Yeah, it's kind of like ... wait, how can the entire world not agree on this one?! :huh: :laugh: But my brother is sitting here and when I laughed, he asked what about. When I told him your situation and that above-quoted line, he reminded me that we used to poo in the fields all the time when we were kids. I think I blocked that out LOL. So on behalf of Free Poopers everywhere, my apologies. I'm grossed out thinking about it now. Good gravy, now I'm thinking we were lucky to never get hepatitis since we ate from the fields we were pooping in. Just when I get nostalgic for my childhood, there's a sibling to make sure I'm not romanticizing my memories!

That sounds like the perfect gift from him to you :) Happy Birthday! I'm often found doing the same as you. I'll call out: Who wants to be my favorite kid today??! And a few come running. Usually the younger ones LOL since they still don't know any better, bless their hearts. Then I ask them to run upstairs or to the car for me because I'm lazy like that. Every once in awhile, to tick off the also-lazy older kids, I'll ask the Favorite to run to the market and pick up an ice cream cone. It's understood that it's for her or him, not me. That's usually good for getting a better response the next time I ask who's my favorite!

We did, but I honestly think that it's only because we were required to for his job. His employer offered legal services, but we used my cousin's firm. I don't think you're crazy or paranoid, but I don't think it's something that needs to be done before the pee stick dries LOL. Some of us are born planners, others of us need an emergency to put things into action; most of us fall in between.

What about this - instead of going ahead with the guiding or correcting, how about asking if it's wanted? Even better if you can do so without the inference of "I'm perfect because I can do everything perfectly, whereas you're doing this wrong so you must be some kind of idiot" (I think this is how some of them take it, despite that not AT ALL being what we're meaning to say. Intentionally, anyhow.) So, say you're making cookies and you see your child struggling with a task or doing it in a way that's overly involved. Instead of offering concrete guidance or correcting, you offer to give it. Say: Hey, that's one way to stir the batter. Do you want me to show you another way? I saw it on Food Network and can't believe I never thought of it before that. Or: I used to transfer the batter to the tin that way too, then I found an easier method. Wanna see it? Sometimes he'll say yes, other times he'll say no. Either answer will be fine, and he'll take pride in his achievement, because he did it ... not because he did it perfectly (aka Your Way). The trick on your end is to be okay when they decline your offer. I know from experience, this is a delicate dance that takes some practice! Stuff raw cookie dough in your mouth, excuse yourself to the bathroom, or literally bite your tongue and let that feeling pass on by LOL. I think you should focus more on instilling in them the pride of a job done, as opposed to done well. I bet some of the time they do a job, they feel they've done it well. You, in your maturity and vast experience, know it can be done better or differently ... but for where they are, maybe their getting it done WAS done well by their nascent standards. You may be mistaking "job well done" for "job done the way I think it's best done" and while those often be the same thing ... to your kids, it might not always be. That undercuts any efforts you make to instill pride because they're not going to feel pride at having to be told how to do something the "right" way. The opposite could happen, actually. I think some of it, too, is just realizing that KNOWING how to do a job well may sometimes have to be enough. DOING it well 24/7/365 doesn't have to be the bar. So, ... so long as my kid knows how to properly make the bed and will do so when I ask (e.g., if company is coming over or it's Sunday and I want the house neat one day of the week), then so long as it's made the other times, that's acceptable enough. My dad insisted we make our beds, have a clean room, and be dressed/groomed before we left our rooms every morning. I shared a bed with one sister, and a room with five sisters. Quite a challenge getting all six of us out of the bedroom door most mornings! Guess what, of the five of us still alive not one of us makes our bed in the morning. NOT ONE. I have another (older) sister who is still very regimented about her morning routine, and when she visits she'll make "her" bed (the guest bed) then go around the house making the rest of our beds LOL. I do make my bed when I visit her home (still know how!) so that's the standard I transferred to my own brood. Know how, show me intermittently that you still know how, and we'll call it good - no need to prove it every day of your life. Might that work for you, too? To prioritize knowledge/recall over daily proof, with intermittent calls to perform the task to your standard? Not everything has to be done the right way or even the best way. Sometimes it should be enough to just be done at all. No one wants to encourage sloppiness, laziness, or getting by with minimum effort ... but nobody wants to sacrifice relationships on the altar of perfection, either. Right? So to find your balance, ask yourself if it really matters. Will this matter to me, to him, in 10 years? Making cookies or the bed your way, maybe not. Making piano practice and performance a priority, maybe so. Only you know.

We like the mozzarella and tomato panini from Starbucks. We tried re-creating it at home, but it's just not the same ;) The turkey with cranberry sauce sounds good, too! What I like more is calling it a "Coffee House Supper" because who doesn't like anything better with a catchy name? B) We do take media breaks. I try to moderate time, as opposed to feasting-and-fasting, especially with my boys. I've found television to be less an issue than the computer. I'm still unsure if it's their gender, their age, their personalities, something else or a combination of all ... but I've had to limit computer time to the hours between lunch and dinner, for the most part. I can't let them do it too early in the day or it sets the wrong tone for the day. I can't let them do it too late beyond 5pm, because it riles them up. Not necessarily noticeably, but their attitudes are worse and sleep becomes harder to come by if they've been on computers or watching tv once the sun goes down. The few times I've been lax, things have gotten ugly. And by things I mean their attitudes, followed quickly by mine. So our media time generally runs 11am-5pm, and our breaks are the remaining hours. The boys ARE NOT fans, but it's a non-negotiable and eventually (months) they came to accept it. We're about 20 paces from the nearest trail :) The kids walk it for PE most mornings. I keep meaning to join them, but I consider it my "free period" and that's been too hard to give up, even on a gorgeous day!

Three events, excellent job! I have to say that I'm also proud of you. It's hard to drag a kid that age kicking and screaming anywhere, but you held firm in your conviction to provide him an outlet ... and it's paid off in spades. He's found an outlet, plus some talent along the way. And to trust his Mom, even when he doesn't like what she's making him do ;) LOL.

I think the nature of your relationship calls for honesty, I really do. There's so much more at stake than with a normal friendship, since you share a neice. But HOW you are honest is definitely important, and you're absolutely correct that it can do more harm than good. If I were you, I'd play up the fact that she thinks you're uptight and strict. Self-deprecate a bit, for the better good of your relationship. Best if it's done outside of any incident, rather than in the heat of one - for example, when she rings you up for a visit you can honestly but gently say: I'm having a crazy day today. I love you, love your kid, but I can't take the poop thing today, I really just can't. Let's do the park tomorrow, or Mom's night tonight. I would love some one-on-one with you when the kids go to bed. Are you free tonight? Honestly, if you can do that twice for every three invites (suck up the third invite and get the kids together), she should catch on. And if not, it paves the way for a more honest conversation if that needs to happen. I think her parenting philosophy is a nice one, actually. Idealistic in some ways, but commendable in its faults. It's also one that's popular when the kids are younger. IME it can take 5 years or more (if ever) for her to see that she may have swung too far into the babycentric culture (if she has). What's explained away during toddlerhood, preschool, and even the elementary years is sometimes met with disbelief and frustration once the child hits an age wherein the parents feel he ought to behave differently (despite not having been taught). I actually tend to parent much the way your friend does. It's how I was raised by my parents, too. I think the difference is that we were more childcentric at home, but we knew that once we ventured out into The Real World we had to act civilized. It's the difference between dressing for Mass but wearing play clothes around the yard. Being naked and yard-pooping at home, but diapered and toilet-using away from home. Different attitudes (and dress) for different situations. That's where the disconnect is. Either she thinks your home is an extention of hers by virtue of the relationship, or she feels little ones are exempt from social norms of The Real World, or something else entirely - fact is, you're on two different pages. Nobody right, nobody wrong, just different pages. There's no need for that to get in the way of a friendship. Things will even out over the years. You'll find the holes in your own parenting philosophy, as she will hers. Maybe at the same time, maybe at different times. Philosophies are noble, but real life always finds a way of humbling even the most brilliant of us :) You need each other. It might be your turn now to be the one who puts up with her kids, but maybe down the road you'll have cause to rely on her to put up with yours. I've been in your shoes, and this is how I've found the grace to suffer through the phase. And it IS just a phase. People are sometimes worth suffering a mite for, right? I come from a culture that does potty infants, for our own convenience LOL. It was popular in the AP circles when I had my middle kids, but our modern society (lack of extended family, dual-incomes, hyper-extracurriculars etc.) wasn't always the easiest one in which to attempt these methods. I commend the parent who strives for ideals, and tries. The flip side is that some people die on the hills of ideals, never realizing they can tweak an ideal to fit their lifestyle. In a world that's always labeling, and a society that's always looking to fit in, it can become hard to separate one's situation from one's community. I've seen it a lot on these internet forums. You finally find your tribe, so to speak, but instead of making it work for you ... you end up working for IT. That's true whichever end of the parenting spectrum one falls on. She'll figure it out in time. Maybe not on this issue, but in general. We all do. Well, most of us do. Eventually LOL. In your shoes, I'd take advantage of the move to set up a new routine. Instead of meeting weekly, maybe twice monthly with the kids and twice monthly just as moms/adults. Or three times monthly with the kids, and having 1-2 of those times be a public place. You can handle once a month, right? Get it on your calendars as a standing date. And you didn't address it, but given what you write about her I bet she'd be open to you explaining House Rules to her kids. You seem non-threatening, and I'm sure she'd know you had the best of intentions. So I'd take the advice posted earlier about gently, calmly instructing her kids as to house rules re: food, etc. Instead of putting out a bunch of grapes, portion them out. Little annoying things like that to find that middle ground between respecting each of your philosophies. Tell her you're not onboard with the Free Poop thing, and ask how you can support her parenting while {keeping your home hygenic LOL} she's supporting yours, in your own home. Just ask! It's like that thread on the cigarettes, I bet you two could come up with a solution if you let her know what your issues are (aside from being uptight ;) - kidding). Say: I know you're doing your poop thing. I'm a freak about the human poop thing and I can't have poop in my yard or my house. Can we set up a small section of the yard for him with a baby gate? Can we do a cloth diaper while he's here? Can we confine him to the tile area of the kitchen while we sit at the table? What can we do so that my house remains poop-free but he's able to potty-train your way? Brainstorm together. And good luck! Sounds like you have a good foundation - you respect her, even if you disagree with her philosophy. That's an awesome start, especially since I'm sure it's reciprocated.

Here's the thing - she's getting feedback on her personality. She needs to feel comfortable sizing up a situation beforehand, and while there is nothing wrong with that ... there are going to be fallbacks to that choice. Just as there will be benefits. (It being no consolation now, typically this personality develops fewer but deeper friendships. Social butterflies tend to develop a higher number of more superficial friendships. Neither is better or worse, nor mutually exclusive. Each personality generally settles down with what is more comfortable and personally -if subconsciously- desireable.) Fallbacks include not fitting in straight away. Appearing to not be having fun by staying back and observing, or otherwise acting shy. Appearing "too good" (not really snobby, but above things) as a defense against feeling uncomfortable or still evaluating a situation. Appearing bored when really feeling shy. These are things that would absolutely keep her from being invited back. And maybe because they come across as Debbie Downer, but also perhaps because the girls think they're doing her a favor by not subjecting her to their brand of fun. My daughter just got out of the shower and I promised her doughnuts, but I may be back with more. This issue hasn't really come up in my own family because I have almost all boys, and either they don't notice or don't care. But I remember dealing with it as a sibling from my own childhood. All I can think to suggest is to keep inviting girls over. Don't worry about anyone reciprocating (not that you are), just focus first on nurturing relationships. You can observe your daughter during these "hanging out sessions" and see exactly what you're working with. You can get a pulse on her status in the community by paying attention to acceptances, willingness, and frequency of playdates at your house. Using information from those two sources, you can come up with a plan. The plan is to encourage personal growth with respect to her inate personality traits. We can accept our personality tendencies without being enslaved by them. It's not fun, easy, or comfortable but ... especially at her age ... I think she'll agree that it's worth breaking out of her comfort zone in the interest of meeting her emotional need for acceptance among peers (friends). I'd approach this just like a personal inventory. It can feel less criticizing and personal that way. I use the words "people" and "some" rather than "you" and "your ilk" LOL. In the meanwhile, keep inviting girls over - one or two at a time.

In keeping with the water theme, for girls: Lake, Coral, or Spring. For a boy, maybe: Creek, Loch, or Rip. People we know or knew: Prairie and Meadow, Stone, Dune, Rock and Taiga. There's also: Sage, Heath/Heather, Rain/Rainbow, Storm/Stormy, Sky/Skye, and Bud/Blossom.

It sounds like we might be related B) And if not, then at the very least cut from the same Catholic, baseball-lovin' cloth!

Is this part of a normal physical? I don't remember having it checked recently, but maybe my memory is worse than my hearing ;) I do know I'm having some hearing issues. They sound similar to the OP's. Plus I can't hear things behind me very well. People keep thinking I am ignoring them, but truth is most voices don't really register if they're behind me. My daughter is an exception, but she's a squeaky voice. I think I'm missing mid-range sounds, which is what most adults I know seem to have. So what happens when you discover you have lost some hearing? Is it like your eyes going bad - not much you can do to change it, but maybe things you can do to slow the decline?

I voted to leave it be. Human error is part and parcel of the game; of any game, really. It doesn't really matter (to me) if it's on the part of the player, coach, manager, owner, or ump. It doesn't matter to me that there are crooked people involved at every level, because I believe they're the exceptions. I'm patently against exceptions dictating the rule. It annoys me. I tell my sons the same thing when their games are affected by umpire error. Sometimes those errors run in their favor, and sometimes against - it all comes out in the wash, IME and IMO. Besides - it's rare to have one bad call in isolation. What might look like a single bad call (high and inside) could be consistent with how he's been calling them all night. In which case, it behooves the batter to pay attention and adjust his own approach to the ball. It's like playing Scrabble with someone who keeps challenging your words. It takes a game and turns it into no-holds barred war. No thanks, I play and watch cames as a fun escape. If I want battles and challenges, I'll just watch my kids. Or Real Housewives. Four of my sons are little league umps. It gave them a new appreciation and insight LOL. ETA: I didn't like when MLB first decided to allow video replays, but this is about as far as I'd like to see them using it. I wouldn't want them to allow its use for anything more than they already do.

Thirding the suggestion of blackstrap. A few days each week I force myself to eat a breakfast of oatmeal or grits, to which I've added blackstrap molasses. The other days of the week I force myself to drink a cup of hot water (my hematologist took me off of tea, sigh) to which I've added honey and molasses. I drink it before bed. In both cases, and every day even if I've skipped both doses of blackstrap, I chase it all down with Emergen-C mixed into Club Soda. I can't stand citrus juices and the vitamin c pills wreck havoc on my enamel. This is the best way I can get down the vitamin c. I love water and drink mostly water, but the Emergen-C didn't taste good (to me) with still water. So instead of soda, I get my fizzy fix with flavored Emergen-C and Club Soda. I'm currently on a Cranberry-Pomegranate kick. My hematologist also suggested an Orange Julius type beverage before we settled on the Emergen-C alternative. That might be a bit more girl-friendly, too, especially come summer.

I have no clue, so I asked my son. He sighed, and told me to just go get the helmet haircut and a polyester jumpsuit and make it official. Best answer I can give: my internet is fast enough to log into his account and tweet a series of ridiculous and embarassing comments. Now the whole world knows how much he wuvs his mommy. Oh, and Justin Bieber. Any slower would be unacceptable.

This is related to my own pet peeve and related lost art: the signal. If you're all alone on the road, sure - skip it. If you're seeing others on the road, please - consider using it. If you're drifting over into my lane, well - turn it on and at least pretend it was intentional LOL.

Very sweet story, and great reminder that the smaller details really do matter :) My husband would polish his boots every weekend, and without fail he'd always do my grandpa's dress shoes, too. What makes this such a sweet memory for me is that I had no idea until years later when my dad brought it up at grandpa's viewing. My husband was downrange and unable to make it home for the funeral; grandpa's shoes reflected as much ;) LOL. Here's to celebrating wonderful spouses!

Seconding albeto - pathological lying can be an offshoot of OCD, and might explain her lying profile and impulsive stealing. A private hospital would accept her in-patient if you requested it, if only for an overnight evaluation. Since she's not posing any harm to herself or to others, you might be best off avoiding in-patient care; chances are, from my experience, she'll pick up more there than she came in with. Not good. She may begin to identify with the population and either exaggerate her condition or otherwise play it up. Private facilities can be like playgrounds, unfortunately. Have you asked her why she lies? I mean, just a matter-of-fact conversation far removed from any specific incident. I'm curious if she recognizes it or if she's unaware that she's even doing it until the lie is discovered. That alone would give you indication to where you are with her mental and emotional health, and pave the way for selecting the right professional for your situation. It's tough, but again I'll second albeto - you can do this!

I'm Asian, and find this entire thread to be blasphemous. The IDEA of rice that isn't sticky, much less people preferring it? Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together ... mass hysteria!

My only daughter is seven, and she wouldn't recognize danger if it tapped her on the shoulder and handed her a business card. So my answer is coming from the POV of parenting that type of child. Your daughter is older, and maybe less naive. I'd emphasize the "my gut is telling me" side. I'd be very matter-of-fact in telling her that from day one my spidey senses went off and I'm not able (or willing, if that's the case) to explain it any further than that. My gut is warning me, my guardian angel is telling me, Survey Says, ... however you want to word it, it'd be important to me that I convey the trust I have in my instincts. (Which, in your case, have proven to be accurate.) This could lay important groundwork for the future - not just as it pertains to this family should she learn what you know, but also as she develops trust in her own instinct - and yours. I want to echo another poster's sentiment that your daughter may feel you're just being mean ... or her friend's family is misunderstood ... or any other host of justification ... in which case she might not share your understanding of just how important it is that she stay away from the girl's house. By mentioning your gut feelings, she's still young enough that maybe it'll be enough to stop her from shrugging off your concerns - and hopefully more stringently accept and follow them. What a yucky situation for you! And especially with them being neighbors, ... it's hard enough avoiding icky parents from school or extracurriculars, but when they're living right across the street .... oh boy.

I come from a large family. My twin and I are the oldest two of the middle six. We six came in the quickest sucession, so we've always felt ourselves a separate group. The olders were almost a different family, as were the youngers, simply due to the spacing between them and us. I have children the same age as my youngest siblings, and I have aunts the same age as my older siblings. There's just a lot of overlap, and perhaps that's why ... but I've never had a problem with being called to parent my siblings. Nor have I had any issues being parented by my siblings. It wasn't presented as us helping to parent, it was (still is) an expectation that we all are called to look after one another. Full stop. If my sister needed a diaper changed, I changed it. I didn't wait to be asked, nor did I take her to my mother. We spent a lot of time in the trees as kids, but we weren't allowed on the roof. If my brother cimbed onto the roof, I parented him down off from it. Since I was older, and it's our culture to obey an elder, he did. It didn't matter that I'm only 15 months older, and frankly it mightn't have mattered were I younger - my responsibliity to my family is to look out for them, in any capacity. I have a large family of my own. My kids parent each other, and none have expressed an issue with it - even the older ones. And they're not typically shy about expressing issues they have with how I do things IYKWIM LOL. Maybe the difference is that because I have so many and because we ARE so many we're all used to being parented by an older relative (be it sibling or cousin, or younger aunt). So when it's our turn to parent, we're not on a power-high. That coupled with our general family philosophy to look out for one another, and our tendency to assume the best of intentions about each other ... I guess it works for us. I'm glad it does. It's pretty common to my culture, and where I grew up. It's quite obviously NOT common where I currently live. I must live near most of the other posters to this thread LOL.

For a year or two, sure. And I think the preschool years are an ideal time to do so. This would bring me back home full-time right around the time we were gearing up to begin homeschooling the mandatory years (with a year or so gap beforehand in which to adjust or plan, or both, or simply to ease into a new routine.) I'd do it if I thought my husband was experiencing the same stress I remember feeling when my last contract job ended. I'd do it if I had plans to eventually re-enter the field, and if it would be inevitable that I need to take a job at any point in the next 6-10 years. (I'd rather do it during preschool years than elementary years.) I'd do it if, in general, our marriage tended along the lines of shared responsibilities - as opposed to following more traditional roles. I'd do it if my husband didn't understand what goes into being a stay-at-home and/or homeschooling parent, and our marriage might benefit from his walking a mile in those boots IYKWIM. I'd not do it if my husband and I together had no intentions of my returning to my field within 6-10 years (or before my skills become obsolete). I'd not do it if his personality were such that however desireable now, he might eventually resent my being the breadwinner (personality and cultures at play). I'd not do it if our marriage followed a more traditional gender role format, and I'd be pulling a full second-shift after work hours. I'd not do it if my husband were just asking, as opposed to letting me know that he needs my help - and this break. About me, so you know where I'm coming from: I never stopped working to homeschool. My job is flexible enough that I never had to, to the point I've been able to take years off for pregnancy/maternity. At one point I had three kids back to back and was off work for 5 consecutive years. I don't have a financial need to work, so knowing I can quit at any time undoubtedly influences my POV. Like you, my work is contractual for months or years at a time, depending on the job. Knowing there's a definite end, even if it's farther off than I'd like, is what gets me through those rough periods. From experience, the longer the gap .. the harder it was to return to work. Do you plan to have any more children in the next year that you'd be doing the contract work? That matters, too!

I'm a (Catholic) Godmother to several neices and nephews. We place more emphasis on the feast day of the Saint that the kid is named for. Since that's n/a to you, I think it's a lovely idea to recognize the anniversary of her baptism! I always give a small trinket. I think a board book is a great idea, and Tomie de Paolo is a favorite here also. He's a great author for the type of family you describe. My husband's sister is a cultural Catholic, not a churchgoer, and she loves the de Paolo books we send. She tends to be offended by anything "too" Catholic or Christian, but these have always been well-received. She's a Rhetoric professor and picky about books in general, but loves de Paolo. There are enough de Paolo books to get you through elementary years. And then you can switch over to a charm bracelet or something that's easy to add to each year.

Most of my community comes from my family. We're big and always up in each other's business LOL. Church and work, too, some. Also my kids' extracurriculars. I have a wide net of friends (all "levels" of friendship from very close to acquaintance - sp?) from years of shuffling my kids to sports and scouts. I have a big brood so I had to make friends for the sake of logistics and getting every kid to where he needed to be. But really, the people I'm closest to I've chanced upon. I'm a regular fixture at a few places, and I get to know the other regular fixtures and employees :) My homeschoolers and I do Starbucks every Friday after Mass. We see the same people every week, and have a great little Friday Morning Group. There are six of us weeklies and a few more that show up less often. We're an unlikely crew, but that's what makes it kind of fun and interesting. I love Fridays! A few of us have branched off into smaller side relationships as well. Win-win. Community and close friends. But it's not just Starbucks - it can be a gym, a restaurant, the park (walking, cycling), a store. Become a fixture somewhere and your community will reveal itself LOL. The beauty of this approach is that it can be a superficial community if that's all you need (being recognized, friendly wave or short conversation) but has potential to become a deeper community (going the next step and getting to know some of the other fixtures) if that's what you need.

Like others, I wouldn't have tied a "gift" to any expectation of output on the receiver's end. My husband grew up in a family where gifts were usually tied to obligations, and I don't see them as being any better off for it. My kids respectfully but routinely turn down gifts from his parents because there's some hoop to jump through, and they feel it's insulting. I'm not a fan of dangling carrots, but I can see how sometimes it might be necessary or motivational; never, though, in relation to a gift. So yes, my answer is influenced by the fact that this trip was offered as a Christmas gift. Contracts are conditional. Gifts are not. I have kids this age right now (11, 12, 13) plus older kids. This is a frustrating age to parent. It's frustrating to parent ANY age where we feel we're offering great incentives for reasonable expectations .... and the kid doesn't bite. But truthfully, I think it's a kid's prerogative. In effect, you were saying that if she kept her grades up, she'd get a trip. (You probably have reasonable expectations of good grades independent of this trip, but the 12 year old mind, especially once spring weather hits LOL, eventually morphs it into oh, I only have to keep up my grades if I want to go on the trip!) You set the stage that her grades were negotiable (essentially, you entered a contract with her). She's decided she doesn't want the trip badly enough, whether it's because she's lazy about school or her friend mightn't be going or whatever. She may be doing it on purpose, but she generally may not care about her grades at all. It seems that this sentiment is somewhat echoed by the lax expectations of her school. Of my three this age, two attend public middle school and one is doing middle school at home - so I'm familiar with the challenge of home-expectations unsupported by school-expectations. I'd be honest with her, and truthfully - I'd leave the decision re: the trip up to her. I'd say Look, I never should have tied this trip expectations of behavior on your end for many reasons, least of all a gift is a gift, not a contract. But nor are your grades and chores negotiable. We'll definitely be addressing the issues of grades and chores in the very near future, independent of anything else. In the meanwhile, I'm offering a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for you. Despite everything, I'll let you decide whether or not you go on [or have earned] this trip. Don't answer now, think it over. I'll need an answer by [this date]. Start giving her some insight into your frame of mind as a parent. Don't accept an immediate answer, turn this into an exercise where she might mature some by thinking over it. Word it to your family's culture or your preference ("whether or not to go" versus "whether or not you have earned" - though I prefer the former, since it was a gift) and say it sincerely. Mean it sincerely, since hopefully this is a lesson for you as well. But honestly, this would be a great trip. I've done it with my own kids and one son's school did something similar (Boston, NYC). I'm a big believer in this type of learning and seeing what they've studied. It's whets the appetite and is truly worth more (on many levels, not just academically) than digging in heels on the off-chance she thinks this one episode will set some kind of precedence. You seem confident in your parenting style, enough to admit a mistake and not make it again - she should know that about you well enough to know this will be an exception. The main precedence that will set is how to gracefully admit a poor call in judgement, and rectify it. Not a bad thing IMO. I know this from experience LOL. I'm a slower learner, though ;) Your mom may be a bit dramatic about this, but I agree with the poster who said it's probably because she's reflecting on some of her own hard-ass lines ... and realizing maybe they didn't all have to be drawn. Hard decision, here - good luck however you handle it. 12 year olds can be so trying - especially when we feel we're not asking them to hang the moon or cure hunger.

I use MUS, and we do it year-round. We schedule one lesson per week, taking more or less as needed. FWIW, every one of mine struggled towards the end of Gamma up through Epsilon. I'm a big believer in consistency in curriculum, so I try to tweak a current program before abandoning it for a new one. It was also attitude more than ability, so I stuck with MUS. We take roughly 6-7 months to complete a level/book. Then we break for a bit. During those breaks we use the Key To ... series. This is a great, low-pressure refresher for some topics (fractions, decimals) and a more thorough review of other topics (measurement, metric measurement). And then we begin the next MUS level. We don't do Alpha/1st, Beta/2nd, Gamma/3rd, etc. Instead we just keep moving through the levels on a year-round format. This kept us all from comparing apples to oranges against the schooled kids we know. This was important since MUS doesn't follow a tradtional scope and sequence. My 6th graders wrapped up MUS/Pre-Algebra in April. They've been doing Key To ... metric measurement in the weeks since, and will wrap that up in another week. You're not a failure; failure is giving up. You're not doing that. This is a definite bump in the road, though, but all that means is that you're being slowed down. Ignore grade levels, math levels, and just power through each lesson and concept from now until she's done homeschooling. Ignore thoughts of "ahead" or "behind" and just teach the material.