I need help with waking my 12 yr ds in the morning.

[Rose in BC]

I can't even believe I'm posting this because I am such a routine person and NEVER thought I'd be in this position. The kid can not wake up in the morning and it isn't dependent on when he goes to bed.

 

Before Christmas I was battling him so I decided in light of the flexibility homeschooling allows I'd be flexible (which is not really my personality type) and allow him an extra hour of sleep. So now I would like everyone to be at the breakfast table at 8:30 so we can start school at 9 (as opposed to 7:30 and start school at 8). I think this is the case of you give an inch, they take a mile because now he's whining when I awaken him for 8 o'clock. I like to eat breakfast altogether so this is very annoying.

 

I know teens need more sleep but why can't they go to bed earlier!!

 

I guess what I'm asking is what would be a consequence for him not making it to the table on time and starting school late?

 

I look forward to suggestions.

[Doran]

Buy him a nice new clock radio. Let him set it and let the alarm become the "bad guy". If he sleeps through the alarm, he has to:

 

1. Fix his own breakfast.

2. Pay you by the hour (or lose allowance, or earn money in exchange for chores) for the lost time. Remember hours are handily divided into quarters and halves.

3. Complete the same amount of work for the day, with any independent work getting tacked on at the end of the day so that his tardiness doesn't disrupt your afternoon.

4. Go to bed as many minutes earlier as he overslept that morning.

 

Just some quick thoughts. :)

[Rose in BC]

I am too soft with him and I know this. I like your list of consequences and I'm just going to have toughen up and follow through.

 

This is a part of my own personality that I struggle with. On the one hand I'm cut and dry, routine and not very flexible but on the other hand I have this overwhelming softness that sometimes takes over. I am really working on this because I think he knows (okay I know he knows) I can be a push over.

 

Uhh . . .parenting is so hard sometimes.

[Aggie]

Buy him a nice new clock radio. Let him set it and let the alarm become the "bad guy". If he sleeps through the alarm, he has to:

 

1. Fix his own breakfast.

2. Pay you by the hour (or lose allowance, or earn money in exchange for chores) for the lost time. Remember hours are handily divided into quarters and halves.

3. Complete the same amount of work for the day, with any independent work getting tacked on at the end of the day so that his tardiness doesn't disrupt your afternoon.

4. Go to bed as many minutes earlier as he overslept that morning.

 

Just some quick thoughts. :)

 

I agree!! If he's old enough to stay up late, he's old enough to deal with the consequences.

 

I have to insist my 13yo is in bed by 8:30 and lights out by 9 or she doesn't get enough sleep. Teens do require more sleep, true, but I like our days to start earlier than noon. And since I am the queen, we start when *I* want to start. :001_smile:

[Pamela H in Texas]

The kid can not wake up in the morning and it isn't dependent on when he goes to bed.

 

First off, unless he has a medical issue, he CAN wake up in the morning. He simply chooses not to.

 

And it doesn't matter if it's not dependent on when he goes to bed, but that would be the consequence. Something tells me, he'd figure out how to get up in the morning if his bedtime kept moving back. No 12yo wants to go to bed at 7:30 like a 3yr old!

 

First, I'd set the RULE. Breakfast table at 8:30 (XYand Z done before you get there).

Second, I'd hand him an alarm clock (or two if he needs it). I'd suggest he puts it/them across the room.

Third, I'd tell him his new bedtime which would be pretty early to him so he'd have motivation to work it back up.

Fourth, I'd tell him that if he gets up on time 5 <?> days in a row, he can move it up 30 min. If he can do it another 5 days, he can move it up again. He can earn it to whatever time you decide is reasonable (though *I* don't set a bedtime for my (pre)teens so would let him earn the ability to do "whatever.").

Fifth, I'd be willing to move it back if he consistently STILL won't meet the requirement.

 

One step I'd do before ALL that though....I'd tell him, in the morning, that we're going to sit down at 4pm (or 7pm or whatever) to discuss the morning routine issue. He is welcome to come to the table with a proposal of his own. If he comes up with one, I'd allow him to try that for X amount of time first.

 

Again, unless the kid has a medical issue, he needs 9-10 hours of sleep per night and CAN get up at a reasonable time. MOST kids have to do so. MOST adults have to do so. It is NOT unreasonable to expect your son to do so.

[Gretchen in NJ]

I use some positive and fun time. My girls must get up, get dressed, and due their morning chores by 8:00. If they do, they get to ride their bikes in nice weather for a half hour: 8:00 to 8:30. If they are done before 8:00, great for them since they get even more time to ride.

 

Since it is cold, this morning I used a half hour on the computer. You could pick anything that is your ds favorite activity. One morning, dd9 wanted to read.

[lynn]

I can't even believe I'm posting this because I am such a routine person and NEVER thought I'd be in this position. The kid can not wake up in the morning and it isn't dependent on when he goes to bed.

 

Before Christmas I was battling him so I decided in light of the flexibility homeschooling allows I'd be flexible (which is not really my personality type) and allow him an extra hour of sleep. So now I would like everyone to be at the breakfast table at 8:30 so we can start school at 9 (as opposed to 7:30 and start school at 8). I think this is the case of you give an inch, they take a mile because now he's whining when I awaken him for 8 o'clock. I like to eat breakfast altogether so this is very annoying.

 

I know teens need more sleep but why can't they go to bed earlier!!

 

I guess what I'm asking is what would be a consequence for him not making it to the table on time and starting school late?

 

I look forward to suggestions.

 

Natural consequences, make it his responsibility. First thing, I would stop being his alarm clock and let consequences of choosing to sleep in instead of getting up in a timely manner fall as they may. He'll miss breakfast, in my house kitchen closes at 8A until snack time. He may miss his teaching time with you he'll have to wait on you to get to that and he may have less free time with friends or miss practices because he'll have his schoolwork for the day to complete and perhaps homework to make up etc. He'll quickly get the message to set his alarm clock.

Edited January 21, 2009 by lynn

[Stacy in NJ]

I would set a bedtime for him. Lights out at 10 pm. If he's not able to get up and be ready at the required time, I'd set an earlier bedtime, perhaps 9:30 with lights out. If he's still not able to be ready for school on time, I'd push it back again - 9:00 with lights out. You get the idea. Show him the consequencs of a failure to be ready in the morning. An earlier bedtime is a natural consequence.

[newbie]

Buy one of those moving alarm clocks they run around the room on wheels, and he has to get up to turn it off.

[klmama]

Buy one of those moving alarm clocks they run around the room on wheels, and he has to get up to turn it off.

 

What a riot! I had never heard of this and had to google it. Does anyone have one to know how loud it gets? My ds needs a very loud one, or he'll just block it out.

[newbie]

I just bought a new alarm for dd that is voice activated. We are going to try this one for lil while and if it doesnt work, I am buying the moving one.

[RoughCollie]

We had an alarm clock that had a propeller which flew around the room. The sleeper had to catch or find he propeller and reattach it before the alarm would stop.

 

http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/gadgets/flying-alarm-clock-annoys-you-awake-214396.php

 

Think Geek has it, but their website is offline at the moment.

 

"No one" took it apart and I can find the propeller only at this time.

Edited January 21, 2009 by RoughCollie

[Pamela H in Texas]

My ds needs a very loud one, or he'll just block it out.

 

THAT is a choice...and one I wouldn't allow.

 

Seriously, I put up with my hubby's junk about this topic for TEN years. EVERY morning I woke him up to tell him to turn off the alarm (across the room). Supposedly he never heard it.

 

I would NEVER want my kids to get into this habit especially putting their spouse out like mine did me.

 

It's not been about 5 years and hubby is quite capable of getting up 99% of the time. Once in a blue moon I'll nudge him and even more rarely will have to get angry and forceful. But it's SO much better than EVERY SINGLE MORNING. I can handle once a year. Every day was wearing me down.

 

Anyway, again, a kid can get up if he CHOOSES to. It really is a matter of DECIDING to.

[JFSinIL]

My 12-yr-old dd is the youngest - her older sibs go to public school. I let her sleep until all but AutismTeen is out of the house - 8-8:15am. She is SUPPOSED to be in bed and asleep by 9 at night - usually she is in bed but will stay up reading or writing in her journal for the better part of an hour. Sigh. I still insist she get up when I ask - I most days resort to tickling her ribs or dropping a cat on her or sticking some kibble on her bed and unleashing the Lab on her ;) or leaning over and whispering sweet nothings in her ear.

 

Um, maybe she is staying in bed and waiting for me to wake her up...nah. This kid is a SOUND sleeper and hard to wake-up.

[Rose in BC]

Buy one of those moving alarm clocks they run around the room on wheels, and he has to get up to turn it off.

 

The state of his room. There would be no place for a roaming alarm clock to roam. I can just see the eyes rolling when all of you read this. I'm rolling my own eyes. There are just so many battles that I guess I've been lax on the room cleaning one.

 

I love this child but he is a challenge at times . . .

[lionfamily1999]

My gramma had a pretty cure for this.

 

Take one metal pot, one metal or wooden spoon (the big kind), go into your son's room and "clap" using said pot and spoon instead of your hands. The sound is terrific and nearly impossible to ignore. Joined with a rousing rendition of 'The Robin' and you can make any teenager a morning person.

 

Granted, he may not wake up happy, but when tickling his feet and turning on his light stop working, the pot and spoon will do wonders.

 

My husband's grandfather preferred the "grab a foot and pull" method. Much as it sounds, you grab a foot and pull, until the sleeper is no longer in bed. It works, but can cause injuries and should only be used (IMO) as a last resort.

 

Finally, my dad preferred the 'tear the blankets from the bed' approach, if that was ignored it was followed by the "bowl of icy cold water." The extra consequence being, the sleeper may find themselves in a damp bed for the next night too.

[In The Great White North]

:bigear:

 

More ideas please.

 

Ds is now 17. I've tried lots of incentives/consequences without success. Basically, I can't find something that's worth enough to him, that doesn't punish the rest of the family too.

[Lovedtodeath]

I actually have a hard time bounding out of bed unless the sun wakes me up. Do you plan to get up earlier than the offender? A bright light in the room will wake me up within 30 minutes.

[Ria]

Hmmm...this is a child. A 12-yr old child. At that age, the parent can set a reasonable bedtime and enforce it. The parent can also set a wake-up time and wake the child at that time.

 

There is simply no reason a 12-yr old can't get up when told - the only reason is that the child doesn't want to. My 11 and 12-yr sons get up at 6:30 daily. Their 14 and 16-yr old brothers get up at 6:00.

 

Ria

[battlemaiden]

My 12yo ds is the same. He tends to want to stay up late and is then sluggish in the morning.

 

For a while I would prepare him a cup of tea if he made it to the kitchen before 7:15. Sort of an empathy thing. I like a cup of coffee before people start speaking to me in the morning. I gave him some slack for not really feeling awake.

 

I also close the kitchen at a certain point because we school at the table.

 

I really just wanted to tell you that you are not alone, it is an age thing, don't let it be a mountain to die on, and make it an opportunity for your son to feel understood. Well...that is of course, only my 2 cents.

 

Jo

[battlemaiden]

Hmmm...this is a child. A 12-yr old child. At that age, the parent can set a reasonable bedtime and enforce it. The parent can also set a wake-up time and wake the child at that time.

 

There is simply no reason a 12-yr old can't get up when told - the only reason is that the child doesn't want to. My 11 and 12-yr sons get up at 6:30 daily. Their 14 and 16-yr old brothers get up at 6:00.

 

Ria

 

Hey! I remember you posting that you resorted to a caffiene jolt to get them on this schedule, right? I still remember learning about your cool coffee maker after that post.

 

Whatever it takes. I'm a believer.

[mereadeux]

When I was a teenager my Dad would get SO mad because I would sleep through my alarm and it would wake up the whole house. He even got an old fashioned alarm clock, the one with the bells on top and it metal. I still slept through it even when he put it on my head! The main problem was that I didn't get to bed early enough. I would stay up reading until late at night.

I would talk to him about his bedtime routine, instead of his morning routine. That might be the root of the problem. Teenagers want to stay up later because that equals more freedom to them. Use some of the consequences listed earlier and talk to him about what is really going on.

[Macrina]

OK call this the brainwashed unschooler in me that tries to climb out every once in awhile- (I'll balance the idea with parental common sense, don't worry) but what if he GETS to sleep in BUT only when he has gone to bed at the set bedtime. So you can still feel like he is getting the extra sleep if he does indeed need it. If staying up late is more important to him then sleeping in, then do one of the pp's suggestions as consequence if he's not up when is is suppose to be. Makes sense? For example let's say you want him to go to bed at 9, if he does go to bed at 9 and then sleeps to 9am - so be it, apparently he needed it. If he decides to stay up until 11pm reading, well then sleep isn't as important as we thought and he gets up at the appointed time.

[Ria]

Hey! I remember you posting that you resorted to a caffiene jolt to get them on this schedule, right? I still remember learning about your cool coffee maker after that post.

 

Whatever it takes. I'm a believer.

 

LOL. No caffeine anymore. Public school and the threat of a parent's ire if a child misses the bus works just as well. Tee hee.

 

Ria

[klmama]

Anyway, again, a kid can get up if he CHOOSES to. It really is a matter of DECIDING to.

 

You're right! This boy has always been a very sound sleeper, so I wasn't sure until I asked him. I asked him tonight if he really didn't wake up with the alarm, thus needing a louder one (it isn't very loud, and it turns itself off after 30 seconds), or if he just wasn't choosing to get up. He admitted he just didn't want to get up that early. New ball game tomorrow, my ds! :) Thanks for the encouragement!

[The Governess]

My dad used to wake me up by coming into my room, turning on the lights, yanking off my blankets, and whistling the UCLA fight song. To this day, I can't hear that song without wanting to cover my ears with a pillow. :glare:

 

I like the idea of moving his bedtime forward until he can show you that he has earned the right to stay up later by being on time to breakfast for a week. Good luck! I was a hard-to-wake teenager too; unfortunately, I haven't grown out of it. :001_huh:

[Rose in BC]

I actually have a hard time bounding out of bed unless the sun wakes me up. Do you plan to get up earlier than the offender? A bright light in the room will wake me up within 30 minutes.

 

No one else in the family is a late riser.

[Rose in BC]

My 12yo ds is the same. He tends to want to stay up late and is then sluggish in the morning.

 

For a while I would prepare him a cup of tea if he made it to the kitchen before 7:15. Sort of an empathy thing. I like a cup of coffee before people start speaking to me in the morning. I gave him some slack for not really feeling awake.

 

I also close the kitchen at a certain point because we school at the table.

 

I really just wanted to tell you that you are not alone, it is an age thing, don't let it be a mountain to die on, and make it an opportunity for your son to feel understood. Well...that is of course, only my 2 cents.

 

Jo

 

I very much run a tight ship and honestly this is new territory for me. This child recently moved into his own room (in September) after sharing a room with his brother. This was a good move in many ways but opened up this can of worms. Probably coincidental but non the less up until this point I had no trouble hauling his butt out of bed.

 

Anyway I guess I was also feeling out my expectations and if they're reasonable.

[Lovedtodeath]

No one else in the family is a late riser.

 

My suggestion is to get bright light into his room 1/2 hour before he is expected to wake, and then get him outside for a few minutes at some point before 11AM. Just so the sun is in his eyes, it can be to get the mail, or race around the house. This will help to set his clock to an earlier time, like the rest of you.

 

I am not disagreeing with the other suggestions. I am just saying you might as well set him up for success by adding these suggestions.

[Kay in Cal]

let him sleep.

 

Personally, I can't imagine getting up at 6 am, and I'm the "early riser" in the house. If he's getting his work done, etc, I think one of the great things about homeschooling is that we can all follow our natural body clocks.

 

Teenagers naturally stay up later and sleep later, and some people are just built that way. I can't make my dh be mentally functional before 9am, and his mom is the same way. Routines may be good, but if they don't serve everyone's needs then what is the value of routine? I guess I'd compromise and say 8am is reasonable--many people don't start work until 9am, even if they work full time. I'd use the extra time to do more focused work with the early risers.

[Lovedtodeath]

I guess I'd compromise and say 8am is reasonable--many people don't start work until 9am, even if they work full time. I'd use the extra time to do more focused work with the early risers.

 

She has already done that, and now he won't get up at 8am either.

[Rose in BC]

let him sleep.

 

Personally, I can't imagine getting up at 6 am, and I'm the "early riser" in the house. If he's getting his work done, etc, I think one of the great things about homeschooling is that we can all follow our natural body clocks.

 

Teenagers naturally stay up later and sleep later, and some people are just built that way. I can't make my dh be mentally functional before 9am, and his mom is the same way. Routines may be good, but if they don't serve everyone's needs then what is the value of routine? I guess I'd compromise and say 8am is reasonable--many people don't start work until 9am, even if they work full time. I'd use the extra time to do more focused work with the early risers.

 

I think we've worked out an 8 a.m. wake up time with a 9 a.m. school start time. Hopefully this compromise will work. I will say I know that it is harder to get up on these dark, cold winter days. I'm not completely heartless.:) Just another one of those parenting/family working it out issues.

[Peela]

My 13 and 14yos have both decided that a sign of growing independence and the freedom that maturity brings is....going to bed relaly late and sleeping in really late. Both are allowed to do this when they visit friends, and on a Scout camp recently dd14 stayed up till 3 or 4am every night and got up before 9am so that she would get breakfast which finished at 9. SO when she got home she slept for 15 hours straight and cant seem to go to bed before midnight!

Since its summer holidays here I am flip flopping about whether to be tough or jsut let it be- but dh and I both find it annoying and have started waking her, and her brother for whom this is a very recent habit- at 8am.

 

Our holidays are getting near the end and I feel justified winding in the freedoms that holidays bring so that its not too much of a shock when they have to be up by 7 and starting school by 8!

 

You know, its ok to change your mind- if your son is not better starting an hour later- may as well go back to the earlier time and tell him sorry, it didnt make a difference for him and it's less convenient for you. Then at least if he is late- its not as late in the day.

 

I KNOW my kids need 9 hours sleep minimum, but they can go to bed earlier as far as I am concerned. I do feel mean but its just practical and its what works in this family, because *I* am a morning person and crash in the afternoons, and I run this homeschool!

[Pamela H in Texas]

This boy has always been a very sound sleeper, so I wasn't sure until I asked him. I asked him tonight if he really didn't wake up with the alarm, thus needing a louder one (it isn't very loud, and it turns itself off after 30 seconds), or if he just wasn't choosing to get up.

 

I'm glad y'all found the issue. However, I want to say that even if he didn't "hear" it that that can be retrained (my hubby retrained at about 35yrs old!). It really is a choice even THEN.

 

However, PLEASE get that kid another alarm clock. I can't believe ANY clock goes off after just 30 seconds! My hubby and I would have problems still if that were the case here. Sometimes it takes him a minute or two. Just as hubby was retrained, so was I. I barely hear that thing at all except if I have to get up in the morning :)

[Pamela H in Texas]

I KNOW my kids need 9 hours sleep minimum, but they can go to bed earlier as far as I am concerned. I do feel mean but its just practical and its what works in this family, because *I* am a morning person and crash in the afternoons, and I run this homeschool!

 

This is how I feel about it. I cannot have the household chores wait til afternoon to be done. I cannot function through Algebra, Calculus, Biology, Physics, History, etc later in the day. I need things a certain way. I can be flexible as the OP said, but I'm just not going to be miserable because a kid wants to stay up late.

 

And IRL, the kid is going to manage to get up for that 8am class. They are going to be at work across town at 9am dressed appropriately, able to function with heavy machinery if necessary. The baby is going to need a diaper change at 5:30 a.m. The 4 yr old is going to wet the bed and puke in two rooms that has to be cleaned up before the rest of the kids get up. Life requires us to handle our responsibilities and though we can make it where some of our responsibilities are later in the day, we need to be able to do whatever the boss, wife, school, etc says.

 

And so if the homeschool mom says that the interactive parts of school must be done by X o'clock, then kid needs to be up and moving earlier.

[LaxMom]

THAT is a choice...and one I wouldn't allow.

 

Seriously, I put up with my hubby's junk about this topic for TEN years. EVERY morning I woke him up to tell him to turn off the alarm (across the room). Supposedly he never heard it.

 

I would NEVER want my kids to get into this habit especially putting their spouse out like mine did me.

 

It's not been about 5 years and hubby is quite capable of getting up 99% of the time. Once in a blue moon I'll nudge him and even more rarely will have to get angry and forceful. But it's SO much better than EVERY SINGLE MORNING. I can handle once a year. Every day was wearing me down.

 

Anyway, again, a kid can get up if he CHOOSES to. It really is a matter of DECIDING to.

 

I have to laugh. I am your hubby. I remember waking to the ringing phone because my friend was calling from next door (in the winter, with the windows closed) to tell me to get up and turn off that @!! alarm. :D 20 years later, I naturally wake by 6, though my alarm goes off (and yes, I often still sleep through it) at 5:30.

 

No "training" though, just unrelated lifestyle changes and age. Oh, and a need for an hour or so of quiet before the daily circus begins.

 

*I* am a morning person and crash in the afternoons, and I run this homeschool!

I agree. Being a "morning person", I find the exact same thing happening and it's just practical for the kids to be on the same schedule as me. (She types at 8:45, as her 4 years olds color at the counter and the 7 year old has yet to appear... probably still lying in bed, reading.)

[coralloyd]

A spray bottle of water. Give a little squirt to the face, he'll perk right up :D.

[Rose in BC]

A spray bottle of water. Give a little squirt to the face, he'll perk right up :D.

 

.