What’s involved in getting an international driver’s license?

[Mbelle]

It probably can't hurt to see what lessons will do and evaluate after that.  My ds is picking up driving rather quickly.  

[regentrude]

11 minutes ago, jdahlquist said:

If she is driving too quickly, another thing could be the confusion over changing form kilometers/hour to mph.  If she is used to looking at the speedometer and going 100 (KM/H) and looks down and sees 60, then it may seem to her that she is going too slowly. 

Especially if she had little driving experience at home and never got to develop the feeling for how fast she is going. That takes several years. Driving an unfamiliar vehicle which will sound and respond differently makes it even harder.

[madteaparty]

25 minutes ago, Roadrunner said:

 

The time it will take to send this one home and get another one is huge. That’s why I feel like couple of hours of private lessons are worth it. I am assuming here that she isn’t lying and has driven couple of hours a week in the past and it’s  just a matter of being intimidated by a new country and an automatic car. 

Also, if I were you, I would look for a retired person in town or a college student ASAP who would be willing to do the driving. That could be a quick temporary fix. Any public bulletin boards at a local community center? Post!

 

I’m not switching to a new au pair. If this one goes back I’m hiring a driver. A’s life is all sorted with her activities mostly. It’s the boy with his weird schedule. There’s no one willing to do the driving, we have some carpools set up already with neighbors and such. Most people do not have such crazy schedule as my kid. 

I have to say, as a public announcement, take anything told by an au pair agency, exchange program, even government-ran one and discount by 100%.  This is my cautionary tale. 

I’m almost 100% sure she has not in fact been driving twice weekly for almost two years, which is what her application said. 

Edited September 10, 2018 by madteaparty

[madteaparty]

19 minutes ago, Mbelle said:

It probably can't hurt to see what lessons will do and evaluate after that.  My ds is picking up driving rather quickly.  

Well except that if it’s hopeless I don’t want to spend another couple weeks/approx 600 usd just to get confirmation that nope you’re still not driving my kid.

[madteaparty]

25 minutes ago, jdahlquist said:

If she is driving too quickly, another thing could be the confusion over changing form kilometers/hour to mph.  If she is used to looking at the speedometer and going 100 (KM/H) and looks down and sees 60, then it may seem to her that she is going too slowly.  

I would think it is probably a fixable problem; my DD was slow to learn to drive but a little experience and confidence made all of the difference in the world.

Um, I don’t think she’s looking. I told DH to point to the 40 and tell her not to let the needle go past. That’s where we are. 

[Liz CA]

6 hours ago, madteaparty said:

Obviously I asked. Many times. It was pretty much the only topic of conversation because I have a  7 year old that’s in school or extracurriculars everyday until 5(and sometimes comes home with our neighbors) and a 14 year old.  Au pair is 21. 

I should've gone with my initial instinct of hiring a driver. But that just seemed weird. 

The driving here is the easiest you can imagine, rural and hardly any cars.

 

Hmmm, seems odd that she is having so much trouble. Is her command of English good? Could it be she is misunderstanding instructions, traffic laws?

[Bootsie]

It sounds as if you really are needing a driver much more than you are needing an au pair.  I have driven a great deal internationally, and I will say that it takes me a week or so to feel comfortable driving a different car, in a country with a different language, in a place where I don't know directions; that is even with a great deal of driving experience in the US and abroad.  I think both of my children would have an adjustment period driving a different car in a foreign country, even though they drive daily in the US, they have travelled extensively abroad and are familiar with the roads, and DD is fluent in the language.  

[Arcadia]

54 minutes ago, Roadrunner said:

My mom, who can drive in the most insane city, was freaking out in my town just because it’s a different country. Silly really. She was going 20 miles an hour on a 55 mike an hour two way road and panicking that hills prevented her from seeing what was ahead. ? I am rolling my eyes here because her driving skills in Bombay like conditions are at 100%. 

 

My husband found it easier driving in San Francisco with all the jaywalking, cars and motorbikes swerving in and out, than on I-5 which was way too peaceful. 

15 minutes ago, madteaparty said:

I’m almost 100% sure she has not in fact been driving twice weekly for almost two years, which is what her application said. 

 

My dad drove from home to school to home when he was a teacher decades ago. He drove five days a week but only one fixed route and it’s like 4miles down two major city streets (one direction, five lanes). 

My husband drives daily but is dependent on the GPS until he memorized the route. He has been picking us up from the tennis center twice a week for the past 13 weeks and still needs GPS for the drive home when I could tell him a few different routes to get home. Different ability. 

[prairiewindmomma]

A few thoughts:

1. I agree that her driving skills have been misrepresented.  I learned to drive at 14 on a manual transmission, and switching over to an automatic one (driving my grandmother to the doctor) was no big deal.  I figured out what to do with my feet about five minutes into driving her. (My left foot had only ever been used for the clutch and now was stationery.)

2. I think this is an issue that should be brought up with the au pair agency. I assume you have already done so. They should have some sort of certification process for driving skills that is entirely on them.

3. I'd hire a driver. It sounds like that's primarily what you need anyway.

[madteaparty]

Thanks. We’ve already established DS will continue taking a taxi/Uber to his midday school 3 days a week unless a parent is working from home.  So what’s needed now is the local (less than 15 min one way) driving from an activity or drop off point). 

I do need childcare for when my DH starts travelling again or I have a late night. We also work from home quite a bit so ours is a bit of an extreme schedule. Hence the aupair. 

[madteaparty]

24 minutes ago, Liz CA said:

 

Hmmm, seems odd that she is having so much trouble. Is her command of English good? Could it be she is misunderstanding instructions, traffic laws?

Her English is awful but I’ve been showing her YouTube videos, DS has been translating the salient points into French, and lastly STOP or LEFT she knows. 

[madteaparty]

14 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

 

My husband found it easier driving in San Francisco with all the jaywalking, cars and motorbikes swerving in and out, than on I-5 which was way too peaceful. 

 

My dad drove from home to school to home when he was a teacher decades ago. He drove five days a week but only one fixed route and it’s like 4miles down two major city streets (one direction, five lanes). 

My husband drives daily but is dependent on the GPS until he memorized the route. He has been picking us up from the tennis center twice a week for the past 13 weeks and still needs GPS for the drive home when I could tell him a few different routes to get home. Different ability. 

I’m the same with GPS, but we aren’t talking about directions here, just the basic mechanics of driving. 

[maize]

Not responding when your husband says to turn left may be a language issue. She may know the English words for left and right but they don't have automatic meaning for her and while she is focused on driving she doesn't have the brain power to process and translate.

Similar with stop sign--the sign itself has no automatic meaning to her brain. The shape means nothing. The word means nothing. She has to process everything consciously that a person who has grown up in this country would understand automatically on a subconscious level.

 

[Roadrunner]

21 minutes ago, madteaparty said:

Thanks. We’ve already established DS will continue taking a taxi/Uber to his midday school 3 days a week unless a parent is working from home.  

 

I am hoping you find the most amazing Uber driver who will be willing to do all your driving privately and become your special helper. That would make life easier. 

 

This is just so irresponsible from the au pair agency. I mean to get through all this expense... 

[Arcadia]

2 minutes ago, madteaparty said:

I’m the same with GPS, but we aren’t talking about directions here, just the basic mechanics of driving. 

 

I understand. What I meant was that she could be driving twice weekly on a regular route in her hometown and panic when she is driving a car that doesn’t belong to her, on unfamiliar roads, with your husband observing her driving, and not being fully conversant in English. 

My husband was more worried driving the corporate rental car than driving a personal rental car or our own car because he would feel embarrassed if the car was hit even if it was not his fault. Having to go through HR feels more stressful than doing whatever insurance claims direct when our car was hit by a driver who wasn’t paying attention.

My husband also feels judged when chauffeuring his parents who really criticize his driving, compared to his paternal aunts who would tease but not criticize his driving. I’m not saying your husband is critical, just that having a stranger in the car can cause anxiety, especially if she feels she is being evaluated on her driving skills. 

[madteaparty]

7 minutes ago, maize said:

Not responding when your husband says to turn left may be a language issue. She may know the English words for left and right but they don't have automatic meaning for her and while she is focused on driving she doesn't have the brain power to process and translate.

Similar with stop sign--the sign itself has no automatic meaning to her brain. The shape means nothing. The word means nothing. She has to process everything consciously that a person who has grown up in this country would understand automatically on a subconscious level.

 

No I get that. I am ESL myself and like I said I learned to drive in my mid 30s. They way she behaves behind the wheel is exactly like I behaved when I FIRST got behind the wheel as a student. Like, I’m so focused on going straight I go too fast! So focused on signaling I fail to slow when turning and whiplash! Like she’s so focused on keeping her left foot off the brake she ignores every single rule. And put my kids in this car now? Ever? *I * would not drive my own kids for a long while after I had my license...

[maize]

7 minutes ago, madteaparty said:

No I get that. I am ESL myself and like I said I learned to drive in my mid 30s. They way she behaves behind the wheel is exactly like I behaved when I FIRST got behind the wheel as a student. Like, I’m so focused on going straight I go too fast! So focused on signaling I fail to slow when turning and whiplash! Like she’s so focused on keeping her left foot off the brake she ignores every single rule. And put my kids in this car now? Ever? *I * would not drive my own kids for a long while after I had my license...

 

Sounds like there is no automaticity for her at any point in the process, yes.

I would think that most people with some driving experience could make the transition in a few weeks for simple driving like you describe--the same straight forward route. 

I guess what you can't tell at this point is if she is just having a rocky start with too many things to keep track of consciously or if she is one of the minority who will never become comfortable driving.

[Matryoshka]

18 minutes ago, maize said:

Similar with stop sign--the sign itself has no automatic meaning to her brain. The shape means nothing. The word means nothing. She has to process everything consciously that a person who has grown up in this country would understand automatically on a subconscious level.

 

Uh, the stop signs are the same shape (octagon) and color (red) in France. And you know what they say on them?  STOP.  Same four letters as here. It's an international symbol, to avoid such a problem. When I was double-checking to make sure I remembered that right, I found out the new to me fact that the French language police have officially declared 'stop' a French word to explain this. ?

[gingersmom]

1 hour ago, Roadrunner said:

 

The time it will take to send this one home and get another one is huge. That’s why I feel like couple of hours of private lessons are worth it. I am assuming here that she isn’t lying and has driven couple of hours a week in the past and it’s  just a matter of being intimidated by a new country and an automatic car. 

Also, if I were you, I would look for a retired person in town or a college student ASAP who would be willing to do the driving. That could be a quick temporary fix. Any public bulletin boards at a local community center? Post!

 

 

1 hour ago, Roadrunner said:

 

The time it will take to send this one home and get another one is huge. That’s why I feel like couple of hours of private lessons are worth it. I am assuming here that she isn’t lying and has driven couple of hours a week in the past and it’s  just a matter of being intimidated by a new country and an automatic car. 

Also, if I were you, I would look for a retired person in town or a college student ASAP who would be willing to do the driving. That could be a quick temporary fix. Any public bulletin boards at a local community center? Post!

 

From my past experience, the au pair agency handles everything. It was not uncommon for girls to leave one home and be placed in another. Our au pair left on a Friday and we had a new one as soon as we wanted.

[Miss Tick]

Really, even if she learned "quickly" (from a driving school), would you be comfortable with her transporting your children in the next three months? In my state there is a 6 month wait for new learners before the state allows unrelated passengers. Granted your situation is a bit murky, and sometimes government regulations are poorly thought through, but this is about how you all feel. It doesn't sound like you would be super comfortable with her driving this semester, even if someone else drives around with her for a few hours and signs her off.

[madteaparty]

12 minutes ago, SusanC said:

Really, even if she learned "quickly" (from a driving school), would you be comfortable with her transporting your children in the next three months? In my state there is a 6 month wait for new learners before the state allows unrelated passengers. Granted your situation is a bit murky, and sometimes government regulations are poorly thought through, but this is about how you all feel. It doesn't sound like you would be super comfortable with her driving this semester, even if someone else drives around with her for a few hours and signs her off.

Oh, legally speaking she can drive the kids now with her international driver’s license. It’s a crazy thing. 

[madteaparty]

26 minutes ago, gingersmom said:

 

From my past experience, the au pair agency handles everything. It was not uncommon for girls to leave one home and be placed in another. Our au pair left on a Friday and we had a new one as soon as we wanted.

I don’t want to jump from the frying pan into the fire. Any replacement au pair would have had one family that it didn’t work out for some reason. This girl is fine and helpful. But for that one thing ??

[unsinkable]

2 hours ago, madteaparty said:

I’m not switching to a new au pair. If this one goes back I’m hiring a driver. A’s life is all sorted with her activities mostly. It’s the boy with his weird schedule. There’s no one willing to do the driving, we have some carpools set up already with neighbors and such. Most people do not have such crazy schedule as my kid. 

I have to say, as a public announcement, take anything told by an au pair agency, exchange program, even government-ran one and discount by 100%.  This is my cautionary tale. 

I’m almost 100% sure she has not in fact been driving twice weekly for almost two years, which is what her application said. 

It kind of reminds of the reality show Below Deck. The 3rd stew had all these trainings and experiences listed on her resume.

it turns out she was on a ship that never left the dock. And once she got on the yacht in the Med she spent the first few weeks in her rack incapacitated by seasickness.

[Miss Tick]

8 minutes ago, madteaparty said:

Oh, legally speaking she can drive the kids now with her international driver’s license. It’s a crazy thing. 

Yes, that is really my point. She is already considered ok to drive and that doesn't work for you. Sounds like you might be able to put together alternate drivers and use her for childcare. Then in the meantime work on her driving fluency. Ooo, maybe you could buy an old, speed-limited armoured car for her to drive. ? (Is it too early to laugh about it?)

[madteaparty]

Just now, SusanC said:

Yes, that is really my point. She is already considered ok to drive and that doesn't work for you. Sounds like you might be able to put together alternate drivers and use her for childcare. Then in the meantime work on her driving fluency. Ooo, maybe you could buy an old, speed-limited armoured car for her to drive. ? (Is it too early to laugh about it?)

Never too soon to laugh. But the joke is on me as we will in fact have to  buy another car, if we ever had a driver that is...

 

[mumto2]

11 minutes ago, SusanC said:

Really, even if she learned "quickly" (from a driving school), would you be comfortable with her transporting your children in the next three months? In my state there is a 6 month wait for new learners before the state allows unrelated passengers. Granted your situation is a bit murky, and sometimes government regulations are poorly thought through, but this is about how you all feel. It doesn't sound like you would be super comfortable with her driving this semester, even if someone else drives around with her for a few hours and signs her off.

 

I have to say I agree.  I have two newly licensed drivers who graduated from an intensive driving school and received their licenses.  I  wouldn’t put your children in the car with them to be honest and the instructor proudly claims ds as her best ever student.  ;?  Too distracting and frankly they are having to think too hard to drive.  I have noticed they are actually better driver’s when they have traffic to contend with.  Rural roads seem to be where to odd things happen.  What will she do if an animal is near the road asks the mom who experienced an emergency stop recently?  Yah, no other cars and the kid did know that but ..........the animal looked like it might enter the road apparently.

 

 

 

[maize]

1 hour ago, Matryoshka said:

 

Uh, the stop signs are the same shape (octagon) and color (red) in France. And you know what they say on them?  STOP.  Same four letters as here. It's an international symbol, to avoid such a problem. When I was double-checking to make sure I remembered that right, I found out the new to me fact that the French language police have officially declared 'stop' a French word to explain this. ?

Interesting. I never noticed one in three years in France.

They are uncommon, especially in cities:

https://www.thelocal.fr/20121004/paris-only-has-one-stop-sign-police

[AmandaVT]

7 hours ago, regentrude said:

But when you want to brake with a manual, you have to simultaneously press the clutch with the left foot in order not to kill the engine, and with much more pressure than you would need on the brake. So braking involves an instinctive slamming of the left foot on a pedal - and if there's no clutch, it is likely to land on the brake unless you consciously think about it or have enough experience . Causing the car to come to a violent jerky stop.

Happened to me many times when switching to automatic after driving my usual manual. 

 

I drive a manual and have had a few similar moments when driving my husband's automatic. Coming to a stop, your left foot really really wants to press the clutch down and will look for a pedal to step on. 

That said, if the only reason you hired an au pair is to drive your kiddo and she can't drive, I'd get a new one if possible.

[madteaparty]

The stop sign thing is irrelevant,  because we’ve been through it with her as I mentioned upthread.

thanks everyone for talking me through. Dh’s and my gut matches in that there is no way we feel comfortable ever letting her drive our kids, and we are not the most protective of parents (we both work after all ;)) DH also had to suffer through me learning to drive so I trust his judgment on how bad it is. A new family will be found for her, and I told the coordinator she would be great for a family that doesn’t need someone to drive. She gets to stay in our house and provide childcare in the meantime and we go through another mad mad scramble.

maybe my parents will fly in, fingers crossed...

Edited September 10, 2018 by madteaparty

[regentrude]

10 minutes ago, madteaparty said:

Dh’s and my gut matches in that there is no way we feel comfortable ever letting her drive our kids

from what you wrote about her driving, I was going to suggest the same. I would not feel comfortable with having her drive children, even after taking remedial driving instruction. She is just too inexperienced.

[Matryoshka]

1 hour ago, maize said:

Interesting. I never noticed one in three years in France.

They are uncommon, especially in cities:

https://www.thelocal.fr/20121004/paris-only-has-one-stop-sign-police

 

LOL, I saw that article when I was double-checking that Stop signs look the same in France.  I just figured in a big city like Paris, there were traffic lights instead of stop signs.  Are there not stop signs at intersections?  They just drive on through?  That could explain a lot.  I'm thinking France may need to be put in the crazy driving basket with Italy (I've visited but never driven in France.  Driving in Italy was hair-raising...)

[maize]

6 minutes ago, Matryoshka said:

 

LOL, I saw that article when I was double-checking that Stop signs look the same in France.  I just figured in a big city like Paris, there were traffic lights instead of stop signs.  Are there not stop signs at intersections?  They just drive on through?  That could explain a lot.  I'm thinking France may need to be put in the crazy driving basket with Italy (I've visited but never driven in France.  Driving in Italy was hair-raising...)

Roundabouts.

Everywhere roundabouts.

And yield to the right.