Young Adult Son Moving to Houston—Need Advice!

[caayenne]

My DS22 is graduating from college in two weeks 🥳, and he just landed a paid research internship at the University of Houston! Which is amazing, but to be very honest, I'm pretty anxious about him moving to the fourth largest city in the country alone. 😲 He lived at home for college to save money, and he's on the spectrum, so he was pretty comfortable having a safe home base and just gradually spreading his wings over the past four years. He's very high-functioning and responsible and has held a job for the past year, so I'm not super worried about him paying bills, getting to work on time, or things like that. But Houston appears to be a very, very urban city (and I've read the horror stories about car break-ins and muggings), and I'm just having trouble wrapping my brain around the concept of my sweet Aspie guy toughing it out in the big city without family or a group of friends. I've gotten very little sleep in the past few nights (less than three hours per night), as my brain is actively worrying and won't let me sleep.

DS bought a brand new car (Toyota Corolla Hybrid) In January before he had any thought about applying for this internship, and we're all nervous about finding a safe parking situation.  He was really hoping to find a roommate (safety in numbers + lower expenses), and if he could split the rent with someone, he could get potentially into a much nicer apartment complex with secured parking. (I've since learned that there may really be no such thing in Houston, as there has been a major increase in car vandalism, mostly in apartment parking lots and parking garages. Apparently they smash all the windows in with golf clubs, supposedly to search the cars for weapons. 😒) But we're striking out in finding a roommate of any kind, let alone one that might be a good fit for DS to live comfortably with. 

So that's my first question: would you encourage your child to continue pursuing a roommate in this scenario if it meant they might end up living with a complete stranger, or would you just help them find the safest solo living situation you could?

And my other question: which of these scenarios seems like the safest (or best) choice to you?

1) Living in an apartment (1 bed/1 bath) in a community that's known to be safe with a gated entrance (but one where the reviews say that the gate is often broken or left open by the residents). These apartments are a moderate distance away from the university (16 minute commute), and there would be many other residents living on the property (300+), so there could be an element of safety in numbers?

2) Living in a slightly less expensive, privately-owned condo (2 bed/ 2 bath) in a similarly safe neighborhood but with no security gate—gambling on the idea that a smaller community is less likely to be targeted by these individuals. This condo is farther away (22 minute commute). There would be three other residents on the property. This is the only scenario where a roommate might be able to be added to share the space/expenses , but that would be up to the landlord.

3) Living in a more expensive condo (1 bed/ 1 bath) in a similarly safe neighborhood with a private parking garage. This condo is the closest to the university (less than 15 minute commute). There would be eight other residents on the property.

4) Living in a similarly (to choice two) priced condo in a similarly safe neighborhood with a gated entrance with a security guard. This condo is around a 16 minute commute to the university, and there would be a moderate number of residents on the property (probably 50-80).

We haven't seen any of these in person yet, but they all look like good possible prospects, and we will be going down to Houston next weekend to see them. (There is the possibility that we could go this Sunday if we needed to view something sooner, but we'd have to do the drive there and back (so at least 9 hours) in one day, with just a couple of hours to view places. And we couldn't see the apartment, because they're closed on Sundays.) DS is very much on board with us helping him make this decision.

Can you help me think this through, and do you have any words of wisdom for me on how to frame this situation in my mind so that I can get some much needed sleep?

Edited April 27 by caayenne

[Rosie_0801]

Housemates can be great for company and helping you transition to a new place. And they can be annoying people who are okay with mouse dirt all over the dishes and let their boyfriends eat your food. I live alone and it sucks, and I'd rather live alone than return to my house sharing with strangers days.

Eventually you have to learn to detach because when they move out because there's nothing you can do to control anything. I'm saying that as an Aspie someone who has been empty nesting since my eldest Aspie was 9, so I am quite aware that that is easier said than done and takes a lot of practice.

[Indigo Blue]

My son lived in Houston after college for his first (and only so far) job. He lived in three different apartments complexes, all gated. He never had any trouble at all. He didn’t have a roommate. 
 

Now, having said that we of course all  know that Houston can be unsafe. But there is that…my son had no bad experiences. He was there for maybe  five years or more. 
 

What about other interns? Could he arrange to room with another intern where he will be working? Yes, the intern will be a stranger, but an intern would very much likely be a safe bet for a roommate. There may be one hoping for a roommate situation just like your son. 
 

I think all of your living arrangements sound pretty safe…as safe as you can get for Houston. They sound pretty secure and in nicer areas. These are the types of areas where ds choose to live, and he did fine. He moved twice, to different apartment complexes. 
 

I’ve never asked him about this, but I did notice he always choose the upper floors instead of ground level. Not sure if it was for safety, but that’s what he did.

[TheReader]

If possible I'd talk to people in the area(s) and see if the commute time is realistic during rush hour; if you can't talk to people, I'd check Google Maps during the rush hour to/from to check the times (mapping the route from the various addresses to his job) - around whatever times his start/end times are. 

that said, I'd also not focus on the horror stories. Yes, there's crime, but....also, there's a lot of not crime. It just doesn't make the news, ya know? 

If he can afford any of the options w/o a roommate, I'd just look at them and figure out which one you guys like best; I'd probably personally lean towards the 4th option just based on what you wrote here, but w/o seeing them, knowing what area of town, etc., it's just a guess. 

Encourage him to find a church family, or other social outlet, where he might meet like-minded people (whatever thing it is that will be a connection for him). That will help him settle in; most of all, relax (I know it's hard! Parent of a young adult, not yet launched, not dx'ed Aspie as well). Houston isn't as bad as the news sometimes makes it sound. 

[Miss Tick]

3 minutes ago, TheReader said:

, I'd check Google Maps during the rush hour to/from to check the times (mapping the route from the various addresses to his job)

This is a good idea, and you don't have to wait until it is actually rush hour to check it. Ask Google maps to route you from the apartment to his office, then click the 3 dots by the start address. One of the options that's comes up on the list is "set depart or arrive time". You can choose and it will return estimated  trip durations.

[Bootsie]

Will there be any other interns that he could see about sharing an apartment with?  I would reach out to the department and see if they know of anyone looking for a roommate or if they have a communication network on which a roommate request can be posted.  Many universities will have some electronic bulletin board where those affiliated with the university (perhaps a grad student) can post things like this.  Also, they may have some ideas of areas where previous interns have lived.  If there isn't someone he kind find through a university or some other network with which he has an affiliation (sports interest, church, etc.) I would favor living alone than finding a random person to live with. 

Is the internship for any set length of time?  That might impact the type of living situaiton to look for.

Bad things can happen in Houston, just like any place else.  But, many people go about their business day-to-day with no issues.  My cousin has a condo near the University of Houston and has never had a problem.  I have gone to a number of conferences and stayed in a number of hotels within 15 minutes of the campus and never had an issue.  I don't want to live in that large of a city, but if I were going to Houston would be a city I would prefer.

I would check and see what the traffic is actually like from the various apartments/condos.  Is it 15 minutes of side streets?  Or is it mostly highway driving?  Does the commute vary greatly by time of day?

[Harriet Vane]

Just briefly—

I would lean strongly towards options closer to campus. He is more likely to find friends if he stays IN the university bubble.

I grew up in the Chicago area and lived in the city itself in a terrible neighborhood for many years. I have close relatives who relocated from Chicago to Houston and who have been happy and comfortable in an apartment there for more than a decade. Don’t let the horror stories overwhelm—city culture is vibrant and human. 

The key is to join stuff (school or church or athletics or hobby) to get to know people. 

[City Mouse]

I lived in the Houston area (and graduated from UH a long time ago) for 35 years but never in a gated neighborhood or gated apartment complex. I did have stuff stolen out of cars when I forgot to lock the car door, but never experienced any crime beyond that. (Not saying it never happens, but I don’t think it is anymore likely to happen in Houston that other cities) Just need to follow standard safety precautions. 

Traffic is terrible at times, so the suggestion above to check the commute time during rush hour(s) is a good idea. What takes 15 min at a lower traffic time can take 3 time that during rush hours. 

[Bambam]

I think living alone at first would be best. If he could swing a two bedroom alone, I would do that, and if he meets someone that would be a comparable roommate, then set that up then. 

Check with the google map to see if the commute times are the rush hour commute times (assuming he would travel at that time). I thought the traffic was better than DFW but that could be because I knew my way around town and would jump off and take backroads. I imagine since GoogleMaps exists, everyone can do this now. 

I'm assuming you have checked with the interactive crime map to check your safety ratings. Very important. UofH isn't one of the safest areas in town. 

We lived in Houston for years, and my youngest and her DH are looking at various places this weekend as they prepare to move there. I'm not really concerned because they learned about safe places/crime maps with an AirBnB experience. 

Some other things to think about:
  - Houston in the summer at least once will get a huge rainfall in a short period of time = flooding, If possible, look at the routes to/from work and living to make sure they aren't real low/along bayous (aka drainage ditches mostly IMHO).  Ask folks if that area regularly floods. 
  - Houston does get hurricanes through there sometime. Make sure he knows to have basic supplies (water, non perishable food, etc) just in case, keep car filled with gas during hurricane season (normally I'm fine with the red light on, but in summer if there is a hurricane in the gulf, I didn't let my tank get below 1/2), pay attention to weather. 
   - Depending upon where he lives/will be traveling to - consider getting an EZTag (toll tag) for his car. So much easier. Free, so why not? 

[Tree Frog]

30 minutes ago, Bambam said:

Depending upon where he lives/will be traveling to - consider getting an EZTag (toll tag) for his car. So much easier. Free, so why not? 

The tag is free, but the tolls aren't. I agree with this advice, though. We visited our dd, thought we were using the hov lane, but received a bill later for using the toll lane. It was dropped because it was the first time it happened, but it's a steep charge if you use the toll road without the easy pass.

My dd lived in Houston for 4 years during med school in 2 different places, both with roommates. One was a gated community close enough to walk to NRG stadium, but not in a better part of town. The second place was a non gated townhouse where she sometimes needed to park on the street. Her vehicle was never broken into. She loved the diversity of living in Houston.

I hope your ds is able to find someplace you're both comfortable with.

Edited April 27 by Tree Frog

[Bambam]

23 minutes ago, Tree Frog said:

The tag is free, but the tolls aren't. I agree with this advice, though. We visited our dd, thought we were using the hov lane, but received a bill later for using the toll lane. It was dropped because it was the first time it happened, but it's a steep charge if you use the toll road without the easy pass.

 

Yes, sorry, the toll tag is free but the tolls most certainly are not. I know in DFW, your tolls with a tag are about half-price of those vehicles with no toll tags. I believe it is a discount in Houston for toll tag users, but not that much. 

[chiguirre]

As a previous poster said, U of H is in a poorer area, but by no means the worst. I've lived in Houston for 20 years (in an incorporated burb, but I spend a lot of time in the theater and museum districts and go to lots of sporting events). I always try to park on the street because it's free after 6 pm and I've never had my car broken into. Obviously, don't leave anything visible in the car. I'd also say that a hybrid Corolla is not the demographic that will have an unsecured fire arm in the glove compartment. If he had a pickup, I'd be more worried. 

@Bambam's right about looking out for flood zones. In general, during Harvey, most second floor apartments didn't flood. So if you can, I'd avoid a ground floor. Houston's far enough north to not be in mandatory evacuation zones. Hunkering down sucks, but it's infinitely better than trying to outrun a storm in a 24 hour traffic jam. 

There's a lot to do in Houston, especially if you live near U of H and everything is a quick hop. First off, U of H has a ton of activities for students. There are the Coog's basketball and all the free or cheap performances by students in the art and music schools. There's an on campus museum. In the wider city, there are cheap seats for Astros, Rockets and Dynamo games. We even got $50 tickets to a Texans game this year. We have excellent museums with free days. There is so much good food, lots of it in inexpensive strip mall places. There are street festivals and Art Cars. There are bike paths and canoe rentals. There are free shows at the Miller Outdoor Theater. There are huge student discounts for the Houston Grand Opera, Houston Ballet, Alley Theatre, Houston Symphony, Mercury Baroque, Bach Society, Main Street Theater, MATCH (a theater/music venue for smaller groups). There is so much to do here, if you get out and experience it, you'll never be bored.

[livetoread]

I have a close friend who lived in Houston for decades and flooding was her biggest concern. I'd be considering elevation along with safety, and like others said, have a plan. Hurricaines aside, the city is flat and poorly zoned, and street flooding is very common. I have a relative who lived in Houston too, and while his apartment was fine, his car parked on the street got water damage from a flood.

[Beth S]

I'm just going to suggest he ask about housing for interns. 
It may have already been suggested.

My kids have lived with strangers-as-roommates, but they were also fellow interns.
Never had a problem.
The interns housing is usually conveniently located near their work location.

(And maybe he'd consider selling his car.  The insurance may skyrocket....)
He may be able to walk to work, & it would reduce his challenges in the new location.
(Using Uber, friends, mass transit for rides.)

Edited April 27 by Beth S

[Bambam]

2 hours ago, livetoread said:

<snip> Hurricaines aside, the city is flat and poorly zoned, and street flooding is very common. I have a relative who lived in Houston too, and while his apartment was fine, his car parked on the street got water damage from a flood.

Actually, I don't think zoning is really a thing in Houston. You will see when you drive through - housing, fast food, another house, law office, etc. Anything and anywhere.  But that random nature is also fun. Wonderful thrift shops, great variety of ethnic food (plus some very interesting shopping), great museums, cultural events, and pretty much whatever hobby you have, you can find groups for (except things like Mountain climbing). 

Be aware there are fire ants. He should look them up if he doesn't know about them. Sometimes folks who aren't familiar really get many, many bad bites at one time before they realize what is going on. They are easy to avoid, but in dry spells, they will come into your house. 

Ground can be very soupy too. When I first walked across the very wet and soggy grass at UofH, I almost lost a shoe. I'd advise to sticking to sidewalks if there has been a lot of rain. 

[catz]

I'd follow his lead on roommate if he can afford what he is looking at.  I have a recent new grad who got his own apartment and is happy as a clam.  He is not aspie, but he is quirky/nerdy.  He is doing social things and having people over.  He also just got a kitty cat. 😻

I would also encourage being as close as possible to campus (without living among the youngest undergrads if possible).  Like preferably within walking or at least transit distance.  If he is leaning toward roommates, looking at grad students looking for roommates may be a good direction or dig around for where grad students might chose to live for this campus.

I'd try to find at least semi-secure parking if possible.  Especially if he could love somewhere he wouldn't need his car day to day.  If he has to drive into campus, parking may be super expensive?  It is on all the urban campuses near us and getting permits may be subject to lottery, etc. Or maybe the car wouldn't even be needed which could open more options?

Edited April 27 by catz

[Amethyst]

If possible, get limited-access type housing where you access your apartment through a hallway. Strangers can’t walk up to your front door. Security gate. The more security measures the better. 
 

Parking garage attached to the building (not across the street) is the best if you can get it. 
 

When our oldest went many states away for the first time, we had him get a 2 bedroom so we could visit often. We supplemented his rent so we would have a place to stay. We did visit quite often. 
 

 

[livetoread]

6 hours ago, Bambam said:

Actually, I don't think zoning is really a thing in Houston.

Ha! My friend and her husband ended up moving after living most of their lives there. My friend said she watched them build willy nilly anywhere, including flood plains, and they decided they didn't want to stick around to see how that worked out in the age of climate change.

[KungFuPanda]

Can he rent an efficiency unit near campus so he’ll have a really short commute? There must be off campus complexes where students/grad students generally rent. That’ll give him time to learn the neighborhoods and meet people his age. Then, when his lease is up he might know someone who would be a good roommate and where he’d prefer to live. I wouldn’t stress about the crime rate. The odds are in his favor that nothing will ever happen. If it does, insurance will deal with it and he’ll handle it and move one. I’ve lived between dc and Baltimore for 25 years and parked frequently in both cities. Nothing has ever happened.