Someone please stop me (elderly relative)

[DawnM]

Ugh.  This is my dad's closest cousin.  He is almost like another brother in my dad's family (my dad came from a family of 5 boys and his cousin came from a family of one boy and 3 girls, so this cousin was often with my dad and his brothers to hang out.)

He is in his early 80s.  

He is constantly posting political things that are from fake news, hoaxes, that sort of stuff.  The latest was clearly not true, far fetched, etc....and a simple google search netted many "this is clearly fake" links.

I have a policy of not getting involved with:

1. rabid political folks on either side

2. not correcting elderly who clearly have their minds set one way or the other.

But I am going to come vent here.......I like when he posts about his family.  I guess I will have to unfollow him, but I will still see it when I check his wall......guess I will brace myself first.

Sigh......this is just a vent.  

[Amira]

Unfollowing people like that helps me.  I still visit their wall every so often, but I can more easily scroll by the junk and just read the good parts rather than having individual crazy posts crop up without warning.

[Halftime Hope]

This is such an easy fix, and you already know what to do.  How about going even further?  If you love him and he's a decent sorta guy, one that you enjoy, block him on your feed and then pick up the phone to stay in touch with him.  That would be ever so much more satisfying.  

There's nothing wrong with declaring your conversations with him to be a politics-free zone, and gently reminding him that that world isn't really his priority, either. (Politics shouldn't make his top three priorities.) But if politics = entertainment for him, you'll have to go into the conversation armed with stories or questions to help him break out of the rut. 

BTDT -- I'll bet you'll be doing his whole family a favor if you can remind him to engage on other topics, too.

 

[ktgrok]

I'll be the odd one out and say that I usually will KINDLY point out that they linked to a fake news item. Something like, "man, that WOULD be terrible! Thankfully, it turns out it's made up - can you believe people do that sort of thing? Best wishes and love you!" and leave a link proving it is not true. Often the person does appreciate knowing it isn't true. And if not, oh well. I'm always kind, not snarky, but if I post something untrue I want to be told!

[2ndGenHomeschooler]

I have a friend like this. Generally speaking, I agree with his political opinions, but the way he presents them and the things he shares about them on Facebook tends to be unkind. He gets most of these “shares” from pages he follows. I click the options on the posts and block the sites he shares from. This definitely limits the amount of junk I see from him while not having to unfollow him. The little that slips through is easier to scroll past. 

[Slache]

If you click on the settings for the post you can stop seeing things from that page. So if Steve posts from The Moon Landing Was Obviously Faked you can block things from The Moon Landing Was Obviously Faked without if affecting your digital relationship with Steve.

I actually rejoined Facebook in the midst of the primaries this past election and very quickly unfollowed all but about eight of my friends. 

[DawnM]

1 hour ago, Halftime Hope said:

This is such an easy fix, and you already know what to do.  How about going even further?  If you love him and he's a decent sorta guy, one that you enjoy, block him on your feed and then pick up the phone to stay in touch with him.  That would be ever so much more satisfying.  

There's nothing wrong with declaring your conversations with him to be a politics-free zone, and gently reminding him that that world isn't really his priority, either. (Politics shouldn't make his top three priorities.) But if politics = entertainment for him, you'll have to go into the conversation armed with stories or questions to help him break out of the rut. 

BTDT -- I'll bet you'll be doing his whole family a favor if you can remind him to engage on other topics, too.

 

 

Oh, he has been told and told and told.  All 3 of his sisters told him to stop even talking to them during Y2K.  And my dad's brothers are at such odds with him that one cut off all communication.   My dad is such a gentle soul that he doesn't push as far, but he has had all sorts of issues over this.

BTW:  All of the above started by trying to be "gentle and loving" and this man pushed and pushed.....because God told him to.  

To him, declaring Jesus and politics are one and the same.....

[DawnM]

7 minutes ago, Slache said:

If you click on the settings for the post you can stop seeing things from that page. So if Steve posts from The Moon Landing Was Obviously Faked you can block things from The Moon Landing Was Obviously Faked without if affecting your digital relationship with Steve.

I actually rejoined Facebook in the midst of the primaries this past election and very quickly unfollowed all but about eight of my friends. 

 

Yup, I have done that multiple times.....but he gathers things from all sorts of places, so stuff still shows up.

[DawnM]

15 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

I'll be the odd one out and say that I usually will KINDLY point out that they linked to a fake news item. Something like, "man, that WOULD be terrible! Thankfully, it turns out it's made up - can you believe people do that sort of thing? Best wishes and love you!" and leave a link proving it is not true. Often the person does appreciate knowing it isn't true. And if not, oh well. I'm always kind, not snarky, but if I post something untrue I want to be told!

 

Yeah, as stated above, that wont' go well.

[ktgrok]

Gotcha. Willful ignorance then, not "old guy fooled by the internet". 

[DawnM]

6 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

Gotcha. Willful ignorance then, not "old guy fooled by the internet". 

 

Yeah, he was like this before the internet.  Sigh.

[G5052]

1 hour ago, DawnM said:

 

Yeah, he was like this before the internet.  Sigh.

 

I have a relative like that. Always after the latest conspiracy theory and somewhat paranoid. 

I cannot live that way, so I deal with it when we're together and let it go.

[J-rap]

I only point out fake news stuff to my mother.  (My father doesn't fall for any of it.)

Everyone else, I un-follow.  I have a beloved older relative who I've looked up to all my life.  It's been such a disappointment to learn about some of his inner-opinions.  I really wish I didn't know that.  How can someone be so decent yet believe such dumb stuff?  

Un-following helps a lot.  Of course, now I know what I know, and I can't un-forget.  But at least I'm not being bombarded by it.  I try and focus on the all good and kind things he has done in his life, and realize that some weird stuff must have happened along the way in his life to get him to hold some of the opinions he now holds.

[Janeway]

After a certain age, you just smile and nod a lot. Or not smile. Doesn't matter. But for someone in their 80's, unless you are concerned they will end up being taken advantage of, no point in correcting that stuff.

[Halftime Hope]

14 hours ago, DawnM said:

 

Oh, he has been told and told and told.  All 3 of his sisters told him to stop even talking to them during Y2K.  And my dad's brothers are at such odds with him that one cut off all communication.   My dad is such a gentle soul that he doesn't push as far, but he has had all sorts of issues over this.

BTW:  All of the above started by trying to be "gentle and loving" and this man pushed and pushed.....because God told him to.  

To him, declaring Jesus and politics are one and the same.....

Sorry to have been barking up the wrong tree.  Then unfollow him, and if even phone calls are out of the question, your only option then would be to friends the more distant relative you want to stay informed about.

[Ellie]

I rarely go to my Friends' timelines/walls/whateverit'scallednow. I just read the things that show up on my own timeline. And I have been known to snooze people. Because most of the time, corrections, gentle or otherwise, go unheeded, and it's just easier to snooze someone. Also, as someone else pointed out, if someone shares something from a site that I find offensive, I hide that site forever.

[Serenade]

On 12/6/2018 at 6:36 AM, Amira said:

Unfollowing people like that helps me.  I still visit their wall every so often, but I can more easily scroll by the junk and just read the good parts rather than having individual crazy posts crop up without warning.

 

This is what I do.  And when I visit their wall to check on family stuff, I mentally prepare myself for the icky stuff I don't like to read.  

[Farrar]

People in that situation make me so sad. There was a piece in WaPo was about a guy who makes up fake news for fun (gross) and a woman who believes it all. And the tale of the woman was just so depressing. She used to have a life, she used to travel, see friends, do other things... now she just holes up and posts a constant stream of conspiracy theories on her Facebook wall.

I agree with others - unfollow. I wish there were a solution that actually helped the person in question though.

[Tanaqui]

Do you have a link to that article, Farrar?

[Faith-manor]

On 12/6/2018 at 8:10 AM, Ktgrok said:

I'll be the odd one out and say that I usually will KINDLY point out that they linked to a fake news item. Something like, "man, that WOULD be terrible! Thankfully, it turns out it's made up - can you believe people do that sort of thing? Best wishes and love you!" and leave a link proving it is not true. Often the person does appreciate knowing it isn't true. And if not, oh well. I'm always kind, not snarky, but if I post something untrue I want to be told!

I did this with my niece who is easily taken in with crazy conspiracy theories, and thinks memes are actually The News. She has untreated bi-polar disorder - uses only essential oils - so I know that this is a factor in why she thinks these things. Trying to be kind, and a voice of reason. Probably won't work, but giving it the old college try as the saying goes.