Strange juxtaposition: Kid fights school but is good at "life"

[EmilyGF]

Hi everyone,

Still wrapping my head around ds10. He is really a bear to homeschool. He puts tons of energy into opposition and telling me why he shouldn't do school work. We've done a lot of scheduling, habit training, trying new curricula, behavior management, etc etc etc. Some things work some of the time, but he's still, by far, my hardest kid to educate. Some days feel like uphill, hand-to-hand combat.

On the other hand, I really believe he'll be very successful at life. He's very popular wherever he goes and kids naturally follow him. He's a super hard worker and does things like completely clean my kitchen to surprise me. Last night, we had a tree drop a 10" diameter branch due to a storm. He immediately went outside with a hand saw and started working on it. My husband joined him with a power saw, and they worked together until it was completely dealt with, including sweeping up. He makes dinner every Friday night because he likes to and he is learning guitar and practices diligently, without reminder. He is the hardest worker in his karate level and other parents comment on how diligent he is.

What he likes about school: reading biographies (as long as I don't require any output. Sigh.) That's it.

Thoughts on how to school this kiddo?

Emily

[Slache]

I have one like this. I was advised to "find her currency," or the thing she wanted. In her case it's her video game time. If school isn't done, no games. I warned her, she messed up, she cried, she hasn't messed up since. Gotta have that game time.

This means no fight. This is your list, it is required for video games. End of discussion.

[Servant4Christ]

Not much help here, but something I notice just reading your post appears to be similar to my Oldest. Fine motor skills are harder/delayed or something which is why mine likes to read, play sports, work outdoors, cook in the kitchen, ect. Schoolwork that requires any written output at all is just harder. This may not be the case with yours at all, but it's surprisingly common in young boys and most will outgrow this around middle school age which I can clearly see as it's getting easier and less of a fight with mine.

[Momto6inIN]

Agree with Slache.

Also - this is not a bad way for him to be! It's actually pretty typical I think. My DH vividly remembers it being physically painful to sit in school and not be up and doing something "real and useful." He is now a very successful engineer who would shudder at being behind a desk all day every day and thrives on the variety he gets by going to job sites and overseeing projects and getting his hands dirty from time to time. 

[Servant4Christ]

1 hour ago, Slache said:

I have one like this. I was advised to "find her currency," or the thing she wanted. In her case it's her video game time. If school isn't done, no games. I warned her, she messed up, she cried, she hasn't messed up since. Gotta have that game time.

This means no fight. This is your list, it is required for video games. End of discussion.

We had to do something similar. I adjusted our curriculum so that written output is mostly in skills subjects and content subjects are mostly read/discuss. All schoolwork must be done by the same time each day. If it's finished early, we play board games/card games, arts & crafts, science experiments, cook/bake, ect. If schoolwork is not done, no media that day.

Edited June 15, 2022 by Servant4Christ

[Xahm]

Can you make a list of the skills he needs to work on, have him add to it the skills he wants to work on, then brainstorm with him and your dh how to make that happen? Like, learning to analyze what he's read is important, and so is the ability to write clearly, but instead of writing about what he's read, can he make a video or just tell you about it? Then he can practice writing either with a very straightforward curriculum or writing instructions for something he cares about, whichever he things sounds better. If he sees the skill behind each requirement and has a chance to add in his own goals, maybe it will make things more palatable and he will know to push through the less pleasant parts to get to the parts he enjoys more.

[seemesew]

If he likes reading biographies then let him read all he wants! Try to suggest ones about mathematicians and maybe he will want to try some of the problems they were dealing with himself. Maybe taking a class on construction would be his geometry because he'll need to know how to compute for different things.  Just a few thoughts. He doesn't sound college bound and trades might be a better direction for him since they are real life and might be something he enjoys more.

[Green Bean]

Time4Learning to give you a break?

[Malam]

See if any of your friends would let him (or the two of you) shadow them or visit them at their office for a day.

Edited July 6, 2022 by Malam

[Arcadia]

Both my teens are bad at written output but school is hard for DS16. His reading level is high but slow as a young kid so anything that involves reading and writing is frustrating. He falls asleep reading because it tires him out. He does better reading and walking (basically staying in motion) He is also my “whiny” kid so he whines. Hands on stuff he is great because he is less cautious than DS17. We has DS16 evaluated for adhd and autism just in case when he was 8. Then we had him tested using WISC and to not him feel singled out, we had DS17 tested too. Ends up his processing speed while “normal” is way lower than DS17. It means in his case that he takes a longer time to read anything but he needs stuff at his intellectual level. Anyway DS16 has gotten As for community college English and is on path to completing his associate degree in science. I used to work in tech and have seen so many engineers that I supervised succeed with semi-routine work after working hard to get their engineering degree. 

A ten year old preferring hands on work over book work is kind of normal. Even my booksmart DS17 preferred hands on stuff at that age. However, could you ask him what he doesn’t like about school and what he prefers. My DS16 was crying while reading in middle school because it took him so long to read which means he took a long time to finish his math which he could do, which means less playtime. Geometry was easier than algebra for him. He was so happy when I found a chemistry class for him that was predominantly labs. The AP Physics C textbooks are so thin and a perfect match for him and he did well for the exams. 

It could be that your ten year old is a typical kid who rather do hands on then bookwork but if there is something hindering him from enjoying school, its a good age to find out. 

[Roadrunner]

This isn’t what you want to hear, but I have one like that. Nothing helped with his oppositional behavior. He is now in PS. 

[LMD]

Mine got much easier around age 11, I think he finally realised that I wouldn't back down, and a touch more maturity helped. We implemented a daily list and he got much more independent so he could see and plan when he'd be done for the day. And we had lots and lots of talks about why I required what I did, that I knew it was difficult but I needed him to do x to develop y skill because he would need it for z when he was an adult.

Plus, plenty of free time, especially outside time. He sounds like a really sweet kid with heaps of potential! I have such a soft spot for kids like this because mine was an absolute terror for so so long.

[goldenecho]

Possible learning disability?   I was just saying that because my son who is dyslexic was sort of like that for a while.   Sometimes when something is making academics harder than everything else it can come off as just "fighting it."  

[ktgrok]

Sounds like he is like me, and likes things that have an immediate and tangible reward or end point, that have a natural "reward" or consequence. Not an artificial one like a grade that doesn't mean anything to him. 

Make a meal - in an hour or so you have a tangible result of your work, and immediate feedback of people telling you it was yummy

Clean kitchen - in a reasonable amount of time the kitchen is clean. There is an end point. And there is a purpose. 

Cut branches up - there is a purpose, and there is a visual and tangible result of the work. 

Compare that to school work - doing something that feels like busy work with no tangible purpose other than maybe getting into college many many years from now, so that after more years of school he can get a job to then get a piece of paper that says he has money in the bank. That's SO not how our brains actually work - for a reward to create learning pathways in the brain the reward has to be pretty immediate, and it has to be rewarding to the individual. "Getting into college" is not immediate, and the idea of MORE school is not really pleasurable/rewarding to a 10 yr old! 

So, yeah...I get it! I think I'm on his side in this....which isn't helpful, lol. But maybe try to find tanglible examples of how these skills can be used? And ditch as much busy work as possible? 

 

[Not_a_Number]

How are things going with this kiddo? Or are you off for the summer? 

I think a few people have suggested this, but I'd work WITH this kiddo -- figure out what he wants in life and go from there. I strongly believe that motivated learning goes better for people, and people have different motivations. 

I understand he doesn't LIKE schoolwork, but what's he good at? What does he struggle with? 

[Janeway]

He might simply be a more hands on person, which is great. There are many career paths in that and tons of money.