinny and tall) and have found some modest patterns online. We don't do it primarily for religious reasons but I do believe that we should dress with dignity and one of my favorite books on the topic is "Dressing With Dignity". it's fabulous

 

Have you tried some lacy shawls or partlets? These same articles look frumpy when they are bulky, but when thinner, like knitted lace, they look great! I picked up a nice pink lacy poncho at an op shop a few months ago.

 

Rosie

I need to look for some, or some little shawls/bolero style ones except they always end right under my breasts and magnify them. i try to do layered tees so my belly doesn't show off, longer tunic style tops, peasant style tops, etc and feel good in them especially if/when i pair them with heels or pretty ballet flats.

[Murmer]

We are also very modest. One of the things is that we do is I ALWAYS wear a shirt under my shirts...gives me length so no gapitis and keep my necklines up without wearing turtle necks all the time. I find my favorites are down east outfitter undershirts. I plan to teach my dd first through my example of modesty and through education. I plan to teach her how valuable her body is and as she gets older the effect her clothing choices can have on others.

[Mynyel]

For those that don't like spaghetti straps...why? I wear them and so does my daughter. What is "immodest" about spaghetti straps? I an generally curious. Besides a 1/2 inch why is a 1/2 in strap not allowed but a 1 inch strap is? I have yet to understand that and I am not "immodest" in my clothing. I can't be I am not a small girl!

[AK_Mom4]

Modesty thru layers.

DD16 has spaghetti strap tank tops - these can only be worn under another shirt or over a white t shirt (very nice look!)

When the rise on the jeans is a little low, she uses a longer tank top or t-shirt to make sure "everything" stays covered. Shorts a little short? wear them over leggings or bike shorts.

 

One of the keys to wearing these things is a properly fitting bra. Most women and young girls aren't wearing the right size or the right fit and then things bulge or there are gaps and it all looks sloppy. So we spend a little more on the undergarments and shop at thrift/discount stores for the rest.

[Jennifer in MI]

For those that don't like spaghetti straps...why? I wear them and so does my daughter. What is "immodest" about spaghetti straps? I an generally curious. Besides a 1/2 inch why is a 1/2 in strap not allowed but a 1 inch strap is? I have yet to understand that and I am not "immodest" in my clothing. I can't be I am not a small girl!

 

I wonder too. My dd. has a lot of hand-me-downs and there are a lot of spaghetti straps in there. The top part it tight so her chest isn't showing. And, there are times when it's too hot to put on another layer. I think her little dresses with spaghetti straps are so cute and cool-looking (temperature-wise). I always thought they were just practical in hot weather!

[jillian]

For those that don't like spaghetti straps...why? I wear them and so does my daughter. What is "immodest" about spaghetti straps? I an generally curious. Besides a 1/2 inch why is a 1/2 in strap not allowed but a 1 inch strap is? I have yet to understand that and I am not "immodest" in my clothing. I can't be I am not a small girl!

for me i don't like the fit, they are so tight on top that it is uncomfortable on my girls. for me and my build a 1 inch strap on a tank top covers most of my shoulder whereas even that small 1/2 inch difference makes me feel more exposed than i want to be.

Modesty thru layers.

DD16 has spaghetti strap tank tops - these can only be worn under another shirt or over a white t shirt (very nice look!)

When the rise on the jeans is a little low, she uses a longer tank top or t-shirt to make sure "everything" stays covered. Shorts a little short? wear them over leggings or bike shorts.

 

One of the keys to wearing these things is a properly fitting bra. Most women and young girls aren't wearing the right size or the right fit and then things bulge or there are gaps and it all looks sloppy. So we spend a little more on the undergarments and shop at thrift/discount stores for the rest.

i will not scrimp on my bras, i'm too large chested to do that, i do get back and shoulder pain from my breasts if i have a low quality (even VS bra). also VS doesn't sell my cup size in a lot of their bras so i have to go up to a 38 in a band to compensate for a smaller cup size which leads to boob muffin top...not attractive at all

[Daisy]

For those that don't like spaghetti straps...why? I wear them and so does my daughter. What is "immodest" about spaghetti straps?

 

We don't wear a 1/2 inch strap or a 1 inch strap either. No tank tops in public. We just don't think it covers enough skin. I'm not quite sure how else to explain this without potentially causing offense. I don't expect others to adhere by our personal family's standard of dressing and we don't make negative comments about how others are dressed.

 

Our family just doesn't wear that type of clothing in public no matter how hot it gets (and it gets above 113 degrees here in the summer). Personal preference, perhaps. We view it as an under garment. In truth, it would be insane to dress like that while outside. Our fair-skinned family would be burned to a crisp in a matter of minutes.

 

I am really not trying to offend anyone. We do not view this legalistically. Just our personal choice.

Edited May 31, 2010 by Daisy

[chiguirre]

I wonder too. My dd. has a lot of hand-me-downs and there are a lot of spaghetti straps in there. The top part it tight so her chest isn't showing. And, there are times when it's too hot to put on another layer. I think her little dresses with spaghetti straps are so cute and cool-looking (temperature-wise). I always thought they were just practical in hot weather!

 

Until you walk into a frigid, over air conditioned store. I avoid spaghetti straps and tanks for dd like the plague because I don't want to have to deal with her being too cold when we have to do errands. For us, it's not a modesty thing, it's just goose bump, blue lip avoidance thing.

[elizabeth]

I only bought at sale time as the sales are great 50% off, watch for them online at hannas website. Lands end is great also.

[FriedClams]

So basically I am asking: How do you keep the modesty as your kiddo gets older, especially if it's a girl (the only gender we have right now)? Also I don't want her to think modest is frumpy (nor do I want myself to look frumpy). I would like to wear more skirts, like knee length/tea length, but dh doesn't like me in skirts all the time so I do wear slacks and some jeans. I have a hard time with shirts because I have a large chest (34/36 DD/DDD) so v-necks show off a bit more skin than is sometimes modest, but I don't want to wear only crew-necks kwim?

 

My DD is almost 9. We just talk a lot about it. What's appropriate and what's not. What looks nice and modest and what doesn't and why. I point out cute, modest clothes. Really - it's not hard. Keep lines of communication open, look for appropriate stuff and buy that. :)

 

For adults - I layer a lot. Tanks under stuff to keep it modest or long tanks to keep everything tucked. I also wear what my DH likes - not all the time but enough to show respect and impress him. :) I also look around and see what others wear that's modest and cute and in style - and then copy it. LOL!! It's not hard - really!!!

[Cindyg]

I saw a rule-of-thumb for shorts that I liked -- had to be finger-tip length or longer. Now, finger-tip length might sound outrageous for those of you who want shorts to be knee length. But I thought it was a good rule of thumb for families who are OK with shorter shorts.

 

I also like something like this to prevent embarrassing moments in air conditioning with a thin shirt.

 

An aside: It cracks me up that some of you find dresses immodest. I grew up in a culture that considered anything OTHER than dresses on girls to be immodest (even immoral!) -- regardless of the activity!! How funny to read that some, just as concerned about modesty, don't want their girls in dresses at all!

[ChristusG]

We are a modest family here as well.

 

I agree with the person who said that if it is not appropriate for your teen, then it is not appropriate for your 2 year old either. I wouldn't want my developing teen daughter to wear a bikini, therefore, I don't let my little girls wear them either. No halter tops, short skirts/dresses, low cut shirts, writing across the bottom, no miniature adult clothing, etc. DD6 has a few dresses from Target, but they would be way too short to wear without something underneath so I purchased some bermuda shorts to go under it. Now it looks like a cute tunic legnth top! I don't mind tank tops (modest ones) but I don't really like spaghetti straps. For bathing suits my girls wear the board shorts and rash guards. Not only is this modest, but also practical for protecting them from the sun.

[phathui5]

Hubby's opinion has always been if you wouldn't want your 12 year old wearing it, then don't let your 2 year old wear it.

 

 

Absolutely. And I would add that if it's not something you would want them wearing, to not wear it yourself.

[jillian]

My DD is almost 9. We just talk a lot about it. What's appropriate and what's not. What looks nice and modest and what doesn't and why. I point out cute, modest clothes. Really - it's not hard. Keep lines of communication open, look for appropriate stuff and buy that. :)

 

For adults - I layer a lot. Tanks under stuff to keep it modest or long tanks to keep everything tucked. I also wear what my DH likes - not all the time but enough to show respect and impress him. :) I also look around and see what others wear that's modest and cute and in style - and then copy it. LOL!! It's not hard - really!!!

Dh loves me in pants because he likes my rear lol. But I do love how I feel so feminine and beautiful in skirts/dresses.

 

We really do bermuda shorts only for dd because I can't stand shorts as short as some of the stuff at Target/Gymboree/Kohls are. The short cotton ones from Gymboree are awesome though under skirts/dresses :)

 

I will definitely check the Hanna Anderson website (can't remember who mentioned it)

[MorganClassicalPrep]

I agree with the statement about not letting your 2 year old wear it if you wouldn't want a 12 year old wearing it. I've always tried to stay aware of the fact that it is easier to *keep* DD modest than to implement it later.

 

Her bathing suit is 3 pieces. A bikini and a rash guard shirt. At the beach where she just plays in the sand, she wears the shirt. I do allow her to wear the bikini at the home of a close friend where it is only our families swimming, but this only because the rash guard is still a little big and rides up when swimming.

 

She could fit into a size 4/5 shorts/skirts, but I buy 6 for the additional length.

 

I am naturally a modest person, and this doesn't come from my mother! She wears things I would never even consider!! But I also have a large chest (36G!) and have a hard time with tops. Generally I layer. If I find a shirt that I really like but is lower cut than I'd like I wear a tank top underneath. I buy jeans that are not low rise to make sure everything stays covered.

 

It doesn't have to be frumpy, or even out of style, to be modest! Just be particular about what you buy, and have lots of layering pieces.

[simka2]

It is imortant to me that I do not awake an awareness of what "imodesty" is in my daughter before she is mature enough to grasp the concept. I have my hands full working on things like matching/clashing/ or "you spilled what where?!"

 

Now, when she has outgrown a shirt that has become a belly shirt...I will say "sweetheart that is not "appropriate" for church, or the store, or whatever."

 

The concept of modesty and children amazes me:confused:

 

At somepoint when she has hit puberty, and is a more developed physiologically, we will talk about the heart issues involved in how one dresses. We will discuss the messages our clothes or lack thereof can send.

 

Whether she is dressed in a tank top or a potatoe sack it will not stop a pedophile from lusting after her. IMHO :)

[Starr]

Fortunately my dd was a princess for many years and not worried about trendy dressing. I didn't put her in things I wouldn't want her wearing as a teen. She has made up for lost time. :) I advocate taking the time one needs to find clothing that fits well and is in your price range. She learned that she might try on many things and not get anything until we found what fit and she liked. Junior sized clothing didn't fit well for long. We looked for youthful, stylish, appropriate clothing in misses sizes. I don't mind a sleeveless tank (she wears two layers) or a skirt above the knee(now that she can sit like a lady and isn't climbing trees as much at 16 :) ) It is hard to sit in a straight skirt so I kept away from them until recently. Now as a little girl she was in traditional dresses and I didn't worry about seeing undies when she played till 5 ish. I love Hannah Andersson and recommend keeping an eye out for sales. There is no way around it. Dressing daughters takes time and patience. :auto:

[jillian]

It is imortant to me that I do not awake an awareness of what "imodesty" is in my daughter before she is mature enough to grasp the concept. I have my hands full working on things like matching/clashing/ or "you spilled what where?!"

 

Now, when she has outgrown a shirt that has become a belly shirt...I will say "sweetheart that is not "appropriate" for church, or the store, or whatever."

 

The concept of modesty and children amazes me:confused:

 

At somepoint when she has hit puberty, and is a more developed physiologically, we will talk about the heart issues involved in how one dresses. We will discuss the messages our clothes or lack thereof can send.

 

Whether she is dressed in a tank top or a potatoe sack it will not stop a pedophile from lusting after her. IMHO :)

I am not concerned about the pedophile lusting after her (well not because of what she wears, I am concerned about that because well it is something to be concerned about) I am concerned about an establishment of ideals and values that if established now (imo) will transfer to post-puberty. If my child is allowed to wear halters and what we deem immodest clothing one year before she hits puberty and the next year she has started to develop it's much harder (once again imho) to say no you can't wear it this year even though you could last year.

 

I hope that made sense. I don't impose our values of modesty and such on others or expect them to follow our standards. I think that's the most important part is that we don't expect others to follow our same standards but we explain why we do/live/act a certain way

 

eta: i have to ask for the larger busted ladies do you buy "plus size" clothes (i.e. at like Lane Bryant) even if you aren't plus sized?

Edited May 31, 2010 by jillian

[StephanieZ]

I have had no difficulty keeping my dd's clothing modest as I am the one who buys their clothing. The occasional gift from family members has never been a modesty issue as my mom and aunt know my ideas on this issue. My dc are quite sheltered from the consumer buyitbuyitnow culture as they rarely see any TV advertising. (I really do believe that TV advertising is the primary motivator of most purchasing!) So, even now that my oldest is 13, they don't particularly care to be involved in clothing purchasing. I buy most of their things online (love Lands End) or when I am alone at a store. Occasionally, I will take them to Old Navy or Target to pick up some things and have them try on pants. My dds totally agree with me that pants that sag down and show your undies are not good choices, and that's the only thing that is hard to judge w/o trying it on. I remember one Old Navy pants shopping expedition where dd (then 12) tried on at least 20 pairs. . . and at least 18 of them were ridiculously lowrise. No worries, we just keep shopping.

 

Anyhow, I wouldn't worry if I were you. I'd just maintain control of purchasing and not take your child into a store and say "what do you like?". . . Rather, pick out a bunch of stuff online and ask dd "Which color do you like?" or "Do you like these shorts or these other ones?" It's worked great for us so far. . .

 

HTH

[Impish]

My bust makes anything other than plus sized pretty impossible. I'm a 14 on the bottom, an 18, sometimes 20 on top, all due to bust.:glare:

 

Its horrid.

 

I agree with modest dressing...but the one comment that if its not ok for my dds that it shouldn't be ok for me is wrong, imo.

 

No, I don't wear immodest clothing out, but I *do* have special dresses my dh loves to see me in, even if we're just staying home, that I do not consider appropriate for my dds...same with pjs. I have some lower necked pjs that I wear, boxer short sets, that I wouldn't buy for my daughters.

 

The difference being, I'm a married, adult woman. They are not.

[Jan in SC]

How old is your daughter? I don't get the shorts under a dress with tights. Do you do this at church, too?

 

Whenever we go to the mall, my dh and I comment that we are thankful to not have to deal with teen girl clothing! I wouldn't think it would be too difficult for little ones, though. Around here, the little girls usually wear long smocked dresses or two piece outfits with longer shorts. Have you checked out Kellys Kids or Ragsland? (There will be several pieces you won't like!)

Hannah Kate has some great winter clothing. (I don't think they have their winter line online, yet.) You can choose any design and then any fabric and have it made just how you like it.

 

ETA:- I have three boys, so I order the boys clothing, but I drool over the girl outfits!

[StephanieZ]

.but the one comment that if its not ok for my dds that it shouldn't be ok for me is wrong, imo.

 

No, I don't wear immodest clothing out, but I *do* have special dresses my dh loves to see me in, even if we're just staying home, that I do not consider appropriate for my dds...same with pjs. I have some lower necked pjs that I wear, boxer short sets, that I wouldn't buy for my daughters.

 

The difference being, I'm a married, adult woman. They are not.

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

IMHO, there are also things that are appropriate for a teenager or 20sth single (or married) woman that are inappropriate for younger girls.

 

Personally, I think bikinis and strappy tank tops are fine for a 18-28ish yo, and I think young women can look fabulous in them. Yes, they are sexy, but done right I don't think sexy = slutty. I think that is OK, in its place (social, fun, not work, not church). . . But, I don't think girls under 16-18 should be looking sexy AT ALL. Not even a little bit.

 

So, anyway, I do think there are shades of grey in modest dressing. . . and age-appropriateness as well as situation-appropriateness are both important.

 

(And, frankly, I think many articles of clothing that are marketed for girls would only be appropriate in the bedroom of an adult woman!!!!!!!!!!!!)

[Mergath]

An aside: It cracks me up that some of you find dresses immodest. I grew up in a culture that considered anything OTHER than dresses on girls to be immodest (even immoral!) -- regardless of the activity!! How funny to read that some, just as concerned about modesty, don't want their girls in dresses at all!

 

Where I grew up, there was a Baptist church school that required the girls to wear long dresses with actual pants (not pantaloons or whatever) underneath. Year-round. I had a friend who went there for a couple years, and given that the schoolroom didn't have AC, fainting was a real concern for the ladies in the early fall and late spring.

[Mom2J112903]

I only have a little boy yet I too literally drool over the little ladies clothing.

 

J is taught, even as a boy, to dress his best when we are going out. This means shirts tucked in, usually khaki shorts (below his knee-I just prefer them that way) and a polo. If DH dresses him, it will be jean shorts and a t-shirt, but always tucked in. I refuse to allow my son to wear screen printed t-shirts with characters on them. Not only do they not last, they, IMO, are some of the tackiest things on the planet.

 

Now *I* do wear spaghetti strap shirts, actually quite often in the summer. It gets pretty darn hot here, so they are a life-saver for me. I also wear sleeveless or thinner strapped sun-dresses almost daily in the summer. IMO you can still be modest and wear the above-there is tastefull and then there is wearing the above two sizes too small and showing the world everything you own.

 

I LOVE Hannah Anderson clothing! It is not cheap, I agree, but from talking to others, their clothing REALLY holds up and worth every penny.

 

I think some of the cutest outfits on little ladies are dresses with the leggings underneath. Especially in the fall when you can put a pair of Mary Jane's with them :D

 

I wear nothing but a two-peice in the summer. I am short, but have a long torso, so finding a one-piece suit that fits me is almost impossible. I do have some takinis and I do own a bikini. When we go out on a friends boat, I do wear my takinins. I can not be jumping off the boat or boat dock in a bikini around little ones ;) Would I allow my LO to wear a bikini-yes, would they be string bikinis-no, honestly those things should not even be sold much past a size 4 IMO.

 

What is wrong with women or young girls wearing boxer short sets? They are comfortable and all you are doing is sleeping in them. Just curious is all.

[MorganClassicalPrep]

eta: i have to ask for the larger busted ladies do you buy "plus size" clothes (i.e. at like Lane Bryant) even if you aren't plus sized?

 

This is a tough one. It really depends on the cut of the material. I have tops in 4-5 different sizes! I often find that plus size clothing fits up top but looks ridiculous everywhere else. I can never buy sets, and rarely buy dresses because if they fit my chest, they are too long/too wide everywhere else.

[jillian]

My bust makes anything other than plus sized pretty impossible. I'm a 14 on the bottom, an 18, sometimes 20 on top, all due to bust.:glare:

 

Its horrid.

 

I agree with modest dressing...but the one comment that if its not ok for my dds that it shouldn't be ok for me is wrong, imo.

 

No, I don't wear immodest clothing out, but I *do* have special dresses my dh loves to see me in, even if we're just staying home, that I do not consider appropriate for my dds...same with pjs. I have some lower necked pjs that I wear, boxer short sets, that I wouldn't buy for my daughters.

 

The difference being, I'm a married, adult woman. They are not.

Oh yes, I too will wear things when it's just dh and me that I wouldn't wear out and about for errands. I wear dh's old boxers and/or sleep short sets with a cami on at home. :)

 

How old is your daughter? I don't get the shorts under a dress with tights. Do you do this at church, too?

 

Whenever we go to the mall, my dh and I comment that we are thankful to not have to deal with teen girl clothing! I wouldn't think it would be too difficult for little ones, though. Around here, the little girls usually wear long smocked dresses or two piece outfits with longer shorts. Have you checked out Kellys Kids or Ragsland? (There will be several pieces you won't like!)

Hannah Kate has some great winter clothing. (I don't think they have their winter line online, yet.) You can choose any design and then any fabric and have it made just how you like it.

 

ETA:- I have three boys, so I order the boys clothing, but I drool over the girl outfits!

dd is 2 1/2 so we are just getting to that lift the dress up stage (no matter how hard i try to discourage it). it's one or the other when we are out running errands (either tights OR shorts) but when we are at church i think the little extra layer of modesty is appropriate especially given the being held/climbing on and off the pews. I love the long sleeved t-shirt dresses for her, or a tunic top with leggings or bermuda shorts. i find some really inappropriate stuff at Target and the department stores (but I am a huge stickler on words on her clothes so that plays a big role too).

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

IMHO, there are also things that are appropriate for a teenager or 20sth single (or married) woman that are inappropriate for younger girls.

 

Personally, I think bikinis and strappy tank tops are fine for a 18-28ish yo, and I think young women can look fabulous in them. Yes, they are sexy, but done right I don't think sexy = slutty. I think that is OK, in its place (social, fun, not work, not church). . . But, I don't think girls under 16-18 should be looking sexy AT ALL. Not even a little bit.

 

So, anyway, I do think there are shades of grey in modest dressing. . . and age-appropriateness as well as situation-appropriateness are both important.

 

(And, frankly, I think many articles of clothing that are marketed for girls would only be appropriate in the bedroom of an adult woman!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I agree there is a huge difference between a 14, 15, 16 year old and a 18, 19 or 20 year old. My grandma always used to say: "just because it comes in your size doesn't make it okay to wear". i know she won't always be in my home and have me buying clothes for her but I hope I can teach her to dress herself well and be beautiful versus sexy and if the situation calls for a little sex appeal (after 18 years old) to be modestly sexy not overtly sexy--hope that makes sense.

 

This is a tough one. It really depends on the cut of the material. I have tops in 4-5 different sizes! I often find that plus size clothing fits up top but looks ridiculous everywhere else. I can never buy sets, and rarely buy dresses because if they fit my chest, they are too long/too wide everywhere else.

that's the same issue i have. plus i love tunic tops because they cover my stomach and don't ride up. if i buy a regular tee my breasts tend to short the length significantly because so much material is taken up by them

[ecj98]

I saw a rule-of-thumb for shorts that I liked -- had to be finger-tip length or longer. Now, finger-tip length might sound outrageous for those of you who want shorts to be knee length. But I thought it was a good rule of thumb for families who are OK with shorter shorts.

 

I also like something like this to prevent embarrassing moments in air conditioning with a thin shirt.

 

An aside: It cracks me up that some of you find dresses immodest. I grew up in a culture that considered anything OTHER than dresses on girls to be immodest (even immoral!) -- regardless of the activity!! How funny to read that some, just as concerned about modesty, don't want their girls in dresses at all!

 

I've heard the fingertip rule, too, but I never liked it because I have REALLY long arms and my fingertips are almost at my knees. I have really long legs, too, so it basically rules out anything but Bermuda shorts for me.