If Dh gets deployed, where to live

[lovinmyboys]

Ugh...dh’s deployments always come at the worst times. I mean I guess there is never a good time. Anyway, hopefully this is all a moot conversation, but I am trying to think it through to be prepared.

 

His unit is slated to deploy sometime in 2018. Currently, we are renting a house that we cannot even come close to affording on his Army salary. So, there is absolutely no way we can stay here.

 

We just moved here a few months ago and he is only in this city for sure for 2 years (with his civilian job). It may be longer, but the funding is for 2 years. If he gets deployed, I don’t even know if his job will let him come back here. He may end up in a different office. The most likely office (although no guarantee) is the one we just came from. So, option one is the kids and I could move back there. We would be by friends and a good possibility that DH would have a job there when he came back. We lived there for 7 years, so we do have great friends, but no deep roots.

 

Another option is for us to move near where all of our family lives. We have no friends there, but plenty of family. There is a possibility Dh could get a job there when he returns, but it probably isn’t very likely. So we would probably just live there for 15 months then move where Dh gets a job.

 

The other possibility is finding a house in this area that we can afford on his Army salary. The kids are starting to feel like this place is home (finally).

 

Or, we could always just move somewhere random.

 

I am just so frustrated. The kids will be 6-12 next year. They just moved, then they will have to move again when Dh deploys, and then they will likely have to move again when he comes home.

 

So, any ideas on where to live? Or how to make this decision. We probably still have a few months.

Edited December 5, 2017 by lovinmyboys

[Reefgazer]

I always stayed put when my DH deployed (he was active duty Navy); my friends and the kids' friends were here and we had great friend support.  My second choice would have been near family, but I don't think I would have ever moved to some random place where I had no support system, unless it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, like...maybe Australia or something.  Stability and support are important to me and my kids, but YMMV.

[Jenn in FL]

Some Fast Thoughts: And you certainly do not have to answer publicly if you do not care to...

 

You should be able to get out of your current lease via Military Clause.

 

It depends on where you are living now and where you formerly lived. Which locale do you like best? Which is the best fit for not only the children, but also for you.

 

Is this potential deployment for six months or for one year? Or the full fifteen full months? Or do you know definitively?

 

Assuming he is in a military ''Reserve" unit, is there a strong local command presence for the families?  Amazing bonding can happen and many new friends can be made with an active unit support system and hard charging Ombudsmen.

 

Do you have the ability to "deal out" a bit and live in an apartment or condo during deployment and let someone else deal with maintenance and yard upkeep?

 

Do you have pets that factor into this equation?

 

Where does your family support live in comparison to where you are now living?  Are you close enough to see them regularly without leaving your current location?

 

Do you WANT to live close to family?  

 

I personally would not simply move somewhere random unless you have been secretly dying to move to say, Latvia or something. I mean, why?

 

The bulk of these answers really center around YOU and what YOU feel would be best for those of you manning the home front.

 

It's not a job, it's an adventure, right?

 

Been there. Done that. A lot.

 

:grouphug:

 

 

 

 

 

[StephanieZ]

I'd move where YOU most want to be for the 15 months.

 

If your family is loving and enjoyable to be around, that's where I'd go. I'd take the chance to be close to them while you can, as you never know when/if you'll have that chance again. There's nothing like family support/help, IME. (My parents are both now deceased . . . we lived near family for 4 years when my kids were little, and it was awesome. I'm glad we had those years. My dad died a few months after we moved there . . . but my mom and aunt were alive the entire time, and that was amazing. 

 

If your family is annoying or not helpful or pleasant, then I'd move back from where you just came from where you have a good friend network. 

 

And, thank you for your family's sacrifices for our nation. I can't imagine how hard these things must be.

[hellen]

If it were me, I would take the opportunity to travel. I would put the stuff in storage and get an RV for a year.

[OrganicJen]

Well personally some of my best moves have been when I just made a list of what I wanted in a home and did some research and moved to a totally new place. I felt like there are so many places in the world to live so why limit myself. I listed out my priorities and researched the options and considered all the other factors like cost of living etc. Good luck!

Edited December 5, 2017 by OrganicJen

[hellen]

By yourself with kids? RV payments can be like a mortgage.

That's why you need to ditch the house.

 

Two years ago we were in the middle of a move and my husband was in military school for a few months. I took the opportunity to travel with the kids. At the time, they were 10, 8, and 6. We tent camped in nine states from Georgia to Maine. It was the best.

 

I was not an experienced tent camper in the beginning but we made mistakes and we learned. I would definitely do it again. I wanted the kids to experience new things and stretch the boundaries of their comfort zone.

[OrganicJen]

That's why you need to ditch the house.

 

Two years ago we were in the middle of a move and my husband was in military school for a few months. I took the opportunity to travel with the kids. At the time, they were 10, 8, and 6. We tent camped in nine states from Georgia to Maine. It was the best.

 

I was not an experienced tent camper in the beginning but we made mistakes and we learned. I would definitely do it again. I wanted the kids to experience new things and stretch the boundaries of their comfort zone.

I have to agree. We at times do a lot of RVing and we LOVE it. We may eventually be full timers we love it so much. You can fit a lot more in RVs than you realize too.

[craftymama]

I think you need to talk to your kids, especially the older one. 

[lovinmyboys]

Thanks everyone for helping me think through this.

 

I would love to have an adventure year, but I feel like we already had one this year and I don’t think my kids would handle another one well. DH worked in Europe for 3 months so we went to 8 countries with him. Then we came home and moved across the country.

 

My family is great (and dh’s too), so I like the idea of moving near them and just looking at it as a year to spend time with them. I would love to live near them permanently, but that probably won’t happen. A year would be better than nothing.

 

This will be dh’s fifth deployment and we have never left our house before. However, this time there is no way we could even live in this suburb. We would probably have to move far enough out that it would be like moving away.

 

If I asked the kids right now I am certain they would say move back to our old city (the one we just left a few months ago). They still really miss their friends there. However, if we aren’t moving back permanently, I don’t know that there is a reason to go back. We already said good bye and we would just have to do it again in a year.

Edited December 5, 2017 by lovinmyboys

[DawnM]

I think moving near family would be ideal if they are great.  You may get some help with the kids when you need it, and you would have support.

 

I can't even think of tent camping for months on end with kids, but I hate camping.   And there is no way I will drive an RV, that is intimidating to me, esp. when you get off in a city.  I am nervous enough with a CAR in a new city to drive around in.

 

 

[Twolittleboys]

I think I would try to stay in the area you are now in if you can find decent, affordable housing. It would be the least change for the kids (and it sounds like they need that) and there is a chance you would stay there longer if your husband gets his job back. In the other cases you take the chance of moving now and then again 15 months later which is a lot.

[Ravin]

It sounds like you think the kids would like moving back to your old city best, and you'd like to move near family.

 

In those circumstances, given that old city may not be a long-term prospect after the deployment, it's an excellent chance to move near family and give your kids a chance to deepen those bonds. That's probably what I would do.

[Bambam]

My dad was in the Air Force, so we moved every two years.

I *loved* it. Yes, it was sad to move away from friends, but my mom always had a super positive attitude - we would find good new friends in the new place. I think her positive attitude and outlook about moving really helped us, the children, view it the same way. Every move was an adventure. I felt sorry for kids who never got to move! Now I meet people who have lived in the same place all their lives and although they are retired, still have regular contact with people they went to kindergarten with. That is super cool too -and sometimes I wish I had that. But the advantage that travel and regular moves gave me - I can adjust to anything. So, now I see there are advantages and disadvantages to either way.

 

But, if I had good family, I'd move back to be relatively close - but not too close to them. And I'd take immediate steps to try to get my kids plugged into the community.  We've never lived close to family, and when my dh traveled often, it would have been handy to have someone I could rely on close by. We managed just fine, there were times it would have been nice to have someone to help with various troubles. 

[mom2scouts]

I would live wherever you have the most support. That may mean moving close to family or it may mean staying put where you have friends, church, or activity acquaintances who would be willing to help you out when needed. 

[Lanny]

Random city IMO, = NO

 

If you are close with your family and they are and can be supportive of you and your DC, that's one possibility. Living near them.

 

Going back where you came from, where you have friends and your kids have friends is another possibility.

 

Another possibility I offer for your consideration (just to add more confusion to the possibilities you are considering...) would be for you to move near to a large Military Base, where you can have a Support structure in place for you and your kids. Also BX or PX privs. Medical facilities. Support groups. 

 

As far as the job, supposedly, according to the law, the employer needs to take back the Reservist when their Deployment ends. It doesn't always work out that way. The employer can find reasons not to do that. Even if the Reservist goes back to their old job, during the time they were deployed, the situation where they work may have changed, significantly, and not be to their liking.

 

Please thank your DH for his service. Good luck with your decision about where to move to!   I am sorry that you need to move again, so quickly, after your recent move!

Edited December 5, 2017 by Lanny

[caedmyn]

I'd move near family if I were close to them (I did just that during DH's deployment 11 yeats ago). Otherwise I'd try to find affordable housing in your current location since you kids feel comfortable there. Changing houses is less disrupting than moving to a new area.

[scrapbookbuzz]

If you have a good connection with family, go there. It will be nice to have that support and have your kids and family get to know each other a little better. Wish we had done a better job of that with the kids and their grandparents and cousins while they were growing up.

 

If not a good support from family, go where the chosen family (friends) are. Your kids WILL adjust, either way.