Drama Llama Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 (edited) Gonna try to protect my her privacy. Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 17, 2022 Author Share Posted September 17, 2022 Oh, and I will probably delete this, so no quotes please. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 That would really frustrate me too, but he is an adult and can make his own decisions. I would hope maybe there was a plan for him to call for back-up if he needed to, even though maybe there was no such plan. Maybe he could have called if he needed to, though. I always had feelings that my sister took advantage of grandparents for babysitting, but in the end her kids got older and it quit being an issue. I also thought she was oblivious to her kids being “too much” for the grandparents watching them. The grandparents wanted to do it, though! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 17, 2022 Author Share Posted September 17, 2022 (edited) Sorry! Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 Kudos to you for not fixing this problem. FIL should have told SIL he wasn’t up to having a toddler along. SIL is a piece of work for even asking. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 I think the best think to do is just let it play out today, but be sure to check on fil tomorrow, just to make sure he hasn’t had any kind of setback after doing so much so soon. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 Well, remember the old saying -- Don't borrow trouble. Your FIL may have done just fine, and had a fun day out with the kids. There's no point in worrying about it, anyway. If he ends up too tired, hopefully he will learn a lesson for next time. 🙂 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 17, 2022 Author Share Posted September 17, 2022 12 minutes ago, Catwoman said: Well, remember the old saying -- Don't borrow trouble. Your FIL may have done just fine, and had a fun day out with the kids. There's no point in worrying about it, anyway. If he ends up too tired, hopefully he will learn a lesson for next time. 🙂 I know, just venting here and not to anyone in the family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 Ugh. Good for you for sticking to your boundaries. I hope he's okay. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 17, 2022 Author Share Posted September 17, 2022 (edited) ... Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 1 minute ago, Baseballandhockey said: They are leaving to grab dinner and go to the next game. My kid's not playing, so I texted him to do all the baby chasing. That's OK right? Good call. That's just between you and your boy--he's well able to do it, and it's a kindness to someone you really care about. But also keep in mind that he should not ever be alone-alone with SIL's kids. So for example, your fil would do all diaper changes, but your son is the one who scampers after an excited toddler who's running across the room. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 17, 2022 Author Share Posted September 17, 2022 (edited) ... Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 I would hope he wouldn’t need to be told! My husband would be offended. But I think it’s thoughtful if it would be welcome! I have vented to my husband many times about this issue, but I only brought it up extremely rarely to my parents, and I never got a good reception from them — they always said they were happy to do it. So it was really something where “I” didn’t like it and thought it was SO rude, but my opinion was not shared. I thought my sister should just spend the time with grandparents, too, instead of always having a reason to need babysitting. My sister also ended up not spending much time with grandparents or “requiring” her kids to make time for grandparents, once they were old enough not to need babysitting. Or that was my opinion! I think she was just really entitled on the whole issue, plus thinking her kids were so wonderful who wouldn’t want to spend time with them? She didn’t think it was “work” to watch her kids. Well — I am just very different than my sister in this way, I guess is the bottom line. We are on good terms, but I have way more boundaries than in the past. Now I see her one-on-one and we have a great time that way and have time to chat. I avoid/limit larger gatherings with her. I am planning NOT to have holidays with her. She is really a nice person but just clueless with some things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 Did he have pax...for covid? Could he be getting a rebound case? (Can't remember the drug name) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 17, 2022 Author Share Posted September 17, 2022 (edited) ... Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey grammar 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 17, 2022 Author Share Posted September 17, 2022 (edited) ... Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 11 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilltopmom Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 Geez, I wouldn’t even take my OWN kids out for that long of a day! 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 17, 2022 Author Share Posted September 17, 2022 (edited) ... Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 I think it’s very appropriate for the other SIL to do what she can! She may not be able to do much, or maybe , hopefully, she will get through or just decide to take things on in place of the grandfather. To some extent I just helped with my nieces to reduce the burden on my parents. It worked to some extent, but also didn’t work to some extent. My sister remained clueless in this area. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 17, 2022 Author Share Posted September 17, 2022 (edited) ... Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 I meant it would be appropriate for her to do what she can to read the riot act. Not provide free babysitting 😉 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 18, 2022 Author Share Posted September 18, 2022 (edited) ... Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 18, 2022 Author Share Posted September 18, 2022 (edited) ... Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 Glad we have a place to vent😊 And I am glad FIL is ok. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 18, 2022 Author Share Posted September 18, 2022 (edited) ... Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 Could it be a third option? Like could she simply be oblivious to what he was already doing and just selfishly wanted less workload for herself? Wasn’t her husband also home with her? Not that being self centered is easier to fix than being in crisis, but it might be an explanation. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 18, 2022 Author Share Posted September 18, 2022 (edited) .... Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 I mean, it does sound like she’s been struggling since she had the baby, based on some of your previous posts. You’ve never presented as anything but gracious and caring here, and you definitely give people the benefit of the doubt. You were worried about your fil, but you didn’t jump in and try to change the situation. That’s a pretty good balance, I’d say. Concerned he was taking on too much but letting it play out. However, if she is struggling, I’d hope she’s doing more than just letting family members help w childcare. Baby is a toddler- that’s a long time to struggle without seeking some professional help. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 18, 2022 Author Share Posted September 18, 2022 (edited) ... Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 (edited) I think this SIL is going to raise 4 kids through to adulthood without ever taking care of all of them by herself for more than a day at a time. Gotta admire her ingenuity. I wouldn’t overthink it FIL is a grown man. He could say no . . . or send a photo and get someone to do it for him . 😂 Edited September 18, 2022 by KungFuPanda 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 (edited) The thing is she may be struggling. I had some pretty long running PPD myself with my first after a complicated pregnancy and delivery. So to say that I get it is an understatement. That said, I also don't think it's unreasonable to assume that isn't the case if someone isn't giving you a heads up and some insight into why this much extra help is needed. Relationships should be two way. That family has stepped up for yours. But OP, you have certainly reciprocated over and over and over. Just the amount of food care and planning you've discussed here is dizzying to me. I have felt badly for those kids for some time now. I'm glad your FIL is doing better. ❤️ Edited September 18, 2022 by catz 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 As a mom, there is no way I would consider letting Grandpa take two teens + an active 2 year old for 12 hours in one day. Add in Grandpa is just getting over sickness, absolutely no way unless I need emergency surgery and there is NO one else. When my kids were 2, they were pretty compliant, but they were still trouble for that long - especially if you didn't know their routine + not at their home. I would be worried sick about the 2 yo's safety (maybe that's unreasonable, but there it is) - even if the two teens were super helpful, they do have other activities to do. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 I think having the baby at a swim meet would also be non-ideal. (Sunburn, chemicals, no safe place to play ....) Where was the baby's dad in all this? I'm glad FIL got through the day in one piece. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 18, 2022 Author Share Posted September 18, 2022 (edited) ... Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 18, 2022 Author Share Posted September 18, 2022 (edited) ... Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 Okay, sil1 is such a narcissistic B that I really wish everyone would tell her where to go and when to get there. Good on you for not fixing it. Grandpa needs to take a stand against that woman. Other sil, ya, I get how she feels, and why she sent her hubby to the rescue. I get the wanting to go to family dinner today. Switzerland is a good idea. However, I would not have attended. Thankfully, I am taking another engineering class ad well as a physics class that is kicking my tushy. "I am so sorry. I need to study today and can't spare the time!" That would be my easy out avoiding the drama. Hugs! She is a pie e of the wrong kind of work. But you did nothing wrong, and I am sure the 12 year olds enjoyed themselves. Grandpa seems like such a sweet, long suffering man. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 18, 2022 Author Share Posted September 18, 2022 (edited) ... Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 Ahhhh, well I can totally understand wanting to be there under these circumstances. LOL, I think I would be very, deeply, concerned with staring at my mashed potatoes through dinner!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 18, 2022 Author Share Posted September 18, 2022 (edited) ... Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 The behavior is a concern, whether it's because she's selfish and self-centered or because she's got PPD or both. I don't think you're in much position to do anything about it, though, since she has clearly made you and your kids her targets numerous times. She needs help one way or another, but I think it will have to come from elsewhere. In the meantime all you can do is protect your own kids. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 PS--When I say help is needed, I mean boundaries and psychiatric care. Not more enabling while she triggers dh into a frenzy. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 18, 2022 Share Posted September 18, 2022 Oh ok, I didn't know there was known diagnosis/history, that definitely makes a difference. I personally think it's super troubling she can't manage all her kids at this point. I also think it's super troubling if she is lashing out, making demands, targeting you and yours and not owning and talking about this as an issue. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 18, 2022 Author Share Posted September 18, 2022 (edited) ... Edited September 19, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted September 19, 2022 Share Posted September 19, 2022 I think you FIL had options and it’s not your job to overthink whether or not you should have jumped in on his behalf. It sounds like you SIL had responded. It sounds like your FIL has options. I honestly think with you as an in-law and targeted by your SIL — let others handle it. I am just going to say — there are options besides family care, for her kids. They could hire a babysitter. Other family members could chip in for a babysitter. It’s an option, it exists! I think there are times there are problems but they aren’t problems a given person can solve. I think this is one of those times. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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