Jump to content

Menu

Ripley

Members
  • Posts

    747
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    1

Everything posted by Ripley

  1. I was never bullied, but I had a big family and we were super protective of each other. People know that if you messed with one of us, you were going to get ALL of us. And our cousins. And our cousins' cousins from the next island over LOL. Fortunately it's not been an issue for my kids, either. They've always been comfortable in their skins so appearing different hasn't ever bothered them. They're quick witted and will be the last one standing after verbal judo against all kids and many adults.They share the innate ability to read people, and more than once have undermined a bully's confidence. My kids were the ones playing hall monitors at Chuck E Cheese's making sure the little ones didn't have their tokens or tickets stolen by older kids. They were the ones with the superhero complexes at the playground, flying in to save the day when kids cut in line for the swings or stole sandbox toys from each other. If anything, they would have been the ones to bully because they have assertive, strong personalities. I'm not sure how they ended up defending the underdog instead of picking on them, but I thank God for that. It breaks my heart that so many kids feel they've been bullied. I can't imagine the pressure they feel, especially when they don't have the tools or words to advocate for themselves .. or when their tools or words get them nowhere. I still can't shake that horrible Bully movie from my mind now that I remember I watched it.
  2. Where possible I used examples - from real life, books, movies, everywhere. And of course I did so pre-emptively, before I thought there was any reason or need to. We were .. fortunate? .. to have a bully in the family who provided much fodder for discussion. It was an in-law far enough removed, and who never targeted my kids, which made it workable. I agree with Mergath that the most appropriate response to a live situation is to shut it down. But teaching goes beyond the moment, so to speak. It can as simple as a debrief of that situation - helping a victim name the abuse and/or validating his/her assessment or feelings. Or it might be a full breakdown of the situation - why x was considered to be bullying, how to/when to deflect it or defend oneself, etc. Steps that can/will empower one to understand s/he isn't deserving of the treatment, and what to do. Bullying can be mild or severe. Victim reactions can range from denial to acceptance to reactive rage. I don't think anyone believes that teaching about bullies replaces immediate action to an ongoing situation. Sadly, I did see that movie Bully (have you?) so I know that people actually DO act like they believe that. I just have to hope they changed their ways once they saw themselves on film. Heart-breaking. I think teaching about bullies is also good for kids who tend towards bullying or being strong-natured. It might keep some of them in check, who otherwise wouldn't recognize these traits in themselves. But I also think that bullying is the first cry of a lot of people who see it where there is none. Crying wolf when a feral kitty strolls by does more harm than good to the cause and its victims.
  3. I've always been comfortable with the denomination I was born into, so I'm no help there. But if I were in your position I might contact the pastor at the church in MO, and see if he had any suggestions. He might be able to help you narrow down your search on a large level (denomination) or a small level (specific churches in your area). I imagine these guys network or something, you know? Best wishes as you search for and find your new church home :).
  4. We play it by ear, but don't usually start until mid/late-September. I don't really have a good reason. I procrastinate a lot, generally speaking, so that's a good part of the reason. But we also like to travel. September is a great travel month so it just depends on the trips we've planned. So I guess the why is because I procrastinate and like to take vacation LOL.
  5. I like the fresh, clean schoolroom. It only stays organized and awesome for a few hours, but those few hours bring me immense pleasure. It also means a new back-to-school outfit. At our school, every desiring student gets one - and so does teacher :D. And finally, it means Sharpies go on sale. I love my Sharpies. My ex-husband upgraded one of his gun safes, and I took the old one to hold my important paperwork and my Sharpies :lol:. Can't have the kids' grubby little paws running off with them!
  6. The former speaks to motive; the latter to behavior. A woman can be said to "want and celebrate children" - and even behave in a manner motivated by that - but if she does so in the spotlight of following an "expected life path" her behavior is culturally-driven, and completely ignores motivation. A woman behaving outside the established mainstream ideals to want children, to celebrate children, to have children, and/or to fulfill (or attempt to fulfill) the expectation she will have children - is said to be counter-cultural, without regard to her motivation. Rhetorical questions: Is her motivation to have children "to want and celebrate children" or is it to fulfill an expected life path? Is the distinction an important one? And if so, is it only important if her behavior reflects the mainstream? ETA My opinion: Each subculture wants to believe it's following the right recipe for human existence. It's necessary to the subculture's continued existence, and in that way is excusable. But no one - not political liberals, not religious conservative, not any group in between - is above the displaying or encouraging of social behaviors contrary to a woman's moral freedom to bear children.
  7. Even when there's a reasonable explanation to be had, it's hard not to feel hurt ... hard to not take it personally. Hopefully it was a fleeting emotion? If not, I hope it's at least beginning to fade. Parenting has seasons where we can be left feeling insignificant - lots of work for little to no immediate recognition. Naturally it would also sting if our marriage left us feeling that same way - even if just for a fleeting moment. It would most people, even those who aren't particularly sensitive to these things. :grouphug: I hope you feel better soon.
  8. I think you should consider technical writing. It hits your skills without delving too far into your dislikes (creative content) and can be pretty flexible. I did it for a year when a work injury kept me out of the field. My company let me tele-commute, I only had to come into the office a minimum of one day or 8 hours/week. Court transcriber Paralegal - with your bachelor's, you probably only need a certificate. Not sure about the forecast for this job but it fits your skills! Grant writing - as a consultant you can build up your career as the need to grows. So many organizations need help with this and are willing to pay. I did it in college. You won't get rich, but in my case it led to other writing/editing opportunities that became my bread and butter. Adjunct teacher at the community college - maybe not super reliable in the long term, but in line with your background while you take more time to figure out what else to do But really - instead of a professional career have you considered a more non-traditional "long term job" - like an airline? Most people think of the front line (flight attendants, gate agents, pilots) but there are a ton of people in the back. They crunch numbers, they write safety manuals, they put out press junkets, they staff the elite lounges, etc. They work in small groups. You could jump ship at any time if you find a field you are more passionate about, while still bringing in some bacon. And flight benefits ;). Or in a completely different direction - financial planning or selling insurance. I have brothers that do both. They work from home and most of our neighbor don't think they have jobs at all because they're always at the gym, the Starbucks, or the sports fields LOL. No degree required, but certification is necessary. That's good, though because you don't have to get super vested (time, money) before you know if it's a good fit for you. You'll need to some selling and meetings, but they're the small groups you prefer.
  9. I'm an extrovert. To the max. Homeschooling never felt isolating until I retired last year. Now that homeschooling is my one and only "job" I find homeschooling to be incredibly lonely! I've always been very active in the community, but this past year I really ramped up my involvement :) And what's weird is that in the year I've been retired, I've seen much less of my one introverted son. I have to get out and around other people every day, so it's nothing to spend 4-5 hours holding court at Starbucks. But he's a solid introvert, content to hole up for days at a time. We're doing the same things as each other reading, writing) we just do it best in our respective offices ;). I carry my craft projects around town. At soccer practice, the other moms do their thing - they sit near each other and throw out the occasional casual comment, but mostly they just parallel play on their phones LOL. I'm the one in the bleachers trying to keep my paper crafts from flying around and my little jar of beads from getting knocked over, all the while chatting up a storm with the one other extrovert dad and the siblings who like to get in on my crafting action :). I tried doing crafts at home but I get distracted and can't focus because it's too quiet or too ... I don't know, it just feels like something is off. Even if the tv is on, and even if the kids are still in the house ... if they're not within spitting distance or if they're too occupied with something electronics or books to keep a conversation going, my crafting goes nowhere LOL. I don't like Christmas shopping, but it's not an intro-extrovert thing. It's more an I hate people who tune out their spatial awareness* thing. It's why I've grown to dislike amusement parks, airports, grocery stores and the subway - even though those places are historically great, fun places to meet people. Thank the Good Lord for Starbucks, comfy seats and free refills so I may get my fix! *No disrespect intended to those who, like my sister and daughter, were born spatially challenged. I know you all exist. But I also know you're a smaller few than general public behavior might otherwise imply.
  10. I can feed three kids breakfast at McD's for $6 ... $8 if the teens get hash browns LOL. I come from a pretty big family, we had a few more than you do, and McD was always our special meal out :lol:. I'd probably present three options and put it to a vote. 1. doughnuts - at home or at the doughnut shop, doesn't matter 2A. IHOP - but we're going after 4pm, dang it! Either the night before or the night of, we're going at night. 2B. IOHP - fine, we can go that morning but all students are limited to $5. Good luck eating well on that, kids! 3. eat at home, but since you all are the picky ones then you get to cook and clean. I'm getting waited on, one way or another! :tongue_smilie: Waffle House is a great suggestion!
  11. My kids eat with their eyes, so moving to smaller plates worked well. If we were eating soup, they wanted it filled to the brim and always a second helping. Moving to smaller bowls didn't change that, but it did cut their soup meal portion in half. The kids didn't notice or care enough to comment on the smaller portions. They still got their bowls filled to the brim followed by that second helping LOL. It was a victory all around :thumbup: everybody was happy! My priority was to change physical habits first, and worry about the mental habits later. If they asked, I only said "we're aiming for better nutrition" and kept it short and generic. It was hard for me not to engage, but my efforts paid off. I didn't have it in me to fight portion control on multiple fronts. Once everyone adjusted to the new portions and that was no longer a battle, I opened up the floor to discussion/comments. But by this time, many of their standard arguments ("I'm still starving") were no longer valid. They had grown somewhat used to smaller portion sizes, had seen some physical benefit to them and most importantly knew they'd survive. Another idea might be trickier with certain kids, but worked well for us - we downplayed second helpings. Instead we offerered dessert later if they were still hungry. My kids bought into it because they were entranced by the word DESSERT. Then I gave them a healthier dessert. For us that was cream and berries, bananas dipped in dark chocolate and rolled in nuts, popcorn with nutritional yeast, juicing from the vitamix poured into popsicle molds, and various fruits counted as desserts once they got a dollop of fresh whipped cream! (Our goal was portion control but also smarter eating. For us that meant more fats in the kids' diet.) Or we offered "second dinner" in a few hours if they were still hungry. Many times this was leftovers, but the kids had to take them from the fridge and warm them up. That was usually a deterrent and accurate judge between true hunger vs. boredom hunger. But sometimes it'd be something small like a serving of guac and chips, a cup of full fat yogurt turned into a faux split (walnuts, sliced bananas, frozen strawberries), or an ounce of cheese with a slice of turkey. One last thing I did with pre-packaged foods was to show them what was considered a serving size. So when we'd go to Subway and the kids wanted their own bag of chips ... we saw that each bag counted as two servings. So they would share a bag instead. Not always happily at first. But I was happy because eating out got cheaper again LOL. At home we do the same. So if the loaf of bread calls one slice a serving, we eat half a sandwich or an open-faced sandwich that meal. I didn't get into the nitty gritty of product serving size vs. food chart serving size because it didn't serve my higher purpose LOL. Fortunately the kids never though to ask or challenge it!
  12. If I had no real direction I desired to return to or too, and I was more or less resigned to the fact that I had to go back into SOME career - ANY career, it wouldn't bother me if someone gave me a short list to choose from. Doesn't matter if it was my husband, my dad, or the guy that sells me tamales. If I didn't really care or didn't really know where to start, there's no real need for me to infer any deep meaning to someone who might just be trying to help in the best way he knows how. Men problem solve, it seems like an innocent enough way for a husband to think he's helping his wife narrow down the possibilities. Or maybe it's just me. (I'll take it though. Why assume the worst about people/situations we don't know well?) Plus, if I don't care then I genuinely do not care LOL. If it's "just a job I'm working" and not anything I seek or expect to see fulfillment from, then it may as well be something that best benefits the family. I can work 12 hour days slinging food at Waffle House or I can work 6 hour days doing physical therapy and earn the same or more. Doesn't matter who comes up with the idea, I'm on board with it! I wouldn't return to teaching, but I might consider going back to it for a few years while earning a graduate's in admin. Do you have any interest in that side of the school system, perhaps where you're more likely to see and promote the changes you'd like to see? My friend homeschooled for eight years and is now a school principal. She's walked both sides of the divide and is doing an amazing job integrating the best of both worlds. She plans to open her own private school in the next five years. There is also non-traditional teaching, like K12 or online public schools. Not sure it'd be a whole lot better than a bona fide classroom but it wouldn't be any worse as far staying home and homeschooling go. Where are your interests, talents, skills? ETA: I retired last year but if I was re-entering the workforce I'd consider dental hygienist. I'd have to get over my issue of people's mouths ;) but the ones I know say they love the relatively short time it takes to enter the field and that they're not taking on the debt of a 4-year degree to secure a livable, decent income. I hear it's somewhat flexible, which is also desireable. And even in a bad economy most people today consider dental health a need/necessity, and not an extra - that could mean it'd be a relatively stable job, too.
  13. Our parish has door greeters. It had to grow on me. My previous parishes (in different states, regions, countries) never had official greeters - the parishioners who held social court in the narthex before Mass were our "greeters" LOL. I feel the same about the greeters as I do about salespeople: I like the ones that do a decent job of reading their crowd. These treasured and preferred greeters are the ones who discriminately hug, kiss, shake hands or carry on extended greetings or even conversations. They recognize my well-attempted, poorly-hidden expression of dread as I approach the church doors, fearful I'll be greeted with anything more than a friendly smile and generic "Hello, Welcome!" I hate all of the other greeters - the ones whose greetings are more about them than they are about the people they're greeting ;). They're huggers, so they're going to hug you whether you like it or not! They're starved for conversation or so they're going to hold you hostage at the door for a lengthy superficial exchange as you juggle kids, umbrellas and your wits (which are telling you to drop everything - literally - fold your arms and sweetly carry on the conversation like nothing happened). I'm an extrovert. No, really I am! What I'm not, however, is demonstrative. Hold the physical affection unless we've pro-created together or I'm your legal guardian and your hands and nose are clean. I am not your napkin, thankyouverymuch. But usually on the way to Mass we've either prayed a rosary or listened to Catholic radio or one of the kids has read the day's readings for us on the drive ... so my mind is more focused on that, not on catching up with people. It's like how you can go to your bathroom in the middle of the night without fully waking up, right? So that's the state I'm in when I'm walking up to the church from the parking lot. Semi-conscious, mostly on auto-pilot, mind elsewhere. Loud, showy greetings ruin the whole effect :) and then I get annoyed, and then I gotta decide if I should take communion or wait until I can confess the horrible thoughts I just had, and then everything else goes downhill from there LOL.
  14. Yeah, I did something similar last Christmas. My daughter got some paints. As I put them in the suitcase I paused and thought it'd be smarter to toss them in a Ziploc or something first ... but lazy won out. I tossed them in, called it good, and figured the three minutes I saved hunting down a Ziploc at my in laws' house could now be spent at the airport Starbucks. It ended up being easier to toss the bag and clothes than to try to salvage it a month after the fact. Oh well. I'm embarrassingly relieved that I'm not the only adult who has done this sort of thing. :001_smile:
  15. I have the same philosophy and general snack list as gentlemommy :). Nuts are a big one here. Pricier at first, but lasting. I buy from bulk bins. I make little protein muffins for the kids to eat before bed, but they'd work for snacks. I just sub out a scoop of the flour for a scoop of protein powder. I save that scoop of flour because eventually it all adds back up and I have the equivalent of a box. Yeah, I'm that cheap LOL. They put pumpkin or fig butter, sometimes plain butter on those. I make them with applesauce and bananas, also. Sometimes I make the kids eat another piece of fruit with it - grapes or something. Another one that I've done recently is to make my own beef jerky. I make a ton at once, like 3-4 pounds, all different flavors (smoked, teriyaki, etc.). Buy when meat is on sale, ideally. A few pieces go a long way. Then I have them eat a few raw veggies on the side and they're good to go.
  16. This is exactly the reason I think that just registering with the Selective Service isn't enough. When all kids turn 18 we should require they register with the Inclusive Service. That's my proposed agency where customer service jobs are required for at least one year before a person turns 24. :laugh: It won't get rid of all jerks, but it should reduce a decent portion of them - and pretty quickly!
  17. I believe anger can have a positive affect, in general. I agree with others in feeling it's an exception more than the rule ... but yes, it can. You mention the adrenaline rush in a physically threatening environment; that's good. Another might be a call to action. Anger can inspire people to positive action, too. For parenting, I can say that anger has helped my family in some situations. Again it's the exception, not the rule ... but especially by a certain age, it can be effective. You can only say so many times that something is hurtful, upsetting, disrespectful, etc. Sometimes the child needs to truly see the effect their choices or behaviors have on others. And I say that from both perspectives. On the rare occasion my parents got mad, I'd sit up straight and REALLY pay attention! It was easy for me to blow off my behavior as annoying. Seeing anger, though, was a reality check. It usually bought my parents a solid month or so of my best behavior. Which wasn't much, but hey ... effort outta count for something! It's definitely also true on the parent side of things LOL. When used sparingly and appropriately, it can be extremely effective. Others mention the safety thing as an example. I think it's even more positive once the kids get older. It's good for teens to see raw parent emotion, good and bad. It's also good for them to see us navigate an emotional event. And it's definitely a positive (for me) to have to remember I'm modeling desired behavior ... I can't just throw the tantrum that my inner toddler is fighting to release ;).
  18. One thought - I'm not sure what your husband does, or what his days will be like. You two might sit down and discuss everybody's expectations of life at Ft. Wherever. What are other families saying about being there? You wouldn't just be relocating - it's a change of job and lifestyle, too! I worked for a company that employed roughly 35% military reservists in one specific work group. (and many retired military. It's one of those industry things that marry well with military skills/experience.) After 9/11 those reservists were getting activated, and families spun into a chaotic flux. One big hurdle I saw families struggle with was the reduction in pay upon activation. The second big hurdle ... spouses expected the status quo to remain - whether they stayed back home or followed their soldier to the assigned duty station. There's no guarantee your husband will be able to maintain the level of help he currently gives. Now that I think about it, this probably influenced my vote that you stay home. Because it's hard to know you're signing up for a year of doing everything on your own ... it's harder to think you signed on for the status quo, only to eventually realize you're still doing it on your own. And now taking on debt in the meanwhile. And maybe this won't apply to your situation. I hope not! I just thought I'd throw it out there. I saw a number of families struggle with activation. They were just used to "military life" being what they knew as a reserve or guard family. It's a similar beast, but not quite identical. Obviously any help is better than no help ;) But for me, if I'm going to be doing it on my own ... I just need to know/plan accordingly ahead of time. I don't want to expect one thing and be surprised by another, you know?
  19. My husband was active duty, and we did this song and dance a few times. We usually opted to send him as a geographical bachelor. He lived on the economy super cheap - renting a room, not an apartment, cheap. That was never hard to do near post. Any post. It did make our visits to him a bit trickier to plan, but not impossible. First thing he'd do is ask around to see if anyone wanted or needed a house sitter. Plenty of times there would be a spouse who was planning a long trip back home. We would take care of pets, water plants, grab mail, etc. Usually it would cost us only the price of electric and water bills. Our visits would be planned around the time of these opportunities. And sometimes we sucked it up and got a hotel. For you that'd be a more manageable debt option, if you end up deciding debt is okay to take on. We tried to visit every third month, for about a month. You might even get on a similar rotation, but visit your parents. Free lodging, closer to husband! I hate moving. Really I hate packing and unpacking. I wouldn't do it for "only" a year. So if I were in your shoes, I'd not even consider renting out the family home. I'd plan to stay put and just leave whenever I could - to my husband, to my parents, anywhere. And I'd scrap school that year except for the basics and only for the bona fide school age kids. It's just one less thing to stress out about. It's already a stressful situation.
  20. I voted other. Generally we serve it on the side. We just eat them steamed, no butter or seasonings or anything. When we were kids our maid made it Mexican-style, grilled with mayo, cayenne and cojita. We all LOVED her corn! My parents served it plain and steamed just like I do now LOL. They weren't fans of her corn so we only ever got it when they were away or whenever she could sneak a few bites to us. We're all lactose-intolerant also, so it always did a number on our digestive system. It was always worth it, though! And it was definitely an entire meal. Well after 14 years of living with us, she moved back home to help with her grandkids. Every year after that we'd have a party by proxy on her birthday. My oldest sister had moved out so she had all of us kids over for dinner. We'd eat corn and only corn, chased down with the maid's favorite beverage (Mello Yello). Then cake and a phone call to wish her happy birthday. I make her corn a few times a year. Done her way, it's always a meal!
  21. I'd write a letter to management. I'd give them a reasonable time frame in which to respond. And I'd plan on leaving a review on other sites once I had (or hadn't) heard back from the restaurant. I like to read reviews. Poor reviews don't scare me away from somewhere - like people, businesses can have a bad day, an off season, and even experience growing pains. I'm generally game to give a place the benefit of the doubt. What DOES scare me away from a place are reviews stating POORLY handled responses (by management) once a diner makes them aware of x problem and y bad experience. I'm annoyed by reviewers who haven't given management a chance to rectify anything. It's odd to me - people who have a complaint but don't own it beyond the act of complaining. I like reviews that reference the restaurant's response to the complaint. Even better when management replies on the review site itself. Sometimes it's enough and I'll give the place a try, once they've had a few months to work out kinks. Sometimes it's so much that I know I'll never patronize the place. I let management make or break it for me, not the front line employees, not the reviews of people who complain with inaction.
  22. And it does, me, as well. But my childhood parish had an unwritten-yet-implied dress code. A few years ago it became a written-and-posted in the narthex dress code. I think it's because the tourists started coming in while still in beach attire - sometimes still dripping or sandy. I'd look up the church website. If it has a dress code, it'll be mentioned. It may have links to the few most recent bulletins. Those will give you a feel for the parish vibe, especially if they include pictures. Sometimes you'll also get Google hits from other weddings that were held at the church. Photographers, usually. And that is perfect - gander at the crowd in the pictures and see what others wore LOL. In your situation, OP, I'd see what I could borrow from friends or family. As you said, no point spending money on stuff you wouldn't wear again. I'd dress more nicely than everyday for a wedding, but ... as the bride, I'd rather you be there than to not be there. I'd hate for an outfit to be what kept you away. I'm not someone who cares about that stuff though. I know some high-maintenance brides who would care, especially for pictures. What are your bride and groom like?
  23. I love it when that happens - and you're right, it seems to happen just when we need it to. The one time it happened to me I felt badly because I had ordered the venti. I normally only order the tall. But it had been THAT kind of night and I required the bladder buster sized pick-me-up. Then I figured I should buy a lottery ticket while my luck was hot :D. But instead I tried to pay forward the kindness. I do admit, though - I secretly hoped the person behind me wasn't ordering for the office LOL.
  24. I don't find tattoos attractive, so I'll never get one (willingly). Many of my close family and friends are tattooed. For us it's a tradition going back to ancient times. My ex-husband comes from a different part of the world than I do. He's heavily tattooed. It's not a part of his cultural tradition. Doesn't change the fact that I found tattoos unattractive - even his. Doesn't change the fact that I wouldn't ever get one myself - even traditional. Doesn't change that fact that I loved and accepted him - warts and all. Or, I suppose tattoos and all. :) I associate tattoos with conformity. By nature, traditions require conformity. So where I'm from tattoos = conformity. And then there's the desire to be different "just like everybody else" which also requires conformity. It's just that one is conforming to a perceived sub-culture rather than to the perceived mainstream. These days tattoos ARE mainstream culture. That circles us back to tattoos = conformity. Because something can't be mainstream without conformity LOL. For some, tattoos are neither traditional nor an act of perceived non-conformity; they are memorials. And still, these require a degree of conformity. All memorials do. Is there an yet unheard of way to memorialize someone or something? An individual first conforms to the idea that a memorial is desired, wanted, appropriate or necessary. And then conforms to any of the many ways that are culturally acceptable to do so - white crosses on roadsides, sticker epitaphs on back car windows, religious services, and tattoos, e.g. So I respectfully disagree with you on this, Night Elf. I see tattoos as the epitome of conformity. But I don't have a negative association with that word or ideal. To me it's a sometimes necessary and positive, very regularly occurring part of the human experience. I think too many people view it as only a negative thing.
  25. I've lived with parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents. My in laws would rather die of exposure on a street corner than live with me. It's nice that we're all on the same page for once LOL. But they did bring in THEIR parents at different times, for shorter spurts, to die at home. What I've learned is that family culture is very important. My family is always up in each other's business. Like it, hate it, everyone knows to expect it. None of us are really that possessive of our space, our time, our resources, our anything. Sure, we have our issues but for the most part there's no "ours" or "yours" - stuff is just THERE. This requires a degree of healthy respect- going both directions. BOTH directions. So there have been minor squabbles but for the most part multi-generational living is successful for us. Then there's my ex-husband's family culture. They love each other. They're there for each other. They feel a strong sense of duty to family. But ... they need a huge amount of privacy. Personal space is a very big priority. If threatened, watch out. Their doors are always closed, both day and night. They label stuff in their fridge if it's "theirs" only. The respect is usually one direction (e.g., child to parent) with that child running interference with his/her spouse. So there were major battles. The multi-generational experiment was a (necessary) failure on more than one occasion. What I'd do is consider the family cultures: your family of origin's, your husband and MIL's, and your marital one. What if the roles were reversed and you were moving in with her - what would you consider as possible issues, going into it? (That might help your DH un-romanticize the idea of "family living" if the cultures show a high potential to clash.) (It might also show you that the "family living" plan is more do-able than you originally thought.) Then I'd have a heart to heart with MIL; or just her and DH if the relationship dictates it be just between them. She needs a reality check, too. It's easier to have the difficult conversations ahead of time, before emotions are an issue. Is the move prompted by loneliness on her part? If so, is she clear that your home is more of a hub for busy people than it is a family gathering spot? At least for now? Then I'd have a heart to heart with DH. Family is good. Family feels right. You can be a family and still have some space. I think a good gauge would be: would you want your grown children's bedrooms that close to yours? If your grown child and her spouse moved in, would DH want bedrooms on separate floors? Your idea of a separate spaces is a good one. MIL on the first floor is ideal. If he doesn't want you in the basement, would he go along with you two taking an upstairs bedroom? MIL could sleep in the downstairs master. A college kid could take the downstairs secondary bedroom or study. You and two other kids share the upstairs. Still some privacy, but maybe more palatable to DH than the basement idea Has your husband considered that his mom may want some privacy of her own? My friend's mom lives with them. She loves the kids but she wasn't used to them being home all day, every day. Things improved when they moved her into the master. She had a larger room, her own bathroom, and more of a retreat when the noise and mess of homeschoolers got overwhelming.
×
×
  • Create New...