Can we talk about the spacing of babies?

[cathmom]

Three minutes was a little close for comfort LOL! (twins)

 

I have all sorts of spacing - 6.5 years between #1 and #2, then 26 months between #2 and #3, then 5 years 1 month between #3 and #4, then 2 years 2 weeks between #4 and the twins, then 2 years 10 months between the twins and #7.

 

If you are going for closeness between siblings, I would avoid a gap of longer than 3-4 years. My two sets who are over 5 years apart are basically horrible to each other IMO. However, if you are going for parental sanity and enjoyment of each's babyhood, longer spacing is good.

 

The 2y 2m between #4 and the twins was really, really hard, and I am extremely blessed that I had older dc to help me. Having 3 dc 2 and under was just a blur. So then I thought the slightly longer spacing between the twins and #7 would be wonderful, except that the twins learned how to climb out of their cribs and stopped napping right after he was born. Preschool twins on the loose and a newborn was not a fun combination!

[FlockOfSillies]

We had three kids in four years, then a four-year break before our Irish twins. #2 and #3 are 18 mos. apart and are the best of friends, and #1 and #3 fight like crazy (Mother Hen/middle child junk).

 

It was really nice to have a long break between the Bigs and the Littles. The Bigs were out of diapers and strollers, they bathed and toileted and dressed themselves, they buckled themselves into the car. I'm hoping my babies will be as close as #2 and #3 are. I would be disappointed if the caboose had no one to latch onto, kwim?

 

Batch your work, LOL.

[sarahli]

Would you mind sharing the name of the prenatal vitamin that worked for you to minimize morning sickness?

 

I'm not Lisa, but Rainbow Light one-a-day prenatal vitamins helped tremendously for me (besides Vistaril :tongue_smilie:). I had hyperemesis and was hospitalized four times. It would be irresponsible for me to have a close spacing with another child and risk not being able to take care of my son.

 

DH and I are both from large families. I'm closest with my sibling who is 8 years younger than me, and my dh is closest with his sibling who is also 8 years younger. It doesn't have to be a close age gap to ensure that siblings will be life-long friends.

[creekland]

The two I planned are 2 years and 20 days apart. The one surprise is 19 months behind my middle son.

 

I absolutely love the spacing. They have been friends and have played together since they were very young. It's also fairly easy to plan vacations, etc, that will appeal to them - and I can pair up the middle son with either the older or the younger for some homeschool classes without having to modify the curriculum.

[PeterPan]

Batch your work, LOL.

 

I love it! Thanks everybody!! :)

[Loupelou]

My first 3 are each 2 1/2 years apart , I loved that spacing mainly because they were independent and potty trained before the next baby. The next two are just over two years and we followed that up with #6 19 months later. It was a little close for me, I ended up weaning my son before we both were ready. We had #7 4 years later. I had health issues that have precluded us from having more and I wish now that I hadn't waited so long, maybe I would have been healthier(?) and could have had another maybe not, who knows. Our family feels complete. I love the help I have now and I think it's a wonderful experience for older siblings to help take responsibility for another little person. I know I am closest to my sister who is 11 years younger, we have similar personalities. I thought of her as my little baby. I think that type of experience can help to lessen some of the self-centeredness we can experience in our pre-teen/teen years.

 

Another sister is due with her 4th in as many years, she is so beside herself, but I think she also loves that her dc are close in age and play so well together. Every family is different, we all have to decide what works for us individually. That and accept what sometimes comes to us;)!

 

Sometimes you get what you get and you make happiness! :D

[GVD22]

I liked having mine 3 years apart. I felt I got enough time with my older son when he was little and very needy. By 3 he was getting more independent and I enjoyed having time with a baby again.

 

All of ours are three years apart. That's perfect for us.:)

[amy g.]

My very favorite spacing is 13 years. My oldest and youngest are 13 years apart, and they are just inseparable. I'm 13 years older than my brother, and we are still very close.

 

The 2 that are 20 months apart have never fought, and the 2 that are 8 years apart play all of the time.

 

All of the spacings I've had have worked well. Only two of my children argue, and that is just a personality thing, unrelated to spacing.

[hornblower]

Mine are 3.5 years apart & I'm happy with that.

When my youngest was born, one of my close friends had a baby that same month but her older one was only 2.5. Things were a LOT harder for her. Her older one was a lot more needy & unhappy about sharing. My older one was more into helping & I think a bit readier to be the 'big girl'.

[Shelly in the Country]

My oldest two kids (9 and 5) are 3 1/2 years apart and they get along great. They play together all the time and it great to watch my dd be the "big sister". My 5yo and my 3yo fight all the time. They don't play so well together. My 3 yo will sometimes try to play with my 18 month old, but most of the time he just picks on my 3yo and takes her toys...

 

Based on my personal experience, I like the larger spacing of 3 1/2 years, but of course these things are totally unpredicatable. I'm also glad I didn't really worry about spacing.

[Reya]

For medical reasons, there is good empirical evidence for a minimum of 18 mo (1st world/2 yrs 2nd and 3rd) and (interestingly) a max of 5 years.

 

1 yr or less substantially raises risks all around.

 

#1 was an unexpected blessing, and the gap before #2 is due to the other pregnancies not making it very far. They ADORE each other, however.

[Irene Lynn]

Just had to throw this in. Ours are spaced 13.5 years apart. It is working out well, except for my abdominals which may never fully recover.

 

Our dd was a very sensitive girl and thrived in a quiet house. She would get overwhelmed in loud, chaotic situations. She is older and much more able to cope now. Her little brother is definitely a loud, chaotic situation! LOL He would have sent her to tears many times a day, if he had come much sooner. Now he is just helping her learn to cope in the world and is teaching her to take care of little ones. I loved the wonderful time that I had with dd for so many years. We spent hours at a time talking and being together. I am also grateful that our son came when he did, because it was time for dd to break away from me in a healthy way. We are still close, but we don't have much time together without interruption, ear piercing, body jolting interruption. They are such polar opposites that I am very glad they have a great deal of time between them. Our dd had a quiet, peaceful house in which to grow and thrive and our son will have a noisy house with activities and guests coming in and out.

[Peela]

Mine are 17.5 months apart and its been great but I doubt I could have handled another that close.

I have just encouraged a friend who has just had her first, in her 30s, to have another soon rather than wait 3 years as she thought. Several others told her the same. Its great having them close. I read "ideally" they shoudl be 3 years apart to get enough 100% parent attention but I just think the sibling closeness is worth having them close.

[PeterPan]

You know Peela, you've summarized it really well. If they're farther apart, they get more parental attention and time to themselves with you, and closer together they have that sibling closeness. For Reya, I had read that too, that the ideal was 18-30 months between pregnancies. I don't buy the max spread of 5 years at all, lol. My babies are 9 1/2 years apart, and it was a better pregnancy, better birth, etc. in every way. My midwife was uncertain of whether my body would treat it as a first or 2nd birth, because of the long space, but it worked out just fine, with a short labor even.

 

Peela, I really appreciate your suggestion that once you hit your 30s you should just do it. I think that's kind of where we're at. On the one hand, I feel young (and am, lol). On the other hand, the clock is ticking and things change. I don't know why it feels like such an emotional roller coaster though, why you can at one moment be thinking how much you'd like to be pregnant again and want more and in the next be wondering what in the world you were thinking and how in the world you would handle it. :)

[NCJessieRN]

Our first two were 17 months apart then a 4yr gap then the last two are 12 1/2 months apart. I LOVE having them close together. They are the best playmates and best friends. About getting attention from us, we say they were too young to remember what it was like being alone so there was no competition or jealousy issues (for now while they're young I guess).

[kokotg]

I have almost exactly 2 years and then 2 1/2 years. The 2 1/2 year gap was much easier when they were little, but I think that's as much a matter of personalities as anything (my second DS was a much more laid back toddler than my first (or my third)). They're all very close now; the oldest two are probably a little tighter, but I think that's mostly because the youngest is still a toddler; he can't do as much big kid stuff (although he thinks he can!).

 

This is an interesting thread...I've encountered a lot of discussions like this on boards where most people have younger children. I think you get a lot more cautionary tales about close spacing on those kinds of boards. It seems like once people live through baby and toddlerhood, they become much bigger fans of close spacing. In general I think it's very hard early on, but the rewards come later.

[JenAL]

All four of mine are between 23 months & 27 months apart. I think it's perfect for us.

[novagirl]

they are 2.5 years apart and play well together. We've tried for more, once #2 was 2 yrs old, but we have lost every pregnancy since. So, if God wants to give me another one, GREAT, if not, I will be content, you know?

[AuntPol]

I haven't read all the posts, but my advice is no spacing. After this morning with my kids, it is my advice to only have one child. I swear sibling issues take up 90% of my parenting woes.

[Sandy in Indy]

I haven't read all the posts, but my advice is no spacing. After this morning with my kids, it is my advice to only have one child. I swear sibling issues take up 90% of my parenting woes.

 

:grouphug: Sounds like you've had a hard morning...

 

My first two are 3 years apart and that was wonderful. I felt like I had time with each of them, and they're very close. That spacing was ideal.

 

Then we...well....waited. My memory lapsed. Nine years later, I got pregnant. Forgot about the constant nausea and...TMI! Anyway, had #3, intending to have #4. #3 turned out to be attached to my person 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for FIVE long years. There is not, and will not be, a #4. (sadly) There comes a time when age should count in your decisions. In mine, 47 was a bit late to think about another child.

 

Go for it when *you're* ready, Oh Elizabeth. Children are such a blessing.

[christielee7278]

My oldest and 2nd are 6 years apart. I wish they were closer in age. They aren't very close brothers.

 

My 2nd and 3rd are 23 months apart and I think that is a great spacing!! They are best buds!! Both frequently say the other is his "best friend in the whole wide world." They watch out for each other. My 3rd who is 3 says "don't be mean to my brother" when I get onto my 2nd.

 

Since 23 months worked out so well with those two, we planned the same between our 3rd and 4th. Would have been perfect if #4 hadn't decided to come a month early!! :lol: So there are 22 months between 3 and 4. I think they'll be great friends. too.

 

My younger three birthdates:

 

June 29, 2004

May 22, 2006

March 24, 2008

 

And just for fun, my oldest birthday is Jan 21, 1998. I guess I have a thing for the 20's!!! :lol:

 

The biggest downside to having all three so close is the my oldest being so apart from the younger three. He feels left out sometimes. We try to make him feel special though by letting him do things that the youngers aren't allowed to do yet like special bike rides to the library via the ice cream place and playing at friends' houses. I really wish we hadn't waited so long in between 1 and 2 though.

[rafiki]

.

[SnowWhite]

I *wanted* kids spaced two years apart. My dh didn't. Our first compromise baby was 3.5 years younger than his brother. In retrospect I'm glad they were no closer. As it was, the *then* four year old had a BITING spell when the little one began crawling. Brat! (JK)

 

Our newest fella, Gabriel, is 4.5 years younger than the middle boy. This spacing is due to me saying, NOW OR NEVER! (JK again). In all seriousness, I like this spacing better because the less mature middle boy is old enough to handle a brother now. He is really enjoying being a big brother and is able to demonstrate his need for my time and attention appropriately instead of lashing out as immature toddlers and preschoolers do.

 

My 3.5 yo spaced boys play together very well until there is a playmate of the oldest boy's age. Then the little one is often left out and gets upset. Even so they are great buddies.

[Medieval Mom]

What is your ideal spacing? How close have yours been, and how did it work out? How do they play together? Have you ever WAITED a little bit when you could have had more right away, and did you REGRET it? Did you wait in order to lose more weight or wish you had?

 

Any tips on recovering stomach muscles? I'm just now starting to do sit-ups (or rather lie-downs, as I can't get up from a reclined position, haha), and they're pathetic.

 

My little one is 10 1/2 months btw. We're still nursing happily, but things are starting to percolate. He eats small amounts of food and is growing nicely. I'd like to lose the 10 pregnancy pounds, and in my dream world I'd lose another 10. But maybe neither are really that important in the long-run, just vanity, lol. I think the sit-ups are a functional issue and probably pretty important. I know I want them to play well together. Dd (10) has been so alone, I don't want my ds to be alone. So does under 2 years apart play together better than 2 1/2? Does it not matter? Did anyone wait and then hit the end of their childbearing years and wish they could have those months added up to have just one more?

 

Ah, these thoughts are rambling around in my head, too. Our two sons are 5.5 years apart. My baby is 9 mos. and such a doll! His big brother is very proud and dotes on him with joy. So far, we've had no problems with jealously, etc. So, in all, 5.5 years worked well for us.

 

I am beginning to wonder whether we should wait quite so long before the next, however!

 

:bigear:

Edited August 29, 2009 by Medieval Mom
Typo.

[zaichiki]

So does under 2 years apart play together better than 2 1/2? Does it not matter? Did anyone wait and then hit the end of their childbearing years and wish they could have those months added up to have just one more?

 

Mine are 3 and 4 years apart and all play well together. (The first and youngest are 7 years apart and have less in common, but they have been known to play together.)

 

My brother and I were 2 years apart and, although we usually played together, we became like oil and water as we got older (10+). We still don't spend much time together.

 

I think whether or not siblings get along well together really has a lot to do with a) personality and b) upbringing. My mom sort of set my brother and I up to be rivals. Sigh.

[Terabith]

Mine are 17 months apart, and I LOVE it! They play so well. I really would like to have a third child, but I worry that my third would be alone.......