Indigo Blue Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 (edited) !!!!Please don’t quote!!! I don’t know what to think about this. My mom has stated that she will not attend the Catholic Church wedding of her granddaughter because “I’m not walking down the aisle of a church where so many children are m@lested”. I just looked at her and said, that’s fine. Then just don’t go. It’s your choice. (In a very flat, non-antagonistic neutral voice). I’m not going to get into that with her. That’s that. The end. She either goes or she doesn’t. I think I’m just mostly thinking out loud and pep talking myself. !!!!!Please don’t quote!!!! Edited June 9, 2023 by Indigo Blue 2 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 Yes, you're right - she goes or she doesn't. Her loss if she chooses not to be there at her granddaughter's wedding. It's probably for the best anyway and I hope you don't get a lot of grief about it before the special day. 9 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 I just love how people place ideas into silos to fit the choices they make. If this wedding ceremony was to take place in a forest, a library or a city hall, would she have stated a different reason for not going to this wedding? Perhaps these settings would be not religious enough, or molesters and murders had walked in these locations. As everyone knows, the Roman Catholic church is the ONLY place children are molested (tongue firmly in cheek). 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indigo Blue Posted June 8, 2023 Author Share Posted June 8, 2023 Just now, wintermom said: As everyone knows, the Roman Catholic church is the ONLY place children are molested (tongue firmly in cheek). This was the thought bubble over my head the entire time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 @wintermom good point. She'd probably have a complaint about any venue and use it as an excuse not to go. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indigo Blue Posted June 8, 2023 Author Share Posted June 8, 2023 Her excuse not to go to my son’s college graduation was that she’s too old. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her mobility. She works full time. It was for the best, though. The day was really nice as it was. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
----- Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 (edited) Yeah, I know people like this. They can take whatever pops into their heads and twist and spin it in an instant to suit their own purposes. It's almost like a word association game to them. You say X, they say XY. And so on. The point being that it really means nothing to them - the words coming out of their mouths. All that matters is that they weasel out of whatever is in front of them making them squirm. 🙄 Oh, and if they suck you into an argument in the process - ex. about the Catholic church - all the better for them because it then takes the focus off them and onto you, or the church, or anything but themselves. Edited June 8, 2023 by kathyl 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 You handled it perfectly. So sad for the granddaughter though. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indigo Blue Posted June 8, 2023 Author Share Posted June 8, 2023 9 minutes ago, kathyl said: Oh, and if they suck you into an argument in the process - ex. about the Catholic church - all the better for them because it then takes the focus off them and onto you, or the church, or anything but themselves. Good point, because I could have easily been sucked into that. I hereby declare at this very moment, I will NOT be sucked in. 10 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 11 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said: Good point, because I could have easily been sucked into that. I hereby declare at this very moment, I will NOT be sucked in. I have considered (only half joking) getting this very message tattooed on my palm so that it’s always available as a reminder! Sorry to hear that she is being such a little 💩! Your response was just right. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 (edited) 39 minutes ago, scholastica said: You handled it perfectly. So sad for the granddaughter though. Yes, you absolutely did a great job, and I’m sorry she doesn’t have the grandmother she deserves Edited June 8, 2023 by saraha 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 You handled it perfectly, both what you said to her and also your internal eye-rolling. Now to shake off that pesky icky feeling that lingers...😏 Fortunately, you've come to the right place. We all affirm you and we'll cheerfully engage in some gallows humor together. Didja have Catholic-Church-angst on your bingo card? 😋 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 I just want to take a moment to acknowledge your growth and boundaries, because it's really something to be super proud of. "That's fine, it's your choice" probably threw her for a loop. She was probably all geared up for an argument and primed for some A-class 💩-stirring and you just did not engage. HUGE boundary win for you! 🎉🎉 It's probably best all around that she doesn't attend anyway, so double win. 11 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoeless Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 Your mother is the bride at every funeral and the corpse at every wedding. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 Well done. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 Roll your eyes hard, drink some wine, and pass the bean dip. She is being an old crustacean. My mother in law does this. Refused to go to Alabama in 2021 for the big family Christmas because, "I can't ride in a car that long." Offered to fly her. "I can't fly. My health won't allow it." Except that her doctor told her no problem. Our son's college graduation 2022, only 7 hrs away, and my mother offered to take her, stopping every two hours so she could rest, walk around, etc. Nope. Too far. Can't travel anymore. Favorite granddaughter and the one she acts like can walk on water, calls, "Granny come spend Easter with me!" Demands Mark drive her 9 hrs to the Pocanos, three days in a house with stairs she ISN'T supposed to do, and while there takes a one mile hike but here claims she cannot walk 300 ft to the end of her driveway. Yup. Now she is acting decrepit and unable to travel anywhere to see anyone except favorite granddaughter mentioned flying NYC, being picked up, and going to the Poconos for a month, and suddenly she thinks that would be lovely. Ignore. We have given up, but Mark also told her he will never take her on any trip again, and if she needs to go anywhere more than an hour away - aka the airport - she will need to pay someone to drive her. So tired of playing the games, and having her crap all over our kids. OP, your mom simply does not want to go. If they got married in her front yard, she would refuse to exit the house to watch. Selfish cranks cannot be reasoned with so just try not to communicate with her about much of anything. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 Title it "I am healing." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indigo Blue Posted June 9, 2023 Author Share Posted June 9, 2023 48 minutes ago, fraidycat said: I just want to take a moment to acknowledge your growth and boundaries, because it's really something to be super proud of. "That's fine, it's your choice" probably threw her for a loop. She was probably all geared up for an argument and primed for some A-class 💩-stirring and you just did not engage. HUGE boundary win for you! 🎉🎉 It's probably best all around that she doesn't attend anyway, so double win. Thank you very much, fraidycat! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 2 hours ago, scholastica said: You handled it perfectly. So sad for the granddaughter though. I agree that @Indigo Bluehandled it perfectly! 💗 Sad for her granddaughter? Maybe, maybe not. I know there is a lot of backstory here and I don't know all of it, but IIRC there are some issues with Grandma and grandkids. It could be a relief not to have her there, wondering what crazy thing she may say or do to mar the day. If not, then I am sad for her granddaughter, for sure. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 35 minutes ago, marbel said: I agree that @Indigo Bluehandled it perfectly! 💗 Sad for her granddaughter? Maybe, maybe not. I know there is a lot of backstory here and I don't know all of it, but IIRC there are some issues with Grandma and grandkids. It could be a relief not to have her there, wondering what crazy thing she may say or do to mar the day. If not, then I am sad for her granddaughter, for sure. I’m sad because that is her grandmother, not that she wasn’t at the wedding. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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