Divorced & homeschooling

[Lovedtodeath]

You will need counseling no matter what the details end up being. I know you know this, but for other readers, an abusive spouse needs *specific* help to recover and generalized "marriage" or individual counseling does not address the issues involved in abuse.

 

There *are* many wonderful marriage restoration resources that work in many situations. I encourage people to seek them. They do not, however, work in abuse situations.

 

It would be my preference that your marriage heal and thrive. But the *reality* of abuse recovery is dismal. It's unfortunately dismal from the abuser and the victim as the victim tends to stay in the same dysfunctional patterns as well.

 

Living in an abusive situation, even and sometimes especially in one in which you are never physically hit, is a he** that can't be described. NO ONE EVER DESERVES that. NEVER. Not for being human, making mistakes, having a messy house, not being affectionate, for being too tired for sex, for being impatient, unkind, or having some of your own dysfunctional issues. An abusive marriage is not Biblical; it is not God's design for marriage. An abusive marriage is a marriage on paper only.

 

 

Joanne, I really appreciate what you have to say here. One thing I noticed is that the abused one also has dysfunctional patterns. These patterns are often played out with the next relationship.

 

What you have to say is probably true. My DH did sneaky abuse, never hitting. It was the type of abuse that even I was scratching my head over and not sure if it was really happening. We overcame it. It can be doen.

[stephanie]

Everyone's prayers and well wishes have been overwhelming. I've decided to stay the execution for a little while, I talked to a lawyer today and I didn't like or feel comfortable about what was said. I can change a few things so, I'm going to do that...work on paying off my debt, getting counseling (I need some for myself and we need it together-if he'll go, oh fun) and I'll have to get a part-time night job to accomplish some financial goals.

In the long run, I'm not staying but I can leave smarter than this. Before I leave, I will make sure I can provide the kids stability on my own instead of thrusting us out there scrambling to make ends meet and sending them off to school. There is emotional/mental abuse involved and if he's reading this, so be it. It's not my fault. He has a huge opportunity and time to change if he wishes, finally that I know what IS happening, I can address it on my end too.

 

Jessica, I've been reading your thread and I can't sleep tonight. I'm feeling so

heavy-hearted for you. I'll be praying for you, your babies, and your dh. You have been such an example to all of us homeschoolers here. We're all here to support you in whatever you need!

[Joanne]

Joanne, I really appreciate what you have to say here. One thing I noticed is that the abused one also has dysfunctional patterns. These patterns are often played out with the next relationship.

 

What you have to say is probably true. My DH did sneaky abuse, never hitting. It was the type of abuse that even I was scratching my head over and not sure if it was really happening. We overcame it. It can be doen.

 

Abuse without hitting is insidious. And the response to it from pockets of society serves only to abuse the victim more.

 

It *can* be overcome; it's exceedingly rare. :crying:

 

2 "good" books on the topic:

 

Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans

[Lovedtodeath]

Abuse without hitting is insidious. And the response to it from pockets of society serves only to abuse the victim more.

I could not agree more.

[Sweetpeach]

Loving you, Trivium . . . all day.

 

I'm believing that the God you both serve will woo you to Himself and towards each other.

 

 

xoxo

Tricia

[Trivium Academy]

What you have to say is probably true. My DH did sneaky abuse, never hitting. It was the type of abuse that even I was scratching my head over and not sure if it was really happening. We overcame it. It can be doen.

It was done [overcame] in your case but every single abuse case is different, there are different dynamics at play. No two abusers are exactly alike. There are types of emotional abusers that can escalate more rapidly into physical abusers.

 

The truth of the matter is, I'm still finding out just how twisted my 'life' has been as I read more and more about it. Being able to highlight 80% of a book that is about abuse is not the best feeling in the world.

 

Certain behaviors that the Christian marriage books say to do to support and edify your man are the same behaviors that may increase and magnify an abuser's tactics and in the end make the spouse's life even worse. The spouse thinking she is doing her best to have a Christian marriage has now given her spouse ammunition to use against her and a way to use her faith to control and manipulate her. Do as I say or you're going against God.

 

While I appreciate the book suggestions and different types of counseling advice, I'm going straight to the domestic violence shelter to seek help once I get the courage. I 'know' I need to, it the actual action that I'm procrastinating on.

 

I don't know where this road is going to lead, my goal is to be healthy no matter what path it takes me down. Healthy for me and the kids.

 

If you suspect you are in an abusive relationship:

Why Does He Do That? Inside the minds of angry controlling men by Lundy Bancroft, immediately read Chapter 5- Signs of Abuse

 

http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-abuse/

http://www.drirene.com/verbal1.htm

(In that last link, I fall under 'critical')

 

The fact that I've reached out and talked about this is HUGE. I'm still hiding the book I'm reading from dh.

 

I don't want sympathy at all. A little understanding maybe, a chance to say something against what I'm experiencing-probably my motivating factor.

[mrsdash]

Jessica,

Like many here, I'm worried for and about you. You've been on my mind a lot. We know you will do the best thing for you and the children. I grew up in an abusive family and I understand. I left home very young because of it, my brother did the same. That left my mom there alone to deal with the abuse. She left for a shelter soon after and it was the beginning of hope for her. There are lots of people here with our arms around you. You seem like a strong, level-headed woman and I have no doubts that you will come out of this alright.

[Blueridge]

I do not, in any way, mean to minimize the gravity of your situation, and I feel your pain very deeply and send prayers up for you each day. I did want to ask if there is any possibility at all this could be a physiological disorder with your husband? The reason I ask is because, during my high school years, my band director was a very talented but controlling and verbally abusive man. His students struggled, and his dear wife paid dearly. Years later, he was diagnosed with advanced diabetes, which left his emotions completely unstable and his behavior erratic. He improved dramatically after beginning treatment. I just wanted to throw that out there in case there was a slight chance your husband might improve his behavior through medical intervention. Praying for a smooth day for you all today~

Ginger

[Trivium Academy]

I don't know, over the years I've looked into various disorders trying to diagnose him- narcissism, bi-polar, manic-depressive, etc. he never seemed to fit just right into any of them, like a square peg in a round hole- it almost fits but those pesky corners! Lol. Only a professional trained in dealing with abusive behavior will be able to say whether he has a contributing symptom, but from what I've read- disorders do not create abusers, they can contribute to more frequent or severe abuse due to the abuser dealing with symptoms but it is not what makes an abuser abusive.

 

From what Bancroft says in his book, finding a counselor that can effectively handle abusers is a difficult thing to do. Abusers make allies very easily.

 

I've been reading the book slowly, feeling the need to hide it- not being able to read too much in a single session b/c it's hard to swallow but also wanting to read more b/c it is my life- desperate to know/understand more. I'm dancing right now, as I learn about what sets him off, I'm being careful not to push in that direction but also seeing how everyday occurrences are harmful- things I've just accepted as normal.

 

It's like finding out your favorite morning cereal has been poisoning you slowly for years. Instead of being able to identify the cereal as the culprit, you medicate yourself for upset stomach, you change everything else in your life and routine but the cereal b/c you love it.

 

Then once you realize it's the cereal that is the culprit, you're so far from the person you once were that you're disoriented. You're sick, but the cereal is also your comfort food, yet it hurts you. You rationalize, find ways to deal with the symptoms just to be able to keep your cereal- all the while, it's still poisoning you. Other people can eat your cereal and not get sick so you again you rationalize that it must be you although you already identified that it is the cereal that is poisoning you.

[8filltheheart]

I don't know, over the years I've looked into various disorders trying to diagnose him- narcissism, bi-polar, manic-depressive, etc. he never seemed to fit just right into any of them, like a square peg in a round hole- it almost fits but those pesky corners! Lol. Only a professional trained in dealing with abusive behavior will be able to say whether he has a contributing symptom, but from what I've read- disorders do not create abusers, they can contribute to more frequent or severe abuse due to the abuser dealing with symptoms but it is not what makes an abuser abusive.

.

 

Mental illness never fits neatly into a box b/c typically disorders overlap and there is more than one.

 

I disagree that they do not create abusers. When my ds is on his medication, his physical violence seems to disappear. We still haven't perfected his meds so his verbal abuse is still evident.

 

Mental illness is real and the behavior is the result.

 

However, all that said, it doesn't matter at all if the individual doesn't seek treatment for himself and work in conjunction with the therapy.

[Trivium Academy]

The Mentally Ill or Addicted Abuser, pg. 101 from Why does he do that? by L. Bancroft

 

This last category is not actually separate from the others; an abusive man of any of the aforementioned styles can also have psychiatric or substance-abuse problems, although the majority do not. Even when mental illnes or addiction is a factor, it is not the cause of a man's abuse of his partner, but it can contribute to the severity of the problem and his resistance to change. When these additional problems are present, it is important to be aware of the following points:

 

1. Certain mental illnesses can increase the chance that an abuser will be dangerous and use physical violence. (Laundry list of mental illnesses) These psychiatric conditions also make it next to impossible for an abuser to change, at least until the mental illness has been brought under control through therapy and/or medication, which can take years. Even if the mental illness is properly treated, his abusiveness won't necessarily change.

 

2. An abuser's reactions to going on or off medication are unpredictable.

 

3. The potential dnanger of a mentally ill abuser has to be assessed by looking at the severity of his psychiatric symptoms in combination with the severity of his abuse characteristics. Looking at his psychiatric symptoms alone can lead to underestimating how dangerous he is.

 

4. Antisocial personality disorder is present in only a small percentage of abusers but can be important. (more about this)

 

5. Narcissistic personality disorder have a highly distorted self-image, also in small percentage of abusers. (more about this)

 

6. Many abusers who are not mentally ill want women to think that they are, in order to avoid responsibility for their attitudes and behavior.

 

Substance abuse, like mental illness, does not cause partner abuse but can increase the risk of violence.

 

I just thought I would share what I read...I'm not arguing b/c what do I know?

[8filltheheart]

I can just tell you from our experience from our ds. People that are in the middle of an extreme mental "crisis" are reactionary. In situations where if he is on his meds and has more mental control, physical reactions are less likely.

[Melissa in St Louis]

Still praying for you!:grouphug: You are so strong!:D

 

Melissa in St Louis

[Scarlett]

I can just tell you from our experience from our ds. People that are in the middle of an extreme mental "crisis" are reactionary. In situations where if he is on his meds and has more mental control, physical reactions are less likely.

 

 

Jessica, I agree with the above, from experience with people in my own life.

 

I certainly am not judging your situation from afar...if I knew details I might be saying 'run, run for your life.' :) However, if this is fairly new behavior OR newly intensified patterns, please do not underestimate the stress your dh is under from the death of his mother.

 

That is in no way an attempt to justify any abusive behavior...just something I've been thinking since you first started this thread.

[Renee in NC]

Jessica, I agree with the above, from experience with people in my own life.

 

I certainly am not judging your situation from afar...if I knew details I might be saying 'run, run for your life.' :) However, if this is fairly new behavior OR newly intensified patterns, please do not underestimate the stress your dh is under from the death of his mother.

 

That is in no way an attempt to justify any abusive behavior...just something I've been thinking since you first started this thread.

 

I don't know the situation or the details, but this caught my eye. My dh lost his mother 6 years ago and it turned him into someone that seemed totally new! It took him several years to get back to something more liek what I remember.

[Trivium Academy]

I don't know the situation or the details, but this caught my eye. My dh lost his mother 6 years ago and it turned him into someone that seemed totally new! It took him several years to get back to something more liek what I remember.

 

No, this has been happening from the beginning, 6 years ago in cycles that have become larger and more intense as time has gone on. He was abusive towards his mother while we were dating although both she and he said they were only 'joking' with each other. I was still appalled but let it go since she did.

[Storm Bay]

No, this has been happening from the beginning, 6 years ago in cycles that have become larger and more intense as time has gone on. He was abusive towards his mother while we were dating although both she and he said they were only 'joking' with each other. I was still appalled but let it go since she did.

 

:grouphug:Jessica:grouphug:

 

The sooner you can muster the courage, the better, because this is a bonafide reason to leave and seek help ASAP. You are an intelligent woman, a dedicated mother, and you deserve to be loved unconditionally as well as to be treated kindly and with respect and you would be even if you were not intelligent and not so dedicated! Scriptures I go to when I need to bolster my courage are Joshua 1:9 & Phil 4:13, among many others.

[bkpan]

:grouphug:Jessica:grouphug:

 

The sooner you can muster the courage, the better, because this is a bonafide reason to leave and seek help ASAP. You are an intelligent woman, a dedicated mother, and you deserve to be loved unconditionally as well as to be treated kindly and with respect and you would be even if you were not intelligent and not so dedicated! Scriptures I go to when I need to bolster my courage are Joshua 1:9 & Phil 4:13, among many others.

 

I know your heart's intent is to help, but this is exactly why it is dangerous to post emotional, marital concerns on a message board.

 

We cannot counsel someone to leave her husband and family based on message board postings.

 

Please be careful and take your concerns, prayerfully, to someone qualified to help your ENTIRE family, Jessica.

 

Kim

[Joanne]

I know your heart's intent is to help, but this is exactly why it is dangerous to post emotional, marital concerns on a message board.

 

We cannot counsel someone to leave her husband and family based on message board postings.

 

Please be careful and take your concerns, prayerfully, to someone qualified to help your ENTIRE family, Jessica.

 

OTOH, we never get called out when a poster is told, page after page, to work harder, stay, read "X" book, etc.

[mrsdash]

OTOH, we never get called out when a poster is told, page after page, to work harder, stay, read "X" book, etc.

 

Absolutely. I think she can thumb through here and take what advice suits her and just appreciate the rest. We will all see this situation slightly different but bottom line, we all want to offer our help in any way we can.

[Titus.Two.Five]

{{Hugs!}}

 

I have a huge house...my hubby works out of state all week, if you *ever* want to get away, or a place to stay, I have plenty of room. Seriously! :001_smile:

 

In fact, the upstairs level of our garage (4 car sized) is, as I type, being converted to an area with 2 bedrooms, full bathroom, kitchenette....the view is gorgeous too. :001_huh:

 

Anyway, I'm praying for you.

 

Love,

Edited November 14, 2008 by Titus.Two.Five
to remove name of person for safety reasons

[Osmosis Mom]

Just to butt in here....having known Jessica online for a few years and having read her posts. If she feels she has to hide the book she is reading, then I'd be really concerned about the potential outrage of her dh. Sooner might be better rather than later, money concerns or no. Safety is the most important.

[Ria]

I agree with Nadia. Stay safe, Jessica. :grouphug:

 

Ria

[Trivium Academy]

I'm hiding the book and my newly found knowledge so that it's not used against me. It would be a powerful and potentially painful weapon if he used it against me at this point. I'm not afraid of anything physical, he's out of commission right now and if he ever did- the police would handle him not me. I can't call the police b/c he's being verbally cruel.

[Mamagistra]

(((Jessica)))... :(

[Lovedtodeath]

:grouphug: I trust your judgement. Thank you for sharing specifics with all of us. I tend to agree with Karin and Joanne now.

 

Hiding the book is a good idea. Even though My DH was willing and able to change, he still scoffs at the term "emotional abuse" and gets very angry about it. He will never admit that was a problem. I have read about emotional and verbal abuse and there are degrees of severety, like in anything else. The worst that I went through was after commiting adultery, and of course even non-abusers would lash out when they discover that. He tried to force me to agree with him no matter what. (The sky is green, etc) and that was when the r8 occurred. He was already starting to change for the better at that point, and actually stopped himself and admitted what he was doing.

 

I keep deleting and re-typing... I always err on the side of revealing too much.:leaving:

Edited November 14, 2008 by Lovedtodeath

[OnTheBrink]

I'm going to be honest here. I'm fearful for Jess and her dc and if there's the most remote possibility this could be read by her H, then I believe this thread should be deleted.

 

I'm absolutely sympathetic to her situation and I absolutely want to be there for her if she needs a shoulder, but perhaps it might be wise to get some email addys or phone numbers of those whose advice on this thread she values and take the situation off the board.

 

I've know a woman who posted about her marriage breakup on another site and her EX took every. single. post. and it was used against her, in court. It was horrible and I would hate to see that happen again with Jess.

 

Jess, I wish you strength and wisdom and power to get through this. I know of the kind of man you're dealing with and I am truly frightened for you. But, please, take this off the internet. AT least until you're in a safer "place" in your situation.

 

I mean this only in love. :grouphug:

[sleepy]

I'm going to be honest here. I'm fearful for Jess and her dc and if there's the most remote possibility this could be read by her H, then I believe this thread should be deleted.

 

I'm absolutely sympathetic to her situation and I absolutely want to be there for her if she needs a shoulder, but perhaps it might be wise to get some email addys or phone numbers of those whose advice on this thread she values and take the situation off the board.

 

I've know a woman who posted about her marriage breakup on another site and her EX took every. single. post. and it was used against her, in court. It was horrible and I would hate to see that happen again with Jess.

 

Jess, I wish you strength and wisdom and power to get through this. I know of the kind of man you're dealing with and I am truly frightened for you. But, please, take this off the internet. AT least until you're in a safer "place" in your situation.

 

I mean this only in love. :grouphug:

 

I agree. I'm worried for you, Jessica. Please be careful. :grouphug:

[Lovedtodeath]

It would be great if we could keep all of this but make it anonymous.

[FO4UR]

I'm going to be honest here. I'm fearful for Jess and her dc and if there's the most remote possibility this could be read by her H, then I believe this thread should be deleted.

 

I'm absolutely sympathetic to her situation and I absolutely want to be there for her if she needs a shoulder, but perhaps it might be wise to get some email addys or phone numbers of those whose advice on this thread she values and take the situation off the board.

 

I've know a woman who posted about her marriage breakup on another site and her EX took every. single. post. and it was used against her, in court. It was horrible and I would hate to see that happen again with Jess.

 

Jess, I wish you strength and wisdom and power to get through this. I know of the kind of man you're dealing with and I am truly frightened for you. But, please, take this off the internet. AT least until you're in a safer "place" in your situation.

 

I mean this only in love. :grouphug:

 

I agree with this. I don't know you Jess, but know I am praying for you to have the courage and wisdom to do what must be done. :grouphug:

[bkpan]

OTOH, we never get called out when a poster is told, page after page, to work harder, stay, read "X" book, etc.

 

Yes, you're right.

 

Yet ANOTHER reason to refrain from giving out marital advice on a message board.

[TraceyS/FL]

I think the best "advice" right now is for us to give...

 

* know that Jessica is making an informed decision for her situation. None of us are in her house with her - and she doesn't appear in the time i have come to know her here, to make quick decisions. I trust her judgement to know what is best for her and the kids.

 

* offer up our unconditional support to her during this hard time for her.

 

If there was anything i could do for her at this time - she's got it. Just ask ok? i'm not close by, we aren't close, but i'd do anything i could to help you out right now.

 

The biggest thing i can do right now is offer up :grouphug:

[*anj*]

I'm hiding the book and my newly found knowledge so that it's not used against me. It would be a powerful and potentially painful weapon if he used it against me at this point. I'm not afraid of anything physical, he's out of commission right now and if he ever did- the police would handle him not me. I can't call the police b/c he's being verbally cruel.

 

Jess,

I've only read the posts through this one. I haven't read the last page or so, so forgive me if other people have already said this.

Please, please, please stop talking so openly here. You've got to know that these very posts can be used against you. You are a public person. People who know you IRL can easily identify you here because you use a real photo, and the real names of yourself and your children. He can sue you for defamation of character among other things, and make you look like the loose cannon. Or what if you ex finds out about all of this and demands to have his daughter removed from the home, or from your care?

 

This is a very public place. I empathize (more than you can know) with your need to talk to people and get support and advice. But maybe now you can choose a few whose judgment you trust most and finish this conversation privately?

 

I'm not chiding you or waving my finger at you. I can sense your pain. But it would just be amazingly sad if this whole thing came back to bite you in the shins because of your transparency on this message board.

 

There are lots of things that Joanne doesn't talk about out here. The same goes for Mama Bear, who even changed her ID to protect herself from a vengeful ex-husband.

 

Please do consider that I'm saying this out of a deep concern for your welfare and that of your children. :grouphug:

[neesek]

I'm going to be honest here. I'm fearful for Jess and her dc and if there's the most remote possibility this could be read by her H, then I believe this thread should be deleted.

 

I'm absolutely sympathetic to her situation and I absolutely want to be there for her if she needs a shoulder, but perhaps it might be wise to get some email addys or phone numbers of those whose advice on this thread she values and take the situation off the board.

 

I've know a woman who posted about her marriage breakup on another site and her EX took every. single. post. and it was used against her, in court. It was horrible and I would hate to see that happen again with Jess.

 

Jess, I wish you strength and wisdom and power to get through this. I know of the kind of man you're dealing with and I am truly frightened for you. But, please, take this off the internet. AT least until you're in a safer "place" in your situation.

 

I mean this only in love. :grouphug:

 

:iagree:

 

:grouphug:I am also worried for you, Jessica, and I think you were given some good advice here. :grouphug:

[Jackie in AR]

Jess,

I've only read the posts through this one. I haven't read the last page or so, so forgive me if other people have already said this.

Please, please, please stop talking so openly here. You've got to know that these very posts can be used against you. You are a public person. People who know you IRL can easily identify you here because you use a real photo, and the real names of yourself and your children. He can sue you for defamation of character among other things, and make you look like the loose cannon. Or what if you ex finds out about all of this and demands to have his daughter removed from the home, or from your care?

 

This is a very public place. I empathize (more than you can know) with your need to talk to people and get support and advice. But maybe now you can choose a few whose judgment you trust most and finish this conversation privately?

 

I'm not chiding you or waving my finger at you. I can sense your pain. But it would just be amazingly sad if this whole thing came back to bite you in the shins because of your transparency on this message board.

 

There are lots of things that Joanne doesn't talk about out here. The same goes for Mama Bear, who even changed her ID to protect herself from a vengeful ex-husband.

 

Please do consider that I'm saying this out of a deep concern for your welfare and that of your children. :grouphug:

 

I completely agree with *ang*, Jessica.

 

If I were you, I would ask for this entire thread to be deleted, pronto. You never know who is reading a message board.

 

((Hugs)) to you, and I will be keeping you in my prayers.

[Elaine]

Jess,

I've only read the posts through this one. I haven't read the last page or so, so forgive me if other people have already said this.

Please, please, please stop talking so openly here. You've got to know that these very posts can be used against you. You are a public person. People who know you IRL can easily identify you here because you use a real photo, and the real names of yourself and your children. He can sue you for defamation of character among other things, and make you look like the loose cannon. Or what if you ex finds out about all of this and demands to have his daughter removed from the home, or from your care?

 

This is a very public place. I empathize (more than you can know) with your need to talk to people and get support and advice. But maybe now you can choose a few whose judgment you trust most and finish this conversation privately?

 

I'm not chiding you or waving my finger at you. I can sense your pain. But it would just be amazingly sad if this whole thing came back to bite you in the shins because of your transparency on this message board.

 

There are lots of things that Joanne doesn't talk about out here. The same goes for Mama Bear, who even changed her ID to protect herself from a vengeful ex-husband.

 

Please do consider that I'm saying this out of a deep concern for your welfare and that of your children. :grouphug:

 

I completely agree!

 

And, Jessica, I agree not because I don't care but because I don't want to see you hurt anymore than you have already been.:grouphug:

[buddhabelly]

I just wanted to say that verbal/emotional abuse "only" is absolutelyl sufficient to obtain a domestic violence restraining order. When you speak to the domestic violence center (I assume you have already called the "hotline" which is manned around the clock -- doesn't have to be an emergency!!), be sure to ask about the criteria. I am sure you qualify. Another criterion is if the abuse has occurred in front of the children. As I'm sure you know, that is NOT o.k. with the judge. You go in to court by yourself (ex parte) and get a "temporary" restraining order. If you succeeed in that, the papers (your petition to the court and the court's answer, or judgment) will be served on the other party by a police officer. The judgment will contain information about a further court date, in which both parties are entitled to appear and present further evidence & witnesses. DON'T worry if you don't have witnesses. They will not require your children to testify.

 

At the (second) hearing, the judge will decide the terms of a "long-term" order. This will include more details, such as custody of ds (until a divorce judgment or other custody order overrides this). Each state differs, but in some states the order is for one year. Either party may go to court to petition for changes in the order during the term of the order. The order also specifies which party may remain in the house. But please don't stay in the house just to ensure that you and your dc will be able to remain there. Your emotional safety is paramount, and the court can sort out that issue AND keep you safe (police escorts to the house to obtain possessions).

 

Call the hotline and they will help you develop a strategy. And please ask for this thread to be deleted. Here is the relevant law (unless you moved to a different state) about abuse not necessarily being physical: http://www.state.ga.us/gadr/domviol.html At that page, you click on "Guidelines." If that's the wrong state, be assured that it is similar in every state.

 

I will never forget a five-year old who lived in the safe house with his mom and siblings. His mom was a paramedic, and was very embarrassed to be in this situation and had told none of her co-workers. Her wake-up call was when her five-year-old told the carpet installers that the reason her family needed new carpet was so that when mommy hit the ground (from daddy's blows), it wouldn't make so much noise.

 

I hope your children can grow up seeing some healthy adult relationships based on open communication and respect. It is so hard, isn't it?

 

Now go get this thread deleted.....

 

Julie