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Everything posted by SanDiegoMom

  1. My daughter was diagnosed after high school - so in the fall of her freshman year at college. She has spent the last 3 1/2 years learning how to manage the ADHD. Here is what she would say has worked the most for her -- she does not have auditory issues, she probably does have retained reflexes but I don't know what to pursue really for that, and she is super duper smart and able to hang on due to her amazing memory and her people skills (she's able to sweet talk anyone into extending deadlines, asking for extra accommodations, etc) First off is the research, which it sounds like he is doing. She was helped by the How to ADHD series on Youtube (seriously great videos) and then reading books by Dr. Hallowell and Dr. Barkley. Second is getting on the RIGHT meds. That took quite awhile. She found that while short acting meds (ritalin) worked, the side effects were really difficult to manage. She tried Concerta but it didn't work well. Vyvanse has been a lifesaver. She is on Strattera too, which she says helps boost her working memory (though it doesn't help with task activation). She also got a prescription for Ativan as she got diagnosed with panic disorder (common for people with adhd). She has needed it less and less thankfully. like down to once every three or four months? Working with the right therapist is important. She's got a psych who has adhd and that's been helpful, and doing CBT with a good lcsw or psychologist is very helpful. She has a lot of stuff to work through having grown up with undiagnosed adhd. Through the research she has slowly been building routines to help her through the day. Key points are - organization of stuff (everything in its place, routines at night so that morning is smooth). She does yoga and running/walking, and tries to remember to eat right, drink water, and sleep enough. :). Those are things she never realized were important, but have a huge effect on how she experiences her adhd. Meditation helps boost EF. Sugar affects her very badly, but she has always used it to offset anxiety. This is an existing struggle. She still struggles a lot, but she has come very far. She still turns everything in at the last minute, is late to things, and misses doctor's appointments. She had to cram 600 pages of reading into 3 days last quarter, read salient parts of material right before the exam, watches all the class lectures on 2x speed the day before tests -- it's not pretty. So "living in the red zone" hasn't changed when it comes to school work, but she's at least healthier and happier, which are huge wins. She would be happy to connect if your son wants to hear more -- she has done some peer mentoring through an organization called AllBrains on campus (for adhd and autism). You can just PM me.
  2. We asked my father in law (who is an artist and has used all the different tablets) what to get my daughter for Christmas. He said Ipad and Apple Pencil, hands down. Before you had to get a Pro to use the apple pencil, and now you only need a generation 7 or later, I think? Of the regular Ipad. It is awesome.
  3. My oldest always tells me when she's had an edible:). It's been like three times total, lol. She also doesn't drink. She pushed so many boundaries when she was very young, I think she used up all her rebelliousness! It is so much work tackling big issues collaboratively and without taking away autonomy from a kid that is just trying to learn how to use it responsibility. It feels like lazy parenting to just hand down a consequence without much else. Though after the last few weeks we've had I can understand the attraction of that philosophy!
  4. I have a friend who's daughter took Mr. Caro at WTMA and LOVED him. Still thinks he is the best teacher she's had. My friends are liberal and non-religious so I am assuming Mr. Caro teaches secularly.
  5. Just to give another example of what happened to me while driving: When I was 20 I drove from North Carolina to Maryland in a red Mazda rx-7. It was mostly an empty interstate and I hate driving long distances so I was most definitely speeding - 95 miles an hour. I also was listening to my books on tape and it was very loud. A Virginia state trooper started chasing me to stop me for speeding but my book was too loud for me to hear the sirens and I never checked my mirror. I don't know how long it was that he was chasing me, but I finally realized and pulled over. He came to my door with his gun drawn. He thought I had stolen the car at that point, and was evading arrest. But instead of getting shot I ended up crying in the back seat of his police car while he asked me repeatedly to PLEASE stop crying. I got a hefty ticket and a suspended license in VA but was allowed to go on my way. He was black, I was white, young, and female.
  6. Maybe the difference is how someone experiences ADHD? I mean, if someone has problems with external distractions, then I could see more of the tunnel metaphor. My daughter is very internally distracted and rarely sees anything if her brain is too loud. She's one that could go brush her teeth and just stand there in front of the mirror for 40 minutes not brushing or moving -- completely in her own thoughts.
  7. I agree with the posters before -- it is so hard to let go from the direct advice to the advice when needed role. It is a work in progress! I have learned to bite my tongue a lot. The other issue of the pendulum swinging towards extreme "wokeness" is something I am seeing in my own kids. Despite all their advantages, they seem sometimes to focus more on perceived grievances. The other day when my oldest daughter and I were trying to help her sister with her math homework and dd21 was trying to make light of the difficulty by sharing her own adhd experience with math homework (NEVER EASY) my youngest said that dd21 was using her ADHD to "invalidate dd15's pain". DD21 just laughed at her and told her she was 15 and she'd grow out of it. I would say if your household was a very conservative one for them growing up, they might be differentiating themselves from you. So in that case I would just let it go -- they won't level out by being chastised or criticized for their ideas. Sometimes this age can be still very dramatic. They will figure out what things are emergencies and what isn't. All that being said, what happened wasn't cool, it is an invasion of privacy, and it sounds like something that should be dealt with. But they will have to deal with it, and at this point I would not give advice on ANYTHING unless asked. Protect your relationship and increase the trust. They will learn on their own and maybe faster than with advice they are automatically rejecting from you!
  8. Weird. Those are all things that would happen to my daughter. Her thoughts are so loud that she just doesn't see the stuff around her. Meds make her thoughts quieter so that she can focus on the external better. It's a pretty easy check too. When she first took one dose of Ritalin she knew. She got calm and productive and noticed things around her.
  9. This. I can see a huge difference in my daughter when her meds are working vs not. When they aren't, I might be watching her eat and see food fall and get missed, or see her fingers get messy and she doesn't know. Ive see her carry her key around while she is looking for her keys. When her meds are right her adhd is barely noticeable. She's on on Vyvanse, Strattera and Lexapro. It works. The thing that doesn't work we have found out is sugar. She is very sensitive to sugar (she struggles with sugar cravings) and if she overeats sugar it makes the adhd worse the next day. So the meds can't be as effective as usual.
  10. I am so sorry. I have a pretty severely adhd older daughter but my husband has good EF. She was a mess in middle school and I actually gave up real parenting of her in 10th grade -- she was so strong willed. But since she was so strong willed, she eventually taught herself what to do. Now she's at a point where about 85 percent of the time she can take care of herself well. The other 15 she usually gets out of sync, has bad sleep, eats tons of sugar, and crashes. Then she spends the next few days picking herself up again. These times are getting less and less!
  11. Maybe deep down she knows the dangers of what you are saying, but she doesn't feel capable of enforcing limits? For instance with my oldest, I knew what boundaries I SHOULD be setting, but I had basically given up parenting her because it worsened our relationship. So I let so much of it go to preserve our relationship. Or it could be laziness? Sometimes people choose not to set rules they know they don't want to enforce, but they will give excuses as to why they can't. Screens in the bedroom at night is an example for me -- i gave up on it for my oldest even though she really suffered sleepwise. For the youngers I at first let it go thinking they would be different. It took a long time before I recognized they were suffering too, and finally I made it a rule a few months ago. But I should have done it a year ago.
  12. A lot of very extroverted parents would say they could never homeschool, it sounds so hard and draining. There was so much about public school that was hard and draining, I just have to laugh.
  13. I think the problem that comes in is the fact that some of us are unreliable narrators! For instance my dad is very clearly on the spectrum (and possibly adhd). He definitely stims, his usual mode is anxious watchful waiting, he loves very rigid routines, he hates surprises or change. He is retired now but refuses to do anything like volunteer at the library, offer free tax help (he's an accountant) and get's very thrown off when a restaurant changes the meal they offer on a certain day or complains when a commercial has changed subtly. From all of our viewpoints, his world has contracted since he has retired and it really affects my mom. But if you ask him, he is perfectly fine and happier than ever. Unless he drops his YMCA card and can't find it. Or if he gets a double charge by accident on his credit card. Or the internet goes out when he was doing his morning routine of listening to music while checking his bank balance online. Then it's very stressful and for him it's yet one more instance that needs to be controlled or avoided instead of doing SOME kind of work on anxiety or flexible thinking. He won't be diagnosed and refuses to see anyone for anxiety, and yet both my parents are very clearly anxious disasters who struggle when any obstacle comes up.
  14. That would make sense, as I see that play out with my son, who also has a huge gap between IQ and processing. And the sensory issues are the same for him.
  15. Talking real time to someone who isn't a very close friend is stressful. I have two very close mom friends and I can go for 3 hours non stop talking with them, no problem. When they aren't as close it's a lot harder-- I get very fatigued and my thinking really starts to feel like it's sputtering. It's worse if I am tired already or if there is background noise. I have to concentrate very hard to keep up.
  16. I struggle with this a lot -- a friend has a problem, I dive really deep into it, write way too much about it, suddenly look very officious, and then I get nothing or very little back and I realize I did it again.
  17. I voted no, but adjacent to it, though I did score 32 on the test. My 14 year old son was recently dx'ed. I also have a probably Autistic dad and a mom with extreme anxiety! Fun! Edited: I went into a long boring story but I realized I am just blabbering because i am tired and it's late!
  18. My daughter takes 10 mg of Lexapro and 30 mg of Vyvanse, along with 80 mg of Strattera. She went on them all separately. She has no problems. She is 21.
  19. Yes, he did. He had a group that hung around him a lot, the parents were involved, and these kids always won the challenges for seats and got the solos. My daughter was always confused how she did so badly when she played better than some of the others in the section, and she felt she never did anything right. Which was hard since she has adhd so often gets that message anyway! But she finally figured it out. He used a lot of guilt techniques and shaming, but only to the people he didn't like.
  20. I have heard stories of ballet teachers being borderline abusive. One dancer would flinch when touched during class for a long while after -- certain teachers would hit or slap or wrench dancers into place. My daughter's teachers have been wonderful. My oldest daughter's band director was a narcissist. My daughter knew something was off about him, but the band played such great music and he had a lot of students love him. But she just knew something was off. Band would give her panic attacks and eventually she quit marching band. After she graduated he was run off from the high school and is teaching elementary and middle school band. I fear for those kids.
  21. Well, I will wait and see. They aren't horrible, other than the fact that he started in person school recently and will be going back four days a week next week. And knows no one. And hasn't been in school before since 2nd grade. Lol. It's mainly when he's thinking hard. When he's relaxed, he doesn't have them much.
  22. Well, today he said for the first time that his heart was racing and wondering if it was anxiety -- he was already starting to feel anxious and then he leaned forward at the table on his hand and was like hey, my heart's racing. weird. He has been able to tell these last few months that he is feeling anxious, and he is starting to get better about it. But he also doesn't really know any other feelings, it seems. Just anxious and not anxious! And I DO have the interoception workbook and I keep meaning to use it! AAh. It's been an uptick of all sorts of things -- school going in person (so first time on a school campus since 2nd grade!) and his math and science classes have gotten HARD. So I've been trying to decrease demands in other areas.
  23. I think it's more that she didn't quite believe me about the anxiety -- apparently she was pretty impressed with him and formed an opinion before we talked to her. I think she decided to do something low just to make us happy. I told her that while he doesn't have constant anxiety, he has definite waves of anxiety where he will be ok for a month to three months (fooling us that he no longer has anxiety and is cured yay) and then it will be really bad again. And this has been happening for years. And it's usually around anything related to transition or change.
  24. I am just wondering if anyone who has used Buspar has noticed an increase in facial tics. My son already had some, and i feel like they got worse when we started a low dose of Buspar last week. He is at 5 mg per day (split into two) and supposed to go to 10 next week.
  25. We are doing genetics next month so I will ask about any mutations related to anxiety. It seemed to appear when it was wearing off -- so I gave it in the morning and it was around 6 pm. But he has only been on it for like 5 days. It is supposed to take a few weeks for it to really start working from what the doctor told me. He goes up to the 10 mg on Friday. He has had increasing tics before the meds -- his head would bob down in a jerky fashion. He's had a lot of eye blinking recently (which could be allergies, he is allergic to A LOT). And now it was even more -- like a combination of head and eye twitch. I have never seen a seizure before but it made me think of it. But it was only when he was thinking REALLY hard -- we were playing Dungeons and Dragons and he was the dungeon master so he was trying to basically improv off the page he was reading. ) Plus my oldest was very adhd so it was stressing him out -- she was very impulsive while playing and it seemed to get worse with that. When he is calm it doesn't seem to happen as much. He says his neck and shoulders are constantly sore (gaming and sitting all the time) but we all really have sore shoulders -- it makes us stretch a lot and roll our necks, but not to head bob in a consistent jerky fashion. It freaked me out enough I had to leave for a minute to calm down, but he had no idea, other than he was blinking a lot. His older sister blinked a lot as well in high school and does so less. *I have emailed the doctor to ask as well, but I figured I would get something quicker here! Will cross post on the chat board too.
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