battlemaiden Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 comfortably after a battle with leukemia? I don't know them very well. It's heartbreaking. Food seems inappropriate- I don't know why. I can't even wrap my brain around the pain. What can I do to show them support? Would it be appropriate to buy the daughter a gift? I can find out from her neighbor what she likes. I just don't know. My head is spinning. Balance me a little with some BTDT suggestions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 when we brought my fil to his home to die, food was actually a real blessing. We had a house-full of immediate family, and we all had small children, it was wonderful to not worry about cooking meals. Life stopped to wait with him to die, I think going over and doing what needs to be done, like laundry and cleaning would be a blessing too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Rittenhouse Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Bring over a large pot of homemade soup and a bag of hearty bread rolls. This meal can be reheated and eaten by as many or as few as needed at any time of the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in AUS Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Gosh! I think i would cook too. I am sure they will have plenty of visitors and food is always welcomed when someone is unwell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keptwoman Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 when we brought my fil to his home to die, food was actually a real blessing. We had a house-full of immediate family, and we all had small children, it was wonderful to not worry about cooking meals. Life stopped to wait with him to die, I think going over and doing what needs to be done, like laundry and cleaning would be a blessing too. Yes I completely agree. Both with the food and with the laundry. Or weeding the garden or many of the other little tasks that fall by the wayside when caring for a dying family member. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I agree. Food is always appropriate for those who eat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanna Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Yes, bring them a homemade meal (not too big in case you're not the only one with the same idea) and if you bring flowers, make them silk (fake) as some leukemia patients are allergic to real ones. I'm glad you want to reach out to your neighbor in such a difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 The parents still have to eat and probably don't want to leave her side for anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I agree with all the above--food is welcome, cleaning the bathroom, mowing the lawn, folding towels--all those are great. To that I would add, just be there sometimes. A hug, a smile, a quiet presence can be a great comfort. And don't be afraid to talk of 'regular' things or laugh. In my family, at least, that's a requirement for surviving any ordeal. I remember everyone who was in our home in my mom's last days. They kept things running while we focused on my mom. What a blessing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I agree with food and cleaning. I think the soup is a great idea. Another would be to take lots of healthy munchies, in case they aren't doing real meals. Veggies and dip, cheese and crackers, cut up fruit. As for the daughter, maybe a short Netflix subscription if she's up to watching movies or TV shows? You can give people a subscription for just a few months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 What can you do so that they can stay home? I'd politely tell them you are going to the grocery this afternoon and did they need anything at the shopping center? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Bring magazines; they won't be able to concentrate on a book, but to flip through a magazine can help pass the lonely hours. I would agree with food - veggies cut-up, fruit kabobs; cheese cubes etc.. Pray for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I agree. Also the offer to run any errands or being an on call taxi for out of town family would be thoughtful. While food sounds like a simple little thing, it is so hard to hold so much together and remember to eat. Cooking just falls by the wayside. when we brought my fil to his home to die, food was actually a real blessing. We had a house-full of immediate family, and we all had small children, it was wonderful to not worry about cooking meals. Life stopped to wait with him to die, I think going over and doing what needs to be done, like laundry and cleaning would be a blessing too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Wise Bauer Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 A cleaning service? Things pile up in crises. SWB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Offering to shop and cook for them would most likely be a huge blessing. Spend some time with the family talking and laughing. This is a somber time, but many families want there to be joy in the home as the child passes. Be there after she passes also to be a listening ear for the parents. :grouphug: to your neighbor and her family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Food is always welcome. Finger foods are good both for the family and guests. Or ask the mother for some of her favorite family recipes so that they get food they are used to eating. Call before you go to the grocery store or to Walmart, etc. and ask if they'd like you to pick up anything. Offer to clean if you are close to them, but if you're not, give them a gift certificate to a cleaning service. (People are very hesitant to have people they don't know super well clean for them) Offer to take a couple loads of laundry home to do for them. They might need someone to coordinate care. That's a great gift if you are organizationally/administratively gifted. There is a thing online called a care calendar. As coordinator, you can set one up and be the contact person for other who are wanting to help in some way. If they have other kids, invite those kids out for something fun. If their other kids are having birthdays, ask the mother if she would like help planning a party for them. It's really nice for the other kids to have special things in their lives and birthday parties are something that take a lot out of a mom during normal times, let alone when mom's focus is elsewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 You have got some wonderful suggestions. I may have missed this, but I don't think I saw flowers -- not cut flowers, but something natural, like a pot of forced narcissi or crocuses. Maybe a very soft, light throw (is that the word for a small blanket?) or a little bolster/boudoir pillow. Some boxes or bottles of really good juices, like pineapple or peach. These were all thing that were appreciated by people I've known who were in that situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 You are very kind to want to help out. Taking something over for them to cook at a later time might seem helpful, but there are times when even that is too much. I think I would go with the finger foods or sandwich supplies and maybe some beverages..juice..bottles of water..fruit, etc. Also consider bringing over a supply of paper goods like plates, silverware, cups, napkins..possibly even toilet paper and Kleenex. When my FIL died someone brought over a huge and I mean huge box of paper goods and it was wonderful since most of us traveled from out of state and were there for over a week. I have since given this to friends when they are going thru a funeral and it has been most appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I think food is the safest bet as a gift for the child might just remind everyone that she won't be able to enjoy it much longer. :( What a heartbreaking situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mo2 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Food or help with household chores. They have much more important things to do with their time right now than cook and clean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Yard care. Since you don't know them well, I'm not sure how they would feel about you cleaning the inside of their house, but you could always offer. Food could be a big help, but I'd be more inclined to do freezer meals, just in case you are not the only one making them meals. Airport taxi is a good idea. I just can't imagine what they are going through. Do they have other kids? If so, I'd offer to help with them too. You are a good neighbor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula in MS Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I know you said that you don't know them very well, but if you get to know them better, I would suggest offering to sit with the daughter while they get out of the house. They may have personal errands that they need to run themselves. Even an hour may be a huge blessing. The last couple of months before my first husband died, I could not leave the house at all unless someone came in to sit with him. Sometimes, you just need to get away, KWIM? Even if it is to just run a short errand. Paula Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doran Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I would make a note to yourself to be in touch with this family regularly after the daughter dies. Grieving death takes a long time, and people seem to be very attentive in the days and weeks just preceding and immediately following. But, then, life "gets back to normal" and people no longer call or stop by. They will be honored by your continued concern in the months that come long after her death. For now, I think whatever you can think of offering would be appreciated. Food, errands, sitting, a simple book of poetry or perhaps a dvd of something funny. It all helps them know you care. I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs. Readsalot Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Taking a meal to them will be appreciated. My go to meal for families in crisis is Meatballs in sauce, a large bag of shredded cheese and a large pack of rolls. You can heat just as much as you want and it makes a fast and warm meal. Comfort food. Offer to run errands...I often go to the drugstore to pick up prescriptions for neighbors would can't get out. The really appreciate it. Do they have other children...offer to spend time with them so they can spend more time with their daughter. Your concern for them is very thoughtful and I am sure a wonderful blessing in itself. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katalaska Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 When my father passed away, people brought food. That was great, but there were a few standouts for me. 1. PAPER PRODUCTS...plastic cutlery (the nice stuff, not the cheap kind that bends or breaks), napkins, plates, bowls, cups... I would add a permanent marker or two so if people wanted they could write their name on a cup. Paper towels and toilet paper would also be nice if they have a lot of extra houseguests. Maybe even some Clorox or other disinfecting wipes to help with cleanup. 2. BREAKFAST foods. I remember this so much...lunch/dinner/supper food and/or dessert seem to be what people think of, but I remember so well that we had food for breakfast. Fresh (but pre-cut) fruit, boxed cereals, half-gallons of milk, juices that didn't have to be mixed or refrigerated until after they were open, eggs, frozen hash brown patties, freezer waffles or pancakes that could just be put in the toaster, a variety of syrups, boxes of the instant-packet type of oatmeal, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akmommy Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 (edited) You have gotten may great ideas but I just wanted to second the yard care. When my grandfather was nearing the end it was November and snowing almost every day. A neighbor came over every morning and made sure the walkways were shoveled and ice free. He never said a word, but just came, did his thing and left. It was such a small thing, but a huge to blessing to us. Edited January 16, 2009 by akmommy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
battlemaiden Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 I have read all the replies. Thank you *all* so much. I'm waiting to talk to their direct neighbor for some more clues to their needs. In the meantime, I'm going to bake some french bread. I think the idea of a paper product basket is useful no matter what- I will go get the "good stuff" in paper plates today. You helped me to focus with all your suggestions. I'm very grateful for every response. The little girl's name is Elikia. Jo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cottage Mom Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 A small trinket box with a pink ribbon to save a lock of her hair or plaster mold kit for making a hand imprint. Depending on their daughters age, I would not give these to parents in front of their little girl. Our youngest son had leukemia, when he passed away we saved a lock of his hair and made a mold of his hand. If you feel those are too personal, quick meals would be helpful. Maybe a coloring book & crayons, puzzles, playdough or a dvd for her or siblings. A childrens book w/cd might be nice for her and family to listen to together. Monti Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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