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Please help me win this argument!


Guest lahmeh
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Guest lahmeh

I need some help here please. My husband has just insulted me bigtime! He says I can't possibly teach our children history and science because I didn't graduate high school nor did I have much interest in these subjects (until now). My children are my world and I will do everything in my power to teach them the best that I can. I tried to explain to him that I will be given the tools to teach them and that since they are only in 1st grade right now that I will be learning right along with them! That didn't seem to be worth anything. He claims since these were his strong subjects in school that he will be much better at teaching them and I wouldn't be able to do a thorough job. To be honest, he is NOT the best around children. He's really good at making the money for our family but when it comes to the children they MUCH prefer to be around the more gently, patient and kind one (me). He works A LOT and when he finally comes home it's bedtime for the DC and he's cranky and tired. He can't possibly teach them through the years. Now I'm not the best with words but I am confident that I will do a fine job teaching them (I just don't know how to PUT it into words)! I got A's in school all the way up until I dropped out as a Junior in high school. I just got bored and made bad choices back then. Can anyone throw me a few lines to make him see that it IS possible for a parent with only a junior year of high school education to do a great job homeschooling through the years? Pleeeeease?! Thank you for taking the time to read my post!

Edited by lahmeh
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Let me get this straight: the argument is not between homeschooling and out-of-home schooling, it is between Mom schooling and Dad schooling?

 

Stop arguing.

 

Tell him you'd be thrilled for him to teach the kids history and science, and support any effort he makes to do so.

 

Then go ahead and work on science and history during the day.

 

Worst case scenario? The kids get double-dipped in history and science. If you find that both of you are working with the kids and are covering the same material, then you might need to reassess. But I doubt that will happen. Either he'll be too tired after work to teach, or you will be covering different things. (There are so many ways to approach history and science.)

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Maybe you could talk to Dh and point out that he probably won't have time to do the actual teaching, but give him the authority to pick out the curriculum, oversee your teaching, etc. Give him the authority over it, but you take the responsibility. Does that make any sense?

 

:iagree:

 

Let him select the curriculum and you do the actual teaching. I'd also initiate dinner time conversations based on what you covered in school that day so he can see what the kids (and you!) are learning.

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Guest lahmeh

Maybe my initial post was not worded right. The argument is ONLY me trying to convince DH that it IS possible for me to teach these subjects even if I'm not as passionate about them as he is.

 

That's exactly what I did. I gave him a list of curriculums that I thought sounded interesting and "doable" for us. I asked him to look through them and tell me which one HE liked the best as far as "what" the dc will be learning. I told him to pick which one he wanted me to use and I'll happily go with it! His claim is that I can't possibly teach something that goes beyond what I learned in my public school education years ago. I'm only looking for a way to make him have faith in my homeschooling.

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Maybe there are "issues" behind the scenes from your question. (?) If you and your dh agree that homeschooling is what you want for your children, then I would not expect to hear this line of thought from him. His words sound like a prelude to "They ARE going to attend public/private school." Just in case that is "simmering" behind the scenes, try to reach agreement with dh before going much further.

 

History and science sound like arbitrary choices to disagree about. (Usually it is math and science !) The "argument" he applies can "apply" to ANY subject ! (It is a specious argument, of course.)

 

Nobody around here is going to believe that you are "an unfit teacher" !

 

Possibly, though, you will ease some of your dh's opposition if you select a "packaged" curriculum with detailed teacher guides for each subject. It might not be your personal choice of curricular materials, but "boxed curricula" maybe will play to your advantage in this situation.

 

Another strategy is to start investigating the local options for co-ops and homeschooling classes which you can use as your children enter higher grade levels.

 

For particularly "tricky" or "specialized" material -- again when the children are older, say in high school -- an outside teacher can be a great choice. (We did this with ds#1 for high school foreign language. He studied Russian with a bilingual educator.)

 

Online classes and support websites abound -- many of which are free or low-cost.

 

Setting aside whether computer-based curricula "fits" your children, and setting aside whether the program is "advanced, behind, or grade-neutral", math programs such as Teach Textbooks actually do most of the teaching for the parent.

 

There are many possibilities to help you with homeschooling.

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Maybe my initial post was not worded right. The argument is ONLY me trying to convince DH that it IS possible for me to teach these subjects even if I'm not as passionate about them as he is.

 

That's exactly what I did. I gave him a list of curriculums that I thought sounded interesting and "doable" for us. I asked him to look through them and tell me which one HE liked the best as far as "what" the dc will be learning. I told him to pick which one he wanted me to use and I'll happily go with it! His claim is that I can't possibly teach something that goes beyond what I learned in my public school education years ago. I'm only looking for a way to make him have faith in my homeschooling.

 

Can you "delay" the conversation until your now-first-grader is actually *IN* 11th grade?

 

Seems like Time is the best (and only) "proof" for some people. (As I'm patiently waiting for it to kick in for my and my own kiddos with a couple of folks, LOL!)

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This stands a good chance of not working. It is not until you have spent time actually teaching your children that you will come to recognize what kinds of materials are well-suited to each child for learning a subject. Deciding in advance on programs to be used years down the road might work, but it becomes "luck" if they do end up working successfully.

 

Anyway, the criterion of "material must fall within the years of high school completed by you" -- then you are "safe" all the way through grade 11 ! By the time you reach that far distant point, your children may have demonstrated such abilities that they already are in college !

 

 

 

Maybe my initial post was not worded right. The argument is ONLY me trying to convince DH that it IS possible for me to teach these subjects even if I'm not as passionate about them as he is.

 

That's exactly what I did. I gave him a list of curriculums that I thought sounded interesting and "doable" for us. I asked him to look through them and tell me which one HE liked the best as far as "what" the dc will be learning. I told him to pick which one he wanted me to use and I'll happily go with it! His claim is that I can't possibly teach something that goes beyond what I learned in my public school education years ago. I'm only looking for a way to make him have faith in my homeschooling.

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Hang on. Hold the phone. First, a gentle reminder that the rules of the board do state that negative spouse talk is a no no. I'm not sure if this qualifies, but it might be a wee bit close, so just a heads up on that one.

 

Second, aren't you doing to him, albeit behind his back, exactly what you're upset with him doing to you? Putting down his abilities to teach his children? If history and science are his strong suit and interest, by all means he SHOULD take an active role in teaching the kids. It doesn't mean that you should have to step back and do nothing, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with Daddy teaching them in the evenings and weekends. Heck, Daddy teaching them on the weekends would be more than enough to accomplish a full science complement for an elementary student. Or, you do the foundation during the week, Dad does more stuff on the weekends. It would also be a wonderful way for your children to bond with their Dad, especially if he is so tired coming home during the week.

 

Instead of fighting about this, encourage his interest, and taking an active role in educating his children. Its totally to the children's benefit, both educationally and emotionally.

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Maybe my initial post was not worded right. The argument is ONLY me trying to convince DH that it IS possible for me to teach these subjects even if I'm not as passionate about them as he is.

 

That's exactly what I did. I gave him a list of curriculums that I thought sounded interesting and "doable" for us. I asked him to look through them and tell me which one HE liked the best as far as "what" the dc will be learning. I told him to pick which one he wanted me to use and I'll happily go with it! His claim is that I can't possibly teach something that goes beyond what I learned in my public school education years ago. I'm only looking for a way to make him have faith in my homeschooling.

If that is really the only issue, then you don't need to prove him wrong until the kids are juniors in high school. By then, you'll have a track record of how well you are doing and it shouldn't be something you have to prove one way or another.

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Hmmm. I think for history you should go ahead and order SOTW materials and make sure you have a current library card -- make good use of the reading lists in the Activity Guide. Mudpies and Magnets is a good resource for hands-on Science for little ones. And again with the library for science. If you want to churn out reams of paper to show him how much work you're doing, start today by looking up free coloring pages on specific topics and get the kids coloring. Stick 'em up on the wall, with short captions they've written plus longer ones you've had them narrate to you.

 

Do not get in his face. Do not argue with him. He has the best of intentions, even if his argument was personal, even if his logic is flawed. Most dads, not all, but most, would dearly love to have the same quality and quantity time, fabulous interaction with the kids that us moms get to (or vice versa, depending on who's doing the bulk of the teaching/care). Most do not have time. I imagine that if your dh is made to feel part of the process, even as you are keeping around (and reading) stacks of picture books on Ancient Greece for example, that he'll back off a bit, be less adamant, and come to appreciate that you're working to cultivate a love for history and science in his beloved babies.

 

You might want to tab the history and science sections in the three stages of TWTM and hand it to him, saying, "This is my ultimate vision for our kids' education. I'd love to know what you think about it since you loved those subjects so much and did so well in them yourself. And if you'd like to do the teaching, I'd be more than happy for you to spend that kind of time with the kids."

 

It wouldn't be a bad idea to get yourself a copy of The Well-Educated Mind and let him see you reading it. And reading the selections listed therein. And making notes. And musing aloud to him about the interesting things you 've read. ;) (How will he manage to argue with you when he begins to notice copies of Plato and etc. on the nightstand?)

 

Granting him his due takes nothing from you but it does demonstrate your ability to function calmly under duress and ups your elemental gravitas, so to speak. In other words, unless he's just blustering, he then has to take you seriously because you're demonstrating your willingness to involve him (and not shut him out of this very important part of the kids' lives), as well as your ability to truly engage in the conversation he wants to have -- which means you know what you're talking about and can stand, unblinking, secure in that: you've got a plan, you're willing to re-evaluate as necessary, and you're making sure that your resources are beyond reproach.

 

And give him lots of extra hugs and kisses and ya know, snuggle time. :D It smooths things over.

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I guess I get 2 messages from you dh

 

1. he is concerned b/c you didn't graduate high school. Perhaps he has concerns not just about your abilities, but how "authorities" will view your teaching now and if you enroll them in school.

2. maybe he does want to be involved.

 

For number 1. I assume you've researched the requirements in your locality and have this covered. Otherwise, do this now. Demonstrate how this will work for you dh and how you will keep good records.

 

For number 2. the answer is to involve him. OK he gets home late and works long hours so he's not going to get to do a lot of direct teaching. Can he review history curriculums with you. If you are going to SOTW can he read a chapter at bedtime a couple times a week or read from suggested read supplements (fiction or nonfiction). Perhaps he could be involved is staging war re enactments on his day off (my son always liked the weapons and war part of our studies when he was little). In science, again he could read books on topic--there are tons of nonfiction selections at my library for little ones related to science topics and he could lead a small experiment weekly. Or you can do the experiment and the your kids can demonstrate it later for daddy.

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Does he really think teachers in schools are experts on EVERY topic they must teach? That is why teacher guides are made and sold!!!! Complete with lesson plans, answers to every question, etc. With a decent set of materials you will do just fine.

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Thank you for this reminder. If I went too far in my two posts, I can erase them -- or, at least, apologize for them.

 

Hang on. Hold the phone. First, a gentle reminder that the rules of the board do state that negative spouse talk is a no no. I'm not sure if this qualifies, but it might be a wee bit close, so just a heads up on that one.
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Mama Bear said: Do not get in his face. Do not argue with him. He has the best of intentions, even if his argument was personal, even if his logic is flawed. Most dads, not all, but most, would dearly love to have the same quality and quantity time, fabulous interaction with the kids that us moms get to (or vice versa, depending on who's doing the bulk of the teaching/care). Most do not have time. I imagine that if your dh is made to feel part of the process, even as you are keeping around (and reading) stacks of picture books on Ancient Greece for example, that he'll back off a bit, be less adamant, and come to appreciate that you're working to cultivate a love for history and science in his beloved babies.

 

You might want to tab the history and science sections in the three stages of TWTM and hand it to him, saying, "This is my ultimate vision for our kids' education. I'd love to know what you think about it since you loved those subjects so much and did so well in them yourself. And if you'd like to do the teaching, I'd be more than happy for you to spend that kind of time with the kids."

 

It wouldn't be a bad idea to get yourself a copy of The Well-Educated Mind and let him see you reading it. And reading the selections listed therein. And making notes. And musing aloud to him about the interesting things you 've read. (How will he manage to argue with you when he begins to notice copies of Plato and etc. on the nightstand?)

 

Granting him his due takes nothing from you but it does demonstrate your ability to function calmly under duress and ups your elemental gravitas, so to speak. In other words, unless he's just blustering, he then has to take you seriously because you're demonstrating your willingness to involve him (and not shut him out of this very important part of the kids' lives), as well as your ability to truly engage in the conversation he wants to have -- which means you know what you're talking about and can stand, unblinking, secure in that: you've got a plan, you're willing to re-evaluate as necessary, and you're making sure that your resources are beyond reproach.

 

This is an awesome suggestion.

 

He's a parent, too. He's concerned, just as you are. (About his ability to teach the kids).

 

Mama Bear's solution is respectful, keeps you guys working as a team, and prepares for the eventuality that he realizes his schedule and patience aren't meshing well with active teaching. (I hope that's not the case, as I think an involved Dad could be a great asset to you).

 

I'll just say....:iagree:

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I am a former high school teacher (and high school counselor).

 

I have already told my DH that once math gets beyond what I think I can handle, it is HIS job! And he is fully ok with that.

 

So, don't sell yourself short just because you didn't finish high school.....DH has an MA in Accounting and can't write a coherent paragraph to save his life! :lol: I taught History and English for many years but couldn't teach Algebra for anything.

 

I can tell you what we do right now and maybe you and your DH could work something like this out.

 

If there is a math section that my 6th grader doesn't "get" and I can't explain it well, DH takes over in the evening to explain it. Maybe if you show your DH what the kids have learned and done for the day he won't be so concerned.

 

BTW: Will you be listed as the instructor? Or will he? In both states I have homeschooled in, you must have a min. of a high school diploma to homeschool according to the state.

 

Dawn

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Guest lahmeh

Thanks for all the replies! We chatted a bit more and he told me he didn't exactly say what he meant. I suppose he's just trying to brag in a way because he was sooo good in these subjects. And that is great, I'm proud of him! I just got quickly insulted thinking he didn't have confidence in me teaching at a high school level. In Georgia where I live a GED is all you need to teach your dc and I got it the 1st day I was allowed as a teen. Now, maybe I won't be AS good as him but I told him when he comes home at night to take a look at the day's work and let me know how he thinks we are doing. I also told him that since these subjects are his passion that I REALLY want his input on the different curriculums. I've been trying to decide on these 2 subjects for a long time so I would be happy for him to let me know which one he thinks is best for us. OK, I've vented long enough. :) I'm sorry if I broke any "rules" with my posting. Just needed a little support I guess. Thanks for reading! :)

Edited by lahmeh
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Maybe my initial post was not worded right. The argument is ONLY me trying to convince DH that it IS possible for me to teach these subjects even if I'm not as passionate about them as he is.

 

That's exactly what I did. I gave him a list of curriculums that I thought sounded interesting and "doable" for us. I asked him to look through them and tell me which one HE liked the best as far as "what" the dc will be learning. I told him to pick which one he wanted me to use and I'll happily go with it! His claim is that I can't possibly teach something that goes beyond what I learned in my public school education years ago. I'm only looking for a way to make him have faith in my homeschooling.

 

:001_huh:Uh....that's going to come as a shock to an awful lot of us hs'ers who have been doing it for years ... suddenly finding out we really can't teach it because we never had it. We usually just learn it along with the kids.

 

And the best way I've found to convince someone you can do it? Just get busy doing it and let the results speak for themselves. At least, that's what has usually worked for me.

 

Also, I'd encourage his involvement in any way possible. He may not be so great with younger kids (my dh wasn't), but as they get older he may do a 180. Be ready with a slew of 'suggestions' of ways in which he can participate - at all stages/ages.

 

HTH

Kathy

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My husband was worried I wouldn't be able to teach math to the kids. However, he totally supported homeschooling, so I involved him in the curriculum hunt, he chose Singapore. We gave it a good shot. The kids weren't retaining the facts and such with Singapore. Then we found CLE and it married both worlds...the great teaching of Singapore and fact repetition/drill. Now both of my kids are great in math and I have learned a lot too! Hubby no longer worries. Proof is in the pudding.

 

My question...is he using this as his reason for NOT supporting homeschooling? Or is he fine with homeschooling and just wants to teach the kids Science and History himself? If it is the latter...I'd just let him teach Science and History and be involved!

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Guest lahmeh

OH yes, he believes homeschooling is the BEST choice for our family. I think he just wants to teach those subjects(he just didn't find the best way to say it). By the way...I just learned he meant MATH and science. He took trigenomatry . I only got half way through algebra. Total misunderstanding! :001_huh: I am lucky to have found CLE early and so far we are enjoying it VERY much! :)

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I'm glad you found there was a small misunderstanding. We don't always say things the way we actually mean them.

 

If he wants to teach thsoe subjects maybe he could do them on the weekend. I've told my dh that he will have to take over math at some point.

 

Edited to add: I guess math wouldn't be a weekend teaching subject but science could be for young kids.

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His claim is that I can't possibly teach something that goes beyond what I learned in my public school education years ago. I'm only looking for a way to make him have faith in my homeschooling.

 

In that case, just get the SOTW stuff and let him pore over it, noting that there are scripted questions for narration. Or Sonlight, with the lesson plans already laid out.

 

I did teacher training. Not all of it, but a bunch. Many relatives are teachers. In conversation with them, they agree that what you learn primarily in an Ed program is how to deal with the bureaucracy and use EduSpeak. ;) My time with my actual kids has been far more enlightening than those ed classes were. With the exception of Developmental Psych, which I use daily, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how to schedule out a certain number of chapters over a certain number of weeks. :tongue_smilie:

 

I think you need to find a way to opt out of the argument and then forget he ever raised it. Was it insulting to you? Sure. It's also the sort of thing that he can't possibly have adequate information about unless he's psychic or a history/science teacher who's also really in tune with his kids (learning style, etc). Either way, as annoying as it is to you personally, from the pespective of a mama whose got now a full seven homeschooling years under her belt with a diverse selection of personalities :lol: in the mix, this is a blip on you radar screen. Moving past this as quickly and calmly as possible will allow you all the best odds of success in the rest of your homeschooling/marital pursuits.

 

:grouphug:

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Thanks for all the replies! We chatted a bit more and he told me he didn't exactly say what he meant. I suppose he's just trying to brag in a way because he was sooo good in these subjects. And that is great, I'm proud of him! ..... I told him when he comes home at night to take a look at the day's work and let me know how he thinks we are doing. I also told him that since these subjects are his passion that I REALLY want his input on the different curriculums. I've been trying to decide on these 2 subjects for a long time so I would be happy for him to let me know which one he thinks is best for us.

 

WTG, dearie. :grouphug:

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(Edited this post because I just saw the OP's update!)

 

As far as your dh offering to teach the subjects, my inclination would be to let him do it, and perhaps you could listen in on the lessons if you want to learn along with the kids. If he's cranky with the kids and lacks patience, he will soon be thrilled to hand the responsibility back to you.

 

Personally, I think you're both selling each other short. He doesn't think you can teach the subjects because you don't already know the information, but you don't think he can do the job because of his personality. If I were you, I'd consider math and science time to be his teaching time, and your opportunity to get a cup of coffee and relax for a little Mom Time. (Don't look a gift horse in the mouth!) So many husbands refuse to have anything to do with schooling the kids, so consider yourself lucky that your dh wants to be involved. Who knows -- this could be his way of developing a closer relationship with your children! :001_smile:

 

Cat

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I agree with others who have said that most of us wouldn't be homeschooling today if having prior knowledge in all the subjects we teach was a prerequisite. I dropped out in college and I assure you my husband is the brain of the family but he has done very little "academic" instruction. He has been more the "principal" of our homeschool.

 

I did happen to remember this article that you and your husband might find helpful.

http://www.apologiaonline.com/conf/highsci.pdf

 

Best to you!

Penny

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Let's think this through logically:

 

You were educated and passed history and science up till 11th grade.

That means that you have proven (based upon official documentation from the United States Government Public Educational System, ie report cards) that you have learned hx and science up till the 11th grade.

 

Therefore, you will teach the kids hx and science up till the 11th grade level--and then he can take over for year 12.

 

Now, that's the snarky answer. That might not be good for a marriage, but it's a good come back...

 

IRL you need to have a gentle conversation. Show him the materials you'll use (esp since it's just 1st grade) and allow him to see that anyone with a normal basic intelligence can teach anything on a 1st grade level.

Edited by Garga
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I think he just wants to teach those subjects(he just didn't find the best way to say it).

 

Uh yeah, just slightly eh? Men!:tongue_smilie: (I go through that 'not the best way to say it' thing with my husband all the time GRRR lol)

Just so you aren't feeling alone here - I didn't finish high school either ~ wrote my GED tests in my early twenties. I've had a few homeschooling Mums react negatively to that before (nobody specifically on this board) and it puzzles me.. Hello? I left a PUBLIC SCHOOL environment. I continued learning on my own, through a variety of methods and experiences, and oddly enough, I have yet to stop.

 

Hmmmm....

 

*left the public school environment*

 

*learning on my own*

 

* variety of methods and experiences*

 

See why the reactions of those fellow homeschooling mothers puzzled me? ;)

 

 

 

(I wrote the GED tests mainly so I could wave that piece of paper under the noses of employers who seemed to think a person couldn't possibly be a capable, intelligent, hardworking employee without it. :001_rolleyes:)

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I can tell you from experience that my dc learn the hard subjects, even the ones I don't particularly like, better from me than from any other person, including dh and including PS teachers.

 

The difference? I truly care and won't brush them off and say, "I can't help you with that" or "what is your problem?! Blah, blah, blah..." etc.

 

Now, I do get frustrated, etc. I do not love math or most types of science. But I have learned these subjects better as an adult and not in the pressure cooker of PS with peers being mean, teachers that aren't all that great, etc.

 

If your dh truly wants to teach them stuff, I say let him do it. But don't believe him when he says you are not capable. Also do not let his frustration if he gets upset with the kids ruin their relationships or send him into a tailspin, thinking they'd be better off in PS.

 

Patience is the key. I know!

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