cathmom Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Our oldest has a girlfriend who will be 18 in the next few months. She does not live near here. He wants her to come visit. Her mom has supposedly given permission, but sees no need to talk to us about the trip. The fact that she is a minor makes dh and I uncomfortable in terms of being responsible for her. We also don't really know that her mother truly has given permission. So what do you think? Are we being silly for being uncomfortable with this? We are fine with the relationship and fine with the idea of her coming to visit, it's just the issue of her being a minor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 If my family was hosting my son's girlfriend overnight, I'd be very careful to speak to the girl's parents, the girl, and my son beforehand and lay out our expectations. If he still lives in your house, you are responsible for ensuring that your family's behavioral standards are being met. The fact that my son is 19 would not matter one bit to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 If my family was hosting my son's girlfriend overnight, I'd be very careful to speak to the girl's parents, the girl, and my son beforehand and lay out our expectations. If he still lives in your house, you are responsible for ensuring that your family's behavioral standards are being met. The fact that my son is 19 would not matter one bit to me. :iagree: No way would I allow or condone her coming unless you speak with her mother, have written permission in case of medical emergency, etc. Last thing you need is harbouring a runaway issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 If my family was hosting my son's girlfriend overnight, I'd be very careful to speak to the girl's parents, the girl, and my son beforehand and lay out our expectations. If he still lives in your house, you are responsible for ensuring that your family's behavioral standards are being met. The fact that my son is 19 would not matter one bit to me. Absolutely. Just because her mom supposedly feels no need to speak to you doesn't mean you don't have the need or right to speak to her. She may very well be fine with it, but I'd want to discuss the issues with her before I agreed to anything. And the bottom line really is, if you're not comfortable with it, it doesn't have to happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingM Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I would definitely call first, to make sure the mother was okay. Other than that, I think it sounds like a visit would be fine. A little supervision from your side, but nothing too overbearing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 No biggle. Yes, just call and speak with her. I would also want emergency treatment permission info. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 When I was 17, my boyfriend at the time was also 17. On his way to my house one day, he cut a HUGE gash in his arm and needed to go to the hospital. His parents were out of town and the hospital refused him treatment!!! My mom had to call and pretend to be a relative and give permission before he could get treated. His mother was actually UPSET by this. Of course, her son could have just bled to death.... :( My point is that talking to the mother and having a medical release of some sort are both good ideas. Even if the mom feels no need to contact you, that doesn't mean you can't contact her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenAL Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I agree with the others. Talk to her mother & BE SURE to get written permission to seek medical treatment if necessary. That is VERY important! If the mother will not speak to you or provide you with the permission to seek treatment, I'd not allow the girlfriend to visit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asta Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Not to be the elephant in the room... Is your son already 18? If so, any yahoo can accuse him of statutory rape. His girlfriend, her parents, one of her siblings - anyone. It doesn't have to have actually happened. It doesn't matter how nice he is or how nice she is. I realize this is a horrible, horrible thought, but if it were my son, and he were already 18, there would be absolutely no way he would be having contact with someone under the age of 18 in today's climate. The last place I lived, there was a horrible case of a young man who was put into federal prison when his 17 yo girlfriend's parents got upset that their daughter was dating him. It (obviously) ruined his life. The burden of proof was on him, not her, and he was the "adult". a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lgm Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Is she a college student living away from home or high schooler living at home? College student - presumed independent, no problem. High school - nope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I agree with Asta. If your son is 19 and she isn't yet 18, allegations could be made. Probably, it wouldn't happen, but than again you never know what goes through people's minds. I would wait until she was 18 since you indicated that would happen in a few months anyway. Maybe I am too cautious, but having seen several situations happen with people I never thought it would, it makes me think twice about things that maybe before I never would have given a thought too. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Is your son already 18? If so, any yahoo can accuse him of statutory rape. Good grief - that would never have occurred to me. In Canada the legal age of consent is 16 (was 14 until a couple years ago) AND one partner can be an adult if you're within 5 years of each other's age.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnandtinagilbert Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 If my family was hosting my son's girlfriend overnight, I'd be very careful to speak to the girl's parents, the girl, and my son beforehand and lay out our expectations. If he still lives in your house, you are responsible for ensuring that your family's behavioral standards are being met. The fact that my son is 19 would not matter one bit to me. :iagree: if you don't know this girl, the family, you don't know what you're getting into...legal documents an absolute must, along with conversation, Before she comes, with parents, her and ds about your expectations on behavior, time spent and sleeping arrangements. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Not to be the elephant in the room... Is your son already 18? If so, any yahoo can accuse him of statutory rape. His girlfriend, her parents, one of her siblings - anyone. It doesn't have to have actually happened. It doesn't matter how nice he is or how nice she is. I realize this is a horrible, horrible thought, but if it were my son, and he were already 18, there would be absolutely no way he would be having contact with someone under the age of 18 in today's climate. The last place I lived, there was a horrible case of a young man who was put into federal prison when his 17 yo girlfriend's parents got upset that their daughter was dating him. It (obviously) ruined his life. The burden of proof was on him, not her, and he was the "adult". a I completely agree. Especially if you've never met the parents. There wouldn't be a visit until she turns 18, for us, anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Not to be the elephant in the room... Is your son already 18? If so, any yahoo can accuse him of statutory rape. His girlfriend, her parents, one of her siblings - anyone. It doesn't have to have actually happened. It doesn't matter how nice he is or how nice she is. I realize this is a horrible, horrible thought, but if it were my son, and he were already 18, there would be absolutely no way he would be having contact with someone under the age of 18 in today's climate. The last place I lived, there was a horrible case of a young man who was put into federal prison when his 17 yo girlfriend's parents got upset that their daughter was dating him. It (obviously) ruined his life. The burden of proof was on him, not her, and he was the "adult". a Yep. I've seen this, too, & it's very sad. You don't want to look up the map of sex offenders in your area & have your house light up. I don't know how reasonable that would sound to 2 teens, though. I might be busy & put them off--kindly--but inconspicuously until she was 18. And even then, I think I *personally* would find a friend or relative for her to stay w/. But I'm waaaaay on the conservative end of those sorts of things, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 My son is nearly 20. She is kind of in limbo between high school and college. OK, so I see that I'm not wrong to be uncomfortable about this. You've given me some words to put to my discomfort. Thank you. Aubrey, there is no one else for her to stay with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Good grief - that would never have occurred to me. In Canada the legal age of consent is 16 (was 14 until a couple years ago) AND one partner can be an adult if you're within 5 years of each other's age.... I was almost sure that some states had adopted an 'age gap' sort of law. But I'm not exactly an expert on that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolin'mygirls Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 (edited) was involved with a 28 yo man man once that was listed as a sex offender. He could not be legally left alone with any children and will always be reg as a sex offender. He had to disclose this info to people when he applied for jobs and yes, his address lit up on the sex offender warning sites. Sometimes he would have people send him ugly notes or drive by and yell horrible things to him. What he did? As a just turned 18 year old, he and his 17 1/2 girlfriend were sexually intimate. Her father found out and pressed charges, against the girl's wishes, and the boy was charged and found guilty. This will never go away for him and has changed his life in ways that are unimaginable to us. You can't predict what will happen or not happen. Especially since her parents--at least at this point--aren't communicating much. Protect your son. edited to add--just adding info--not implying that your son would make the same decision my stepdaughter's friend did Edited September 18, 2009 by homeschoolin'mygirls Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepymommy Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Not to be the elephant in the room... Is your son already 18? If so, any yahoo can accuse him of statutory rape. His girlfriend, her parents, one of her siblings - anyone. It doesn't have to have actually happened. It doesn't matter how nice he is or how nice she is. I realize this is a horrible, horrible thought, but if it were my son, and he were already 18, there would be absolutely no way he would be having contact with someone under the age of 18 in today's climate. The last place I lived, there was a horrible case of a young man who was put into federal prison when his 17 yo girlfriend's parents got upset that their daughter was dating him. It (obviously) ruined his life. The burden of proof was on him, not her, and he was the "adult". a :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Not to be the elephant in the room... Is your son already 18? If so, any yahoo can accuse him of statutory rape. His girlfriend, her parents, one of her siblings - anyone. It doesn't have to have actually happened. It doesn't matter how nice he is or how nice she is. I realize this is a horrible, horrible thought, but if it were my son, and he were already 18, there would be absolutely no way he would be having contact with someone under the age of 18 in today's climate. The last place I lived, there was a horrible case of a young man who was put into federal prison when his 17 yo girlfriend's parents got upset that their daughter was dating him. It (obviously) ruined his life. The burden of proof was on him, not her, and he was the "adult". a :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Our oldest has a girlfriend who will be 18 in the next few months. She does not live near here. He wants her to come visit. Her mom has supposedly given permission, but sees no need to talk to us about the trip. The fact that she is a minor makes dh and I uncomfortable in terms of being responsible for her. We also don't really know that her mother truly has given permission. So what do you think? Are we being silly for being uncomfortable with this? We are fine with the relationship and fine with the idea of her coming to visit, it's just the issue of her being a minor. Wait the few months, then have the visit. Really, it's just safer that way. You could get a signed permission slip from her parents and that still won't protect you if they say anything "happened." Especially if they're bf/gf and the things that could happen could result in life long problems for ds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudyJudyJudy Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I agree with those who say that you should talk to her parents and have arrangements made in case emergency medical treatment is needed (including insurance information). Not to be the elephant in the room... Is your son already 18? If so, any yahoo can accuse him of statutory rape. His girlfriend, her parents, one of her siblings - anyone. It doesn't have to have actually happened. It doesn't matter how nice he is or how nice she is. I realize this is a horrible, horrible thought, but if it were my son, and he were already 18, there would be absolutely no way he would be having contact with someone under the age of 18 in today's climate. The last place I lived, there was a horrible case of a young man who was put into federal prison when his 17 yo girlfriend's parents got upset that their daughter was dating him. It (obviously) ruined his life. The burden of proof was on him, not her, and he was the "adult". The law on this varies from state to state. The legal age for consent in Georgia is 16. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 The law on this varies from state to state. The legal age for consent in Georgia is 16. Yes, but even then, what kind of liability might the OPer have if something happened in her home while the minor was under her protection? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 Wait the few months, then have the visit. Really, it's just safer that way. You could get a signed permission slip from her parents and that still won't protect you if they say anything "happened." Especially if they're bf/gf and the things that could happen could result in life long problems for ds. This is what I lean towards. I'll have to talk to dh tonight. I do want to meet her and don't mind her staying here (I'm always here so there wouldn't be much opportunity for anything), I'd just like her to be 18 before she comes. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 This is what I lean towards. I'll have to talk to dh tonight. I do want to meet her and don't mind her staying here (I'm always here so there wouldn't be much opportunity for anything), I'd just like her to be 18 before she comes. :) It's just safer for all involved (legally). Maybe she could come up with a parent? Lol, that sounds like buckets of fun, but at least then she'd have a guardian with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 No way on God's green earth would a minor be visiting my house without detailed conversations with his/her parents. The girlfriend could easily be lying. If not, and the parents truly have no interest in talking to you, I'd be even more wary of having her come - - that's very weird behavior, imo. And yes, check the age of consent laws very carefully, and don't have her come if she isn't of age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudyJudyJudy Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Yes, but even then, what kind of liability might the OPer have if something happened in her home while the minor was under her protection? You could say that about any child under the age of 18 who spends the night with you or even spends any time with you without his/her parents. In the state of Georgia, though, 17 isn't an age of concern for me. Legally, a child of 17 can leave home, and there's not a thing you can do about it as a parent (except cut him/her off financially). Oddly enough, the only tricky part is medical treatment; they're still very strict about that here for kids under 18 unless the kid is pregnant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 Maybe she could come up with a parent? Lol, that sounds like buckets of fun, but at least then she'd have a guardian with her. not possible I did check the age of consent in our state and her state - both 16. So she is above, but still, I would prefer her to be 18. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Okay, I simply had to google age of consent, and now I'm laughing because some states have DIFFERENT AGES. In Montana, boys have to wait until 18, but girls can have at it at 16 - - unless they want to be with another girl, in which case they have to wait until 18 also. Really? Why make them wait longer to have sex with a person who can't possibly get them pregnant? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 At least you wouldn't have to worry about ds being on the naughty list for the rest of his life ;) I'm not assuming your son is nefarious or anything, for all I know he's happy just seeing her. Maybe I should hush now :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 My dh says to make him wait until she is 18, especially considering the mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted September 19, 2009 Author Share Posted September 19, 2009 My dh says to make him wait until she is 18, especially considering the mother. That is what we have decided. Thanks all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fey Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 The relationship between a man and a woman used to be thought one of the most beautiful things in life... Now there are so many examples of immorality around, that people don't remember what the relationship can be. Are we so far gone that we're borderline accusing cathmom's ds of immoral acts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asta Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 The relationship between a man and a woman used to be thought one of the most beautiful things in life... Now there are so many examples of immorality around, that people don't remember what the relationship can be. Are we so far gone that we're borderline accusing cathmom's ds of immoral acts? Nope. You missed the point completely. No one is accusing cathmom's son of anything. We're saying that someone she doesn't even know IRL (the girl's mom, a sibling, the girl's friend, someone she knows, the girl's father, etc.) could get a wild hair up their hoo-ha about cathmom's son being 19 and the girl being 17, or cathmom's son having brown eyes (or whatever), and report him for statutory rape. And it would stick. SIMPLY because he is 19 and she is 17. That is how the law works. And cathmom isn't willing to risk it (rightly so). a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fey Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Thank you, but I have a clear-cut understanding of the law. I was merely being wistful about what used to be. It saddens me that these are the worries of today's families. Cathmom's willingness seems moot. The two are already in a relationship so that risk is there whether or not her home is involved. Once again, I thank you for the explanation, but I already understood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Wow. I'm actually really surprised by the reactions here. Lots of kids go to college at 17. I did. Dh did. Many of our friends did. Visiting another family seems like an awful lot smaller deal than that! Also, check the laws in your area, but it's highly unlikely that statutory rape laws would apply to a 19yo and a 17yo, even if someone *did* choose to make allegations of some kind. (Age of consent matters in your area, but frequently so does the age *span* between the two parties -- less than three years difference is unlikely to be an issue.) I can absolutely understand having firm boundaries (where each teen sleeps at night, curfews, open doors when they're in a room alone, etc), but just saying she can't come? For fear of... what? I think many of these responses have been overreactions. Calling the mom and confirming the invitation and plans is a good idea. But getting to know the girl in your own home would also be a good thing to do. With basically the same guidelines you would have in place if she were local. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Wow. I'm actually really surprised by the reactions here. Lots of kids go to college at 17. I did. Dh did. Many of our friends did. Visiting another family seems like an awful lot smaller deal than that! Also, check the laws in your area, but it's highly unlikely that statutory rape laws would apply to a 19yo and a 17yo, even if someone *did* choose to make allegations of some kind. (Age of consent matters in your area, but frequently so does the age *span* between the two parties -- less than three years difference is unlikely to be an issue.) I can absolutely understand having firm boundaries (where each teen sleeps at night, curfews, open doors when they're in a room alone, etc), but just saying she can't come? For fear of... what? I think many of these responses have been overreactions. Calling the mom and confirming the invitation and plans is a good idea. But getting to know the girl in your own home would also be a good thing to do. With basically the same guidelines you would have in place if she were local. I agree with you in general, abbeyj, but not for this particular situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fey Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Wow. I'm actually really surprised by the reactions here. Lots of kids go to college at 17. I did. Dh did. Many of our friends did. Visiting another family seems like an awful lot smaller deal than that! Also, check the laws in your area, but it's highly unlikely that statutory rape laws would apply to a 19yo and a 17yo, even if someone *did* choose to make allegations of some kind. (Age of consent matters in your area, but frequently so does the age *span* between the two parties -- less than three years difference is unlikely to be an issue.) I can absolutely understand having firm boundaries (where each teen sleeps at night, curfews, open doors when they're in a room alone, etc), but just saying she can't come? For fear of... what? I think many of these responses have been overreactions. Calling the mom and confirming the invitation and plans is a good idea. But getting to know the girl in your own home would also be a good thing to do. With basically the same guidelines you would have in place if she were local. This is exactly what I was thinking last night. It seems many of these posts stem from an irrational paranoia. An understandable paranoia, but a paranoia. You are right regarding the statutory rape laws. A further point with that is if that were to happen, more than likely the girl would turn 18 before the court case would be resolved considering how slow the justice system is these days. As I mentioned, that risk already applies to the relationship, so it shouldn't have much bearing over the actual decision. In fact, such a happening is less likely to happen under your roof than anywhere else they are at. Cathmom, have you talked to your ds about your fears? Do you have any reason not to trust him or his girlfriend? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fey Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Wow. I'm actually really surprised by the reactions here. Lots of kids go to college at 17. I did. Dh did. Many of our friends did. Visiting another family seems like an awful lot smaller deal than that! Also, check the laws in your area, but it's highly unlikely that statutory rape laws would apply to a 19yo and a 17yo, even if someone *did* choose to make allegations of some kind. (Age of consent matters in your area, but frequently so does the age *span* between the two parties -- less than three years difference is unlikely to be an issue.) I can absolutely understand having firm boundaries (where each teen sleeps at night, curfews, open doors when they're in a room alone, etc), but just saying she can't come? For fear of... what? I think many of these responses have been overreactions. Calling the mom and confirming the invitation and plans is a good idea. But getting to know the girl in your own home would also be a good thing to do. With basically the same guidelines you would have in place if she were local. I agree with you in general, abbeyj, but not for this particular situation. Renee, you have been adamantly against this from the start. May I ask why? Your dh even said for him to wait...I did not understand this, because they are already in the relationship implying they have seen each other before. Waiting seems to be a too little, too late measure. If He has allowed nothing to happen yet, then perhaps nothing will happen. Once again I must come back to the paranoia and fear I see here...it is saddening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Renee, you have been adamantly against this from the start. May I ask why? Your dh even said for him to wait...I did not understand this, because they are already in the relationship implying they have seen each other before. Waiting seems to be a too little, too late measure. If He has allowed nothing to happen yet, then perhaps nothing will happen. Once again I must come back to the paranoia and fear I see here...it is saddening. We know cathmom and her son very well IRL and it has *nothing* to do with her ds. I don't doubt that he would act in a responsible, respectful way and that *everything* would be above-board. In this case, I may be a little paranoid, but it is more that someone else involved in the situation may cause some serious drama, not that anything would "happen." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fey Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Do you also know the girl and her mother IRL? Anyone can cause the drama, and the drama could happen with or without cathmom's home being involved. I am happy to hear about cathmom's ds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Do you also know the girl and her mother IRL? Anyone can cause the drama, and the drama could happen with or without cathmom's home being involved. I am happy to hear about cathmom's ds. I am not comfortable going any further with this conversation. Sorry!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted September 24, 2009 Author Share Posted September 24, 2009 Our ds wants us to let her come visit WITHOUT speaking to her mother. He says that the mother sees no reason to talk to us. We are supposed to take their word for it that she has mom's permission. Yes, my son and she are already in a relationship, but they have only seen each other in person twice (they met on the Internet). He is pushing for us to let her come because they haven't seen each other in 4 months. He has no money to go see her. The girl is in a very volatile family situation. Dh and I feel it's better all around if the girl is 18 before she comes. Please continue talking if you like, but I am not comfortable sharing any more details on this forum. Thanks everyone for all of your opinions! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Our ds wants us to let her come visit WITHOUT speaking to her mother. He says that the mother sees no reason to talk to us. We are supposed to take their word for it that she has mom's permission. Yes, my son and she are already in a relationship, but they have only seen each other in person twice (they met on the Internet). He is pushing for us to let her come because they haven't seen each other in 4 months. He has no money to go see her. The girl is in a very volatile family situation. Dh and I feel it's better all around if the girl is 18 before she comes. Please continue talking if you like, but I am not comfortable sharing any more details on this forum. Thanks everyone for all of your opinions! Yeah, lots of red flags there. I think you made the right decision, and I am generally very liberal about stuff like this. Good for you for sticking to your guns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted September 24, 2009 Author Share Posted September 24, 2009 I've already made it clear that this discussion, as far as it includes me, is over, and I will not answer any PMs about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macrina Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 (edited) I haven't read all the replies but I was at college when I was 17 and stayed with my bf's parent's (now my in laws) lots of times. He was 20. They were in OH, the college in PA and my folks in MA. There was communication between the two parents, my bf (now dh) and I did all the communication between everyone. It was never a problem. We got married a month after my 19th birthday, DH was 22 at the time. EAT after reading more (whoops!) sounds like a good decision was made! Edited September 24, 2009 by Macrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Okay, history of drama, apparent deception towards the mother (for whatever reason), volatile family situation.... Clearly there's a lot more to this story, and none of it sounds very promising. (All this being the case, I'd probably be avoiding having them together at all, as possible, regardless of age...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fey Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Okay, history of drama, apparent deception towards the mother (for whatever reason), volatile family situation.... Clearly there's a lot more to this story, and none of it sounds very promising. (All this being the case, I'd probably be avoiding having them together at all, as possible, regardless of age...) Cathmom's ds was deceptive? I must have missed something...what facts are there to support that assertion? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Cathmom's ds was deceptive? I must have missed something...what facts are there to support that assertion? No, I meant the kids attempting to be deceptive towards the girl's mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fey Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I feel like there is way more than meets the eye to this situation. Something is fishy about all of this. Are they really attempting to be deceptive? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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