That is all

[TexasProud]

49 minutes ago, Clarita said:

Read the book https://www.amazon.com/Peak-Secrets-New-Science-Expertise/dp/0544947223/ref=sr_1_4?crid=223ZNI8RZ16G1&keywords=Peak&qid=1693263978&sprefix=peak+%2Caps%2C174&sr=8-4.

You can be what you want to be. Now, like you've said you have all the time in the world to do it, own that. This book will tell you what it takes to maybe get there. Stop wishing and decide whether you want to really pursue things or not, with a realistic view of how much sacrifice, time, and energy it's going to take. 

But that is the other thing.  I mean I don't really have a desire to write a book. Plus, recently I have been struck by just how many books are out there.  So many.  You look at book sales and so many books.  The market is just so glutted and half of those books are terrible. And how many more books do we NEED? Who remembers even 5 books from 30 years ago out of the THOUSANDS that were published?  The truth is I am not smart enough to write a deep book with brand-new concepts.  I am just now.  Nothing I think about is truly deep or original.  it just isn't.   

I just made the comment about that is the kind of writer I would like to be just like you say, if I could be a singer, I would be like x. 

I have never had a deep inner drive to be a writer. As I said before, it is more a part of figuring things out. 

[Spryte]

4 hours ago, TexasProud said:

 

No.  The good feelings ONLY came with the comments I received after the performance.  Truth be told, I adore practicing music.  I love singing and imaging myself to be in front of a large crowd, but actually doing it I screw up so badly (unless I am in a group performance.  I do fine like with a solo in a musical. I do not do well singing the special music song with no one around me.).  But I feel best when everyone comes up to me afterwards.  I know.  I know.  That is vain.  But that is the honest truth.

For the writing, it isn't so much that I "enjoy" the writing. it is more like it has to be written and/or I NEED to write it to figure out what I think.  But I enjoy it when someone else comes up to me to say something. 

Yes, that is better.  I have a lot of "pleasant" days.  I have almost no fantastic days, which is what I want.  Well... that isn't fair.  Maybe I would just like to be able to enjoy the "pleasant" days.  And I get tired of "life." I just need to be ok with "life."  With planning a fun get-to-gether with friends over the weekend and instead they are driving because one of their parents was in a horrible car wreck and we are taking everything out of our closet because we have a leak...  Looks like they will have to tear up the slab to get to it....

But that is just life. But it feels like every time I actually plan something fun or am REALLY looking forward to something, things happen.  And yeah,,,  I feel horribly guilty because I should care SO much more about my friend and her mom. Which I do. I just don't know how NOT to care about me, which is what life seems to require. 

 

I rarely reply to your posts, Texas, but read and care. Something you said today really jumped out at me.

Re: the bolded. I am so sorry that you feel that way. My oldest feels the same way, and he has said almost the same words. He is very like you, actually, according to your posts.

His baseline normal is a few steps below most people’s baseline normal, so an up, “fantastic” day for him feels at best like a normal day to me. Since his baseline is low anyway, his dips into down days, or depression, are pretty painful. He is prone to ruminating in the down times. He is Bipolar II, and does not have manic, up periods. But more like down, depressed, ruminating times interspersed with productive, busy, normal looking times. His doc says his ups are like many people’s “normal” and so it doesn’t look like he’s manic, just normal. The usual antidepressants out there make him much, much worse. 

I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry you’re feeling the way you are, and I’m sending good energy and many hopes that you feel the way you want to feel soon.

 

[Rosie_0801]

22 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

I have never had a deep inner drive to be a writer. As I said before, it is more a part of figuring things out. 

I think that's how 'I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki' got written.
 

[TexasProud]

I am sure part of the way I am feeling is due to a lot of stuff that is normal:  year anniversary of mom's death.  Plus, you know they put me on steroids for my back about the same time I came down with a bad cold. Yes, I tested twice for Covid, both times normal.  Cold is gone. I have one more day of the prednisone.  I don't sleep that well on it, but at the same time am very, very tired.  So, yeah..... 

Edited August 29, 2023 by TexasProud

[fairfarmhand]

3 hours ago, regentrude said:

Because every act of kindness, every word of truth, every creative work, every moment of sincere joy, every chore  you give your full attention are contributing to the sum of good in the universe. As a Christian, you would call it "to the glory of God".  

I think about a “jar of love” 

my mother spooned from her jar of love to me. She got her jar of love from her own mother, my grandmother. That love was shared generation after generation. Sometimes the mother didn’t have much and so a sweet auntie or neighbor stepped in and dipped from her jar of love to those who needed it. 
As a Christian, I believe that god is the source of all love so as it got all passed out here on earth, he kept refilling the jars like he did for the widow in the Bible with the oil.

That love matters right now to all we meet but also to those who come behind us. Whether or not they know our names or even if they existed.

 

whimsical? Maybe. But it makes me feel so close to my mother and grandmother who are both gone. I’m dipping from my jar of love little bits of the love they gave to me. And my grandson gets to experience their love through me.

[TexasProud]

On 8/28/2023 at 8:11 PM, fairfarmhand said:

I think about a “jar of love” 

my mother spooned from her jar of love to me. She got her jar of love from her own mother, my grandmother. That love was shared generation after generation. Sometimes the mother didn’t have much and so a sweet auntie or neighbor stepped in and dipped from her jar of love to those who needed it. 
As a Christian, I believe that god is the source of all love so as it got all passed out here on earth, he kept refilling the jars like he did for the widow in the Bible with the oil.

That love matters right now to all we meet but also to those who come behind us. Whether or not they know our names or even if they existed.

 

whimsical? Maybe. But it makes me feel so close to my mother and grandmother who are both gone. I’m dipping from my jar of love little bits of the love they gave to me. And my grandson gets to experience their love through me.

Yes, reminds me of one of the pieces I wrote about a day I spent with one of the sweet saints in our church.

 

Edited September 1, 2023 by TexasProud

[fairfarmhand]

Just now, TexasProud said:

Yes, reminds me of one of the pieces I wrote a day I spent with one of the sweet saints in our church.

Moving Day

 

Relatives bustle around the small apartment. Grief masked by annoyance. Packing paper placed around memories.

He sits, in the chair—decisions made around him. “We got that in England on our 25^th anniversary,” he says, pointing to the ornate clock and candelabras.

 He looks off in the distance, “We’ve only been able to be together ten days over the last year.”

I think about all the times I saw him tenderly helping her at church. Another life lesson stolen by a pandemic. “How long have you been married?” I ask.

He smiles, “It will be 65 years next week.” He shares with me disjointed stories of courtship, changing jobs, and driving over 2,000 miles on their honeymoon.

Finishing my task of sorting through cans, throwing out 2018 soup and take-out containers partially filled with potato chips, I turn to look at him. He looks lost.

The bed and dresser leave out the front door.

 I sit on the floor at his feet.

He takes my hand, “I know a lot of people. I’ve lived a lot of places in my life.”

I am so grateful he ended up in our small town. The stories from his days in the postal service and corny jokes have been an integral part of VBS, Wednesday night dinners, and choir retreats. He faithfully signed up for all of the unseen jobs: putting out the chairs or taking flower arrangements to shut-ins. He always made sure the church members in the nursing home had bulletins so they would know what was going on. Now he is moving into one.

Who will visit him to bring him a bulletin?

My mind flashes back nearly 15 years. Despite being in his early 80’s, he eagerly agreed to play a role in my children’s choir musical. (He is the senior adult I mentioned in “Are You Wearing the Right Glasses?”)

“You were such a good sport that year you sang with the kids.” I tell him.

He smiles.

After several decades, he left the regular choir a few years ago to join the senior adult choir. He looks at me, “I’ve been talking to David. I may not be able to make it to Prime Timers anymore. He said we would work something out.”

He begins to sing, his voice shaky, yet strong:

            In the time that you gave me, did I give all I could give
            Did I love all I could love, did I live all I could live…    

I do not try to stop my tears as they fall to the floor- a holy moment amid partially packed boxes.

            If today is the day you should decide to take me
            Did I do all I could do in the time that you gave me?[1]

Yes, sweet saint, you did.

 

 

 

---

[1] Shawn Camp and Dennis Morgan, In the Time That You Gave Me

 

So did his life matter? Likely nobody will know his name in 100 years. Were all his loving actions to his community wasted?

No.

you wouldn’t have written about him so lovingly if they were. 
and you are no different.

[TexasProud]

3 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

So did his life matter? Likely nobody will know his name in 100 years. Were all his loving actions to his community wasted?

No.

you wouldn’t have written about him so lovingly if they were. 
and you are no different.

Logically, I know it, but I don't feel it right now. I am really pretty tired and sleep deprived, though. 

[Clarita]

1 hour ago, TexasProud said:

But that is the other thing.  I mean I don't really have a desire to write a book. Plus, recently I have been struck by just how many books are out there.  So many.  You look at book sales and so many books.  The market is just so glutted and half of those books are terrible. And how many more books do we NEED? Who remembers even 5 books from 30 years ago out of the THOUSANDS that were published?  The truth is I am not smart enough to write a deep book with brand-new concepts.  I am just now.  Nothing I think about is truly deep or original.  it just isn't.   

The book is about the fact that the people who accomplished so much and is so good at what they do (the experts in their field) didn't get that way because they were smart enough or talented enough, with research that backs that up. Jurassic Park was written 30 years ago I remember that book (although I didn't read it 30 years ago, just because I was a child), I remember reading Joy Luck Club (I didn't really get it, I think my mom really related to it more than I did), I remember Indian in the Cupboard, and The Boxcar Children. Yes we remember books from 30 years ago, even silly fictional kid books. 

Thomas Edison a great inventor didn't just come up with the light bulb out of the blue. His great light bulb invention was an improvement on existing technology. He is very much remembered for being a great inventor, because he is. No one thinks about things that are "truly deep" or "truly original", everyone thinks about things that others thought about, spoke about or wrote about.

[Melissa Louise]

42 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Logically, I know it, but I don't feel it right now. I am really pretty tired and sleep deprived, though. 

Never muse on life and it's meanings when you're sleep deprived. 

[Terabith]

I remember hundreds of books from 30 years ago.  Easily.  

I genuinely think you need to lower your expectations.  You cannot have a life of fantastic days, because then the barometer of what is fantastic gets reset and that fantastic day gets defined as normal.  

I honestly think you need to aim for contentment and "okayness" rather than fantastic.  

[Ginevra]

3 hours ago, TexasProud said:

But that is just it... I don't have a clue what I "enjoy."  So even that leaves me stuck. 

I mean…you sound like you’re waiting for life to bonk you on the head and scream, “This makes you happy!!!” into your face. Can’t you do something for the hell of it and then smile with satisfaction and say, “Actually, I did feel at peace/joyful/content when I was doing XYZ…”?

Look, at a time in my life when I suffered a devastating tragedy, I went through several years of feeling no pleasure in much at all. I spent some time thinking I was permanently damaged and would never feel joy again; my loss had been so traumatic and tragic. But, little by little, I healed some. And then a little bit more. I poured my heart into the small things I *could* do for the living children I still had. 
 

It took a long time but eventually, I started to see some glimmers of beauty and joy that this world has to offer. I couldn’t do anything about the tragedy that happened but I could find pleasure in creating something or teaching a kid something or just petting my cats. I could make homemade bread (there’s a lesson in impermanence if ever there was one!) or appreciate a beautiful sunrise or run a 5K or co-teach homeschool chorus. Beautiful things were all around me; they are all around you too. 
 

Maybe that is the case for you - you are still healing and it’s hard to feel the joy at this time. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, though. 

[Rosie_0801]

Seriously, though, make some time capsules.

People study history because they want to know what happened a hundred years ago. People study genealogy because they want to know what happened a hundred years ago. Go interview the oldies at church. Ask them what their favourite food is now and what it was when they were kids, what they don't understand and what they appreciate about their grandkids generation, what they don't understand about their parents' generation or what they didn't used to understand but do now. Ask what their favourite rant is, about their memories of their grandparents, who their best friends have been. Ask them what they hope their grandchildren will tell their grandchildren about them. 

Create a body of knowledge. Not preachy and "you kids these days" or confessional self flaggelation, but "this is a bit of who I was while I occupied my piece of time and space."

Or maybe make it into an app for the local cemetery if that's not too morbid for you. People look at tombstones and wonder who they were. We have the tech to record and make that accessible nowadays.

You like to talk, you like to help, you want to do something that will be remembered and it doesn't need to be done when you're away doing something else.

[Heartstrings]

Have you tried writing about your struggles?  Maybe your not finding an audience for your voice because you haven’t found your authentic voice. Maybe you need to write about the things you write about here. You’ve said you try to keep that side hidden, but it obviously needs an outlet and it’s probably more authentically you than what you write with your name attached.  That’s all behind your public facing mask.  Maybe you need to be more vulnerable.  Your mask isn’t finding the success you hoped for, maybe the real you will.  

Edited August 29, 2023 by Heartstrings

[TexasProud]

16 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

Have you tried writing about your struggles?  Maybe your not finding an audience for your voice because you haven’t found your authentic voice. Maybe you need to write about the things you write about here. You’ve said you try to keep that side hidden, but it obviously needs an outlet and it’s probably more authentically you than what you write with your name attached.  That’s all behind your public facing mask.  Maybe you need to be more vulnerable.  Your mask isn’t finding the success you hoped for, maybe the real you will.  

Actually, my writing is pretty raw and authentic.  My husband proofread my stuff and actually learns so much more about me by doing that than what I ever say to him if that makes sense.  I read that from an author one time, I think it was a man.  He said his wife struggled because she felt like his "audience" knew so much more about him than she did. 

[TexasProud]

Like this.  Here is the beginning of one of my devotions for people struggling at Advent:

 

I

Edited September 1, 2023 by TexasProud

[Heartstrings]

5 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

And yesterday because I broke down and posted on social media, I got 40 downloads.  I just hate that I have to spend time on Facebook and Instagram for people to remember my stuff is out there...  I am always in a bad mood trying to create things for that

I wonder if you could get someone from fiver or handshake to make those posts for you?  Like a very part time virtual assistant/social media manager.  

[marbel]

So, I wonder how you are promoting your podcast/blog. There are so many podcasts out there; takes a lot of work to build an audience. Have you done/are you doing anything to promote yourself? 

ETA I just saw your comment about needing to post on social media. Yes, that is what people have to do to build and maintain an audience.

Edited August 29, 2023 by marbel

[TexasProud]

Just now, Heartstrings said:

I wonder if you could get someone from fiver or handshake to make those posts for you?  Like a very part time virtual assistant/social media manager.  

Yes, maybe.  But that is part of what started this post about reaching out for help.  I finally broke down and hired someone to help me with my website.  I was ready to pay someone to get it looking really good and all of that.  We had several conferences and nada... I went through all of the process to finally say, "Ok, I am going to spend money."  I looked at all the options and did the work.  And now I have to start all over from scratch.  It feels like when I do finally reach out to someone for help albeit emotionally for a counselor or techwise for my online stuff, they do not deliver what they promise.  I thought I would have a really nice looking website by now.  Then I could focus on something else like maybe social media.  

[TexasProud]

1 minute ago, marbel said:

So, I wonder how you are promoting your podcast/blog. There are so many podcasts out there; takes a lot of work to build an audience. Have you done/are you doing anything to promote yourself?  

Oh, I am sure not nearly enough and I have a real philosophical problem with social media/online stuff. I really like Tsh Oxenreider, Allison Cook  and the others calling for staying off of social media and how detrimental it is to our souls. How we should be doing more in the "real" world than online.  Several of them like Alison Cook hire people to do their stuff.  But I think, so... this is bad, but we are marketing ourselves on it...

Anyway, I have just posted on my Facebook and Instagram.  That is all I have done. And yes, just like books, you get overwhelmed when you realize how much is out there.  I am a small voice among thousands.  

[TexasProud]

And yes, part of the impetus for this was I was frustrated and on our walk said something to my husband who paused a minute and then went on to all of the things he has to do to get us ready to go. Then, and I know that he wanted to help, I know that.  But he wants to do videos about his new Ford truck and all the DIY stuff he does for the RV. Which absolutely, he is right, it will get thousands of views because stuff of much less quality gets that. But again, like the medical stuff, it is HIS stuff, not mine.  People care about what HE does, not what I do.  Which I know is vain and all of that.  I am just super sick of playing second fiddle.  It just made me cry.  I know that a DIY 2023 Ford improvement will get a ton of views and a scripture video will not.  I get that. And I don't WANT a million videos.  But I want to be heard. 

[Heartstrings]

31 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

And I don't WANT a million videos.  But I want to be heard. 

Have you considered starting locally instead of on social media?  Offer a Bible study, offer to speak at a MOPS meeting, teach a small class locally. 

Or maybe something that's more algorithm driven like Tik Tok?  Facebook and instagram are really only helpful for reaching people who already know you.  They are more about creating engagement with your current community, not about reaching a new audience.  The Tik tok algorithm will put your stuff in front of new people, people who haven't had an opportunity to "meet" you yet, but who have interests that make Tik Tok think they might like to "meet" you. If an audience exists for you, Tik Tok will find it.  

Edited August 29, 2023 by Heartstrings

[TexasProud]

13 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

Have you considered starting locally instead of on social media?  Offer a Bible study, offer to speak at a MOPS meeting, teach a small class locally. 

 

Yes, honestly that is what a writing coach and my spiritual director think.  Just one problem, I am never home. 

So, I asked my church is they would be willing to do a Longest Night service for those who are suffering loss at Christmas.  They were so excited last year about it, but (Nov), it was too late as the calendar was full.  So I created a service, which both my pastor and music pastor LOVED.  They asked for a few tweaks, which I did.  I have been asked to speak at the grief share group about it, which would also be a good time to share about my audio devotion for people suffering during Advent. However, I will be serving in Honduras during the time of the meeting.  I think I will record it. 

But we leave Friday and get home October 8th. Gone first week of November for Honduras trip. Will fly to Indiana to see my daughter starring in the musical for a long weekend before Thanksgiving.  Then of course Thanksgiving.  We will fly from there for our mission leader conference for a long weekend for the Honduras mission. Then back for the rest of December, I think. 

[prairiewindmomma]

51 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

And yes, part of the impetus for this was I was frustrated and on our walk said something to my husband who paused a minute and then went on to all of the things he has to do to get us ready to go. Then, and I know that he wanted to help, I know that.  But he wants to do videos about his new Ford truck and all the DIY stuff he does for the RV. Which absolutely, he is right, it will get thousands of views because stuff of much less quality gets that. But again, like the medical stuff, it is HIS stuff, not mine.  People care about what HE does, not what I do.  Which I know is vain and all of that.  I am just super sick of playing second fiddle.  It just made me cry.  I know that a DIY 2023 Ford improvement will get a ton of views and a scripture video will not.  I get that. And I don't WANT a million videos.  But I want to be heard. 

I think this is one of the sources of your discontent. You are relying on outside approval as a measure for your self worth, and when others receive more “approval” you feel like you are worth less than the person next to you.

And, fwiw, I think the “outside approval is all that matters” way of thinking ties back to how your parents treated you growing up. They beat you down mentally and twisted your thinking so that you sought to people please others, particularly them. 
 

You matter, in and of yourself. You matter even if you never did a thing or said a word or if people never knew you. When we talk about the inherent worth of a soul—everyone is precious and loved and capable of loving. We don’t have to earn that and we don’t receive that as approval from anyone. ❤️
 

[KSera]

44 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

Or maybe something that's more algorithm driven like Tik Tok?  Facebook and instagram are really only helpful for reaching people who already know you.  They are more about creating engagement with your current community, not about reaching a new audience.  The Tik tok algorithm will put your stuff in front of new people, people who haven't had an opportunity to "meet" you yet, but who have interests that make Tik Tok think they might like to "meet" you. If an audience exists for you, Tik Tok will find it.  

From what I’m reading, I think the social media competition for clicks and likes is feeding a lot of TP’s discontent, as it does for so many people. I think going the other direction would be more helpful-such as doing in person things instead, as you suggested.
 

I’ve been off social media for a long time (almost a decade), but I can recall a phase where I would be taking pictures with the express thought of putting them on Facebook and when I did so, checking to see who “liked” them. This seems similar to how you (TP) are focused on how other people like your writing, without really getting satisfaction out of it yourself. 
 

What if you just took a break from writing for a set period, like a month, or two months? It seems it might be helpful to remove so much focus from this act that you spend so much effort on, without really enjoying, and especially a break from deriving your joy from whether people give you positive comments about it or click a like button. To learn that life has meaning and joy without needing random other people to provide that. 

[marbel]

1 hour ago, TexasProud said:

And yes, part of the impetus for this was I was frustrated and on our walk said something to my husband who paused a minute and then went on to all of the things he has to do to get us ready to go. Then, and I know that he wanted to help, I know that.  But he wants to do videos about his new Ford truck and all the DIY stuff he does for the RV. Which absolutely, he is right, it will get thousands of views because stuff of much less quality gets that. But again, like the medical stuff, it is HIS stuff, not mine.  People care about what HE does, not what I do.  Which I know is vain and all of that.  I am just super sick of playing second fiddle.  It just made me cry.  I know that a DIY 2023 Ford improvement will get a ton of views and a scripture video will not.  I get that. And I don't WANT a million videos.  But I want to be heard. 

So, I understand feeling overshadowed by a spouse (or other person) who seemingly gets more recognition from the world. My husband has always been smarter, more talented, etc. than I am. But I have things to offer too - they are just not as visible as his.  

And, it's just a fact that some types of posts/videos/podcasts/etc get more viewings than others. I'm not surprised that videos on truck DIYs get more views than scripture videos. 

I find I have to work hard to combat my feelings of envy, because they lead to bitterness and a feeling of despair. I regain my equilibrium by reminding myself that my own small circle of people, and more importantly, God, know my worth and it has nothing to do with my intelligence or visibility in the world.  

God is not interested in how many people click on your video or like your podcast.  If he is leading you to write and produce content, do it, but do it to glorify and obey him, not to compete with your husband for viewers.

 💗

 

 

[TexasProud]

 

22 minutes ago, KSera said:

From what I’m reading, I think the social media competition for clicks and likes is feeding a lot of TP’s discontent, as it does for so many people. I think going the other direction would be more helpful-such as doing in person things instead, as you suggested.
 

I’ve been off social media for a long time (almost a decade), but I can recall a phase where I would be taking pictures with the express thought of putting them on Facebook and when I did so, checking to see who “liked” them. This seems similar to how you (TP) are focused on how other people like your writing, without really getting satisfaction out of it yourself. 
 

What if you just took a break from writing for a set period, like a month, or two months? It seems it might be helpful to remove so much focus from this act that you spend so much effort on, without really enjoying, and especially a break from deriving your joy from whether people give you positive comments about it or click a like button. To learn that life has meaning and joy without needing random other people to provide that. 

Yes, and no.  I mean,  honestly before I undertook the writing thing a couple of years ago, I had social media accounts and the only reason was to follow my kids ( though 2 out of the 3 are completely off now).  I posted maybe once a month if that.  Mainly just the obligatory birthday or anniversary post.  I was not obsessed with how many people "liked" me.  Which is why I HATE the social media stuff and why I stay off.  But I have no metrics to see how many people looked at what I wrote.  I don't know how to be able figure out if people see it...  But then I get obsessed with metrics. Which I hate, which is why I have avoided social media because I don't want to compete.  And that is just it I don't care about the 5,000 people that like it that I do not know.  What I DO care about is if my mom likes it, my husband, my best friend.  If they don't like it, then forget about it. 

Ok, so I am taking a break from posting anything for the month of September anyway because of the RV trip.  But I don't see how I will spend that extra time if I do not write.  My husband will be on his computer doing all of his mission trip/coordinator/chairman stuff.  He has a whole list of things he will be doing.  I mean we will hike and see things together.  But I will have hours by myself that I have to fill somehow.  I mean I will of course, go outside quietly with my journal, look at sunrises and sunsets, etc.  But after awhile, I have to DO something or interact with people and my husband will not be "there (physically but not socially)" for me to interact with as he will be busy.  So what am I supposed to do in the trailer for 6 weeks if I do not write?????????

[marbel]

1 minute ago, TexasProud said:

So what am I supposed to do in the trailer for 6 weeks if I do not write?????????

I think people have been trying to tell you that you can write for yourself. If you feel like writing, write! Again, it doesn't have worth only if other people see it.  But someday your children will have your journals to read, so consider that a future gift for them. 

[KSera]

4 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

So what am I supposed to do in the trailer for 6 weeks if I do not write?????????

How much of the time do you have to be inside the trailer each day? Lots of people don’t write and manage to fill their days, so it’s certainly possible (on here is the only “writing” I do). You could read, try various handcraft hobbies (do you knit or crochet?), find some tv shows to binge watch on Netflix, write letters to people instead of the kind of writing you usually do, play cards. I don’t know, it seems like there are all kinds of other options besides writing. I mean, if you enjoy writing then write, but if you don’t, try something else.

[TexasProud]

9 minutes ago, marbel said:

I think people have been trying to tell you that you can write for yourself. If you feel like writing, write! Again, it doesn't have worth only if other people see it.  But someday your children will have your journals to read, so consider that a future gift for them. 

Oh yes, and honestly, that is really why I am doing the podcast and the devotionals to sell.  I am compiling them to give to my children and if they ever marry (which they may not) my children and grandchildren. I did the same thing with my dad's stuff. I compiled all of his poetry and made it into a book and gave it to all the relatives.  So yes, that is my actual goal with all of this, not really an audience.  But still, I would like to know it is good. 

[marbel]

2 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Oh yes, and honestly, that is really why I am doing the podcast and the devotionals to sell.  I am compiling them to give to my children and if they ever marry (which they may not) my children and grandchildren. I did the same thing with my dad's stuff. I compiled all of his poetry and made it into a book and gave it to all the relatives.  So yes, that is my actual goal with all of this, not really an audience.  But still, I would like to know it is good. 

Good to whom? There is plenty of bad writing published every day. Getting a lot of viewers or likes does not mean something is good! If you are writing for your people, they will love it because it came from you.  What does selling it have to do with it? 

[TexasProud]

5 minutes ago, KSera said:

How much of the time do you have to be inside the trailer each day? Lots of people don’t write and manage to fill their days, so it’s certainly possible (on here is the only “writing” I do). You could read, try various handcraft hobbies (do you knit or crochet?), find some tv shows to binge watch on Netflix, write letters to people instead of the kind of writing you usually do, play cards. I don’t know, it seems like there are all kinds of other options besides writing. I mean, if you enjoy writing then write, but if you don’t, try something else.

I do not do crafts. I stink at them. People laugh at my "art," especially my former students. My mom tried to teach me to sew. It was a dismal failure and I stink at it. My husband teased me about it as well.  My sister is like my mom and grandmother who sews professionally for weddings, costumes, dance recitals.  My mom made all of my prom and special occasion dresses, every dance recital costume and of course, a new Easter dress every year.  Many of them are in my cedar chest.  I got minuses in art in elementary school (How in the world??? ) Every year.  Pluses in music.  I couldn't wait for 6th grade until I didn't have to take art anymore. 

[TexasProud]

Just now, marbel said:

Good to whom? There is plenty of bad writing published every day. Getting a lot of viewers or likes does not mean something is good! If you are writing for your people, they will love it because it came from you.  What does selling it have to do with it? 

It isn't selling.  The only money I want to make is to pay for my hobby.  To pull my weight.  I felt best about myself when I was teaching and brought in my own paycheck. 

[marbel]

Just now, TexasProud said:

It isn't selling.  The only money I want to make is to pay for my hobby.  To pull my weight.  I felt best about myself when I was teaching and brought in my own paycheck. 

You are the one who said you were doing it to sell.  How much does your hobby cost you? I mean, as a hobby - not as a business.  Does your husband begrudge you the cost of your notebooks and pens, or your internet/cellphone usage to do your writing?  That is all you need for a hobby 

[Frances]

14 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

  So what am I supposed to do in the trailer for 6 weeks if I do not write?????????

Read

Write to the homebound in your church family and/or community

Call or write family and friends

Make new friends at your RV stops and do activities with them

Check for one off volunteer activities at your RV stop locations (clean up days, special event volunteers, etc)

Craft with a purpose (lots of places take donations of hats, blankets, etc.)

Watch TV/movies or play solo games

Learn a new instrument and practice

Study languages for your mission trips

Buy and donate supplies to local homeless shelters or other community organizations in places you are staying 

Explore your stops on your own

[Spryte]

2 minutes ago, Frances said:

Read

Write to the homebound in your church family and/or community

Call or write family and friends

Make new friends at your RV stops and do activities with them

Check for one off volunteer activities at your RV stop locations (clean up days, special event volunteers, etc)

Craft with a purpose (lots of places take donations of hats, blankets, etc.)

Watch TV/movies or play solo games

Learn a new instrument and practice

Study languages for your mission trips

Buy and donate supplies to local homeless shelters or other community organizations in places you are staying 

Explore your stops on your own

Great ideas!

One more: https://www.lettersagainstisolation.com/  I do this. It started during Covid lockdowns, still going strong.

[TexasProud]

3 minutes ago, Frances said:

Read

Write to the homebound in your church family and/or community

Call or write family and friends

Make new friends at your RV stops and do activities with them

Check for one off volunteer activities at your RV stop locations (clean up days, special event volunteers, etc)

Craft with a purpose (lots of places take donations of hats, blankets, etc.)

Watch TV/movies or play solo games

Learn a new instrument and practice

Study languages for your mission trips

Buy and donate supplies to local homeless shelters or other community organizations in places you are staying 

Explore your stops on your own

I guess... still doesn't sound fun.

[Frances]

6 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

I do not do crafts. I stink at them. People laugh at my "art," especially my former students. My mom tried to teach me to sew. It was a dismal failure and I stink at it. My husband teased me about it as well.  My sister is like my mom and grandmother who sews professionally for weddings, costumes, dance recitals.  My mom made all of my prom and special occasion dresses, every dance recital costume and of course, a new Easter dress every year.  Many of them are in my cedar chest.  I got minuses in art in elementary school (How in the world??? ) Every year.  Pluses in music.  I couldn't wait for 6th grade until I didn't have to take art anymore. 

There are lots of crafts easier than sewing. I too stink at art and hated sewing. But basic knitting and crocheting are much easier and very portable and can lead to needed items to donate like hats, blankets, etc. I have no doubt you could readily learn one of these to a level that you could make warm items to donate.

How about learning a new instrument? The guitar is a great one for sharing music with others or if that is too big for the RV, a ukulele.

[TexasProud]

 

 

1 minute ago, Frances said:

 

How about learning a new instrument? The guitar is a great one for sharing music with others or if that is too big for the RV, a ukulele.

Yeah, did I mention that my husband has taught himself the guitar and he is now really good.  He practices every single day.Yes, he brings it with us.  But again, I can't compete with him...   In fact that is one of my things.  He has finally given up.  He wanted to sing and practice with me, but he just doesn't do it the way I am used to singing them. It isn't effortless like with my music minister/praise team.  It is like grating on my nerves.  I still try sometimes.  I should enjoy it, but I don't. 

[TexasProud]

Oh, and my husband writes better than me as well.  He writes letters to our children every time they leave, Christmas, etc.  They have all of these beautifully written words from him.  But he isn't the writer, LOL.  The emails he writes for our mission teams everyone loves.  They are funny, insightful, just wonderful.  I honestly cannot compete with him. 

[TexasProud]

Oh, and yes, my husband does his Spanish every single day.  He can converse on the mission field. I will never be as self-disciplined as he is.  That is what I mean.  He does all of these things: sit ups, Spanish, practice guitar, etc.  He fills his day.   I like to have people. 

Edited August 29, 2023 by TexasProud

[KSera]

6 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

I guess... still doesn't sound fun.

It doesn’t sound like your writing is either though. 

5 minutes ago, Frances said:

There are lots of crafts easier than sewing. I too stink at art and hated sewing. But basic knitting and crocheting are much easier and very portable and can lead to needed items to donate like hats, blankets, etc. I have no doubt you could readily learn one of these to a level that you could make warm items to donate.

Yeah, I was going to say in response to the “I stink at art“ reply but I don’t think of things like knitting and crochet as art, unless you are creating your own designs with it. It doesn’t require any artistic ability at all to knit or crochet. Just the ability to follow a pattern. And it’s quite satisfying that at the end you have a usable product that can actually be worn by someone or keep a baby warm.

But if you hate the idea, it’s probably not going to be a useful one for you.
 

[TexasProud]

Just now, KSera said:

It doesn’t sound like your writing is either though. 

Yeah, I was going to say in response to the “I stink at art“ reply but I don’t think of things like knitting and crochet as art, unless you are creating your own designs with it. It doesn’t require any artistic ability at all to knit or crochet. Just the ability to follow a pattern. And it’s quite satisfying that at the end you have a usable product that can actually be worn by someone or keep a baby warm.

But if you hate the idea, it’s probably not going to be a useful one for you.
 

Yeah, maybe.  At least it isn't something my husband does...  But sitting there in silence or in a room doing it... sounds excruciating. 

[Frances]

1 minute ago, TexasProud said:

I guess... still doesn't sound fun.

 

3 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

I guess... still doesn't sound fun.

Most things don’t when one is sleep deprived. Wait and try them when you aren’t. You’ve said before you find it hard to maintain good connections with friends because you travel so much. So make it your goal this trip to figure out creative ways to solve that problem. I think focusing on what you can do for others, rather than spending so much time in your head would be very beneficial. Writing might not even be a good hobby for you because it is so cerebral. Personally, I think active, doing hobbies would be far better for you, especially ones that benefit others. If that still doesn’t help, then I think you need to seek professional help. 

[Clarita]

1 hour ago, TexasProud said:

So, I asked my church is they would be willing to do a Longest Night service for those who are suffering loss at Christmas.  They were so excited last year about it, but (Nov), it was too late as the calendar was full.  So I created a service, which both my pastor and music pastor LOVED.  They asked for a few tweaks, which I did.  I have been asked to speak at the grief share group about it, which would also be a good time to share about my audio devotion for people suffering during Advent. However, I will be serving in Honduras during the time of the meeting.  I think I will record it. 

But we leave Friday and get home October 8th. Gone first week of November for Honduras trip. Will fly to Indiana to see my daughter starring in the musical for a long weekend before Thanksgiving.  Then of course Thanksgiving.  We will fly from there for our mission leader conference for a long weekend for the Honduras mission. Then back for the rest of December, I think. 

 

12 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

And that is just it I don't care about the 5,000 people that like it that I do not know.  What I DO care about is if my mom likes it, my husband, my best friend.  If they don't like it, then forget about it. 

Sacrifice, time and energy that's what people who are great do. You want an audience and not just a random stranger audience but an audience that you know. You've identified that and you've identified a potential thing you can do to get what you want, then it's but RV vacation, Honduras, Indiana, Thanksgiving, Honduras... To make this better than it is now you have to decide do you want your voice heard and responded to or do you want RV vacation, Honduras, Indiana, Thanksgiving, Honduras... Whichever you decide is the right decision, but own that decision. 

1 minute ago, TexasProud said:

He practices every single day.Yes, he brings it with us.  But again, I can't compete with him...   In fact that is one of my things.  He has finally given up.  He wanted to sing and practice with me, but he just doesn't do it the way I am used to singing them. It isn't effortless like with my music minister/praise team.

You can practice by yourself without him. You want to compete with him, then work your tushy off at something (perhaps make it easier on yourself and make it something you know he isn't good at), who cares even if it wouldn't be your hobby otherwise. 

If people is what you like then be a hostess, host all the tea parties and dinner parties. Get out there and have more friends and know more people than he does.

[Indigo Blue]

Just now, TexasProud said:

  I honestly cannot compete with him. 

Then don’t. I birthed two boys who are worlds smarter, more gifted, and more talented than I. My dh has no “talents” to speak of, but he is extroverted and people are drawn to him. He knows everyone around here. And I mean everyone. I prefer to drive “out of range” when we eat out or do anything in town so we don’t run into people he knows. I’m basically an invisible, unknown person! 🫥

You are good enough just by being the way you are. Seriously. If you take the pressure off yourself, maybe you can see that and just…..be. Exist. Enjoy. Love. Then you can move forward from there. You need to accept yourself just. as. you. are. at the core level first. You are enough. You are good enough. And if you are bored sometimes? It’s okay. Just be bored. It will pass. 

[Frances]

5 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Oh, and yes, my husband does his Spanish every single day.  He can converse on the mission field. I will never be as self-disciplined as he is.  That is what I mean.  He does all of these things: sit ups, Spanish, practice guitar, etc.  He fills his day.   I like to have people. 

Then go find people in person or find ways to connect often with those you leave behind. Find conversation partners online (there are sites precisely for this) and learn Spanish that way. You will likely make new friends at the same time and help someone else learn English. You don’t need to learn Spanish or a new instrument the same way as your husband. Find what works for you.

[TexasProud]

1 minute ago, Clarita said:

 

Sacrifice, time and energy that's what people who are great do. You want an audience and not just a random stranger audience but an audience that you know. You've identified that and you've identified a potential thing you can do to get what you want, then it's but RV vacation, Honduras, Indiana, Thanksgiving, Honduras... To make this better than it is now you have to decide do you want your voice heard and responded to or do you want RV vacation, Honduras, Indiana, Thanksgiving, Honduras... Whichever you decide is the right decision, but own that decision. 

I want my voice to be heard, but I also want to be there for my daughter and support her and make sure that she always feel like she is seen and supported and cheered on!
 

I want my voice to be heard, but I want my husband to be able to practice medicine.  I don't want our marriage to disintegrate because we are never together. Mission work is the only thing he can do now that he is disabled.

I want my voice to be heard, but I want to be close to my family and spend Thanksgiving Christmas with them.

I want my voice to be heard, but I want to serve other people.  Because other people should always be more important than you yourselves are.  In fact, I think my writing has stalled because I didn't go to Africa and get that fresh input and be around People.

Same thing with the RV trips.  I need novel stimulation as I get so bored at home. 

[Frances]

11 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Yeah, maybe.  At least it isn't something my husband does...  But sitting there in silence or in a room doing it... sounds excruciating. 

Then listen to audio books or music while doing it or find a Spanish conversation partner online who wants to learn English and chat with them while doing it. Or call and talk with family or friends while doing it. While traveling you can also check out yarn shops for their open crafting times. Most have times during the week where people come together to chat, craft, learn from each other, etc. If you’re staying for any length of time at RV parks, you could organize crafting get togethers.

Edited August 29, 2023 by Frances

[TexasProud]

9 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

ust be bored. 

I don't do bored.