Would you allow this?

[Tree House Academy]

Considering that my dh is 10 years older than me, I say no too. Even if there is no romantic connection between the two, it is not impossible to develop one in all that time alone at night - together. I agree with 95% of the others - no way, bad idea. Ask the young man to stay with you. If not, I would let dd house sit once the boy flies out. He can house sit while living there alone for 2 days. I stayed alone overnight at 14. He can handle it.

[rwjx2khsmj]

Nope. But I would invite him to come stay at my home.

 

After reading down, it looks like I agree with others.

[ScoutTN]

No how.

[Hedgehogs4]

no, no, no, no...but he could stay at your house with y'all.

[tiffanyl]

Yep! If I trusted both of them, I would have no problem...

[Scarlett]

Yep! If I trusted both of them, I would have no problem...

 

Yeah....trust is overrated.

[SproutMamaK]

I have to say, your daughter sounds like an absolute treasure. Good job, mama! :D

[BeckyFL]

Another no. Isn't there an 18 yo male who could do this?

[Cindyg]

When I was 18, I had many 15 YO guy friends, who I thought were true friends.

 

As an adult, I ran across various little notes I had left from them. Every one of them had a crush on me. I was oblivious to it at 18, but it was more clear to me as a grown woman. It would have been very uncomfortable for them to have me "babysit" them.

 

And to spin off on what Scarlett said, I -- even at my ripe old age and with all my accumulated wisdom -- would not be comfortable spending 2 days in a house alone with a 15YO male (not related to me).

[simka2]

Um...as an 18 yr old, I hope I'm not still telling her what to do. I would probly suggest she bring a friend for accountability though...and I would explain the potential legal ramifications to her...in very strong terms!!!!!!

 

But if she is trustworthy...I need to let her start making some of these hard decisions for herself. ;)

[Paintedlady]

No, and I also think it's a good idea to have him at your house.

[Mynyel]

Um...as an 18 yr old, I hope I'm not still telling her what to do. I would probly suggest she bring a friend for accountability though...and I would explain the potential legal ramifications to her...in very strong terms!!!!!!

 

But if she is trustworthy...I need to let her start making some of these hard decisions for herself. ;)

 

:iagree:

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Why can't a 15 year old guy stay at his own house alone for a couple of days?

 

:confused:

[lionfamily1999]

Lucky mama! She sounds like a special young woman!

:iagree:

Why can't a 15 year old guy stay at his own house alone for a couple of days?

 

:confused:

Good question.

[RanchGirl]

Why can't a 15 year old guy stay at his own house alone for a couple of days?

 

that's what I was thinking -- with you as her friend to check in on him and have him over for dinners. I wouldn't have him to my house or send my daughter over there either. just my opinion!

[Tap]

No, for several reasons.

 

Things can happen that you would never see coming. We have all done things that others would have thought was very out of character for us. Most of these things were probably during our teen years.

 

There was an incident in my family several years ago. One teen accused another teen of inappropriate behavior; in a process that involved the court system. The allegations happened several years after the incident. The accused would have been in his/her late teens when it happened so it was handled like the accused was an adult, the other a minor. This teen cause much heart ache and speculation. Scrutiny was hard on both. A year later, the accuser said he/she lied. The accuser had got into trouble and when interrogated by the police, started to spin an excuse that got out of control. IT ruined both teens' reputations, because once an allegation is made, a recant doesn't remove everyone's opinions about a case.

 

Worse yet, the one who is 'innocent' (I have my own opinions on this) has this allegation noted on his record.

 

So, no, I wouldn't do it.

 

I also have never let my 15yo ds, babysit or be left alone, in charge, of a younger child (except my own) due to this. I may also never have dd do the same. I know it is a bit serious of a reaction, but once you see how a little lie almost led to the arrest of someone who was deemed innocent, it makes you realize how it can really happen.

Edited May 13, 2010 by Tap, tap, tap

[tex-mex]

Would it be an option for him to stay at your house at night? I would be much more comfortable with that.

:iagree: Even if nothing occurred... it would appear to be inappropriate for gossips to talk about the 2 kids. I say to play it safe.

[lionfamily1999]

No, for several reasons.

 

Things can happen that you would never see coming. We have all done things that others would have thought was very out of character for us. Most of these things were probably during our teen years.

 

There was an incident in my family several years ago. One teen accused another teen of inappropriate behavior; in a process that involved the court system. The allegations happened several years after the incident. The accused would have been in his/her late teens when it happened so it was handled like the accused was an adult, the other a minor. This teen cause much heart ache and speculation. Scrutiny was hard on both. A year later, the accuser said he/she lied. The accuser had got into trouble and when interrogated by the police, started to spin an excuse that got out of control. IT ruined both teens' reputations, because once an allegation is made, a recant doesn't remove everyone's opinions about a case.

 

Worse yet, the one who is 'innocent' (I have my own opinions on this) has this allegation noted on his record.

 

So, no, I wouldn't do it.

 

I also have never let my 15yo ds, babysit or be left alone, in charge, of a younger child (except my own) due to this. I may also never have dd do the same. I know it is a bit serious of a reaction, but once you see how a little lie almost led to the arrest of someone who was deemed innocent, it makes you realize how it can really happen.

:iagree:

[Teachin'Mine]

No.

 

If they need someone to watch him, invite him to stay with your family instead. The house can sit itself.

[Chris in VA]

Just wanted to comment about guiding/rules for 18 yo young adults--

My house, my rules. I don't care if you are 50. If you live in my house, you follow our family rules if you want to live here.

 

Now in this case, I agree with those who said no. And it does sound like OP's dd is lovely.

[Mommyfaithe]

Would I "allow" this?

 

Well, your daughter is 18 years old. She is an adult. Is she asking your advice if this is a good idea? I would give her _MY_ input on this arrangement and then go with HER gut. I would tell her basically that I didn't think it was a good idea and why.

 

How about offering that he come and stay at your house. If they are a close family friends, then he should "move in" smoothly.

 

Kris

 

You say that now...wait until your dd IS 18...and then see if you have the same attitude that said DD is an adult. An adult lives on their own, supports themselves and makes rational decisions. I have yet to meet an 18 year old that fit ALL 3 criteria...

 

As for allowing them or advising them ...

 

It just looks crummy...I say invite him to stay at your house or have him have a buddy stay with him at his house if he doesn;t want to be alone....and when he is gone she can go over and house sit. House sitting is always a nice gig for a teenager.

 

~~Faithe

[bookfiend]

So OP, what were your original thoughts?

[Danestress]

Otherwise, I think if she's living in your home, you have a right to make some decisions about what you can accept and not. It would be wise to be very slow to use that power, but I would exercise it at time. I don't think that turning 18 necessarily means that someone can live in my home and eat my food but then behave however he or she chooses.

[katemary63]

So OP, what were your original thoughts?

 

I posted them already. Thanks!

 

BTW: The young man has some personal issues that prevent him from staying alone, but they are not such that they would effect this aspect of the situation or the decision.

[Jackie in AR]

And FYI: Our DD is 18 but is a wonderful, respectful Christian girl who would never go against her parents wishes in this circumstance, even if she disagrees. She knows we have only her best interests in mind AND that we have more life experience then her and more Biblical wisdom then her. So, even though she says she doesn't really get it, she is going to respect our wishes. Thanks again!

 

She sounds like a very wise young lady, Kate.

[Gooblink]

I agree with all of the above.

 

Another thing to consider: Even though they are completely trustworthy, allowing them to be alone together overnight might create the perception of impropriety; you need to protect her reputation.

 

(Boy, am I old-fashioned, or what!)

[lionfamily1999]

Just wanted to comment about guiding/rules for 18 yo young adults--

My house, my rules. I don't care if you are 50. If you live in my house, you follow our family rules if you want to live here.

 

Now in this case, I agree with those who said no. And it does sound like OP's dd is lovely.

:iagree:

[bookfiend]

I posted them already. Thanks!

 

BTW: The young man has some personal issues that prevent him from staying alone, but they are not such that they would effect this aspect of the situation or the decision.

 

Sorry, missed that page! How wonderful to a daughter who honors you and is also highly respected and trusted. It encouages me to continue on our family path.

[lisamarie]

Why can't a 15 year old guy stay at his own house alone for a couple of days?

 

:confused:

 

I don't think it's actually legal to leave a 15 year old home alone over night. I thought you had to be 18. I know that when my parents went out of town overnight, they wouldn't let us stay home alone until one of us was 18.

 

After searching the web, the most I could come up with is this:

 

Since Michigan child support orders provide for child care reimbursements up the a child's 12th birthday, one might assume something from that age, but it will not protect you from criminal charges should something "happen" to your 15 year old "home alone."

[lionfamily1999]

There is a table here that shows the ages that are legal state by state. Most states don't have an age listed, leaving it up to the parents. The oldest is Illinois, 14; youngest are Maryland and South Carolina, 8. Virginia doesn't have any age set.

 

The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry has this to say about it:

 

 

 

Parent(s) should consider the following:

 

• Age readiness
  
• Definition of parental "rules and expectations"
  
• How to access parent(s) or other adults (e.g. phone numbers)
  
• Potentially unsafe situations (e.g. medical emergencies, fire, alcohol, drugs, strangers, guns, etc.)
  
• When and how to answer the phone or doorbell
  
• Use of phone, 911 for emergencies
  
• Use of computer (internet)
  
• Friends and visitors coming to the house
  
• Responsibilities for siblings
  
• Use of unstructured time (e.g. watch TV, videos, etc.);
  
• Access to "adult" cable TV; internet chat rooms and adult web sites
  

It is not possible to make a general statement about when a child can be left home.

[OrganicAnn]

For those who are looking for the OP reply it is #49 in the thread.

[Nestof3]

No.