This makes me so sad (CC)

[Janna]

I realize I'm probably going to get some neg. reps for this post, or at the least, I'm going to be argued with. But I know there a lot of wonderful people out there who will understand, or at least sympathize with where I'm coming from. I'm not looking for advice, and I'm not looking for being told that I'm wrong or overprotective to a fault. I'm just sharing here.

 

My dd was recently (over the past year), introduced to Nancy Drew. I made sure that the books she read were the classic versions (which are hard to find, btw), and not the updated, revised versions. I figured that out after getting a ND book from the local library, reading it with dd, and realizing it was not the same as the ones I read (more boyfriend/girlfriend, gossip-type stuff). They were her first mysteries (if you don't count the Boxcar Children, which she's read) and she fell in love with them. So all of a sudden she wanted ND everything. And then she discovered the library had ND PC games. Oh my, there was excitement that day!

 

So she's been playing these PC games and loving them. In fact, they've become a bonding time with her dad because sometimes she gets stumped and he helps her with the clues. So for Christmas, she was given her very own ND PC game from a friend (and Kelly if you're reading this, I don't blame you. You didn't know!). It makes me so sad though because this game, which is now owned by us, it's not like it belongs to the library and we can just take it back, has caused a lot of fear in both dd and ds (who loves to watch her and dad play). We have had to strictly limit the time she spends on this game because she gets worked up and then can't sleep. But tonight, we discovered a room in the game that is filled with mysticism, taro card readings, astrology, Chinese zodiac cards etc. And then we found out that one of the things that has to be done to complete the game is to have a séance. These are so against our beliefs! I'm going to have to take the game away.

 

It just makes me sad because it seems like we are fighting a constant battle against "the world". I know that scripturally, that's exactly what we're doing. But sometimes it's just exhausting. The fact that we home school, the fact that I am passionate about the foods we eat (or I should say don't eat) are more ways where I feel like I'm constantly fighting the "system". Incidentally, Christian or not, these things I would be doing, just because there is so much out there that is concerning from a human standpoint.

 

Anyway, it's hard to find a balance. It's hard to be a parent. It's hard to stand up for things you're against, when so many more are for it.

 

I know dd is going to be upset. I know she is going to wonder why. It's going to be hard to tell her. But then I think of this quote that I recently came across when reading The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. Corrie had asked her father what s*x was, and her father felt she was too young to be told. So in response, he asked her to carry his suitcase for him (they were in a train station). She, puzzled at his response to her question, tried to pick up the suitcase. But she couldn't. "Father, it's too heavy!" she said. “Yes, I know.†said her father. “And the knowledge of the question you have asked is too heavy a load for you too. I will carry this load for you until you are old enough to carry it yourself.â€

 

Knowing my dd is too young to understand the meanings of astrology, fortune telling, taro cards and séances, there is no way I should burden her with that yet.

 

I just have a heavy heart tonight.

[Harriet Vane]

I am in full support of your decision.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Take this in a "rah-rah, go Janna" kind of tone :). We ALL deal with having to say no to our children, christian or not. I don't find it easy either, if it will disappointment them.

 

However, I want to encourage you to explain on some level why you think it is wrong. Find the scriptures that say it. My children respond so much better when there is an explanation given. And then take the time to be sad with her or at least let her be sad. It also helps when they know we understand!!

 

Don't be weary, Janna!!

[Doran]

It is a constant struggle, isn't it? Evidenced by the recent "boy" situation with our young teen, this is only the beginning of many ways which will require you to feel that you've got to go against the tide. We all make different choices. I don't know that I would have the same concerns as you in this case, but that's not important. We must each follow our own moral compasses and teach our children accordingly. The tests will come all along the way. One day, though, before you ever dreamed possible, you will look and see that she's ready to sail on her own. It won't be easy, but it will be what's right for you.

 

((((Janna))))

[Tutor]

I'm sorry Janna. I can empathize with your conflicted feelings of doing what is right while watching the lack of understanding cause hurt to your dd.

 

That is a great story from Corrie Ten Boom. I had never heard it before. Thanks for sharing it.

[Free Indeed]

I think you are making the right decision. That game would be gone around here too. :eek: That said- I would try to explain WHY, and use scripture to back up my reasons. I want my children to KNOW what the Word says about that kind of thing. We are in the trenches with you! :D

[Julpost]

I am right there with you! I think about this almost constantly actually. It's hard to explain these things to children, sometimes I just pray before I say a word and trust that the Holy Spirit will teach them. It's a huge burden lifted when I remember to pray first.

 

I also try to be pretty matter of fact and offer alternatives. Sometimes though, we have to let the facts stand on their own. Like the sorcery, seance thing.....I'd say something like how God makes it pretty clear that He hates that sort of thing, so since we want to honor Him in our family, we are going to steer clear of it. I find it also helps if we provide a ton of good reading. Vision Forum has a lot of great titles for kids (I'm not sure what age your dc are) and I know my 11 yo and 9 yo were into the Left Behind series for quite awhile. My personal struggle is with all of the fantasy written for children. My dc are in ps for now and fantasy for kids seems to be the popular literature choice. It drives me crazy because I just don't see any redeeming value in it whatsoever. It's my own opinion I know, and sometimes I wonder I'm thinking this through clearly. So again, I pray for the faith to trust all of this as well as the dc in His hands.

 

I was at the mall tonight with the kids and it just occurred to me how different our worldview is compared to most other people. Only recently have I become a little more comfortable knowing that as believers, we're supposed to be different - and to count it as a blessing! It is a struggle but I think it would be so much harder for me if I was out in the world all day, everyday. That might be another reason for me to bring the dc back home, but's that's a whole other topic!!

 

I'll pray for you, that He will bring to mind verses that will edify and encourage you. I find that to be the the most helpful of all, when verses will come to mind that reinforce our goal. The struggle is hard but our reward will be great if we persevere. I think that's a great lesson for our dc as well. We should expect that following Gods ways will be difficult at times-we just need to keep our eyes on the reward and talk to Him about our difficulties.

 

I think what's most difficult right now, is realizing so strongly that this life is not what it is all about and wanting others to realize that as clearly. The only thing that helps me keep my sanity is remembering I'm not the one who is going to teach that to others, I have to pray that God will get through to them what I'm only recently starting to realize in a very concrete way. I guess it comes back to lots of praying.

 

I hope this is helpful in some way I'm afraid it's a bit of a rambling mess. It's late, I'm eating my dinner after getting the little ones to bed, and my house looks like a tornado hit it. But I just had to answer your post though because I feel the EXACT same way and in a way, it was encouraging to me to hear you echo my own recent experiences and thoughts.

[HappyGrace]

We too are conservative and careful with what our dc are exposed to. I totally understand your feelings. Dd8 doesn't fully understand why she just can't pick out whatever she wants to read at the library. She read the Amer. Girl books (except Kaya due to the spiritualism) and then we found the Amer. Girl mystery series. I cked through one quickly and it looked okay and let her start reading it. I picked it up that night and really READ it, and there were themes that were not okay (rebelling against the parents to sneak out and foil an ADULT thief who locked them in a cabin. And then it all turns out okay in the end. How would this have turned out in REALITY in this day and age?) And it's just so hard to explain this to a child this age. We've had other incidents come up like this, and we just talk about what the Bible says about these things. I am also careful to show her, whenever I can and it's appropriate, when things come up in my life that I need to make a choice that follows what Jesus would want me to do rather than what the world says is okay in that situation.

 

I remember reading that Corrie Ten Boom anecdote before and I agree completely. Our dc don't have the wisdom and discernment yet to know what is best for them. Now, we do TALK about difficult things and how to make wise choices, etc., when we come across things. I don't completely shelter because I want them to know how to deal with things in a biblical and wise manner while they're under our instruction and care. Just like we also discuss evolution, etc., but in light of God's Word.

 

I was just emailing with a friend about this very thing-how hard it is to constantly be vigilant, and yet never legalistic about it. Doing what is right is very often not the "easy" choice, whether it's from a Christian standpoint or not. It does get so tiring-I totally sympathize with you. Know that you are totally right, especially in this circumstance where there is real evil involved that you do not want to expose your child to. My parents let me read whatever I wanted, and I did go through a phase of reading occult-related things. I am positive that it affected me negatively for years thereafter.

 

"Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lost heart." Gal 6:9 Be encouraged-you are doing a GREAT job!

[grothmama]

Janna, thank you for sharing. dh and I have had to have "us vs. the world" discussion all too often lately. We're in the trenches with you, if it helps at all! Thank you for the quote from Corrie ten Boom.

[JudoMom]

That stinks, Janna. Being a parent is hard sometimes. And thanks for the quote.

[JWSJ]

I've explained to my dc that what they see on television are all lies. (We don't have a TV.)

 

Video games wouldn't be much more to include in with television.

 

I'm not saying all fantasy is bad, but the extent and content acceptance of most people is scary to us.

[Carol in Cal.]

It IS sad.

 

And for what it's worth, I believe that you're doing the right thing.

 

BTW, the old Judy Bolton mysteries are being reintroduced. They were based on true stories, and my recollection is that they were pretty clean. It is said that these are reprints, not updates--so I'm going to try out a couple of them.

[Chris in VA]

Mine is reading the ND series, also. I agree with you taking the game away, and I applaud you for sticking to your beliefs.

A simple explanation should suffice--Maybe something like, "God wants us to trust him, and not try to figure out the future for ourselves. He is so amazing, he already knows everything that will happen. But we aren't always ready to know his plans for us. We can know he is trustworthy, and he loves us so much. He tells us not to fear, and he knows that trying to figure out the future can make us afraid. This game has you playing at trying to figure out the future instead of trusting God, so we can't play it anymore. I know it's so fun, but it doesn't please God. So, let's try to find another game we can play, that honors God, and that won't make you feel afraid."

Then take her out and find something else.

 

Just a suggestion.

[OnTheBrink]

I'm sorry something wholesome and fun your dd enjoys has been made such that it's contrary to your beliefs. I support your taking the game away, even though she's had fun with it. I've had to ban many tv shows due to the same sorts of issues.

 

I was at Barnes and Noble the other day and saw they had a the original ND series, the hardbacks with the original pictures on the covers, alongside the new version. So, try looking there for any additional ND books for your dd.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I agree with all of the posters (and you too!) I think some other's said this too - but I try really hard not to take away things as much as replace them with something better. Is there another of the games that doesn't have the occult in it? Or a board game of some sort? Clue?

[HSMom2One]

Oh how I feel your pain! Our dd 8yo yearns for many things that she can't begin to understand are not good for her. It is so hard to be saying "NO" so often, isn't it? I had forgotten about the Corrie ten Boom story, so I am going to be sure to share it with her at the right time.

 

It is frustrating, tiresome and difficult, but we must persevere!

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Mom to 3 Island Boys]

I LOVE the quote. Thanks so much!

 

I realize I'm probably going to get some neg. reps for this post, or at the least, I'm going to be argued with. But I know there a lot of wonderful people out there who will understand, or at least sympathize with where I'm coming from. I'm not looking for advice, and I'm not looking for being told that I'm wrong or overprotective to a fault. I'm just sharing here.

 

My dd was recently (over the past year), introduced to Nancy Drew. I made sure that the books she read were the classic versions (which are hard to find, btw), and not the updated, revised versions. I figured that out after getting a ND book from the local library, reading it with dd, and realizing it was not the same as the ones I read (more boyfriend/girlfriend, gossip-type stuff). They were her first mysteries (if you don't count the Boxcar Children, which she's read) and she fell in love with them. So all of a sudden she wanted ND everything. And then she discovered the library had ND PC games. Oh my, there was excitement that day!

 

So she's been playing these PC games and loving them. In fact, they've become a bonding time with her dad because sometimes she gets stumped and he helps her with the clues. So for Christmas, she was given her very own ND PC game from a friend (and Kelly if you're reading this, I don't blame you. You didn't know!). It makes me so sad though because this game, which is now owned by us, it's not like it belongs to the library and we can just take it back, has caused a lot of fear in both dd and ds (who loves to watch her and dad play). We have had to strictly limit the time she spends on this game because she gets worked up and then can't sleep. But tonight, we discovered a room in the game that is filled with mysticism, taro card readings, astrology, Chinese zodiac cards etc. And then we found out that one of the things that has to be done to complete the game is to have a séance. These are so against our beliefs! I'm going to have to take the game away.

 

It just makes me sad because it seems like we are fighting a constant battle against "the world". I know that scripturally, that's exactly what we're doing. But sometimes it's just exhausting. The fact that we home school, the fact that I am passionate about the foods we eat (or I should say don't eat) are more ways where I feel like I'm constantly fighting the "system". Incidentally, Christian or not, these things I would be doing, just because there is so much out there that is concerning from a human standpoint.

 

Anyway, it's hard to find a balance. It's hard to be a parent. It's hard to stand up for things you're against, when so many more are for it.

 

I know dd is going to be upset. I know she is going to wonder why. It's going to be hard to tell her. But then I think of this quote that I recently came across when reading The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. Corrie had asked her father what s*x was, and her father felt she was too young to be told. So in response, he asked her to carry his suitcase for him (they were in a train station). She, puzzled at his response to her question, tried to pick up the suitcase. But she couldn't. "Father, it's too heavy!" she said. “Yes, I know.†said her father. “And the knowledge of the question you have asked is too heavy a load for you too. I will carry this load for you until you are old enough to carry it yourself.â€

 

Knowing my dd is too young to understand the meanings of astrology, fortune telling, taro cards and séances, there is no way I should burden her with that yet.

 

I just have a heavy heart tonight.

[GreenKitty]

It is sad. I've been there.

[kdeno]

Mine is reading the ND series, also. I agree with you taking the game away, and I applaud you for sticking to your beliefs.

A simple explanation should suffice--Maybe something like, "God wants us to trust him, and not try to figure out the future for ourselves. He is so amazing, he already knows everything that will happen. But we aren't always ready to know his plans for us. We can know he is trustworthy, and he loves us so much. He tells us not to fear, and he knows that trying to figure out the future can make us afraid. This game has you playing at trying to figure out the future instead of trusting God, so we can't play it anymore. I know it's so fun, but it doesn't please God. So, let's try to find another game we can play, that honors God, and that won't make you feel afraid."

Then take her out and find something else.

 

Just a suggestion.

 

This is so much better than what my tired Mommy brain thinks of. Very wise! IF I could figure out how to give you a rep point I would!!

 

KAti

[mcconnellboys]

I sympathize with you completely. I would remove the game, as well. I don't know how old your daughter is, but perhaps you could give her a very shortened version of the things that concern you about this game. I would also add in the part about it making them afraid (what is it in the game that is doing this?)

 

I talk to my boys constantly about the games they encounter at the library, at the homes of friends, etc. We don't have them in our home, but they still have plenty of contact via the rest of the world - what would I do, keep them home all the time? I think it's good for them to begin to have at least a sketchy idea of all the things they will encounter in the world which are of concern to us.

 

I talk to my children regularly about all the fads of modern times, including tatooing, body piercing, clothing styles, current music trends, etc. I try to counsel moderation in all things and explain my reasoning for any things I disagree with. Ultimately, as they go out on their own, they will have to make their own decisions about the fads they pick up and those they choose to leave alone, but I think it will help them to make an informed decision if we've talked about such subjects at length. The youngest is still too young for me to have anything more than cursory conversations with him, but the oldest and I have very thorough discussions of these topics and others.

 

Parents in all ages have faced these same sorts of things. We are not the first generation to face this, by any means. We think of life in bygone times as simpler than today, and in some ways that is true, but even those eras had their own set of challenges to be faced each day. Why be sad? Rejoice in today, and let your heart be glad. THIS is the day the Lord has made. EACH and every day is a new opportunity for hopefulness. I'm sure she won't be so devastated by this that it leaves a lifelong scar on her, LOL. Why not replace this item with something more appropriate to make up for the lost gift?

 

Regena

[Audrey]

Believe it or not, I empathize with your decision. I've been in the same position many times, encountering things that I feel trangressed our family's values, and having to "just say no" to my ds, who may or not fully understand the "whys" of the decision.

 

Bottom line: as the parent, it's your call, and 9 times out of 10, it's a tough call to have to make.