Kanin Posted June 9, 2022 Share Posted June 9, 2022 So I'm feeling like a major curmudgeon tonight. I have a really small house and I don't like it when people come to stay with me because it's 1,000 sq feet with one bathroom. I get all squirrely and claustrophobic. The other day a friend called and said she was planning to be in my area. I asked if she was spending the night, and she was like... yeeesssss? And I told her that I'm not doing guests anymore because of the aforementioned small house and curmudgeonly nature. But now I feel like a total jerk! I don't feel bad enough to offer an invitation though... but still. I did offer to get her a nice hotel room. Sigh. I wish I was more jovial and welcoming to guests. I felt like we were good enough friends to be honest, so I was, but it felt weird. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanin Posted June 9, 2022 Author Share Posted June 9, 2022 Just now, Kanin said: So I'm feeling like a major curmudgeon tonight. I have a really small house and I don't like it when people come to stay with me because it's 1,000 sq feet with one bathroom. I get all squirrely and claustrophobic. The other day a friend called and said she was planning to be in my area. I asked if she was spending the night, and she was like... yeeesssss? And I told her that I'm not doing guests anymore because of the aforementioned small house and curmudgeonly nature. But now I feel like a total jerk! I don't feel bad enough to offer an invitation though... but still. I did offer to get her a nice hotel room. Sigh. I wish I was more jovial and welcoming to guests. I felt like we were good enough friends to be honest, so I was, but it felt weird. She was totally fine with it (at least, she seemed so), which was nice. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 9, 2022 Share Posted June 9, 2022 Why did you ask? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanin Posted June 9, 2022 Author Share Posted June 9, 2022 1 minute ago, Rosie_0801 said: Why did you ask? I asked if she was spending the night in the area. She's stayed with me before so I knew she was expecting me to offer an invitation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted June 9, 2022 Share Posted June 9, 2022 I don’t like hosting guests either. It doesn’t sound to me like you were rude; personally I would never expect anyone to offer for me to stay in their home and I certainly wouldn’t want them to if it makes them uncomfortable. I would much prefer a person to be upfront and honest, as you were. It was very kind of you to offer to find a place for her to stay! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted June 9, 2022 Share Posted June 9, 2022 I have a larger home than you do and my parents just left after spending their visit sleeping at a short term rental. We were all happier this way. Don't think of it as offering her a pedestrian hotel room - you were offering use of your high-end, private guest suite! A retreat for when she needed some quiet time! A sanctuary for waking up in peace and with no line for the bathroom! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted June 10, 2022 Share Posted June 10, 2022 There's no reason for you to feel bad. You were kind in suggesting a nice hotel. You are not a hotel, and it's better that you be honest and up front about what you can do right now. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolate-chip chooky Posted June 10, 2022 Share Posted June 10, 2022 We don't host guests either. Our home is our haven, and we just don't want other people here in our space, especially outside of visiting hours. On the odd occasions that we've had travelling guests, we've paid for a nearby Air BnB. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted June 10, 2022 Share Posted June 10, 2022 This is so interesting, how everyone is different with different desires and perspectives. I have people in my space constantly lol. I literally had to stop myself from thinking, "I wonder if she lives in my area? she could stay here" 🤣 My home is sometimes a revolving door of people. Especially when dd was a student, I had different Duke kids sleeping on my couch anytime she was home. I feed whoever shows up lol. My kids know they don't even have to ask to invite people over for dinner or to crash here if needed. That being said, it is ok for you to say no, it just isn't how I'm wired and it is ok to be different 🙂 . 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted June 10, 2022 Share Posted June 10, 2022 1100sf here, with a 2nd bathroom. I’ve had my sisters and nieces stay, and that’s been mostly fine. My sister-in-law and her kids stayed long term, which is a whole other thing that I can’t really call fine, but we made it work. My cousin and his wife stayed one night and we had a lovely time, but I was dying inside. When people are here, even for a day visit, I feel like I have to constantly pick up and clean. The smaller the space, the fewer thing it takes to make the place look like a disaster area. And we’re open concept, so it’s not like you can go to another room to ignore a tiny mess in the kitchen. Or dining room. Or living room. It’s just THERE. I’m only okay with having my sisters in my mess. Or “mess”. … and able to hear me snore. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanin Posted June 10, 2022 Author Share Posted June 10, 2022 9 hours ago, Ann.without.an.e said: This is so interesting, how everyone is different with different desires and perspectives. I have people in my space constantly lol. I literally had to stop myself from thinking, "I wonder if she lives in my area? she could stay here" Haha! She is welcome to stay with you! Ironically, I do enjoy staying with other people on occasion. When I'm a guest I'm very aware that I might be stressing out my hosts, though, so I try to be an easy guest. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4everHis Posted June 10, 2022 Share Posted June 10, 2022 12 hours ago, Ann.without.an.e said: This is so interesting, how everyone is different with different desires and perspectives. I have people in my space constantly lol. I literally had to stop myself from thinking, "I wonder if she lives in my area? she could stay here" 🤣 My home is sometimes a revolving door of people. Especially when dd was a student, I had different Duke kids sleeping on my couch anytime she was home. I feed whoever shows up lol. My kids know they don't even have to ask to invite people over for dinner or to crash here if needed. That being said, it is ok for you to say no, it just isn't how I'm wired and it is ok to be different 🙂 . This is my dh😁. He doesn't understand why we don't invite everyone to stay all.the.time. I've adjusted and find the main thing that makes it okay with me is if I know when they will leave. Even if I am totally enjoying or looking forward to a visit I want to know the end day. He is obviously a strong extrovert to my introvert. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted June 10, 2022 Share Posted June 10, 2022 2 minutes ago, 4everHis said: This is my dh😁. He doesn't understand why we don't invite everyone to stay all.the.time. I've adjusted and find the main thing that makes it okay with me is if I know when they will leave. Even if I am totally enjoying or looking forward to a visit I want to know the end day. He is obviously a strong extrovert to my introvert. Interesting, I don't think of myself as an extrovert 🤔 I need to think on this for a minute 😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted June 10, 2022 Share Posted June 10, 2022 I think you were fine. I don't think people should expect to stay with a friend in the area - nor really expect friend in area to pick up their motel tab. We have a bigger place, but I'm still not in favor of folks staying here (outside of MIL). When we go anywhere, I strongly prefer to stay in a hotel/AirBnB/whatever. I like seeing friends/relatives in the area, but I also really like my alone/quiet/don't have to interact time. Exceptions, for me, would be MIL (not much of a choice, but she is an easy guest and rarely comes) and any friends of kids that I know need a safe and cheap space for a short time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted June 10, 2022 Share Posted June 10, 2022 Everyone is different. You need to go with your own comfort level. I'm one that LOVES overnight company, especially for a long weekend. We made an effort (with help from the HIVE) to make a comfy guest room. If visiting during the day and the friend going elsewhere at night is your comfort level, that's okay. If you know it's a financial hardship for them, then maybe try to go out of your zone for one night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ema Posted June 10, 2022 Share Posted June 10, 2022 There is something very wonderful about being able to choose who enters your abode and when, and for how long they stay. If she is a good friend, she should know your tendencies and respect your wishes. That being said, due to DH’s occupation, we live somewhat far from family and farther from most of our good friends, so we LOVE when people stay with us. It is like having a haven within our haven to have friends and family stay (except MIL. Sigh. She stays in bed until 10 or 11 am and expects my kids to deliver her coffee. Not happening!). Sometimes friends will choose to stay elsewhere and I am *almost* offended by it, though not really. Our house is small, but we find ways to fit people in if they want to stay. That being said, I do not expect for friends to extend invitations to us if we are traveling in the area, and would not even if we had previously stayed with them. And there is no way I would expect them to pick up a hotel tab! Even if it were just me without the family. So I think you went above and beyond there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted June 11, 2022 Share Posted June 11, 2022 I think the only odd part is asking her if she was staying. I’ve reached a point in my life where I refuse to respond to hints. People can bring up their own awkward subjects or drop it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanin Posted June 11, 2022 Author Share Posted June 11, 2022 2 hours ago, KungFuPanda said: I think the only odd part is asking her if she was staying. I’ve reached a point in my life where I refuse to respond to hints. People can bring up their own awkward subjects or drop it. Yeah, I agree. I just knew she was going to ask, so I decided to head her off at the pass. I guess I’ve reached the point where I can be truthful to a friend, but not yet to the point where I don’t respond to hints. Lol. Maybe that happens next year 🙂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagistraKennedy Posted June 11, 2022 Share Posted June 11, 2022 On 6/9/2022 at 10:39 PM, Ann.without.an.e said: This is so interesting, how everyone is different with different desires and perspectives. I have people in my space constantly lol. I literally had to stop myself from thinking, "I wonder if she lives in my area? she could stay here" 🤣 My home is sometimes a revolving door of people. Especially when dd was a student, I had different Duke kids sleeping on my couch anytime she was home. I feed whoever shows up lol. My kids know they don't even have to ask to invite people over for dinner or to crash here if needed. That being said, it is ok for you to say no, it just isn't how I'm wired and it is ok to be different 🙂 . I think people are just wired differently. There's a part of me that would LIKE to offer space to people, I've learned that it's just not my cup of tea. It stresses me out beforehand, I can't relax while hosting, and I'm worn out afterward. Better to just admit that to myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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