S/O unplanned pregnancy

[LibraryLover]

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Edited July 20, 2009 by LibraryLover

[yellowperch]

For us, it would all depend on the ages and maturity levels of the teens involved.

 

My parents got pregnant as seniors in high school. They married at the JPs in June, and my Dad joined the Navy. My mother lived with her parents and raised my brother as the parent until Dad's return, then they set up house together and went on to have three more children. My Dad went to college on the GI bill. My parents sent us all to private schools. We all graduated from terrific colleges, and two of us have advanced degrees. My parents have been married for 45 years this June, and are each other's best friends.

 

Which is to say that sometimes it really is love, and sometimes the teens are ready, and it can work out. But not often.

 

I would fight any notion that a grandchild of mine be put up for adoption, or at least adoption outside the family. I have siblings who have suffered greatly from pregnancy loss and fertility issues for one. But there are other reasons, too. I do think that with the right support the teens could continue their education and still embrace family life, including this newly created life.

 

I wouldn't force a shotgun wedding either.

 

My husband is an excellent husband, father and man. My sons will know what is expected of them as men and as fathers. I expect that my sons would shoulder their responsibilities if they ever did conceive children as teens. Just as I would expect my daughter to be a devoted and caring mother, I would expect, encourage, support and otherwise help my sons be good, hands-on, responsible, loving, mature fathers. It seems obvious, but I thought I'd say it anyway. I think some teen fathers shirk, and this is in part because their parents want them to have as little to do as possible with "that girl". And these fathers and their children lose out on so much as a result.

Edited July 15, 2009 by yellowperch

[Peela]

I would absolutely help.

I would not encourage adoption. I would take whatever role was needed, even if that meant a large amount of care while dd went to college or whatever.

I am not so familiar with the whole baby shower thing anyway. Sounds like a way to get lots of people to give you lots of stuff. Not necessary in our lifestyle- we would be looking for 2nd hand stuff whether the baby was to our teenage child or an older one. It's just what we do. The expense would not be much of an issue because of how we live.

We would celebrate and support while helping the teen to stand on their own feet. We have already discussed the issue. The kids already know the issues. If it happened anyway, well, we would go with it.

And none of this is to say I might not respond differently if particular circumstances seemed to indicate a different respnonse was needed. My stepdd, who is no longer a teen anyway, would get a different response from dh and I because she is largely an irresponsible person who can barely take care of herself- we would be much "harder' on her so to speak, to try and get her to be a responsible mother.

Overall though, I would celebrate, and that doesn't mean its something I wish to happen.

[ekarl2]

I would encourage exploration into the option of placing the baby for adoption if marriage is not a reasonable option. Parenthood has many challenges and I don't think most teenagers are up for meeting them. If my dd did choose keep the baby, I would help, but I would expect her to do most of the work as it would be her baby. :)

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[kalanamak]

I'm puzzled by those who would be very against having the infant adopted, especially by non-family members. What are some of your reasons?

 

 

Because in my family (I mean my sibs and their kids) if you have a cat or a dog and you are moving to a city, etc. it is taken in by another family member. We have never given up a pet. I would be very distressed if no one would step up for a child! (That said, I come from a large family of responsible people, and plenty are financially secure. I'd feel differently if they were flakes or jerks or just scraping by.)

 

That said, I have told the sibs and niece who are in linear order to be guardian of my son, that I want him to have a good HOME, not necessarily a relative. I believe any arrangement would include keeping in touch with the rest of his family.

Edited July 15, 2009 by kalanamak

[LibraryLover]

Because we could easily care for a child. No question.

[mommaduck]

I'm puzzled by those who would be very against having the infant adopted, especially by non-family members. What are some of your reasons?

 

I still remember my surprise when a co-worker's dd became pregnant her freshman year in college and my co-worker said no way was her grandbaby going to be adopted. A year later, the grandchild was no longer fun, my co-worker wasn't helping as much and the dd dropped out of college. The extra sad fact was that this was the first member of my co-workers family ever to go to college.

 

 

I'm sorry about your co-worker's attitude.

 

For our family, the baby is family, and we don't abandon our own. My husband and I were each abandoned in different ways. I was a "missing child" until a few years ago when I was finally reunited with my father and siblings (lived with my mother). My husband has a cousin who experienced the same and we've been one of the few to welcome him with open arms. We just believe we have a moral responsibility as a family. And I won't go with the "well what if the extended family is barely scraping by" bit. There have been times where we have barely scraped by, but we didn't put our children up for adoption, so why would we put our grandchildren up?

[cathmom]

I would love and care for them (both parents and the baby) as best I could, and help them in whatever way they needed to be good parents. I would be devastated by an abortion, and would discourage adoption. I couldn't handle my grandchild being out there somewhere. In that case, if they weren't able to care for the baby, I would take it. I also would not encourage marriage just because of a pregnancy.

[Melissa in Australia]

I would encourage exploration into the option of placing the baby for adoption if marriage is not a reasonable option. Parenthood has many challenges and I don't think most teenagers are up for meeting them. If my dd did choose keep the baby, I would help, but I would expect her to do most of the work as it would be her baby. :)

 

 

are you talking about your own son/ daughter putting their child up for adoption? I really can't believe someone would take that position. sorry.

 

my mother was 16 when she fell pregnant with me. she was forced into marriage with the 17 year old father. she then had 2 more children and was then widowed at age 19 with 3 children. her family tried to force her into putting us up for adoption. But, she refused because my father was dumped in an orphanage when about 4 , had a absolutely miserable time, then adopted out when he was 8, had so many hang ups that he couldn't cope with life and killed himself. my mother at age 20 shifted way out into the country, managed to put a deposit on a house and did an absolutely marvelous job of raising us kids, she remarried some years later and went on to have a total of 8 children.

 

I really think people shouldn't judge how capable people can be. forcing people to adopt their children isn't really helping them to live with the consequence of their actions.

[katemary63]

I'm puzzled by those who would be very against having the infant adopted, especially by non-family members. What are some of your reasons?

 

I still remember my surprise when a co-worker's dd became pregnant her freshman year in college and my co-worker said no way was her grandbaby going to be adopted. A year later, the grandchild was no longer fun, my co-worker wasn't helping as much and the dd dropped out of college. The extra sad fact was that this was the first member of my co-workers family ever to go to college.

 

My reasons for feeling this way are my ultra strong maternal instints, I guess. I would no sooner give up a grandchild as a child if I could help it in any way. If a grandchild of mine was adopted out, I would grieve the loss of it everyday for my entire life. I would feel like a part of me is missing. Just the thought of this brings me to tears. This is why I don't understand people who are sperm or egg doners....that is your child! How can you not know it?? I just couldn't ever do it. I know others see it differently. I'm just saying how I personally feel. I totally respect ANYONE who decides that it is best for the child to give it up for adoption.

[MOM24WONDERS]

Gosh, that would be such a hard position to be in. We absolutely don't believe in abortion under any circumstances so that option would be out. We also don't believe in putting our children up for adoption. I would never do it to my child and I certainly couldn't do it to my grandchild either - that's my flesh and blood - a God-given blessing. I can't imagine giving it to other people to raise.

 

I would expect my daughter to BE the mother of the child. I would hope that she and the young man would marry, IF that was a good choice. I wouldn't expect her to work outside the home as we just believe mothers need to be with their children.

 

I hope and pray that we are never put in that situation. It would be heartwrenching for certain.

[eternalknot]

Since we're talking about unplanned pregnancies, I was just wondering if your teenage got pregnant or got his girlfriend pregnant would you help (financially, but in other ways too) to support the baby?

 

If solicited, yes - I'd offer unconditional help in every capacity that would be accepted and appropriate for the respective situation and involved parties.

 

This would be true of any pregnancy at any stage of my child's life, though. That's just how my family rolls! I still get help from my parents, sometimes financial but in other ways as well. My mom even helps homeschool, despite being philosophically opposed to it. It's a no-brainer, here :D.

[Renee in NC]

I'm puzzled by those who would be very against having the infant adopted, especially by non-family members. What are some of your reasons?

 

I still remember my surprise when a co-worker's dd became pregnant her freshman year in college and my co-worker said no way was her grandbaby going to be adopted. A year later, the grandchild was no longer fun, my co-worker wasn't helping as much and the dd dropped out of college. The extra sad fact was that this was the first member of my co-workers family ever to go to college.

 

It sounds as if your co-worker had issues apart from the grandchild!:001_huh:

 

I can't imagine knowing that my grandchild was out there somewhere being raised by someone else. My dh was adopted and it has caused some issues. I have known several mothers who have given their dc up for adoption and the outcome for them was not good. I don't see it as being the great solution that others do.

 

I think adoption is a great option for children who have no family, but I don't think that a child is an "orphan" if they have other family capable of caring for them. I would take in a child of any family member for that reason if necessary.

[st_claire]

I would strongly encourage them to look at abortion.

[vettechmomof2]

I would strongly encourage them to look at abortion.

 

Not fighting but why.:confused:

[mommaduck]

I would strongly encourage them to look at abortion.

 

I'm sorry to hear that.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

If the baby were a result of a casual relationship with no intent on marriage, I would encourage them to place that baby up for adoption and help them choose the parents. I would encourage them to look at things like length of marriage, participation in church/community, education, and financial standing.

 

I don't think teens realize how they are forever joined to their child's parent. If the relationship turns sour, the child is often used as a pawn and the child's welfare is often put last. I guess I am tainted since I have seen very few good teen parents. Most I know are just one in a string of "Baby's Daddies" that these young women collect (multiple babies, multiple fathers). I would hate to think that my grandchild is under the care of one of the mother's boyfriends. I see too many articles in the paper about children being abused by mom's boyfriend.

 

I don't feel that because the child shares some DNA with me that I would make a good parent. Honestly, I just don't have it in me to be raising children later in life. As for my extended family, well I wouldn't let some of my extended family take care of my cat, let alone a child. Even when it comes to guardianship of my own children, I have a VERY limited pool of relatives that I could choose from.

 

Sure I would wonder about this grandchild of mine. I would hope to get some updates now and then on his or her well-being. However, I would be calmed by the knowledge that we offered the baby stability and love of mature adults.

 

K

[Catherine]

Witness the many responsible former teen parents on this board. I think teens have a far better assessment of their capabilities than we give them credit for.

 

OTOH, as a pro-choice person, I would not be devastated emotionally if my son and his gf freely chose to end an unplanned pregnancy, or if they had the baby and put it up for adoption. I'm not sure, honestly, that given my history with this child, that we would be able to help him in a way that facilitated his growth and taking responsibility for his child. If kids are NOT ready to be parents, of course they shouldn't be having sex, but I accept that such things happen anyway and am ready to face the consequences.

 

I truly don't believe there's only one good solution to this problem. For our family, it would depend very much on the circumstances of the situation.

 

I read years ago that a teen girl is measurably more likely to become pregnant if she thinks her parents would help her raise the child, or raise it themselves. It's a conundrum.

[katemary63]

I think adoption is a great option for children who have no family, but I don't think that a child is an "orphan" if they have other family capable of caring for them. I would take in a child of any family member for that reason if necessary.

 

:iagree:

[eight_gregorys]

I have to agree with everything Pamela in TX stated.

 

I became pregnant at 15....had my daughter at 16. My parent's didn't throw me out, but they didn't coddle me either. I was responsible for taking care of my daughter and for financially taking care of my needs and her. I immediately got a job and I worked and went to high school. My parent's did allow me to stay at home, but I was responsible for purchasing my car, baby stuff, etc. My mother did occasionally help by buying things for my daughter, but she did make sure that I KNEW was responsible for everything.

 

I knew other girls during this time who got pregnant and had babies as well. There were 9 girls total that were supposed to be in my graduating class. I say supposed because I was the only one to graduate. I agree with Pam that girls who had babies went back on the cheerleading squad, basketball team, etc. They weren't made to take responsibility for their actions and were allowed to continue their teenage lives like nothing ever happened. I keep up with most of them and I can say there is only one who is actually doing well. It's just really sad and I really think it could have been prevented had their parent's help them responsible and didn't do everything for them.

 

I pray that this will not happen to my either of my daughters. If it does, I will provide emotional support and will lead them in the right direction, but I will not raise their child. I will not financially support their child either. I will help occasionally (like my mother did), but hard work will be required and I will hold my child accountable for her actions.

 

These are just my opinions and I'm sure many of you may disagree. I've BTDT though and I'm so grateful that my parent's didn't just make my life easy.

 

Blessings,

[st_claire]

Not fighting but why.:confused:

 

There are so many unwanted children in the world already, so I think it is wrong to bring another into the world. Many other posters are suggesting adoption, but there are so many children already waiting to be adopted. Growing up a ward of the state is not right for any child IMO.

 

Now if the mother truly wants the child, then of course it is her decision, and I would make sure she understood all the aspects of that decision.

[st_claire]

Oh, and to the OP's question of if I had a son who got a girl pregnant, I would insist on a paternity test before discusing options.

[Danestress]

Oh, and to the OP's question of if I had a son who got a girl pregnant, I would insist on a paternity test before discusing options.

 

so at that point, the option you state you might prefer would obviously be unavailable.

[st_claire]

so at that point, the option you state you might prefer would obviously be unavailable.

 

 

Not nessisarily, I would talk with the young woman the same way I would talk with a daughter. In either case, whether the woman is my daughter or not, the decision is in no way mine. I would express my opinion that I thought abortion to be the best option however.

 

Assuming it was my son and the woman wanted to keep the child, I would strongly encourage them to see lawyers about drawing up custody and support arragements.

[Danestress]

you can't show me one US jurisdiction in which a man can force a woman to do an in-utero paternity test. Even if she agreed to, it's pretty hard to get a doctor to agree to do a blood test on a baby who isn't born yet unless there is a health concern for the baby. Baby Daddy wanting to know doesn't cut it. I've never heard of an in utero paternity test unless DNA was needed for some other reason (a true health concern for the baby).

 

So no, your son (nor mine) would know for sure whether he's the Daddy until after the baby is born.

 

Like you, I would *hope* to talk to the young woman like I would a daughter, but of course she's in no way obligated to talk to me at all and let's face it, in anyway indicating that she might have slept with other guys (even if she did!) is a good way to get her not to want to be my friend.

 

Tough situation.

[Sara R]

I really think people shouldn't judge how capable people can be. forcing people to adopt their children isn't really helping them to live with the consequence of their actions.

 

It's not about living with the consequences of their actions; it's about what's best for the child. And I recognize that there can be different points of view here.

 

Is it best to stay with the single mother (with or without family support), and never have a father in the home? Or is it best to be adopted into a complete family with a father and mother married to each other, and not have the advantage of blood relatives? I see not having a father in the home as a big negative, and I don't know that a grandfather would play exactly the same role (in regards to discipline etc.) as a father would.

[stripe]

I do see living with one's birth parents and/or knowing one's family history as being valid concerns with regard to the baby's well-being.

 

(And if the young woman remarries, then the stepfather is/could be as much a father figure as an adoptive father.)

[Greta]

and let's face it, in anyway indicating that she might have slept with other guys (even if she did!) is a good way to get her not to want to be my friend.

 

My thought as well. Implying that she's a liar and that she sleeps around, is probably not the best way of establishing a relationship. Call me crazy, but I'm thinking that in her shoes, I'd be ever so slightly put off.

Edited July 15, 2009 by GretaLynne

[Peek a Boo]

There are so many unwanted children in the world already, so I think it is wrong to bring another into the world. Many other posters are suggesting adoption, but there are so many children already waiting to be adopted. Growing up a ward of the state is not right for any child IMO.

 

 

in that case, why not work to make infanticide legal as people are fighting to keep abortion legal?

we could cure a lot of the adoption problems by just killing off the unwanted humans of any age.

an unwanted human at any age of development is still an unwanted human.

[Peek a Boo]

yes, we would help.

 

if dd:

depending on the situation, i would encourage her keep it and parent her child, give it up for adoption, or adopt it ourselves. I would not drive her to get an abortion, but she'd be welcome back in our home if she did.

 

ds:

same as above, and yeah, I'd insist on a paternity test.

 

everyone already stated good reasons for how much to help, so I'd be considering all those.

[ravengal]

Thank you to all who chimed in on this thread. Your responses were helpful, insightful and encouraging, as my family is currently going through this very situation with our almost 20yo dd.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

Thank you to all who chimed in on this thread. Your responses were helpful, insightful and encouraging, as my family is currently going through this very situation with our almost 20yo dd.

 

:grouphug:

 

I'm so glad your dd did not keep her pregnancy from you and have to deal with it on her own. My sister kept her secret for 25+ years and I really do think it that (keeping the secret) attributed to her emotional instability throughout the years.

 

I hope your dd comes to a resolution that can give her peace.

 

K

[mommaduck]

in that case, why not work to make infanticide legal as people are fighting to keep abortion legal?

we could cure a lot of the adoption problems by just killing off the unwanted humans of any age.

an unwanted human at any age of development is still an unwanted human.

 

 

Unfortunately, there are people with stclair's mindset that are already doing this and trying to make it legal.

[HRAAB]

yes, we would help.

 

if dd:

depending on the situation, i would encourage her keep it and parent her child, give it up for adoption, or adopt it ourselves. I would not drive her to get an abortion, but she'd be welcome back in our home if she did.

 

I said I would not support my dd in anyway if she chose to abort, but I just realized reading Peek's post how bad that sounded. I would not drive her, give her money, or tell her it was okay, but if she did, she would still be welcome in our home.

 

Janet

[lionfamily1999]

I said I would not support my dd in anyway if she chose to abort, but I just realized reading Peek's post how bad that sounded. I would not drive her, give her money, or tell her it was okay, but if she did, she would still be welcome in our home.

 

Janet

I think I would need time and space. I would see an extended trip to her aunt's house. I wish I could say, my arms would be open and I would commiserate etc, but I couldn't.

 

Then, I was 15 when preg with dd (16 when she was born).

[ravengal]

:grouphug:

 

I'm so glad your dd did not keep her pregnancy from you and have to deal with it on her own. My sister kept her secret for 25+ years and I really do think it that (keeping the secret) attributed to her emotional instability throughout the years.

 

I hope your dd comes to a resolution that can give her peace.

 

K

 

Thank you, K. She's keeping the baby, and is due in a few weeks.

[phathui5]

I would help in any way possible to help them get on their feet so they were capable of taking care of their baby.

[Supertechmom]

I've been thinking more about this since I have two sons and did a quick google search. Basically it seems the biological father has no rights to do anything and some places has every right. IF the girl wanted to give the baby up or abort in some places there isn't much he can do. I know in our state, listing the father as unknown on the birth certificate produces a legal battle that is hard to over come for most men. In fact, he would have to be living with her or paying substantial money for the child's care or listed on the birth certificate to have any legal rights. Some states give rights to whomever the woman is married to regardless of the biological father. So I would say that my second step after reassuring my son would be the attorney's office. Regardless of what the couple decided to do, my sons should have legal rights to that child and able to make decisions.

 

Here's a link to guidelines across the states

http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/putativeall.pdf

 

I thought it might be handy especially for those who would want to adopt the baby or opposed to abortion and the birth mother didn't like that idea. Your son may just not have any say if you don't make sure BEFORE the baby arrives that things are lined up legally.

[mommaduck]

I've been thinking more about this since I have two sons and did a quick google search. Basically it seems the biological father has no rights to do anything and some places has every right. IF the girl wanted to give the baby up or abort in some places there isn't much he can do. I know in our state, listing the father as unknown on the birth certificate produces a legal battle that is hard to over come for most men. In fact, he would have to be living with her or paying substantial money for the child's care or listed on the birth certificate to have any legal rights. Some states give rights to whomever the woman is married to regardless of the biological father. So I would say that my second step after reassuring my son would be the attorney's office. Regardless of what the couple decided to do, my sons should have legal rights to that child and able to make decisions.

 

Here's a link to guidelines across the states

http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/putativeall.pdf

 

I thought it might be handy especially for those who would want to adopt the baby or opposed to abortion and the birth mother didn't like that idea. Your son may just not have any say if you don't make sure BEFORE the baby arrives that things are lined up legally.

 

Some states now have a Paternity Registry that the father can sign up with to claim his status as father of said child, even if the mother puts "unknown" on the birth cert.

 

 

Edited to add that the information was in that link as well:

 

Many States have provisions for a father to voluntarily acknowledge paternity. Approximately 23 States have established putative father registries for this purpose.5 In 12 States, the District of Columbia, and the Virgin Islands, there are provisions for voluntary acknowledgment of paternity through forms that are filed with social services departments, registrars of vital statistics, or other similar entities.6

Acknowledgment of paternity provides the father with the right to receive notice of court proceedings regarding the child, including petitions for adoption or actions to terminate parental rights. In 10 States with putative father registries, filing with the registry is the sole means for establishing this right of notice.7 An acknowledged father may also seek visitation with the child and usually will be required to provide financial support to the child.

 

I'm glad to see they are starting to give fathers some rights again.

Edited July 15, 2009 by mommaduck

[Jill- OK]

I thought it might be handy especially for those who would want to adopt the baby or opposed to abortion and the birth mother didn't like that idea. Your son may just not have any say if you don't make sure BEFORE the baby arrives that things are lined up legally.

 

...issues like this have figured in to our talks with our oldest son about reasons not to impregnate anyone before all the ducks are in a row.

 

In other words, it's worth thinking/talking about...before the fact, too.

 

(Thanks for posting this).

[Ester Maria]

First of all, I think that the age matters here. Even a couple of years is a big difference - the situation is not nearly the same if the girl in question is 14-15 and if she's 18-19.

 

In all honesty - and I know many of you here will disagree with me - I believe abortion is the least of all evils when it comes to very young girls. They're simply not able to be mothers - physically barely prepared, emotionally immature, proper children, financially unstable, dependent on their parents almost completely... And yet, even if we overcome all that and welcome a new baby, only then the problems begin - can they raise the child? I'm not talking about getting up at night and changing diapers, that's but a minor physical endurance test, compared to what comes a year or two later... Are they able to raise the child, being children themselves? To teach the child, being half-literate themselves? To present any kind of a role model to the child? Any kind of authority?

From what I've seen in such cases, such young mothers usually develop a kind of "sibling relationship" with their baby, rather than mother-child one - which is understandable, but quite bad if you ask me. The child is put into one quite unhealthy situation, of being basically raised by grandparents (yeah, a mother can work and all, but she is not fully financially stable while she still lives with her parents, etc.) and of knowing, for the rest of his/her life, that they're a "side effect" of their mother's teenage irresponsibility, not a wanted and a planned baby.

And yet, I don't take away the logical possibility of those young girls to be good mothers. I haven't seen it myself in practice, but I do believe it's possible - just not common. I guess it depends a lot on the girl in question.

 

When it comes to a bit older girls - 18-19 - that's a different situation. While I would still approve an abortion here (I'm very pro-choice, I basically approve abortion in nearly every case of an unplanned or unsuitable pregnancy, regardless of woman's age), I also see those girls as much more prepared to be mothers (though still essentially unprepared) and I would be more peaceful knowing my daughter at that age has a baby.

 

Of course, as a parent, I'd support and help my daughter with any choice, and every choice is a hard one in that situation, and there is no universal answer as to what to do, what I wrote above is just a vague "outline", God knows what I'd think if it actually happened to my daughter. I would just feel bad about her having to suddenly skip a lot and grow up quickly because of a single unwise choice - but I'd be there for her.

Edited July 15, 2009 by Ester Maria

[theresatwist]

First of all, I think that the age matters here. Even a couple of years is a big difference - the situation is not nearly the same if the girl in question is 14-15 and if she's 18-19.

 

In all honesty - and I know many of you here will disagree with me - I believe abortion is the least of all evils when it comes to very young girls. They're simply not able to be mothers - physically barely prepared, emotionally immature, proper children, financially unstable, dependent on their parents almost completely... And yet, even if we overcome all that and welcome a new baby, only then the problems begin - can they raise the child? I'm not talking about getting up at night and changing diapers, that's but a minor physical endurance test, compared to what comes a year or two later... Are they able to raise the child, being children themselves? To teach the child, being half-literate themselves? To present any kind of a role model to the child? Any kind of authority?

From what I've seen in such cases, such young mothers usually develop a kind of "sibling relationship" with their baby, rather than mother-child one - which is understandable, but quite bad if you ask me. The child is put into one quite unhealthy situation, of being basically raised by grandparents (yeah, a mother can work and all, but she is not fully financially stable while she still lives with her parents, etc.) and of knowing, for the rest of his/her life, that they're a "side effect" of their mother's teenage irresponsibility, not a wanted and a planned baby.

And yet, I don't take away the logical possibility of those young girls to be good mothers. I haven't seen it myself in practice, but I do believe it's possible - just not common. I guess it depends a lot on the girl in question.

 

When it comes to a bit older girls - 18-19 - that's a different situation. While I would still approve an abortion here (I'm very pro-choice, I basically approve abortion in nearly every case of an unplanned or unsuitable pregnancy, regardless of woman's age), I also see those girls as much more prepared to be mothers (though still essentially unprepared) and I would be more peaceful knowing my daughter at that age has a baby.

 

Of course, as a parent, I'd support and help my daughter with any choice, and every choice is a hard one in that situation, and there is no universal answer as to what to do, what I wrote above is just a vague "outline", God knows what I'd think if it actually happened to my daughter. I would just feel bad about her having to suddenly skip a lot and grow up quickly because of a single unwise choice - but I'd be there for her.

 

:iagree: I absolutely agree. That said, I do think abortion is awful. I absolutely think it's killing. But I firmly believe it should be legal. Making it illegal doesn't make it disappear. We've been down that road before. It only drives it underground and makes it unsafe. We should be doing a better job educating kids about contraceptives. The most teen pregnancies (surprise! surprise!) happen in the states where kids do not receive this information.

[theresatwist]

Unfortunately, there are people with stclair's mindset that are already doing this and trying to make it legal.

 

 

I am pro-choice. I am not pro-choice because I don't realize that abortion means killing another human being. I am pro-choice because when abortion is illegal, as we've seen in our own history, the number of abortions don't decrease, abortion is simply driven underground where many more mothers end up injured, disease, or dead as a result. I believe the best way to reduce to number of abortion is through sex education that teaches teens about contraceptive use.

 

Of course, I don't support infanticide. To say that someone who is pro-choice might as well support infanticide is like saying that someone who believes in upholding our second amendment rights supports murder.

[Sara R]

We should be doing a better job educating kids about contraceptives. The most teen pregnancies (surprise! surprise!) happen in the states where kids do not receive this information.

 

Do you really think that this information is unavailable? Maybe there are a few teens out there that don't know about the Pill or condoms, but only very few. Failure rates of contraception for teens are huge, because they are naturally more fertile, and because using birth control takes discipline (and I think it's fair to say that teens choosing to have sex outside of marriage are even less disciplined than teens in general). Even today, with all of the contraception out there, all unwanted pregnancies are caused by sex. The fallacy that birth control prevents pregnancy 100% of the time has also caused many teen pregnancies.

[mommaduck]

I am pro-choice. I am not pro-choice because I don't realize that abortion means killing another human being. I am pro-choice because when abortion is illegal, as we've seen in our own history, the number of abortions don't decrease, abortion is simply driven underground where many more mothers end up injured, disease, or dead as a result. I believe the best way to reduce to number of abortion is through sex education that teaches teens about contraceptive use.

 

Of course, I don't support infanticide. To say that someone who is pro-choice might as well support infanticide is like saying that someone who believes in upholding our second amendment rights supports murder.

 

 

Uhm, no. A baby, whether in utero or not is not "attacking" a mother.

[eight_gregorys]

I am pro-choice. I am not pro-choice because I don't realize that abortion means killing another human being. I am pro-choice because when abortion is illegal, as we've seen in our own history, the number of abortions don't decrease, abortion is simply driven underground where many more mothers end up injured, disease, or dead as a result. I believe the best way to reduce to number of abortion is through sex education that teaches teens about contraceptive use.

 

Of course, I don't support infanticide. To say that someone who is pro-choice might as well support infanticide is like saying that someone who believes in upholding our second amendment rights supports murder.

 

The logic behind this does not make sense to me. Should we legalize drugs or prostitution? How about we allow teenagers to drink to reduce drunk driving in teens? Abortion is abortion no matter the reason behind doing it.

 

(I hope this doesn't come off hostile. I truly am trying to understand where you are coming from. I just don't get it.)

[mommaduck]

The logic behind this does not make sense to me. Should we legalize drugs or prostitution? How about we allow teenagers to drink to reduce drunk driving in teens? Abortion is abortion no matter the reason behind doing it.

 

(I hope this doesn't come off hostile. I truly am trying to understand where you are coming from. I just don't get it.)

 

Her logic isn't making sense here either.

 

Guns don't kill people; people kill people.

 

Babies don't make themselves or kill themselves; the mother and father make the baby and the mother can choose to have or kill the baby.

[Melissa in Australia]

It's not about living with the consequences of their actions; it's about what's best for the child. And I recognize that there can be different points of view here.

 

Is it best to stay with the single mother (with or without family support), and never have a father in the home? Or is it best to be adopted into a complete family with a father and mother married to each other, and not have the advantage of blood relatives? I see not having a father in the home as a big negative, and I don't know that a grandfather would play exactly the same role (in regards to discipline etc.) as a father would.

my mother had no family support, had 3 children and was just 19 when widowed. she then went on to put a deposit on a house, and set about the job of bringing us up. she did a marvelous job, and a few years later married again, so there was a father figure by the time I was 6.

just because there wasn't a father figure in infancy of the child's life, doesn't mean there wouldn't be one later on, especially when the mother is so young.I have seen the results of some adopted families, the children that I have seen have all had big hang ups, I really think that MOST teens could do a better job than most people would think.

[Greta]

The logic behind this does not make sense to me.

 

I believe the logic is that the babies are going to be aborted either way, but by keeping it legal, at least the women don't also die or get injured in the process. I do, however, agree that it's faulty logic. First of all, I think the fact that it is legal leaves a lot of people with the impression that it can't possibly be something "bad" -- because if it were really that bad it would be illegal! So that, in and of itself, is like a stamp of approval, and probably leads many women to chose abortion when they wouldn't otherwise. Secondly, I (may sound paranoid but still) believe that the dangers of illegal abortion have been overly dramatized, while the dangers of legal abortion have been suppressed and swept under the rug. I don't think that the dangers of the two types of abortion are as radically different as we've been lead to believe. Women DO die from legal abortions, and many are left injured and infertile. In fact, I really believe that the pro-life side has a more powerful argument based on concern for women's safety then the pro-choice side does.

[Greta]

I believe the logic is . . .

 

I'm sorry. That's not what this thread was intended to be about. I think it's time I bowed out of this discussion.