Am I understanding this correctly: So he's gone a lot, partially due to the nature of the job but also because he's covering extra shifts due to understaffing? And the understaffing issue is going to get worse before it gets better, due to the chief retiring in December? She married into a job that's challenging on its best days, and must feel incredibly impossible in these worst of times. I don't know that she can see this as a season because there isn't any promise of an end in sight! :grouphug: I understand the feelings of neglect and abandonment. As a (former) military (former) wife, it sums up my post-9/11 marriage. Unfortunately my husband's job didn't avail him to regular contact with us at home, so when he was gone ... he was GONE. And my husband didn't even really have a choice, so I can't imagine how your friend must hurt to feel her husband is CHOOSING to prioritize his work life over his home life. She believes her marriage is dead, but has she looked into an actual divorce? It's a small glimmer of hope, but if his work buddies can continue to work on him and she can get some time away without making anything permanent, maybe she'll come to see that her marriage is/was merely dormant. Dormancy isn't dead, it just looks like it during the thick of it. You say she works full time, does she have family nearby she can stay with for a few months? Maybe to jolt him into seeing the real condition of his marriage, not his delusional view of it?

I always loved that ride! It's been ages since I've been on it, so I'm paying close attention to your cautionary tale. (Tail? :leaving:) I wish I had a helpful remedy to share, but all I have is: know any good friends, or friends of friends, who had surgery recently? Bad, I know. That drive must have been torture. I vote you go ahead and hop on that ball and watch that tv. The best help you'll be to anyone in the long run is to take the time to rest and start healing up. Running around shopping and doing projects is going to fuel the inflammation and extend the time you spend in pain. And heaven knows you won't get any good planning done if you can't get comfortable, much less stay focused - treat yourself the way you'd treat your kids or husband if they were the ones who were in this kind of excruciating pain. I bet if you ask them, they'll agree with me! I'd say "feel better soon" but I think it's more realistic to say "hope you find something strong and numbing soon" :grouphug:.

You're definitely not the only one :grouphug:. Some days the best anyone can do is to try. I'm sorry you are feeling horribly but you gave it the best you could today. That counts for something!

I drink both but am weird about how. I'll drink iced coffee, not hot; and hot tea, not iced.

I was put on mandatory maternity leave at 6 months pregnant. Disability insurance paid out my presumed wages at 100%. I say presumed because I was on payroll at F/T but in actually was working P/T. I tried telling the them they were overpaying me, but the adjustor said to consider it a gift from the state. :thumbup1: I considered it a job perk. I was given eight weeks post-partum (at 100% pay) and then allowed 12 weeks of (paid if we drew from our vacation or sick banks, otherwise unpaid) FMLA leave. My employer also offered up to six more months of consecutive leave (unpaid) following our FMLA, which I took advantage of. It got me to my kids' first birthdays.

I'm in the camp that doesn't consider the word 'sacrifice' to be emotionally-loaded. So to that end, as a parent I have made sacrifices. It's part of the job, but that doesn't change the word's definition. I retired last year, a good 20-25 years before the typical age of retirement. I did it because my ex-husband asked it of me. He saw that I was juggling so many balls (single parent, homeschooling, working outside the home) and felt our priority should be the home education of the kids. I sacrificed a substantial degree of autonomy - earning my own income, contributing to my own retirement, controlling my own schedule, and selecting my preference of an emotional and intellectual outlet. My ex-husband's sacrifice was financial - he matched the salary I gave up, secured my retirement in today's dollars, and assumed responsibility for my medical insurance. Instead of the state-mandated 1/4 of his income, I end up with almost 3/4 of it. We're both very much okay with these sacrifices because we feel them to be in the best interest of our children. I get to drop a few balls and he gets to be involved in the kids' lives using the resource he's better with and prefers (money, not time). And even though it's a win-win-win situation (martyrs need not apply) the choices we made are still reasonably considered to be sacrifices.

:grouphug: I have a sister who is needier than the rest of us; she has always been, and has taken so much of our parent's time, energy, and resources. It's been hard for all of us, but one of my sisters has an especially rough time with it. She struggles with trying to be a "good" daughter and do the right thing by our family, but being met with constant rejection because the needier sister's needs always win out really does wear on her. I'm sorry you're being met with that same type of disappointment. If they don't already, I hope one day your kids appreciate your selflessness in ensuring they maintained a relationship with people who put extra wear and tear on your emotions.

We were at the water park today and befriended a little guy named Odie. We're Garfield fans. It reminded me of this thread, but in reverse LOL. My daughter did ask the mom if it was spelled "O-D-I-E" like the Garfield dog's name. The mom was very gracious. She said yes, and shared that her Odie was named for her stepfather - and that Odie was short for O'Dell. She got a chuckle when my daughter's face fell ... my girl thought it was the coolest thing ever to be named after her favorite Garfield character. What a disappointment to learn such a cool name was a family heirloom, as is her plain ol' name!

I don't use my family's soup recipe. I love the taste of it, I just don't like putting the work into it. And since I went to college in an area that lacked any ethnic groceries I came to tolerate and even crave my own "we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto" version using substitutes available at the Ralph's or Lucky's. Basically: instead of simmering yummy seasonally-appropriate sea veggies and fish heads, I use boxed vegetable stock. I love when family makes the "real" soup, and I eagerly lap it up. My kids will eat the "real" version but they've been eating the WNIKA/T version for so long that it's really what they prefer. Oh well! My mom and aunties shake their heads and tsk tsk at us but they have the courtesy to do it in another language so we can pretend not to hear it :lol:. Everyone wins, soup is slurped, life goes on.

I'd go on the cruise. Maybe I'd let them plan or give ideas for Christmas 2015, which they could spend every bored minute planning while on this year's cruise. ;) You may end up at LEGOLAND that next year, but one for you and one for them ... not so bad, right?!

I think you're right. And I think we're getting to the end of it. When I was a kid the genre du jour was game shows. They seemed to be on every channel, every hour, every night. And then it was talk shows, remember? I'm curious what the next wave of shows will be. I actually enjoy bad reality tv, but it really is time to see what else the puppet masters in Hollywood have in store for us!

I'm not uncool, I'm an elitist :lol:. I've never felt any need to sit through any/either of those. And Lord help me, I'll never be made to! Now to REALLY separate cool from uncool, we're gonna have to play the BAD REALITY TV Edition. (The cool probably don't even watch bad reality TV.) (It's enough they're "starring" in it :boxing_smiley: I guess.) :ph34r:

I wasn't a fan when my son's coaches started calling him by the associated nickname, but I didn't go nuts about it. I just cringed a little, mostly inside, and eventually the nickname started sounding normal to my ears. I'm still not a fan of the nickname, but now even more people call him that. I think I'm the lone holdout. He'll answer to anything, it's just not something he cares about. I vaguely remember Benji (the dog). I wonder if this mom has some baggage associated with the name, so it's something she's extra sensitive about? My nephew is named after my BIL's favorite musician. If anyone tries to use the nickname, my BIL goes ape. He's extra sensitive about the full name because he is super vested in the name choice. I mean, like, SUPER VESTED. This kid was named before he was even a twinkle in anybody's eye! It was brought up during one of their first few dates, like he needed reassurance that SIL was cool with the name so that he could continue dating her to see where the relationship went. :lol: Sounds like my BIL and Benji's mom are two peas in a pod. Lord have mercy. Maybe she hadn't thought about the Benji (dog) reference until someone brought it up after the kid was born - you know how people do that kind of thing? When my daughter was four someone told me DD had the same name as a famous hooker. I'm the sort to be amused by that (nice women don't make history and all of that) but I can see where some may not like the association ... or someone bringing it up so late in the game! I'd stop calling Benji by that nickname. I'd worry that the mom would make a huge deal of it to him at home, leaving him to be her baggage handler - so to speak. But I'd be sad, maybe annoyed, about it. It sounds like you

Sending good thoughts to that corner of the world, to all affected indirectly or indirectly. The unpredictability of a fire terrifies me. I can't imagine what I'd feel if the disaster was so close to my heart. And here's hoping your area stays clear of any danger.

I have a box for these kinds of things, too - my dad's dog tags, my mom's 3rd grade report card, my grandfather's pipe ... I do pull them out every so often. I have one child who's very sentimental and we love going through the box and reminiscing. My box is a cardboard banker's box. I really need to get something nicer like a hope chest. But I do use my baptismal candle! We've always lit it on special days like other sacraments, anniversary of some sacraments, our name/feast day, graduations and Easter. In fact, in my extended family it's custom that the godfather's gift is a fancier, special candlestick; it is stored with the baptismal candle and brought out only on important days in the godchild's life when the candle will also be lit. When a relative dies or is near death, we light the candle and let it burn continuously until it's gone. Maybe you can start lighting yours on feast days and other important days - that way you can still "keep" and appreciate that slice of your personal history without the need to store it. Even for those who are no longer Catholic, it's a neat way to share a part of your early life with your spouse and kids. As for the baptismal gown ... we hand ours down but an aunt who married into our family had the family custom of a new, gorgeous gown for each baby. She had no inkling to save it for future grandkids, and instead had it framed. It looks lovely. I think if I were the OP I'd have it framed and then give it back to my mom to display at HER house! :lol:

My son is the kid who dribbles up and down the stairs, who perfected his outside pass against my raised hearth, and who gets most of his toe touches in at the stovetop while waiting for his food to cook. He has a dedicated "inside only" ball for the house. Look into ODP for a higher level of practice and to network with area clubs. It would help a kid who struggled at try outs to gain experience at trying out while also getting a wide sample of feedback on which skills need more work. It cost us about the same as rec registration. Let coaches/clubs know that you want to guest play. My son did it with various select teams for two years before I let him sign with a single club. He got to play under a variety of coaches, which is always good IMO. Rec and select are two different beasts. The speed alone will challenge even the most fit, best rec player - there's a definite adjustment period. Have your son come up with a personal training program that includes running 1-2 miles/day a few days each week. My son would take the kids to the park and do sprints on the sand volleyball court while they played. Running on grass was NOTHING after that! Cross-train and strengthen his core - my son does pilates and boxing. Have your son set small goals to work on daily - x numbers of touches/day; x number foot juggles, etc. Do small goals it will take him a few weeks to master ... neither too easy, nor too difficult. Find a coach who does small group lessons and make that a weekly practice. It'll cost more, but he can use rec games to practice any skills the private coach is working on. It should make rec games more tolerable, too. Practice and games are different ... it really takes a game situation to hone soccer IQ and develop the confidence to take risks on the pitch. Look around for an off-season futsal league or buy your own futsal ball - it's a GREAT way to increase speed and control. Keep a hacky sack or shuttlecock in the car. We play in the few minutes it takes to fill the car with gas, e.g. At park day or other kids' practices we do soccer tennis or just juggle between us (regulation-size ball). That last one is always good to gather a crowd - the more that join, the bigger the circle, the more fun it is. And people always want to join. :) By the time I green-lighted select, he had trained seriously for two years and had sought opportunities to better himself through guest play and a variety of critiques. He was rewarded by offers of a contract from 4 of 4 coaches. 3 of those coaches offered a full scholarship if he'd sign on the spot. He chose the 4th coach and negotiated his own scholarship before bringing me the contract to sign. :lol: This summer he signed with an academy team. He hopes to work his way up to the national team. People were convinced I made a mistake by delaying his entry into select, but it felt right to spend those first years investing in him - not a club. I wanted the club to be a resource for us, not our master.

I always use painters' tape. It's stickier than the colored dots but easier to remove than masking tape. It's the perfect tape for the job! (It also allows you to select the perfect length - you can write size, price and your initials so the cashier credits the correct family!)

My kids have done Coerver camps for almost ten years now. I'll second that recommendation, it's given them solid basic skills. My son likes this guy on YouTube: onlinesocceracademy.com

I once worked a union job, and we did go on strike. We had a strong show of solidarity from the two other unions on the property (they represented two other work groups), including several who refused to cross my union's picket line. We were also heavily supported by non-union work groups who weren't at our company but were in our industry. This support and solidarity increased the effectiveness of our strike. I learned (about myself) that I would never cross a picket line, even if I didn't agree with my union. We went on strike in the 90s, and in the 20+ years since then 'they' still circulate the scab list and make sure every new hire is given a copy of it. Long memories, poor quality of work life ... I feel for those who crossed the picket line because they had kids or parents to support, and in that position I'd have to make the same choice. But man oh man, even the company turned on them once it and the union reached an agreement. Based on that experience, I don't think I'd cross a workers' picket line. It wouldn't matter if I agreed or disagreed with the politics. To me it's like this: if you air your dirty laundry, I'm totally going to peak at your unmentionable but I'm NOT going to go sniffing the linens on the line. It's such an emotional and intense situation and ... no thank you, I'll wait until it's all sorted out. It always sorts itself out. Protesters are a different story. I have issues with authority ;) so I get all pissy if I feel like someone is telling me what to do (or not do), what to buy (or not buy), what to believe (or not believe), what to support (or not support). I don't know what I'd do in that situation. I imagine it would depend on my mood, where I was on my errands/to-do list, and how the stars were aligned. There is one protest that has made an impression on me: Jackie Walter's protest of the NCRM in Memphis. I met her by accident, and ended up speaking to her several times over a six year period whenever my work took me to Memphis. I admire her perseverance and respect how she protests (she waits to be addressed, she doesn't verbally assault passers-by), even though I only agree with some of her politics. I doubt I'd have it in me to put my money where my mouth is, the way she has. If you don't know who she is, here is her website: www.fulfillthedream.net

I sort of honor the request. If I were to say "no gifts" I'd truly mean that I'd prefer no gifts. And yet when I'm invited to a "no gifts" party I still feel compelled to bring something. Go figure. LOL So given that it's a party for a 7 year old (who probably would like a tangible acknowledgment even if her parents prefer guests not bring one) ... and given that you know others will bring a gift ... and given that you don't want to be insulting either way ... you have to show up with flexible options. I'd bring a card and I'd stuff a $5-10 gift card in it - Sonic, Starbucks, etc. In my mind that's more of a token nod to the occasion than it is a gift. It doesn't scream GIFT when you show up, but you're also not sitting there empty-handed when gifts are opened. Of course that could just be how I justify it to myself!

My mom and former mother-in-law are shoppers, so they contribute the lion's share to my kids' wardrobes. It works for us because my daughter prefers their taste to mine, my son doesn't care what he wears, the grandmas like to shop, and I don't. LOL I fill in whatever is missing, anything required by extracurricular activities, and many of their wants (within reason). I have no end age in mind. I'll stop when I feel taken advantage of or when my help is no longer desired. That could be age 10, 15, or 30 for all I know. I like to play it by ear rather than box myself in by overthinking it now. I think each kid is different, each season of life is different, and there are just too many variables to have a set expectation about things like this.

My mom and former mother-in-law are shoppers. They both send me clothes or take me shopping on a pretty regular basis. It's not an expectation I have, nor is it a request of mine (truly I'd rather have the cash to put towards things I actually want LOL) but it is a way that both women choose or feel compelled to show their love. Not unlike the mom who likes to cook and who still prepares an adult child's favorite meals when that child visits home. I find no shame in either as they stand alone; I can maybe see shame if there was that expectation or request you assumed - but I don't automatically view those as the default behind a parent who buys clothes for an adult child. I guess that's where you and I differ, and where our respective family cultures show their influence on our points of view. I'm in my 30s and my mom came home a few hours ago with two new bras for me. She saw a sale, knew I'd like them, and ... brace yourself ... she knows my size because she hand washes my lingerie :seeya: I don't ask or expect her to buy OR wash my lingerie it's just something she does. Just like when I fill her gas tank every week - she neither requests nor expects, she simply and graciously accepts my gesture of love. Long story short, I think situational context is important. A lazy, unemployed 18-27 year old expecting Moms to buy him designer jeans is a different beast than a responsible, underemployed 16-25 year old whose Momma sees him trying to stretch his wages. I see it as the difference between enabling and helping, and from that perspective it doesn't matter if we're talking clothes, cash, housing, or full-on supporting. LOL

How about a savory asparagus strata? You could do it with mushrooms, spinach or asparagus ... and ham or bacon. It's nice because you can make it ahead. Oops, I guess that would be tonight. LOL Or if desserts are welcome, every pound cake recipe I've ever seen has used a truckload of eggs. And if you're REALLY feeling ambitious, you can make a lasagna. With the egg noodles you'd also need to make. :lol:

We took each duty station on a case-by-case basis; we didn't have a blanket rule. We joined him on three non-sponsored assignments around Asia, but he was a geographical bachelor at some stateside assignments. It just depended on what else was going on in our lives. It worked for us. We knew families who never separated and families who settled at one base with the soldier rotating back and forth between "home" and another base. Every family has its own situation, and there's no one right/wrong way to approach this. That said, I did Fort Hood the first time. I hated that place so when he went back, he went without us. In our case we had bought a home the first time, rented it out once we left, and still had it for him to live in when he returned. Two of the guys who transferred with him rented two of the extra rooms, and the fourth room was kept for us to use when visiting. That kept visits affordable and easier on me and the kids. Our property was in Copperas Cove. I preferred it to Harker Heights because we wanted more land, less neighbors. My brother was stationed there much more recently, and it sure had changed a lot since we had last been there. It's more built up now, less need to hit Waco or Austin for something to do. But you still couldn't pay me to go back ;) LOL. A year doesn't feel long to me, but we've had many deployments where accompanying him wasn't even an option. I worked with a lot of reserve families who weren't used to that kind of separation, and after 9/11 when they were getting called up to AD it was a very hard adjustment for many families to make. The soldiers I worked with had "regular" jobs, and the spouses were used to a certain level of support at home and with parenting. Soldiers who were coming from non-traditional jobs (e.g., pilots) had an easier time transitioning to AD because their spouses were used to some time apart and going it "alone". You two should discuss which camp you think your family falls into. I think it's easier on kids the ages of yours to move, and that it gets harder as they get older. Sure kids "at home" move on, but the Fort Hood community is large and active - you'll find a baseball team and most anything else you'd be leaving behind. It could be an adventure. But it doesn't make you an awful wife or mother to think it's better overall for you to stay behind. You're not throwing a fit and refusing to go because you hate Texas, you're taking into account how this move might affect the whole family - from ALL angles, not just the traditional, expected "aren't families supposed to always stay together?" POV. I encourage you both to discuss it off/on over the course of several conversations, together coming up with pros and cons for each option. Resentment is the worst thing for a marriage, and will affect it more than a year spent together or apart. If it were me, I'd stay home - especially given your potential to take on debt. But I have a strong family network and deep roots in the community here. As a homeschooler I have a flexible schedule to time visits as often as needed, as would you. In our case with Fort Hood, my job wasn't transferrable to the area so I took a series of leaves but had four months where I was commuting by plane twice a month (hardly ideal but I wasn't giving up my career for four months in miserable Texas!) You shop airlines for good deals, and take turns visiting - you/kids to him, then him to you/kids. You'll have better luck flying into Austin because it has more carriers. Back in the day it was a 34-seat turbo prop into Fort Hood and the new Joes with their duffle bags always bumped passengers because of weight restrictions. It was a huge pain LOL! Good luck with your decision, I know it's a tough one.

I've found that staying on top of maintenance always ends up saving me money. So for my car that means staying on top of oil changes, tire rotations, etc. before things become a problem. For my appliances that means: cleaning out the dryer vent twice a year, changing the a/c filters every other month, cleaning the bathroom exhaust fans twice a year, cleaning freezer build-up once a year, emptying vacuum bag when it's 3/4 full - not full or (worse) overstuffed, and not overstuffing the washer or dryer by thinking one large load is more efficient than two smaller loads. For my yard that means: regular inspection of the trees (before a sick limb takes down the entire tree @ $5000 to remove - ouch, BTDT), not allowing the ivy or bamboo or other invasive plant to become overgrown, regular watering of beds near the foundation, regular pool care even during winter - to include covering it for winter, regular lawn care (rather than "as needed" which can cost more in the long run), and regular bed care (10 min a week to weed vs. an entire weekend every few months, etc.) For my home that means: regular dusting and vacuuming (to reduce what ends up in a/c filter, among other things), regular checking of door and window seals, like an earlier poster said - quick squeegee of shower glass after each shower, quick post-task wipe downs (the foggy mirror post-shower, the sink & counters post-teeth-brushing, the floors after going potty), four times a year closet purging (I do this on the first day of each "season" to keep on track and it keeps the task from becoming overwhelming), light-blocking drapes on all west-facing windows (pulled shut once the afternoon sun hits in summer, left open during winter), and scheduled pest control (for me this is just every 90 days sprinkling new borax around entry spots). For me, personally, that means: prioritizing regular exercise, even if it's just a 30 minute walk around the block or lifting canned pumpkin during commercial breaks, having a few healthy standby food options on hand - frozen meals that will be just as quick/convenient as ordering in or dining out, making regular time, however small, for your de-stressor of choice: glass of wine, long bath, cat nap, few chapters of good book, etc.), making regular time to attend to chores that would otherwise spiral out of hand if put off (e.g., laundry!), and indulging on a preferred scent, beauty product, shoe/bag, mani/pedi, etc. is cheaper than going without but feeling down or unrecognized for all the hard work you do! I live within walking distance of three specialty grocery stores and a Walmart neighborhood market. Several of my neighbors sell chicken eggs, jams, honey and veggies at their mailboxes. This allows me to grocery shop every 2-3 days, which I prefer to do since it reduces our food waste and spoilage. I've saved lots going from a once-a-month cooking plan to this plan. I still have a few dishes I bulk make and freeze (to keep standby rather than ordering out or in) but mostly I buy produce, dairy and breads as-needed rather than enough to last a week or more. I try to plan errands to coincide with the kids' extracurriculars - saves me at least a tank of gas each month, because I live semi-rural.