Encouraging Maturity?

[PollyOR]

I'm reading about the American Revolution in William Bennett's America: The Last Best Hope. I am amazed by the ages of some of these men. George Washington was only 22 (1753) when he was sent to warn the French to cease construction of Fort Duquesne. Lafayette was only 19 when he came to America and volunteered to help with the revolution. Nathan Hale was 24 when he died.

 

Of course, Washington was much older by the time the Revolution took place, but I'm amazed with the maturity of these young men. I sit outside in our church parking lot every morning and see lots of young men going in and out of the building to a religion class. They are good youth, but I can not imagine them having the maturity that young men their age had 200+ years ago.

 

What is causing delayed maturity in modern times? Is it caused by living a privileged life? Is it the same in third world countries?

 

I was aware of delayed maturity, but it has really come to the forefront of my mind as I'm reading about these young men who lived and fought during our country's infancy.

 

One more thought - I also was very immature as a youth. Not something I'm proud of but it is the truth. I see the same thing occurring with my own daughters. I'm wondering how we can give them a good life yet encourage maturity at the same time.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think that young people will often rise to the occasion when they are given real responsibility.

[SquirrellyMama]

I was also amazed by the ages of these people when I read that book. I agree that we don't give kids enough responsibility. I've been trying to figure out how to do this with my kids. Sometimes I wish we lived on a farm so they had more work to do.

 

Kelly

[PollyOR]

I think that young people will often rise to the occasion when they are given real responsibility.

 

Thinking ... How do we do that in this day and age? Most of the youth in our congregation are given cars and they aren't clunkers either. They spend much of their time involved in extra-curricular activities. Those are not bad things, but they did cause a problem in our family. So much time was spent at school, at practice (xc running), doing homework, and going to church activities that I always felt guilty for giving dd chores/work to do. She didn't have time. Most youth I know are even more involved than she was.

 

Then there are the youth who work outside the home. Is that "real responsibility?" It seems like it, but I would say that the majority of their earnings are used for self gratification (new clothes, entertainment). Working isn't necessary, it's for spending cash.

 

I see a generation (or two) that feels a sense of entitlement.

[LauraGB]

... when they are given real responsibility.

 

I think that's key. Our kids really don't have to "work" for much. Ideally, food is on the table, clothes are purchased from a rack, the washing machine and dishwasher takes care of a substantial amt of work, education is there for the taking, and just a whole host of other things, easy things, are what most of us have been raised with. I think all of us have gotten so comfortable (even those of us who are poor - there are still a lot of comforts comparatively speaking there, too) that never having had to hunt and gather and sew and raise animals from birth to slaughter and be an accountant for the family, etc, have had the impact of being less mature for longer. Because, what's the point?

 

I think about this a lot, too.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My ds is only 12 (12.75, if you ask him:)) but he takes his turn with the other men running the sound system at church, he was in charge of our tape ministry for a year (though that fizzled out due to things that had nothing to do with him), he often gets "tech support" questions on the phone etc.

 

None of it is busy work and most of it is not paid work but work he does to support our church community and our family. I hope as he grows, that his responsibilities will grow (and not only related to his love of computers and technology).

[Impish]

I think that life expectancy plays its role.

 

Back in the 1800s, 50 was elderly. There wasn't time to waste.

 

Now, there isn't the *need* to grow up, assume adult responsibilities. I do think that it has to do with the mentality of, "Well, *I* had to do x,y,z as a kid, and I don't want that for my kids." so there are a lot of folks growing up without responsibilities and a strong sense of entitlement...but when folks would expect to die before what we retire at now, I think there was a sense of urgency about things too.

[Cricket]

One of my ancestors ran away from home at 13 to join the soldiers fighting the Revolutionary War. They said he was too young to fight but didn't send him home. They gave him a job carrying water for the soldiers.

 

I think a big part of it today is that adults don't give kids responsibility. My dh is big on responsibility. Our kids have chores. They don't get paid to do them, They have to do them simply because they need to be done and everyone big enough has to help out. He is helping to coach our boys' baseball teams this year. He gets so frustrated with parents because they don't expect their kids to do anything. At 8 and 9 years old, boys should be learning the basics and not catching like a 4 year old any more. They should know how to catch with two hands and how to stand behind the ball when a grounder is coming their way. But parents get mad if you correct their kids and even the kids stand around telling the coaches how they prefer to play rather than learning the right way. It's so upside-down!

[Xuzi]

I think that's key. Our kids really don't have to "work" for much. Ideally, food is on the table, clothes are purchased from a rack, the washing machine and dishwasher takes care of a substantial amt of work, education is there for the taking, and just a whole host of other things, easy things, are what most of us have been raised with. I think all of us have gotten so comfortable (even those of us who are poor - there are still a lot of comforts comparatively speaking there, too) that never having had to hunt and gather and sew and raise animals from birth to slaughter and be an accountant for the family, etc, have had the impact of being less mature for longer. Because, what's the point?

 

I think about this a lot, too.

A friend of mine puts it this way:

 

"We've gotten too far from the farm."

 

Not meeting responsibilities doesn't have immediate or dire consequences much of the time any more. You don't have to take extra good care of your clothing because you only have 2-3 pairs and if it rips or gets ruined you have to repair it by hand or make a replacement by hand. You don't have to pull weeds every day and feed animals every day at 4 in the morning because otherwise you won't eat.

 

Too many things come easy.

 

My oldest is only 5, but finding ways to teach her responsibility is deffinately something that I worry about. So far it's just simple chores (putting her dirty dishes in the sink, dirty clothes in the hamper, and toys in the toy box) but I'm hoping to someday put in a garden (probably not until after we move in the next year or two) to also teach my kids responsibility and the joy of a job well done.

[Tap]

Did they mature fast or did they miss the chance to have a childhood? Kids now don't have the responsibilities of our previous generations but is that good or bad...I don't know. Just because people went to war at 15 doesn't mean they were mature, it is just what they did then. Hasn't there always been a tendency for youth to feel that they are bullet-proof and that bad things won't happen to them? If a teen gets pregnant on purpose now it is seen as a bad thing, they are belittled by some and treated like a foolish kid by others.....100 years ago, it was expected to have children as a teen. Does that mean that the teen of today is less mature to make the same choices made 100 years ago?

[Haiku]

 

What is causing delayed maturity in modern times?

 

I think it is cultural. I have said several times here, but will say again, that my great-grandmother married when she was 13 and had had three babies by the time she was 17. My great-grandfather, who was 11 years older than my g-g, was the town's postmaster as well as running a general store. My g-g was running the house, taking care of the children, AND minding the store when my great-grandfather was at his postal job.

 

I don't think that kids have changed. I think out expectations of them have, and I think the fact that most teens have little to no meaningful work and therefore little to no meaningful responsibilities, has created the epidemic of (dare I say it?) idiotic teens. When things do go wrong for kids, many parents go to Herculean lengths to shield their precious babies from consequences.

 

Tara

[Haiku]

Does that mean that the teen of today is less mature to make the same choices made 100 years ago?

 

When a teen is not married and has no means of supporting him/herself, then yes, the decision to have kids young is immature. One hundred years ago, these girls having babies were married and their husbands earned money. They didn't have boyfriends who were in high school and expect their parents to support them or receive welfare.

 

Tara

[Jean in Newcastle]

Did they mature fast or did they miss the chance to have a childhood? Kids now don't have the responsibilities of our previous generations but is that good or bad...I don't know. Just because people went to war at 15 doesn't mean they were mature, it is just what they did then. Hasn't there always been a tendency for youth to feel that they are bullet-proof and that bad things won't happen to them? If a teen gets pregnant on purpose now it is seen as a bad thing, they are belittled by some and treated like a foolish kid by others.....100 years ago, it was expected to have children as a teen. Does that mean that the teen of today is less mature to make the same choices made 100 years ago?

 

Depending on how far reaching their responsibilities were, yes, they did miss out on some of their childhood. A teen today can miss out on some of their childhood if they go to war (like the child soldiers in Somalia) or get pregnant as a teen. But I do think that we sometimes forget how much kids/teens actually can do. And so often we give our children not enough responsibilities and only focus on their childhood. What I want to provide for my children are small doses of responsibility that lasts only a couple of hours a week or even a day depending on how old they are.

[Jeannie in NJ]

sometimes I think my dd was born "old", in fact a friend of mine one said that dd was the "oldest 6 year old that she had ever seen" and this was a mother of 9. My son is 2 years younger than dd, he is special needs and was born with several birth defects and has already had 16 surgeries.. DD has always taken care of him. ONce when he had a major surgery and was in the recovery room, dd (age 4 or 5 at the time) talked the surgeon into letting her stay in the recovery room with her brother. The nurses said that was the first time that a child was allowed in the recovery room with a patient.

 

When dd was 11, our cat was dying with kidney failure. For 4 months we gave him sub q injections. Dd was the only one that he would let hold him while he was getting the fluids. She would hold him so gently and talk to him the whole time that he was getting the injections which were daily and sometimes 2x a day for 4 months. ANd when he died, dd was holding him at the end (her choice).

 

Now at 14, dd has had constant knee pain since Aug and nothing relieves it. She found out last night that she may need at least 2 and maybe more surgeries on her knees. It kills me that she has to go thru this. I would for right now wish she could just be a carefree teen.

Sometimes I feel that dd has not had much of a carefree childhood. She has always be so mature.

[KrissiK]

The whole "highschool" "adolescence" thing is really a 20th century construct. Before the 20th century, kids didn't really have this prolonged intermediary time between childhood and adulthood. Unfortunately, this is seeming to prolong even more as time goes one. Even when I was growing up I assumed that once you graduated college at age 22 you were an adult and it was expected that you'd get a paying job and either get married or support yourself. When I was in the singles group about 8 years ago at our church, there were people in their mid to late 20's and even early 30's still finishing up college, still "finding themselves", "living at home" with mom and dad. I'm not sure the whole idea of adolescence is all that great of an idea. Back in the day, if a young person reached puberty at 12-13 and a girl got married at 15-16 and a boy maybe a year or two later, depending on how he could support a family, there was a lot fewer years in there to either be promiscuous or to "wait", which is not easy. Now, I know we live in a different time, there is a need for a more extended academic education to make it in this world, but somehow it seems like extending this period of irresponsibility is just not healthy for our society.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think in our Western culture, you can also encourage maturity in how they approach their studies. If you are going to a high school, that would be through the medium of keeping up with your assignments etc. but if the assignments are dumbed down (and I know that some are and some aren't depending on the teacher and the school) you are out of luck. In homeschool, we can encourage them to really delve into things in a deeper way than what is simiply required.

 

Work outside the home can be good for building maturity and so can work inside the home or volunteer work in the community.

 

I've found with both of my children that while they love to play and are "younger" in their play than many of their neighborhood peers, they are also older when it comes to responsibility. In fact, their biggest frustration over the years has been that sometimes they want to help more than they are physically capable of doing. (Though I've also realized that I've been remiss in not always teaching them how to do something correctly. I am trying to correct that now.) And many times they've wanted to help more than the adults around them have been willing to allow them to help.

[Denise in Florida]

sometimes I think my dd was born "old", in fact a friend of mine one said that dd was the "oldest 6 year old that she had ever seen" and this was a mother of 9. My son is 2 years younger than dd, he is special needs and was born with several birth defects and has already had 16 surgeries.. DD has always taken care of him. ONce when he had a major surgery and was in the recovery room, dd (age 4 or 5 at the time) talked the surgeon into letting her stay in the recovery room with her brother. The nurses said that was the first time that a child was allowed in the recovery room with a patient.

 

When dd was 11, our cat was dying with kidney failure. For 4 months we gave him sub q injections. Dd was the only one that he would let hold him while he was getting the fluids. She would hold him so gently and talk to him the whole time that he was getting the injections which were daily and sometimes 2x a day for 4 months. ANd when he died, dd was holding him at the end (her choice).

 

Now at 14, dd has had constant knee pain since Aug and nothing relieves it. She found out last night that she may need at least 2 and maybe more surgeries on her knees. It kills me that she has to go thru this. I would for right now wish she could just be a carefree teen.

Sometimes I feel that dd has not had much of a carefree childhood. She has always be so mature.

:iagree::grouphug:

I have one of these. It seemed as if my older dd was always responsible. She tried as hard as I did to 'mother' my younger dd. She also has a strong radar for 'real work' versus 'busy work'.

 

I have thought a lot about how our society both shelters teens and places a HUGE burden on them. The panic to 'do it all', academic success, sports star, beauty queen, etc. is intense. Society has also blown the difficulty of getting into a 'good school' out of proportion. Teens are told they must have a stellar resume by age 17 or they won't get into the right college and will be doomed. We shelter them from making decisions and then tell them their whole life depends on what they decide next. YEEK

 

Some young adults handle it better than others, some parents are more sensible than others. It is not really possible to generalize (yes, I know I just generalized in the paragraph above :lol:).

[WTMCassandra]

I've found with both of my children that while they love to play and are "younger" in their play than many of their neighborhood peers, they are also older when it comes to responsibility.

 

You know, I see this too in my children. But you put it into words so well! Yes, I am right with you on this.

[Tap]

When a teen is not married and has no means of supporting him/herself, then yes, the decision to have kids young is immature. One hundred years ago, these girls having babies were married and their husbands earned money. They didn't have boyfriends who were in high school and expect their parents to support them or receive welfare.

 

Tara

(I just want to say I am not arguing this point, just carrying on the conversation)

 

But, why do we assume the teens of 100 years ago were mature? Teens did live with extended families 100 years ago, albeit, most were married, but not every 16yo new family had their own home either. If a man fathered a baby in 8th grade then, they would have just dropped out of school, no questions asked. A current teen could do that and get a job at a minimum wage, living at the same standard of living as those 100years ago. Their standard of living was much less than ours now. We don't have to sew our own clothes or live off the land. If a teen newlywed couple lived in a wood cabin with no heat, they could be in trouble for child endangerment now. Back then, that was standard. I have no doubt that my 15yo son, with the basic knowledge of farming a 15yo would have had 100yrs ago, could raise a family and provide for him self and his wife. He is an incredible older brother to our 3yo, provides for himself around the house, is self sufficient in tasks like school, hygiene, and chores. Granted he wasn't raised on a farm to take care of animals, but that doesn't mean he isn't of the same maturity of those who did.

 

I don't know that a kid running off to war at 15 is more mature or less mature. I don't know how we can gauge maturity in current generations based on the need in previous ones.

 

I don't think that my son is less mature than I was 20 years ago at the same age, so why would I think he was less mature than those 100 years ago. In fact he has many more responsibilities, obligations, and a better education that I had. But I had no problem moving out as a teenager and making it on my own. My husband has been on his own since he was 16, and I know he isn't the exception on being mature and on his own in our culture as a teen.

[justamouse]

I actually think many kids are ready for that kind of responsibility. Look at the rebellion in teens. We look at it as a bad thing, but it is them, asking for independence. We really infantilize our kids, I think. We also have enlongated the years they go to school. Weren't the first BAs given at ages 16-17-18? I know that if i let my Dd go, now, at 16, she could probably live on her own IF she had the finances.

[justamouse]

When a teen is not married and has no means of supporting him/herself, then yes, the decision to have kids young is immature. One hundred years ago, these girls having babies were married and their husbands earned money. They didn't have boyfriends who were in high school and expect their parents to support them or receive welfare.

 

Tara

 

But school was done with earlier, too. We've stretched it all out into the early/mid 20s and now, women are marrying even later. I think it all comes down to financial independence, just like you. But I don't see how graduating college with tens of thousands of debt is helpful or enables them to be independent.

[justamouse]

The whole "highschool" "adolescence" thing is really a 20th century construct. Before the 20th century, kids didn't really have this prolonged intermediary time between childhood and adulthood. Unfortunately, this is seeming to prolong even more as time goes one. Even when I was growing up I assumed that once you graduated college at age 22 you were an adult and it was expected that you'd get a paying job and either get married or support yourself. When I was in the singles group about 8 years ago at our church, there were people in their mid to late 20's and even early 30's still finishing up college, still "finding themselves", "living at home" with mom and dad. I'm not sure the whole idea of adolescence is all that great of an idea. Back in the day, if a young person reached puberty at 12-13 and a girl got married at 15-16 and a boy maybe a year or two later, depending on how he could support a family, there was a lot fewer years in there to either be promiscuous or to "wait", which is not easy. Now, I know we live in a different time, there is a need for a more extended academic education to make it in this world, but somehow it seems like extending this period of irresponsibility is just not healthy for our society.

 

:iagree:

[laughing lioness]

One of the ways that we've tried to encourage maturity is to participate in leadership development. A biz owner friend of ours hosted a entrepreneurship seminar for homeschoolers, heavily marketed. He had 3 millionaires present, 7 biz owners, etc. Only 7 kids (2 were mine) showed up. Sad that so many other homeschoolers thought it was a waste of time to partiicpate. My son has each of these biz owners cards and received lots of personal attention from each one of them. You could host the same kind of event. Do you know a successful biz owner? See if he'd be willing to talk with your kids. These people are all about maturity, leadership, respect and hard work!

We've also been heavily involved in political campaings, going to TeenPact and Leadership Institue events. I want my kids to know that they can make a difference despite age, and that there are no wasted years.

We also have been heavily involved in drama. I want the kids to know that they just need to get over themselves when the team needs them and shyness or insecurity is a side issue when the show must go on.

We've also lived on an acerage for 6 years, heating with wood we cut ourselves for 2 of those years. Our kids know the value of hard work and teamwork. When my 9 yo hauled a heavy log in the deep of winter last year I tried to assign value to his labor. "Hey dude, you are providing heat for the whole house for 45 minutes with that one log. You are the MAN!" We garden together every summer. When we are harvesting tomatoes or strawberries we assign value to the work. As we eat dinner we talk about saving $4 on strawberries, $6 on salad, $7 on broccoli, due to everyone's hard work. We pause and (literally) applaud each other when we've contributed to the family or community, or added value in some way.

Difficult academic work that is consistent and challenging whether they want to do it or not. Our biggest obstacle to that is me.

We try to model leadership whenever possible. We say we're sorry if needed. We work on being humble. We start things, run things, etc. often times for free so that the community (and our family) can benefit. Stewardship of time and resources is discussed.

We read a ton of biographies and leadership books. Leaders read about other leaders (leaders read, period.). We spend time really talking with our kids about attitudes, values, choices and quality of life, money, etc. etc. etc.

We expect our kids to be mature. We don't use words like "Teenager" in our home. We call our kids over 12 "young adults" or "youth." Each family member is expected to know how and do chores well: laundry, dishes, lawn care, animals, playing with, reading to younger sibs, etc. etc. There are no jobs beneath anyone and no maid lives here. They are expected to serve others as well. Our kids have helped others move, clean, done childcare, etc for free. I (sorta) playfully tell my kids that they "live to serve." True leaders truly serve.

 

That above was long winded and didn't answer the original query - sorry = } But I've been reading/thinking about leadership a lot lately. I think we're just soft and not as intentional about leadership. In times past "leadership" and maturity were a matter of survival. Now days there are plenty of agencies that will bail you out for many reasons. My g'pa left MO at 13, headed to Chicago and worked till he was 65. Made it to tool and die maker and had a couple of patents. Can you imagine that happening today? And I think the that the lack of obvious class structure might be a contributing factor. In times past the elite and wealthy were the obvious choices to head things up so maybe maturity was thrust on those folks at a younger age too?

Sorry for the long winded ramble. I'm very interested in others responese!

Edited March 18, 2010 by laughing lioness

[mcconnellboys]

"What is causing delayed maturity in modern times? Is it caused by living a privileged life? Is it the same in third world countries?"

 

Gatto, for one, would argue that it is the rules and regulations governing our society that forces institutionalized, meaningless schooling, while disallowing meaningful work in the adult world. He argues strongly for meaningful apprenticeships from the time kids are middle school age......

[stripe]

I recently read Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations by Alex and Brett Harris, both 18. The first third or half of the book was pretty interesting, but their own examples of what teens can do were sometimes interesting and sometimes...not so much. It is also a heavily Christian book (which I didn't expect before reading it) but may be worth checking out to get a "teen perspective." They seem to think that a lot of teens are happier when they work hard at things.

[Cricket]

"What is causing delayed maturity in modern times? Is it caused by living a privileged life? Is it the same in third world countries?"

 

Gatto, for one, would argue that it is the rules and regulations governing our society that forces institutionalized, meaningless schooling, while disallowing meaningful work in the adult world. He argues strongly for meaningful apprenticeships from the time kids are middle school age......

 

:iagree: My 11 year old son can work rings around many adults. At a recent work day at our church, he took the day off school to help my husband re-roof a building. So many of the adults there were amazed at how hard and well he worked. Because we homeschool, it wasn't a big deal to let him go. He loves doing things like that and we've allowed him to take the opportunities as they arise. If he was at school every day, he would never even have those chances. And at this age he thinks manual labor and hard work is very cool! It makes him feel grown up and manly. I don't want to squelch that!

[spradlin02]

I think this is an important thread, so I'm going to give my two cents. One thing I don't have much tolerance for is the idea of letting kids be kids and giving the "time" to grow up. Hogwash! I will echo KrissiK's point of delayed maturity endemic to our cultural system.

 

The whole "highschool" "adolescence" thing is really a 20th century construct. Before the 20th century, kids didn't really have this prolonged intermediary time between childhood and adulthood.

 

I would only add the idea of the teenager. That's a garbage concept that enables a deferment of maturation into the twenties for many and wastes that invaluable time; and it's one of the major considerations when I decided to home educate my children.

 

But, why do we assume the teens of 100 years ago were mature?

 

I think the anecdotal evidence is pretty clear that adolescents entering college are far less prepared to be on their own than even twenty years ago. I read repeatedly of university administrators and staff complain of this.

 

I would also say that while hard work may certainly play a role in growth, more importantly, I think maturity comes with the development of empathy and abatement of the ego. It's the ego that retains one's focus on self, if one's world view is limited to that constricted space, empathy lacks. Unfortunately, the American capitalist paradigm (I'm not arguing for or against the American capitalist paradigm) concentrates and legitimizes the aspirations of ego and self. We live in a society to focuses on the accumulation of personal fulfillment of the ego. We live in a society that focuses on external reward as the basis of our efforts; external rewards that are manifest in primarily the accumulation of wealth; but also notoriety, fame, perceived safety, etc.

 

I'll only touch on the idea of external rewards to argue that studies have shown that people with a strong internal locus of control show to be more mature and successful (however it's defined) in their endeavors. They tend to more internally motivated and less motivated by external forces.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control

 

This is what I hope to help my children develop in themselves.

[spradlin02]

I think this is a good topic of discussion, so...bump.

[mcconnellboys]

I've gained a new appreciation for the fact that my family made me work in our family store from the time I was eleven. I worked in many different departments, did inventory work, ordered, went on buying trips and to conventions, etc. It not only insured that I could hold down management jobs while I was in college, but I really think that sort of things lends itself to good, solid problem solving skills for all of life.

[galtgrl]

This is something we've discussed alot here. The girls have ALOT of farm chores, but they thrive on it. They have the responsibility for their goat herd - daily feed and care, the decisions regarding breeding, assistance during kidding, herd management in general, show prep for fair time...we help with things (I'm still the one who gives the annual shots) but they know the animals count on them. They have to get up early EVERY morning, in sub-zero temps sometimes, to take care of their critters. It's one area where they experience true responsibility and meaningful work.

I agree that teens are capable of alot more than most people will believe. I also agree that prolonged "childhood" is the cause of a lot of rebellion and frustration.

[stripe]

I think this is an important thread, so I'm going to give my two cents. One thing I don't have much tolerance for is the idea of letting kids be kids and giving the "time" to grow up. Hogwash! I will echo KrissiK's point of delayed maturity endemic to our cultural system.

 

I think there is a middle path between a 13 year old girl being expected to earn a full salary, take care of a husband and child(ren), and do all the housework of a home, and a 30 year old who can't toast his own bagel, though.

 

I also think there's an interesting idea of "independence" that many adults have, i.e. that it's weird to live at home past the age of 18, to spend "too much" time on one's kids (an attitude many homeschooling parents encounter), to have elderly parents live at home, and so on, that this is a sign of moral weakness. However, given that many people think it's fine to hire someone to change their baby's/parent's diaper or feed them and so on, it is not as if we are doing it all ourselves, so I don't buy it as genuine independence.

[happyhomemaker25]

I think age segregation has some to do with it as well. When you put a bunch of 13, 14, 15 yo kids together they tend to act like well.. kids. Put those same kids with adults and watch how they transform. Even putting them with younger kids to watch over and they show a greater maturity.

Now they are segregated at church and at school.

At our church the only kids I see helping with the setup and breakdown (we meet in a school so it's everything set up and break down) are the homeschooled kids who are used to responsibility. Not saying that PS kids aren't given responsibility it just does not seem that way at my church. Even my 4 yo helps carry chairs while other kids and teens are off playing in the parking lot.

I agree with the kids rising to the expectations as well. I push my kids to the point that they start to be overwhelmed and then I back off just a tad. I support them at all times though which I think is the best way to teach them when it's a little harder.

Someone else said in their play their kids seemed younger but in their responsibility they seemed older. That's true here as well. I never thought of it though until it was said.

We are going to be reading Do Hard Things in our family time in a few months. I am looking forward to it. :)

[mcconnellboys]

It's funny, my older son worked last summer for the first time. It was just part-time. He's wrapping up his senior year and I just told him to go out and get a job this past weekend. He seemed pretty giddy about the whole thing. He's very (overly, LOL) optimistic that he's going to get one of the handful of jobs he just applied for at the beginning of the week. It will be interesting to see how it all plays out, but I do hope that he gets something and gets a taste of working in retail before he goes back to lifeguarding this summer.

[PeterPan]

Granted we aren't far enough along to know how it will pan out, but my dh's philosophy with this is to raise them to be in love with adulthood. We limit toys and offer them experiences with real things, adult things, so they want those instead. My dd has never been in love with the latest fad of some particular toy line. She desperately WANTS to grow up and interact in the adult world. I think that's the start.

 

You know, reading Tara's comments about her g-ma marrying at 13, I'm realizing I've been slow to see my own dd's growth! She has really sprouted this year (at almost 11), and you're right, she's literally turning into a young woman before my very eyes. So at this point the only thing holding her back is my need to keep holding a little girl. :)

[stripe]

I think age segregation has some to do with it as well. When you put a bunch of 13, 14, 15 yo kids together they tend to act like well.. kids. Put those same kids with adults and watch how they transform. Even putting them with younger kids to watch over and they show a greater maturity.

Good point -- I was reading that many new parents have ZERO experience with babies and that their own child is the first baby they've ever held! I've observed the difference in cultures where people have more kids and have more interactions with extended families. Even teenaged boys are capable of taking care of little kids, at least to entertain them, whereas American teen boys (and many others) seem to not know what to do at all.